#ALL strange man bad endings ARE SOOOOOOOOOO

[pinkseas]

i genuinely cannot imagine going into the hanged man blind and getting one of the bad endings. like holy SHIT. “oh cool a little horror game” and then you get the cornered rat ending LIKEEEEEEEE. YIKERS !!!!!!!!!

[lostatsea303]

Annual Delivery

@zutaramonth

Zutara Month 2017 Day 1: Amongst the Fire Lilies

“Oh, Tara, delivery for you!”

 The joyful coo of a young monk the world knew as their hero echoed through the place he and the woman he was looking for called home. He continued to glide, almost literally, through the halls, that ever-present grin plastered on his face. As he made his way closer and closer to where he knew she would be, he finally got a response:

“Ok Aang, give me a minute. I need to finish changing Bumi.”

The echoes of a small whining child made for punctuation on the already understood point.

The bald monk soon found himself standing in the door frame of the room that had become the place of rest for their new toddler, though rest wasn’t something they often got. Still, as he stood there his eyes trapped on the beautiful busy waterbender, his smile changed from its usual goofy, toothy, grin to something smaller and warm. It was sometimes hard to believe that this was the way fate had turned out: Aang the once over-energetic goof ball (Ok those traits hadn’t really changed) who could barely form a fireball was now a tall, handsome, powerful bender married to the always kind and serene daughter of the chief of the Southern Water Tribe; Katara. He thanked the spirits for providing him with such an infallible and just woman such as Katara.

She was perfect.

Letting out a long sigh, the waterbending master used the back of her hand to wipe some sweat from her brow before standing up straight and slightly pushing her hips forward to stretch her lower back. She had just spent the past half hour struggling with her newborn Bumi as he had started whining just MINUTES after he had been put down for one of his daily rests. Of course, the culprit behind the whining had been a dirty diaper that, for all the discomfort it seemed to be causing him, Bumi just didn’t want to get out of. Alas, the women who had become the most talented bender of all time finally conquered another foe in her day-to-day life.

Every time Katara had to change a diaper, which was every time, a small part of her wished for nothing more than to wake up and find herself back in a time where it was her and the gang against the world. At least back then the babies on the team could change themselves. Alas, Katara couldn’t even begin to regret what she had; she knew better than most the love of a mother was greater than the darkest most chaotic storm. She knew that love was nearly incomprehensible to anyone else. That love, real love, had no requirements, it kept no record of wrong, it accepted and loved through grace and mess in equal measure. It admired imperfection and strove for in tune dissonance.

“Sorry about that Aang, you know how Bumi can be sometimes.” She voiced gently with a smile.

“So, what did we get?”

“Not we.” The monk signaled to himself “You.” He finished pointing at her.

“Me? What do you mean?” The dark-haired woman asked clearly confused.”

Aang signaled for her to follow him into the other room, gently making their way through the house trying not make any sort of sound to agitate young Bumi.

Finally making it to the front of their home, their mail cage was currently occupied by a proudly perched messenger hawk one that, to Katara at least, seemed very familiar.

Reaching towards the proud creature, Aang tried to receive the letter currently scrolled away in its beak but the bird simply reared back quickly before pecking his hand stoically.

“Ouch! See it won’t let me take the letter so I assumed it was for you.” Aang cursed through his teeth as he wagged his hand in an exaggerated manner after the nip from the hawk.

Letting out a long sigh and with a gentle roll of her eyes Katara took off her gloves before speaking in her usual motherly tone: “Alright dear, I’ll get it.”

Reaching out slowly Katara’s blue eyes meeting with the hawk’s strangely familiar liquid gold. The raptor gently leaned forward before dropping the noticeably light parchment in her hands.

With a small smile and a gentle scratch on the head, the winged carrier was off without a sound.

“Soooooooooo, what is it?” Cooed the air nomad, once again sounding like the nosey kid he had been all those years ago.

Turning her shoulder in a slightly playful manner, she slowly opened the scroll while keeping her eyes locked with her husband’s: “I don’t know let’s find…out.”

The waterbender’s thoughts derailed a fractured glacier as the scroll revealed only one thing: a small pressed fire lily and nothing more.

“A fire lily?” They echoed in unison, one, however, a little more perplexed at the odd delivery than the other.

A long silence sat between them as neither knew what to think, both for different reasons. Who would send just one flower? It didn’t seem romantic in nature, most people sent bouquets and poems, not just a single pressed flower. But the messenger hawk’s dedication to only giving it to Katara seemed out of place too. This was just plain odd and random, at least to Aang.

A small strange silence overcame Katara as she focused only on the flower now sitting in the palm of her hand. This had been happening for ten years now, on the exact same day, at the exact same time, with the exact same delivery. She didn’t understand; why did she keep getting this flower now? Five days prior, the day Aang defeated Ozai and the Hundred Year War ended? Yeah totally would have made sense, but now? What was special about now?

Sitting in her speculation only one thing came to mind:

It was the day they had left.

 Somewhere in the Royal Palace of the Fire Nation a man with long dark hair and a crown sometimes too heavy to bare sat comfortably in a garden; surrounded by a small patch of fire lilies.

The red flower just a few shades brighter than the simple yet elegant robes worn by nature’s guest. The man sat with a small smile on his face, staring at the simple yet elegant flora. His liquid gold eyes seemed to wash over them like the gentle waves of an ocean, a clarity and appreciation added with its wash.

The man known as Fire Lord had spent most of his day in the garden, the week of Ozai’s defeat was often filled with a cacophony of chaos, both good and bad. Between the parties and the riots, sometimes one leading to the other, Zuko needed to get away from it all.

Today was a special day anyway.

Ten years ago, today, his destiny had been locked into place.

 With only having been made Fire Lord days earlier, Zuko didn’t have much time for any celebrating; everything was in an uproar. But today would be his last chance, the only one he would probably get to finally speak the words he had found only days earlier.

He asked her to meet him in the garden when it was easiest for her of course, he rose with the sun after all. His hair was down in the shaggy style he had worn it on the journey that had changed his life so much. He lacked the fine fire regalia instead choosing a more comfortable and breathable tunic and pants. He didn’t look like the Fire Lord.

No, he looked like the man only she saw, flaws and all.

He made his way to the place he had missed most on his journey, he could feel his heart pounding and blood in his body getting hotter by the seconds. Still, goosebumps covered his skin. He was terrified. This would be the only chance he had left, when he saw the lightning he knew the truth that had been alluding him for longer than he would’ve like to admit. He wanted to tell her then, to finally admit to those incredible blue eyes that she meant everything to him, however as they watched the broken pieces that had become his sister it seemed inappropriate. The coronation had not given them anytime before or since. Now with her and the others heading to their homes, he knew he only had one chance to continue to dance between fire and water he never knew he needed.

However, as the formerly banished prince arrived at his destination, his blood seemed to go cold.

She was there, of course, she was there, she was always where people needed her to be. But she wasn’t alone. Holding her hand, so very close to her, was the boy he had come to know as his spiritual brother. Before she spotted him, the younger boy had leaned in for a kiss which she easily obliged.

Their eyes met for a second, and she couldn’t see it- he had become so good at hiding the pain even her life bringing touch couldn’t see - but his heart shattered into the pits of his stomach.

She would wave him over and they, the three of them, would speak. He didn’t remember much of the conversation. All he would remember would be stealing as many glances as fate would allow of the waterbender he had fallen in love with, who had been fated to another. He memorized every detail of her face and eyes, he would never forget how much she truly was the daughter of the moon; he could see the sea within her. Like she was element she controlled manifested in human form. Smooth and strong, beautiful and coursing.

He would say goodbye to them not too much later.

The blind earth bender who had become one of his closest friends had asked why his heart was all weird, but he would only be able to pat her on the shoulder and tell her he was sure she understood.

He watched those blue eyes until they were out of sight.

Lost to the breeze.

A sad smile sat on the man’s lips as he stared into the garden he had almost made the beginning of his greatest journey in. Instead, it had become the place he would learn to live with peaceful regret.

The soft whines of a child echoed in a nearby room, along with the almost silent steps and the sigh of a shadow he had settled for long ago.

The whines brought him great joy, it had been a lesson he failed to understand time and time again. However, when he saw those bright orange eyes for the first time, he knew the love he had been so desperate for. It was a love he could not describe with words adequately. It was a love that would have no requirements, it would keep no record of wrong, it would accept and love through grace and mess in equal measure. It would appreciate the imperfections and love being in the off-key.

It was a love he had only known twice before.

Once he knew he still had much time to make up for, and the other he would never know.

He would simply remember the day he had almost found what he was looking for as he picked another flower, year after year, amongst the fire lilies.

[somedaypast-thesunset]

im in this like .. cycle i guess. 

i want to reach out for support because i feel a lack of support but to express a lack of support offends people around me (despite their lack of support) and i lose even the smallest amount of support i had 

i’m really sad lingering on feeling depressed. and im trying hard to reprogram my brain to see it as feeling depressed and not being depressed because its like acting out the emotion of depressed as your character and i just want to feel it because im not in a movie. 

i had an issue with my roommates dog while being in immense pain from a stupid cyst and literally no one would help. as i laid on the floor in pain i knew no one would actually help. it wasnt until 11pm that he returned a phone call i made at noon and when i said i was in pain he offered to bring me to his house and take me to the doctors tomorrow. 

but his whole attitude had changed like i was really burdening his life now and i guess he was calling to tell me he was leaving like the next day or somethng and now ive interrupted it. of course he didnt “say” this but it felt heavily implied and i never really felt comfortable being around him. he didnt want to show any affection and seemed to avoid it, slept through the day and had us go to bed at 10pm 

he had mentioned briefly that he would take me to the doctors again today but pack up and leave in the evening. this morning it was the same awkward uncomfortableness and he had like little desire to talk to me. i thought like if that was our last night and this is our last morning i guess it really says alot. like i guess if im ever severely injured he will begrudgingly help me in some way but he’ll have a really shit attitude about it and i can be nothing more than grateful i guess?

i told him i would take myself to the doctors. he said okay. i said i was leaving in 10 minutes and he said okay. i sat feeling really sick and i understand, a bit, that alot of this sickness comes from feeling really alone in other areas of my life. so theres like this giant hole and immediate panic when the person who was atleast occupyng space in the hole leaves. but if i had other people i wouldnt feel such panic - i’m thinkng like wow i’m fucked if i’m actually hurt. or if i get sick. like i cant expect any help from anyone even though they all receive some kind of help from other people. i cant even make a call to anyone and express anything at all without them having to go or do something else in their life that im not apart of. and its not just bad timing -  i could wait and wait and im just waiting for someone to make the time for me and i have to be grateful that anyone would set aside even one hour of their day for me and ive not been around other people who understand the complexities of this. like, of course im grateful. im extremely grateful. thats like all i think about for that hour that thank fucking god there was a single human being willing to give me this time so i could even help myself in some way. 

and its not like i dont give this. ive given soooooooooo much of this an got nothing in return. except that i have to feel super grateful for the hour i get in return for my huge investment into their lives. and its like at nooooo point can i ask my mom for 20$. i cant ask my dad what credit card i should get. or if this person is ripping me off. like i get that i can (an will) do all these things myself but i dont even get the priviledge of receiving valid learned advice from a trusted source - i get jack offs and reddit commenters explaining how a mortgage works. or how to buy a car. or the best tips on a driving test. and when im sad and lonely? i get to turn to strangers on the internet or i guess worse, this. even though its likely no one at all will read this. when im really sick? i make chicken soup for myself. i go to the store for myself. i maybe find a ride to the doctors and mabe get lucky the pharmacy is there too so i dont have to ride the bus.when i feel like everything is chaotic? i return to cats. 

but hey - i’m going to be a “stronger, smarter” person right? thats what it all boils down to. lacking soo much will somehow make me stronger and smarter than the next person who already has these things. doesnt that seem so dumb? to me, i just worked 10x as hard to get to the same place that someone else did with half the work. but im “stronger and smarter” for the effort. i think you’re wiser and more resilient. because you become wise through experience and knowledge of the experience - but you can still be dumb as hell. you arent stronger - you just learned to put up with more; that’s resilience. you couldn’t use resilience like you could use strength. it just means you didnt give up. 

and thats not a negative but when you place it in this light i think it conjures a different respect for the lack of priviledges that it takes to reach “wiser and more resilient’. 

right now im really.... alot of things. i feel sad and angry and frustrated and bitter and envious. im trying to respect other peoples journeys but its leaving me really fucking alone. i told him i was leaving and he said bye. that could very well be our last personal encounter and i guess i appreciate that i left it as is. instead of trying to shape it into something it wasnt going to be, i just accepted that this was the choice he was making. of course, its easier to leave when you disconnect from someone/the things around you. 

i personally feel that this is the end of the relationship and my expectation is that he’ll be gone in the next 24 hours. i think i would prefer to leave our last encounter as this. although he “asked” multiple times how i was feeling or why i didnt feel good - i knew that he wasnt even the person to be talking to about it. how could i explain any of this to him? he has really not understood it and its doubtful he ever will. i expect nothing from him now - maybe i did before. maybe i wanted to have something real with him, like how we pretended to have. and i guess he showed his ‘support’ but like - youre leaving anyways. what happens when youre gone? does it matter? 

i cant ask these questions because theyre already answered. nothing happens, life goes on. you got what you got for the time being, be grateful. 

its not just him i feel this way with - i actually feel this way with multiple people ive been around. i cant talk about these things beacause it implies they dont care. and they do care otherwise they wouldnt have given me a ride or a sandwhich or bus change or sat wth me for an hour or smoked me some weed. BUT NONE OF IT MATTERS TO My ACTUAL LIFE. when you give a homeless man a dollar, do you think you just changed his life? like you changed 5 minutes before he had to go ask for another dollar from someone else because not a single person wants to give him actual legitimate help. just smile and nod. 

ths morning his mother literally shut the garage door on me. i have no idea how she did not hear the door open or the garage door open standing 10 ft away but she literally shut the door and i sat in the dark. i said nothing because no one cares. 

and he bitchs and moans about all these things and its like hes just discovering no one cares  and his solution is to also stop caring for anyone but himself. and its like he doesnt even see this because hes ‘going to get better and help so many people’ but hes not. he literally is not. and its infruiating that he cant even signficiantly benefit one persons life and his solution to this is to stop any attempts and focus just on himself before i guess inviting the world in. 

am i not fucking worthy or deserving? i’m not some runaway kid. i’m not a fucking drug addict. i’m not a single mom. if not me, then who deserves to benefit? i guess everyone above. you know, i didnt add to everyone being fucking dead and deserted with severe trauma and ptsd and little coping skills by taking hard drugs and fucking strange men. i didnt have unsafe sex. but i guess i should have so i could have the attention that other people seem to get for these acts. i stayed “strong” and “smart” and i’m alone and struggling. i guess i deserve to be. 

when i say this its not like i want people to immediately become my family and do all this shit with me and include me an talk to me all waking moments. i want this person who has been in my life but has remained in a neutral position by their own decision to remain neutral as i express the lonliness that i feel being in this position instead of take it personal or trying to make me be optimistic about it. i am sitting with a person and still expressing this - optimism is not what i need. nor do i need to argue that this person hasnt fulfilled the needs i have when they consider themselves a ‘friend”. to be a friend now is to remain in the position youve already taken and allow me the space to now be myself - this sucks. its hard. when i speak, no one is really listening. when i need someone, i have to wait until “a good time” which could be days. and its not just one person. if this one person was doing this - fine. it’s sad but bareable. it’s so many encounters that i feel like im in highschool floating through the halls unnoticed. i have no significance or importance to anything. and its not like oh god i have to be loved and have attention but like theres litereally none. there is zero. nothing. 

thats when “anything” looks better than nothing and you get stuck in even shittier situations.

[justasmallbloginabigklainefandom]

Glee 5x05 liveplurk

Yuè [glee 5x05] mr schue is suck a fucking pedo pls stop

Yuè well nvm my Internet is completely down I can't even open my browser I guess this is the universe telling me to play Sims instead Yuè Oh wait maybe it's working Yuè really never mind I mean the episode is awful af but nah man I kinda really wanted to watch it Yuè well great the sims isn't working either Yuè after rebooting my internet glee is finally working Yuè I feel so bad for Darren okay Yuè and for Blaine Yuè TINA WHY WOULD YOU EVEN DO THIS YOU'RE HOS FRIEND Yuè Will fucking hell stop touching your students Yuè wtf what kind of teacher dedicates their entire assignment to a twerk video of a student Yuè ah Bylder my secret shame Yuè this is so uncomfortable Yuè if I were Sue I'd fucking fire him immediately Yuè let's also skip this song cause it is also fucking uncomfortable really what's up with this episode Yuè I'm sorry Rachel but you are still working on your debut you do not have the authority to behave like that Yuè literally not in the mood for transphobia Yuè the bathroom thing is kinda on point Yuè KURT MY LOVE Yuè Rachel wtf is wrong with you I know you're grieving but you are not in the position to do this Yuè "YES it was very stressful" Yuè Tickles and Bam Bam Yuè Oh shit Sue's corner stopped being funny after season 2 Yuè glee what even was the point of this episode Yuè I HATE YOU WILL Yuè I FUCKING HATE YOU Yuè FUCKING HELL Yuè WHAT KIND OF TEACHER SINGS A SONG ABOUT DATE RAPE WITH HIGH SCHOOL STUDENTS WHILE HAVING THEM TWERKING ON EACH OTHER Yuè you know what pisses me off the much? Yuè glee writers obviously know this song was about rape they fucking point it out twice on the show AND YET they still did it Yuè only because it happened to be famous Yuè I'm sorry glee I'm sorry I am used to your bullshit so I can strangely enough easily forgive it but not this Yuè how could they Yuè fire all of them fucking hell glee I am still so mad this was gross and problematic af you're often that but this was too much even for your standards Yuè KURT Yuè I remember such the hype around this and then there was me... I don't like shirtless men Yuè Rachel is such a terrible friend Yuè also I'm gonna skip this scene with Unique not because it's bullshit (which is surprising) but I can't handle major transphobia this late in the evening Yuè THIS SONG HOLY SHIT ALEX KILLED IT AND THIS PERFORMANCE Yuè Blaine looks so serious Yuè they all look so serious Yuè Mr Schue you are such an awful person Yuè BITCH THIS SCENE IS ONE OF THE ONLY GREAT SCENES SURE IT ENDED WITH TWERKING BUT THEY PUT SO MUCH EFFORT IN IT Yuè when glee puts effort into sth it actually shows how great this show can be Yuè ANDERWILDE IS MY SHIT Yuè "wipe your chin cause there's a butt on it" Yuè Blaine looks so good Yuè Tina how could you Yuè Kurt sweetie calm down Yuè these tattoo people are always so genuine Yuè let's also skip Jarley Yuè I think Wrecking Ball is a great song music wise and Melissa killed it but the performance makes me as uncomfortable as the rest of the episode Yuè aka ... skip Yuè I wonder if Melissa regrets doing tha Yuè TINA Yuè wow Schue is saying something reasonable Yuè "then you'll have an army to fight alongside of you" FLASH FORWARD TO UNIQUE HOSTING A FUCKING TRANS CHOIR Yuè "then GET OUT BITCH" Yuè HER Yuè holy shit Sue respect her pronouns Yuè no but really Sue she gives Unique an amazing opportunity and you decide not to take it for your own stupid ideals and gross assignments Yuè okay but Schue pretending to be Sue by wrecking the office and Becky throwing the xylophone is amazing Yuè Kurt oh my god Yuè this tattoo is soooooooooo him Yuè "cyber lucky" oh god Yuè okay this was touching Yuè Oh yeah Ryder plays the drums Yuè Kitty you were not killing it Yuè YES SCHUE OH MY GOD Yuè IT ONLY TOOK YOU ALMOST ONE FUCKING EPISODE Yuè Bro this glee club Yuè BLAINE WHAT Yuè SWEETHEART Yuè YOU CAME UP WITH THIS SONG I HAD COMPLETELY FORGOTTEN ABOUT THAT I LOVE THIS SONG AND PERFORMANCE THANK YOUU Yuè honestly I think I only watched 1/3 of this ep since it just makes me overly uncomfortable Yuè Oh my my sister interrupted the song I gotta rewatch it again how awful hehehe Yuè this really is the best because 1) this song is just amazing and 2) it's the end of this fucking episode Yuè wait Yuè WAIT Yuè where was Santana?