#99 flake duh

[theunvanquishedzims]

in "DC is fictional in Marvel and vice-versa" universe, who do you think everyone's favorite heroes are? I realize this is a very long question. But I just think like. Bruce Wayne would love Iron Man. Tony Stark would HATE Batman. "Who the fuck just dresses like a bat and punches poor people? I mean. At least MY armor is CLASSY."

Oh geez. EVERYONE? I know too many people for everyone.

Okay first up Spider-Man is a huge fan of everyone except Oliver Queen. He especially loves Batman because he likes to imagine that if he had a billion dollars he’d have a cool hangout spot like that, and since it’s fictional he doesn’t have the potential envy/bitterness that might be attached to real people he knows with that kind of money to spend. (Looking at you, Fantastic Four, with your giant 4-shaped building.) If he’s still a teenager maybe he fantasizes about being Robin when doing his skyscraper parkour.

Bruce Wayne does indeed love Iron Man, but it’s a very self-indulgent guilty pleasure. The idea of just saying “Yep, it’s me, now what are you going to do about it, nothing, that’s right, because I’m awesome and have flying tanks to protect my loved ones and also no clowns in my enemies list.” Being able to relax and cut loose and have fun with it. Bruce hates the drinking and irresponsibility, but there’s something raw and honest about how Tony deals with the death of his parents and owning his flaws and accomplishments in equal measure. He probably broods in the rain while pondering phrases like “a dark mirror”.

Tony on the other hand has a love/hate relationship with Batman. The DRAMA. The FLAIR. The STYLE. You gotta love a guy who generates his own mood lighting, and the bat-everything is hilarious. He likes the 60s show the best, it was ridiculous and fun. But he hates the antisocial nature of the character when in the wrong writer’s hands. Yeah yeah dead parents never love again blah blah join the club. Relax, unclench a little, actually enjoy these parties you’re throwing. Oh you hate being around people, well that’s what alcohol is for. He especially hates how they bring the Robins into that, not because he’s risking the kid’s life, but because he’s so dang emotionally unavailable after they stop being adoring children. His biological son showed up and he straight up vanished for years. “Oh it wasn’t his fault, he was lost in time” EXCUSES. You’re Batman, you’re telling me you can’t bribe or blackmail or otherwise finangle some time travel to make up for it?

Steve and Superman like each other well enough but privately think they could do better. They both find the WWII war bond ads cringe-worthy and would be horrified to know about their own version. (Since Steve’s image was used heavily in WWII marketing while he was busy punching Nazis in Europe, he might have some serious cringing to do if anyone shows him a full gallery of his old propaganda.)

Hawkeye loves Green Arrow, that is exactly what he would do if he had tons of money. (Minus the child abandonment, if he had biological kids he’d either never let them out of his sight or, knowing his family history with abuse, pay for the mom to live somewhere really nice and visit with presents and shooting lessons as often as he could stand.) Green Arrow was mildly annoyed that the most famous comic archer was a goofy comic-relief guy who quit a bunch of times, then that comic about the dog came out and he bought like sixteen copies and a t-shirt.

Everyone assumes Natasha would love Wonder Woman and vice-versa, and everyone would be wrong. At most there would be nods of solidarity, maybe checking each other out a bit. Wonder Woman loves Thor. It is pure and uncomplicated. Natasha is very quiet about it but likes Martian Manhunter. His abilities are something she’s trained her entire life to master, reading people, blending in unnoticed, being able to get in places undetected, and feeling a sense of foreignness no matter how accepted in the group they are. Plus you have to admire a guy that looks at the entire spectrum of clothing available to him and decides on booty shorts, bright red chest straps, and a Dracula cape.

Don’t ask Aquaman about Namor unless you have a lot of time, because it will be 1% about Namor and 99% about the difficulties of ruling a global kingdom when it seems like the majority of humanity is trying to lowkey declare war on you and yeah duh he’s cranky, who wouldn’t be cranky, have you seen these tiny flakes of plastic in the water? There are fish trying to BREATHE down here, thank you very much, how’d you like it if I came and dumped plastic into your house? Namor has zero interest in comics but would probably be offended by the orange shirt. What are you, a goldfish?

Running out of steam, so I’ll just cap it off by saying that the teenage heroes in both worlds probably have an entire subforum dedicated to shipping. Fanfics have been written. Self-insert is the most popular tag.