#40daysto40

[havenkiosk]

8 days — Hello, introvert speaking...

Some people have friends that stick with them from school. Some have cousins they are close to. Some have siblings who never fall out of their life's boundaries even if there are ups and downs in their relationship. Some have colleagues that are like family. Some or all of these in their everyday lives... People find their tribe.

I miss having my handful of loved ones (peers) geographically close to me, and more in my daily (or at least weekly) life. I've tried in my own small ways to re-ignite old friendships and to make new ones, but most people already have their seemingly ringfenced tribes.

In the late 90s and early 2000s, virtual friends (penpals, blogs) were a great support system and a couple of them became very important in-person connections too. A part of me still romanticises that time and craves connections via that realm. 

I'm aware I might need different tribes for different needs. Feeling tentative, though, as I gather the impetus to dive into this more actively in the in-person realm.

[soulcooljay]

#40daysto40 Man... I don’t think I ever imagined myself alive at this age. So, since I’m approaching a milestone year, I’m gonna celebrate and share some embarrassing pics and heartwarming moments in my life until I get there. I’m not sure if I’ve run the race to this point well, but I’m still still running. Let the countdown begin... Here I am as a young baby boy 👦🏾 . . . #countdownto40 #40daysuntil40 #soulcooljay #mint #bing #JB #anthony #lilanthony #bingbing #blingbing #James #jimmy #jamie #cooljay #jay #lauderdale #floridaboy https://www.instagram.com/p/BoX0OjHjMIE/?utm_source=ig_tumblr_share&igshid=umee6mv108ks

[mcmorocca]

And #40DaysTo40 party has started.... . . #VirgoSeason #TeamVirgo #DjLife #DJ #SeratoDJ #PioneerDJ #SSDJs #SeriousSoundDJs #DDJ-SR2 where are you!! 🤔😉

[mayurvarma-blog]

40 days to go before I turn 40.

40daysto40:

I read in the papers today that each day leading up to my 40th is going to be a gift.

Year 1:

Just like Day 1 Year 1 of my life, I have her by my side.

Hello My World. A chef’s born.

Made, I mean, helped in making, I mean, chopped a few veggies for breakfast. First time in 10+ years of living together. A start nevertheless.

And some work I like to do.

Created these GIFs I am proud of.

Day 39, here I come.

[ohmama2012]

40 Days to 40: Day 1. Random Year Memory: 2006 & 2012.

This is it! I may not have done the entire #40daysto40 project every day, but I completed it. After this post I will have covered 40 entries and 40 years. Remember, I have 2 years to go . . .

2006:

I worked at Starbucks for a stint. Health insurance, mmkay?

I worked on Christmas that year. It was fun. The staff all rallied together, and the cheery customers tipped well. Holiday Pay + all tips to that day's staff.  We went out for drinks afterwards at a local dive bar.

What I remember, and the reason I chose this memory, was the feeling of rebelliousness for doing something imperfect and nontraditional with a major holiday. Even we Jews commemorate Christmas somehow, be it with our goy friends or the traditional Movie & Chinese. Not that year. Work, food service, coworkers, bar and the kindness of strangers. There's a certain freedom in it. 

2012:

As the name of this blog reminds us, this is the year I became a mom. What I remember most about that final pre-baby time is how much it felt like wedding planning all over again. 

Stuff like . . .

I created a PowerPoint .pdf of nursery plans and ideas, including color schemes, floor plan and links to potential purchases. 

Matt refurbished a night stand I found at the Salvation Army to go next to my nursing chair. 

We spent an inordinate amount of time putting decals of forrest animals on the wall in just the right way.

The Great Blackout Curtain Project. 

I hand-stitched a name banner for my daughter over the course of my third trimester, mostly while watching the entire series of Desperate Housewives. 

Freaking out completely when painted night stand is left in the nursery to dry. Because of fumes. A month before the baby is due.

Freaking out because low-VOC paint for the walls has a smell. Google this and contact Benjamin Moore. 

Watch seven hundred hours of product videos on YouTube.

Of course, the instinct is to then contrast this frenzy of fluff with the more practical preparations for the second child. He had crafty projects too (most notably the installation of a giant, Pinterest-inspired peg board for hanging baskets of diapers above the dresser that we purchased to double as a changing table -- did I never blog this?! -- and the several related trips to Home Depot) but they were more utilitarian in nature. 

Such as . . .

Get the pack n play set up in our room. Find the sheets.

Get out all the baby toys. Put in a "baby bin."

Go to Carters.com and know exactly what to order. (!!!)

Realize you've no choice but to purchase a second changing pad. 

Buy cute wall decals for his area in our room, but never put them up until way after he's born because you forget you have them.

Make him a name banner like his sister's, but don't hang it until several weeks after his birth because you add a "T" to the end of his name in the hospital even though you realize this will mean more sewing. Also: Use a SEWING MACHINE this time.

Travel to two Targets (while barely able to walk) to find him his own special, fuzzy Carter's blanket like his sister has. (Give birth the next day). 

And now, I rock that healthy & sweet baby down in the middle of the night as I type. And I turn 40. Nothing is Pinterest-perfect. Everything is perfect, because it's as it should be. I may not sleep much, but when I do, I sleep really, really well. 

[havenkiosk]

9 days — Around the world

Marrying the love of my life ignited the excitement of exploring the world with her. I made lists of places I wanted to visit - locally, internationally and everything in geographic proximity. Having kids, relocating to another country and COVID overturned those grand plans in the last decade.

Trying to work out, from here on, how I can manage finances and life (and school holidays) to take my footprints across the world that I still want to see with my wife. Visiting all the continents at least once is the golden dream, and I know Antarctica is going to be the toughest.

[havenkiosk]

10 days — From scratch

Growing up in a country where manual labour was inexpensive, I never knew what it was like to do household chores or fix broken things. Now, having moved to a country where everyone is expected to do most household things themselves (as professionals charge heftily by the minute)  - cleaning, repairing, even building - I find myself in a strange dilemma.

On one hand, the variety of things I do in and around the house makes me feel proud. On the other hand, I wonder when I'll find time to do things I really want to if I spend so much time on DIY.

[havenkiosk]

11 days — Flab at forty

I discovered my first grey hair in my early 20s and remember wondering if that was the beginning; turned out to be a false alarm. I wonder how I will accept a head full of grey hair, though. Even harder will be a receding hairline.

But again, I remember thinking (as a teenager) I'd never tolerate a paunch on myself, yet the day I couldn't suck it in completely anymore, I meekly surrendered forfeiting all shame.

I miss the generous ego spike people used to cause in me by being surprised when I told them my age. And one day, it abruptly stopped. No eyes widen anymore, they just concur with the number.

[havenkiosk]

12 days — Pet peeve

As a teenager, I wasn’t sure I would ever have children, but here I am today, a father of two.

Never wanted to own a pet (that lived outside a fish tank), but everyone seems to think I should get one. The wife wants a dog, and still, nurses hope that I will someday agree (but I'm hoping to hold out forever). Everyone I talk to when I tell them about getting a house, asks within the first five sentences when I'm getting a dog.

I’m genuinely surprised at how frequently this comes up in conversation. Why is it not a convincing answer that I have no space or energy in my life for another child?

[havenkiosk]

13 days — From hormones to blood

Why do I not taste the juice in love poems and songs anymore? Why do romantic movies feel superficial and frivolous? Where has that tingling feeling gone, that was so prevalent in my younger years at the very thought of love and being together?

Don't get me wrong - I still feel love, immense love for the girl that has travelled more than half my life with me, the woman that has given birth to my children, my life's blessing that continues to be my biggest reason to feel life is worth working through. It is just that the intensity feels more internalised than verbal or material adornments can do justice to.

[havenkiosk]

14 days — Mind the gap

When questioned whether he felt annoyed about being asked to do something he didn't want to do, my ten-year-old son defensively replied, "Most children my age would feel this way." Some months ago, he told me, "It may have worked in your generation, but now it won't."

I felt a generation gap between my mother and me when I was a teenager (and still do), but to realise one exists between my son and me feels somewhat unwelcome. One of my goals was (and is) to keep up with changing times; I don't want to pretend I'm young but don't want to become a relic either. 

But when the young have as many perceptions about the old (as the old do about the young), is the barrier inevitable?

[havenkiosk]

15 days — Not forever

I've always abhorred the words 'bucket list' or lists titled "...to do before you die". The thought of death shouldn't drive one to do things; for that matter, the thought of death shouldn't loom large in anyone's head.

But if I didn't nitpick on semantics, perhaps the realisation that life is not forever is a necessary reminder to make the most of every minute? To be grateful that things are not bad (or worse than they are)? To realise that those with us today may not be tomorrow and to share more love and hold less grudge?

[havenkiosk]

16 days — Older and older

Despite knowing the workings of life, the gradual process of watching loved ones (who are older than me) grow older is a helpless, heart-wringing feeling. To see the hands that caressed me (when I was a child) now all wrinkled, or once-chubby countenance now overtaken by the bones behind it feels so hard for the mind to accept.

In a dark yet prevailing part of my head, my parent is still a parent doing parent things. It takes a more-deliberate mind to grasp that they're doing grandparent things, and that they're not as fast in mind or body as their mental GIF in my mind.

And as I type this in the silence of the night, heavier and more resounding are the noises of those tiny hands trapped in the apparatus that tells the time.

[havenkiosk]

17 days — Retired unhurt

When I started working (in my early 20s) and started financial planning, my planner asked me what age I wanted to retire. He used his most non-judgemental straight face (bless the man) and matter-of-fact tone to respond to me when I replied "30". 

He helped me see that a reasonably attainable (while still ambitious) target could be 40, and with a buffer, 45. The life choices I made after that, however, ensured that that would remain a pipe dream.

It's not that I wanted to laze after that age. I just didn't want a salaried job past the age of retirement, or to worry about earning money.

[havenkiosk]

18 days — Spending money matters

I learnt the importance of saving money early in my life, but am only still learning the importance of spending that money. There is the future, but there is also the now. Beautiful nows make beautiful back thens to cherish in future nows. 

The shirt I really like but feels a bit expensive now might not even fit me some years later when it doesn’t feel as expensive. The premium seats at a concert may be worth it now than some day in future when my hearing or vision may not do them justice.

[havenkiosk]

19 days — Money matters

How do some relentlessly go after their passion with financial stability at stake? I say that in an awe-filled way.

As someone who became fearful of diving headlong into their passion with zero guarantees of even a middling income from it and opted for a safer job, I still don’t see how I could have done things any differently. I like not having to worry about not having money, and have always tried to save more than I have spent, with a plan to secure myself if I live longer than I’d like.

To the philosophical question - does money buy happiness - I say that I don’t know what happiness is without comfort. And money buys comfort.