#Also I swear if I don't complete this inktober I will see how far I can throw myself out a window

[nightoftheweek]

I unknowingly started making a back story for two characters I was creating for inktober. It wasn't suppose to go like this. The goal was to work on things I never have done or done much of.

[thoughtsofdoll]

Art Day but Different

This is not what I'd normally post, but I wanted to explain what it means, which I don't think is obvious from just the picture.

This picture is my homework for October 12, 2023. My direction was: "Please find or draw something that reflects how it feels to be in my control- in silver". I admit that I had forgotten that I could find something as opposed to drawing something, and I'm letting myself believe that my unconscious had a point to get across to me that could only come out if I made something.

Ultimately, this picture is about disconnection.

I felt disconnected a bit from this homework right from the start, because silver is really fucking hard to photograph or scan properly. In fact, this picture has actually been converted to grayscale because it made it easier to see the lines. Not being able to accurately portray or explain my intent is a giant issue for me, but I had to let go of that and just make something.

So I started with a tiny little cube on the left side of the page, to represent me, and a Very Large Cube on the right hand side of the page, to represent Sir. I am small because making this homework made me feel small and inadequate, and he is large because he is Sir.

That was my complete original concept, but when I looked at it, it didn't seem complete after all. So, since Sir has me write lines so much, I thought I'd put lines between us, but even as I started doing that, it still didn't seem right.

I don't know if you can tell from the picture, but there is a place on my (extremely cheap) graph paper that is misprinted. The horizontal lines are out of alignment and there is a tiny gap going down the length of the page where they don't meet up. And that felt really appropriate to me, since I often feel very apart and disconnected from Sir since he is often busy and so very far away.

So I continued drawing lines between him and me, freehand and with a very loose hand, and where ever the lines where straight I connected them and where ever the lines were more wild I did not.

(Also because I wanted the lines to look interesting I made them into a shape and I swear I did not realize until after I was done that they kind of look like a cock.)

Normally I would not have posted this publicly, because it is rough and unfinished and crude looking; not a finished piece of art. But over on the Thoughts of Doll discord, we've been doing an Inktober art challenge, one of the points of which is that we are confined to a very short time limit in which to draw, so that our forebrains don't have time to fuck with us as we're making. And with this drawing I definitely think my unconscious mind had something to say, and not just to me.

You see, it's okay and normal to feel disconnected from the people in your life from time to time. And if you're in any sort of long distance relationship, whether it's D/s like mine and Sir's or romantic or a mix or whatever dynamic you have, it's important to acknowledge that it's work! It takes an effort to maintain relationships! It takes effort to find reconnection! And it's okay if you need to ask for help doing that!

That's what I think, anyway.

(Also, Happy Friday the 13th! Boo!)

agd

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@hypno-sandwich