#80% me projecting my internalised ableism bullshit through The Other

[22degreehalo]

One of the interesting things about Andy in terms of like shitty parent situation flavour and all is that, he really seems to crave the approval of his mum and dad, and definitely recognises that they love his brother more than him, but they like... actually don't even seem to have any expectations for him at all anymore from what we see

Like his whole family deal was of course sorta infamously all over the place based on what the writers thought was funny in any given moment (like if not for secretaries he wouldn't have a step mom, but then likes this other place because it's where his parents decided not to get divorced), but the most consistent vibe I get is just that they like. Already gave up on him and treat him as at best a family embarrassment they'd rather not acknowledge. And he MOSTLY seems to understand that and tries to prove them wrong and win them back over in his endlessly optimistic sort of way but Garden Party proves that they just. don't even seem to care anymore? At all? And all of Andy's like valorisation of his family history and desires to prove himself to them only really matter in his head.

It's just interesting from the perspective of like, him being queer. Because on the one hand yeah, it would conflict with his own sorta Self Image that he has both painstakingly and not entirely consciously concocted? The one he ruthlessly maintains at all times despite not seeming to have any particularly great intellectual self-awareness of? Which is a thing in itself: Andy isn't exactly the greatest character for like... self-reflection. To put it mildly. So it's hard to imagine how he'd navigate that kind of personal discovery and integrating it into his general behaviour, self-identity etc. And ultimately yes, his mum and dad wouldn't be too fond of having an openly bi son. Especially in the late 00s slash early 10s.

But also, in Gossip, he actually... does seem to question whether or not he's queer!! And try to pursue and evaluate it earnestly!! (Of course in fitting with the above, it's not because of any PERSONAL feelings or discoveries, just...... other people have said it. So maybe it HAS to be true??) Like, he doesn't seem THAT far down into the 'haha that couldn't POSSIBLY be true!' self-denial or whatever. And he doesn't seem THAT freaked out or upset by the possibility, either: just really, really confused!

Maybe that's it: he just feels this intense, constant desire to act however other people expect him to act. (Which....... relatable as dude lmaooo.) If other people keep thinking he's gay, then well: guess he's gotta have to act like a gay dude. But he has to get Oscar's guidance, of course, and then ultimately demands Michael just tell him. Maybe it's just a chameleon thing, and if his parents came by in this episode for some reason he'd be immediately like pshhht no way would the Nard-dog ever be up for that! He's a Cornell grad, equals a CATCH, and he is totally prepared for marrying a sufficiently classy lady to match! (Cue Oscar giving him the stink-eye in the background.)

So. Would there be a fear of like, parental disapproval...? Because while they wouldn't approve... I can't see them disapproving much more than they already do. It seems more likely that it would just bolster the view of him that they already have. But I don't think Andy is THAT pessimistic about it. And maybe that's it: it's almost comforting to think that they wouldn't want him to be queer, because that'd mean they actually care on some level about him. It's harder to admit that he could tell them anything and they'd just sigh and roll their eyes and keep going as they are.

IDK man. I'm working on another fic (my annual Christmas fic~~) and when it came to fill out the obligatory internalised homophobia subthemes I realised it was actually kinda a lot more complicated than I first assumed, lol.