#7k of pure melodramatics

[arainesque]

i have a Monster of a wip

[daydadahlias]

⭐️ with scene 14 my beloved <3333

Hi Em!! Rant time about Scene 14. 

From Director’s Cut

Wow, S14 changed so fucking much from it’s first draft that it’s genuinely crazy. So, for this, I’m just going to talk about what this fic originally was. 

When I first started writing S14, she was supposed to be a one-shot (you see how that went) and I finished the first scene (7k words) and went “oh shit, okay, this is... so much longer than I anticipated” and strapped myself in for the long haul. 

Originally, this fic was more focused on the enemies to lovers aspect (this died quickly while actually writing which is why it reads as so rushed in the first few chapters, because I realized how goddamn charming S14 Ash turned out to be (purely accidental, he was supposed to be a dick) and how hard it was to make him reasonably hate-able), and the first few scenes I wrote for the fic were just arguments between him and Luke.

Luke was going to hate him through most of their fake dating in the first draft and then... bare with me folks... Ashton was going to get in a car crash and the fear of losing him was what was going to make Luke realize he loved him and make him do so well in the scene. 

I’m actually serious; it was one of the first scenes I wrote:

He asks, trying to feign calmness despite the fact that his heart rate has already picked up, “Calum? What’re you doing with Ashton’s phone—”

“Luke, I’m gonna keep this brief,” Calum starts, “because I don’t know how else to say it—”

Which is never something you want to hear.

“Ash and I were driving from campus and this fucking cunt in a CRV rammed us—” He takes a breath and that’s when Luke can clearly make out the sirens in the background and he swears that he’s stopped breathing entirely.

He forces, “Are you okay?”

Please tell me that he’s okay, doesn’t meet the air.

But then I realized, oh, hey, this shit sucks (it was all so melodramatic) so I cut all that and changed things up. I wrote the first chapter about five separate times. Like, the full thing, rewritten, five times. I still have all the documents in my google drive.

I’m gonna share some of the original scenes I wrote for this fic when I was brainstorming, most specifically my favorite (for background, originally, Ashton sat on top of the theater's roof instead of on the stage, I don’t fucking know why, so that’s where this scene takes place): 

Luke finally reaches the top of the ladder and, as he peaks over the gutter, he finally spots Ashton, spread out over the shingles of the roof, his hands behind his head, and his face tilted to the sun. His eyes are closed. 

Luke doesn’t say anything as he crawls onto the rough material of the roofing tiles. 

“You shouldn’t be here,” Ashton says without opening his eyes and Luke pauses, thinking to himself that there goes his element of surprise. 

On all fours, he crawls towards Ashton’s figures across the roof, his palms sweating with his fear of falling. “Cal called me.”

“I figured he would.”

Luke finally makes it beside Ashton and he sits, digging his fingers into the roof to hold himself steady, his heart pounding in his throat. Of all the places Ashton had decided to run off too, he doesn’t understand why it has to be here. 

He asks, clearing his throat, “Why are you up here, Ash?”

“Y’know, it’s funny to me,” Ashton says, completely ignoring Luke. “Cal is my best friend in the whole world right? Always has been. And, instead of dealing with this himself like he usually would…” Ashton turns his head, eyes finally opening to align with Luke’s. “He calls you.”

Luke stares down at him. There’s a lump forming in his throat. 

“And he called you because, y’know—” Ashton rolls his head back to face the sky, letting out a sharp sigh— “he thinks you love me.” 

Honestly, original S14 Ash sucked. Like, really fucking sucked. He was such a prick that it’s insane. So I fixed him, and made him sweet. This fic went through so many changes... Wow, I cannot believe this going through my drive folder. Not to keep scene dumping, but I wanna find the actual FIRST scene I ever wrote for this fic when it was still the whole “enemies” thing. 

They just fought so fucking much in the original draft; they were horrible to each other and so so toxic. Okay, here it is. The first scene I wrote for S14. 

In the original draft, they were still doing Scene 14 from The Normal Heart, but they had to do this exercise for class where they... stay with me now... said their deepest darkest traumas??? Dude, I know. It was based on this episode of Community... I... nevermind. 

So they’re arguing in this scene because Ashton refused to tell Luke his deepest darkest trauma. Fuck, I hate thinking about the original draft; it was so bad. 

He looks down at Ashton, who is lying on the dirty surface of the roof. 

He says, quietly, “hey.”

Ashton gives him the benefit of a quick glance. “Hey.”

“Look.” Luke sighs. “I’m sorry. About class the other day. I guess.”

Ashton’s lips tug up into a cocky smile. “You guess? Doesn’t sound like a very good apology to me.”

Alright, why is this bastard making it harder than it has to be? Luke was trying to be the bigger person here; he was trying to make Ashton feel like he was right so they could just get back to it and work and do what they were supposed to do so they could finish this stupid fucking scene and then never have to work together ever again. God, Luke never wanted to work with anyone as fucking stubborn as Ashton Irwin ever again. 

“Yeah, probably because I shouldn’t be apologizing in the first place,” Luke spits. 

A full laugh bubbles up from Ashton’s stomach at that and he shakes his head against the surface of the roof, rubbing his curls in the dirt. He points a finger up at Luke like a salute. “And there it is. The truth comes out.”

Luke clenches his fists in his pocket. “Okay, listen to me, you selfish, self-obsessed asshole—”

Ashton cocks a brow.

“I just want to get through this stupid fucking project. I just want a good grade, okay? So man up, and just do the assignment. It’s not that fucking hard.”

Ashton jolts perfectly upright at that. “You don’t fucking know me, okay? Don’t tell me what is and what isn’t hard. You don’t fucking know.”

“We all did it!” Luke shouts. “I told you how hard it was to come out.”

“Oh, shut up.” Ashton rolls his eyes, throwing a hand up. “You were a rich little boy who your parents were never going to abandon, whether you like cock or not. There were no stakes for you. Don’t pretend there were.”

Luke’s jaw drops. “Fuck you.”

“Fuck you,” Ashton bites back. 

They stare at each other, Ashton sitting on the roof and staring up at Luke and Luke standing above him, staring down his nose, grimace in place. 

“Y’know,” Ashton says, jaw clenching as he looks Luke over, “I hate guys like you.”

“Guy’s like me?” Luke scoffs, touching his chest. “Yeah? What’s that supposed to mean?”

“Guys like you,” Ashton growls, “who never had to work for shit in your life, because you always had a safety net. Don’t lie; when he said ‘your first memorable pain’ you had trouble thinking of something. It wasn’t fair of you, Luke, to ask me. D’you understand that? I shouldn’t have to share my pain with the world. It’s mine.”

Luke bares his teeth. 

“I had to work for everything I got.” Ashton starts to stand, and he looks furious. “I’m here on scholarship, man, so don’t pull that ‘I just need a good grade’ bullshit. If you knew how to work like a proper partner, we wouldn’t have this fucking problem. You didn’t like me from the beginning. And listen, I know I’m hard to work with, but that’s because I’m not willing to drag others along. You carry yourself.”

“What makes you think I didn’t work for what I have, huh? Like you know me at all,” Luke argues.

Ashton doesn’t hesitate. “Your shiny shoes and your shiny hair and your shiny eyes and the shiny buttons on your shiny ass coat and your shiny fucking everything, Luke, that’s what makes me know.”

Luke stares at him. 

“Now, if you excuse me,” Ashton snarls, “I have to go.”

“Ashton!” Luke shouts, turning tail as Ashton tries to leave, “you can’t just ignore me, you fuck, we have a project.”

Ashton promptly flips him off as he walks away. “Fuck your project, Hemmings, I’m asking for a new partner.”

And before Luke can scream, the bastard is through the door leading to the roof. 

God, it’s so... Not Good. I’m laughing at how bad it is.

Oh, and in the original draft, they fucked and thEN Ashton told him his trauma AFTER SEX. THE WERE POST SEX AND ASHTON WENT “hey you wanna know abt my trauma?” and Luke said “yeah for sure.” 

I’m making myself giggle thinking about how bad it was; I’m not making this up. 

Here, have some more bad Original S14.

Luke’s mouth falls open and he says, hurriedly, “What? No, I don’t hate you.”

Ashton shakes his head and laughs. “You don’t have to lie, Luke. I know. I’m fucking insufferable, I can admit that.”

It’s meant to be a joke, Luke can tell by the way Ashton poses it, smiling and with more inflection but it’s not a joke. Luke can’t laugh at that so he sits stiff and stares at Ashton, whose smile slowly fades. 

“Geez,” Ashton says, “tough crowd.”

“It’s not funny,” is what Luke returns. 

Ashton grimaces in something of embarrassment. “Of course it is.”

“I don’t hate you,” Luke says.

“Of course you do.”

“Is this why you’re so much of a dick?” Luke blurts and Ashton snaps his head to the side in surprise. “Because you’re scared people are going to leave you? You push people away so you don’t have to get attached and miss them when they leave?”

Ashton’s cheeks go red instantly. At first, Luke thinks maybe it’s flattery that he’s figured him out and then suddenly, when Ashton’s hazel eyes darken and his teeth turn into a snarl, Luke knows that isn’t the case.

“Oh, okay.” Ashton’s voice is venom. “So you’ve figured me out then? Huh? You happy? Got your little social experiment over with?”

He’s starting to clamber out of the bed and Luke’s eyes go wide. “What, Ashton—”

“Get out.” Ashton grabs Luke’s shirt off the floor and throws it at him, hitting him in the chest. “Get the fuck out of my room.”

“Ashton,” Luke tries to reason. 

“Out!” he yells and Luke flinches. 

God, it’s classic. WOW. It’s so fucking terrible it makes my head hurt. I’m so glad I changed it. 

It’s just funny that the original S14 Ashton was the shittiest character I’ve ever written but current S14 Ashton is dare I say the best.

Anyway, this is too fucking long. Sorry Em. Original S14′s Dark Past!! I fucking hated the first draft!! But I love the final.