#30daysofvulnerability

[shawnraeyoga]

You are now entering a high vulnerability area. Proceed with an open heart. ~ I began my freshman year of high school with a bangin' Ashlee Simpson haircut (lol get it?), a backpack that was bigger than me, and a simple desire to start fresh. 3PM was drawing near and I was hobbling my way to my last class amongst a sea of gold polos. A bird-like noise followed by laughter cracked through the hum of shuffling feet and awkward small talk. I turned to quietly observe what had everyone in hysterics. The laughter grew. Followed by more bird impressions. I knew. And I swear my heart has never been the same. I'm Italian and I was born with my grandfather's prominent nose. They were laughing at me. A bunch of 17-year old boys were targeting a 90-pound, 5-foot girl with acne, bangs and a big nose. Little did they know I had been doing the ridiculing for years. The bullying persisted for two years. I would track their schedules, routes they would take between classes and what lunch hour they had. I ate my lunch in the bathroom talking to my mom most days. In 2006, I underwent rhinoplasty and septoplasty. It took several years to shake off the residual insecurity, weakness and fear. I struggled with the concept of "beauty" and finding confidence in my own. I felt as if I couldn't accept compliments because I wasn't "real." My parents spent thousands of dollars just so I could bear to look at myself in the mirror. And I wasn't sure I deserved to feel adequate. Even writing this stirs up a small cloud of anxiety because I am not condoning excessive body alterations or modifications. What I am trying to tell you is that no matter what your journey has looked like, you deserve to feel in your bones that you are a goddess. It's important to know that there are people that are struggling with the concept of changing their natural body. If I hadn't, I quite honestly may not be alive writing this very post. My nose will always be a sensitive subject. And I will always silently cringe when facing a camera head-on. But I am a goddess. And so are you. Plastic surgery doesn't reduce your worth. It doesn't determine it either. You do. #30daysofvulnerability

[shawnraeyoga]

I went to post a photo from a recent shoot and this video mysteriously made its way to the top of my library. Tricky universe, as @meghancurrieyoga would say. Reminding me to be still. To go slow. To take care. To listen. Last week consisted of over 200 miles of commuting, multiple meetings, grocery shopping, event planning, photoshoots, teaching five classes and hours of laying awake staring at my ceiling as my mind made absurdly long lists of to-dos, almost-forgots, class sequences, bills to be paid and thoughts, that with just the right amount of attention, may turn into blog posts. Silence and I just couldn't seem to make it work. And then, life reminded me of this moment. A favorite one for sure. A quiet evening. The remnants of a blue-sky, warm-sun kind of day. A soft golden energy as the sun says goodnight. And a wind that reminds you of the rhythmic magic of your own breath. This is the closest I get to stopping time. Or maybe not stopping it, but moving entirely with it. Existing fully in the present moment. No past. No future. Just now. Wrapped up in Mother Earth. Give yourself grace at the end of each day. Let yourself know you did wonderfully. Even if you spent the entire day just breathing. Just breathing is a wonderful way to celebrate the simplicity and simultaneous complexity of being human. There will always be growing responsibilities and financial pressure and work to be done. But there will always be you, too. Standing in the midst of it all. Holding it together like a damn superhero. Offer yourself a moment of silent gratitude for your bad-assery, your effort, your work, your strength and your passion. Your deserve just as much of your attention as all of those things that will be there the very next day. For now, just be here for you. . Love you. xx #30daysofvulnerability #movethewayyouwantto #yogamedicine #gratitudesunday #yogaeverydamnday #whateverthatlookslike #artofattention #listen #somuchlove (at New Smyrna Beach, Florida)