#ALSO I LOVE ALL OF THE LITTLE GAY PEOPLE IN MY PHONE WHO HAVE CHERISHED SAM AS MUCH AS I DO

[littlebear1537]

WOAH OK! It's been A YEAR BUT!!! I've been talking about my gay little thoughts on Tumblr for a Year already?!

I'm VERY MUCH looking forward to sharing more about Sam since I'm drawing again! I've got a lineup of posts that Im excited to share 👀👀

[thomotomo]

Through everything part.1

Pairing: Namjoon x Male Reader

Summary: You have been dating Namjoon for a while. You’re now seeing him again for the first time in 4 years and both of you agreed on disclosing you relationship to everyone.  

Words: 3.5k

Today was a great day, maybe even the best day of your life, you were going to see your boyfriend after what felt like a lifetime without any physical interaction between both of you. In fact, it had been nearly 4 years since you last kissed you boyfriend.

Your boyfriend was an idol, Kim Namjoon from BTS, so he had a very tight schedule, and when he had breaks it didn’t always matched when you had breaks sadly. But this year, after a lot of discussions with him and him with his manager and the CEO, you were finally able to see each other.

You both met back in High-School when you went in Korea for an exchange that was organised by your school after they set up a pen pal thing between both schools. You ended up in his class, even though he wasn’t your pen pal, you discussed with him and both of you immediately hit off and you absolutely wanted to keep contact even after you left Korea.

It wasn’t easy every day, specially because both of you were in different time zones, so often you were the one who stayed up at night so you could discuss. You also sent each other packages, which was pretty expensive, so you didn’t do it often, probably for Christmas, each other’s birthdays and for each other’s new year (the “common one” and the Lunar new year). Luckily for both of you, your parents were cool enough to come in Korea every two days, mainly during summer break, so you could see each other. You also helped each other in your native languages and with English, soon you became fluent in both Korean and English and Namjoon easily spoke (your language) and English.

Slowly you fell for each other, you easily accepted your feelings, as you always wondered why you didn’t felt the same attraction toward girls like your comrades so in the end you agreed with your feelings pretty easily, but not saying anything to Namjoon, you didn’t want to lose the friendship you both had.

On the other hand It wasn’t easy for Namjoon, sexualities other than heterosexuality weren’t talked a lot, if not at all, in Korea, so he struggled to understand why he had such hard feelings toward a boy, especially when he knew he could still feel attracted to girls. Few times before you, he arbored a kind of a crush on other guys but tried to pass it as just finding them attractive and nothing else. He spent a lot of time online on anonymous servers, discussing about sexuality and trying to understand who he was and what his sexuality was. In the end he determined that he was fitting the definition of pansexual pretty well and thus, adopted it for himself and internet friends.

He thought few times about coming out to his parents, but he read so much stories of Korean who were left by their families once they came out, and even though he tried to drop clues about him and test their reactions to LGBT+ people on TV shows or something he didn’t find the force in himself to come out to them, too scared. He also kept that from you, in case you didn’t want to be friend with him anymore.

You both didn’t talk about your feelings to each other and life followed its pace. You congratulated him when he told you about the song he wrote for another band and when he spoke to you about the group he’ll be in. In return he was happy for you when he learned that you graduated high school and got accepted to the college you wanted to go to.

In 2013, when you were both 18 you organized your trip in Korea, alone this time, so you could enjoy “fully” the trip alone. You met Namjoon at the airport and congratulated each other for graduating high school. You went to deposit all your thing at the hotel, and then you both walked around Seoul, him showing you his favourite places since he started to live at Big Hit’s dorms. He was allowed to go back home so you went and installed a bed for you to sleep in. You were happy to see his parents once again, they were always sweet to you, so it was always a pleasure to see them again. It was the same day that you came out to each other.

Around midnight you were both laid in the bed when Namjoon whispered:

“Hey…”

“Yes?”

“Would you stay by my side no matter what?”

“Of course Namjoon! Why are you asking me that?”, you stood on your forearms, looking at him.

“I… Need to admit you something…”, he was still laid in the bed, looking at the ceiling

“You can tell me everything, I’ll be here to support you.”

He took a deep breath.

“I’m… Pansexual. I can be attracted to everyone no matter their gender...”

You smiled at him softly and sat on the edge of your bed.

“It’s okay, I have to admit something too then.”

He turned his head toward you, frowning a little bit.

“I’m gay, I’m exclusively attracted to men.”

He looked at you, a bit surprised. His brain was trying to understand what you meant as he sat on his bed too.

“You… Really?”

“Yep. Don’t feel ashamed to be you. It’s okay. If it’s not too indiscreet, are you out to your parents?”

“N-No… I’m pretty scared, you know I’ve read a lot of stories about LGBT+ Korean people that got thrown out of their households when they came out… And I’m becoming an idol, it could ruin my career and I don’t want to abandon my dream because of that…” He lowered his eyes, as if ashamed of what he just said to you.

You came closer, seating right next to him and hugged him.

“It’s okay if you’re not out, your safety always comes first. Don’t force yourself to come out if you’re not ready you’re not. I love you the way you are.”

“Y-You love me?”

You blushed, wondering why you said that. You looked away from him and tried to take off your hands from him but looked at you, whispering.

“I love you too…”

You flushed even harder and smiled at him while he was looking at you with bright eyes.

“(Y/N)… Can I kiss you?”

“Yes of course!”

Your faces slowly got closer from the other’s and your lips gently touched, his lips were soft, softer than you anticipated (and fantasized), you felt as if you whole body was set on fire. The kiss was a little bit sloppy, but you didn’t had much experience and you were pretty sure than he didn’t have much either.

You stopped kissing after a few seconds, air already starting to miss. You looked at each other and you observed a pink blush covering a great part of Namjoon’s face. He looked back at you with a bright smile and your heartbeat already fastened by all these emotions, quickened the pace even more.

“So… Boyfriends?”

“Yes Nam… Boyfriends.”

He smiled and hugged you before yawning. You smiled a little to him, touching his hair softly.

“Maybe we should go to sleep, you seem tired.”

“Yes, good idea. Goodnight (Y/N).”, he said as he left your arms and laid back in his bed.

“Goodnight Namjoon.”

You moved to your bed, falling asleep with a content smile.

This is how you spent the next 7 years with Kim Namjoon as your boyfriend, of course it wasn’t easy every day, as living in different time zones, and him being a full-time idol who grown more and more popular every day passing. Like every couples you had your fights and being unable to make up with either sex or cuddles was pretty frustrating. You were able to see him sometimes when he had breaks and you enjoyed and cherished those moments very dearly, but sadly you couldn’t see as often as you would. Nobody except your family knew that you were dating. Of course, at firsts your parents had been sceptical, thinking that it was just some hormonal teenagers feelings, but after noticing that you were serious and engaged in your relationship they supported you.

So here you were, inside your plane to Korea to meet your boyfriend you weren’t able to see in a while. You were quite excited, and the trip was long, so you slept for a long time, hoping that when you woke up, you’ll be in Korea or close enough. Sadly for you, you still had half of the trip that you still had to do.

You occupied yourself as much as you could do but luckily, in the end the trip went pretty quickly. You landed at Incheon airport after around 12 hours of flight, when you took your first steps on the Korean soil you couldn’t help but grin.

You took out your phone, sending a text to your lover, before going to the conveyor, reclaiming your belongings before going toward the public entry, you felt you phone vibrating, you opened it, it was a text from Namjoon that he was going to wait for you in a car at Incheon City Hall to avoid any commotions in the airport, he also gave you the brand, the colour and the first number of the car.

You moved as fast as you could to catch your bus, even though it was hard for you to know that you’ll have to wait for another hour before finally being reunited with him.

Once you reached the station you went to the parking and you looked around before noticing the car Namjoon was in. You grinned and trotted until you reached it. You knocked at the window and Namjoon perked, his eyes lighting up as he saw you. He got out of the car to meet you. Once he was close enough he lowered his mask and kissed you hard.

You felt a laughter bubbled in you throat. You put your luggage on the ground and put your arms around him. After a few seconds he stopped the kiss and put his mask back in place.

“I’m sorry we can’t kiss longer for the moment, but I want to avoid any risks for your to be exposed.”

“Of course don’t worry.”

He helped you with your bags and opened the trunk of his car where you put all your things. He closed it while you went to the front of the car and sat in the passenger sit. He came few seconds after you and took your hand with his, softly kissing it through his mask.

“I missed you so much (Y/N)”

“I missed you too… I’m glad to be able to spend some time with you.”

His eyes crinkled and he started the car, he told you that both of you were going back to his parents’ houses, it had been a while since you saw them (along with his sister) and you couldn’t help but being anxious about it, last time you saw them it was in 2016, and it was before Namjoon came out to them and told them you were dating. He told you they reacted pretty well, and it seemed it didn’t disturb them more than that when you did call with them, but it was the first time you’ll see them as Namjoon’s boyfriend and that was frankly scary for you.

After maybe an hour in the car you reached Namjoon’s family’s house. The car stopped and you felt you hand starting to shake slightly. Your boyfriend noticed that too and he took them in his hands.

“It’s okay, they love you already so much.”

“H-How?”

He snorted.

“I’ve known you for more than 10 years, and you didn’t saw my parents since I came out to them, of course you’re going to be stressed. It’s okay, they love you too.”

You nodded at his reassuring words as he quickly kissed your lips. You both left the car to get you things that were still in the trunk, you suddenly stilled when he closed it.

“I didn’t thought of that before but… How should I call them?”

“Aaah you worry too much love! Just call them as you did before they knew we were dating, it’s okay.”

You nodded and took you bags trying to calm down. You followed Namjoon until he reached the front door. He took out his keys and opened the door. As he did that and entered first in the house you could hear your heartbeat pounding loudly and you took a deep breath before following him.

“Appa! Eomma! I’m back and I brought back (Y/N)!”

As you took off your shoes you heard footsteps coming towards where you were located, when you rose you head both of his parents were here and Namjoon was kissing them hello.

You slightly bowed you head when they looked at you and quickly took your backpack.

“Hello Mrs. and Mr Kim! I’m glad to see you again… Erm here! I brought you a little something from (country) I hope you will like it.”

Behind them Namjoon laughed silently at your stress and you frowned at him discreetly. His parents told you to come closer and they hugged you. His mother spoke first.

“It’s okay (Y/N)-suh-bang, call us appa and eomma you’ve know us for a while and you’re dating Namjoon!”

You flushed bright as she called you her son-in-law, you weren’t engaged to Namjoon and she called you that way. Behind your boyfriend seemed to tell you with his eyes “See?”, you set your gaze back on his mother and smiled shily at her.

“Ah- A-Alright Mr- Eomma.” The back of your neck was burning as you said that, the new appellation being completely different from what you got used to.

His father stepped next, taking you hand in his and shaking it.

“Thank you for being friend and lover to Namjoon, you seem to take a great care of him, I’m glad he met you (Y/N).”

“I’m the lucky one A-Appa, he’s the one who brighten my days when I have a message of him.”

Namjoon blushed hard as you said that, and you flashed him a little grin. His parents thanked you for the gifts and you thanked them for allowing you to stay here for a little while.

“You can put your things in Namjoon’s bedroom, we will let you be lovebirds! Also, your sister will come later, she’s still in classes.”

Namjoon and you nodded before you moved your things into his bedroom. When all your suitcases where put in his bedroom he caught you off-guard by gripping your face with both his hands and kissing you deeply. You were surprised at first but then you relaxed and deepened the kiss. One of your hand slided around his waist, the other putting itself on his face. You sighed as his tongue poked at your lips and you gladly accepted it. You felt like two teenagers, but it was fair, it’s been a while since you got one of his mind-blowing kisses and you just wanted to pounce on him now. Sadly for you, you were in his parents’ house so it wouldn’t be a good idea to go all the way with his parents close enough to surprise you.

You stopped after a while, both of you panting Namjoon suddenly softly rubbed his nose against yours, making you laugh. He watched you with a little smile and suddenly looked a bit more serious.

“I… I’d like to talk to you about something.”

“Of course, you know I’ll always listen to you.”

He took your hands in his and kissed softly your fingertips.

“I’d like people to know about us.”

“What?”

“I want my fans to know about us, I don’t want to have to hide even more than usually to go on dates with you. I want… I just don’t want to hide anymore, the other members know about us because we’re literally living together and I had to tell them. And the company only know that I have a significant other because . We’ve been together for like 7 years, it’s not fair that we have to hide even more because I just want to claim my love for you from the highest building of Seoul and I just can’t…”

You were shocked at what he said, of course you badly wanted to announce how in love you were with Namjoon but you were also very scared, you knew by watching scandals and all that fans weren’t always happy when and idol dated another. How would it be for an idol and a random who’s a male on the top of that?

“Namjoon… That’s… I’d like to do that, but have you seen how fans reacts to straight couples between two idols? How would they about us? What about your company? If they want us to break up or I don’t know, if they don’t allow you to see me anymore? What about your carrier it could affect the group badly too!”

“I’ve thought about that and I know it could badly impact my carrier but maybe it would help other LGBT+ Koreans to not be scared of affirming themselves, and yeah… I want to tell the world how much you count for me.”

You enveloped him in a hug, your eyes were stinging a little bit from hearing his confession.

“I can’t promise everything will be okay but I’ll be with you through every step of it.”

You nodded and kissed his shoulder; you couldn’t help being worried for his safety and yours. You stood there hugging each other for a few instants.

“Let’s stop thinking about that for the moment, we should just have fun. Let’s chill and you can tell me what you did for the last few weeks.”

You both sat on his bed and talked for a few hours until you fell asleep to him talking about his latest concert.

Later that day Namjoon’s parents came looking for you as his sister arrived home. They lightly knocked and opened when none of you responded and found you intertwined, your head lied on Namjoon’s torso as he was enveloping you protectively. His parents smiled and took a picture before waking up you.

You both went downstairs where you saw his sisters. The five of you ate dinner, talking about everything and nothing but mainly catching up with the family. Once the meal was finished you stayed talking a bit more before you and Namjoon retreated so you could go sleep. You had both discussed with the family about Namjoon doing his coming out and announce your couple and they had agreed that you should talk about that to the other members and mainly to the company. Namjoon had sent a text to his manager asking to talk about your relationship with you being present

Once both of you showered (together of course ( ͡° ͜ʖ ͡°) ) you installed the bed and both of you cozied yourself under the blanket and cuddled with Namjoon. You spent a good time kissing and whispering sweet words to each other. After a while you once again fell asleep peacefully together.

The next morning Namjoon woke you up sweetly with soft kisses on your back. You sighed softly as he asked you to wake up so you could take the breakfast with his family. The thought of a real Korean breakfast was making you salivate, it actually had been a while since you ate a real one, as you couldn’t get any fresh ingredients to prepare it in (country).

You were about to put some “normal” clothes when Namjoon told you it wasn’t worth it as everyone would be in pyjamas.

You ate the breakfast with the family, eating a little bit more than usual as you missed that kind of food. After a good half an hour eating and discussing you both left to prepare yourself to the meeting with Namjoon’s manager.

He helped you finding clothes that wouldn’t attract the fans and paparazzi’s attention, hiding the bottom of your face with a mask and putting your hair under a cap. Once you were ready both of you went to the car and you could feel the adrenaline rise inside of you and your body felt suddenly quite hot, and not the pleasurable kind. Namjoon turned his head to look at you and he smiled trying to reassure you.

“I can’t say everything is going to be okay and everyone will accept our relationship easily but I’ll be here for you, I won’t leave you alone with them."

He put his hand on your knee and caressed it with his thumb, trying to calm you down. After half an hour driving in silence, sometimes discussing to reassure you, you arrived in front of Big Hit. Luckily there was a parking underground for employees and idols. Once he parked his car he took your shaking hand in his and kissed it.

“Don’t worry love, I won’t leave your side. Everything is going to be okay.”

_________________

You nodded at him and exhaled a shaky breath before following him outside the car and to the elevator that was going to bring your to your death to where the manager was waiting for you.

A/N: Oh wow finally published this! And I decided to make it a small series of it! Please leave me your thoughts about it!

Well I hope you enjoyed this first part! And don’t hesitate to leave a comment and reblog if you enjoyed it!

[bts-trash-blog]

Golden: Part 1~ Moon

Summary: Watercolor splashes, and yet all that splashed on your skin was ink, while his was gold. Cold and warm. Sweet and sour. Love and lust. Yet it made so much sense..sadly he couldn’t see it.

Pariing: Min Yoongi X Chubby Reader

Warnings: Angst, mentions of depression, inscrurites, smut and some mentions of past toxic relationships. Just poor Yoongi tbh.

STORY PREVIEW ._. NEXT

You always had a tenacity to overstay your welcome in this little coffee shop down the street from your apartment, especially when you get busy reading a new story, always nursing on a cup of coffee that is ice cold just to watch the sun set. You always apologized profusely as you offered to buy a leftover pastry for overstaying, though Namjoon, the owner, had grown accustomed to your watch full eyes. Always letting you stay as he closes up, even telling you some new books you should check out, Namjoon had deemed you his friend within a month of watching your schedule. You worked early mornings at a shelter as a vet tech, working too many hours for such little pay. Yet you always came to his coffee shop after you had gone home from your shift, changed from your scrubs, and sat down ordering the same old black coffee with four sugars. He nicknamed you ‘moon’, he always called you it when topping off your cup, for free, catching your attention.  When you asked him as to why he called you moon he couldn’t help but smile his wide bright dimple smile your way.

“The moon is a hidden, and overlooked beauty.”  His words had your round cheeks turn pink, as you looked down at the book in your lap, shaking your head you looked back up at him and gave him a tight lipped smile.

“If only that was true Namjoon.” Your words were followed by a slight bow to the head, as you stood up and left, Namjoon left standing there curious as to why that had affected you the way it did. But he waited for your return the next day, yet that didn't come. In fact you did arrive back to your beloved coffee spot for over a week. When you did, your friend Jimin was following after you, his bright pink hair catching the older males attention, watching your skin, and when no color appeared he couldn’t help but frown. Hoping that was the reason you didn’t come in for a week, that your soulmate had taken up your free time and not his supposed to be soft and kind words. But the latter seemed to have been the case.

“Jimin, I swear the Shiba wanted me dead, all I needed to do was give it a nail trim and it was acting as if I wanted to cut it open.” Your voice floats through his ears as he comes by your table, your regular cup of black coffee in hand making you smile at him. “Thanks Joon, this past week has been a pain and I’ve missed this place.”

“Well then why didn’t you come in?” His question had Jimin chuckling as you let out a groan and smile at Namjoon.

“I decided I would pick up a double shift at the clinic for spay and neuter week, and let me tell you, I will not be doing that again. Jimin over here  was my saving grace, but the black coffee he got me was just not like the ones you brew.” Your words had his cheek dust rose, as he looked at Jimin.

“Is there anything you would like to drink?”

“I’ll take a passion tea, and a lemon cake if you have any.” Your eyes widened with what seemed to be joy, as you looked to Namjoon with a child like gleam in your eyes.

“Oh my, yeah can I have some lemon cake too, today Joon?” He chuckles as he nods, turning away from you, you watch as the brasita and owner of the shop walk away.

“Have you touched skin yet? Any color?” Jimins question had you frown as you looked down in the mug of coffee and shook your head.

“Yeah, no color, it kinda disappointed me at first, cause a tech with a coffee shop owner would be a match made in heaven. But I guess it isn’t.” Jimin nods in understanding as he looks at you, worry laced behind his eyes as you smile his way. “But it doesn’t mean I can’t be friends with him, which I am.”

“You have friends outside of the clinic?” His words had you pouting as you giggled and pasted your lips.

“Yes I do, I don’t want to talk about dog testicals and abeses all day, I would like to have a normal conversation without the mentions of an animal's bowel movements in it.” Your words had Jimin's crescent moon laughter, doubling over onto the table as he shook his head on top of his arm. “What? Is that a lie?”

“No, no it's not, it's just I love you that's all.” His words had you shake your head. Namjoon came back around, Jimin sitting up as he thanked him. When a new body behind the counter caught your eyes. Your lingering eyes on the board back had Namjoon spinning around, a large smile gracing his face as he saw his Soulmate working behind the counter.

“That's Jin, my partner in both business and personal life.” His words had you and Jimin staring at him in aw, realization that you have a friend who has actually found his soulmate. His eyes widen as he slowly realizes that too, especially as he watched as you and  Jimin seemingly communicating with one another through your looks. “Oh boy.”

“Soulmates, huh.” You said slightly leaning back, only for the chair you were in to slightly wobble, making Jimin almost spit out the sip of tea he had just sipped. The noise of your squeal, and Namjoons steading hands had some other customers look your way, making you blush as you stared down at the table, embarrassment smashing through your chest, but so was laughter.

“I can’t take you anywhere.” Jimin stated, as Namjoon kept his hands on your shoulders, no warmth, no color spreading down your bare skin where his skin touched. Though you understood. You still felt a little disappointed.

“First off, I dragged you here, secondly I can’t take myself anywhere, I always seem to trip or do what I just did. I’m a idiot.” You mumbled, a small smile playing on your lips, as Namjoon finally let you go. “Anyway, back to what I was saying before I almost wobbled down to my death.”

“Something about soulmates.” Jimin said, making you nod as Namjoon sighed and grabbed a chair, decided it was the best time to take a break.

“Ah yes!” You said with a smile, breaking off a piece of the lemon bread, almost moaning at the taste once it hit your lips. “You and that Jin fellow.”

“Yes, yes we’re soulmates, I’m red and he’s pink.” His quick reply had you frowning almost, not wanting to bug him with questions that many others had probably asked. “Sorry if that came out rude, I just like getting it out there you know?” Both you and Jimin nod in response as Namjoon smiles. “So any questions?”

“What do the colors feel like?” Jimin asked, making you lean in slightly as you sip onto your coffee.

“Warmth, but also...its a bit hard to explain..but fireworkey almost.” His words have you smiling brightly as you watch the board man move around, in the back, making orders. “It also took my family a while to accept us, heck I still don’t think they fully do.. even as soulmates, being gay isn’t always seen as okay.” His words had Jimin and you frown, you hand reaching out for one of his, Jimins doing the same. “I love Seokjin, I love him so much. But my family just doesn’t..I lost friends.”

“Well, you’re not losing me.” Your words had his eyes snap up, a smile spreading across his face, as you give him a similar look. “You can’t help who you love, let alone who your soulmate is.”

“Yeah, I know we just met but I would love to be friends with you.” Jimin said, his eyes lingering on the older man as he smiled, when all of sudden, you watch a baby pink spread across his neck, fingers resting on his skin as it slowly spread across his cheek from where you watch plush red lips press against.

“It’s time for my break baby.” The voice of you could only assume was Seokjin, Namjoon smile bright, his own hand pressing against his soulmate's skin, a bright fire like red spread across his skin. Splashing as he let out, watching the color on their skin slowly evaporate within seconds.

“Of course my love, welp it's time for me to work. It was nice to meet you Jimin, I hope I’ll see you soon Moon.” Namjoons words had Seokjin's eyes snap to you, a smile growing on his lips.

“So this is ms moon.” His words had you blushing as you looked down to your almost empty cup of coffee, you watched as Namjoon smiled and left to the counter to take orders.  Seokjin smiled as he took his soulmate's seat, his eyes bright as he stared at you. “I’m Seokjin, but you can call me Jin.” You nodded as you watch him reach his hand out, following you take your hand with him.

“I’m Y/n..or as Joon calls me Moon.” You chuckle a bit at the nickname as Jin smiled brightly at you.

“Joon is a mess, but at last I love him.”  You nod as you took the last sip of your coffee, your phone dinging making you slightly jump, as the two boys fall into conversation.  Looking at your phone you see it was from your roommate, Hoseok. A dance teacher at an art school, though he was young he was one of the best there was to be, he worked with people his age and younger, sometimes even a bit older than him. You and him had been friends since  high school, he took care of you, becoming your older brother figure. He was a dork, and kind of an idiot, but he was also your sunshine.

Hobi: Do you need anything at the store?

      Y/n: Can you pick up some more banana milk and some black noodle instant ramen? Thank you hobi

Hobi: No problem kid, I’ll see you at home.

Smiling you see Jin staring at you, a raised eyebrow as he looks between your smiling face and your phone. “Soulmate?” Letting out a laugh you shake your head as Jimin follows.

“Roomate, I haven’t found mine yet.”He nods as he looks to the counter and smiles.

“Well our sweet Moon, when you found them. I hope you understand to cherish them, and I hope you understand that you need to also cherish yourself.”

[mickeymouse-moshpit]

street lights, people

A/N: Hello, kind readers of this fic that I have taken entirely too long to update. I’m so sorry for the wait! And I also have to apologize because there is a whole first part of this that is stored on my computer, which is currently in the mail for repairs. I will post that part as well once it’s back, just please hold on and know that 1) there’s definitely context to being on Fennec’s bike in it and 2) there will be spicy things in the next part. Anyway, uh, if there’s typos I’m very sorry, and enjoy!

Description: Fennec and peds!Reader go on a date

Warnings: Some brief verbal harassment, brief description of dissociating, a little angst if you squint hard enough, Fennec and peds!Reader doing their thing 

Rating: T

Word count: 2.7K

January 24th 

Read part one here

You followed her out and down the lined path, hands sitting in the pockets of your jacket to keep warm. She threaded her arm through yours, and led you down the street to a book shop of all places.

“I remembered you telling me about that new series you wanted to read, something about gay witches? And you’re always talking about how much you want to go to the bookstore but you never do. So, go browse. I want to see what your process looks like.”

“Th—that’s really thoughtful. I don’t know that I really have a true process, but yeah let’s go look!” You opened the door for her, a light going on inside you as you got your first waft of bookstore smell: the paper, the ink. You got the first wave of the noise: the low music playing in the background, the people there talking in hushed tones. You couldn’t make out any conversations happening, could barely hear that there were lyrics in the music. You stopped for a moment, scanning the layout of the room. Your eyes landed first on the display of bookmarks and postcards, making a mental note to get one or two of each to remember this little town so you could find it one day. But then your train of thought halted: could you come here alone?

Best not to dwell.

Your eyes resumed their scanning, noting the different sections. You wandered to the right, letting your gaze drift over the painting beside the door. It was line art of two bodies intertwined, splashed with color to resemble a galaxy where they met. The notecard below it gave the title and artist’s name. And a price. You were struck by how nice it would look on your art wall. But that was for another day.

You started your first pass through the stacks, letting your eyes skate over the spines of the books, pausing to read the note cards when they gave a recommendation from one of the workers. Your fingers started to take on a mind of their own, catching on books here and there, bringing them out for you to investigate. Every couple of them, you would open to the first page, let the author’s words try to entice you. You put most of them back, but a green paperback one with a bent cover stayed behind. You held it close as you continued on, pacing with no purpose at all. If someone didn’t know you, they would think you had a system, but really you were just letting yourself be on autopilot. That is, until you got to the section that housed the series you had read about and wanted.

“This is it!” You hoped your whisper would convey your excitement to Fennec. You had been watching book recommendation videos and this series had come up, promising both a love story and adventure. “I hope th—they do! They’ve got both!”

You plucked both the paperback and hardcover from the shelves, adding them to your little stash. Your small smile would not leave your face.

Fennec watched as you dragged yourself away from the section, mentally patting herself on the back for this idea. You looked so happy, at peace. If she was a part of that? She would consider herself both clever and immensely lucky. As she followed you back to one of the sections you had drifted through, she watched your perusing turn into a hunt. You furrowed your brow as you sank down to kneel and scan for what she wasn’t quite sure. She pulled two more books from the shelf.

“Have you read this one?” She held up a copy of a book called Circe.

“No, but someone at work was talking about it the other day.” She hoped you wouldn’t be disappointed, and wasn’t disappointed when you slid the book back into its place with a mischievous look. Fennec’s mind went straight into the gutter for a moment, imagining you in a very different situation but with the same look.

“Good, you’ll borrow my copy.” There was no arguing, it was a fact. She would.

You stood up again, still holding onto the other book. You were off again, and while she thought you clutching four books to your chest was possibly the cutest thing she had ever seen, you were going to drop one if you kept getting distracted. When you stopped again, she held her hands out.

“Here, let me carry them. You use your hands to browse.”

You nodded once and sank down again, grabbing one of the recommended titles and popping up again. You paused, before setting it on the pile Fennec was holding, warmth building in your face as she gave you one of her smiles.

You set off with one more stop in mind. The waiting room library at your office was lacking in chapter books as of late. You let your feet carry you to the children’s section.

“What are we doing here? I didn’t take you for the Warrior Cats type. “

“The selection of chapter books in my waiting room is looking a little sparse here lately. I want to see what the kids are into so I can update the wishlist.”

Fennec looked at you like you had suddenly turned purple with polka dots and sprouted antennae.

“I have a bookshelf in the waiting room, and I always make it clear to kids and parents that the books on it are meant to be read, cherished, read again, both while waiting and when they go home, with no expectation of return. The Little Golden Books usually do come back, just like most of the other books meant for the teeny-tinies. The chapter books get sparse and don’t tend to come back, but I like it that way. It means I’ve got another reader who gets to learn about the magic of words.”

“But where do the books come from?”

“Well, at first it was just me. There were some parents who made it very clear when I mentioned the shelf that they were perfectly capable of providing their kids with books and how dare I assume otherwise. There were others that you could tell were extremely grateful. There were also a few that had a problem with it but not for any good reason but I’m sure you know what kind of parents I’m getting at.”

She did.

“Then one day I was in the little shop in town and one of the little ones who had started on chapter books saw me and ran up, telling me all about how she had saved her allowance and she was able to get the sequel to the book she had gotten from me. The owner of the shop heard it, and when I went to buy the book I had picked out along with some chapter books for the waiting room, he told me he would let me start a wishlist and he would put it by the register for people to see and maybe buy one or two.”

“Do you usually get what you ask for?”

“It depends on the time of year. During the holidays people get more generous so it’s time to update the list. Hence the reading castle.” You gestured to the structure before you, an alcove that had a castle facade and was filled with still more books. “And the wall of chapter books.”

Before she could formulate a response, you had pulled out your phone and started making a list. Fennec watched you with an emotion she wasn’t sure how to name. The earnest way you took on your task had her pulling out her own phone while you weren’t watching to send a message to the garage group chat. When you had finished, you brushed a hand over her shoulder as you walked by.

You wandered to your last stop: the display at the front. You picked out a pack of bookmarks that were little magnetic trees before turning your attention to the display of postcards. You chose one that was a picture of the gazebo in the middle of town at night, surrounded by twinkle lights with “wish you were here” in small text at the bottom.

You walked up to the register and Fennec plopped your pile of finds on the counter.

“Did you find everything you were looking for?” The older salesperson behind the register had half a smirk on his face as he queried you. “I haven’t seen someone quite as methodical as you, even covered the section for children.”

You weren’t sure if the sarcastic tone was real or meant as a lighthearted joke, but either way you felt your cheeks warm again, and not in a good way. You wondered for a moment if the ground would open up and swallow you whole. You felt Fennec’s arm wrap its way around your torso again as the salesperson started ringing up the books.

“Being thorough is one of the best things about her. And this is just me, but I think it would be kind of nice if my kid’s pediatrician knew enough about what their media looked like to be able to talk to them at their level about things other than their health.”

“Oh so she’s a big kid is what you’re saying? What, does she play with dolls, or are toys more for the bedroom?” That definitely wasn’t meant in a kind way.

Fennec’s arm tightened around you before you got the chance to just slip away and out the door, as if she knew that was something you might do.

“I would stop talking about them if I were you.” Her voice was low, had taken on a dangerous edge that matched what others saw in her leather jacket.

He got the hint, hurrying up with the transaction. When the final total came up, you reached into your pocket, not really feeling anything for that moment or registering the number that flashed in your general direction. Before you could get your card liberated, Fennec was already sliding hers into the chip reader. You wanted to protest, wanted to tell her it was too much, but the interaction was a sea witch that had stolen your voice and you could only look on as the books and other small items were wrapped and put into a bag and Fennec was turning you in a circle to get you out of the shop.

You weren’t even aware that your feet had moved until you were in front of her bike and she had distributed the books into the two saddle bags. She faced you and put her hands on your shoulders.

“Are you okay?”

You looked at her, answering her question with the question mark that had seemingly etched itself on your face.

“Hello? Earth to Doc? Are you in there?” She gave your shoulders a little shake, before she wrapped you in her arms. You finally felt like you could take a deep breath again as you rested your head in the crook of her neck, letting the pressure she was providing ground you again.

“I’m sorry,” you whispered into the collar of her sweater.

“You have nothing to be sorry for. He should be sorry. If he hadn’t stopped talking, I would have made him sorry.”

“I wanted to stop you from paying, it was too much.”

“No. I wanted to do that, it was the plan from the beginning.”

“Really?” You pulled back slightly, peeking at her, searching her face but not having much luck in the low light.

“Yes really. Now, I had something else planned, do you want to know what it is so you can decide if you still want to do it?”

You considered it, but the phantom hollow in your chest and the way your arms and legs still didn’t feel like they belonged to you gave you your answer.

“I want to know, but not yet. Keep it secret, show me next time. I’ve got my own idea though. Will you take me home? I want to show you the Books.”

***

You didn’t want to let go of her, but you needed to if you were going to go inside where it was warm. So you did. When she had taken the books out and put them back in their bag, you headed for the three steps that led up to the door of your half of the duplex. You unlocked the door, nearly dropping the keys because your hands were so cold. You caught them before Fennec could tease you about it.

You clicked on the light in the entryway, lighting the way as she took a few steps inside again. You took the bag from her, and nodded to your left. Behind the stairs to the loft, there was a doorway. You walked through it and to the right, knowing the room in the darkness. You stepped on the clicker for the floor lamp, bathing the room in a soft glow. You walked over to the electric fireplace that added some extra heat to the room, switching it on.

You went back to where she was standing in the doorway, like she wasn’t quite sure what to do with her hands. You took them in yours and brought her in.

Her eyes widened as she took in the space.

The room screamed comfort. All four walls were covered by bookshelves that reached the ceiling, with two interruptions. The first was around the fireplace, if you could even call it that. There was a painting in front of it, but her eyes were too busy wandering to take it in just yet. Her gaze drifted to the window, where either you or the previous owners had built a seat large and plush enough to recline in. While that should have been the star of the room, it wasn’t.

In front of the fireplace was a massive sectional sofa. She was sure it had to have a pull out option you were taking advantage of because it looked more like a bed-sofa hybrid with the way the middle was seemingly filled to the brim with throw pillows and faux-fur blankets.

You stood watching her take it in, as she eventually started looking at the books lining the shelves, punctuated by the odd piece of memorabilia. There was such a variety, all alphabetized, with the only delineation by genre she could see being poetry and prose. As she browsed, you placed your books on the window seat, and from under it produced two stamps: one to mark the books as yours, and one to put a place for people who borrowed them to sign. Others always asked if it was to make sure they came back, but you always replied with no, it was to make sure people could see if they had borrowed them before. You put the books onto the rolling cart that already had a small pile to be put away. Some of them were new, some you had reread and needed to return.

Task complete, you perched on the back of the couch to watch her.

“I should start referring to you as a dragon. You’ve got quite the hoard, baby.” Her words were quiet, wrapped with kindness. “It’s impressive. Thank you for showing me this part of you.”

“I just really like them.” Your smile was growing as she got closer to you. You stood and wrapped yourself around her again. “Does that make you the maiden in need of rescue?”

“Oh, no, you can keep me here as long as you want. Besides, don’t you know the dragon needs saving too sometimes?”

“In that case…” You paused, stealing yourself. “Would you stay a while? I can make tea, we can read, if you’re okay with you could do that pressure thing again?”

“You mean will I hold you close, let you hide your face in my neck for a minute again? Let you whisper things you don’t think I’ll hear but I will anyway?”

You nodded once.

“In that case, I’ll do ‘that pressure thing’ for as long as you need me to. But you have to let me try out this couch nest thing because it looks amazing.”

“Of course, but the first rule of the dragon’s lair is this: no jackets.”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

More author’s notes: if you’re curious about what series peds!Reader was looking for, it’s These Witches Don’t Burn and its sequel by Isabel Sterling. She wants Fennec to read Circe by Madeline Miller, and she bought The Song of Achilles, also by Madeline Miller

Tagging: @phoenixhalliwell @promiscuoussatan @maybege @jangofctts 

[cristalknife]

Kadam Week 2021 Day 1 ~ Do You Want To Be A Pirate?

So this is me trying to not start something on a platform only to post solely somewhere else aka AO3 and ff.net  you can find the complete list of Kadam Week 2021 prompts and you might find more stories on the Kadam Week 2021 AO3 collection

That said, the fist prompt was Puzzles and Games. And what represents better both than a treasure hunt? So here we go, I present to you Do You Want To Be A Pirate?

All the student body was abuzz, the annual treasure hunt was to be announced soon, it was always a great event. Mainly because the winner of the event earned a full booklet of backstage passes. Sixteen of them, completely blank to be used at the winner discretion during the current theatre season.

No limits were imposed on how the passes were to be used, be in a single show with a large group or even touring all the shows solo. The catch was that if multiple shows were to be watched by a group of two people up, the winner had to be there for each show.

Those booklets were the courtesy of Alumni working in the field. And to be honest it was a fun event for the faculty as well to create the set of riddles and clues needed to reach the destination.

It was supposed to be a moment of fun,  but at the same time given the kind of prize, it was not meant to be effortless.

However to the faculty disappointment, the individuals only rule with no cooperation allowed present in the previous editions, resulted in no winners for the past couple of years.

After consulting the sponsor, it was decided that for this year students could sign up as pairs.

But if the students decided to sign up as pair, then both the winners would have to be present each time they were to use the passes.

And apparently that wasn’t a condition that some were comfortable with, while others like Kurt were actually overjoyed.

Once he heard of the treasure hunt, he went out searching for Adam, barely containing his elation and desire to share the news.

Upon finding his boyfriend, Kurt was barely able to contain his excitement and he launched himself into Adam's arm sure he'd be caught.

Adam grinned and kissed Kurt back, holding him securely before saying "Hellu Love, what got you so excited?"

Kurt chuckled and as soon as his feet touched the floor once more he raised the flier and pointed to the fine prints "They mentioned a change in the rules and on this year’s event people can sign up as pairs. The catch is that both need to be present when using the passes, so you're game signing up with me?"

Adam raised an eyebrow curious before reading the flier aloud "The Annual Treasure Hunt? Is that what got you so excited? Except for my freshman year, I don't recall any of those events actually ever having winners"

Erika came up from the side and quipped "Three years ago was the last time someone won, but it was again one of the last seniors graduating. After that batch left, no one ever figured out the clues, I'm surprised the faculty still does it"

Kurt shrugged "Well the prize makes very much sense for the school, I mean blank passes for the backstage of current productions? That sounds interesting, and sixteen of them would actually mean we could all go together as a group and still have two spares for the winning team to get another show, or split between two productions..."

Kurt speech had most of the Apples smiling and send to their favourite freshie an adoring look.

Adam still amazed by his boyfriend asked softly "So you suggest a common effort and register more than one team, and then Apples parties at my place, where we could all chill out and talk about our days?"

JJ quipped up "Only if that involved baked goods from both our favourite bakers, because Adam ma man, I love your cookies but gimme Kurt's  casserole and salty cupcakes any time, and I could even fight you off and offer my hand in marriage for having those every day"

Kurt snorted and swatted away playfully JJ's offered hand "You are not even remotely bi-curious, If I wanted to live with an overgrown kid who'd stay with me for my cooking I'd simply invite my brother to move in with me"

Everyone around chuckled at that and JJ pouted mockingly offended "Are you insinuating I'm not man enough for you?"

Adam then stepped in smirking "More like implying that all the main male leads in his life are already cast, and you dear friend can only be the occasional torn in our butt, one that comes every now and then to offer his company in exchange for delicious food..."

Grinning like a cheshire cat JJ quipped back "Well we all know that the good ones are all gay, unavailable or happily being both together"

Everyone broke down in giggles and with resolute nods each claimed a partner. The divide and conquer idea Kurt had was very intriguing, and the thought of getting the upper hand on an event that even the Perks couldn't get their way by popularity alone, or that no one else won for the past couple of years had its allure…

Especially given the mixed composition of techies and performers in their group.

Seeing Kurt smiling radiantly was something each member of the Apples enjoyed and cherished.

Especially since the big fallout, or as it was known amongst them, the great purge of the toxic influx in Kurt's life.

Also known as the day when Miss fallen out Diva Berry left the loft in a huff and Kurt and his roommate Santana took the storming out literally and changed the key of the padlock.

Sending all of Berry’s stuff back to the temporary storage place two blocks away from bushwick, with a 3 days grace period and a week paid with Berry's part of the deposit.

Kurt himself was just very happy to be surrounded by friends who supported him as much as he supported them.

Being with Adam and being friends with all the members of the Adam's Apples, had given him a perspective he never knew he desperately needed, and it also lowered his tolerance for taking crap by those who were supposed to be on his side.

Kurt was not secretly very excited by the prospect of looking forward to something in his life that could be just fun and despite being officially a competition. He was still able to live it as an adventure, to be shared with his boyfriend and all their friends as well.

As they walked away from the registration boot and reading the first clue ‘Every adventure needs a captain to sail for the treasure island’

Kurt giggle when Adam playfully whispered in his ear "Aye aye captain let's get our sea legs on"

Kurt nodded and they made it to the costume department through the back corridors, not wanting to tip off the other not Apples participants, while their friends instead received simply a gentle reminded in their text chat, that all hearties were to meet at rehearsal later in the week same place same time.

Indeed their guess was correct when they found the next clue stating ‘Never forget those who came before you’

Kurt and Adam took the chance to grab a quick lunch as they discussed the clue. Adam was the first one to attempt to solve it "If we are thinking about the school that would send us to the hall of fame"

Kurt nodded slowly but tapped his finger against his lips "But what if it's a more general outlook? We are learning to get into an industry that broadens beyond the limits of the school and its social circles, even if those are still important"

Adam hummed softly mulling over it "So you're suggesting more like the library?"

Kurt nodded "I'm just unsure whether we are supposed to search in the history section itself or go more for the history of Broadway and theatre section"

Adam nodded slowly "there's no rule about not searching blindly both"

Kurt chuckled and nodded as well, after finishing his cup he raised an eyebrow in silent question and received a simple nod in response.

Once in the library, Adam was the one to take over the history of Broadway and the theatre section while Kurt went through the History books.

It took a while but finally Adam was successful and found a piece of plasticised parchment with what appeared half of the final clue.

The mention of a second half made him frown, but with nothing else to be found there, he simply took a picture of it with his phone.

He then placed the clue back inside the book and the book back on the shelf before going to find Kurt, hoping his got lucky and found the second half.

"Did you get anything?"

Kurt shook his head a little put off "No absolutely nothing, you?"

Adam nodded "Yeah I found something but it's only half of the final clue"

Kurt frowned confused "Guess it's time to start some baking then hmmm?"

Adam smiled and leaned forward to give Kurt a small peck on his cheek trying to stop the frowning "We could do directly at my place and then make an evening out of it"

The offer, as Adam hoped, brought a smile on Kurt's face as he replied coyly "I'd love that, are you offering just the evening or it could turn into a sleepover"

Adam grinned and moved so that he could kiss those cheeky lips, when he was almost where he wanted to be, he breathed quickly "We'll swing by the loft if there's something you absolutely need for tomorrow classes"

He then proceeded to thoroughly kiss his boyfriend.

After classes ended for the day, Kurt sent a message to their chat group informing everyone that it was baking time in the afternoon

Adam raised an eyebrow curiously at the message and Kurt shrugged stating simply "That way we can be sure basically everyone will show up with something to contribute, just before or around dinner time, and then the meeting will become a movie night"

Adam snorted because indeed knowing their friends that was what would most likely happen, "It wasn't exactly what I had in mind when I offered to make an evening out of it darling"

Kurt grinned, mischief gleaming clearly in his eyes "That's why I raised your offer to a sleepover instead..."

And true to Kurt's expectations, that evening all the Apples who didn't have to work, appeared at Adam's doorstep with offerings for the shared evening meal.

Of course those who had worked demanded a do-over with double baked goodies of their faves as personal share...

Once everyone was seated around, Paul, who paired up with JJ for the treasure hunt, asked "How was your hunt we've only found half of the final clue"

Kurt wrinkled his nose "we reached only half of the final clue as well care to see if we've all found the same half or if we lucked out?"

Adam took off his phone and started to read aloud "Congratulation adventurers, you're holding half of the treasure map holding the clue for the final answer you will have to give to someone to receive your treasure, think back on the steps you took to find this and then go and find the last missing piece"

JJ jumped up from his seat exclaiming excitedly "Yes we've got both!"

Paul shook his head smiling and took off his own phone reading "Congratulation adventurers, you're holding half of the treasure map holding the clue to figure out who is the officer that you'll need to impress with the answer that you still need to find to receive your treasure, think back on the steps you took to find this and then go and find the last missing piece"

Everyone was suddenly buzzing with unrestrained excitement when Kurt asked pragmatically "So how are we going to tackle this? Reading both clues together and then split between them or focusing the attention on a single one?"

Adam suggested swiftly "We could actually read them both and then see how to tackle the easier one first"

When everyone nodded Paul continued reading their clue "You might go to Central Park Or catch a show on Broadway...  Where in the world would you be to get to these by subway? Twice... I mean the answer is New York clearly but how does that help us identify who to give our final answer to?"

General groaning raised from around the room when Erika cut in "Adam what is your clue?"

Adam complied and read it for everyone perusal "What show is next in this pattern: A Chorus Line, Into the Woods, Bat Boy, Pacific Overtures, Little Women, Damn Yankees, Camelot, The Pajama Game, Children of Eden. As a hint, there is more than one show that correctly works, but one show fits more ‘perfectly’ than any others.”

Adam raised his phone to let everyone seeing the picture and commented

“As a side note there's only one blank line but its length doesn't seem indicative as it was formatted to look good rather than give a hint on the last name, or at least that’s what it looks like to me"

And everyone had to nod at that consideration at that point Chris' groan was the loudest "I don't get yall, neither of those is any more clear than mat moss paint..."

Kurt sniggered but offered a plate with Chris' favourite cookies on it "It's ok, we can work it out together so any ideas?"

Matt who had been quiet this far asked Kurt speculatively "You already have an idea for at least one of them don't you?"

Kurt looked taken aback and blushed getting himself busy with the food "Nothing solid.."

At that point Adam walked behind Kurt and wrapped his arms around Kurt's waist as he pressed himself against his boyfriend "It's ok Love, you don't have to be right to speak your mind, we are here brainstorming there's no judging with us"

JJ quipped teasingly "I mean we'll obviously judge and tease you till the end of times for getting flustered the first time we took you out for blow jobs, but for this… I mean you're all going to hearing the suggestion my gorilla brain comes up with"

Chris snorted and quipped teasingly "Given what gets spawned out of your mouth I thought you would have said instead that yours is like a pig’s brain."

Matt joined in to the teasing, shaking his head as he grinned salaciously and wiggling his eyebrows "Nah a pig's brain is too big we are talking mouse if everything is in proportion."

Kurt coughed at the double meaning implied in that sentence, he feared JJ would take it badly. But he was once again surprised when JJ put theatrically one hand on his cheek, the other on his chest clearly mimicking a delightful surprise "Oh Matt, my darling why didn't you said that before… All this time you were checking me out  because you wanted some of my sweet sweet love, comma hear lemme give ya some sugar baby"

Everyone erupted in laugher and Matt maturely threw his napkin aiming for JJ's face "You wish man, you wish"

JJ pouted "Harsh dude, harsh, you could have at least throw your cupcake with the napkin"

Kurt sent a levelled glare to both boys "If anyone dares to throw our delicious baked food not only they will stay for the cleanup, but they will be banned to get more baked goodies for the next month"

A single "Ouch" escaped Matt's lips before he silenced himself and raised his arms in surrender.

Paul swatted the back of JJ's head "Don't upset daddy, or I'm so going to gag you next time we are all in the same room to prevent that from happening, I rather enjoy our baked goodies"

Erika quipped at Paul "Which is why you shouldn't save JJ from himself, let him dig his own grave, more goodies for us... Kurt had not said anything about lowering the amount of baked goodies, only put a ban on who can access them"

Chris chuckled and offered their fist to Erika, as they said grinning "Well said girl well said"

Erika smiled brilliantly and bumped the fist and then both made an explosion motion as they both retreated their arms.

Kurt raised an eyebrow at being addressed as daddy, but  Adam just held him a little closer and mouthed later.

So Kurt took the handle of the situation and started sharing his idea hoping for the current teasing to come to a natural rest "well I was thinking on Paul and JJ's clue... What if we need to take that final twice literally? As in the correct answer is New York, New York"

Erika's eyes shone brighter "Like the Scorsese's movie?"

Kurt nodded "Yes that's also the name of the most known song from that movie, so New York New York could be the solution"

Paul pondered and then said "Well if we are talking about a movie would that mean that we are to talk with the dean of the drama department?"

Kurt bit his lips and then he continued explaining his thoughts "I was thinking more about the fact it might refer to the song, which then in turn would make Madam T be the one to speak with, given that she's the dean of vocal performance. And with the movie being also a musical maybe the singing component is more pronounced and would lead to her instead of Mr Keller?"

Adam then said serenely "Once we figure out the answer we could even decide to split and each team going to both of them with the solution."

Murmurs of agreement run through the room until Matt stated "So now we just have to figure out what that list of musicals have in common?"

JJ scratched his head before raising and grabbing few more cupcakes to munch on "Do you think that the fact they cross two centuries means anything?"

Chris promptly opened Adam's computer and pulled up the wikipedia pages of all the listed musicals before shaking their head "Nope they are not in chronological order so it’s not that"

Paul then quipped "And that wouldn't make any sense, the additional hint says that there's only one answer that would fit perfectly... it's not like there's only one new musical coming out every single year"

Erika asked then "I am not familiar with all the titles but are they really all musicals?"

Adam answered "Yeah all of those listed are musicals, so maybe we need to check on the songs?"

Matt then wondered aloud "What if it's something all the songs have? Maybe there's a matching title or a recurring theme?"

Kurt took out his phone and looked around and said "well there's seven of us and nine titles maybe we could each open the list and check them side by side?"

JJ grinned and took out his phone as well "That's a great idea"

Kurt started listing all the songs of chorus line, Matt went on with the ones from into the woods,  JJ giggled like a maniac as he read the bat boy's list. Paul read on the Pacific Overtures and Erika listed the ones from Little Women.

When Adam, who was reading from the Damn Yankees, reached the song titled Six months, Chris exclaimed excited while raising a finger silently asking for a moment "Holy moley I think we got something going here"

Everyone turned, waiting for more explanation that Chris promptly provided "Each of those musicals has a song with a number in their titles" and then they pointed to Kurt who quickly caught up and said "One" and then each proceeded in order Matt said "It takes two", JJ said excited "Three Bedroom House "

Paul grinned starting to see the path as he said "Four Black Dragons"

Erika was grinning madly as she said "Five forever"

Then JJ still super hyped by having discovered the key to decode the clue he asked Chris "So what are the others?"

Chris smirked and started prattling "In Camelot we have ‘The Seven Deadly Virtues’, The Pajama Game has a song called  ‘7½ Cents’ while the Children of Eden has ‘A Piece of Eight’”

Kurt hummed softly and considered aloud "So we have nine musicals mentioned but the last number is eight... What if they had already given us the answer and it's literally Nine?"

Adam whistled impressed "That actually makes so much sense..."

Paul groaned "And if you explain it like that it seems so obvious too"

Erika shrugged "All riddles once explained make so much sense that you usually feel stupid for not reasoning it out before... That's why they are considered brain teasers"

Chris who in the meantime checked out Kurt's suggestion finally quipped triumphantly "That's it guys, we have a winner the answer is indeed Nine, which has a song called guess what?”

Chuckling everyone said at once “Nine"

JJ then scratched his head and then asked "So now we are only unsure on who we need to tell our answer to?"

Paul quipped happily “Me says Adam and Kurt follow Kurt’s reasoning, we follow ours, that way if our suspicion is correct and Kurt is right it’ll be them and not us having a private date… No offence man but I’d really prefer not having my girlfriend gutting me for going out on a date with you”

JJ snorted before sounding almost genuinely upset “Harsh man, harsh”

Paul patted JJ shoulder when Kurt asked confused “But what about the others?”

Matt answered smiling “Kurt you four are the only ones who got to the final clue, I personally wouldn’t like to try to get the prize knowing I barely got to the second one.”

Chris and Erika nodded as well confirming they felt the same way.

Kurt felt relieved that he wasn’t taking advantage of his friends. With everything sorted out, everyone else left leaving just Kurt and Adam alone.

After they settled down Kurt turned to Adam, with a questioning look on his face before asking “Is now later? Do I get to know what the daddy comment was about?”

Adam chuckled softly “Nothing bad Love, I can assure you that, you know that I’m considered the mother hen of the group right?”

Kurt hummed softly nodding as he snuggled closer to Adam who then continued “And well you’re too sweet and kind to all the Apples to be considered a father, but still we are together and we both tend to take care of them so…”

Kurt chuckled and finished shaking his head “So I’m daddy… Not sure how to feel about having so many kids that are all older than me”

They both sniggered at that.

The next day, when they went talking with Madam Tibideaux, they discovered that indeed Kurt’s reasoning was correct, and they got out of her office with the prize and matching grins. ~The End~

[greatcomets]

ferris buellers day off dead poets society and uhhhhh day and age (the album)

YESSSSS yess. thank you for this. i’m gonna try to start making these shorter because they have been. you know. #long post.

1. ferris buellers day off has been my capital F capital M Favorite Movie since i was like....11!! so good and so cool. one time i went on a road trip with my dad and watched it upwards of 50 times in the car. like it would end and i would be like “alright! time to start over!”. just insane person behavior. ANYWAY lol. there are a lot of moments/scenes that get passed around here a lot that rule so very much (a big one being cameron staring at the painting) but something small that i love & cherish is this dialogue from the sears tower:

sloane: the city looks so peaceful from up here. ferris: anything is peaceful from 1,353 feet. cameron: i think i see my dad.

and i don’t know why! but god i love it. it was my email signature in middle school. it just lays out all of their characters really neatly and also in a way that makes me tear up sometimes! also the parade scene. imagine one of those kermit memes with all the heart emojis. god. there’s this couple of seconds of danke schoen where ferris stretches his arm up into the air and kind of looks up at it -- transcendent. also the plot’s repeated reliance on fake phone calls & answering machines. also jeannie’s sock/shoe combo. so so so good. wadda picture!

2. dead poets society

god for all that i am a gay person on tumblr dot com i haven’t watched dead poets society since the day robin williams died. just looked that up and apparently i was 13. wow. does not feel that long ago! wow! wow. so what i have to offer here is maybe a little obvious, but. it IS the thing that happens toward the end of the movie. the big, sad thing. you know! i’m trying to keep it vague for the 3 people left on here who have still somehow never seen it. at the time it felt earthshaking, which makes even more sense now that i know i was 13 at the time. middle school sienna had never seen anything that devastating in a movie before!!! what a way to start. but, yeah. god. like 7 years on i am thinking about it now and i am hearing his voice in my head and i am really, really struggling to remember if i’ve seen a movie do anything so completely unfair since. but also it’s almost 1 am, and i’ve never seen atonement, so what do i know!!!!!! wow. haha !!!! thanks for sending this i like really want to rewatch it now. will probably do that soon thanks to u <33

3. day and age

im UHHHHH god this is hard. GOD this is hard. i associate day & age (& every other killers album) really strongly with summer camp, & if you'd asked me 5 years ago i probably would've said something from a dustland fairytale or spaceman, but i gave it a fresh listen on the way to work the other day and i was like ... LOOOVING joy ride. just having an awesome time speeding down the interstate. idk if it would stick out as much again on a relisten but it was cool to connect w something i had kind of passed over before!!! also always been a fan of that little synth bassline in this is your life. & also yes. the bridge in spaceman. still hits. & i mean HITS. perfect dip & buildup. awesome awesome awesome. thank u for this these were GREAT !!!!! choices :) <3333 sorry it took so long to finish lol

mutuals do this!!:)

[chinguwritings]

A 3RACHA Fan-Fiction

|| Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 ||

A/N: Even though this isn’t doing well, this is the first time in years that I’ve written something for myself and for that reason, I’m gonna keep posting. For any of you who are reading and enjoying this, I hope you like this next chapter! ~ Admin Kay

Chapter 2 - Him

Genre: Angst, Smut, Hanahaki AU

Rating: R (swearing, mentions of depression, suicide, & death, sexual scenes)

Word Count: 3.7k

“Jisung…” Changbin addressed as he lightly nudged him, trying to wake him up. “Jisung!” he said louder, this time shaking him, “You gotta wake up, or else we’ll be late.”

“Ugh,” Jisung mumbled as he shifted in his bed, still refusing to open his eyes, “What time is it?”

“9:45, and we’re supposed to be there at 10. Hurry up and get ready,” Changbin demanded as he rushed out of the room.

“Ugh… dammit,” Jisung complained as he forced himself out of his bed, quickly finding something to wear before heading out.

“Why are you so tired?” Changbin asked as the two boys quickly made their way to the studio.

“I uh- couldn’t sleep last night…” Jisung stuttered, thinking of something on the fly.

“Why? I finished practicing pretty early.”

“It's just… it was one of those nights, y’know?” he replied, hoping Changbin would buy it. Thankfully, it seemed as though he did, considering he put a sudden halt on the questions and just continued on their rush to get to the studio on time.

As they walked, Jisung couldn’t help but reminisce about the emotional experience he’d shared with Chan the night before. It ended up going a lot better than he expected, well, the confession part at least, and now, Jisung valued it as a very special moment in his life that he would cherish forever.

~

“Chan… I’m gay.”

For a moment, there was silence, a shocked expression on Chan’s face as Jisung nervously anticipated his reaction. His heart began to sink the longer the silence drew out, worries filling his head that maybe Chan didn’t agree with such a lifestyle… or maybe he was just worried about Jisung’s career. Afterall, being an idol is tough, and the crowds are always judgemental… maybe something like this really wasn’t good for him… maybe he should’ve kept his mouth shut. Jisung gulped hard, his eyes stinging as he fought back tears.

Maybe this was all a mistake…

Finally, after what felt like forever, Chan rested his hands on each of Jisung’s shoulders, a proud and emotion-filled smile appearing on his face, “Jisung… I’m so proud of you. Coming out… is an incredibly difficult thing to do.”

Jisung let out a huge sigh of relief, the tears that were once filled with worry quickly becoming tears of joy and relief.

“Come here,” Chan spoke, quickly pulling Jisung into a tight hug, “I support you, one hundred percent… and I know the right guy is out there for you somewhere. But if you manage to end up with someone who isn’t treating you right along the way, make sure you tell me so I can kick his ass.”

~

When Jisung planned on coming out, he had hoped that Chan would at least be accepting of his sexuality, but he never imagined he would be that supportive. He was grateful though, knowing that Chan’s positive reaction was a step in the right direction, despite the fact that he might not necessarily share the same sexuality as Jisung. He decided to hold on to the hope that maybe Chan really was gay too, but he just hasn’t yet come to the realization.

“What are you so happy about?” Changbin questioned, noticing that Jisung had been dozing off and was now smiling like an idiot, “Are you high?”

“H-happy? Am I happy?” he chuckled nervously, trying to save himself, “I think it's just the lack of sleep making me go crazy.”

Although he let it slide, yet again, Changbin wasn’t really buying Jisung’s excuses. He knew Jisung was hiding something from him, but he didn’t really want to dig for it; he wanted Jisung to tell him himself since he wasn’t the type to butt his nose into other people’s business.

To no surprise, they arrived at the company five minutes late, so quickly the two boys waved to each other and they parted ways, Changbin rushing to the recording room while Jisung made his way to the dance studio.

“Hey, Binnie,” Chan greeted as Changbin walked through the door.

“Hey,” he replied dryly and took a seat next to Chan at the soundboard, “Sorry I’m late, Jisung wouldn’t wake up this morning.”

“No worries, it’s all good. We still got a lot of time,” Chan shrugged it off as he flipped through the lyrics papers of the song Changbin was recording today, “Warm up your voice, Bin. We’ll start recording in ten minutes.”

* * *

“It’s sounding good, Changbin,” Chan praised as he finished listening to the final recording for the day, “There’s a few rough patches, but for the most part it’s pretty good.”

“Thanks, I’ve been practicing…” he muttered quietly, trying not to engage with him too much.

“Definitely sounds like it, keep up the good work!” Chan smiled, throwing him a thumbs up.

As much as he tried to hide it, Changbin couldn’t fight the little smile that crept onto his face. Most of the time, he would avoid being influenced by anything Chan said to him, not wanting to take any of their conversations to heart, but every now and then, Chan would be extra nice with the compliments and praise. Those were the times that he’d find it extremely difficult for him to just ignore; so before he could dwell on his feelings any longer, he decided to take his leave, quickly snatching his phone out of his pocket as he bid Chan farewell and headed towards the door.

“Changbin, wait!” Chan blurted as he jumped up from his seat and chased after him.

“Yes?”

“You uh… this fell out of your pocket…” Chan spoke awkwardly as he held out a braided bracelet that he’d retrieved from the floor when Changbin took out his phone. Tension suddenly filled the air as Changbin quickly recognized the item and snatched it from Chan’s hand, a slight blush forming on his cheeks as his eyes darted to the ground.

“You don’t wear it anymore, huh?” Chan spoke in an almost sad tone, mutually breaking his gaze at Changbin.

“Neither do you,” Changbin mumbled under his breath before turning and finally storming away from Chan.

He still carries it though… Chan thought to himself as he stepped back into the recording studio to close up.

“Hello?” Changbin spoke through the phone, clearing his throat as he walked down the long hall to the practice room to meet Jisung, “I just finished, I’m on my way.”

“Okay, I’m almost done too. See you soon.”

After hanging up, he let out the cough that he’d been holding back while on the phone, his eyes widening as he was met with an unwanted acquaintance that he was luckily able to avoid for quite some time now. In his hand, rested a couple of flower petals… petunia petals, yellow in color.

[Stage 3, Yellow: Anger ~ petunia // symbol of anger and resentment]

It’d been at least a month since his last flare, and he really thought maybe this time, he’d gotten over it… but no, of course he hadn’t. Any time he had a close interaction with Chan, typically unintentional, it would always come back. He could feel his chest starting to ache the more he thought about it, his symptoms always seeming to worsen when he got into his head about the situation. Tossing the petals into a nearby trash can, he took a seat on one of the benches in the hall and took deep breaths to clear his mind.

It would be bad if he vomited a shit ton of petals right outside of the practice room, considering he never told Jisung about his condition and he had absolutely no intention of doing so. He decided after a few minutes of breathing that he’d better just go back home and apologize to Jisung later. Although the breathing exercises helped him relax and slow his heart rate, he wasn’t able to shake the uneasiness he was feeling in his lungs; he felt it was too risky to be with Jisung in such a state considering they'd be walking home together. Even though they were best friends, the burden he carried still felt like a fresh wound and he just wasn’t ready to open up about it to anyone yet; he couldn’t handle the pain that came with thinking about it.

Once he got home, he locked himself in the bathroom and let himself sink into his thoughts again, the pain in his chest and lungs quickly returning and worsening. In front of people, Changbin always hid behind a mask, bottling his feelings and putting on a happy face… he didn’t want anyone to know he was suffering, but behind closed doors, he was anything but happy, fighting depression that sparked from his unrequited love and the dumb disease that came with it. He always asked himself what was even the point of feelings or love? It’s never like the movies where two people just happen to fall in love and it works out perfectly… So why was he even trying?

Changbin’s eyes stung as he continued to dwell in his thoughts and that’s when the pain he felt earlier suddenly intensified. Hunching over the toilet bowl, flowers petals agonizingly spewed from his lungs, the same yellow petunia petals from earlier that day now floating delicately on the clear water. He could also make out a few petals that were different; they were white but brushed with green, the next color of the rainbow and likely, the next stage of his disease.

[Stage 4, Green: Depression & Reflection ~ lily // symbol of sadness]

His body felt heavy at the thought of a new flower blooming in his respiratory system but he could only laugh at himself in response, out of sheer pity. How pathetic was he? Getting so sick over some guy that couldn’t care less about him? Romantically anyways… He was beyond halfway through the stages now and if he couldn’t accept it or have his love returned, he would die. It was true, a part of him did want to die because he thought it wasn’t worth it anymore if he had to continue living this way. Being locked in the bathroom, he knew he was only a few steps away from the medicine cabinet if he was really desperate… or he could wait for the slower, more excruciating route, letting the flowers grow and accumulate in his body until their roots were embedded into his lungs, asphyxiating him to the end of his long, dreadful suffering… but for reasons he couldn’t understand, another part of him held on to a small sliver of hope, which is what kept him going all this time. He couldn’t understand why he was still giving himself false hope and how he was even gullible enough to keep himself convinced. Not only was he pathetic, but he was also an idiot, hoping for a fairytale ending that he knew would never happen.

“Changbin…” Jisung addressed with concern in his voice as he knocked on the bathroom door, “You okay in there?”

“Yeah,” Changbin replied, forcing himself to get his shit together as he flushed the toilet and hurried to the sink to wash up, “Just food poisoning I think. Probably the take out I had last night.” He feigned a smile as he opened the door and came face to face with Jisung, who looked extremely worried despite Changbin’s attempt to assure him he was fine.

“Do you need me to take you to the doctor?” Jisung asked, noticing how pale and drained Changbin looked.

“I told you it’s just food poisoning. Don’t worry about it.”

~

“Some Christmas party, huh?” Chan chuckled as he looked over at Changbin, the two sitting on the balcony of the guest bedroom which Chan had led them to to escape the noise of the party downstairs.

“Yeah, it was pretty crazy down there,” Changbin smiled, staring up at the stars rather than at Chan, “How’d you know about this room?”

“JYP let me sleep here a few times when he had to drive me to important events early in the morning.”

“Ah, I see… that’s convenient”

“Yeah…”

Silence soon fell upon the two boys, however, it wasn’t awkward; it was simply quiet… though, the lack of noise had Changbin worried that maybe Chan could hear his heart pounding against his chest.

Nervously clearing his throat, Changbin pulled a tiny drawstring bag out of his pocket and held it out to Chan, “Merry Christmas, hyung… it’s not much, but I hope you like it.”

“Changbin,” he whined, grudgingly taking the bag from him, “You didn’t have to.”

“I know… but I wanted to. I mean, like I said earlier, it’s not much anyways.”

Opening the little baggy, Chan pulled out a black, braided bracelet, very simple in design and it looked like it was handmade.

“Did you make this?” Chan smiled as he slipped it onto his wrist.

“Mhm…” Changbin replied, holding out his own wrist and pulling up his sleeve, “I made one for myself too. We’re matching.”

“I love it,” Chan chuckled, slyly taking the opportunity to take Changbin’s hand into his own and hold it in his lap.

Changbin shied away in response, trying to hide the blush that crept on his cheeks as a result of Chan’s intimate gesture. Chan couldn’t help but find Changbin’s response cute, a little laugh slipping from him as he adoringly stared at the clearly embarrassed boy next to him.

Butterflies filled Chan’s stomach as he debated whether or not he should make a move, but seeing how vulnerable Changbin looked, all shy and flustered, he just couldn’t help himself. Sliding a hand up to Changbin’s cheek, he turned his head to face him and connected their lips before Changbin could even process what was happening.

Changbin was definitely startled by Chan’s bold move, but he didn’t have to think twice about kissing him back. Wrapping his arms around Chan’s waist, he pulled him closer, deepening the chaste kiss with their lips moving together in perfect harmony. Their pure moment however, was soon cut short when Chan invited his tongue into Changbin’s mouth, immediately eliciting a moan from him as he swirled his slick muscle around in his wet cavern.

Changbin’s stomach tingled thinking about the situation he was in, finally able to somewhat process what was going on; he was really sitting on a balcony, making out with his crush of a few months and possibly… could be doing more with him. It was already hard enough to believe Chan liked him back, but the fact that he made the first move and things were escalating so quickly made it even crazier.

Before he knew it, Chan was on top of him, lips now pressed against his neck, peppering it with soft, wet kisses.

“Chan,” he moaned, fisting the back of Chan’s shirt as he continued to kiss down the full length of his neck.

“So hot when you say my name like that,” Chan mumbled against his skin as he moved back up to nip at Changbin’s ear, his hand slowly sliding down his body until it landed on the stiff bulge in his pants.

“Yah...” Changbin blurted, his cheeks flushing a bright red as he grabbed Chan by the wrist to stop him, “W-what are you doing?”

“Oh shit… I- I’m sorry,” Chan apologized awkwardly, worry apparent in his voice as he sat back up and regained his composure, “I got carried away.”

“N-no, I… liked it…” Changbin mumbled under his breath, “It’s just… don’t you think it’d be better to continue this inside? Y’know, on the bed… maybe…?”

Glancing back at Changbin, Chan smirked, coming to the conclusion that they must’ve had the same thing in mind all along and that Changbin was just being shy. “Yeah, good idea,” Chan smiled, standing up before offering a hand to Changbin, “Don’t know why I didn’t think of it.”

They’d barely just stepped foot back into the bedroom when Chan pushed Changbin onto the bed, his lips crashing down into Changbin’s for a messy kiss. Without pulling away, Chan quickly unbuttoned his shirt and flung it aside before his hands found their way back to Changbin’s body. It didn’t take long for his touch to wander back down to the stiffness in Changbin’s pants, gently palming it to elicit the sweet moans he’d been dying to hear more of earlier.

“Feel good?” Chan smirked, finally breaking away from their heated make out session.

“So good,” Changbin exhaled as his head rolled back against the soft pillow.

“Mind if I go under?”

Chills ran down Changbin’s spine at those words, his strained member twitching at the feeling of Chan’s hands fiddling with his belt buckle.

“Please…” Changbin begged, a bit whinier than he intended, but at that point he didn’t care; he just desperately craved Chan’s touch.

“Well,” Chan chuckled almost devilishly, “Don’t mind if I do.”

Without any hesitation, Changbin’s belt was undone along with his pants and once Chan had enough access, he slid the waistband of his briefs down just enough to free his throbbing hard-on. Changbin could almost see the lust glowing in Chan’s eyes as he wrapped his fingers around him and slowly began to pump him.

The amount of pre-cum Changbin wept was almost embarrassing as it revealed just how desperate and horny he was, but Chan didn’t fail to take advantage of it, circling his thumb over Changbin’s slick head before spreading the substance down the length of his shaft.

“Have you gotten head before?” Chan smirked as his hands reverted back to a slow stroking motion, the newly added lubricant allowing his palm to glide more smoothly along Changbin’s length.

“N-no…” his voice hitched in his throat, his brain struggling to form words as Chan continued to pleasure him, “H-have you?”

“No,” Chan chuckled, “But I’ve been dying to try giving it.”

Changbin instantly knew what Chan was thinking, his cock twitching involuntarily at the thought of being sucked off by his long time crush. Of course, it didn’t go unnoticed by Chan, the smirk plastered on his face somehow radiating a new, more sinful aura compared to before as he shifted himself towards the lower half of the bed.

“I take it that means you want to be my lab rat, huh?”

Changbin was now at a complete loss for words, too overwhelmed to really process anything at that point, though he'd be lying if he denied Chan’s comment. Positioning himself between Changbin’s legs, Chan looked up at him for some kind of confirmation before proceeding, “I’m not gonna do it unless you say yes.”

Gulping nervously, Changbin stared blankly at Chan for a second before finally parting his lips to speak, “I-I… want it.”

“It’d be my pleasure,” Chan smiled, wasting no time before pressing his tongue to Changbin’s base and licking all the way up to the tip. After swirling around his head a few times, Chan finally sealed his lips around Changbin’s girth, taking in as much of his length as his throat would allow.

“Oh my god,” Changbin muttered under his breath, the unfamiliar sensation presenting a new level of pleasure that he could’ve never achieved through his own means; Chan had only just started, but he already felt like his end was near. Changbin’s hands quickly found their way into Chan’s damp curls, trying not to pull too hard as he fought against his orgasnm that threatened to burst at any moment now. “Chan…” Changbin barely managed to say between choppy breaths and throaty moans, “I-I… I’m so c-close…”

Chan hollowed his cheeks as he pulled off, his actions accompanied by a loud ‘pop’ while his hand temporarily took the place of his mouth to stimulate Changbin, “Cum then. Don’t be shy.”

With that, he took Changbin back into his mouth, his tongue pressed up against the underside of his cock as he bobbed his head, urging Changbin to release. Not even a minute passed before he had Changbin trembling beneath him, face scrunched as his climax drew dangerously close.

“Chan I ah-” Chanbin started, but before he could finish, he was interrupted by an explosion of pure bliss radiating through his body, his head thrown back as his essence seeped down the back of Chan’s throat. Chan licked his lips as he swallowed every last drop, a look of satisfaction etched onto his face as he got up and straddled Changbin.

“That was fun… but I hope the night isn’t over yet,” Chan spoke as he undid his own pants, unwrapping and rolling a condom over himself before hooking his fingers into Changbin’s pants to pull them down, “Shall we go further?”

~

Changbin sighed as he stared up at the ceiling, struggling to fight back tears that were induced by the painful memory of Chan that he’d been holding onto for the past few months. That night at the party, he never thought that doing it with Chan… that losing his virginity to him, would end up being just a worthless one night stand; had he known, he definitely wouldn’t have agreed to it. His feelings for Chan were just too strong to be okay with sharing an extremely intimate moment with him knowing it was just for a night; he wanted to spend an eternity with him.

He could feel his lungs tightening again the more he thought about his unrequited feelings for Chan and how he’d been used and simply tossed aside… how even despite that, he still gets butterflies in his stomach when Chan gives him even the tiniest, most meaningless compliments… the fact that he still liked someone who’d been putting him through constant emotional pain for months and he probably didn’t even have the slightest clue...

Shooting up from his bed, he darted to the nearest trash can and fell to his knees as he hurled up yet another bundle of yellow and green flower petals, clutching his sides in pain as he groaned between labored breaths. With his head still hung over the bin, the petals scattered among his mounds of trash starred back up at him, mocking him about his dumb, one-sided love.

“Fuck…” he muttered under his breath, cupping his face in his hands as finally he let out all the tears he’d been holding back the entire day. Why him?

|| Ch 1 || Ch 2 || Ch 3 || Ch 4 || Ch 5 || Ch 6 ||

[purplesurveys]

1104

survey by kaybee-x18

What was the highlight of your day? I mean, Flowers for Vases came out earlier on Spotify Philippines and I had no idea, and I waited all morning thinking the release would be in sync with US timezones so I was in for a nice surprise of a whole goddamn tracklist when I casually checked my Spotify at around 11 this morning haha. The album is beautiful and I’m so excited to take it with me on my journey to healing.

Also got paid today, so that’s shweeeeet. As a reward to myself (since I’m doing a bit of OT tonight) I also recently ordered banh mi and Vietnamese iced coffee for delivery and it’s currently on its way to me :) All in all, pretty solid day!

Do you know anyone who is anorexic? Not that I am aware of, but it’s possible that I do.

Are you dating the person you texted last? No. That would be the delivery rider who’s bringing my sandwich to me, and that is just creepy to think about.

Who has hurt you the most this year? I don’t let Gabie hurt me anymore, directly or indirectly. Everybody else has been gentle with me so far in 2021, which I appreciate.

What's the last insult someone said to you? Ugh it’ll stress me out to think about it again, but last week my mom was asking for some money and I advised her that I might not be able to just for the meantime; she immediately got all condescending, asking me how much I make in a month and what I spend it on. I thought it very rude and tactless, and it ruined the rest of my evening. I know she knows she has a tendency to be tactless, so I don’t know why she never does anything to change that behavior.

Trigger warning on a few questions belowwwww.

Was it a boy or a girl to text you last? It was a boy. Man is more proper actually, but whatever.

Do you wish you were somewhere else right now? Dude, it’s a Friday night and I’m on the rooftop on a chilly night, I’ve laid out a mat with some pillows and a blanket and I’m surrounded by my banh mi and iced coffee while Hayley’s new songs are playing faintly in the background. I’m right where I want to be.

Have you ever given up on someone for good? Yes, and I had no idea how incredibly liberating it would feel :)

Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night? I think it was my mom, since she briefly knocked on my door to say goodnight shortly before I passed out.

How much did your car cost? I’m not sure exactly how much, but it’s definitely in the six-figure range. It’s a hatchback and secondhand so there’s no way it’d be worth a million bucks.

Will you have a boyfriend/girlfriend in 6 months? No; I’ve ended up really liking being by myself. It’ll be a while before I open myself up to love again, if I ever do.

Who was the last person whose phone number you added to your contacts? One of our brand clients recently recruited a new guy to be a part of their team, so as we got acquainted I also got access to his contact details.

When was the last time you hugged someone? It was when Andi was leaving my car as we parted ways a few weeks ago.

What is the last picture you received on your phone of? Pretty sure it was work-related since my teammates share photos through Viber all the time. I can’t be bothered to check, though.

Are you better at remembering names or faces? Can easily spot familiar faces from a mile away, but I’m quite terrible at remembering names.

Have you ever tried your hardest and then gotten disappointed in the end? See: the entirety of my relationship that ultimately failed. I cherished and took care of that relationship as much as I could, but the effort I got was never the same and I ended up being hurt, too. It’s going to take a while before I gain my trust and confidence back when it comes to these things.

Have you ever let someone go because you thought they deserved better? This was Gab’s perspective and reasoning, not mine. I’m starting to believe it’s all bullshit though; that it’s an excuse she used so that I could feel better about myself. At this pont in time, I’m pretty sure she just wanted to be free from this “burden” of a relationship that she increasingly found “exhausting.”

Who did you last share a taxi with? God I have not been in one of those in a long time. My last ride in an actual taxi was with my family; but in the last ride-hailing service I took (like Uber), I was by myself since I was headed to school that day.

Is there anybody you're really disappointed in right now? No, no reason to feel that way towards anyone at the moment.

What do you hear right now? I can hear the faint engine of a motorcycle. I can also hear a couple of dogs barking.

Do you remember the first time you met the last person you kissed? Yes.

Do you like polka-dotted things? Not always, but sure. Sometimes the look can be tacky, but there are times that it looks cute.

Do you do anything to help the environment? In my own little ways, like dividing all my notebook pages into two columns to save up on paper; reusing paper and plastic bags, turn off my car engine when I have to idle somewhere, etc.

What do you think of people who complain about Valentine's Day? I don’t care lmao, it’s not my problem.

Have you ever had to get stitches? No.

When's the last time you did something you knew was wrong? Trigger warning: Self-harm. Last week when I grabbed a key in my room and did stuff to my wrist with it. A few months’ progress down the drain.

What was the last thing you wore that was black? The shirt I am currently wearing is black.

Is your tongue pierced? Nope.

Do you think that you have a pretty smile? Yes, I like the way I smile.

What month were you born in? April.

When's the last time you cried over a guy? Wow lmao, literally no idea. The only instance coming to mind is whenever I miss either my grandpa or Nacho, but I can’t pinpoint the last time I found myself in tears over either.

Are you keeping a secret that would shock people if they found out? I think so.

What pissed you off yesterday? The internet has been going on and off for the last few days.

The person you like at the moment finds someone new, what is your reaction? I don’t know if I like anyone at the moment, at least not anymore. But I think I would still get affected if the word ever gets to me that my ex is seeing someone new, should it happen in the near future. That’s why I’m one step ahead and just stopped talking to her and have muted her on all social media.

Are you scared to lose the person you fell the hardest for? I already did. I was definitely scared and devastated at first, and I was for a while. Once I came to terms with the fact that nothing was my fault and that it isn’t my loss, it became much easier to get over it.

Has anyone seen you in your underwear this month? Nah.

Is your life falling apart or coming together? Coming together.

Is there someone you wouldn't mind kissing right now? When it comes down to it, and considering my stupidity when it comes to love, yes.

Do you know anyone in the army? Yes but just vaguely. Angela’s uncle is a high-ranking...army person. Army official?? Idk how to refer to them but yeah he’s like a general or colonel or something like that.

Do you have any friends that actually model? I wouldn’t count any of them as friends but yeah, I went to high school and/or college with people who have since become influencers and have endorsement deals and stuff. Cheenie is probably the most notable one.

If you could go back in time and change something, would you? Probably.

Do you care about the last person you kissed? Again, when it comes down to it, yes.

Do they care about you? I have no idea but I don’t dwell on it anymore.

Are you for or against gay marriage? Of course I’m for.

Ever kissed someone whose name started with A, B, C, & D? No to all of these.

Is there someone you wish you were with right now? Mmm I don’t think so. I like spending this evening by myself.

Do you still talk to the person you liked 3 months ago? Nope. I don’t have a reason to.

When do you want to get married? I’d love to get married in my late 20s, but I don’t know if that’s still a possibility.

Do you know anyone who’s committed suicide? Yes.

Have you ever imagined how it would feel kissing a certain someone? I think about this with certain people sometimes, but most of the time they are annoying, unwelcome, invasive thoughts that I try to shake off immediately.

Would you fall apart if that last person you kissed died? What’s with some of these questions lmao??? Yeah absolutely. 

Is there anyone who doesn't like you? If there is, I don’t know anything about it and I doubt that I would care,

When was the last time you wanted to punch someone in their face? Yesterday when a client was being extra annoying.

What was the last thing you cried about? I stumbled upon an emotional scene from Grey’s Anatomy on Facebook this morning, and I let myself go while watching it haha. It was a great snippet.

Do you have nice eyes? I’m not particularly known for my eyes, like they’re nothing special. I’ve got nothing to complain about them, though.

What are the bad things you've heard people say about you? I’m not sure if I’ve caught anything bad. If I did it most definitely would have stuck and continued to stick with me.

Is there anyone that is jealous of you or anything that you have? Not that I know of.

How many true friends do you have? Right now, I would say two very close friends.

Does anyone disgust you? Sure.

Do you flirt a lot? Never.

Have you ever caught a friend cheating on their bf/gf? I have not, and I’m glad none of them have.

What phrase or saying do you use the most? I’ve said this on a recent survey but I say “Awesome!” a lot, but it’s a habit I picked up from my now-ex.

What mood are you in right now? I’mmmmmmm getting a little sleepy tbh, but I’m trying to keep myself up for a few more hours because it’s a Friday evening.

Have you ever kissed someone that was high? No.

Are you waiting for anything? Not really.

Do you have a good relationship with your mother? It’s civil at best. We don’t get at each other’s throats as often as we used to anymore but I don’t feel the need to improve our relationship, and I’d rather still keep a safe distance from her.

Do you think Jersey people are annoying? I don’t know any of them because I live on the other side of the world, so...

How many exes do you have? One.

Did anyone break up with you in the last 5 days? No. Last five months, sure.

Who was the last person that broke your heart? Cheesy phrase, but Gabie.

Do you love anyone? I love a lot of people.

Do you want to be single or with someone? Not looking for anything at this point in time. I mean I’d really rather be in a relationship when it comes down to it, but I wouldn’t force myself in one for the sake of being in one. If no one fits the mold, then I’d be just as happy being single, and this happens to be where I am right now. I’m okay with that.

What song are you listening to right now? No music.

Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? Because she was leaving and I wanted to say goodbye.

Does your mom think you’re a virgin? Yes.

Is there someone that wants you to give them a second chance? I think my brother, but my mind is set on never saying a word to him again.

Do you hate the last guy you had a conversation with? I don’t hate him; he’s just a particularly difficult client to deal with.

Would you rather get high or have sex right now? Getting high would be a brand new experience, so let’s go with that haha.

Do you know anyone with a star tattoo right by their hip bone? No, I don’t.

Did anyone give you anything last Valentine's Day? Last year, yes. This year, no.

Do you keep condoms in your room? No, I don’t need to.

What do you think about people who party a lot? Like, in 2021?? I would think they are highly insensitive and irresponsible and putting so many of their loved ones at risk. 

Have you ever been caught sneaking out of your house? Nopes.

How much time do you spend on AIM a day? I don’t.

Is there a secret you've never told your parents? I hold way more secrets than actual things they know about me.

Ever kissed someone over 30? No.

What size bra do you wear? Baby bra size, whatever the measurement for that is HAHA

Does the person you last kissed still like you? Lmfao no. She hasn’t for a while now.

Are your parents still together? Yes.

Was your first time good or bad? Good.

[miss-mishka]

The Old Guard (Image, 2017) vs Youth (comiXology, 2020): A Completely Biased Comparison

I don’t really know what this is, kind of a crack review, because I had more to say about these two recent reads than I could fit in my Goodreads reviews. So it will be a long read if you opt to proceed. Be warned: ADULT LANGUAGE BEYOND THE CUT, I make no promises that my words will be coherent throughout & sarcasm will abound as I discuss two mini/limited issue comic series’ that I’ve recently bought into.

They are: 

1)The Old Guard, 2017 Image Comics 5 issue miniseries release, written by Greg Rucka, illustrated by Leandro Fernandez

Main cast, above, left to right: Sebastien le Livre aka Booker; Nile Freeman (no alias, currently); Andromache the Scythian aka Andy; Nicolo di Genova aka Nicky; Yusuf al-Kaysani aka Joe. Noriko is also a related, but not pictured, character.

2) Youth, 2020 comiXology Original 4 issue miniseries, written by Curt Pires, art by Alex Diotto

Main cast, above, from left to right: River, Jan, Kurt, Frank. Trixy is also a main character, but not featured on this group cover. (That wasn’t deliberate on my part.  Since it’s a new series, I wanted a cover shot to help you if you want to shop for the series & this was the only one with most of the group clearly visible.)

So now let’s get to some plot.

The Old Guard is a group of warriors that are much harder to keep dead that your average person.  Their ages range from Andy, estimated over 6,000 years old, to Nile, 27 per issue #4. The hows & whys of their ability to recover from injuries up to & including death, are completely unknown, but the ability can end with the same lack of understanding as it began. Andy has found 6 others like her in her time on Earth. 1 has died.

Youth is the teenaged couple Frank & River running away from their home town, meeting up with the older teenaged, possibly early 20s,trio that comprises rest of their group. While fleeing cops, drunk & high after a party, the group’s van is struck by what appears to be a meteor. It does, but doesn’t kill them. They each get a special power from it & all can suddenly fly.

Their enemy/obstacle/villain:

For The Old Guard, it’s big pharma bro Steve Merrick; his security chief, former CIA agent & the one who led Merrick to Andy’s team, James Copley; and the ‘mad’ scientist Dr. Ivan.

For Youth, this is it.  Bootleg Nick Fury and the government resources at his disposal.  (Take note, this is the one clear win that Youth has over ToG.  I love & want more Don.)

Relationships:

Joe & Nicky

Andy & Noriko

Frank & River

Frank & Trixy (just hooking up to help ruin the actual relationship above)

While both comics have their group dynamics, they also have a clear gay couple at the center of their storylines.  For The Old Guard, it’s Joe & Nicky.  For Youth, it’s Frank & River.  But Frank seems to be questioning, as he’s drawn to his new female acquaintance, Trixy. Kurt & Jan also seem attracted to Trixy, but the relationships between those three are not explored in these issues.  River is most definitely immune to Trixy. So, Frank & River fall into the dysfunctional relationship category while Joe & Nicky, together over 900 years, are #RelationshipGoals.

So what’s the 411?:

For The Old Guard, Andy, Booker, Joe & Nicky sign on for a job from Copley to rescue some kidnapped schoolkids. Izza traaaaaaaaaaap! While the team decides to go on the offensive & track Copley down after he’s learnt their secret, Nile is killed in action only to find that she’s one of the ones that don’t stay dead easily. Andy goes to retrieve the new ‘recruit,’ the first since Booker in 1812, while the guys go to a safehouse to search for Copley.  When Andy & Nile finally arrive at that location, they find Booker recovering from severe injuries while Joe & Nicky have been taken. It becomes a rescue mission for their captured brothers in addition to the seek & destroy goals for Copley.  Along the way, Booker & Nile bond.  Andy’s a tougher nut to crack. While Booker tries to locate their targets, Joe & Nicky are being tortured by the mad Doctor “for science” in hopes of discovering a profitable immortality drug for Merrick’s biz. Booker conveniently finds the whole Merrick operation taking place in Dubai, so off they go for their rescue mission & revenge.  But...well, IZ ZA TRAP! Booker’s done with this undying thing & has sold the team out to see if Dr. Ivan can cure him of life while using the others to defeat death.  Andy & Nile, though, aren’t helpless lil ladies.  Neither are Joe & Nicky.  With rescue under way, Joe & Nicky convince the doctor to let them go, then kill him, then find the others, meet Nile for the first time, kill Merrick as one happy new family, take off for Malta(yeah, in the comics, they’re THERE again), vote Booker off their island for 100 years & then leave him alone to be found by one very salty Noriko - she’s well-brined after 500 years in the ocean & batshit insane, to boot. That’s the first of three arcs planned for this group.  About 160 pages over the 5 issues & not a panel wasted, in my opinion.

For Youth, River’s got a lousy step-dad, Frank has a lousy job; together they hate their town & lives, but maybe kind of love each other.  So River says let’s steal my stepdad’s cherished old Mustang & run off for California.  The car gets a flat, but there’s no spare to replace it & they ran away with no money because they’re teenagers.  While broken down in a Walmart parking lot, the car draws the attention of Kurt, who grew up learning some mechanical stuff, appreciating the classics & is willing to offer help. Upon hearing that it’s a flat tire & the couple has no means to replace it, the decision is made to torch the car (it’s a Mustang, HOW DARE YOU?!) & get into the van with Kurt & his two female travelling companions. The five barely exchange names before they’re off to a party where alcohol & drugs mix to make Frank & Trixy horny for one another. River sees them making out & starts to leave when the cops show up to raid the party with all it’s underage & illegal happenings.  River, such a sweetheart, is ready to leave Frank & Trixy to be arrested, but Kurt makes sure they all get away together in the van.  A high (emphasis on high cause Kurt did some cocaine at the party) speed chase ensues with just a little awkwardness among the group as they realize that Frank & River were together & Trixy only kind of cares that she was pulled into their mess. Before there can be arguments, hairpulling slapfights or other drama over the man, the speeding vehicle is demolished by a meteor slamming to Earth.  Except it may have been aliens? In issue #2 we see this:

After this faceoff, these celestial beings go at it, destroy what appears to be their home planet & create the space debris that hits the van & gives the youths powers.  It totally killed Jan for a little bit, but that’s ok because Jan has the best powers.  She came back from death & can track other powered people without Prof X’s massive Cerebro setup, which is handy when you’ve got Bootleg Nick Fury tracking you down because of the ‘anomaly’ that hit you. Trixy?  She’s got a temper.  When Don Thunder descends upon them with a small army of soldiers, Trixy turns them into twisted piles of gore and metal.  I’m not sure what she did, but it was messy.  I imagine in a movie the squish, crack, snap, pop, burst & splat sound effects would reign in that moment.  With that dealt with, the group makes plans for what they should do next.  Which is apparently, rob an armored truck (can anyone guess whose idea it was?) because they have no money for food or lodging.  The heist does not go to plan because the guard driving the armored truck is distracted so he doesn’t see River standing in the road trying to stop the vehicle until the newly powered kid STOPS the vehicle.  I’m pretty sure the guards, especially the driver whom they made sure we knew had a pregnant wife, are dead.  Frank’s upset about this, blames River, who honestly could have flown off as soon as he realized that the truck wasn’t stopping as planned & the now very strong River smacks Frank into a wall.  This pairing is not destined for 900 years together, I imagine Yusuf would continuously chop off his hand rather than strike Nicolo in a non-fun & consensual way.  But the Youth gang still grabs some money bags and flies off.  While multiple people capture it on their cell phones.  Modern technology is an enemy to both the Youth & Old Guard. The kids take their money & go party.  Alcohol & drugs again.  Frank & Trixy making out again.  This time when River sees his man with the girl, he declares the relationship over & storms out of the club.  Killing a few people & knocking a sizable hole in the building to fly off while Frank freaks out & Trixy realizes this guy might be too much drama for her edgy self. We’re at the end of issue #3 which closes with this gem:

The more you know, right? Issue #4 has Don recovering from his injuries after Trixy’s finishing move failed to eliminate him (Dictionary: fore*shad*ow, verb: be a warning or indication of (a future event)).  He sees video of the armored truck robbery on the news (O! these pesky kids with their cell phone cameras & viral videos) & he’s back on the hunt for the gang.  River’s gone back home to the place he always went to to be alone when his stepdad was too much to deal with at home.  Frank finds him there, because he had been shown that spot.  It was their spot. It’s a sweet reunion where Frank still loves River despite the carnage so long as River still loves Frank with the cheating.  A win-win lost-lost. And our Bootleg Nick Fury has his remaining eye on the lovebirds & is ready to attack!  Jan, Kurt & Trixy see breaking news of the fight Frank & River put up against the government goons & Trixy is outvoted by the other two that they’ll go help their acquaintances of like 48 hours.  The time they take deciding & getting there, though, puts them unfashionably late.  Frank is seriously injured causing River to go Dark Phoenix so that the others can get Frank to safety.  It fades to black, skips forward 3 months & implies that Frank’s going it alone in California where he was meant to be with River, but River is gone. (So obviously not dead, but captured by Thunder who clearly has his own powers because River’s Phoenix fire definitely didn’t kill this Superspy.)  But Trixy’s all consoling and explains how Jan is locating other kids with powers - posthumans, they’re called -  all around the world & they’ve decided to start searching for them to create a bigger group.  Frank says it’s like the X-Men, but Jan isn’t quite Xavier level leader, so I say more New Mutants. Frank declines to be part of it. Trixy leaves him on a nice, sunny beach & goes to find Jan who portals them here, the most obviously “Not X like” structure in the world for their not a Bootleg X-Men/New Mutants series to take place in in the future: 

(JFC, the colors alone are classic Wolverine! Originality. Did you maybe want to try that with this series?)

For the end of “Season 1″ of Youth, which implies there will be more.  The single issues of the 4 part mini account for 125 pages & I consider several of those pages wasted. 

Final Verdict:

With powerhouse publishers like DC & Marvel having decades worth of this content, Youth was entering a very crowded arena.  The only thing it focused on as a lure to draw attention from the big leagues was the relationship between Frank & River, but representation has come a long way & Youth needed more. More story development, more group dynamics, more SOMETHING. Because I read the series in a world where I now know that The Old Guard exists & what Greg Rucka did with that series in simple & overt representation is a master class that Curt Pires needs to attend before any 2nd season talk for Youth. The world, my world, is ready for immortal gays. We’ve seen it, we need more.  If River’s still alive, as I suspect, then there’s potential, but it shouldn’t magically erase all the issues that Frank & River had as a couple.  They are not anywhere near the level of Joe & Nicky.  And if/when Youth returns it needs to focus on the characters that we’re supposed to engage with & keep the focus on ALL OF THEM.  Comics take art, with or without words, to tell some incredibly entertaining & complex stories. Don’t waste the space on blackness & block quotes, no matter what Marlon Brando is doing with mailboxes. Create the visuals & worlds in your head & tell the story with your heart so it comes to life for all of us.  That’s what Rucka did with The Old Guard & I want to see more writers, artists & publishers striving to attain that level for us.  I’m spoiled to it now & you can expect this kind of insanity from me if you fail to reach for this bar.

If you cannot tell by the end of all this, I am completely biased in favor of The Old Guard & if you can afford it, but haven’t done so yet, BUY THE BOOKS! Youth gets points for effort & dragged for everything else.

[youghvaudough]

Rewatched Hannibal Recently...

... here are some random thoughts brain chips on the third season

watch out for a text wall it's a doozy down under

this rewatching I finally realized the first half of this season Hannibal was basically like “I’m touring Europe with Bedelia one last time before I check myself into jail so I can see my bf often”

Will must’ve been real good at arts and crafts. He made a whole ass butterfly?bee?dragonfly?firefly man display out of shattered wine bottles and garbage from a basement basically

Also how did he not cut his hands with the glass???? He had leather gloves sure but it’s not like those are cut resistant?????? Does he have cut-resistant leather gloves???????

In Hannibal Rising Chiyoh is Hanni’s aunt’s lady-in-waiting (?) and was described as being about his age; if we’re going by that, she’s the same age as him in the show, which, ughhhhhh, let’s just say really really plays into the idea of us Asians not raisining (not mad at all; Tao Okamoto is so beautiful im gay as HELL —)

Bedelia: you’re in love with Will Graham and also leave me alone plz can I stop finishing murders on your behalf now

Hannibal was remarkably off his killing game at the end of the second season (or just really on his planning game) like NO ONE except for poor Abigail is dead by the 3rd season

Thinking about the filming of some scenes is so funny like: 

the crew carrying leather arm chairs and fancy glass side tables into the middle of some woods for a single shot

Bryan Fuller being like “ughhhh can I get a membrane-like sheet over this macro lens so I can film it bring sliced open like its will’s stomach skin” 

“also I need three thousand gallons of fake blood for some cool reverse drip shots”

everyone: Will help us catch Hannibal you must hate him so much right???? Will: busy imagining alternate reality where he and Hannibal actually worked it out at the end of the 2nd season

Will: tries his damndest to ignore everyone telling him he and Hannibal are in love while being very much smitten

Mason: talks religious mumbo jumbo  Alana after her bi awakening: *choke stare

the only saving grace for Jack Crawford is how much he’s the “I love my wife” trope

Frederic: ...why does no one wanna help me with Hannibal hunting when I go a-knocking but when Will does it everyone’s with him????????? What’d I do

No one:     Bryan Fuller: I NEED SOME SNAIL FUCKING SHOTS HERE

Bedelia: i feel like I’m your diet Will Graham Hannibal: what? no *continues to talk about how special Will Graham is and how no one will be his equal basically

WOAH question on Chiyoh so did Hannibal ~literally~ taxidermy her in time with some cannibal magic & that’s why she looks about, I don’t know, in her twenties still ?????? /s

Bryan Fuller: NOW I NEED TO OPEN AN OLD PAYPHONE FOR AN INTERIOR SHOT

Chiyoh: he’s good looking but dumb about Hannibal so 

I’ll kiss him

then push him off the train

(hopefully dude’ll be warned but also finally learn how to gay)

Bryan Fuller: ARE YOU MISSING SOME SLOW MOTION SHOTS OF HUGH DANCY FLIPPING OF THE TRAIN IN YOUR LIFE? ALWAYS

how did Mason and Pazzi achieve high resolution uninterrupted overseas video chat with the front camera of Apple laptops????? the power of wealth????? whenever I call my mom my phone turns into a potato pretty much

the jack v hannibal fight was the ultimate “I luh my dead wife” man v “I just need to stay alive and go meet my boyfriend” man fight

Bedelia: I know what your goodbye is; I know what you wanna do to Will and you’re in love with the dude. No thanks I’ll yeet myself outta here

“waving your uterus around like a weapon” how iconic

Dolce will forever go down in cinematic history there I said it. Nothing tops the mirroring scars, the downright sensual romantic dialogue in front of a fucking Botticelli, this 水乳交融 of two minds (can’t find a good enough translation other than maybe “melding”), one of the weirdest most kaleidoscope-forward lesbian sex scene of all times, a lot of overlapping orgasm faces, reflexive hugs and pats of comfort, weirdly timed lip-lickings, etc etc

At least Mason recognizes how good looking Will’s is lmao even with all the burnt penis talk on the table

“He’s looking very dry a little moisturizer please” Mason your gay is showing

“It’s dangerous getting exactly what you want” yeah we got this season of Hannibal and then no more of it I’d say you’re right on the money Dr. Lecter

Alana and Margot helping Hannibal and Will: LGBT solidarity at its finest

dumbest thing mason did was probably pissing off Margot

So basically Chiyoh is made of a stable metal element between iron and silver that’s why she doesn’t age?????? /s

maybe “I found you in my mind palace” can be our “always”

I remember the first time I watched Digestivo and I was so worried Hannibal’s gonna finish eating Will or take off or continue into the book silence of the lamb arc or something after Will basically went “I won’t go looking for you at all bye bitch where my dogs at” so imagine my fucking delight ecstasy when Hannibal threw himself at the FBI just so Will can always find him. I cried buckets and became a devout Bryan Fuller STAN that day

Chiyoh: fuck this shit im out; don’t wanna protect this idiot boy with luv no mo

Molly: weirdly familiar sharp features, sand-blond hair, husky sultry deeper voice hmmmmmmmmm guess WHAT

...but she actually likes doggos so 

Bryan Fuller: HUGH DANCY. COVERED IN BLOOD. NAKED. UNDER THE MOONLIGHT. NOW

Will gives Bedelia SO MUCH SHIT about using Hannibal as a means to fame that he almost forgets how possessive  protective of Hanni this makes him look

Bedelia: calm yo ass do you know how many “Will is special you’ll never be him” talks I’ve been in with Hannibal as the main lecturer?????

Bedelia: did you go visit him Will: ...yeah Bedelia: whelp fuck my leg is about good as steak any day now

An odd detail I remember about this Will/Bedelia interaction was Bryan Fuller saying in some interview (probably) that this is basically wife confronting mistress; you know who’s which

when Reba was touching the tiger that vet guy must’ve stayed in the room right??? for safety and stuff??? guy must’ve had the weirdest time just seeing Francis freak the fuck out watching Reba

also Reba deserves all the nice things in the world; Francis though an overall shitty person can recognize beauty

...wait i take it back dude said Will was ugly (ok he said “not very handsome” but) like bitch where

for a series with pretty good sfx that teeth scene in 310 was fake as f---

will and bedelia taking shots at each other verbally cracks me tf up like is this the psychology people’s version of “you suck” “uno reverse”

i have to keep reminding myself that this is a crime show that actually aired on national tv bc these dialogues mama??? downright telenovela. Bryan Fuller has a point when he described them as wife and mistress

Bedelia: I would’ve preferred to be bluebeard’s last wife Will: challenge accepted

i cannot stress this enough REBA DESERVES BETTER she seems like the nicest, most well-meaning person ever and deserves to be cherished like so

it's so strange, getting everything that you want; take Will’s slow-burn-esque realization of Hannibal’s twisted affections for example

Bryan Fuller: NOW GIVE ME A CLOSE UP OF ICE SUCKING

So  basically Hannibal’s attitude is “if I can’t be a constant fixture in his life I’ll be on his mind”

Hannibal is always a sucker for some good will ehhhh

Hannibal, in a police vehicle: get in Will we’re going cliff-diving dragon hunting; no but the actual line is just as cheesy geez hanni u smooth man-eater

The Bloom-Vergers look straight out of some gothic family catalog (if those exist)

like i will spare y’all the contrived complements of the Wrath of the Lamb bc like fucking hells mate there's no straight explanation for this finale

that’s it thanks for reading mates hannigram forever also someday some wealthy person will revive this I'm sure and we’ll rejoice then

[valcarolrights]

100 Reasons.

This is my first attempt at a Carol x Fem Reader imagine 😅

"I know she has to go off and save the universe and all, but we're in a relationship for God's sake." You stress, Natasha's green eyes washed over with concern as she studies you intently, making a mental note to remove the alcoholic beverage from your hand. "I respect her job but it doesn't mean I have to be happy about it."

The Black Widow's eyes soften and she uses the gap to remove the glass bottle from your hand and set it down on the floor. "I'm sorry Y/N."

"I get I'm being selfish but am I not allowed to? Just like all those other people have issues, so do I, and I sometimes I just want to lay in her arms and tell her about my day or just sit in silence because I enjoy her presence you know?" you glance over at Natasha, noticing the smirk on her face. "What?" You ask, suddenly self conscious. You weren't one to complain but you'd fallen down the pit and just realized.

"Nothing. That was just really... Gay."

You chuckle and push her head away. "Shut up."

Natasha's giggles cease as she looks you over with concerned eyes. "Hey." she makes eye contact, gaining your full attention. "Talk to Carol about it."

"To do what? We're just going to talk and then she's going to go off and save the universe again."

"Maybe." Natasha shrugs. "But at least she'll know how you feel and be more considerate." the red head shrugged before moving her eyes back to the television set.

-

The following day, you danced on the balls of your feet as you stood a few feet behind Tony Stark. You couldn't lie and say you weren't excited about Carol coming home, but you'd decided that you were going to talk to her about your feelings, and truth be told, you were scared of how the message would be brought across considering your emotional state. You wanted her to know, but you didn't want to add to her load or come across as too aggressive.

"I can feel the excitement from here Y/L/N." Tony speaks up and you breathe out a chuckle.

"It's not everyday the love of my life returns from space." you shrug before looking upwards, awaiting Carol's arrival. Estimated one minute.

She lived at the compound, but spent most of the time at your place. She'd tried landing there once, but due to the excitement from getting to see you, almost destroyed your residence. So she stuck to landing at the compound. But you didn't mind going all the way over there, it was like picking her up from the airport.

"Yeah yeah, sap." Tony brings you closer by your shoulders just as the two of you catch the light entering the atmosphere. It becomes bigger and brighter and before you know it, a glowing Carol lands in a standing position a few feet away from you with a bright smile on her face.

Tony releases you and offers Carol a smile before bringing her in for a small hug. "Welcome home Danvers."

"Yeah yeah don't get all mushy on me now Stark." Carol rolls her eyes but accepts Tony's hug, letting out a peaceful sigh.

"Nope. Leaving all that for her." He nods his head towards you before leaving, muttering something to Friday.

Your eyes lock with her brown ones and her grin grows impossibly bigger. She launches towards you and pulls you into a tight hug, so strong it lifts you off the ground. You hug her back with the same intensity, drinking her in. Her scent, her feeling. You bring your hand up to her hair and exhale deeply, the moment you've been waiting for finally having arrived.

She pulls back and sets you back on the ground before giving you an award winning smile, tucking some stray hairs behind your ear. "Hey baby. Miss me?"

-

You sat on Carol's bed, unsure of how to start the conversation, so you picked at the burnt threads of her duvet, waiting for her to come out of the shower.

She finally emerged, rid of all her intergalactic germs with wet hair. She offered you a smile and fell down onto the bed in front of you with a groan. "I could so do with some sleep right now." she muttered into the comforter before pulling her wet hair into a bun.

You forced a smile as she laid across your stomach and closed her eyes. You cherished these moments - the ones where you could hold her close, or even were just together, but the fact that she couldn't spend time with you because she was tired from her mission reignited the fire you had shared with Natasha last night. You tried to convince yourself it wasn't that big of a deal and that you'd have the next few days to spend with the vibrant blonde, but that was just it - what until another mission came up.

"So how was the mission?" you prompted yourself to ask as you thread your fingers through her clean hair.

"Easy." your skin erupted in goosebumps as she spoke against your stomach. "Didn't take as long as I thought it would but on the way back, I came across a planet in crisis so I had to stop there."

"That was... Nice of you." your voice betrayed you and Carol noticed immediately, lifting her head with a deep frown.

"Are you okay?"

"Yeah, no yeah. I'm fine." you try, but Carol knows better.

"Y/N." She warns and you give in.

"I miss you."

Her gaze softens. "I miss you too baby. But we're together now."

"No." your eyes avoid her confused ones as you try to keep your voice calm. "I miss you all the time Carol."

"Baby?"

You sigh and try to formulate your thoughts in a way to not offend her. She did just return from a mission and was tired but dammit you had feelings too.

"I know you have to save the world and everything and be a superhero but you do kind of have commitments here..." You begin, trying to steer her thoughts in the same direction as yours, but her brows furrow further. "Carol I'm your girlfriend and we're in a relationship... Yet every month you're off on some new planet and I'm here all alone. I get relationships aren't only about being physically affectionate but..."

"I thought you understood." She mumbles, finally catching on. "That I have extra responsibility. You said you were fine with that." she reminds you and you nod.

"I remember." you can't make heads or tails of her expression. "But like I said, I miss you."

"I miss you too, I miss you so much all the time but I do have a job to do." Carol sighs. She was really tired. You could see that and you could also feel the tension beginning to thicken.

"I know you have a job to do." you huff frustrated that the conversation was going in circles.

"So what do you suggest? That I stop?" she asks in disbelief and you close your eyes momentarily, trying to calm yourself.

"No. I'm just asking for a little more time with you every month. I see you for like five days a month." you feel the tears beginning to pool in the corners of your eyes and watch as Carol nods slowly.

"So you want me to abandon all those people who need help and homes just so you can cuddle and make out a little more?" she scoffs and you swallow hard. This is what you wanted to avoid.

"No." your voice starts to betray you, as does your vision. "But you can't act as though the universe is your responsibility alone. You can't fix the whole universe by yourself Carol."

"I can try." she grits out through her teeth before getting up from the bed and straightening her back out. "You know you were all I could think about on the mission. I just wanted to come home and be with you and relax. But you're building barriers."

"No." you shake your head at the blonde as you mirror her position. "You laid the foundation. It's fine for you to be upset about this, I get that I kind of ruined your expectations. But you can't expect me not to have feelings either." you add before grabbing your keys.

"Where are you going?" she asks, watching you with mild concern.

"I'm going home Carol. So you can rest before your next mission." you nod at her, feeling like it was the right thing to do, before bidding her farewell. "Good luck."

-

It had been a few days since you'd spoken to Carol, over a week. She wasn't one to apologize, being the hard headed one in the relationship, but you weren't going to apologize either, dismissing your suppressed feelings once again.

Your finger hovered over her contact details before your thumb scrolled downwards and you clicked on Natasha's contact. You put the phone to your ear and waited. After three rings, the assassin's sultry voice filled your ears. "I was just about to call. Movie night?"

"Movie night." you confirm.

_

"I'm glad you spoke to her about your feelings." Natasha voices her opinion, the movie long forgotten as she notices your blank expression most of the time. "Even if it did cause a rift, she needed to know."

"I thought you were Team Cap." you joke and she chuckles.

"I am. But I'm team Y/N too." she smiles at you sweetly.

"Thats good to know." you return her smile before sighing. "How is she though?" you were burning to know.

"Quiet." Natasha sighs. "Closed off. But she went back out this afternoon, maybe she'll have a revelation."

"I doubt. But thanks." you force a smile as you grow sad. Carol left without saying goodbye. She'd always say goodbye. No matter the situation.

-

You dropped your keys into the bowl as soon as you locked the door and immediately picked up the door stop. Something didn't feel right.

Not that the doorstop would do anything but it was the closest weapon you had. You held the stop in one hand and used your other to feel for the light switch. As soon as you hit it, light filled the room and your eyes grew wide at your living room being covered in sticky notes.

You put down the doorstop as soon as you noticed Carol's sloppy handwriting and picked a note off of the couch.

31. Your smile.

You frowned in confusion and picked one up off the tv.

52. The way you watch movies with me even though you've seen them a long time ago.

You move into the dining room and pick a blue note off the table.

78. You look amazing wearing my clothes.

You move to go into the kitchen, but there's a note over the light switch. You pick it up and read it.

92. You always let me win in video games I don't understand.

You smile at the memories, still not understanding the context of the situation but when you finally put the light on, you see your kitchen littered with sticky notes. All over the cupboards and fridge. You notice a huge one on the fridge.

A Hundred Reasons Why I Love You.

You smile broadens as you pick up the note directly underneath it.

67. You make me a better person.

You glance down at your hand and place all the collected notes on the counter top before hearing a noise from deeper in the apartment. You immediately pick up the pan and raise it to defend yourself, but lower it when you see Carol's glowing form.

"Easy there." she smirks, coming closer as you set the pan back down. "So I only wrote out one hundred, but there are far more in my head."

"Oh yeah?" relief washes over you as you feel a normal setting descend upon the room. "Like what?"

"Like how you take such good care of me when I come home. You always make sure I'm fed, clean and comfortable even if you have work the next morning." she inches closer. "How you never make fun of me for not understanding modern references like the others and instead explain it to me." she stops glowing and your breath hitches as she looks into your eyes.

"How you aways manage to make any place we're in feel like home." she continues, stopping just short in front of you. "How you suppress your feelings to consider mine." she digs into her jeans pocket to hand you a sticky note.

You take it, not missing the heat from her hands she claimed only happened when you were around. Your eyes watered as you read the note with your eyes.

100. Because you always wait for me.

"Nobody has ever invested this much into me." she admits, bringing a hand up to scratch at her head, her nerves beginning to show. "Nobody has ever spent this much time with me or loved me or cared for me like you do. It was a luxury at first and then I began to take advantage." she looks down at her shoes in disappointment.

Your heart ached. This is exactly what you wanted to avoid. You didn't want to make her feel bad.

"Carol-"

"-And I'm sorry. You're right. We are in a relationship. I love you." she brings her eyes back to yours, causing the thundering in her chest to intensify. "I'm sorry I've been such a dick. And I can understand if you want to break it off with me because no person deserves to be treated like this."

You smile at her before taking the step forward, diminishing the space as you brace your hands on her shoulders. On instinct, she places her hands on your hips. You raise your hands and rest them on her face, moving it slightly to get a good view of her watering eyes. "Hey." you brush a thumb over her cheek. "You're stuck with me." you say in a serious tone.

"Carol I love you so much. I love you enough to wait for you like an idiot at every month." you inform her. "I didn't tell you because I want to end the relationship or cause a fight. I told you because I love you and I miss you and I want to spend more time with you. That's it. But this gesture? Really sweet."

"Right? Took me some time. But I really enjoyed making them." she admits before sighing. "I'm sorry. I promise to take you into consideration more."

"Thank you. Apology accepted." you smile before leaning in and giving her a soft kiss. When you lean back, you see her eyes are still closed with a small smile playing on her lips. "Idiot." you mumble before giving her another kiss. "I thought you had a mission by the way." you frown.

"I did." she says nonchalantly before bringing you in for a proper kiss. "Mission accomplished."

[blackestnight]

A questionnaire about the mun or something

NICKNAME. i don’t...really do nicknames...people used to refer to me as “lark” or “grace” because my old I Use This Everywhere username was larkgrace! calling me hanami is fine too, though. some of my FC mates call me hanami-chan, it’s ridiculous.

REAL NAME. cyan!

ZODIAC. pisces! [sokka lastairbender voice] water siiigns.

HEIGHT. 5′10″

WHAT TIME IS IT? uh...12:52 am. it’s still monday somewhere, i’m sure.

FAVORITE MUSICIANS / GROUPS. lots! but off the top of my head: owl city (and all of adam young’s side projects), lindsey stirling, sufjan stevens, purity ring, florence + the machine, and metric!

FAVORITE SPORTS TEAM.  what’s a sport. i don’t really follow athletes (other than...swimming...) so INSTEAD: favorite drum corps! bluecoats and phantom regiment. please watch tilt, it’s my favorite dci show ever.

OTHER BLOGS. just this one! i used to be @trustyourpartner but i haven’t logged onto that account in years.

DO I GET ASKS? yes, and i cherish every one! (and i’m sorry for being slow on prompt responses right now, i’m still recovering from Body Failure.)

HOW MANY BLOGS DO I FOLLOW?  like...110? ish? still a fairly new account, i’m always looking for more people to follow.

TUMBLR CRUSHES FRIENDS. all my mutuals...[gently leaves a plate of cookies at your door]

LUCKY NUMBER. 7!

WHAT AM I WEARING RIGHT NOW?  a sweatshirt with a pastel valkyrie riding a unicorn and yelling “LOL BYE!” and jeggings because i refuse to wear real pants as a rule. my socks are pink and have little shooting stars.

DREAM VACATION. rome...or moscow! i have an “aunt” (family friend) who teaches at the university there and i used to tutor her students in english, i’d love to get to say hi in person.

DREAM CAR. one that i never have to drive

FAVORITE FOOD. chicken in all forms, anything with garlic, or gyros. in addition, i make the best scrambled eggs you will eat in your life.

DRINK OF CHOICE. apple juice...or soda...alcohol and i don’t get along.

LANGUAGES. english, spanish if everyone’s willing to go slow and forgive me for fucking up tenses, asl if everyone’s willing to go really slow and fingerspell the less common words, and i can maybe babble like a toddler in russian.

INSTRUMENTS.  i used to play flute and guitar! haven’t touched either in years though. mostly i sing now.

CELEBRITY CRUSHES. ashley greene as alice cullen was my gay awakening. also i’d let viggo mortensen read the phone book to put me to sleep. 

RANDOM FACT. i’m allergic to coffee! i drink soda to compensate for the caffeine but it’s not socially acceptable to chug a bottle of dr pepper before noon. i live a sad life.

TAGGED BY. yoinked from @ishgard...ty for the open tag!

[mostlysignssomeportents]

#1yrago Molly Ringwald's brilliant essay about John Hughes is a superb exploration of what it means to love "problematic" art

If you've been paying attention, you might already know that Molly Ringwald is a brilliant writer with smart things to say about the movies that made her famous.

But her essay on John Hughes movies, the Breakfast Club, #metoo, and the useful and versatile concept of "problematic" art and artists is a whole new level of excellence.

Ringwald has an insider's view into the attitudes that prevailed among the decision-makers who shaped the beloved movies of her era, and how those decisions came to be. What's more, Ringwald commands enough respect that when she has a blank spot in her understanding, she can just email the people who can fill it in and get together with them for lunch or chat on the phone and interrogate them in uncompromising -- but empathic -- ways, to assemble a full picture of what was going on.

What emerges from her recollections and investigations is a thoroughly mixed bag: from John Hughes on down, the people involved were thoroughly flawed vessels who, at times, did, thought and said things that are unforgivably monstrous, and who also were, at times, noble, selfless, thoughtful, compassionate and altogether good. They made art that helped people struggle with oppression and alienation -- and they made art that abetted oppression and alienation.

They were problematic.

I love the idea of "problematic." Problematic art isn't bad art, it's art that has problems. "Problematic" is an idea that lets us lower the cost of acknowledging and fixing bad and wicked things in our world. Without "problematic," all you have is "bad" and "good," and that means that any stain on a piece of art that moved you, improved you, opened your horizons and lifted you up is a disqualifier -- being virtuous means that you have to reject the art because of its irredeemable sins.

This is, I think, a major source of denial, and a major impediment to talking about -- and thus fixing -- the problems with our culture. Without "problematic," then imperfect art is "bad" and you have to choose between cherishing the ways in which it improved your life and jettisoning the art and its effects on you. That all-or-nothing framework makes acknowledging imperfections needlessly expensive and thus unpopular.

But with "problematic," we can have it both ways: "This art, whose flaws I acknowledge and wish to see improved upon, made me happy and improved my life and my understanding of the world." That statement doesn't give a pass to the flaws in art, it doesn't make a virtue out of the work's hurtful or ugly imperfections -- rather, it opens a space to talk about (and thus address) the flaws without having to deny your pleasures, influences and loves.

The same goes for artists (or people in general, really): people who do bad things can make good art. We don't have to enrich them and reward them once we learn about their wicked deeds, but we can denounce and repudiate the artist without denouncing and repudiating their works. You can admire the beauty of the Crown Jewels without endorsing colonialism or monarchism, or denying the blood and suffering that is inseparable from the jewels. They can be problematic: that is to say, having good qualities and bad qualities that do not balance each other nor cancel each other out, but simply co-exist, there to be seen and admired or decried depending on the way they're affecting you right now.

So: Ringwald describes a baffling conversation with Emil Wilbekin, founder of Native Son, which advocates for gay black men, who told her that he was "saved" by John Hughes's movies, which had no black people and no gay people in them to speak of, and, moreover, made liberal use of homophobic slurs and racial stereotypes. She tracked down Wilbekin later and asked him what John Hughes movies had to say to someone like him: "'The Breakfast Club,' he explained, saved his life by showing him, a kid growing up in Cincinnati in the eighties, 'that there were other people like me who were struggling with their identities, feeling out of place in the social constructs of high school, and dealing with the challenges of family ideals and pressures.' These kids were also 'finding themselves and being ‘other’ in a very traditional, white, heteronormative environment.' The lack of diversity didn’t bother him, he added, 'because the characters and storylines were so beautifully human, perfectly imperfect and flawed.' He watched the films in high school, and while he was not yet out, he had a pretty good idea that he was gay."

Wilbekin's life was improved by Hughes's movies, his hurts succored by them. Not despite Hughes's homophobia and racism, nor because of it, but alongside of it. Hughes's movies are problematic, and their racism and homophobia (and their misogyny) are a force for evil in the world, while their compassion and their wittiness and their beauty are a force for good. We don't have to balance or cancel these forces, we can just acknowledge them and move on -- by which I mean, "use our critical analysis to make art that is less problematic, learning from Hughes, not letting him off the hook, and neither denying his virtues."

Like many people of my generation, I grew up admiring Ringwald by way of her screen presentations, which offered little insight into her as a person; now that we're both adults, I'm delighted to learn how un-problematic she turns out to be, and revel in her wit, insight and compassion.

https://boingboing.net/2018/04/07/the-worlds-an-imperfect-place.html

[chiseler]

A Smelling Salts Tigress: Laura Hope Crews

When Laura Hope Crews first appears in The Silver Cord (1933), she seizes the space like the experienced theater star she was, arms and furs flying, crying for her son: “Dave boy!” It’s the kind of entrance that seems meant for entrance applause, and Crews earns that courtesy from the moment she arrives, or even before that, when we hear her off-screen (or off-stage) voice. As Mrs. Phelps, a smother mother of monstrous proportions, Crews acts at the highest possible level of intensity.

It’s hard to keep track of Mrs. Phelps’s passive aggressive and sometimes just aggressive aggressive tactics to sever the marital engagements of her two sons David and Robert (Joel McCrea and Eric Linden). Mother Phelps descends, sometimes, to outright cattiness: “That dress needs distinction…and a figure,” she says to David’s fiancée (Irene Dunne). She’s fond of crying, “I haven’t a selfish hair on my head!” but she’s so obvious a manipulator that her sons seem a little dim to be taken in by her incessant posing at motherly self-sacrifice. Crews plays her like a drawing room wild animal who must always keep up the most furiously gripping kind of playacting if she is to keep her sons, and her audience, in her thrall.

“I nearly died when Dave was born!” she cries, then reminds her victims, in a quieter voice, “He was a twelve-pound baby, you know.” When Crews gets her claws into Linden, it feels like Mrs. Phelps has an almost hypnotic effect on her son; one silent look from her and he is practically her slave. When the chips are really down, when her sons are on the verge of seeing through her, Mrs. Phelps complains of heart trouble. She is a virtuoso of the guilt trip, and she can be outright comic, like Barry Humphries’s drag character Dame Edna Everage insulting a member of her audience “for their own good.”

“Isn’t your mother your best friend?” she asks Linden’s Robert, who keeps retreating into her lap and bosom and letting himself be kissed lingeringly on the mouth. Crews’s grand, raspy voice is full-throated and almost unvaryingly passionate here, but she’s scariest when she speaks in a more normal tone of voice, as when she pulls a phone out of a wall socket and quietly tells Robert’s fiancée Hester (Frances Dee), “You are the only person in the world who has ever forced me to do an undignified thing.” For most of its short running time, The Silver Cord is the record of a performance by Crews that has the force of a natural disaster, a purely destructive hurricane gale, something and somebody that cannot be explained away, even when playwright Sidney Howard has her try to justify her incestuous “romance” with her sons in the final scene.

The Silver Cord had been a success for Crews on stage, too, in the 1920s. She was born in 1879, the daughter of a stage actress, Angelena Lockwood, and Crews went on the stage herself at the age of four. She was Beatrice to John Drew’s Benedick in Much Ado About Nothing, and played Judith Bliss in the original Broadway run of Noel Coward’s Hay Fever. As a young woman, she had a major hit in A.A. Milne’s Mr. Pim Passes By, and she was still reviving it in the late 1920s when she engaged Bette Davis to play an ingénue role. Davis was filled with nervous energy already, and she tended to circle her arms around, which stirred Crews’s ire.

“Miss Crews, famous for the use of her lovely hands, made it very clear from the start that no good ingénue waved her hands about,” Davis wrote in her autobiography, The Lonely Life. Davis tried to keep her hands at her sides, but at one point during the dress rehearsal she moved them to emphasize a line and felt a slap on her wrist from behind, delivered by a furious Crews, who was not only starring in this old-time vehicle but directing it herself. Davis counted to fifty, held her temper in, and kept her job.

Gloria Swanson called Crews to Hollywood to work with her as a vocal coach for her first talking film, The Trespasser (1929) at the suggestion of director Edmund Goulding, who told Swanson that there was “no one in the world with a better ear for the spoken word.” Crews repeated her Silver Cord triumph on film and made a few more movies in small roles before coming to her second major film performance, Prudence in George Cukor’s superlative version of Camille (1936) with Greta Garbo.

Marguerite Gautier, the extravagant courtesan played by Garbo in Camille, orders her dresses from Prudence, who lives off her shop but also off spare money from her various strumpet friends. She’s always giving Marguerite “motherly” advice, but if Mrs. Phelps is the worst mother imaginable, then Prudence has all the motherly instinct of a barracuda. Crews wears rather low-cut dresses here that barely cover her bosom, and she goes all-out with Prudence’s vulgarity and ill-temper. At a rowdy dinner party at Marguerite’s apartment, Prudence uninhibitedly takes off her shoes and sticks her feet up. A dirty story is told round the table, and it is said that the story is as old as Prudence, to which she replies, “I’m 36!” This gets met with a shriek of incredulous laughter (Crews was 56 at this point), and to Prudence’s credit, she joins in the laughter wholeheartedly.

As Marguerite retires into her room with her younger lover Armand (Robert Taylor), Cukor shows Prudence smoking a cigar in close-up, and in this close-up, Crews is as lively and convincing a picture of worldly, hedonistic corruption as has ever been offered in movies. When Marguerite drops Prudence’s purse out a window to get rid of her in a later scene, Crews gives an invigoratingly theatrical line reading as she cries, “What a girl! What a te-ease!” at the top of her vocal register. There is always, with Crews, a hysteria running underneath her vocal attack that she can barely suppress, and this accounts for her rare excitement as an actress. Somehow it never gets monotonous because she is able to work a lot of variations into what is, at best, the ultimate in theatrical authority, in keeping an audience, and often the other characters, in her grip.

“Wine used to go to my head and make me gay!” Prudence says, after a boozy wedding. “Now it goes to my legs and makes me old!” This is a magnetic woman, and it’s easy to want her to reveal a good-hearted impulse or two as Marguerite suffers and dies, but no, Cukor and Crews end their portrait of Prudence on a pitiless note. In her last scene, she not only takes the last of dying Marguerite’s money, but she also cruelly mentions that Armand is back in town and hasn’t tried to see Marguerite. As has been said before, Prudence is a “vulture” and “a dreadful old woman,” and some people just don’t have good hearts or good impulses, in fact, quite the opposite. Prudence administers a kick when Marguerite is on her deathbed just for the pleasure of it, the same pleasure she takes in cigars and brandy and weddings. This is a thoroughly loathsome woman, as bad or even worse than Mrs. Phelps, and Crews plays her unsparingly.

Crews entered folklore as Aunt Pittypat in Gone with the Wind (1939), an Atlanta lady with horns of curls always quivering on her head as she shakes with genteel anxiety and asks for her smelling salts, and after that she played a few more bits before coming to work with Bette Davis again in The Man Who Came to Dinner (1942), after Davis had become the biggest female movie star in the world. Crews played a bit role that was later cut. In her behavior on the set, she proved that she herself was more generous than the roles she often played.

“Past all power and desire to slap ingénues, she was now coaching them in speech and accepting small parts in films,” Davis wrote of Crews. “I think she fully expected anything from me. I had dreamed of a reversal of position for many years.” But Davis decided against outright revenge. “I welcomed Miss Crews warmly and with great deference,” she wrote. “No doubt she would have preferred not being robbed of an ex post facto justification of her high-handedness…When the picture was over, Miss Crews came to my dressing room. She handed me a box—and was gone. I opened it and inside was the most beautiful watch—pearls and diamonds on the back—that I had ever seen. This was her belated apology. She died six months later. It is one of my truly cherished possessions.”

by Dan Callahan

[that-curly-haired-lesbian]

The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo + Taylor Swift: a master post - Part 6/6

Hi guys, welcome to the final part of my masterpost regarding parallels between Taylor Swift and Evelyn Hugo, the fictional actress from the book The Seven Husbands Of Evelyn Hugo by author Taylor Jenkins Reid!

Before proceeding please be aware that there will be

 **MAJOR SPOILERS**

for the book ahead and please also read my disclaimer!

It’s very important that you read these in order so if you haven’t yet go ahead and check out the previous part right here, thank you and enjoy!

When Evelyn starts telling us about beard #6 she reveals that they got married in Joshua Tree (Pg. 295) which is you know, an actual place and all, but my first reaction was (perhaps understandably given this context)

“You got married WHERE, now?!” and then it took me quite a while to stop laughing and honestly, this is kind of too hilarious not to include!

Evelyn also points out on that same page that she wore an ocean-blue dress for the ceremony.

--

 Though Max Girard (beard #6 and legit husband #2) initially starts out as a non-bearding situation (in a desperate attempt to get over Celia) it soon becomes clear that Max doesn’t love Evelyn, he loves Evelyn Hugo™ He loves the idea of her more than the actual person, he loves the famous persona. Evelyn says:

  “I didn’t know how to tell him that I loved her too, but I wasn’t her.” (Pg. 298)

This is that age-old debate of Taylor vs. Taylor Swift™. The two are not the same person and sometimes it feels like (het in particular) fans have as hard a time as Max to make that distinction.

Taylor Swift the public persona isn’t Taylor Swift the person and that is perhaps the most true when it comes to Taylor’s actual love life vs. her fabricated one. There might not be a single fact more important to come to terms with in order to understand Gaylor Swift (and her reasons for being closeted) than that simple one. If you feel lost here, please go read this again!

--

    “When you’re known for being gorgeous, you can’ not imagine a faith worse        than standing next to someone and falling short.” (Pg. 299)

  And all the young things line up to take your place

--

In a letter to Celia:

  “I hope you will forgive me for being so blunt, but how did we make such a     mess of it all?” (Pg. 301)

Oh, we made quite a mess, babe

--

After years of being separated (yet again) Evelyn finally calls Celia and when they discuss the possibility of getting back together without having to hide Evelyn points out that:

                        “Everything has changed”

And as proof of this change she brings up the fact that Elton John is now proudly out (this part of her story is set in the late 80’s) to which Celia counters with:

  “’Elton John doesn’t have a child and a career based on audiences     believing he’s a straight man.” (Pg. 303)

Taylor may not have a kid, but she most certainly has a career based on audiences believing she’s a straight woman and that must be freaking terrifying!!

--

During that phone call Evelyn explains that she never stopped loving Celia and when Celia questions this by pointing out that Evelyn (in a non-bearding way) got married to someone else Evelyn explains:

  “’I married him because he helped me forget you,’ I said, “not because I     stopped loving you’” (Pg. 304)

He will try to take away my pain  And he just might make me smile  But the whole time I'm wishin' he was you instead

--

During a dinner following the phone conversation Evelyn tells Celia:

  “I spent my life hiding so no one would knock me off the mountain. Well, you     know what? I’m done hiding. Let them come and get me. They can throw me     down a well as far as I’m concerned.” (Pg. 313)

When Celia questions if Evelyn really means that Evelyn assures her that she does.

  “Any other line of thinking…It’s how I lost you. I don’t want to lose anymore.”

HELL YEAH, EVELYN IS DONE HIDING!! Also, the “I don’t want to lose anymore”-line reminds me of:

  Us traitors never win

And what I said about that line in my analysis of Getaway Car:

What she says I think is that people who pick their career over their love life won’t end up being happy, or “winning” at life in the long-run.

--

When Celia has made absolutely sure that Evelyn is truly ready to give it all up for her this time she suggests that they move to Spain together, she says she wants to spend her final years:

  “On a beautiful beach. With the love of a good woman.” (Pg. 314)

  Drinkin' on a beach with you all over me

--

When Evelyn leaves her sixth husband for Celia he is pissed off and threatens to out her and he does, to untrustworthy magazines and anyone who will listen. (No one believes him, but still) (Pg. 319)

The whole divorce is very bitter and the bitterness of it all kind of reminded me of one of Taylor’s particularly bad bearding situations.  But when Max goes so far as to basically say he made Evelyn’s career an even worse taste was left in my mouth……………..

--

In a conversation with Evelyn about their differing degrees of fame Harry says the following:

  “I’m only famous because you’re famous, Ev. They don’t care about me or     what  I’m doing unless it somehow relates to you.” (Pg. 321)

Here we once again have bearding 101, but also it reminded me of someone…

On page 325 Evelyn refers to Harry as:

   “My best friend, my family.”

And while this is obviously said platonically between those two it nonetheless made me think of something that I’m honestly still not over Taylor saying about Karlie!!

--

Towards the end of her career Evelyn meets a young man named Nick, he wants to be an actor and asks Evelyn for advice. She bitterly considers telling him:

  “You have to be willing to deny your heritage, to commodify your body, to lie     to good people, to sacrifice who you love in the name of what people will   think, and to choose the false version of yourself time and time again,   until you forget who you started out as or why you started doing it to   begin with.” (Pg. 326) (x)

--

Evelyn’s friend (and beard) Harry dies tragically in a car accident in 1989

While Taylor has always used the motif of cars/car rides in her music there are A LOT of car mentions on 1989, an album many het Swifties seem to believe to be about Harry Styles, interesting…

--

After Harry’s death Evelyn and Celia move to Spain together and out of the spotlight they finally get to openly be together and Evelyn “chose the rose garden over Madison Square” if you will and she was extremely happy. About her relationship with Celia during that time she says:

  “I cherished every moment we had to ourselves, every second I spent with my    arms around her.” (Pg. 344)

   When I get you alone it’s so simple

                           //

  I could've spent forever with your hands in my pockets

Evelyn describes her seventh husband and last beard (Celia’s brother) as so charming that most other women were:

  “Enchanted by him” (Pg.344)

Oddly specific word choice!

As happy as Celia and Evelyn were at this point in their lives something was hanging over them, Celia was sick and dying. Evelyn tells Monique that when Celia promised Evelyn she’d never leave her again:

    “We both knew she was making a promise she couldn’t keep.” (Pg. 346)

  Brokeeeeee the sweetest promISEEE that you neverrrrr should   have MADEEE

Listen to that you guys, that’s my goddamn heart breaking!!!

--

CELIA AND EVELYN’S WEDDING SCENE (pg. 347-349) IS SUPER SWEET!!!!!! A fun little detail is that New York (which is as we’ve previously established significant to the Kaylor relationship as well as the Evelyn and Celia one) was made relevant in a scene taking place in Spain (Celia’s shirt)

ALSO allow we to go into crazy fanfic territory here, but can’t you just IMAGINE the “we can get married”-conversation happening between Taylor and Karlie when same-sex marriage became legalized nationwide????

All wlw just want a wife #ConfirmedOnPage349

Seriously, if you wanna be punched in the feels today go read the wedding scene and imagine Kaylor in Evelyn and Celia’s place. (No one is sick in the Kaylor version, but they are deeply closeted and still at the height of their careers) oh, my fragile, gay heart!!

--

When Celia does die from her illness Evelyn describes her reaction with:

      “I fell to the floor.” (Pg. 350)

  I'm HERE on the KITCHEN flooOOOOr 

Don’t TOUCH MEEEEEE

After Celia’s death Evelyn truly stops hiding in the closet:

     “I could not keep my true self from coming out.” (Pg. 353)

  “It cost so much, caring. I didn’t have any currency to spend on it.” (Pg. 354)

  “People were still easily distracted from seeing how I felt about Celia St.     James, but this time was different because I wasn’t hiding anything. The truth   had been there for them to grab if they’d paid attention.”

  “But of course they got it wrong. They never did care about getting it right. The    media are going to tell whatever story they want to tell. They always have.     They always will.”

To me this is the essence of the Reputation era, Taylor having realized that she can’t make the media she the truth so she just avoids them and tells the truth to those of us who are paying attention. This time it’s different, because she isn’t hiding anything.

  There will be no further explanation. There will be just reputation

--

Evelyn saying it made her happy to spend money on her loved ones (Pg. 356) makes me think of Taylor being so extra with the fans ❤

--

  “No one is just a victim or a victor. That’s Evelyn Hugo for you, somewhere     in the middle.” (Pg. 366)

--

   “She’s painfully human to me now.” (Pg. 371)

Is that Monique saying that about Evelyn Hugo after finding out her true life story or is it me saying it about Taylor Swift after falling down the Gaylor rabbit hole? No one knows for sure…

--

  “Evelyn is going to die when she wants to and she wants to die now.” (Pg.375)

  I'm sorry, the old Taylor can't come to the phone right now (Ooh, look what you made me do)  Why? (Look what you made me do)  Oh, 'cause she's dead!

                                //

  in the death of her reputation she felt truly alive

                     The huge difference between the death of Taylor Swift and the death of Evelyn Hugo is that Evelyn’s death is literal and Taylor’s is figurative.

Despite this Evelyn’s death is somehow every bit as cinematic as Taylor who just recently killed off her reputation in order to feel truly alive. They’re both still doing it on their own terms, literally controlling the narrative that is their lives up until their last breaths (figurative as well as literal)

  “Evelyn trusts me with her story. Evelyn trusts me with her death.” (Pg. 377)

Just as Taylor is trusting us with the death of her false reputation and the truth of her actual story and narrative.

  “The tears that come out of me feel as if they were decades in the making. It     feels as if some old version of me is leaking out, letting go, saying good-bye in     the effort of making room for a new me. Somehow both more cynical about   people and more optimistic about my place in the world” (Pg. 377-378)

Okay so this is a lot and it hit me right in the heart! I can only imagine this is just how Taylor felt when she decided that killing of her old reputation and public image was the right move. After everything that happen to her just before she decided to take a break to figure that stuff out (and everything that has happened for her entire career as far as bearding and hiding goes)I bet those tears felt decades (or at least a decade) in the making when they finally came. After all she’s been through in the industry since the age of 16 it’s no wonder if she feels cynical about people, but after taking the break to figure it out and deciding to COME out I’m sure she also feels optimistic now that she’s on the road to being herself publicly. She’s found her place in this world as out and proud and now she’s working towards getting to that place every day.

All these years she’s just been trying to find a place in this world and oh, Taylor, I am so glad you’ve found it! ❤

It must be such a relief to have made up your mind, to not have to be afraid anymore.

   “There’s still so much I don’t know about my father. Maybe he was gay. Maybe    he saw himself as straight, but in love with one man. Maybe he was bisexual.     Or a host of other words. But it really doesn’t matter, that’s the thing.” (Pg. 380)

This is an interesting quote, to Evelyn the word bisexual mattered a lot and to Celia the word lesbian did, as for Monique’s father we don’t know what he would have said on the matter concerning his own identity because he’s been dead since long before the book started. Ultimately Monique comes to the conclusion that it doesn’t matter what her father would’ve identified as, as long as she knew he loved her (which it has been shown throughout the book that he undeniably did.)

In the same way we could argue all day about whether Taylor is gay or bi or straight or a “a host of other words” for the time being we’re in much the same position as Monique, Taylor hasn’t told us and it’s not like we can just ask her, but does it matter? We all love Taylor and we know that she loves us. Her being in love with women and writing her songs about them instead of the men we were lead to believe were her muses doesn’t change that. In the end it’s not a big deal whether Taylor is gay or straight, we still love her, we came for her music that we related to and loved and then we ended up staying for Taylor, the person, because we fell in love with her and her storytelling. Who she loves doesn’t change that.  We love her and she loves us and that’s all that matters.

--

On page 382 GLAAD is mentioned by name as an organization that Evelyn gave most of her fortune to after her death.

The piece Monique ends up writing about Evelyn for Vivant summarizes the main theme of the both and to me it also summarizes what Gaylor Swift is about:

The TRUTH behind the SCANDAL that was her love life.

(Pg. 385)

And now for the final piece in this puzzle

And all our pieces fall  Right into place

🌈 🌈 🌈

--

Thank you SO much for reading all of these masterposts, I really hope you enjoyed it as much as I enjoyed reading that amazing book and writing all of these parts!

[i-require-cheddar]

One of the Team

Virgil's POV

    You know, if it weren't for football I would probably just fade into the background of this school even as a new student. Outside of football I am the anxious loner. Don't speak unless you are spoken to kind of guy, but out on that field it's different. On the field it's action. Get from place to place; let instincts kick in. They say it's fight or flight, and I am most certainly flight. Dodging and maneuvering players trying to reach my destination. It's always the same. People saying, "I didn't know you had it in you," or whatever other variations of that. People assume social skills and football walk the halls hand-in-hand. No one would ever guess the dark looming figure hunched over his desk in the back of the room would be a star football player.

    I sighed. This class was so boring that I was monologuing about football. We can't have that. Luckily, my distraction walked into the room. Roman Cenric, a fellow football player and the definition of a social butterfly. He had a way of gracing the room with his presence. Making each person he walked by aware he was there in the way he carried himself. Roman walked as if he were preparing himself for the situation just a few steps in front of him, but not in the same anxious way as I do. He was known for tackling on the field and had also seemed to tackle any other life situation along with that. I let the music from my earbuds fade out as I watched him make his way through the room to talk to his usual posse.

Roman's POV

Entering my study hall, I immediately deviated towards my friends. This class is always talkative and laid back so no one made any fuss as we went on talking throughout the period each day. After the usual playful banter and conversation of friends one of my friends started to change her tune. Piper, a perceptive girl who I have known for half of this year spoke up, "Earbuds is staring at you again, Roman,".

"Who is 'Earbuds'?" you may ask. Well, I'd be very happy to tell you he is that baggy sweater wearing and overall edge king in the back. Properly known as Virgil Bodil. Personally, I love the look. Ripped black skinny jeans and raccoon-style eyeshadow never seemed to suit a person so well. In the past few weeks since he joined the school Piper noticed that he had a tendency to stare at me and this lead to a long process of creating his nickname and placing bets as to why he seemed so fixated on me. A couple of the boys in the group had placed their bet at $25 that he hates me and they tend to make jokes that he is plotting how to get to me before our senior year is over. My friend Natalie had bet them that he is intimidated by the competition I give him for his title of star football player. Finally, there was Piper, who hadn't made a bet, but instead told me her thoughts personally.

Although I've known Piper for the shortest amount of time, her and I have become far tighter knit than the others. Piper and I have more in common with her being a closeted gray-ace with a preference for girls. So what does that have to do with me? Well...let's just say football and being gay do not mix well. The other guys would not be the merriest to know that the guy they have been on the field and in the locker room with all throughout football season was a homosexual. So that being said, I am a very closeted gay.

Back on topic; Hot Topic that is. Piper believes that Virgil has feelings for me. Granted, we know nothing of his sexuality, but it's not as if I minded playing around with the idea. At first, I thought I had nothing more than a, "He seems interesting," sort of friend crush. As I first watched him at the start of this year. He kept to himself and always looked rather adorable curled up in his desk in his baggy hoodies. Then football happened. Determination and focus took over him. It was incredible. Not to mention he wasn't hard on the eyes. You could never tell he had any muscle under that hoodie so it was a bit of a happy surprise to see how fit he was. It wasn't just about looks though. There was something about how he handled himself on the field, his rare chuckle where he would bring is balled up sleeve to his mouth as he watched videos in Study Hall. Okay, so maybe he wasn't the only one doing the staring, but I couldn't help it. He captivated me in little ways. And I was feeling bold. I turned to Piper and smirked. It was my senior year and this boy had just waltzed in that year and stolen my heart. I had to try.

Virgil's POV

    As I sat contently watching Roman I saw him turn to a girl and smirk. Anxious thoughts tried to bubble their way to the surface. That was probably his girlfriend. He did interact with her more than the rest of his group. These thoughts were cut off by the sight of Roman's smirking face turning towards my lingering stare. My eyes widened and I quickly looked back down at my desk. I fumbled with my phone trying and failing to pretend I didn't notice our eyes meeting. I could feel a small blush creeping it's way onto my features. I hate how easy it is to make me blush. I quickly started to flip through tumblr in a desperate attempt to think about something other than his eyes that I could still feel watching me, but instead my mind was caught up in seeing those beautifully rich brown eyes up close.

    The bell rang and I immediately turned off my phone and grabbed my stuff. Rushing off to the cafeteria, I ran right into Patton sprawling my belongings and the both of us across the hallway. Patton was my like my guardian angel ever since I joined this school. Him and his boyfriend, Logan, had quickly adopted me. Patton was always looking out for me. Guess he didn't spot me this time though. Ever by Patton's side, Logan stooped over to help Patton up as I promptly began to try and grab my things in the crowd of migrating feet.

     My mind began to race as I tried to pick everything up between the moving feet and the feelings of guilt and anxiety come crashing through my systems. Why am I like this? These thoughts continues till the paper I was reaching for was picked up by someone else. "Oh no," I said aloud, barely audible. I could recognize that paper from a mile away. I know because I had spent a week coddling it, not even letting Patton see it. It was a drawing of mine. Yes, I draw; often. I don't usually show anyone except Patton and Logan, but this one was different. This one was a very detailed drawing of a smile I had been cherishing for weeks. I had spent far too much time on it to be normal and I had written some song lyrics fancifully underneath. "Like one small shaft of light, flooding into my eyes," the lyrics were from one of my favorite songs, "into the wild" by Lewis Watson which I had come to associate with Roman. it was Roman's smile; my small shaft of white.

    I looked up to see just who had been the one to pick it up. Just as I feared, it was him. "I just get luckier," I mumbled to myself. "It seems so," Roman beamed from above me, offering me a hand to help me up. Great, watch me ruin my already close to nonexistent chances with him. I took it wearily. Patton spoke up, "We'll go take you things to your locker for yah, Virge," he said as he took my armful of belongings and stuffed them into my bag with the help of Logan and then they went on their way. Everyone else had cleared out of the hallway either going to class or lunch. Leaving me alone with Roman and a drawing he was never meant to see. I turned back to face him to be hit by those rich eyes closer than I had ever imagined seeing them. I stumbled a bit awkwardly taking a step back. Roman offered a gentle smile, "Did you draw this?" He asked curiously gesturing with the paper still in hand. "Uh.. yeah," was all I had to offer. It sounded like a question. He smiled, "Incredible," Roman said fondly looking back to the drawing. Then he cleared his throat,  "I suppose I had better return this," as he handed it back. He almost seemed...shy? Roman was never shy. So why now? Maybe my level of anxiety is contagious. Is that possible? Where is that encyclopedia, Logan, when you need him?

    Roman cleared his throat once again and I realized I had yet to take the drawing from him. I quickly grabbed it and started carefully tucking it into a folder mumbling a sorry. "There's no need to apologize," he paused looking thoughtfully and then continued by saying, "Want to go get lunch?"

"Oh yeah! Sorry, I suppose we had better go do that-"

"No, I mean...Would you like to go get lunch with me?"

Maybe this year won't be so bad.

@nightwhisker17 sorry it’s trash 😓