#BUT THEN ENZO HAD TO COME AND SHOW THE HECK UP

[anxiousnerdwritings]

Muggleborn!Dursley!Reader introduces Blaise Zabini to video games during the summer they spent together at 4 Privet Drive when Mrs. Zabini was on yet another honeymoon

I personally don’t think the Zabini’s are blood purist. I feel like they’re a more sophisticated version of Horace Slughorn who collects talented and well connected people.

Yesss!! First, I wanna say I’m really loving the Blaise x Muggleborn!Dursley!Reader dynamic! I honestly really just love the idea of Dursley!Reader with the whole Slytherin crew in general (Mattheo and Enzo included). And just them all being overprotective and possessive of their Muggleborn!darling, platonic or romantic. Especially someone so closely related to Harry cause you know it gets an irate reaction from him.

I love to imagine that Blaise and Dursley!Reader had so much fun with one another during their summer together. The Reader is just so happy and excited to show their classmate/housemate muggle stuff, meanwhile Blaise is honestly just happy and content seeing them so excited and open to share parts of their life outside of school with him.

Like, I could see the Reader having persuaded Petunia and Vernon into taking them all to the zoo, or the movies, or a museum. Heck, even to just drop them off at a muggle park. If Petunia and or Vernon wouldn’t take them then Blaise would just have his Squib driver take them instead. Harry of course is coming along whether he’s welcome to or not, meanwhile Dudley is too freaked out to/being kept back by Vernon, not to mention both Blaise and Harry make it pretty clear that he isn’t invited either way.

Dursley!Reader would have totally taught Blaise to play video games. They even go as far as gifting him one of Dudley’s old gaming systems or gameboys that fortunately still works. At first they lended it to him during his stay so they could play together but when the day comes for him to leave back home, the Reader tells him to keep it if he wants. And when I say that Blaise would treasure it, I fucking mean it. That boy would play it all the time back home and his mom probably wouldn’t even bat an eye at it or she just tells him to make sure none of the other purebloods see him with it, not like they’ll know what exactly it is. Even at school, Blaise would find a way to sneak playing on it. Hell, he’d honestly end up playing it out in the open not caring too much about what anyone says or thinks.

I can’t help but imagine Blaise’s reaction to either having used the gameboy so much that it stops working or because it’s an older one it just stops working one day. I could see him kind of freaking out and inwardly panicking at first, like oh shit he broke the first and so far only gift that his darling’s ever given him. He would spend so much time trying to figure how to fix it by hand before he realizes he could just use magic to do something about it. I could even see him reaching out to some of the professors to fix it if he was really desperate enough. Like, I imagine him just laying it in front of Snape one day after class and neither of them saying anything, only having a conversation with looks before Snape sighs and takes it, later returning it completely fixed to Blaise in the common room or the next time he’s in potions class.

[mostlylurkinbarelypostin]

Hopper Threatening Mike

Something that I think about all the time is what the heck Hopper threatened Mike with in the first episode of season 3.

Hopper tells Joyce he had to “improvise a little bit” when he tells her about the heart-to-heart. Well you know where else we see the word improvise pop up? When he mows down 4 Russians in the last episode. He literally kills 4 people, says “I’m improvising”, and then puts on a Russian uniform. Murray tries to handle the situation calmly at first but that lasts like 5 seconds, which is about how long it took Hopper to lose his patience with Mike while attempting the heart-to-heart.

According to Mike, Hopper didn’t threaten him with death so what else could be so bad? I don’t know but I think it has to do with Will. When Mike says the words “he threatened me,” the shot we see is of Will setting up the DnD board. This might not mean much on its own but then we have the Karen/Billy and Mike/El parallel.

The Pool Storage Parallel:

We get two scenes that happen in the pool storage room. The first one is Karen explaining to Billy why she didn’t meet him at the Motel pool. She tells him that she has a family and can’t do anything that would hurt them. What made her change her mind and not cheat? Seeing Ted sleeping on the couch with Holly. And what’s Ted wearing? A shirt that is stupidly similar to the one Will is wearing during his and Mike’s movie date.

The scene of Karen and Billy also comes directly after the scene in which Max tells El to dump Mike if he doesn’t explain himself. In the immediate next scene, we have Karen saying “I want to explain…” to Billy.

So explanations happen in the pool storage room. Just like his mom, Mike goes into the storage room to explain why he didn’t show up as planned. He tells El that Hopper made him lie, however he doesn’t say much more, just that he said they’re spending too much time together. This is a pretty garbage explanation though and we still don’t know exactly why Mike lied. Even Lucas questions why Mike did it.

If these parallels means what I think they do, Will is the “family” that Mike doesn’t want to hurt, and is the reason he had to lie. So what was the threat? I highly doubt it’s something as simple as Hopper threatening Mike with not letting him see El anymore if he doesn’t back off a bit cause 1. that wouldn’t work considering El has legit superpowers 2. that’s too basic of an explanation to warrant keeping the details of Mike and Hopper’s conversation a secret (they even remind you that we don’t know all the details when Hopper makes plans to tell Joyce about it at Enzo’s, which of course doesn’t end up happening) 3. they put way too much effort into the parallels for there not to be more there.

I don’t know exactly what I’m trying to imply. Maybe Hopper has witnessed the way Mike splits his time between El and Will and sees right through him. I mean he did witness the shed monologue and saw how disinterested Mike was in kissing El in season 2. Does he think Mike is using El?? I don’t know. I know Hop is just like Mike and wants El to himself but there’s just gotta be more here.

Would love to hear your thoughts! 😛

[thenewnio]

Fantasia Knights funny moments from my favorite episodes

Lucky, Lucky Snake

Think Kaa is safe from being put through the wringer as a human? Think again.

Enzo: (to Human!Kaa, who is sprawled on the ground, unconscious) You okay there, buddy?

Birds of a Feather

This exchange, after they save Iago from the angry merchant:

Iago: Who are you guys?

Taylor: (gently) We’ve come to save you. Come with us…

(A beat, before Iago abruptly flies off)

Iago: Don’t talk ta me wit’ that voice!

Enzo: (shit-eating grin) A bird just rejected you, dude.

Genie’s first appearance, when he flies into the room and jubilantly hugs Kian, mistaking him for Aladdin. At one point he asks, “Hey Al, did you get shorter?”

“We’ve got a slight problem: Aladdin and Iago swapped species, so Al’s now a blue macaw, and Iago’s… the cutest thing you’ve ever seen.”

Iago: I AINT’ CUTE!

“BY THE POWERS THAT BE, I COMMAND YOU TO RETURN TO NORMAL!!!”

Human!Iago taking advantage of his situation while passing himself off as Jasmine’s brother. And it is amazing.

Iago: Ya might wanna be a bit nicer to me, considering the fact that I AM THE ONE IN CHARGE!

“YOU FOOL!”

Iago assumes that, because he’s a human now, he can approach Rajah without getting pounced on, as he attempts to secretly sic him on a stuck-up young caliph. However, Rajah knows who the red-haired boy is. No points for guessing how that turns out.

Iago: (to the caliph while noticeably battered) You win this round, bub.

Iago’s rant as he starts angrily stripping off the “royal” outfit Genie zapped up for him: “A dog show is where I DRAW THE LINE!”

And said “princely” outfit is what Human!Iago wore in the Broadway musical of Aladdin.

And Iago is wearing those clothes over what he was wearing when he became human.

This gem:

Enzo: YO, BIRD BOY!

Iago: WHAT?! (Realizes he just gave away his location to the Knights)

And immediately afterward Enzo tackles him like a football player.

“Words of wisdom” from Iago:

Iago: Sometimes, you just gotta run like heck from your problems.

The entire chase through the bazaar to rescue Iago from Muge’s mooks. Highlights include:

The burning fireworks cart.

The food merchant behind them ignoring the scene right in front of him and going on with his job. Obviously, this type of thing happens quite often in Agrabah.

Once Genie is called upon, things really get hysterical. The faces on Muge’s servants add to the hilarity.

Muge, as it turns out, is not happy upon learning that her retainers have kidnapped Iago.

Turan: Now, which is worse? Inconveniencing Agrabah, or dying alone and single?

Muge: KIDNAPPING THE PRINCESS’S BROTHER, YOU MORONS!

And in the background, Iago is trying unsuccessfully to free himself from the sack he’s been tied up in from the neck down, to no success. At one point, he tries chewing through the ropes, only to stop when he almost accidentally strangles himself.

An exasperated Iago desperately confessing that he’s not actually Jasmine’s brother, but a parrot. Muge’s disbelieving reaction is priceless.

“Wait, there’s more! I’M SCUM! I once had a psychopath boss, I gamble at the Nest Egg, I ALREADY GOT A GIRL IN THE RAINFOREST!!!”

“TEN THOUSAND YEARS OF AGONY UPON YE!!!” (Ass Shove) “Oops.”

Where the Deer and the Antelope Play

Enzo entering the saloon, making one hell of an impression:

Patron: Hey! Are you the fella who took down them Stonehart brothers?

Enzo: Yeah, I got ‘em with one bullet.

Patron#2: All seven of them?

Enzo: ...Yup. All seven of 'em.

The story he comes up with to explain his supposed feat is pretty hilarious too (what we get to hear of it, anyway).

Enzo: Bullet hits the pickaxe, ricochets back towards Stonehart number three, and THAT'S WHEN THE ROOF CAVED IN, igniting the fuel, instantly vaporizing his bodily form, leaving nothing but a burnt-black husk.

Patron#3: Hold on there, that's only six. What happened to number seven?

Enzo: Oh, well, obviously he died of gangrene.

After Maggie, Mrs. Calloway and Grace are turned human, Calloway demands that they be changed back. Taylor asks Enzo for the Animal Artifact:

Enzo: Ya mean the big, shiny medallion with the mouse insignia?

Taylor: Uh-huh.

Enzo: Exactly like the one those rustlers stole?

Taylor: Yup.

Enzo: ...Well, it got stolen.

Taylor: (Seeing Mrs. Calloway’s Tranquil Fury) So it did.

A great chunk of jokes in this episode are of Pearl’s girls getting used to their new human bodies:

Their first attempt at two-legged walking. Insert QWOP jokes here.

Mrs. Calloway tries to compose herself and look as dignified as possible... and comically walks right into the closed door.

Human Maggie taking a bite of an ear of corn like a cow and a passerby giving her a "WTF?" look.

And earlier, in a Funny Background Event, she’s clearly checking out her.... uh... “human udders.” And then she motions Grace over for a look. Both are clearly unimpressed at what they see.

When the Knights and bovine-turned-humans spot Jose, Maggie gets down on all fours and prepares to charge him.

When the group comes across the Granger Gang’s secret lair, and River is inspecting the locked entrance.

River: This is either gonna take a lot of our magic, or some good lockpicking skills to-

Maggie: UH OH, CLUMSY ME! (shoulder smashes down the door)

(River stands there with a shocked look on her face)

The entire chase/fight scene with the Granger Gang and the heroes counts as both a CMOF and CMOA.

This exchange:

Kian: Who wants a story where the bad guys win?

Jose: I do! It’s called a ‘change of pace’! Let me spell it out for ya: We’ve got you outnumbered! Right boys? (turns around to see the rest of the gang running away screaming) ...Boys? Aw, dangit!

[elsarah]

Favorite clips of s5

Thank you so much @smblmn​ for tagging me, I love the idea! While the season as a whole was kinda underwhelming, it was full of amazing clips and I do have a lot of favorites. Here’s my top 10 and a few honorable mentions. I tend to have one favorite clip by episode, except for episode 8, which I REALLY didn't like. I didn't rank my picks, I'll just list them chronologically.

And since I didn't have the opportunity this season, I'm also making gifs to illustrate my picks :) I need the practice, as you can see.

Ep.1: Samedi 0:25 - Le choc

One of my favorite things this season has been the symbolism and the metaphors around sound and silence. In the first episode, there were 2 occurrences: Arthur seeing Noée for the first time underwater at the pool and him looking in the street as snow falls and slowly realizing he's gone deaf. I thought this was an amazing idea and that it gave disability more depth and beauty.

And that look at the camera in the last seconds… And the piano music… It was so chilling.

Ep. 2: Jeudi 20:59 - La nuit de

Globally, the scenes at the association were my favorites, even though I have a complicated relationship with them. Before shooting started in October, someone from the crew promised they would invite me on set during the filming of these scenes, but they ended up breaking their promise. I try to be as drama free as possible on the internet so I didn’t talk about it publicly but now that the season has ended I’m like “Why should I bottle this up, I’m not the the one who screwed up and I’m still hurt about it”.

The first time I watched that clip in January, I was heartbroken. Not just because of the missed opportunity but because I realised I never got to experience what Arthur did; there was no association for me, no one. But I still have a really soft spot for this scene because it's just gorgeous. The aesthetic is incredible and I totally understand what Arthur feels (minus the alcohol). Overall, as bittersweet as it is, it's probably one of my top 3 scenes this season (and it looks like it's one of David's too, this man has great taste). I can’t help but feel for the teenager I was and I wonder how I would have felt watching it then.

Ep.3: Vendredi 13:12 - Check de frérot

Arthur and Basile's friendship was one of the highlights of this season, heck Basile WAS the highlight of this season. Basile and Arthur never shy away from hugs and I'm living for it. I'm so looking forward to see more of Basile in season 6 (since I guess we'll see more of his relationship with Daphné). I loved seeing him be so well-intentioned, despite his usual clumsiness. Seeing Paul in a more serious register (for instance when Arthur lashed out at the boys in episode 6) was delightful.

Ep 4.: Lundi 19:02 - Les entendants

This one also belongs in my top 3. This is the representation I was looking for when I learned Skam France would tackle hearing loss and deafness. It doesn't come in the same package for everybody, and I love that they tried to show it through so many different characters. The situations described here are universal among deaf people.

On a more personal note, I loved that the extras were actual deaf people and sone of them well known. The lady interpreting is Jennifer Lesage-David, co-director at IVT, and she helped David and Niels a lot this season. And the girl speaking about her relationship with her dad is Lulu, she has a YouTube channel with her sister where they raise awareness about hearing loss. The instagram post that was published that day also featured a lot of people I more or less know.

Watching this clip was an experience in itself. I was attending a conference that night about deaf TV archives. The clip dropped 2 minutes before it started and I had to wait for it to end to finally watch. It was excruciating. Also, half the staff of IVT was there and I actually ended up watching the clip in front them. There were like "Wait? Jennifer was in Skam?".

Ep.4: Vendredi 20:43 - Ma vie a changé

While I'm still sceptical about Noée falling in love with Arthur so quickly (this sign song is unambiguous), I think this is one of the most beautiful scenes in the whole series. I don't care very much about this being romantically coded, I just choose to focus on the sign song, because I'm so happy they featured deaf visual arts.

My friend and I spent hours trying to decipher what the song could be about and our interpretation differed a lot from Winona's original text but we loved doing this. David was curious to see how my friend would understand it (especially the part where Noée signs a growing love which she cradles) and he was so happy when she understood it right.

For those interested, here’s what we interpreted (roughly translated into English):

Like two souls lost in the storm, Swayed by the tide, Never really seeing each other Until ours eyes meet. Something is growing inside me, something new, That sets my heart beating. You take off my mask and the truth in your eyes, Fills my heart. Look at me, I also see you.

Ep.6: Mercredi 18:31 - Un simple bout de métal

Also one of the scenes I was expecting the most this season, especially when it transpired that Noée was a bit radical. Her letter echoes my own fears and I thought it was really on point. Arthur admitting he needs her made my heart melt, he's so lucky to have met her. And Winona was amazing in that clip.

Ep.7: Vendredi 20:31 - Sourd dating

Just like for "Un simple bout de metal", I was also expecting that scene. I like that they made Noée and Camille voice their opinion like both faces of the same coin. It was a great way to address cochlear implants as they're a sensitive topic in the deaf community. I think this is one of the most shining example of the research work they did. They could have just stopped at Noée’s letter. But since they had deaf actors like Lucas, who is also implanted and has faced prejudices from radical Deaf people in the past, they had to show implants were not evil and that the situation was more complex than just “Doctors who want to act as gods”.

Learning Noée’s backstory was also interesting, although I didn’t expect her to be an "ex-implanted" deaf. She explains that she learned sign language at the association, which can't be more than 3-4 years ago (and if you look closely in ep 3, when Arthur checks the website, she says she joined the association at its beginning), but there's no way Noée would have that proficiency in sign language in just 4 years of practice. Winona's fluency in sign language is clearly that of someone who grew up with it. I loved being able to notice these subtleties.

Like all the clips at the association, it was a joy to watch because of the atmosphere and the sign language. The deaf extras were lovely. I actually got to meet a few of them last month and had an amazing time with them.

Ep.9: Vendredi 20:17 - Choisir pour toi

Coline. singing. Do I need to say more? I like that both Noée and Alexia had their shining moment and as clumsy as the story got, I appreciate that the writers didn't try to pin one girl against the other and make one superior. Noée had her sign song and Alexia her own composition. And both were breathtaking. What really gets me in this scene are the colors. I'm a sucker for aesthetics.

And of course, it was great to see Alexia stand her ground and break up with Arthur. I have nothing but respect for her and I'm team Alexia + happiness all the way.

Ep.10: Lundi 10:04 - La même vie que vous

When Melchior, Laura and the brochure subplot was introduced, I was a bit wary because their introduction scene was really, really awkward (it wasn't very well tied at first). By their second scene, at Arthur's place, I was sold. It was great to address accessibility and show that there's no point putting people with disabilities in the same bag, because there are hundreds of them and the needs are different. What doesn't change is our wish to live our life at the fullest, just like abled people. And this scene was precious. Seeing Arthur endorse this new part of him and support his peers was everything.

Ep.10: Vendredi 20:47 - Le meilleur des mondes

I'm still very emotional about this scene. Like… I don't know what to say, the music still sends shivers down my spine.

Honorable mentions :

Ep.1: Mardi 11:59 - 3, 2, 1,…

One of the only things Robin told me about the season when I met him at IVT was that the first clip would drop on New Year's Eve at 11:59 p.m.. That date became a beacon during fall and oh you wouldn't believe how much I waited for that clip to drop and how much I was looking forward to it. And it freaking delivered. The atmosphere, the tense music, that first shot on the loudspeaker, the confetti clogging it gradually… That teaser was a masterpiece.

Ep.2: Like… the whole episode actually. The alarm clock concept was genius.

Ep.4: Samedi 10:15 - Nouveau style

One of these gorgeous clips without dialogues that still say lots.

Ep.5: Samedi 10:03 - Maîtriser le langage

Oh my, this one was so relatable and a joy to watch. Camille explaining that sign language and mimes are different, Arthur being that dimwit asking about swear words and being told off for speaking… Kuddos to the deaf extras who had to pretend they didn't know any sign language, it was so funny (looking at you, Enzo).

Ep.6: Samedi 8:30 - Mythos

Seeing Arthur lashing out at his friends was cathartic. He roasted them so well, I wished I had his ability to speak so well when I'm angry. A+ work.

Ep.6: Dimanche 14:41 - Envie de rien

Alexia being the real MVP, as always.

Ep.7: Samedi 2:15 - Pool Party

It’s strange, because even though a lot of the story went down in this particular episode, it must be one of my favorites, like… tied with episode 2. It has probably a lot to do with the fact there were mostly deaf characters and that they had so much fun together. It’s something I can relate do, the sheer joy of signing the night away, which is something I didn’t get to experience until very recently.

As gorgeous as the underwater scene is, I'm not a fan of Noée and Arthur's almost kiss. I picked this scene because I love the moment of sheer joy that follows; everyone joining in the pool and having fun together. And of course the rise of Camika. I know it's a bit convoluted to have the two openly gay guys fall for each other first time they meet but… it just worked so well.

Ep.9: Mercredi 21:34 - Frère

This clip was about to make the top 10 cut when I remembered about another one and I had to remove it. Just Basile being lovely Basile.

Ep.9: Jeudi 17:30 - T'es pas tout seul

This clip was so important, bless the nurse and bless Jérôme. I wish Jérôme was my audiologist, to be honest.

Ep.10: Samedi 13:39 - Maman

Arthur's mom was so lovely and I'm so sorry she had to go through this shit with her trashcan of a husband. I liked her relationship with her son and her reassuring him he's not like his father was very soothing. I wasn’t the biggest fan of Arthur at the end of this season and I appreciate he’s well looked after after what he went through.

Ep.10: Jeudi 17:46 - Recommencer

Just like "Nouveau style" from ep 4, it's another one of these silent clips that has lots of meaning. Arthur putting back his glasses, slowly accepting his life won't be the same and that he has to move on. Except now things are clearer. Skam France love its symbolism and while sometimes it's very poorly done (like the love triangle emphasizing on Arthur's balancing between two worlds), more often than not it's very compelling.

Now I want to rewatch everything, so see you soon I guess :)

[buckmatthewsparker]

Chase and Buck Matthews-Parker Wedding (Self Para: Buck)

Today is the day! Buck couldn’t believe that in a few short hours that he would be marrying the love of his life. The wedding that he dreamed about and thought about all of his life but growing up in the house that he did, with the family that he did, and dating the guys that he did, Buck never thought for one moment that the wedding of his dreams would be coming true. That he would be here in this moment getting dressed in a nice suit and about ready to marry his soulmate. Buck checked on how everything and everyone was doing as they were getting their reception and ceremony set up. He wanted nothing more than for Chase to be standing next to him and them probably making out right now but they planned that neither one could see the other before the start of the ceremony. It was tough. He wanted to bust down his door and go in there but Laurens and Enzo stopped him from doing so. Mason and Heikki would also kick his ass if he even stepped foot where he shouldn’t be.

Buck looked at his wedding vows and stuck them in his jacket pocket. They were going to do the traditional vows but as his wedding gift to Chase, Buck wanted to make the vows personal. Let Chase know that he was entirely grateful and so ready to be his husband. To build a life together. To grow old and watch their kids and grand-kids run around the yard. To thank him for being in the bar that day, if he never went there to drown his sorrows they wouldn’t have met one another and figured out they were meant to be, to be soulmates. He might even make everyone shed a tear or two. Cause god knows that he would be doing that. He wouldn’t get through the ceremony without some tears shed or being a full on crying mess.

The three guys headed out up to the altar. It was that time to start. Laurens patted Buck on the shoulder telling the other that he would be alright and to stop stressing out. Enzo gave him the same look and also a nudge on the shoulder letting Buck know that there was nothing to be nervous about. Chase was coming out soon and they would have the best wedding possible. All the guests starting filling in. When he looked up, he saw Ruby and Lumi coming down the aisle together. He smiled at the two of them and kissed both of their cheeks. “Thank you beautiful and my handsome little man.” he said to the two of them as they stood in front of Heikki and himself. Now it was time for Chase to come in and he wasn’t alone. Buck had to do a double take as he saw how handsome his Sherlock and fiance was but also because it was his sister.. Maddie. He sniffed and started to cry. They hadn’t see on another in so long, ever since he moved to Chicago. Chase knew just how much this meant to him for her to be here and here she was. “You didn’t think I was going to miss your wedding now did you, baby bro.”Maddie said as they hugged one another.

Buck composed himself and Maddie sat front row as he took Chases hands in his. He sniffed and gave him a look of we’re going to talk later on. Mason lead them through the ceremony and to the part of saying their vows to each other. “Chase.. I wasn’t shown what love was. I didn’t know that two people could love one another as much as you and I do. Or even our friends around us showing me what love is and how a marriage should be. I was in some relationships that I regret even starting and being in. I thought I needed to find someone right away to be happy or that could make me happy. But, I was wrong. That day I walked into the bar it was to get plastered and forget about the breakup that i was going through. The moment I walked through the door and our eyes met, my heart did flips and turns and I knew that you were the one. My soulmate. My everything. My heart. My soul. The reason for getting up in the morning and breathing. You mended a broken heart and a broken person. For that I’m so grateful, I will forever love you and be by your side through everything that life throws our way. In sickness and in health through everything. I can’t wait to be your husband and say I do and be Buck Matthews Parker. I love you so much.”Buck said sniffling as he finished up his vows. Buck listened to Chases vows and he couldn’t help but get even more teary eyed. He was an emotional person when it came to his fiance and the words that he was declaring to him. They exchanged the rings.

“Well if we’re all done crying, I now pronounce you two husbands and husbands. You may kiss the heck out of one another.” Mason said as he stepped back. Buck grabbed Chase close and kissed him full of love and passion. He was going to keep it PG or G just cause of the kiddos here. “Whoooooooooo!” Everyone cheered. Buck chuckled and laced their fingers together. “I give you Mr Chase and Buck Matthews Parker”Mason said as they walked out and to their reception.

It was a perfect night and he couldn’t of asked for a better wedding. His best friends were there, his sister and now he was married to the love of his life and ready for the start of a new year with his husband. @detectivexchase​

[jamfingers]

BKAW2K17 Day 6: If I Was a TVD Writer, I Would Change

The whole show honestly. But we're here for BonKai, not the rest of that mess, so let's do it like Nike.

That season 6 finale from bullfuckery hell. Throw the whole episode away. I'm okay with Jolaric, but I'd extract their pregnancy. Instead of Kai showing up to crash the wedding, it's Kai showing up to save his coven from angry Heretics. He wanted to abandon them, he really did. After all, they were content to leave him abandoned, so he did what he had to to survive. But when he's out, he can't turn off his conscience and this niggling thought of "WWBD?" (what would Bonnie do?) keeps bugging him, so fuck it. He'll save their ungrateful asses. New segue into s7 that doesn't kill off Kai and isn't stupid. And there's still an opening for Elena to leave, like honestly plec and co are just uncreative trash ugh. I digress.

Why tf is it 2018 and Bonnie Sheila Bennett still has no earthly idea that Malachai Chadwick Parker saved her from suicide on her birthday? Okay, that boy risked his life to give her the best b-day present she's gotten in years (LIFE AND HOPE AND POWER) and she still has no clue. What kind of fucking travesty...

More Gemini-Bennett history. I wanna know how in the heck their families know each other. I wanna know how the heck Bonnie and Malachai Shemar Parker aren't already somehow related (You gon tell me a coven so obsessed with power that they sacrifice their young WOULDN'T try to marry in a bloodline that consistently pushes out MAGICAL NUCLEARPLANT women? Okay Julie, okay. Also, even if they were related, I'd probably still ship it. I'm a sinner and I own it). I want to know how the heck their families are so cohesive as to be creating spells that make whole new worlds, but they trifling asses don't care about the last Bennett dying. This is why retcons and no plans is bad writing. And on that note...

No Travelers. Not interested. Nothing about that plot was compelling. In the waste bin.

Remember how I extracted Jolaric's twins? I think they're cute and all, but honestly any powerful siphon babies should be BonKai's or not at all. Sorry, not sorry.

You might have seen my earlier posts about timelines in TVD being wonky as shit. I'm still annoyed by that, but I was considering when Malachai Edwin Parker broke out of his PW then all the time that passed before he finally did a merge and honestly, I wish he and Bonnie would have been alone in the PW for longer. Give Bonnie a chance to come around and then they could have figured out how to leave together. You had Enzo being a trifling hoe and honestly, I think a more overbearing Papa Parker would have made a great interlude villain. Playing off Damon and co trying to get back Bonnie and Joshua trying to stop them would have been an interesting parallel to BonKai's cat-n-mouse games.

Last one. Less Damon in the BonKai. He is consistently interrupting their scenes and the only time he's not is when he PHYSICALLY CAN'T. And those scenes were some of BK's most intense. When Damon is there, it's...kinda weird honestly. Do bonkai or don't. Do bam0n or don't. Stop teasing both ships for views, then do neither.

Aaaand I'm caught up now. What will I do tomorrow? I don't know either. I'll figure it out. It'll be fun.

[cjaaaayy-blog]

     Marie Lu’s second installment to the series, The Young Elites - The Rose Society. The book follows the story of Adelina Amoutero - a malfetto - after being banished along with her sister, Violetta from a group of malfettos, named Dagger Society. Blinded with fear and anger, Adelina sets on a journey to execute revenge on the Daggers. The duo later on meets Magiano, a Young Elite with the ability of copying other Elites’ power for a short time. Later on, they find Sergio, also an Elite with the power to control the rain. Together with their newfound mates, they form an alliance and names it, Rose Society. 

     After Maeve’s tethering of Enzo to Raffaele, wherein, Raffaele turns out to be Adelina disguised as him all along. With Enzo being raised back from the dead, and Adelina controlling him. A battle erupts between the Daggers and Roses, with the Inquisition disrupting the battle.

     Following the events that took place in malfetto slave quarters; Adelina tricks Teren into helping them into the palace after she promises him she’ll help him wipe out the Daggers, Maeve’s men takes back Enzo. The battle ends in Maeve’s ship with Enzo burning the whole fleet, Inquisitors binding Teren up, Maeve retreating.

     After all these, Adelina realizes one thing - she doesn’t need love or acceptance, only fear. Since, fear is the most powerful thing and can make people obey. She had an argument with her sister, that forces the latter to leave. Soon, Magiano leaves her in the throne room, all alone. She waits for the wave of triumph to arrive. But it never does.

    “In the silence, I sit alone on my throne room and wait eagerly for all the satisfaction and triumph to hit me. I wait, and wait, and wait. But it doesn’t come.     -Adelina Amouteru

     It is indeed a great statement by Adelina. It shows that even though you managed to achieve everything in this world, or become the most powerful man alive. You won’t be satisfied. Just like Adelina, who was able to exact revenge on the Daggers and Teren, wasn’t satisfied as her sister, her only sister left her amidst her victory. Along with Magiano. Basically, it doesn’t matter if you become the greatest man alive, if your friends who were with you during your conquest to your dream left you. You get nothing. You’re just nothing but a zilch man. What’s the use of getting all that if you’re to live the rest of your life alone onwards? I mean, who the heck likes to live the rest of his life isolated. Wouldn’t it be better if you live a normal life, and with your friends around, right?

 “I pledge myself to the Rose Society,” I begin. “Until the end of my days.”  One by one, the others call out the same thing, murmurs at first that turn into firm words.                    “To use my eyes to see all the happens,” says Sergio.    “My tongue to woo others at our side,” says Magiano with a savage smile.                       “My ears to hear every secret,” Violetta continues.                            “My hands,” I finish. “To crush my enemies.           “I will do everything in my power to destroy all who stands in my way.

   This is the part where The Rose Society becomes official. And the part where my breathing intensifies. Because, who on earth wouldn’t be excited on what can happen on this team?! Lead by a woman who’s mentally driven crazy by these whispers in her mind. I mean, what’s the worst that can happen if Adelina is leading them, right? Just look at how devious their words are. It just shows what they would do in order for them to get everything that they want.

Magic is a shortened term derived from “Magiano’s tricks,” coined from the exploits of the famous young charlatan, Magiano, who was never captured by the Inquisition.

-Essays, by Raffaele Laurent Bessette

    In here, we get a sneak peek on who Magiano is in the Young Elites. Where he finally showed himself to the world in the second book, as someone who constantly win games in the parlor, using his “magic”. Known for his magics, tricks and his music efficiency, and also let’s add his ability to mimic others’ powers. There’s no doubt why Adelina recruited him and as to why he’s dubbed as “my favorite character”. 

    I found myself in Adelina’s shoes in the last part. Where she was able to be in the top, like me, not boasting anything though. But, I find myself to be in the top especially when I win at contests or something, but the wave of satisfaction doesn’t hit Adelina… nor does it hit me. 

    I’ll end this with a question to Adelina, whom we’ll just assume to be alive and kicking in our real world. “If you were given a chance to travel back in time, what would you want to fix, and why?”

[placetobenation]

The Basics: 

16 individuals drafted every main show match in WrestleMania history (along with Neville vs Austin Aries from WrestleMania 33 to keep things even). This gives each person a total of 20 matches selected. The draft was conducted snake style so the individual that had the 16th pick in the draft also had the 17th pick to start round two. Each round will have an individual post leading up to WrestleMania 34 and the draft will culminate in our own Mel Kiper (Brad Woodling) giving his opinions and draft grades for how each person did overall. Place to Be Nation will also be able to vote on their favorite draft overall.

Round 6:

Pick #81: Randy Savage vs Ted Dibiase (WrestleMania 4) – Selected by Jennifer Smith

I saw this one at #5 on the Rankings of Randy Savage WM Matches article on PTBN.  It was also noted on List-a-Mania for Best Finishes. And of course I knew who they both were so that was helpful.

Pick #82: Strike Force vs The Brain Busters (WrestleMania 5) – Selected by JT Rozzero

A classic NWA style tag match tucked into a bloated WrestleMania card, this was one of my earliest favorite matches. It also features a huge storyline in the middle of the action, with Rick Martel walking out on Tito Santana. That led to a beautiful two-on-one dissection by the Busters which is just a joy to watch.

Pick #83: Randy Orton vs Seth Rollins (WrestleMania 31) – Selected by Tim Capel

Seems a little high, no? Given my poor position in the draft order and the fact that I fucking unapologetically LOVE this match, there’s just no way I was sleeping on it another round. Objectively, yeah, maybe I could’ve held off. Maybe I drafted with my heart over my brain. WELL AT LEAST I HAVE A HEART.

Pick #84: John Cena vs Rusev (WrestleMania 31) – Selected by Chad Campbell

Rusev comes to the ring in a tank. Carry on.

Pick #85: AJ Styles vs Shane McMahon (WrestleMania 33) – Selected by Brian Bayless

The McMahon Family has dominated WWE TV programming for the past twenty years. While not being able to draft a match featuring Vince, I chose the closest thing with his son. And Shane was lucky enough to be in with AJ Styles, who had a tremendous run in the company leading up to the show.

Pick #86: Money in the Bank (WrestleMania 25) – Selected by Scott Criscuolo

After coming out of nowhere to win the briefcase the year before, CM Punk becomes the first back to back winner in a great car wreck.

Pick #87: Hardcore Invitational (WrestleMania 16) – Selected by Neil Trama

Yes, looking back this was probably too much of a reach and there were other picks taken in the next round that I would have preferred in hindsight. But like I said at the start, I wanted to build a card that I would personally love to watch and this is one of my favorite wacky romp brawls of all time. And it was certainly my only chance to draft a Pete Gas championship win.

Pick #88: The Hardy Boyz vs Cesaro & Sheamus vs Gallows & Anderson vs Enzo & Cass (WrestleMania 33) – Selected by Aaron George

I knew I needed one of these ladder clusterfucks and completely lucked out to get this one. The match is great, you get Sheamus and Cesaro killing guys, Enzo/Cass at their most over and the return of THE HARDYS. An all time Mania moment as the crowd SCREAMED with ecstasy. A moment that was too good to happen, then actually did.

Match time:    11 Mins

Show Time :   70 Mins

Pick #89: Randy Orton vs CM Punk (WrestleMania 27) – Selected by Jordan Duncan

I considered this one to be a steal in the 6th round, as it has star power AND is a very good match. It doesn’t seem to be remembered all that well, I think it’s very underrated and worth a high pick. 

Pick #90: Big Boss Man vs Mr. Perfect (WrestleMania 7) – Selected by Steven Ferrari

Perfect and Boss Man just worked so well together. Boss Man was an underrated talent in 1991, and paired with the consummate athlete Curt Hennig, you get a surprisingly fun Intercontinental Title match.

Pick #91: Chris Jericho vs Kurt Angle vs Chris Benoit (WrestleMania 16) – Selected by Andy LaBar

Andy Pick: #6         Overall Pick: #91

Admittedly, with the talent involved and the match stipulation at hand here, this match doesn’t quite live up to expectations, but I firmly believe it’s more forgotten than it needs to be as well. Here we have 3 of the best big match wrestlers in company history working an undercard bout, more of a gimmick than anything, taking advantage of Angle’s recent dominance and goofiness and taking away his titles. These are super workers and even their low points from this era are pretty damn high, and this is for two titles to boot. Fun match that can get the crowd invested.

Pick #92: Chris Jericho vs Kevin Owens (WrestleMania 33) – Selected by Nick Duke

It’s the best match from WrestleMania 33. Change my mind. (Spoiler: you can’t.)

Pick #93: Steiner Brothers vs Headshrinkers (WrestleMania 9) – Selected by Greg Phillips

Full disclosure: I realized that, in picking the “best available,” I realized I had woefully neglected tag teams. And tag team wrestling is the best. So are the Steiner Brothers. So are suplexes. Thus I drafted this underrated gem. More variety.

Pick #94: Rey Mysterio vs CM Punk (WrestleMania 26) – Selected by Stacey O’ Louglin

They only got 6 minutes for this match, but they packed SO MUCH into it – a Straight Edge Jesus promo from Punk, Rey’s entrance malfunctioning, Rey flying everywhere, great chemistry between them, at least two Eddie Guerrero tribute spots, interference from the SES, the finish is balls of fun…this is everything you could possibly want in an undercard sprint.

Pick #95:  Mr. Perfect vs Blue Blazer (WrestleMania 5) – Selected by Todd Weber

A perfect sprint. Owen as the Blue Blazer was always fun, and here he gets a heck of a matchup with Curt Hennig. One of the best matches per second from that era, and a workrate standout from a time when Mania matches didn’t always feature quality wrestling.

Pick #96: Cactus Jack & Chainsaw Charlies vs The New Age Outlaws (WrestleMania 14) – Selected by J Arsenio D’Amato

Tag titles, Funk, Foley, mayhem.

[junker-town]

No Mercy 2017: The full rundown and why you should care

We’re getting two WrestleMania-level matchups even though it’s only September.

It’s only September, and fall has just begun, but WWE is acting like it’s springtime and WrestleMania is here. Now, that doesn’t apply to the entire card for Sunday’s No Mercy show, the latest RAW-exclusive pay-per-view, but the main events are huge matches we’re used to seeing at the likes of SummerSlam or the Royal Rumble or WrestleMania.

Don’t take this as some weird complaint about timing: it’s good to see WWE remember that they can attempt to entertain even when it’s “just” a B-level show, slash, even when football is on television. Let’s dive in.

Jason Jordan vs. The Miz (c) for the Intercontinental Championship

What am I looking at here? Jason Jordan is (kayfabe) Kurt Angle’s son from a long-gone relationship, and the former member of tag team champs American Alpha is getting his first real crack at a singles title. He’ll be taking on Miz, who could very well retire someday as the most successful Intercontinental champ in WWE history, and who also has not been shy about pointing out that Jordan is getting this opportunity in large part because of who his dad is. Jordan is a damn good wrestler, so that’s not true, but it feels true enough for the heel Miz to use it as ammunition.

Why you should care: Well, Miz is the GOAT, so there’s one reason. Jordan was the greatest hot tag in WWE when he was still in a tag team, and he’s recently been let loose on the singles scene, with excellent matches against some of the best in the business like John Cena and Roman Reigns. He lost both of those, but hey, Cena lost to Jordan’s dad in his (re)introduction to WWE but made an impression, and that’s what we’ve got going on here once again. Will this push result in a win for Jordan? I don’t know! But the match should be pretty great.

Enzo Amore vs. Neville (c) for the Cruiserweight Championship

What am I looking at here? Enzo Amore is the worst wrestler around unless you need someone to flop around absorbing damage looking like they’re one of those dummies sketch comedy shows used to use in place of a person when falling out a window or whatever. He joined the cruiserweights because he’s not a big guy and then, because the cruiserweight division doesn’t have enough weird bullshit to wade through, he started winning matches despite being the literal worst.

Enzo also has this championship opportunity despite being on the receiving end of a Miz promo that, in short, was “Everyone hates you and not for pretend, like we all actually hate you and think you suck and hope you die alone.” The crowd was on Miz’s side.

Enzo will take on Neville, who is perfection, not just in his abilities or demeanor but also in his likelihood of grinding Amore into literal dust.

Why you should care: One of two things is going to happen here: Neville is going to dismantle Enzo and mail the pieces to different locations all over the world as a ghastly reminder of his power and the fear it should inspire in all of us. Or, Enzo is going to win with a lucky rollup after some awful distraction despite doing absolutely nothing to deserve a victory.

Remember, too, that Enzo is supposed to be the face here, so if he does win and everyone hates it, it’s not Good Heeling or whatever. It’s just awful writing.

Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt in a Man vs. Man match

What am I looking at here? i honestly do not know

Why you should care: ^

Finn vs. Bray at SummerSlam was cool and all but part of the attraction there was Bray “I’m literally Satan” Wyatt getting wrecked by a guy with a demonic persona who spent 15 minutes or whatever showing Bray that the demon paint job wasn’t just a paint job, it also unlocked something deep within him that gave him an extra gear. Bray’s response to losing was, “Uh don’t you think it’s kind of unfair that you have a demon persona maybe you should wrestle me man to man oh also please forget all that stuff I’ve said for years about being possessed by the devil I’m def just a regular person.”

Finn said yes, because he is a babyface, and babyfaces don’t run from challenges even when they’re dumb. That can refer to either the challenge or the babyface, for what it’s worth.

Cesaro and Sheamus vs. Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins (c) for the RAW Tag Team Championships

What am I looking at here? Two of the top tag teams in WWE, facing off in a rematch of their SummerSlam bout that would have stolen the show if not for the main event Braunpocalypse.

Why you should care: Man y’all are demanding, did not you just see the part where I said two of the top tag teams are facing off in a rematch wherein the original match was dope as heck? Fine, fine. Rollins and Ambrose joining forces once again has been a boon to the shipping industry — no, no, the other shipping industry — and taking down Sheamus and Cesaro — who are wonderful in their own right — will cement Rollins and Ambrose as the (friendship-based) team to beat on RAW.

tl;dr: four dudes are going to beat on each other hard for our amusement and regardless of who wins, friendship will triumph

Sasha Banks vs. Bayley vs. Nia Jax vs. Emma vs. Alexa Bliss (c) in a Fatal 5-Way RAW Women’s Championship match

What am I looking at here? We were supposed to get Bayley vs. Alexa Bliss at SummerSlam, but then Bayley was hurt, and Sasha Banks won her way into a match with Bliss instead — a match she won. Then, Bliss won back the RAW Women’s Championship because Banks is as incapable of defending a title as she is capable of winning one, and Nia Jax responded to her friend Alexa’s win by dumping her on her head as a violent way of saying “I’ve got next.”

Then Emma complained and said she wanted in on the title, too, so her and Nia teamed together and won themselves insertion into this match before Nia then beat on Emma some as a reminder that their alliance was one of convenience. Bayley then showed up in her hometown San Jose aka the one place that is still cheering for Bayley, attacked Bliss without provocation, and then was placed into the Fatal 4-Way to make it a Fatal 5-Way as a reward for this act.

You know, when you write it all out like that, the most face competitor in the bunch at the moment is the heel champion, Alexa.

Why you should care: It’s going to be something to see everyone unite to try to take Nia Jax out of the equation, since this isn’t an elimination match and therefore the only successfully tested ways of stopping her won’t work here. Sasha Banks and Bayley both know she can be submitted, but no one is going to be able to submit Jax since doing so would end the match with the submitter as victor. They also can’t just pile on top of her for the 1-2-3 like Charlotte, Sasha, and Bayley did at WrestleMania 33, since again, it’s not an elimination match, and a pin means we have resolution.

Another angle to watch for is what goes on with Emma, who WWE has done their best to destroy at every turn despite her talent and connection with the crowd. Will this be her moment to remind everyone that she does in fact belong with all of the women WWE brought up after her for their “revolution,” or is she just here to eat a pin so that the ones who [extremely condescending and sarcastic voice] “matter” continue to look strong even in defeat?

John Cena vs. Roman Reigns in a who is the biggest dog in the yard match

What am I looking at here? It’s the old hotness vs. the new hotness, the crew cut vs. the long flowing hair of a prince whose arms you would feel so very safe in. Cena vs. Reigns should be a WrestleMania main event, and yet, here it is, at No Mercy, which kind of makes you wonder how much longer Cena is going to be wrestling on the reg for WWE.

Also, just so we’re clear, that’s not a real match stipulation, but it is definitely what this pissing contest is about.

Cena has won the verbal battle thus far in what has been a bunch of worked-shoot promos, but also, obviously he has: Roman’s charisma is all about the dangerous silence and mood his presence creates, whereas Cena’s is almost entirely verbal. What matters in the end is which of these dudes has their arm raised in victory.

Why you should care: John Cena is maybe the greatest WWE has ever had, and even if he’s not leaving the company soon, he is going to someday. Reigns might not be the guy who gets all the cheers in Cena’s absence, but he definitely gets reactions, and people care about him and his matches and where he is in the company. Reigns is at his best in a big match, and so is Cena, and now we’ve got Big Match John vs. The Big Dog going one-on-one. Is this the first of a series? A one-and-done, winner-take-all? No one knows for sure, but we do know that this has potential for true greatness, and that’s reason enough to watch even if you don’t particularly have a, well, a dog in this race.

Braun Strowman vs. Brock Lesnar (c) for the WWE Universal Championship

What am I looking at here? There is no one like Brock Lesnar. The closest anyone has ever come is Braun Strowman. Those statements work just as well and as accurately if you reverse the order of the names, too. And now they’re facing off against each other, where Strowman hopes to finish the job he started at SummerSlam, whereas Lesnar is hoping that he can handle Strowman one-on-one now that he doesn’t have two others to worry about as well.

Why you should care: Strowman vs. Lesnar somehow has more changing of the guard-ness to it than Cena vs. Reigns, as, like with Cena, Lesnar isn’t going to be around forever, but his opponent is crucial to the future success of the company. Strowman is the one who can be the true superstar going forward, even more than Reigns, as he’s an absolute force of nature that fans are dying to cheer for despite his status as a monster.

Plus, Strowman took a German Suplex from Lesnar and was completely unfazed. We need to see how that plays out over the course of a full match. I cannot wait.

[junker-town]

WWE SummerSlam 2017: The full rundown and why you should care

This iteration of SummerSlam has real potential to be memorable for years to come.

SummerSlam is going to be real long. It also should be real good! Just know going in that, as one of WWE’s Big Four events, SummerSlam is going to be four hours long — six hours with the full pre-show that will include three matches. That’s what happens when you’re a show that isn’t exclusive to one of WWE’s two main brands, though.

This should be a show that changes much in the WWE landscape, and helps set the company on its course for WrestleMania 34 next April. SummerSlam, then Survivor Series, then Royal Rumble, then Mania: the last is still a ways off, but the first seeds of stories that might grow by Mania will be planted at the Barclays Center on Sunday night, starting at 7 p.m. ET.

“The Demon” Finn Balor vs. Bray Wyatt

What am I looking at here? Finn Balor hasn’t used his Demon persona very much on the main roster of WWE — thank injury and a lack of high-profile matches since said injury for that. Bray Wyatt tormented Balor into unleashing the Demon, though, to the point that WWE is making a point of saying that that’s the version of Finn we’ll be seeing at SummerSlam.

Why you should care: Well, Finn has stepped up his game since returning from the injury that made him give up the Universal Championship the day after winning it at SummerSlam one year ago, but he hasn’t had many spotlight opportunities that let him build on that momentum. Wyatt, in theory, should be one of them, given he was WWE Champion earlier this year. “In theory” is the key part there, as Wyatt hasn’t been reliable in the ring for much of 2017, outside of the match that won him the title in the first place.

Big Show vs. Big Cass with Enzo Amore suspended above the ring in a shark cage

What am I looking at here? Big Cass turned on Enzo Amore, and while he was a real jerk about it, it was also totally understandable: Enzo is annoying as heck and doesn’t have an off button and you’d get tired of him, too. Hell, Enzo is the wronged party and face in this match, and he’s the one suspended in a shark cage so he can’t interfere and/or be annoying.

Well, okay, maybe he can still be annoying depending on if he brings a mic into the cage with him or not. Please don’t let Enzo bring a mic into the cage.

Oh, and Big Show is here fighting for Enzo because Cass tried to implicate Show into the backstage beatdowns of Enzo that Cass was responsible for.

Why you should care: This should be the end of Cass vs. Show and also Cass/Enzo as a story, and it’s about time. It’s certainly worked to put over Cass as a jerk and make Enzo sympathetic to an audience that had been trained to not feel bad for him anymore, but it’s also time to move on and see what solo Cass and solo Enzo are going to be like.

Randy Orton vs. Rusev

What am I looking at here? Randy Orton is no longer in the WWE Championship feud after losing a whole bunch of times to Jinder Mahal, but he’s far too big a star to not be on a SummerSlam card if he’s healthy. Rusev never got a chance at the WWE Championship, and he’s not the kind of star Orton is, but he’s too talented to not be on a SummerSlam card if he’s healthy. So, here we are. Rusev wanted a challenge, Orton answered the challenge, and the feud doesn’t really go beyond that.

Why you should care: Sure, there’s little story buildup, but it’s too good wrestlers wrestling to prove that one of them is better than the other. Sometimes, that’s all you need.

Natalya vs. Naomi (c) for the SmackDown Women’s Championship

What am I looking at here? For one, I’m much more excited about SummerSlam than my reactions to the first few matches listed indicates. It’s not my fault that the ones I’m most lukewarm about also happen to be the first three WWE put on their card. Part of that excitement here stems from WWE finally deciding to put one-on-one title matches on major cards for the women instead of just lumping them all together to get everyone on the show. Natalya won a number one contender’s match, so she’s facing Naomi. Simple, sure, but that can work when it comes to championship bouts.

Why you should care: Naomi was the only face champion in WWE for months and months, and has managed to hold on to her title despite the entire division gunning for her and the existence of the first-ever women’s Money in the Bank briefcase holder, Carmella. Natalya has never won a WWE Women’s Championship — she’s a one-time Divas Champion, and that was all the way back in 2010. That has a lot to do with how WWE (unsuccessfully) utilized their women wrestlers for years, but regardless of the why, Natalya is overdue both for a chance and for a championship.

And, as mentioned, Carmella having the Money in the Bank briefcase, which allows her to cash in and fight for the SmackDown Women’s title at a time of her choosing, means that Naomi or Natalya just might end up fighting two matches for the championship in one night.

Sasha Banks vs. Alexa Bliss (c) for the RAW Women’s Championship

What am I looking at here? Bayley was supposed to be the challenger to Alexa Bliss’ title, but a (legitimate) shoulder injury put her out of commission for SummerSlam. Sasha Banks ended up winning her way to the vacated slot following that injury, and that’ll work just fine, too, since Sasha and Alexa have already matched up in the past and have bad blood between them as well.

Why you should care: Sasha Banks seems to have wonderful in-ring chemistry with basically everyone — Bayley, Charlotte, Nia Jax, and Alexa Bliss, too. Alexa continues to improve and is already the first-ever woman to hold both the RAW and SmackDown Women’s Championships — Banks might end up being her greatest rival for one or both of those titles when their careers are all said and done. This could be a pretty big deal both now and later, and just like with SmackDown’s Women’s title, it’s also unclear who is going to walk out of Barclays as champion Sunday.

Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins vs. Cesaro and Sheamus (c) for the RAW Tag Team Championships

What am I looking at here? Cesaro and Sheamus are great at beating the heck out of everyone, but they might have gotten themselves involved in something they can’t handle by beating on Ambrose and Rollins. Dean and Seth, former Shield mates who have understandable trust issues given Rollins’ betrayal of Ambrose years ago, finally seem united thanks to having a common foe: they wouldn’t, if Cesaro and Sheamus hadn’t interrupted the two working out their issues with each other, giving their fists somewhere else to land.

WWE.com

Why you should care: Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins are together again, and against one of the best pairings of wrestlers in a tag team in years. If Ambrose wins the tag titles, he’ll also be the 16th Grand Slam champion ever, as he’s already been WWE Champion, United States Champion, and Intercontinental Champion. Rollins will be a two-time tag champ if this happens — he and Roman Reigns were the Shields’ two-man tag team, with Ambrose the singles star at the time — and he’s an Intercontinental run away from joining Ambrose in the rare ranks of Grand Slam champs.

The glory of Rollins and Ambrose reuniting is the real story here, but hey, when some history can also be made, you have to recognize it. Especially history that the likes of John Cena and Randy Orton and Undertaker haven’t managed.

Since you’re wondering, Roman Reigns, like Rollins, is also just an IC reign away from a Grand Slam. Those Shield boys sure are something.

Kevin Owens vs. AJ Styles (c) for the United States Championship with special guest referee Shane McMahon

What am I looking at here? Kevin Owens and AJ Styles have traded the United States Championship back and forth for a few months now. Owens feels he’s been treated unfairly by officials, so SmackDown GM Daniel Bryan suggested Shane McMahon as the impartial referee. The thing about Shane as an impartial referee, though, is that his history suggests he’s anything but in that role, and he’s got historic beef with both Owens and Styles.

Why you should care: Owens vs. Styles is a good matchup with nothing else added to it. Having Shane McMahon as the special guest referee, though, adds another wrinkle: Owens and Styles have both inadvertently attacked Shane in segments building to this fight, and even if Shane does happen to be impartial here, there is the possibility that Owens or Styles misinterpret his actions and start a feud directly with Shane O’Mac.

John Cena vs. Baron Corbin

What am I looking at here? These two were already set to face each other, and then Baron Corbin interrupted John Cena against Jinder Mahal on this past week’s episode of SmackDown by attacking Cena. Corbin then attempted to cash in his Money in the Bank briefcase on WWE Champion Jinder Mahal, but failed — Mahal took advantage of Corbin trying to make sure Cena couldn’t interfere, and Corbin’s guaranteed shot came and went in seconds.

Why you should care: Cena hasn’t won a SummerSlam match since 2010, and it feels like this is going to be the one that ends that drought. With that being said, though, Corbin could use a win after his embarrassing defeat and loss of the Money in the Bank briefcase, so maybe we’ll see his anger at his own failure show up in this match and drive him to victory over a possibly overconfident Cena.

Shinsuke Nakamura vs. Jinder Mahal for the WWE Championship

What am I looking at here? This is Shinsuke Nakamura’s first attempt at the WWE Championship, and it puts an end to the overdone USA vs. Not USA feuds they’ve had going on for too long on SmackDown of late. So, even if the match itself doesn’t end up being great, we’ve got that going for us.

Jinder Mahal’s reign as champ has actually been pretty good outside of the impossible-to-be-good Punjabi Prison match, and it seems as if he’s over as a heel with the crowd now. Nakamura might need the good match more here, as he’s kind of been reduced to mostly an impressive entrance on the main roster of WWE — maybe that will change in a title match, and we’ll see a Nakamura more like the one everyone was expecting WWE had signed.

It’s too soon to panic about all that, but if we get more of the same from Nakamura here despite the stage and stakes, that... won’t be encouraging.

Roman Reigns vs. Braun Strowman vs. Samoa Joe vs. Brock Lesnar (c) in a Fatal Four Way for the WWE Universal Championship

What am I looking at here? So. Much. Beef.

Why you should care: Listen, I could get all descriptive about what matters about this match and what it could do to change WWE’s main event landscape if Brock Lesnar were to lose the Universal Championship and bail on WWE for UFC (at least for a little while). I could talk about how, if Braun Strowman wins, it seals the deal for him as the monster of WWE. Or how about Roman Reigns finally surviving a bout with Brock Lesnar shows that it’s not just Goldberg who can do so, or how Samoa Joe really was as close to winning against Lesnar a month ago as he tells us he was.

Or! I could just reiterate that the ring is going to have Reigns, Strowman, Joe, and Lesnar together all at once, and there is no version of Lesnar more motivated than the one who gets to beat on multiple dudes at the same time while having to watch his back. Like I said before: So. Much. Beef.