#434pm | Explore Tumblr posts and blogs

thegiannichronicles · 7 years ago

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(Slightly) Annoyed.

As my body fails to fight off whatever winter epidemic it has haphazardly caught, I recanted.

I recanted my offer for her to come over & ring in the New Year.

I recanted my offer for her to come over & meet my family.

I recanted my offer for her to come over & sleep along side of me, in my bed.

I recanted.

I feel awful; both physically & mentally - I didn't want to cancel but I knew it was for the best.

There would be no resting while she was in my presence.

She contested. Repeatedly.

"Babe. I wish you would let me take care of you."

"Baby, I really want to see you."

Each plea made me feel worse, yet I stood firm on my decision to bring in the New Year in bed, alone...and presumably fast asleep.

As I arrived home early, 434pm, I was talking to Allison & her best friend Kathy VIA blue tooth in my car. I pulled up to that loud house, in that quiet Bellevue suburb & said my goodbyes, making sure that my once "socially awkward," girlfriend had plans to ring in the new year with others. Much to her dismay, she agreed.

This, is where it becomes (annoying).

I am not a jealous guy. I know my girlfriend gets hit on, that guys give her the double take (she would disagree entirely, but I have witnessed it). That doesn't bother me, whatsoever. I don't care that she interacts with males, nor do I mind thale friendships or the countless other scenarios.

All that I ask, is if she (just like anyone else) is out, let me know where you're at so I don't have to worry. Especially, because shes twenty years old, and it would be cute to receive a phone call that she got an MIP.

I cringe at the very thought, since I am 11 years older.

I don't need her to check in. I don't need to have a running list of who she is with. I don't care.

She calls back later as she is getting ready to go home to change and do the girl thing with heels and make-up, since I asked her to call as she was seemingly having a slightly anxious moment. She missed me, she reiterated. And i, her.

"Let me know what the game plan for you ladies is... And babe, if you two need a sober driver, I will come & take you home. I don't care." I spoke these words firmly, but she insisted they would be fine. She began to get slightly aggressive, almost rude with her responses...and then I said it...and instantaneously wanted to take it back.

"Why are you kind of being a bitch rite now?"

Yikes. I apologized to her, immediately. I was annoyed because I become hypersensitive when sick... She grew quiet. She apologized and I expressed my deepest regret, I just didn't appreciate how she was acting. We said our goodbyes, and she reassured me that zhe would let me know what she was doing with the, "numerous parties in Midtown," and would call at midnite.

That was around 7pm. She texted me around 845pm.

"Sorry babe, we're getting ready to leave here and I'll text you."

She didn't. Not once.

I waited, but grew tired & faded in & out.

My phone rang, or maybe it was my iPad, at approximately 1155pm.

Hey babe...

Her voice sounded troubled.

"There were a bunch of drugs being passed around, and I felt uncomfortable. I'm going to Melanie's instead."

In my sleepiest state, I awoke. And quickly.

Suddenly I began saying things like "why didn't you let me know where you were?"

"This seems sketchy," and "I don't care what you're doing or who you're with. Just let me know where you're at. I trust you, I don't trust other drivers.

I was mad.

"Baby. It's midnite," she chimed. Happy New Years.

I felt like shit.

Still frustrated, I expressed that I was proud that she chose to go out, but didn't like the way she handled herself... And if this was any inclination on the future, I would be okay with not sticking around.

she began to sob. Quietly.

She said that hurt her feelings. I cut her off.

Sharp tongued, i responded: that hurt MY feelings, Allison.

I apologized once I realized how abrasive I had been... We tried to resolve our petty fight... But i was fading. The clock read 1238... And she called my name, and i told her to go inside to see Melanie. I didn't want to take up anymore of her time. I fell asleep.

I woke up annoyed. Annoyed that we had the conversation. Annoyed She did that. Annoyed she cried. Annoyed I was abrasive.

Not a fan.

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24jnxh · 8 years ago

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Life Story #243

I’m thankful to God for this few days where His Presence of God was so strong that I really wept in front of the Presence of God. On Thursday, during the camp finale, PST Edmund preach really a strong and powerful word. I did want to go up for the alter call, but then I step back. But I felt so strong Presence and love in my heart and life. When we do a group hug, jumping one big circle in the group chat and last but not least, give thank to God and shout His Praise. God, N532 Rave Campers, ManPower and Camp Comms, thank you for your Presence that was filled in the entire room for the three sessions. I got to say I’m deeply blessed. Just right after the camp, I felt there was a change in the both of us. I tried to take that step to communicate and you also take that step to answer and build conversation. But what makes my heart laugh from the inside-out was when you asked Shermeen to take photo for you, then you suddenly looked at me “Aiya, don’t need ask you lah. You won’t help/You don’t know how to take photo.” Actually I do know how to take pictures, but because I find it hard to take pictures for girls who need and want to look slim and good in the pictures. HAHA! This really like one of the joke of my day. But at the same day and night, when saying goodbye to each other. To be honest, you very long did not put your hand on my shoulder already ever since we have issue, but then that day after the session and you did so. I felt so happy and glad that there are some improvement work that is doing in us. Friday, we have our zone meeting. I was really struggling because since the report of result out of Friday afternoon, my family slowly starts to have conflicts and arguments and saying that I’m not a good grandchild and I don’t love my grandfather, and even said I’ve changed and no longer who they known 20 years ago anymore. I go for the zone meeting with a heavy heart and no one knows about it but I pour out to God. I went up for the alter, my heart was trembling when Wayne laid hands on me. When I fall, I felt God in my heart doing something, showing me something that I’m lying down on a patch of grass, with many trees around me and I was enjoying the wind, peace and the air. I felt so relax and calm because there is nothing going to surround me and knowing that with God all things are possible. Saturday, I was called to help them to convince my grandfather about it but I’m thinking that if he made a choice that whatever I say might not be of any help anymore and it’s my grandfather choice whether does he wants to go for it a not. If he don’t want maybe he have his own reason for it. So, I decided to go for service and just believe in God that things will turn out to be good and my grandfather will be healed in the name of Jesus! But then, in my heart I’m asking God that whether do I still love my grandfather, my family? And God shared with me what I would always do, and God said “You love everyone surrounding you, how could you not love your family?” Thank God for the days of quiet time. God, I want more of You. Pour out more of Your Presence, Your Revelations and Your Word into my heart. Thank God for Shermeen. Thank God for Jocelyn. Thank God for placing them in my life to encourage me, even though my best friend and I have some issue in the friendship and haven’t clear and talk things out yet, she is still willing to be here for me to listen to me and always still the usual her and the same her that is here to lead and guide me to the right path in my life, and always bring me back to the Word of God. I’m really thankful for the both of them. Thank you for being such a great encourager in my life. Life Story World - XH Ng Time Check: 21 March 2017/434pm

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