Criminal Minds s01e16 The Tribe review
Episode 16 – The Tribe
Okay, this episode’s name is kind of vague. Do they mean wolves? Native Americans? Gangsters? What?
Set in Terra Mesa, New Mexico … so Native Americans.
I love the music.
Ooh, house party with clearly only one purpose. I mean, talk about romantic ambiance.
Damn, that girl has a fine ass.
So we just heard the unsubs, that’s new.
And of course a blonde hottie is kidnapped. It’s like duh-101.
Come on, two people making out on the carpet won’t pay attention to anything xcept what’s going on in their pants.
And why was that guy stabbed? What the fuck?
Back to the BAU in Virginia.
Oh my god, I love Penelope!!!!!! I love her confidence. It’s like – well, hello, hottie! You, hold my shit, I’ve got a hottie to pursue. Dang man.
But I agree, that guy can hit my radar any time.
Wait what, that’s Hotchner’s brother? Damn man.
Sean Hotchner. Yummy.
But Derek is yummier.
So he decided he wants to work in the restaurant business, what’s wrong with that, Hotchner? But seriously, you should be happy for your brother.
Oh god, the three girls drooling over Sean is the hottest thing ever.
And yeah, who profiles their own brother? Come on, Aaron.
Whoa, five teenagers. One impaled on a pole made of wood? Yikes.
So they’re searching for a pack. Still not sure if it’s wolves or people. Haha. Kidding, I know it’s people.
Damn you fuckers, make Kirsten a regular.
Friedrich Nietzsche: “The individual has always had to struggle to keep from being overwhelmed by the tribe.” I know that’s right, you German genius.
Oh, she’s been upgraded to “also starring” instead of “guest starring” impressive.
Completely skinned and so little blood. Lovely. Just yuck.
Oh god, skinned alive? Why? What the fuck is wrong with you?
Oh so it was an orgy night. Hot.
Wait, it has to do something with Native American rituals? Oh that’s nasty. Thanks for the info, Reid.
So the court ruled that they can buy lands from the Apache, they become greedy and want to buy off whatever the Apache have left? Asshats.
Benjamin Black-Wolf. I love that name.
Indian activist. Really? You had to use the I-word?
And he’s the reservation police, I love it. Hahah they’re gonna have their work cut out for them.
Wow, she’s really protective of John. But it’s just to talk, lady, nothing is confirmed.
“Does anyone know the last tribe to surrender to the American government?” Reid of course knows the answer. Lol.
“Does anybody know the name of the last leader of the Apaches?” Reid mouthing ‘Geronimo’ hahaha I love you so much. But that kid is good, too.
Oh Reid, and Aaron is like “Is your name Samuel?” and Reid is all contrite for taking that kid’s thunder.
Oh god, to Gideon “you look like a college professor” to Reid, “you look like his student.” Wow, you’re on fire, Black Wolf, to Hotchner, “you look like an FBI agent.” Oh lord, I love this man.
You know, tracking is slightly different than profiling dirt, Hotchner, come on, dude, don’t be so cynical just cuz Black Wolf said the American government is more proficient in massacres, you know it’s kind of true.
Oh snap, Black Wolf totally profiled Hotchner, bam said the lady.
And Gideon is wearing a beanie. I love this episode already.
Eight unsubs? One hostage? Dang man that is seriously messed up.
“To the Apache killing, unless absolutely necessary, is a sign of stupidity and weakness.” Dude, those are some strong, amazing words.
Well, yeah, if the crime scene had many signs of different Native American tribe signs it’s kind of obvious that the person had a vast knowledge and/or was trying to frame the tribes. I mean, that’s kind of a given.
And I love it when they put a scene behind the actors and it’s so obvious that it’s a green screen but nobody cares because the show is that amazing. Love it. Especially when Shemar does it.
Hey, I love his voice, but why make him go away?
Ignorant white officer assuming it’s Indians … asshole.
ADU – American Defense Unit, funded by a private man? Sounds fishy to begin with.
God, that is the most racist son of a bitch they ever displayed on the series so far.
Oh god, quoting the 2nd amendment from the Constitution, the Right to Bear Arms, as a reason to hold 450 guns as a private defense group? That is definitely racist, cuz there is no way the Native Americans are behind this and he’s a stupid ass.
Wait, he’s filing a lawsuit against the construction of the Apache lands? Goddamnit.
Wow, that was one clean-cut conversation between Derek and Penelope, that was weird.
Her dad looks strangely calm for having his daughter kidnapped.
A caller about Ingrid, probably the two dummies who have her, are calling the FBI and don’t want the dad to know they’re calling? Oh this is beyond suspicious.
Wait. Hold up. The dad paid those two to kidnap his own daughter? Is he completely off the reservoir? What the fuck?
She looks demented.
Oh wow. I think I just saw Hotchner snap for the first time. But yeah, it’s very fishy that he had his daughter kidnapped and then a second later all those kids were butchered. I mean, damn, this doesn’t look good at all.
So we don’t get to hear the cute exchanged between Derek and Garcia this episode, and Reid is taking on the victim on his own.
Why is that girl only repeating her name and social security number? She looks so doped up.
Well, she used to be catatonic since they picked her up, but it’s still so weird.
Also, turns out she was supposed to be in school and wasn’t enrolled for the past year and vacated her campus apartment. Ruh-roh. I smell cult.
And Hotchner just suspected the same thing. I love you, baby.
Did I just see a guy pull out a knife and advance on a house that is being observed? Oh boy.
Lovely, more victims. Ugh.
Oh, the cop is also butchered. Okay, now it makes slightly more sense.
Oh I love it when they try to goad the unsub into confessing. But come on, there is a fine line between trying to keep your daughter close and trying to kidnap her because she joined a cult. That is a big stretch.
The cult leader calls himself Grandfather. Oh god. This is seriously messed up. Personally I could never understand how people can form cults and just be brainwashed by a certain idea. I’m not saying it’s not possible and doesn’t exist, I just don’t get it.
Why is that cop manhandling that girl like crazy? That is so messed up. I mean, I get it, she’s in a cult, but she’s a kid.
And she looks totally out of it, man, like she huffed glue or something.
She knows who Black Wolf is? Okay.
Wow, she’s totally unfazed by the blood. It’s beyond scary.
What? Oh god, she is just spouting random bits of information at him convinced that what she’s saying is true and I’m just like, you are brainwashed child, someone needs to slap you into your right mind. And I’m looking at John’s face right now and he’s like ‘damn, this chica is loca.’
Oh god she is totally hopeless.
They made her go into the desert to earn the right to be blessed by fictitious demons as an Apache? Oh boy.
Oh god that Jack Kelly is freaking me out, man.
Hunting? What the fuck does that mean, Jack?
Oh so he’s a fucking religious sociopath who decided to hone in on the Apache. Ugh.
Ugh, that kid is seriously delusional for thinking he is Apache. I mean, for reals? Oh, he’s a racist. That’s awesome. I love you Black Wolf.
He doesn’t need a gun? Well, they are at a school, so I guess Black Wolf has a reason.
“Just so you know, you sound like a fortune cookie,” oh my god I love you Hotchner, beyond all measure. Oh my goodness I am completely in love with this show.
Oh crap, those assholes are seriously entering a school with shotguns? Fuck!
Yay! One for Hotch!
Make that two for Hotch!
One for Black Wolf!
Two for Black Wolf?
Wow, that stupid ass doesn’t give up.
Ooh, Hotch’s catch is also giving up a good fight.
Yay! Three for Hotch!
Oh snap, that was a brutal blow!
Two for Black Wolf!
Oh wow! Four for Hotch!
Well, yeah, I mean, they were about to shoot you, dumbass, so Hotch had to shoot.
Oh, the kids weren’t even in the building? Sweet!
Awwww a jukebox! And double aww cuz Aaron went to see his brother and give him his blessing cuz that’s what brothers do and I love Hotch forever.
Okay, so this review is slightly longer than its predecessors, but that’s only cuz it gave me tons of opportunities to rant about racism. Really hated the unsubs in this scenario, cuz racism is so poignant and relevant at all times that it makes me so sad. Overall? Amazing episode! Was sad that there was no sassy Penelope/Derek interaction, but I hope they compensate for that next time.
See you next time, lovelies!
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