#B) he’s gay. it’s very clear that’s he’s in the closet (even if it’s invisible to him and everyone else around him)

[ablizmal]

light yagami would eventually manipulate and convince everyone that juliette is emotionally unstable and should be put into a mental institution, and everyone on the taskforce would start to believe it because not only are they being manipulated, but also they would choke on light’s boots if they could.

he would for sure mix misogyny into his reasoning (EVEN THO I’M NOT A WOMAN??? OKAY TWINK BOY LOL) and would start it off “i didn’t want to say this, but…” even tho he LOVES the fact that he’s saying it :/

[tswiftisgay]

my queer perspective and analysis of early TSwift discography 🏳‍🌈

Even though I was not in the south, my community was a lot like Taylor’s country fan base. I’m a bi woman who grew up in a Catholic family, going to Catholic school. My peers and teachers were largely conservative and homophobic. I would like to share my perspective on Taylor’s music and lyrics as I experienced them growing up.

I’ve included dated screenshots from my Facebook. (Please respect my privacy by not sharing these screenshots outside my post.) 

I identified with Taylor’s music beyond any other single artist. Her music was so cathartic for me. That’s not to say I didn’t connect other artists, but many of Taylor’s songs felt very intimate. I posted (cringy) things online about how Taylor was ripping lyrics from my diary.

My comment to a friend below this post emphasizes just how close to home her lyrics hit.

Everyone else said that Taylor Swift wrote like she was inside their heads so I figured everyone else felt the same way as me. But looking back, I likely had a lot more in common with Taylor than the average girl. 

Her songs lean heavily on a sense of longing, uncertainty, and loneliness that I felt every day as someone trying to figure out who I was with few people to talk to openly.  She also returns again and again to what I’m calling “friendship romance.” (This friendship theme is stronger than ever in her recent 1989 and Rep love songs.) We also see the start of a theme of forbidden love that only gets stronger in her later albums.

Let’s explore a few key songs from the Taylor Swift and Fearless albums!

Two caveats:

Liz Rose co-wrote most of the early songs with Taylor. However, she has said on record that she was more of an editor when it came to Taylor and lyrics. 

It’s not my goal to argue who Taylor wrote these songs about, merely to point out the gay feelings and themes in the songs through the lens of my experience. I do link to some other Gaylor analysis of these songs that does reference specific people if you are curious.

Taylor Swift

Tear Drops on My Guitar

I fake a smile so he won't see, What I want, what I need, And everything that we should be

I spent a lot of time listening to my girl friends talking about people they had crushes on. I was oddly possessive/protective of my friends but tried to hide it. That possessiveness came from non-platonic feelings for them even before I acknowledged it. They knew me and understood me. We were so close. I always wanted more of their time and attention and affection.

The only one who's got enough of me to break my heart, He's the song in the car I keep singing, don't know why I do

Because of my attachment, it felt like a betrayal when they turned their attention away from me to a cute boy, even though I knew it wasn’t really. I didn’t understand why this bothered me so much or why I thought about them so much. 

In my experience, the intimacy of female friendship (and thus the need to hide non-platonic feelings) is much stronger (and more painful) than between a guy and a girl.

It’s important that the demo version of this song is gender neutral. Instead of Drew, the song is addressed to “you.” Honestly, that’s really what I heard when I listened to the song anyway. It especially helps explain this line that I really connected to:

And there he you goes so perfectly, The kind of flawless I wish I could be

You can’t tell me this self-reflection of a lovers’ attractiveness is hetero. What straight girl ever looked at a guy and wished she could be as flawless as him? I know I looked at girls I wanted to like me and wished I was as beautiful/cool/perfect as them. I did not feel that way about the guys I was interested in. The only reason that I might feel that way about a guy was if I was enamored with his girlfriend and jealous that she liked him.

I’m Only Me When I’m with You This song describes an incredibly close friendship that is romantic, the most straightforward example of “friendship romance.” You feel everything this other person feels. You feel like you can’t live without them because they matter to you more than anything. I related to this song like crazy and still do.

I don't try to hide my tears My secrets or my deepest fears Through it all nobody gets me like you do

The romantic nature is emphasized in the chorus when Taylor describes trying to convey her feelings for this person. 

I'm only trying To let you know that what I feel is true And I'm only me when I'm with you

Less compelling, but I have to add, knowing everything about you includes knowing you are gay. Sharing that secret created a bond unlike any other. In a community where that was especially taboo, you couldn’t tell just anyone. So anyone who did know was extremely special. (I only told other gays initially and then subsequently fell in love with them because we shared everything.)

The Outside

You saw me there, but never knew That I would give it all up to be A part of this, a part of you

Besides the obvious trope of young queer people feeling different, I always felt like I was on the outside of social circles and cliques of girls I connected with. They tended to be freaked out by how much I liked them or just completely unaware of how much young sweaty-handed me was hanging on their every word. Not being included became extra painful when it was not only a social rejection but a romantic one as well. She writes that she wants to be “a part of this, a part of you,” which implies a romantic interest in addition to the more general social one. This really rang true to young gay me.

Invisible

She's never gonna love you like I want to And you just see right through me but if you only knew me We could be a beautiful, miracle, unbelievable Instead of just invisible

Like shadows in a faded light 

This song again focuses on pining for someone while they long for someone else. Taylor writes “if you only knew me,” but then says “we could be ... instead of just invisible”, implying that they do know each other just not in the way Taylor wants. This feeds back into this theme of unrequited (friendship) love that it so common for young queer women.

She can't see the way your eyes Light up when you smile She'll never notice how you stop and stare Whenever she walks by

This songs also brings in the idea that her (presumably) straight friend is pining after a boy--because who do we usually categorize as unobservant and careless with feelings? Not girls. The song makes a lot more sense with the pronouns switched around. *He can’t see the way your eyes light up, but I can!*

(Taylor even dedicated this song to the gays on Rep tour B-stage.❤)

Fearless

This was the album that I sat up at night listening to over and over again. I think it is extremely gay.

Fearless

On the most basic level, you don’t need to be fearless unless you would otherwise be afraid, as one might be when embracing the gay. One could argue it’s scary to be vulnerable and open yourself up to any new relationship, but she says this is unusual for her. So this song is about something new and different, something that could be scary but is so intoxicating.  This is exactly how I felt about embracing my desire to be with women. (This breathless feeling is also expressed on Jump Then Fall.)

Well you stood there with me in the doorway my hands shake I'm not usually this way but You pull me in and I'm a little more brave It's a first kiss, it's flawless, really something, it's fearless.

She describes having a first kiss, but it’s important to note she has stated her first kiss was when she was a freshman in high school at age 15, long before she was working on the Fearless album. So this was the first kiss of a relationship, or maybe as I’m inclined to believe, her first kiss with another woman.

You Belong with Me

This song again emphasizes that she knows this person better than anyone else and should be with them-- friendship romance anyone? Taylor told the media this was based on a phone call she overheard between her guy friend and his girlfriend, but I have to believe this was an extension of her many previous songs on this theme.

Love Story

Gaylor fans have written so much about this song, which is written partially from Romeo’s perspective about a forbidden romance. She says the love is difficult but real, a sentiment I attached to as a young gay navigating expressing my feelings under the watchful gaze of homophobic adults and teens. 

What I want to add is that it’s so important that she references the sense that this has been building up without words. 

 Is this in my head? I don't know what to think

If she was writing about a more typical relationship, this wouldn’t make sense, but between two closeted young gays, this makes perfect sense. I experienced “relationships” that were unspoken or only referenced in a joking tone, but when it came down to it, there was an acknowledged bond beyond any of our other friendships. We held hands and slept together at sleepovers. If she was upset, she came to me to be held. She was my someone. (And yes, she turned out to be gay, too.) Imagining a day when we both proclaimed our love was so cathartic. 

Forbidden desire is also the main theme of the deluxe version track Untouchable.

Breathe

And we know it's never simple, never easy Never a clean break, no one here to save me You're the only thing I know like the back of my hand

This song is another one of the exceptionally gay and well-discussed Gaylor songs. Taylor again refers to someone she knows better than anyone, similar to the above friendship love theme.

In the song she says goodbye to someone who wasn’t quite her someone--which is very gay. She chooses to sing “feeling like I just lost a friend,” rather than saying she actually just lost a friend. Despite how Colbie Callait described the song--“ it's about having to let someone go and say goodbye to a really good friend”--it’s clear this was more than a platonic bud. This resonated strongly with my unspoken romance experiences and the unspoken “breakups” that followed. 

She references a variety of different reasons for this situation in the verses, none of which are concrete. The gentle “sorry” repetition at the end further complicates our murky understanding of what caused this separation. It reads to me like a meditation on the “maybe” & “later” world of closeted gays and the repercussions that has on their relationships. 

The Way I Loved You

In The Way I Loved You, Taylor compares her current love interest (a guy who is sensible, charming, endearing, and everyone else likes) to her past flame who made her feel everything all at once. (Please see this eloquent lyric analysis from @all-my-possessions for more about this phenomenon of Taylor comparing relationships with vague pronouns in a super queer way.)

Breakin' down and comin' undone It's a roller-coaster kinda rush And I never knew I could feel that much And that's the way I loved you

This song has an easy gay reading but is still strongly relevant for this bi woman. (That is to say, whether gay or bi Taylor might have felt this way. Despite eventually realizing that I was bi, for a while I felt like I was gay simply because liking guys often felt so forced and dull in comparison.) Discovering your affection for women is intoxicating, and actually being involved with one is addictive. If you have repressed your feelings for women then suddenly allow yourself to feel and express it, those feelings come on strong. Any other relationship seems just “comfortable.”

Add in the pressure of hiding as I felt the need to do and a young country musician definitely did, a young gay romance makes for an intense, even explosive, relationship like she describes in this song and references throughout the album (on Tell Me Why, You’re Not Sorry, and The Other Side of the Door).

(x) (x)  suggested further reading

Change

This powerful anthem is about the sense that the world will improve and we will get what we deserve. There were so many “walls” politically and socially preventing gay people from being themselves, especially in a conservative community like mine. When I was exhausted from hiding my feelings, lying, and listening to nasty comments about gay people, I would listen to Change and think about how we would knock those down and be free.  

You can walk away, say we don't need this But there's something in your eyes says we can beat this

These walls that they put up to hold us back will fall down This revolution, the time will come For us to finally win 

It always reminded me strongly of the gay rights and gay marriage movement I read about in the news. With each new setback, activists rallied and came back stronger. 

(Taylor sang  an emotional version of this on Rep tour.)

White Horse

I used to really mourn the loss of the white picket fence life my friends and family all expected for me. I figured as a queer woman that wouldn’t be in the cards for me, especially if/when my community found out and rejected me. (Luckily that has not been the case, but it seemed likely at the time.) 

I'm not a princess, this ain't a fairy tale

This song hit that sore spot, but it also reminded me there was a lot more of the world out there. The opinions of some people were small and easy to leave behind for other dreams.

This is a big world, that was a small town There in my rear view mirror disappearing now And its too late for you and your white horse to catch me now

I’m not the only one who saw a broader homosexual theme to this song.

SuperStar

I didn’t know this song from the platinum version growing up, but the lyrics focus on forbidden love. 👀 

This is wrong but I can't help but feel like There ain't nothing more right babe Misty morning comes again and I can't Help but wish I could see your face And I knew from the first note played I'd be breaking all my rules to see you

I would love to follow up with more from Speak Now and Red, but this post is long enough for now! I spent a lot of time compiling and organizing this. Thank you to @all-my-possessions and @kaydar for inspiring me with super thoughtful queer lyric analysis and to my friend for feedback. I hope this is helpful. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!

[sol1056]

Can you explain why LGBT representation is so important and why Voltron's negative portrayal of LGBT characters/rep should be scorned as harshly as it has been? I'm trying to prove a point to a friend and they don't get why representation has to be as important as we're making it.

Oh, this is a huge topic, and one I’m not sure I could do justice to, all by myself. Given that, this time I’ll let people speak for themselves. Anyone else reading (and I know a whole lot of you are out there) who’ve valued representation – regardless as to whether you relate to the character as a lived experience – feel free to add your thoughts, or links to any other articles, podcasts, or videos you’re recommend.

Fabricio Leal Cogo, Why Queer Representation Matters

I remember growing up here in Brazil and not seeing anyone like me portrayed on TV—or at least, not anyone with a similarly complex inner life. The few times I saw gays on TV, they were always a punchline in a comedy—a source of laughter. Many people, I’m sure, are probably thinking: It’s just a joke, right?

But representation matters.

It’s impossible to overstate the power of being able to identify with a public figure, particularly when that figure is actually seen in the fullest sense. As Michael Morgan, a former professor emeritus at the University of Massachusetts at Amherst and a researcher on media effects, told the Huffington Post earlier this year, “When you don’t see people like yourself, the message is: You’re invisible. The message is: You don’t count. And the message is: ‘There’s something wrong with me.’” He continued: “Over and over and over, week after week, month after month, year after year, it sends a very clear message, not only to members of those groups, but to members of other groups, as well.”

Uma Dodd, Queerbaiting And The Issue Of LGBT Representation In The Media:

Of the 125 movies released by major US studios in 2016, the media monitoring organisation GLAAD found that only 23 (18.4%) contained characters who identified as lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, or queer – an increase of less than 1% from the previous year. … It’s insulting, and often quite disheartening, to be told that you’re only worth the three lines of dialogue and five minutes of screen time that the one LGBT character in a film might have, just because of your sexuality or gender.

Queerbaiting relies solely on subtext and the subsequent interpretation of it by fans, and as a result, creates the perfect paradox: writers are able to attract an LGBT audience with vague promises of representation, implied by the text and often encouraged by the writer, but will then never actually confirm or explicitly show said representation, reducing the amount of effort that has to be put in on their part.

You may say that I’m blowing this issue out of proportion, but that too, is a part of the problem. Because queerbaiting is based on purely subtextual hints, any evidence of it, no matter how blatant it might seem to the viewer/reader, is often insubstantial and difficult to quantify. This allows writers and cast members to dismiss the anger of LGBT fans as simple overreaction and, as a result, makes any legitimate pleas for better representation easier to ignore.

Another by-product that has resulted out of increasing calls for better LGBT representation is implied representation. This is where writers will claim that a character is LGBT but never explicitly show this within the TV show, film, or novel.  This is a method which has been employed by many creators of famous franchises, and it allows them to insert that token bit of representation which makes them look good, without ever actually providing said representation explicitly … Not only does this result in LGBT characters, once again, being shoved into the background – and often killed off for shock value – it raises the question: is this kind of representation good enough?

…Whilst any representation of non-heteronormative characters is a good start, this way of representing us can’t be allowed to become the norm – we deserve to be explicitly shown in the media as much as anyone else does. We need better representation and we need to be shown that not all LGBT characters have to remain in the closet, because what kind of a message is that sending to those young people out there who are currently questioning their sexuality?

B. Whiteside, 6 Reasons It’s Important to Have LGBT Characters on Children’s TV Shows:

A recent study by the Williams Institute at UCLA revealed that nearly 6 million adults and children have an LGBT parent. There are more than 125,000 same-sex couple households with nearly 220,000 children under the age 18. These children go to school and are active members of their communities. Their identities and home life deserve to be portrayed and represented just as much as anyone else’s.

Being a child can be tough, especially when one can’t identify with anyone around them. There are children and young adults alike who identify as LGBT or have parents who do so. Having content that mirrors their lives can, in fact, save their own. It isn’t always easy for children to articulate what’s wrong or what they need. So it can be a tremendous help to see their favorite character in their same predicament live out their life and truth.

Aristeaus Sizer, We Need To Talk About LGBT Representation, Apparently:

…since Cinderella, there have been 11 Disney princesses. All of which have been heterosexual, and the majority of them married by the end of their film. There is no shortage of straight princesses in this world, so why would it be such a crime for one of them to be LGBTQ? If anyone is forcing any agenda down anybody’s throats, Mary, it is you and your heteronormative agenda.

As a heterosexual, and I don’t mean to patronise here it’s simply the truth, you cannot understand in full capacity how important representation is. Seeing yourself on screen in a genuine, non-caricature form is hugely validating. When I was a kid I thought being gay was like doing drugs, it was a fun choice you made when you wanted to spice things up, and that all came from the films I had seen and how sordid LGBTQ people were portrayed as being. Then, later on into my teenage years, I thought I’d never be able to show public displays of affection without violent repercussion. Again, this was because of the media I had consumed telling me this. Films and media may not dictate our personalities, but they tell us how much of it we should hide, and the implicit message when you have an entire franchise of heterosexuals is that anything other should be kept underground, out of sight.

…we’ve been everywhere for so long you’ve just never noticed. Primarily because every movie and every advert and every t.v show and every animated cartoon is packed to the brim with straight people. LGBTQ people deserve representation because there’s far more of us than you think. … To you, it’s just a gay Disney princess where there could have been another straight one, but to someone that princess is the validation they needed that they aren’t some abomination or sinful mistake. They’re valid, they’re wonderful, and they have every right to love and be loved.

Danielle Cox, The Importance of LGBT Representation in Media:

[In 2016, GLAAD’s annual] shows the highest percentage of LGBT characters on our televisions … [but] when more than twenty-five of those characters are killed off in the same year, we know there is still a lot of work to be done. In fact, GLAAD President and CEO Sarah Kate Ellis released a statement saying, “When the most repeated ending for a queer woman is violent death, producers must do better to question the reason for a character’s demise and what they are really communicating to the audience.” When this ending is repeated in show after show and character after character, we can’t help but think the message they are sending is about the worth of our LGBT characters or rather lack thereof. 

James Dawson, The importance of LGBT visibility in children’s books:

I was unaware gay people even existed and, when puberty hit, found myself more than a little lost. I so dearly wish there had been just one book with a character who was a bit like me – just a normal teenage guy who happened to be gay. I would have especially loved one whose sexuality did not define him.

I just know that had there been a diverse range of people like me in books when I was growing up, I wouldn’t have felt abnormal for all those years, which I see now, overwhelmingly, I am not. In 2014, it’s my hope that all young LGBT people can see themselves in fiction and recognise there is a place for them in the world.

Palmer Haasch, “Yuri!!! On Ice” and the importance of positive LGBTQ representation:

Despite my resigned certainty that I was about to be drawn in by the potential of a queer relationship only to be disappointed for the umpteenth time, Yuri!!! On Ice managed to exceed all of my expectations. In the end, the show delivered a thoughtful portrayal of two men developing a deep and trusting romantic relationship that provides LGBTQ viewers with representation of queer individuals being happy together above all else, which is something that we desperately need.

For me, it was the first piece of entertainment media I had seen that didn’t present queer individuals as “other,” but allowed them to simply freely love and exist. While watching, I didn’t have to worry about whether Yuuri or Victor would be outed in an unsafe environment or if Yuuri was going to be unfairly judged on the ice because of his sexuality like so many real life figure skaters have feared in the past. Rather, I fretted over when they were finally going to kiss (because really, it was a long time coming) and if I was ever going to get to see the wedding that was hinted at by their matching gold rings.

Although it is true that the discrimination-free world of Yuri!!! On Ice isn’t realistic (yet), it can help reassure queer individuals like me that they can experience love in the same way as anyone else. At the same time, it provides a glimpse of a future where being queer doesn’t mean being “other”. And that notion is something that I will always work towards and protect.

Additional reading:

Why Visibility Matters

Make Them Gay: Why Queer Representation Matters

Why LGBT Representation Is Important In Media

We Need More Than Visibility

Why It’s Important To Make More Diverse LGBT Films

Queer Representation in the Media

Why Television Needs More LGBT Characters

Importance of LGBT Representation

[shark-myths]

Way Down South

FOB has more than one song where the idea of running away from your life and yourself appears in the form of crossing the Southern border. Below the cut, I’ll present a queer reading of this recurring theme. Spoilers for the MANIA tour below.

I Don’t Care, 2008:

Erase myself and let go

Start it over again in Mexico

These friends, they don't love you

They just love the hotel suites, now

Here, Pete’s unhappiness is on display. He feels not like himself, he feels unseen and invisible by the people surrounding him. Notably, Folie-era tracks are pretty much the only time Pete has written angrily about friendship instead of writing about it as the most important, life-saving thing, a theme that has appeared since their first album. It reflects his complicated emotional state (the self-described drug store cowboy doing his damnedest not to survive his 27th year) and his turbulent relationship with the press at that time, with the celebrity life he found himself abruptly entered into. A lot of this numb voicelessness is present and painful in the promotional stuff he was doing in LA (alone) for Folie, like Fresh Only Bakery. The meaning is clear: he wants to get out. He wants to be someone else. As he told Out magazine in 2008, “Some days I wake up and I couldn’t be bothered at all. Some days you Google yourself and you can’t eat.”

 Caffeine Cold, 2013:

Now I smell like cigarettes cause I love to breathe your smoke

I smell like alcohol cause I drink to believe in more

I have 3 drinks before I even start to count

I think I'm gonna move way down south

 I HAVE EVERY FEELING ABOUT THIS SONG. “I smell like alcohol because I drink to believe in more” is incredibly evocative of the performance of queerness between him and Patrick during the aforementioned Era of Sadness—it sounds like getting drunk enough that you make yourself believe it means something. This lyric fits very well with the assumptions of Tryst Theory, especially the way they both had to pretend what they were doing meant nothing—that it was a one night stand, over and over and over again…

And here the lyric about moving down south is linked up with feeling monstrous (#relatable bisexual feelings) by the context of the song, and posed in the chorus almost a solution to the problem of the previous 3 lines. The problem of, how do I keep living this way? Drunk and as close to the flames as I can get without burning. How much longer will I care enough to stop myself from burning?

 Expensive Mistakes, 2017:

Don’t you know / there’s nothing more cruel than to be loved by everybody but you…

If I could get my shit together I’m gonna run away and never see any of you again Never see any of you again

Don’t you know / I hate all my friends, I miss the days when I pretended with you…

I trimmed together two verses to highlight what I think the song is expressing up there. Firstly, if we follow my previous shouty theory that Mania is a time-traveling album, drifting back through their eras and forward again (in the most PETERICKY MANNER POSSIBLE), this song is clearly located in the Folie era. The lines about hating his friends and himself, the feeling of isolation, the sonic elements of the song, and lyrics later in the song about self-medicating all point to 2008.

The lyrics pretty explicitly say how difficult it is to be apart from the person you love, to not be loved in return; they say how much he wants to go back and play pretend, a concept that comes up in other songs and supports Tryst Theory like wildfire. We have the bit about running away from his life and its hollowness and the legitimate horrors of the way the press treated him in 2008. But here’s the real reason this song is on here, the real reason I’m writing this post:

When they played the song in St Louis on the 2nd night of the tour, Pete introduced it by saying, “This is a song for those times when you just want to run away to Mexico.”

 Okay, here’s the final thing I want to present. In Out magazine in 2008, when discussing the rumor that Ashlee is just a beard, we have this:

‘But then he gets quiet, staring out over the hotel pool, and his voice is full of empathy. “I couldn’t imagine living a double life for this long,” he says. “(A) you would just get caught so bad. And (B), I would be in a car in that swimming pool right now. How do you not just do drugs and live in South America? It would make you crazy.”’

The desire to run away down south, then, is a cipher for this particular feeling: for the feeling he’s leading a double life, in love with his best friend, absolutely fucking suffering while locked in a cage match with his own queerness, speared upon intense body dysphoria (also discussed in the same interview—this is a great issue of Out, guys) and what he sadly describes as his “relentless heterosexual drive.” Pete once told NPR he wished he was gay. (That’s what I used to think-say-believe, when I was buried so deeply in the closet of compulsory heterosexuality and body dysphoria that even I thought I was tragically heterosexual. Just sayin’.)

Tune in ??? for more lyrics meta