#BECAUSE AS FAR AS I KNOW THE ONLY REASON HED USE IT ON MIKE IS IF HE THOUGHT MIEK WAS GOING TO DIE

[computerpeople]

literally everyone in the games: WOAH CAN YOU BELIEVE THAT KID SURVIVED?!

50% of the fandom: ....and then he died and became golden freddy OOOOHHHH I GET ITTTT matpat youre so smart

[just-for-cal]

She’s Jealous - [c.h]

word count: 2885 warnings: swearing summary: (y/n) reads some thirst tweets and gets a bit frustrated

(y/n) loved Calum, she always did and it’s likely that she always will.  Especially when she never plans to never act on these feelings.

So it felt unfair to her that she was getting so upset scrolling through Twitter.  Dozens upon dozens of fans thirsting over him.  The other boys too, but she only had narrowed eyes at the comments directed towards Calum.

“Whatcha lookin’ at?” Luke threw himself over the back of the sofa she was sat on, scooting close to her and looking onto her phone.  

The first thing he saw being an all caps message about Ashton’s arms, and something about choking.

“Jesus love, into Ash now are we?” He chuckled, but (y/n) glared at him.  “Alright, not in the mood for funny” Luke muttered to himself.

“Have you seen all these?” She asked him in a quiet voice, eyes still trained on her phone as she scrolled.

“Thirst tweets? I look sometimes, some of them are kinda funny”

(y/n) simply hummed, clearly that wasn’t the answer she was looking for.

“What’s got you all worked up? I thought you’d be agreeing with some of ‘em” Luke jabbed (y/n’s) side with his elbow, and she tried to force a smile, but her nerves seeped through.

“Everyone’s just so… so into him,” She explained, and before she could keep reading, Luke took her phone, and closed the app.  “I feel like maybe it diminishes my chances even further”

“Your chances? Please, (y/n/n), you’ve got the biggest head start of all chances, it’s less of a chance more of a, eh, hundred percent guarantee”

The girl just rolled her eyes at Luke’s words.  He always tried to convince her of how he thought Calum returned her feelings, but she never felt that way.  He always seemed glued to their platonic relationship, so she never acted on the feelings she’d harbored for so long.

“I’m not kiddin’ babe,” Luke told her.  “Ya should hear what he says about you when you’re not around, he loves to talk about you”

(y/n) blushed, but she still shook her head and took her phone back from his hands.

“Thanks, Luke,” She sighed, and smoothed out her skirt before standing.  “Are you coming out tonight?”

“Yeah I’ll tag along,” He said and stood up with her, outstretching his arms.  (y/n) chuckled quietly, stepping into his arms and letting him hug her tight.  “Besides, I'm already all done up, can’t cancel now”

She was laughing when she pulled away, smiling to see he has in fact put on a shimmery eyeshadow to change up his usual leather jacket and jeans look.  Even going so far as to put on his heeled boots.

When she looked away, Calum was coming down the stairs, but he stopped at the bottom and just stared at her.  He looked frozen, lips parted, eyes set on her.  (y/n) crinkled her brows as though to silently ask if he was alright.  

“Wow,” He mumbled, finally walking over to her and his best friend.  She still looked confused.  “You look amazin’ sunshine”

“Oh,” She chuckled nervously, ducking her head down and pushing her hair behind her ear.  Luke rolled his eyes and left the room, unable to handle all the pent up tension that had filled it.  “You had me worried there for a sec”

Calum grinned at her, this girl he’d had in his life now for a few years and couldn’t ever get a long enough look at.  She was blushing under his gaze, and it only made him smile more.

“You ready for dinner?” He asked, and she nodded, letting him guide her to the front door.

Luke was there waiting, looking at his phone and chuckling to himself.  Mike and Ashton were planning to meet them at the restaurant, and we’re probably already there.

“What’s so funny?” Calum asked, and Luke showed him he was on Twitter.

“These thirst tweets about you, they're hilarious”

Calum blinked in surprise, not having expected that response, at all, and looked to (y/n) with raised brows before back at Luke.

“Why...?”

“Cause she was lookin’ at ‘em earlier, and I wanted to know what the big deal was.  These are great!”

Calum looked at (y/n) again, a smirk on his lips to know that she’d read thirst tweets about him.  But before he could make a cocky comment, Luke spoke up again.

“(y/n/n) you’re in this one,” Luke snickered as he read one, and then proceeded to read it out loud.  “It’s a retweet of a pic of Calum, zoomed in on his thighs, and it says ‘@(your handle) sure is one lucky chick, i bet @CalumHood lets her ride his thighs whenever she wants’ can you believe that?”

If she hadn’t been blushing before, she certainly was now.

Luke was laughing his ass off, all the while (y/n) avoided looking directly at Calum, who was staring at her.

“Alright, on that note, let's get going,” Cal suggested, letting Luke out so he could walk with (y/n), his hand resting on the small of her back.  When she looked up at him, he leaned a bit closer.  “We’ll talk about why you were reading thirst tweets about me later” He told her quietly.

(y/n) winced.

Dinner went by well, besides the fact that Calum had his arm slung around the booth behind (y/n’s) shoulder, his fingertips grazing her shoulder every now and then.  But no one said anything about it.

“So, (y/n/n), you comin’ back to the house after dinner?” Ash asked.  She began to shake her head, but Calum spoke up for her.

“Yeah, we’re all gonna chill back at the house,” He said, his hand caressing softly over her shoulder now.  “Probably watch a movie or something if that sounds good to you guys?”

“Yeah that sounds great” Ashton agreed.

While the other boys proceeded out of the booth to head to the car, (y/n) shot Calum a look.

“What are you doing? I can’t hang out tonight, I have class in the morning, that’s why we did dinner instead-“

“That’s really too bad, love, because you and I need to have a bit of a talk, don’t we?”

She raised her brows at his bold comment, but didn’t argue with him again.  Simply followed next to him out of the restaurant.

She continued to stare at him, waiting for him to give her some sort of sign of what was going on in his head.  Clearly something had happened, but he wasn’t budging at all.  The only sliver of a sign he offered was pulling her in close to him when they got in the back of Luke’s car.  Which only made (y/n) more anxious for answers, because it was now obvious to Luke that something was up.

Ash and Mike were already at the house when Luke pulled in, and everyone went in together, deciding on drinks and just hanging out and chatting.  (y/n) didn’t understand why Calum needed her to stick around for this, but she wasn’t going to question him in front of everyone.

She was sat curled up on one end of the sofa, and surprisingly, it was Ashton next to her, not Calum.  And Luke on the other side of Ashton.

Calum was in his own seat in a recliner, sat upright and solid, completely isolated from the group.  Michael was also sat alone in a similar chair, but still made the effort to join in on the laughter and conversation.

At this point, (y/n) was not only confused, but a little pissed off.

She took a long swig of her beer, gave Calum a pointed look, and then excused herself to the kitchen for another drink.  Where she waited for him to show up just seconds later.

“You alright love?” He asked as he strolled into the kitchen, words sweet, but voice cocky.  (y/n) crossed her arms as she leaned back against the counter.

“What the hell is up with you? You drag me back here with the guys because you need to talk to me, and then ignore me, when you know I shouldn’t even be here in the first place-”

“Babe,” Calum cut off her irritated rambling, and she gawked a bit at the pet name, but before she could continue, he took a large stride forward, practically caging her in against the kitchen counter.  “Why are you so upset?” He asked, feigning concern as he leaned in even closer to her.  His lips brushed the shell of her ear as he spoke again, hands on either side of her on the counter, now actually keeping her their against him.  “Why are you so tense, angel?”

(y/n) pushed herself further back into the counter, trying to put some space between their bodies as their eyes met again.  There was a coy smirk on his lips, telling her he knew exactly what he was doing, messing with her like this.

“Was it all those tweets you were reading, babe?” He asked, and she liked her lips, suddenly they felt very dry.  Calum chuckled as he caught the action.  “I knew it”

“What do you think you’re doing?” She asked him breathlessly.

“Didn’t you want to have that talk now? That is why you wanted me to follow you in here isn’t it?” Calum asked, and the irritation in her eyes dissipated into something else he recognized all too well, just not so much on her.  

Lust.

“Did all those thirst tweets from random girls make you a bit jealous baby?” He cooed, hands finding her hips and sliding just a bit under the hem of her shirt, just enough to run the rough pads of his fingers over her skin.  He cocked an eyebrow at her, telling her he was impatient for her answer.

“Maybe,” She murmured out, unable to find her voice due to his distracting touch.  “Just a little bit”

“Really?” Calum chuckled, letting one of his hands trail from her waist to cup just under her jaw, pulling her in closer.  He was leaning over considerably by reason of their height difference.  “I can tell when you lie (y/n), we’ve been friends for years” His ring clad fingers ran delicately down her throat.

When he leaned forward, her eyes fell shut, and a chill ran down her spine as his lips brushed over hers.  It almost seemed unintentional, but (y/n) knew full well that Calum was in absolute control of what he was doing.

“We should get back to our friends before they come looking for us” Calum practically muttered into her mouth, stepping back a bit to leave the room.

Before he could, her small hands grasped the collar of his leather jacket, pulling him back in against her and connecting their lips in a desperate and passionate kiss.  Like her life depended on it, she’d never thought twice about kissing him, she just knew that she needed to before he could leave.

Calum reacted immediately, kissing her back with fervor, his hands setting back on her hips so he could lift her up and set her on the counter.  Her skirt rode up a bit, but she didn’t have a care about it.  Their kiss broke for a moment as she readjusted to be comfortable, but he didn’t let her do much before tugging her right back into his chest, neck craning down to meet her lips again in a fiery kiss.  She tasted of alcohol and her strawberry chapstick and he was addicted to it upon contact, each kiss more desperate than the last, until she was panting against him in silent plea for more.

“Cal,” She murmured his name out softly as he hiked her legs up his hips, so that he could run his hands under her bare thighs and hold her securely against him.  He trailed a few kisses along her jaw, making her tilt her head back in bliss.

He pulled away, eyes flickering over her features and taking a moment to fully appreciate her in this state.  Her eyes were shut, long lashes casting small shadows over her cheekbones.  Lips swollen and pink because of him.  She looked like a piece of art like this.

(y/n’s) eyes opened when she realized he wasn’t about to kiss her again, and a blush settled on her cheeks as she found him staring at her.  She bit down on her bottom lip to keep from smiling too wide and looking like a dork.

“What?” She murmured after he’d just stared for long enough.  Calum shook his head, smiling one of his infamously happy grins, his eyes crinkling and his teeth on display as he looked at her.

“I just love you so damn much, I don’t know why you’d ever be jealous of a stranger, angel” He murmured, a hand cupping her cheek.  She wasn’t sure how he’d gone from irresistibly sexy to adorable and sweet in a matter of seconds, but it didn’t matter, because her heart was swelling beyond maximum capacity and the smile she’d tried to hold back broke free.

“You love me?” She asked, even though he’d said to her clear as day, she needed to know that her mind wasn’t playing tricks on her right now.

“Course I do sunshine, you’re my best girl, always have been” He said, shrugging his shoulder and cocking his head to the side.  (y/n) smiled at him, her hands finally releasing their death grip on his collar to take his face in her small palms, gently guiding him down to kiss his lips softly.  Gentle, and pure, and sweet.

She kept her forehead pressed against his, her hands still holding him close even as their lips parted.

“That’s how I should’ve kissed you the first time,” She whispered to him.  “After a date, all nervous like”

Calum chuckled softly, his hands taking her own and his lips brushing the back of them both before cupping her face in his hands, and kissing her sweetly, as she did him.

“I love you too,” She murmured between small kisses.  “I love you too” She repeated, their noses bumping a bit as their lips met again in a slightly more sloppy kiss.

“Hey where’s the- woah hey!”

Calum and (y/n) pulled apart upon hearing Michael’s surprised words from what he’d walked in on.  The bassist swiftly pulled down her skirt from where it had ridden up pretty high on her thighs, and gave his friend an awkward nod of acknowledgement.

“Guys! They finally did it!” Michael hollered into the living room.

(y/n) sighed, giving Calum a bashful and apologetic look before she slid off the counter she’d been sitting on.  Luke and Ashton came rushing in, one with his arms up in cheers, and the other staring wide eyed and gawking just at the close proximity of Calum and (y/n).

“It’s February, you guys owe me twenty, I guessed the closest!” Luke hollered at the other two.

“You bet on us?” (y/n) asked.

“Luke, you guessed January, it doesn’t count ‘cause it passed.  Ash wins, he guessed May” Michael ignored (y/n’s) comment, while fumbling for his wallet to pay Ashton.

“But I was closest,” Luke argued.  “Doesn’t matter if it happened past my guess, my guess was still closest-”

“Hold on, hold on,” Calum spoke up, taking the twenty dollar bill from Michael before Ashton, or Luke, could.  “You guys are not paying each other over (y/n) and I getting together”

“We’re together?” (y/n) asked softly from next to him.

“Course we are baby,” Calum winked over at her.  “If you’ll have me, but give me a moment,” He turned back to his friends, holding up the money.  “(y/n/n’s) got classes in the morning, so we are taking this, I’m taking her home, and we’re using your money to get her breakfast for the morning”

“Fine,” Luke muttered.  “Congratulations by the way, I knew you two would crack”

“Crack?” Calum muttered, but shook his head, deciding he didn’t want much more of an explanation.  “Okay, we’re gonna head out, ready?” He asked (y/n), who nodded and took his offered hand so he’d lead her out of the house.

“Don’t forget to carry the bride over the threshold!” Luke hollered before they could be out of earshot.

Calum turned to (y/n), squeezing her hand and kissing her temple.

“When’s your last class tomorrow?” He asked, and she thought for a moment.

“I should be finished up by two,” She answered.  “Why, you free?”

He giggled, actually giggled at her response, and nodded his head.

“I say we go on that date you were talking about earlier,” He suggested, opening the passenger door of the car for her.  She hummed and got in, Cal quickly closing the door and getting in on the driver’s side.  “Well? Am I taking you out tomorrow?” He asked, and she grinned, nodding and leaning over the center console to meet his lips in a kiss.

“You sure as hell are” She agreed, and Calum grinned before kissing her again.

They should have done this long ago.

xoxo ~ jordie

[viralhottopics]

Newsflash: the BBC dad is not the devil, and his wild kids rule.

Ughhhhh, why cant anything on the internet just be fun anymore?

Youve probably seen the amazing video that went viral this morning of a mans appearance on BBC being interrupted by his two hilarious children. It is pretty much the only good thing to happen on the internet in ages, and in this era of constant bad news we desperately need it. We need it so badly.

walk into the club like http://pic.twitter.com/Dp4rcdI0pj

Valerie Loftus (@valerieloftus) March 10, 2017

We did get a few moments to savor the sheer joy over the goofiness of it all. THAT GIRL. THAT BADASS BABY ROLLING IN. It is all just. so. perfect.

And then it happened: Twitter’s sizable naysayer community woke up and started to grumble. They began to conclude that the dad reacted badly to this jubilant interruption and was among the worst fathers of all time.

That BBC interview clip would be hilarious, except for little girl getting pushed in the face&fact that her dad’s CV reads like a spook’s…

EconinPublic (@SA_public_econ) March 10, 2017

Everyone laughing at these kids interrupting their dad on BBC one but I ain’t laughing about the way the eldest was pushed and pulled about

Abigail Wells (@Gailz96) March 10, 2017

if you find bbc dad cute you probably need 15 years of psychoanalysis.

leni (@lenikdot) March 10, 2017

The more the day goes on, the more BBC Dad is pissing me off

kika (@QueenKika) March 10, 2017

That poor kid in the BBC interview. First pushed away by the dad and then the mum/nanny just drags the kid out!

Elle (@Ellewurm) March 10, 2017

Hmm. Sure it would have been cool if hed pulled her on his lap and rolled with it. But in fairness, the dude was probably super nervous. A heroic mom recently managed to breastfeed her baby while doing a similar TV segment and didnt bat an eye when her baby reached up into the frame. But not everyone is as cool under pressure.

BBC Dad turned into Squidward in this moment http://pic.twitter.com/GtFtTDMe3q

Mike T (@majtague) March 10, 2017

Also let us consider the very real possibility that Robert E. Kelly (sadly his legal name is not actually “BBC Dad”) couldnt move because he didn’t have any pants on under the desk?

Real story of bungled BBC interview is that, like everyone else who has Skyped an interview, he wasnt wearing pants. Couldnt stand up.

T. Becket Adams (@BecketAdams) March 10, 2017

Some have gone so far as to say the video is not funny because its the patriarchy in action. By dismissing the kids so casually he somehow telescoped the notion that it was his wifes responsibility to deal with them and therefore down with all men, etc. etc.

*Backs slowly away from fiery hot take to avoid getting eyebrows scorched off*

Honestly, we have no idea what kind of child-minding arrangement these two had set up in advance of his appearance. He was working after all, and there’s nothing wrong with asking your partner to help you pull off a few moments of quiet for professional reasons.

Also he didnt necessarily know his wife was going to come rushing in to save him. Though you have to hand it to her for some seriously stealth kiddo-wrangling.

Thank goodness some people managed to keep their senses of humor about them as Twitter worked quickly to divide itself into tidy pro- and anti-dad camps.

“BBC Dad held hostage as toddler and baby accomplice go on rampage” http://pic.twitter.com/NiBnRrINRc

Savannah L. Barker (@savannah_lb) March 10, 2017

The whole internet loves the BBC pundit kid video! *5 seconds later* We regret to inform you the baby is racist

david (@davdius) March 10, 2017

turns out one of the babies in the BBC dad video has a criminal record. Shocking turn of events imo

Bergnal Equinox (@BergoEsBueno) March 10, 2017

when your 3rd eye opens and you realize the mass media only serves to promote hegemonic masculine oppression and capitalist state violence http://pic.twitter.com/MeqQqVAzsa

Ryan Broderick (@broderick) March 10, 2017

OK. Let’s all take a few cleansing breaths and try not to read too much into this situation.

As anyone who has ever spent any time around children knows: they’re unpredictable. It’s also impossible to know how you’ll react when they do whatever crazy thing you’ve expressly told them not to do two minutes before. You’ve just got to do your best not to flip out in the moment.

The bottom line is that this dad just learned the hard way that if you really want to keep kids from barging into your home office, you need to childproof that door.

It was thirty seconds of relatable content for anyone who has worked from home or trying to impress on a call and all hell breaks loose

jump for your love (@JodiesJumpsuit) March 10, 2017

Regardless of what you think of the dad/the patriarchy/the excruciating pain of human existence, I think we can all agree that this little girl f*cking rules. Shes the most lovable tiny lady in yellow since cotton candy girl.

Took me all morning but I finally figured out who the little BBC girl reminds me of. http://pic.twitter.com/TUhnk1LaCj

Madison M. K. (@4evrmalone) March 10, 2017

So sit back and just enjoy it. Something actually terrible and upsetting will come along any minute now.

WATCH: Watch Joe Biden get snubbed by a baby

Read more: http://on.mash.to/2mV8GLP

from Newsflash: the BBC dad is not the devil, and his wild kids rule.