#Barnaby the snowman??? Maybe???

[jamiekb]

Exploring the new Welcome Home Update

So here's my journey through the new update and the little details that it has, this will be a very long post and of course full of spoilers.

Look at the new design for the loading screen, so Christmas-y! I particularly love the antlers on Home's chimney.

Looking good Wally! And now we have new little doodles that seem to go with the holiday.

Ok so according to the admins no more bugs so wonder what will be different this time. Onto the news page then

Also I'm really digging the new background

Ok starting the FAQ now and some questions and answers are interesting. So they've been receiving more material covered in goop. They kinda adress in universe the move of the website, due to malicious material and in the code of the page.

And there is one new hidden message in the answers (I think) "The numbers are so hard to read. Sometimes I can't see them" So do we have to look for numbers now?

Took a detour through the stickers and they have new ones! There is Wally making a Home out of snow, sleeping Julie, I think Frank singing Carols to a butterfly, Poppy with a Jello thing, Eddie with a ton of presents to deliver, Howdy with some relatives, Sally as the star of a Christmas tree and Barnaby with a snowman.

Also with the "Welcome Home" banners two are a bit more desaturated now. And now that I think about it there are some stains in the main banner too

Neighborhood

Anyway unto the Neighborhood! Looks so cute although I'll be honest the clock tower is a bit weird and the trees feel a bit more intense at the edges or maybe that's just me

Eddie seems quite normal though now apparantly he has a mother, I'm confident that didn't use to be there. Is it weird that other than Wally hes the only one that didn't add anything new to his home for the season?

I think Howdy's description also changed a bit but nothing alarming. His store now seems to have signs welcoming his family for the holidays.

Checking Barnaby's description they seem to all have a bit more background info, since he apparently left his farm life to come to Home. Ok what does "Barnaby’s middle initial was often rotated in terms of what it stood for" mean???

Poppy is so cute! Is she holding cupcakes decorated like the characters or did she already do that? Ok but her new details feel very interesting: she claims to be able to fly but it's never shown and she never leaves her house to the point of being excluded from some events (like Wally's Homewarming party I guess)

Sallys is fine. She's besties with Poppy I guess and she can shine??? How do you make a puppet shine?? Were they roommates maybe?

Oh Julie got quite a backstory. Named siblings, she has paws and used to live in the forest on the outskirts of Home in a cave with her family. And she hibernates that's too cute!

Great my dear Frank still gets no background info (which is very interesting) but he goes get forced heteronormativity.

Ok and Wally is kinda similar, no background info just very dedicated to Home. And I''l see about coming back to the As above so below page since I can't seem to click it, might just be me. You can still see the goop at the doorstep though

Merchandise

Ok so first off the Merchandise page has a different background to the rest, some colorful static and took a bit to load.

oooh they even changed the layout for the phone since you could hear Wallys call, that's such a cool detail

Maybe I'll go back and see if Eddies or Sally's stories have been changed in the audio or transcipt but I'll stick to the new stuff for now. Now that i think about maybe Sally's doesn't have the bit where the transcript couldnt understand it.

Finally reached the wish book and I love it so much, this is so much work all around! My favorites are the Frank and Wally pillows, Eddie Dear Lil' Mailman's Kit, the Home Clock and specially the tree skirt! I now have to make those cute neighbors

Oh my god the record has the perfect Santa voice. And.. interesting that the ad cuts off when we get to Eddie. I'm not really surprised thought it would do something when it got to him or Frank, still suspicious.

Homewarming Story

The sound editing for all this new items is amazing!

I love the bit of the characters tripping up the narrators, this one just hasn't been able to get it right.

Hey is it me or in this one they've been a bit more insistent that Frank is a bit too literal but in a not so good way, not that much more intense but can't help but notice it. Seems a bit meaner

The return of Walliford!

Good to know Home uses he/him I guess

excuse me the fuck was that sound distortion???

and then it ends kinda abruptly, so that's that...

Where's my Eddie by the way, they didn't ask him and didn't find him while out on the town. I better hear him at some point or I will riot.

We have a code!

Ok so I was skimming the rest of the material before choosing what to listen to next and saw the cereal and craft at the back! So I guess now I have to find all the little drawings in the page and see when come from that

So I did listen to a few more songs, nice to see Eddie and Frank interacting as always, and noticed that in the transcript pages there are some entries for Mistery Audio, which are actually three of the previously hidden videos so that's interesting

Also not all the pages have four drawings some only one, so I've been trying to keep track which symbols i found where in case it matters. Still don't know what they're for just going around collecting them

Ok nvm I was doing things out of order and now that I got to media can see they are mentioned there

So after finally getting all the little things and going back to tumblr cause honestly I didnt really get what to do, I'm guessing it leads to a website, since one of the pages just has www as the code, so I'll try that I guess since I saw that there is a secret website somewhere. If it takes me too long I'll just look it up

Secret website

Nvm I'm too impatient at this point and I think i was missing a few letters so I just looked it up

Ok so that's interesting, so this person is kinda like the one behind the scenes talking to us along with whatever had infected the website before. They mention how the curator got sick (???) but is better now and that they'll try to update this website with the weird things they find

So the phone is one, like the weird glitched audio from Wally. This audio is interesting cause it plays out technically in real life but Wally speaks as if they are living out their lives...

And then moving on to the commercial they are speaking again of being compelled to know more, to see and wait. I'm sure some is curiosity but that can't be all

ohmygod this is more than 20 minutes long, the effort it must have taken Clown and team is monumental

that little animation is so cute!!!

fast forward many commercials and we have Eddie!!! And even a whole hand helping Poppy or something.

god the tobacco comercial of course they would have one

My poor Eddie boy is so anxious and depressed, why is no one talking to you bud? Like not getting him a present is a thing but not even Julie called him to play... and now is he's spiraling and even mad, that's unusual for sure. Also what's with the perspective of his videos, everything is a commercial or in the case of the secret videos it's interactions with other neighbors. This is more like the secret videos that we're seeing from someones POV, but not even that, we're observing him not looking through his eyes

Oh my poor Eddie is certainly going through it, who let them expose him to The Horrors? The horror aspect of this ARG sure has started to pick up speed, even I picked up some anxiety from that last segment

Also I did notice that Frank eventually dropped the Mr Dear for Eddie when he got more worried, almost like hes more worried than for an act that he has to put up huh?

So that was the newest Welcome home update. I can say it was everything I hoped for and more!!! The team behind it really gave it their all. From VAs for the audios to all the visual and graphic artists for the commercials its all so wonderful

[indecisive-dizzy]

Okay I’m gonna leave some random happy ideas because I need fluff

Frank and Eddie holding hands, they deserve it

Poppy and Sally baking together, Sally makes a mess but helps Poppy clean it up

Julie making a snowman that looks like Frank is something that hasn’t left my mind all day, Barnaby makes so many funny jokes about it

Wally and Home just vibing, evil home does not exist /hj

Howdy cleaning his bodega and listening to music, that’s all I want

Also I need Eddie and Howdy interactions in canon, they are so everything to me

Howdy becoming a butterfly and having pretty wings

I need more of Julie’s siblings, they’re underrated

I’m sorry if I’ve been sending a lot of stuff lmao, I’ve just been thinking a lot :]

Eddie would hold hands forever if he could,,, but Frank can't stand it after a while lol me too bud

Sally usually just observes bc when she does cook/bake it's a huge mess. Poppy doesn't really mind I think, she usually cleans as she goes so maybe it's not that big an issue!

Snowman Frank Snowman Frank Snowman Frank Snowman- ahem,,, I'm not funny! Barnaby's having a blast though

Home may not be evil but they are Sassy and Will Judge You. I personally believe Home is constantly rolling it's eyes at Everyone but Wally. also they love Wally so much,, like that's their lil guy! Barnaby has to share lmao Wally loves home too :)

Eddie and Howdy listening to music together in the bodega! They're just having a vibe together

Mmm butterfly howdy,,, may I direct your attention to @/carnivalcarrion for Yassified Howdy if you have not see the wonders already

I need to see Jonsey do literally anything,,,The design ever,, so pretty. Franny would step on me. I would thank her. Bea seems very sweet! I think she'd give good advice :)

[samshogwarts]

*bursts through the wall with confetti flying everywhere* Secret Santa is back!! And clueless. *slams head on desk* Does Samantha want only Charlie or other characters as well? If others are welcome, how would you like the? In the background or central roles? Also, I hope you’ve been a good little girl! *waves finger accusingly* Ps, nice work on the fan comic.

Oh my God! Santa is watching me and even reads my comic!!!! Aaaaaaahhhhh!!!!

And of course I am a good girl. You can ask everyone. I am always nice, lovely and calm. *hide the bodies in the closet*

But serious now xD your question. Of course other characters would be cool too! For example Samantha is also good friend with Bill, Fred and George as well. But also with Tulip, Tonks, Barnaby, Orion, Rowan, Talbott and McNully. But to be honest, I don't know of they should be more in the Backround or central xD.

But maybe it help you to know that Samantha is like me an absolutely Christmas fan. She like to bake cookies, decorating everything and everyone, having snowball fights, building snowmans, singing. The full program.

However, when it comes to wrapping gifts, she is very clumsy. She can even set fire to the Ravenclaw common room with scissors (nobody knows how she did it, not even herself). Therefore, besides biscuits, she doesn't give anything that she has made herself.

But I would also be happy about simple things that have to do with Samantha and Christmas. Whether picture, text or whatever. I hope this could help you. Otherwise just ask :)

[aion-rsa]

The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies

https://ift.tt/3lZGPFt

Technicolor lights are about to illuminate every other home in the neighborhood; carolers are marching through the streets; even that old tree in Rockefeller is shining brightly.

For some folks, that’s enough to make you want to grab an axe. But don’t do that. Watch demented men dressed as Santa Claus or a demon Krampus indulge your Anti-Christmas sentiments with maximum gore. Indeed, this list isn’t about the most charming, heartwarming, or schmaltzy Christmas viewing traditions. Nah, this is about the 20 grossest, nastiest, and all around most fun Christmas horror movies. The kind where the greatest gift you’re going to get on Christmas morning is escaping with your life and maybe some psychological triggers whenever you see jolly men in red suits.

Yep, these are the very best Christmas horror movies. Ho. Freaking. Ho.

Anna and the Apocalypse (2017)

Almost certainly one of the sweetest, most positive, and upbeat Christmas movies on the list is this wonderful feel good musical romance from director John McPhail, which also happens to be a zombie movie. It follows a group of friends in a small Scottish town who are just about to finish school and are making plans for the future when a zombie outbreak lands. 

Incredibly catchy tunes which take inspiration from Buffy musical episode Once More With Feeling, mix with inventive festive kills – zombie snowman decapitation is a highlight – in a way that manages not to tonally jar. It’s mostly thanks to the super-likeable performances of the young cast, headed up by Ella Hunt, and the teenage troubles, romances, and heartbreak which form the backdrop of the movie. Paul Kaye also pops up as the school’s tyrannical headmaster – his musical numbers aren’t the best but he brings cartoon villain energy to an unusual but rather adorable Christmas horror that’s way better than you might expect.

– Rosie Fletcher

Better Watch Out (2016)

Home Alone is surely one of the most popular and iconic Christmas movies of all time, though it is not, of course, a horror. However, if it was, it would look something like Better Watch Out, a slick reinvention of the home invasion sub-genre. Olivia DeJonge plays babysitter Ashley, who attempts to protect her charge, 12-year-old Luke (Levi Miller), when they are threatened by intruders in his home. But all is not as it seems.

DeJonge and Miller spar beautifully in a movie which plays with gender and coming of age tropes and includes handfuls of gruesome set pieces, while Ed Oxenbould brings comic relief. This is clever, funny and gruesome stuff from director Chris Peckover which might not become a new Christmas tradition but should definitely be watched at least once.

– Rosie Fletcher

Black Christmas (1974)

Getting stabbed by a unicorn head to the tune of carolers singing “Silent Night” is probably not how you want to spend Christmas Eve. This pre-Scream holiday slasher claims its victims in a sorority house haunted by creepy phone calls (sans ghost mask), demonic noises, bodies eerily shrouded in plastic wrap, and one perverse killer whose voice alone is enough to freeze your blood.

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When an unidentified caller keeps harassing your entire sorority house with obscene things you can only half-understand (because he sounds like a deranged Donald Duck that laughs like the Joker), you should run even if it is 10 degrees outside. The blizzard of murders keeps raging with one victim dragged screaming by a hook, and another bludgeoned to death. Never mind the one suffocated by plastic wrap and left next to the window like the vacant face of a doll staring out into the night. You’ll hardly sleep in heavenly peace after this one.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

Christmas Evil (aka You Better Watch Out) (1980)

In his one and only film as writer/director, Lewis Jackson crafted a smart and clever black comedy that’s more character study than straight horror film. John Waters insists it’s a comedy about a closeted transvestite (of a sort), but it’s much more than that—it’s the Taxi Driver of Yuletide shockers. Brandon Maggart plays a man who takes Christmas way too seriously. His home is filled with bright holiday decorations all year-round while Christmas carols are playing on the stereo. Santa is his role model, a symbol of all that is good and just in the world. He even works at a toy factory.

He so identifies with Santa, he takes to spying on the neighbor kids, keeping his own carefully annotated naughty and nice lists. But when he recognizes the level of cynicism and hypocrisy among his co-workers, bosses, and the people around town as the most joyous time of the year approaches, well, he goes a little funny in the head. He reaches for the suit and beard and axe, determined to reward the good and punish the evil.

Maggart has since tried to desperately distance himself from the film, but he gives a remarkable performance here as a completely isolated figure with a head swimming with both joy and rage. In the end, the film remains king of the sub-subgenre. Screw It’s a Wonderful Life and Rudolph. Apart from Blast of Silence and Invasion U.S.A., Christmas Evil is the only holiday film I watch annually.

– Jim Knipfel 

A Christmas Horror Story (2015)

Admittedly, a number of horror-based Christmas movie have gone with the anthology angle for their storytelling. Hell, this isn’t even the only anthology film on this list. A Christmas Horror Story may not be on a lot of people’s radar, but it’s a worthy installment that goes to some unusual places purely because both the Christmas and anthology playgrounds have gotten so bloated at this point. This film also benefits from being executed by a cabal of directors who are responsible for directing some of the best horror movies to come out of Canada in passing years, such as Splice, the Black Christmas remake, and the Ginger Snaps trilogy.

A Christmas Horror Story deliciously uses a radio DJ (William Shatner) as the connective tissue that holds together the four stories that comprise the film. Parables on ghost possession, clone doppelgangers, Krampus, and zombie elves all get their due here. The film also has a pretty inspired ending that actually casts the picture in a whole new light. It’s got Santa Claus fighting Krampus. What’s not to like?

– Daniel Kurland 

Dead of Night (1945)

Never play hide and go seek in a house where someone was murdered. While it might be best known for Michael Redgrave’s night-terror-inducing ventriloquist dummy scene that sparked the phobia of possessed puppets, Dead of Night also invites you to a Christmas party with a spectral guest. Spacecase Sally’s genuine terror at realizing what she thinks she saw is what she really saw will forever have you second-guessing shadows creeping in the cold. 

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What is obvious in this scene—encroaching darkness and shadows looming over what a place you know is haunted without ever having to hear the big reveal—is hardly as chilling as what is not so obvious until the truth silently materializes. The ghost of the little boy plays hide-and-seek with the other children as if warm blood courses through his veins. Unlike many stereotypical see-through phantoms of the era, this one doesn’t have that telltale translucence which would set off a chorus of screams. Being almost disturbingly normal is exactly what makes him so terrifying. 

– Elizabeth Rayne 

Eyes Wide Shut (1999)

Eyes Wide Shut was the non-denominational star at the top of Stanley Kubrick’s Christmas tree. Originally conceived as a Woody Allen vehicle, it almost starred Steve Martin after Allen insisted on reading the script from right to left. It is as much a cautionary tale as Dickens’ A Christmas Carol, bringing the whole family together with a different Christmas tree in almost every frame.  

Kubrick pours on the cheer from the opening sequence at the Christmas party where the first gifts are unwrapped, and oh boy are they unwrapped. Bill Harford, played by Tom Cruise, dives right into the muffled spirit of giving after he performs a more than charitable deed for the party’s host, played by Sydney Pollack.

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Harford spends most of the film looking for the perfect gift like a slow motion version of Jingle All the Way, rushing around from New York City’s famous toy repository FAO Schwartz to downtown specialty shops, to the suburbs, where he can find collectors’ editions. Cruise pays Harford like a wooden windup toy, and not a particularly cute one, either. In spite of all the colorful lights and trips above and below the rainbow, Harford just can’t get into the Christmas spirit. He’s not even moved by the uplifting seasonal tunings of “I Want a Boy for Christmas” by the Del-Vettes. He recovers his seasonal facilities while humming along to the chant during the climactic illuminati sex party, though! The song is actually “Here Comes Santa Claus” sung backwards in Latin, adding more menace to the proceedings than Silas Barnaby brought to Toyland in The March of the Wooden Soldiers.

– Tony Sokol 

Gremlins (1984)

Santa doesn’t exist… unless it’s your father in a red suit who met his untimely end trying to slide down the chimney with a sack of presents before getting stuck. Don’t tell that to the innocent bat-like ears of a harmless (for now) Mogwai. It’s exactly the kind of story you expect to hear while hunkering down in the shadows with a flashlight while a bunch of leathery green things with too many teeth ransack the neighborhood.

And as for Santa? That smell coming from the fireplace weeks later was no dead cat. Worst. Christmas story. Ever. 

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This movie should be on every hardcore horror fan’s holiday playlist just for the musical monstrosity of those reptilian things decked out in Santa hats and earmuffs singing “Deck the Halls” at the neighbors’ door, sheet music and all. This is continuing proof that animals have a sixth sense, because her yowling cat senses something off about the voices warbling “Joy to the World” outside. She’s right to have an aversion to Christmas carolers.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

Holidays (2015)

There have been so many holiday-themed horror films at this point—reaching Christmas and going far, far beyond that—so why not make an anthology film that takes that idea to the extreme? Holidays hits the expected staples such as Christmas, Halloween, and Valentine’s Day, but part of the fun here is how holidays with lesser expectations like Easter or St. Patrick’s Day deliver some truly horrifying content (seriously, the St. Patrick’s Day segment is disturbing, bonkers chaos).

The Christmas segment comes courtesy of Scott Stewart (Legion) and has Seth Green trying to survive the holiday as he attempts to get his son the perfect gift. Stewart’s installment feels very reminiscent of a Black Mirror episode with virtual reality, consumerism, and the dangers of mob mentality all playing their part here.

A lot of these anthology films also try to bank off of the name recognition and notoriety of the assembled directors, but Holidays proudly features a collection of mostly fresh faces (although Kevin Smith and Starry Eye’s Kevin Kolsch contribute segments). It’s fun to discover a bunch of new blossoming talents here.

– Daniel Kurland 

Jack Frost (1997)

This ain’t the cringeworthy father/son bonding vehicle starring Michael Keaton. No, this is the Jack Frost where the killer snowman’s nose functions as both a killing tool and a device to sexually assault his victims. All square? But hey, at the least the film isn’t afraid to ride its ridiculous premise as hard as possible.

First of all, an actual killer named Jack Frost crashes into a truck of “genetics material” that causes him to transform into this cold abomination in the first place. That sets the tone pretty nicely for the abundant murders, sex, and plot holes that plague the town of Snowmonton (yup). It’s hard to believe that this film got made, with all of the visuals being some real spectacles that you don’t typically see in the horror genre.

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Jack Frost is the perfect Christmas horror film to shut your brain off and watch, or the title that you should be selecting right in the middle of your deep eggnog haze. It’s utter nonsense, but it knows that it is and has tons of fun with itself. We need more talented individuals trying to tap into the killer snowman subgenre. There’s still a true classic waiting to come to life here.

– Daniel Kurland 

Krampus (2015)

Morbidly funny in its anti-holiday sarcasm and ridiculous demons, Krampus is like a mashup of the Griswolds, the Grinch, and every mythical beast that has ever been rumored to devour children on the naughty list. You’d rather get coal in your stocking than a killer jack-in-the-box jump scare… or find chilling hoof prints in the snow that are definitely not from Rudolph.

Krampus is one Yuletide monster actually worse than the Grinch. The grisly inspiration for this tale is a Germanic one about a hairy, horned, and cloven-hooved demon who stuffs naughty children in his sack and either beats them with a wooden switch or eats them (depending on who you ask). Also, his heart won’t grow three sizes from gorging on human flesh, either.

This version of Krampus is also hungry for anyone who’s lost their holiday spirit—whether or not you otherwise qualify for the nice list. Watch this with the lights off for the full effect of the power outage that works to the creature’s advantage as he goes hunting for holiday nonbelievers. Kids, don’t scorn Santa or Krampus will come to collect you.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

The Nightmare Before Christmas (1993)

There are some of us who know this movie verbatim and to the point where we will shamelessly break out singing “This is Halloween” and raise Jack’s quasi-Shakespearean monologue from the dead even in the middle of July. Or keep warning people that tragedy’s at hand. Or correct anyone who says there are 365 days until next Halloween by growling “364!” The stop-motion animation saga of the talking skeleton turned “Sandy Claws” bewitched an entire generation of ‘90s kids. 

Even people who hate Halloween will stare with delight and awe when Jack’s skull bursts out of a snowdrift, and he first puts colored lights in his eye sockets and explores every “what’s this?” in Christmas Town like a spook in a coffin shop. You just can’t help but love the adventurous skeleton, even if he does end up making haunted houses out of people’s living rooms on Christmas Eve. Whether you’d rather be making Christmas with strangely somber carols, reanimated reindeer or toys that bite back, it’s now an officially unofficial holiday classic.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

P2 (2007)

On the sillier end of the Christmas horror spectrum comes P2, a film named after a section in a parking lot, starring Wes Bentley and Rachel Nichols. She’s a business woman trapped in a multi-story parking garage on Christmas Eve, he’s the insane Security Guard who’s obsessed with her and really wants her to try his festive eggnog, so to speak. 

Camp and gory, this is the directorial debut of Franck Khalfoun who would follow it up with a remake of Maniac. The movie was co-written by Alexandre Aja who made one of the greatest cat-and-mousers ever in Switchblade Romance. The set up is formulaic, perhaps, but the game performances and relentlessness of the action makes this worthwhile. And if that’s not enough check out a deranged Bentley dressed as Santa, for the angel on the top of the Christmas tree.

– Rosie Fletcher

Rare Exports (2010)

There couldn’t possibly be a more sinister place to search for Santa’s ancient burial mound than in the frigid depths of Lapland. It’s the same supposedly enchanted place Dick van Dyke hiked to in the search for Santa in an ‘80s musical Christmas special, except this time you won’t find him in a cozy cottage with stockings hung by the chimney with care. You won’t find the guy in red from the mall, but anything that takes a disembodied pig’s head as bait couldn’t possibly be jingle-belling on a sleigh with eight tiny reindeer, especially when he seems to have a ravenous appetite for said reindeer. 

This time, “the spirit of the season” is literally the most malicious Christmas spirit that has ever terrorized the Yuletide. Even if you watch the whole thing in Finnish and don’t understand a word except the screaming, the ghost of the child in you that really did believe there was a guy in the North Pole will be forever traumatized. This glaze-eyed zombie incarnation of Mr. Claus doesn’t laugh like a bowl full of jelly. You better watch out, indeed.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Santa Claws (1996)

You do have to wonder what happened to John Russo along the line. 30 years after co-writing Night of the Living Dead, he came up with this decidedly sleazy but sadly unoriginal wonderment, which was much more focused on boobs than Yuletide butchery. In what by that point had become a battered cliché of the Slasher Santa subgenre, a young boy named Wayne (Grant Kramer) sees his mom having sex with a man wearing a Santa hat (!), and so murders them both. I’m not exactly sure how this transference would work in Freudian terms, but when he gets older, he a) becomes obsessed with a low-budget scream queen named Raven (played by low-budget scream queen Debbie Rochon) and b) decides he’s Santa.

As you might imagine, stalking someone when you’re wearing a Santa suit is no mean feat, but Wayne gives it his best shot. Most of the film, however, focuses on Raven and her extended family as she gets undressed a lot and wonders not only why that creep in the Santa suit keeps showing up everywhere, but why everyone around her keeps dying in a particularly bloody fashion. It can feel like there are two films going on here, a by-the-numbers stalker/slasher movie and a holiday horror film, which leaves me thinking Russo had one of them in mind, but after some eight-year-old smarty-pants came up with that clever “Santa Claws” pun, well, he just had to run with it.

– Jim Knipfel

Santa’s Slay (2005)

Christmas can sure scare the Dickens out of people. Hence why you can’t not watch a holiday horror flick in which Santa is the Antichrist, sentenced to 1,000 years of delivering gifts after losing a curling match with an angel, and played by former pro wrestler Bill “Who’s Next?” Goldberg.

As the only son of Satan (you know what they say about rearranging the letters in that name) whose grim legend is immortalized in the Book of Claus, he can now at last spread Christmas fear with weapons, karate kicks, hand grenades, exploding presents, and his own perverse idea of what “Ho ho ho” should really mean. Them’s the breaks once the bet’s terms are done.

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Santa’s methods of murder are fiendishly festive—to say the least. There is no naughty or nice list when it comes to an insatiable appetite for violence. He even knocks out poseurs in red suits and drives a sleigh with a rocket engine like it’s the Batmobile. Mall Santas everywhere are shaking in their pleather boots.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

Silent Night, Deadly Night (1984)

Naughty children get punished with more than just a stocking full of coal in this Christmas chiller. Just the opening scene with all those empty-eyed animatronic toys haunting a window display after-hours should tell you that this is not a movie that’s going to end in visions of sugarplums. Forget that it’s supposed to be the season of all things magical. Those things can be more terrifying than every single plastic skeleton and gaping zombie mask you’ll ever see in a haunted house around Halloween.

You’d better watch out for that psycho in the red suit who grabs a hatchet off the wall as if it was his bag full of toys and packs an automatic pistol in his fur-lined pocket, murdering misbehaving kids he’s been watching undercover of shadow. This sadistic Santa clearly doesn’t believe in sliding down chimneys—and the only red he’s interested in wearing is the blood of innocents. If that won’t convince you to stay awake because he sees you when you’re sleeping, you must be Freddie Krueger.

– Elizabeth Rayne

Silent Night, Deadly Night Part 2 (1987)

Three years after the shit-storm sparked by the original’s ad campaign, some smart cookie decided a sequel was necessary. A tough call there, given most all the principals were killed off pretty thoroughly the first time around, but still, right?

But there was money to be made, so they brought in an untested director (Lee Harry), a mostly untested crew, and a cast of mostly non-professional actors. After a half-dozen writers took a swipe at the script, they came up with a confounding but tepid rehash of the first film. This time around, and mostly in flashback, we learn that after the first killer Santa was sloppily dispatched at the end of Part 1, his brother Ricky becomes determined to uncover what went wrong.

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By Jim Knipfel

TV

100 Best Christmas TV Episodes of All Time

By Wesley Mead

He pays a visit to the sadistic Mother Superior at the Catholic asylum where his brother had been kept, and before you can say “ho ho ho,” Ricky ends up donning the red and white suit himself to do a little rampaging, though without nearly half of his brother’s imagination. They even used the same fucking poster design, just slapped a “2” on it. I guess hoping they might raise the same sort of ruckus the first one had. Sadly, it was too late for that.

– Jim Knipfel 

Sint (2010)

Dutch director Dick Maas took some early steps toward Krampus territory with his re-imagining of the legend of the warm-hearted Saint Nick. Borrowing heavily from earlier Italian, Spanish, and American horror films, as well as Danish folklore, “Sinterklaas” here was actually a bloodthirsty medieval murderer and all around brute who oversaw a savage reign of terror. Finally fed up with all his nonsense, the ornery local villagers banded together on the night of Dec. 5 and lynched him. As per tradition, however, in the moments before he died Sinterklaas vowed vengeance from beyond the grave, promising to return every 32 years on that very night to do bad and icky things to the villagers’ descendants.

Over the centuries, the story was mainstreamed and soft-pedaled, becoming part of the local folklore. The character of Saint Nick became much more benevolent and child-friendly so as not to scare the wee folk. Then, well, wouldn’t you know it? That anniversary creeps around again, Sinterklaas is true to his word, and Amsterdam turns all bloody, leaving it up to an intrepid teenager named Frank to put a stop to the mayhem.

Read more

Movies

The Best Christmas Movie Soundtracks of All Time

By Ivan Radford

TV

The Twilight Zone Marathon: A History of a Holiday Tradition

By Arlen Schumer

A stylish, wicked, and hugely entertaining take on the darker history of a beloved legend. It was also the top grossing film in Denmark in 2010, which either says something about the Danish film industry or the Dutch themselves.

– Jim Knipfel

Tales From the Crypt: And All Through the House (1972)

The Crypt Keeper first emerged as a ghoulish EC Comics horror host in the pages of Tales From the Crypt who crawled onto the big screen in this horror anthology, welcoming unknowing tourists to his catacombs with bony arms open. What the tourists don’t know is that they’re all recently deceased. The invite is to a subterranean story-time in which he unearths the gruesome details of their deaths with a gap-toothed grin. Creatures are obviously stirring when killer wife Joanne is stalked by a homicidal Santa in this warped homage to ‘Twas the Night Before Christmas titled (appropriately enough) “… And All Through the House.”

So it is that “O Come All Ye Faithful” is interrupted while playing on the radio by a scratchy warning of a homicidal maniac run amok. And wouldn’t you just know it, this occurs right as Joan Collins is offing her husband with a shot to the head—and then realizes she has to dismember the body before cashing in on his life insurance. Her blissfully naïve daughter lets the killer jolly old elf in, shrieking that Santa finally came before he erupts into psychopathic rage. Clement C. Moore must be turning in his grave.

– Elizabeth Rayne 

The Wolf of Snow Hollow

Certainly less purely Christmas-y than other entries on this list, The Wolf of Snow Hollow is nonetheless a wintry delight set during the holiday season. Carols play ominously in the background during key moments, and the immaculately snowy white setting of Snow Hollow, Utah is broken only by splashes of color from lights on homes and Christmas trees. Oh yes, and the blood of the titular werewolf’s victims.

Read more

Movies

The Wolf of Snow Hollow Review: A Quirky Werewolf Movie

By Don Kaye

Movies

13 Must-See Werewolf Movies

By Mike Cecchini

Jim Cummings’ film is heavy on cozy, ski town holiday atmosphere without leaning on its actual Christmastime setting at all. But good werewolf movies are a rare breed indeed these days, and a werewolf movie set at Christmas? Well…now you know what to watch when the moon is full each December

Mike Cecchini

Got any other suggestions for Christmas horror movies that we missed? Let us know in the comments!

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The post The 21 Best Christmas Horror Movies appeared first on Den of Geek.

from Den of Geek https://ift.tt/2Jwjb4Q

[slytherin-puffskein]

don’t cry, snowman.

Don't cry, snowman, not in front of me Who'll catch your tears if you can't catch me, darling If you can't catch me, darling Don't cry, snowman, don't leave me this way A puddle of water can't hold me close, baby Can't hold me close, baby

summary: Instead of celebrating Christmas at Hogwarts as he usually does, Laurent King decides to help out at his aunt’s bakery. A surprise comes to him, hilarious for many, despicable to him. Oscar Whelan is here to give him support, but Laurent realizes that he might be the one to give support instead.

notes: Merry Christmas, you guys!!! Here is a mix of fluff and angst!

- - -

Hey Laurent.

Are you having a good time at Hogwarts? I sure hope so. I can’t say I’ve been having a lot of fun, honestly: Exams, studying, exams, studying. Oh, wait, I forgot something else. Exams again. There you go. Now you can understand what I have to deal with.

But let’s turn these frowns upside down! I often say that, huh? And you seem to hate it an awful lot, judging by the way you roll your eyes whenever I say it. Heh! What are cousins supposed to do, besides annoying each other? Anyway, I’m getting off topic. Christmas holidays are coming! Are you staying at Hogwarts, or coming home to your dad’s? I’m not twisting your arm or anything, but if I’m honest, the bakery could really, really use your help. We’re about to face the Christmas rush, after all… but fear not! We have an idea to deal with it. And believe me, it’s going to be really, really fun. You like fun, don’t you? So think about it, please! Mum, Dad and I will greet you with open arms. How about you spend Christmas with us as well? Your old man doesn’t seem to appreciate the holiday as much as he used to… anyway. Write me back!

Love,

Cyril.

Laurent should have expected that his cousin was manipulating him as soon as he had read the words ‘it’s going to be really, really fun’. Of course such sentence would be used to catch his attention, how had he been so blind? I promise you, Cyril had said as soon as he had set foot into the bakery, coat still on and heavy luggage numbing his fingers, it’s going to be a blast. Like a fool, Laurent had believed him, because hey, it’s Christmas. No one gets tricked on Christmas, right?

Newsflash: Laurent has been extremely, terribly, badly wrong. He has been, as unlikely as it sounded, tricked, and the fact that it was coming from Cyril came across as a huge punch on his pride. Since when was he able to do such thing? Wasn’t he, like, too earnest to pull this sort of thing? Decidedly, Laurent didn’t really know his cousin. If at all.

As he pulled out the Christmas Elf costume out of a fancy, shiny bag, Laurent went quite close to grab his stuff and leave. “You’ve got to be kidding me.” Somehow, his brain had done all the equations needed, and he had exactly figured out what was about to happen. Remnants of memories came to him, ones of a conversation he had overheard between his aunt and uncle:

The holidays are always a good time to promote our bakery. Just what could we do, hm? Organize some kind of event, perhaps?

He had paid little thought to these words, but, Merlin, he should have. Maybe then, he would have answered differently to Cyril’s letter.

“I’m dead serious, Lau. Mum got the best of the best of ideas! I swear, let--stop walking away, let me tell you, sit down and have a croissant and just listen!” Reluctantly, Laurent did so, but took himself a macaron instead. “Now, what do kids like, huh? Sugar! Of course they like that! And what does our bakery sells, you ask?”

“Cyril.” A sigh heaved from Laurent’s lips as he titled his head, half annoyed, half fearful. “Just tell me what I have to do… though I think I have it figured out by now.”

A smile came to grace his cousin’s features. What a handsome man! anyone would have said. What a prick, Laurent was currently thinking. He knows exactly what he is doing. Oh Merlin, I should have stayed at Hogwarts. I could have been sipping hot cocoa with Barnaby. BARNABY! And now-- “Well,” Cyril spoke again, brandishing the costume proudly. “We made a deal with the local mall, we’re gonna host a Meet Santa stand! Isn’t that, like, the best idea ever? I’m tellin’ you so! Dad’s gonna dress as Santa, Mum’s gonna be Santa’s wife. And I will be the kind man offering free pastries to children to encourage them, and their parents, to visit our bakery! Which leaves you--”

“As the lovely Christmas Elf.” Despite how disarrayed he seemed, a smile curved his lips, because even he had to admit it: the situation was hilarious. Anyone would have laughed at Laurent, so why not do the same, huh? Maybe it will help me deal with this. Just… smile and laugh, my guy. Smile and laugh.

“The lovely Christmas Elf indeed! You’ll take pictures of the kids when they sit on Dad’s— Santa’s lap. You’re going to be great!”

Smile and laugh. Smile and laugh.

* * *

Smile and laugh. Smile and laugh. Despite repeating himself these words like a mantra, shame kept blossoming inside his chest, spreading through his entire body until it even reached his fingertips. I. Look. Ridiculous. This is the day I die, most definitely. Oh Merlin. Wait a second. Do people from my middle school come to this mall…? Oh NO, they definitely fucking DO, this is the fucking local fucking mall. Dear Merlin, this is it. Leave orchids on my grave. My life is over. And it’s going to end with me wearing shorts and thighs.

Striped thighs with the colors reminiscent of a candy cane, along with a bright green shirt and shorts as well as a ridiculous hat. To top it off, he had to wear pointy shoes… and fake elf ears. Not to mention the glitter his aunt insisted to put on his cheeks.

My, you look lovely, she  had said while combing his hair with her fingers, trying (and failing) to make them look more proper. Your mother would be proud. You know, she had quite the Christmas spirit! She wanted to name you Noel, but eventually settled on Laurent. Laurent hadn’t said anything, had simply forced a smile, but only one comment only floated over his mind: she wouldn’t have been proud to see me wear such a ridiculous outfit, believe me.

Prideful, much?

Seeing the kids happily yelling at the sight of who they believed to be Santa Claus made all of this somewhat worthy, however. After photographing kid after kid sitting on his uncle’s lap while listing to him the gifts they wanted, he had almost, almost forgotten about his ridiculous outfit. Hell, he even became sort of playful; chatting with children and pretending to be an actual Elf from the North Pole. They were mesmerized, needless to say, and none of them had seemed to notice just how fake his ears were. Well, I’m making them dream. That’s good. Dreaming is the best thing to do.

He had forgotten about one tiny, tiny thing, however. The day before, he had been… well, no need to sugarcoat it: he had been horrified at the thought of looking so ridiculous. And so, in the depths of his despair, he had called his best friend Oscar Whelan and had… well, ranted quite a lot. And made sure to apologize at the end of the conversation once he realized how had been acting. God, I must seem like the biggest drama queen, huh? You’re not seeing it right now, but I’m blushing like hell. He had heard Oscar’s laugh, then his voice. Come on Lau, I called you to whine when I lost my favorite book. I was almost crying. Tell me who is overreacting, now? Alright, maybe still you because it was an amazing book, but you get my drift.

That had made him laugh. Oscar always made him laugh. But as he showed up near the stand, his little sister propped up on his hip, Laurent wasn’t laughing at all. In fact, he was pretty sure his features had gone white. Oh. My. God. Of course he would show up, his sister loves Santa Claus! The thought of hiding behind one of the fake Christmas trees crossed his mind, but he ultimately shoved it away. No, come on. I can do this. I handled kids seeing me like this, why not Oscar? Why should I be embarrassed? Ignoring his heart that was hammering against his ribs, he made a step towards the lineup only to notice Oscar had vanished… and had, actually, made his way over the fake snow to him.

“Hey—”

Laurent cut him, however. Since they were standing a few steps from Santa’s chair, he immediately grabbed Oscar’s wrist and pulled him away so that people won’t think he was thinking of cutting the line.

And as they were far enough, Laurent’s burning cheeks came to hit him full force. “Why are—”

Oscar’s smile was already present, and wasn’t about to leave, Laurent was quite sure of it. As opposed to Cyril’s smile, however, it wasn’t annoying him. Not at all. In fact, it warmed him up, and made him believe that, hey, maybe Oscar seeing me in that costume isn’t that bad after all.

“Aw come on, you exaggerated on the phone! You’re adorable!”

Nevermind. Laurent playfully smacked Oscar’s arms, a smile on his lips. “Don’t say that! I look like a huge idiot, have you seen my hat? The glitter?”

“When Aine begged me to go see Santa at the mall, I firstly knew I couldn’t resist to her smile. And then, it dawned on me: I had to accept anyway, I couldn’t miss the opportunity of seeing such an adorable elf~”

At the mention of ‘elf’, Aine finally pulled her face away from her brother’s shoulder, landing her gaze on Laurent. Immediately he got ready to put on his Christmas Elf act, but was most surprised when the girl blew a raspberry, clearly unimpressed.

“You aren’t a real elf! You’re Laurent, Oscar’s friend! I know, because, because he tells me a lot about you and--”

“And suddenly you aren’t tired anymore, little one?” Oscar piped up. Laurent was so busy shoving back his embarrassment as far as possible, he had made no notice of his friend’s blushing cheeks. “Shall I assume that you pretended to be so that Big Brother Oscar would carry you? Hmmm?”

Little Aine giggled, and began grabbing at Oscar’s hair. As messy as always, just like Lau’s. “Sorryyyyyyyyy.” And then she shifted her attention back to Laurent, staring with wonder at him. “You’re really cute!”

“Isn’t he?” Oscar commented. “Look at that costume. Makes me want to pinch his cheeks.”

“Oscaaaar!” Aine suddenly exclaimed. “We need to get in line! I don’t wanna miss Santa!” Her excited expression just made Laurent realize how adorable children were. Maybe he could have one, someday.

If he ever finds someone to love. Right now, he has very little hope, but that was surely stemming from typical teenage angst, to think you aren’t made for anyone.

Oscar pretended to let out an exasperated sigh, but never did his smile leave his lips. Aine giggled, then yelped as Oscar put her on his shoulders. “Alright, kiddo, let’s go meet your idol. Do you think he accepts autographs? I’ve got a friend, she loves Santa and would love an autograph… what d’ya think, Lau?”

Aine’s giggle only became greater, and Laurent couldn’t help but play along, scratching his chin. “Mhm, that’s a good question, Oscar. I am no true Elf, so I cannot say for sure since I do not know Santa that well… but I’m certain he’d be glad to.” And he winked.

Oscar winked back. “Got it. See ya, cutie.”

Laurent’s reply was instant: “I’m not cute! Not in this costume! I’m ridiculous!”

"Hmm, alright, Ridiculous.” Oscar titled his head, and while many would have told him to shut up, Laurent was too busy admiring the glitter of joy in his eyes. And after all, despite how he was acting, he wasn’t annoyed at all. Oscar would never do anything to truly annoy him, he knew very well of his boundaries. “No, I don’t like that nickname. Nuh-uh. What can I call you, I wonder? How about Elf Man? Got a nice ring to it if you want my opinion. Alright then. Elf Man it is!”

Laurent’s reaction came so suddenly, it even took him by surprise. One minute he was smiling, the other he was roaring with laughter, hands on his ribs and eyes squeezing shut. Oscar Whelan truly was able to make him feel happy, wasn’t he? He tip toed to ruffle his hair, then, with a flick of the hand, gestured him to go. “Go, now! My lunch break’s soon, how about we all grab something together?”

Oscar’s smile was the softest thing he had ever seen. “I’d love that.”

* * *

Right, they didn’t immediately eat. Oscar’s little sister was so excited about the fact that she had finally met Santa Claus that they had to tire her a little before they could sit in peace, and so they had visited some of the many, many shops that the mall held… while Laurent was still in his costume. He has been so enthusiastic about spending time with Oscar, the thought of changing clothes hadn’t even brushed his mind.

Another thought did, however, but he quickly shoved it away: the desire to tell Oscar everything. About himself. About his friends. About his school. About what was, basically, his secret life. The life he was hiding from his best friend. Maybe we can just sit there, and, after we eat, I tell him everything. Hey, Oscar. I’m a wizard. I’m a wizard and I go to a school for wizards. My friends are wizards. Oh Merlin, I’m saying the word ‘wizard’ an awful lot, am I? Anyway. Please accept me. Please remain my friend. Please don’t be freaked out. And don’t tell anyone. I know you won’t do such thing, but still.

The bitter truth, the one that he cannot tell him anything, quickly hit him, tightening his chest and making him stop in his tracks to breathe deeply, thus birthing Oscar’s concerns. Are you ok, Lau?

Yes I am. Don’t worry about me. He remained still for a moment, shoved all of his fears aside, and kept on walking. In order to make him laugh, as they visited a toy store, Oscar decided to joke around with a teddy bear, holding it and talking with a ridiculous voice. It worked, and even Aine began to laugh as well, and eventually got hungry. They all finally sat down to eat at the food court, savoring the delicious pizzas they bought. Dessert came fairly quickly, and while Oscar paid Aine a delicious chocolate milkshake, he and Laurent found themselves enjoying a bowl of candy cane flavored ice cream. Each holding a spoon they happily ate, and conversation came soon enough.

“How are things with Alyssa?”

Alyssa Buckley, known to Laurent as Oscar’s girlfriend. According to his letters they have been dating for two months, but Laurent had never gotten the opportunity to ask questions about her. After all, he would rather talk of this girl with Oscar while face to face… and that was exactly what he was doing at the moment.

Unexpectedly, his friend’s smile wavered, and he took himself a spoonful of ice cream. “We broke up. About a week ago. I got so caught him in the Christmas craze, getting gifts for everyone, that I forgot to tell you… sorry.”

Oh Merlin. I fucked up. Now he’s going to be sad over his breakup. Stupid Laurent, stupid Laurent! An apology immediately came, but he was surprised to see Oscar shrug.

“I’m not… I’m not as hurt as I think I am supposed to be, oddly enough.” He took himself some more ice cream, but didn’t eat it immediately. He simply stared at his spoon, the usual sparkle in his eyes flickering, threatening to die down. “I must sound like a jerk, no? I just… I had the feeling it will end up like this. I had time to prepare myself for it. After all, it always ends up like this with people I date.” That last sentence held great bitterness, and Laurent could only helplessly stare. He had never dated. Never kissed. How could he possibly be of help? “No matter how hard I try,” Oscar spoke again, lowering his spoon and looking down at his hands. “My… My mind always turns back to the same person. Every time. Even though I know I have no chance.”

Now, he had to say something. The words naturally came, without him having to think them through: “You don’t know that, Oscar.” To punctuate his words he reached for his hand, intertwining their fingers slowly.

Oscar took a brief look to their linked fingers, sighing. “Believe me, I do.” His gaze went to meet his, and Laurent’s heart bled with disarray as he saw the look in his eyes.

The joy had vanished, giving way to pure despair coupled with a silver of acceptance. He was heartbroken, but willing to endure it, to give up on his love, as if he felt he wasn’t worthy enough. How painful, Laurent told himself. I can’t imagine how that must feel...

A horrible silence, caused by Oscar’s sadness, settled in and Laurent knew one and one thing only: he could in no way handle seeing his best friend like this. I need to cheer him up. That’s what I gotta do! I’m his best friend, it’s time to fucking deliver! His mischievousness provided him with an idea, and he was quick to take a spoonful of ice cream. He moved as if to eat it… but then suddenly pressed it against Oscar’s nose. “Y’know, if your nose gets red because of the cold, you could be Rudolph for the Meet Santa stand~”

Merlin. It’s a terrible joke. Fuck. He had feared his plan wouldn’t work, but his shoulders relaxed as Oscar began to laugh softly, previously flickering lights of joy steadily going back to life in his eyes as he reached for his own spoon. “You want to play that game, King? I’m sure you will look adorable covered with ice cream~”

He inched closer and Laurent raised his arms to protect himself, pure laughter shaking his shoulders. “Ack, no! You’re gonna ruin my makeup, Whelan! And the costuuuuume!”

“Don’t worry, I won’t ruin your amazing costume.” Oscar giggled, moving his spoon towards Laurent. “I insist however, you take it, I’m not that hungry.”

Laurent was fairly quick to eat the ice cream. After all, how could he possibly miss such opportunity? He gave Oscar a smile, one that, he hoped, conveyed all the love he held for him.

“Keep hope, Oscar.” He said. “You’re an amazing man, anyone would be lucky to date you. I’m sure the girl— or guy that you like reciprocates your feelings. If not, they’re an idiot.”

Silence clung to the air again, but it was a comfortable one. At last Oscar turned to his sister, who was drowsing on her chair. “Well, I guess I have to bring this kiddo back home. How bad do you think my mum will kill me if she learns I let her drink that monstrous amount of milkshake?”

“Really bad. I’ll bring flowers to your funeral.”

“You better.”

They stood up and while Laurent expected Oscar to pick up his sister, he instead stepped forward to pull him into a hug. Right, it’s true, we always do that before we leave. But this hug… it’s… It was the most loving hug he had gotten from Oscar Whelan. Right, all of his hugs were loving, but that one’s love felt stronger. Much stronger, and Laurent allowed himself to sink into that love by hugging him as tight as possible. They swayed together for a while, just a little.

I love him so much. He’s the greatest friend.

As they pulled away, Oscar pressed a kiss on Laurent’s forehead, then carefully picked up his sister. “See you, Lau.”

[slytherin-puffskein]

Withered Orchid

Note: the / / / symbol followed by italicized text, then finished with / / / again represents a flashback. I also want to stress on the fact that this is an Alternate Universe. It is not the canon Barnalau story.

* * *

/ / /

“If you mess with Merula, I’ll vanish your bones” Barnaby said with a cocky voice, a smile on his face as he tilted his head.

He couldn’t look more proud over what he just said. Now, he was showing exactly why Merula chose him ! Because he was strong and scary ! By seeing him, King will definitely falter, and Merula won’t have problems with him anymore ! After all, his threatening skills were pretty damn solid... right ?

Laurent Dorian King, however, didn’t look impressed. He barely stared back at Barnaby, checking his nails instead and

( mmm, they’re starting to get long, I should clip them )

not paying any sort of attention to Barnaby. After a few more seconds of silence, during which Barnaby did his best to keep on his smile, Lau finally looked up.

“Oh... so you were, like, already done ? Vanish my bones and that’s all ? That’s juvenile”

Barnaby’s eyes widened, so much that for a second, Lau feared they might fall out of their sockets and fall on the floor ( plop ! ). Finally, though, the other Slytherin opened his mouth to speak... but he realized he had no idea what juvenile meant. Lau rolled his eyes, and took a step forward, which made Barnaby almost jump in surprise.

“Now, you’re the one who is going to listen to me, Mr.I’m-Merula’s-New-Pet. The last thing I need is you and Ismelda trying to bother me, so we’ll make a deal, all right ?”

He suddenly pressed his index finger against Barnaby’s chest.

“You are going to leave me alone, and I am going to leave you alone ! Is that a deal ? Oh wait, I’m gonna answer for you: yes, it’s a deal ! So now you better walk away and never speak to me again”

And with that, King spun around, his wizard robes fluttering around him, and he left the Potions Classroom. Barnaby Lee was now alone... if you ignored Snape who was giving him an annoyed look.

/ / /

The sky is in different tones of grey as Barnaby keeps marching forward. His cheeks feel cold, as well as his hands, and he can feel his fingers tremble sightly. He should have checked the weather forecast before dressing up, he would have brought a coat. Now, because of the snow twirling in the air, his shoulders were covered in white powder. Luckily, it was pretty light, and would drag itself away as soon as Barnaby would move. At least, he was lucky with that.

Shit, did he shave ? He brings his fingertips to his chin, feeling the slight stubble. Oh, no. He totally forgot... but hopefully, people will be willing to ignore it and simply avert their eyes.  How deeply he wishes that... but that scenario might not happen. He is well aware that everyone’s attention will be on him, and him only. He nervously squeezes his small orchids bouquet. Purple, and absolutely beautiful. Like his own little orchid. His own small, redheaded, beautiful orchid.

( stop calling me that, you numpty !, Lau would giggle. )

It was probably the only times he didn’t mind being called as such, and that said a lot. He keeps walking, the snow crunching under his footsteps.

/ / /

“I don’t understand anything” Barnaby whined, before pulling his textbook away and slamming his face against his hands.

Merlin, what kind of class was Herbology anyway !? Watch over a bunch of weird flowers, water them and take notes !? What... what was interesting about that anyway ? Laurent King, however, seemed absolutely fascinated, and he giggled at Barnaby’s reaction.

“Come on, Barnaby, it’s not that bad. Your Valerian is in pretty good shape, in fact ! It might just need a little bit of water... and dragon dung... and...”

He quickly trailed off as he realized Barnaby’s Valerian might not be as good as he initially thought, and smiled shyly... before stepping closer to Barnaby.

“Come on now, Sprout isn’t looking” he whispered. “Let me help you !”

Barnaby finally removed his hands from his face, and he stared at his small friend.

“H-Help me... ?”

The last person who helped him in any class was Merula Snyde, and she kept calling him an absolute idiot. For a moment, he dreaded that Lau might do the exact same thing... but the redhead gently smiled at him, then observed his Valerian.

“Yes, help you ! I’m a sucker for Herbology, Barnaby. Follow my advice, and your Valerian will look absolutely beautiful !”

Valerian, what a pretty name, he couldn’t help but think. He then stared at Barnaby with a smile.

“So ? What do you say, Barny ?”

And his eyes widened as the nickname showed up by itself. Barny !? Oh Merlin, Barnaby will hate it, Laurent was certain of it...

But as he looked at Barnaby Lee, he saw that the boy was beaming.

“I’m in ! Teach me everything, Lau !”

/ / /

As he finally reaches his destination, Barnaby spots a familiar figure. Once he gets closer, he recognizes Merula Snyde. She, as opposed to Barnaby, checked the weather forecast, and she decided to wear a fancy black coat, her hands stuffed into her pockets. Her cheeks are sightly rosy, surely due to the terrible cold. It seemed like whenever a second passed, the air would suddenly get chillier. Barnaby couldn’t help but wonder if by midnight the entire city will be a block of ice.

“Hey, Barnaby” the young woman finally says.

Barnaby simply nods. Maybe the cold prevented his lips from moving too much. Or maybe he just wishes to not speak at all. Whatever the reason, Merula keeps speaking anyway.

“Gotta say, we all have a terrible timing” she mutters. “Everyone’s gonna freeze their asses off by the time it’s over”

“Well, there’s dinner at my place afterwards” Barnaby shrugs. “I guess I’ll just have to make something warm...”

“What, were you planning to serve ice cream or something ?” the young witch exclaims.

Barnaby can only shake his head. Speaking that amount already exhausted him, since he haven’t been talking much since the past few days. His vocal chords were strained, and trying to push out a single noise from them demanded great effort. For a few minutes, there was only silence between them. The snow kept slowly falling, and Barnaby watched as it landed on Merula’s hair.

( Ah, just a lot more and she’ll start looking like a snowman. I should get a carrot... )

“Remember when you first met Lau... ?” Merula shyly asks. “You told me he pretty much yelled at you the entire time... what is it you told him, already ?”

A weak giggle escapes Barnaby’s lips.

“If you mess with Merula, I’ll vanish your bones”

“Wow, were you even that good at magic to do that ?”

“Probably not, I just wanted to... impress him, sort of scare him”

A small smile shows up on Merula’s lips, but silence falls upon them again. It seems as if none of them are able to carry the conversation.

“Did you... did you know ?” Merula finally asks.

And Barnaby feels himself freeze.

/ / /

It was a warm summer day, and Barnaby Lee had never felt this good before. He was relaxed, he was calm, he was... happy. And all of this was because Laurent Dorian King was with him. He was certain that this was the sole reason of his great mood. Not the fresh grass they were laying on, not the clear blue sky without any clouds, not even the delicious pie that they will bake later. No, he was happy because Laurent was with him.

On this weekend, Charles Edward King had a business trip in order to try and associate the King-Clemence farm with bigger, more successful farms. As a way to take advantage of the situation, Lau invited his friend for a weekend of unrestrained fun. After all the struggles they had that were linked to the past school year, they needed some time to relax together at least once during vacations.

“This feels so good...” Barnaby breathed out.

He never thought that laying on a field would be this great. Lau was right next to him, making a flowercrown with a bunch of orchids he found. Purple, his favourites. Barnaby, on the other hand, 

( why do you like orchids so much ?, Barnaby had asked him once )

( because people see them as pretentious flowers, Lau replied. I decided to not judge them as fast )

preferred sunflowers. Huge, beautiful sunflowers. Maybe one day he can ask Lau to make a sunflower crown for him... that would be pretty cool. He turned to his friend to ask him, but he suddenly saw his expression: a profoundly sad and thoughtful one, and Barnaby immediately learned that he hated seeing his dear friend like this. He frowned, looking at Lau.

“Lau... ? What’s wrong ?”

Lau’s hands suddenly froze... and he slowly turned to Barnaby. Their eyes met, chocolate and emerald. As Lau weakly smiled, Barnaby’s chest tightened. He’s so caring, he doesn’t want me to worry...

“You know how I told you my mom died from an illness, right ?”

Oh yeah, Lau definitely told him about that... he nodded slowly, wondering what Lau exactly wanted to talk about. His friend suddenly turned to look at his orchids again.

“My mum loved daisies. And orchids. I guess I lied a little to you, that time you asked me why I liked them so much... I like them not only because they are misunderstood, but also because my mum adored them. Tending to them... feels like I’m still with her, in some way”

With his fingertips, he gently caressed a purple petal. He might have been too harsh, though, since it slowly fell on his chest.

“She was sick... so sick, Barnaby. It was unbearable to see. She... she looked like a zombie, a few days before she died. And she wouldn’t speak, she wouldn’t move. She’d just stare. Stare at us without a word, not even a smile... and that was terrifying”

For a seven years old boy, at least. He sighed softly, staring at the sky and extending his arm, as if he was aiming to catch it.

“Sometimes, I wonder if she’s out there, looking for me... cheering for me. Because I try so hard for her, Barnaby. I try so hard to live so that her death will mean something. That despite what happened, I’m still able to... to do my thing, you know ? And I know she would have hated it if I had simply let grief swallow me up...”

Barnaby listened carefully, as if he was listening to the most serious, yet most fascinating tale. By the time Lau was over, they were hugging each other, in that large, empty field.

Then they made a strawberry pie.

/ / /

“I knew” Barnaby admits at last.

Merula stares at him... but she doesn’t say anything. That’s Barnaby’s cue to continue.

“He told me how his mother had it, and how terrible it was for him. He was... he was just a child, and he had to see this... I don’t know how he managed to stay this positive afterwards”

Back in Hogwarts, you would rarely see Laurent Dorian King with a long face. He’d always be smiling, giggling and trying to cheer his friends up by offering them flowers or comforting words, sometimes both. Merula can’t hold back a sad smile.

“It’s Lau. That’s just how he is...”

A little ray of sunshine, Barnaby thinks. A beautiful orchid, misunderstood yet beautiful.

Because boy, did people misunderstood Lau. Weak, fag, coward, all of these words would be said about him only because he dared to be his delicate, flower loving self. Whenever he’d stand up against bullies, people just seemed to turn a blind eye to that, and only focus on what was deemed as ‘girly’, therefore ‘weak’ to several mean male students..

“Yeah, that’s just how he is...” Merula repeats herself at last.

“He didn’t tell me it was hereditary” Barnaby suddenly confesses. “He thought it wouldn’t get him. He thought he was strong enough to avoid it”

“Emphasis on the word ‘thought’” Merula replies bitterly.

Indeed, huge emphasis.

“Let’s head inside” Barnaby says at last, eyeing the giant building.

“Yeah, let’s do that. I’m freezing”

He wraps his arm around her shoulders, mostly because he needs to be close to someone.

/ / /

“Merlin, can I say how terrible Madam Puddifoot’s Tea Shop is ?” Lau asked, laughter in his voice. “I can’t believe Tonks and Charlie made us live this complete mess !”

Barnaby started laughing as well, and he wrapped his arm around Lau’s shoulders. It was getting darker, so it was starting to get cold... but really, his main objective wasn’t to warm Lau up. It was, in fact, his second. His true goal was to simply be closer to him... and Merlin, did that feel good.

“How about we plan our second date already, to forget about that Tea Shop ?” Barnaby joked. “We could have a fun time in the Magical Creatures Reserve... that would be amazing !”

“Oh, yes !” Lau exclaimed, his eyes suddenly filling themselves with stars. “And think about how many flowers we can find there ! Maybe beforehand we can also have a nice picnic in front of the Great Lake...”

And he gave Barnaby his most charming smile, and the Slytherin’s heart skipped a beat. He’s so cute.

Suddenly, however, Lau froze, and turned to Barnaby.

“Does that... does that mean you want a second date... ?”

A smile immediately showed up on Barnaby’s lips... and he nodded.

“I’d absolutely love to, Laurent. But only if you want to”

“Of course I do ! I-I’ve just been so scared I screwed up the date. I mean, the Tea Shop was terrible”

“But you know what wasn’t... ?” Barnaby asked with a shy look on his face. “You. It might sound cheesy, but... this was my most amazing date”

“But you told me you never had dates before” Lau said, skeptical.

“Yeah... true. But it’s the best, because... because it was with you, and I’d love to have a second date with you...”

And now, they were blushing. As bright as tomatoes, the both of them.

“I, too, would love to have a second date with you, Barny” Lau whispered softly.

Then... it simply happened. Lau tip toed closer to Barnaby, and Barnaby wrapped his arms around Lau’s waist.

And they were kissing.

/ / /

And everyone was now looking at him. Him and his orchid bouquet. Penny Haywood, Andre Egwu, Bill and Charlie Weasley, Tulip Karasu... everyone. And Barnaby can only lower his eyes in an attempt to avoid all of these glances. He decides to focus on how the room looks.

A lot of red chairs, as if they were all blood stained. Neatly arranged in rows, just like in a classroom. But in front of them is no teacher. No McGonagall ready to teach them about Transfiguration, no Flitwick telling them to ‘swish and flick’ their wands, no Kettleburn and his missing limbs. Instead, there are colourful flowers everywhere. Roses, daisies, chrysanthemums... orchids. All of these beautiful little things surrounding a large, open casket. Barnaby quietly steps towards it, his heart beating against his chest. On either side of the casket, small wooden pillars were holding large orange candles.

( Orange, his favourite colour )

A slow music was playing as a background noise. Le Temps de L’Amour, Françoise Hardy. Barnaby takes a step closer, looks inside the open casket. His heart twists itself inside his chest, and he wants to scream.

Laurent Dorian King is here, and... he looks peaceful. He looks normal. The mortuary cosmetologist did a great job with hiding traces of the illness, and Lau only looks as if he is sleeping and he’ll wake up at any moment. His eyes will flutter open, he’ll smile at Barnaby and stretch himself... and then ask him to bring him home.

However, as Barnaby keeps staring, Lau doesn’t moves. The illness definitely took him, and sweetly tucked him inside of that casket.

/ / /

“Everything is at stake now, isn’t it ?”

Lau’s voice piped up into the darkness, and Barnaby slowly opened his eyes. Of course they weren’t sleeping... who would, now that Lord Voldemort was at his full power ? And to think that all possible hope was resting on young Harry Potter’s shoulders... he was only a child ! He should be relaxing and hanging out with friends, not saving the world !

“I... I guess it is” Barnaby whispered.

As if speaking any louder would summon Death Eaters. Lau was a muggleborn, after all. He was greatly at risk, because of something he couldn’t even control: his blood status.

“Do you think he’ll make it ? Harry, I mean ? Merlin, Barnaby, he’s just a boy... he’s only seventeen... I know he’s technically an adult, but still !”

He choked up, and Barnaby could guess that Lau was crying. He immediately turned around in the large bed, and pulled his lover against his chest.

“Everything will be alright, Lau... when the moment comes, we’ll be here to help him. Us, Tonks, Lupin, Bill... everyone. And You-Know-Who will bite the dust”

“Promise... ?” Lau softly whispered.

Barnaby kissed his forehead.

“I promise, Lau”

( and as soon as this war is over, I’m marrying you )

/ / /

Now comes the time to carry the now closed casket. Barnaby is one of the pallbearers, as well as Tulip, Merula and Penny.

It’s heavy. Usually, Barnaby has no trouble with carrying heavy weights... but now he finds himself deeply struggling, even with the help of his friends.

( I used to be able to carry you so easily, it was almost ridiculous. How come you’re ten times heavier, now ? How come a huge casket is keeping us apart ? How come I can’t see your smile again ? )

/ / /

“Barny ?”

It has been about a year ever since Harry Potter defeated Lord Voldemort. Ever since the constant fear was gone. Ever since Barnaby Lee married Laurent Dorian King.

Barnaby took some time to find Lau, but he finally found his other half in their room. He was sitting in the bed, wearing Barnaby’s old Slytherin sweater. Man, despite all this time, it was still too big for him. He sat next to Lau, a smile on his face, waiting for what he might say. Considering the fact that Lau was also wearing his boxers, revealing his long, sexy legs, he quickly had... ideas of what Lau might want.

But his husband’s face said many things, and it certainly didn’t say sex. Lau finally turned to Barnaby, a weak smile on his face.

“My mother’s illness, Barnaby... it’s hereditary. I didn’t tell you about it at first, because I didn’t think I’d have it... I thought I was strong enough to fight off the virus before it even touched me...”

A tear suddenly rolled down his cheek. Barnaby wiped it away.

“I’m sick, Barnaby”

/ / /

Speech. He must make a speech. The casket is right here in front of him, in the cemetery. Everyone is, once again, looking at him. He still haven’t let go of his orchid bouquet. He holds them tightly, as if they are a safety buoy and he is drowning. He surely feels like he is drowning... but he can’t stop that horrible feeling. It attached itself to him ever since Lau closed his eyes for forever.

Another look at the casket. Merula lowers her head.

“Lau... when I first met you, you basically told me to go fuck myself”

A few giggles, but they died down rapidly. That’s bullshit, Barnaby thought. Lau would have wanted people to laugh at his funeral. He wouldn’t want people to be this sad over him.

“A-And... Merlin, I can’t believe I’m doing this right now... I can’t believe this is happening... you were my forever, Lau. Did you know that ? As soon as we kissed, I knew it instantly. That... that you were the guy I was going to love and marry. And I loved you, I loved you so much... and I married you. I married you as soon as I could, and our wedding was probably the best day of my life”

He takes a step closer to the casket, tears now streaming down his face.

“Remember when I told you I liked sunflowers ? I... I always felt like one whenever I was with you. You were my sun, my wonderful sun, and I was instantly drawn to you. I had to look at you all the time, I had to love you all the time, because... because that’s how things simply were”

He takes a pause, and uses it to cry for a moment. His tears splash against the orchids.

“I’m sorry I couldn’t fight this illness off you, Lau. I wished I could have found a way to get rid of it... seeing you suffer everyday was terrible... and yet you were so caring. You’d always worry about me, never yourself. You didn’t want me to feel sad... you wanted me to be happy for the remaining time we had together. And I think this describes you pretty well. You hate when people are sad and worried, you want them to smile and laugh. And that makes you the most beautiful person to be... the most beautiful orchid to be”

He leans down to place the orchid bouquet on top of the casket, among the other flowers on it.

“I love you, Laurent Dorian King. I loved you, I love you, and I will love you. You’ll always be in my heart... and there won’t be a single day during which I won’t think about you”

( because you are my sweet orchid, misunderstood and yet perfect )