#Blessica Rèyès

[wagner-fell]

“Hey whore. Can I ask you a question?”

“Excuse me?”  the shocked voice of Tessa Gray asked. “That is no way to anyone, let alone your mother.”

Kit’s eyes widened in horror. “I, er, um. Haha, wrong number. Bye. Love you.”

“Christopher Jonathan Herondale, don’t you dare hang up on-” He hung up.

Kit placed his phone onto the cold, stone bench, case facing up. He took a quick look at the two photos wedged between the thick plastic of his Otterbox and the hard copper of his literal lifeline.

The first one was of himself, Jem, Tessa and Mina in front of a Christmas tree. It had been taken last year by a begrudging Mari. She grumbled away the entire time about ‘why in the world was she willingly being the angel bitches servant’ but in the end she was the one who had printed it for him in the first place.

Mina was clutching Church for dear life, a euphoric smile spread across her tiny face. It never ceased to amaze Kit how quickly she was growing up.

The second photo was of all the Merry Hoes in Blessica’s basement just a few weeks ago. They all sported their matching jackets. It was slightly off center as Blessica’s brother was blind and therefore had no way of seeing what he shot on the old Polaroid. But it was perfect.

Blessica’s brother is the only person in her family who knows she is a werewolf. Her parents and two sisters just think she sleeps over at Maria’s a lot.

Kit drug his hands down his face and sighed deeply . He was definitely going to pay for that later. He would have been surprised Tessa was still awake at three am if he weren’t too mortified to feel any other emotion.

With another sigh, he picked up the phone and scrolled through his contacts once more. He took extra care to click on the right name.

“Hey whore. Can I ask you a question?”

“Of course, daddy,” answered his intended target immediately. Astrid Yang may have been a lesbian, but she was also a kinky bitch.

“What would you do if your ex-crush who you're still sorta kinda not over liked a post with you and your girlfriend.”

The line went dead for several minutes before she responded. “In this hypothetical scenario, who has the bigger mommy milkers?”

Kit scratched his head and held the photo closer to his ear. “Well the first one doesn’t even have tits so..”

“So what was I doing simping over her? I obviously stay with my current girlfriend. Thank you for coming to my Ted Talk.”

He could have told Astrid about a million things, ranging from asking her if she was really that shallow to reminding her that she has literally almost passed out because a hot girl winked at her (she’s not as picky with her crushes as she thinks she is) but instead he sputtered out, “this isn’t about leaving Mari or not.”

Several things crashed on the other side of the phone. “You're leaving Mari?!”

“No! I just said-“ Kit took a long breath and sighed for the third time. “You know how when I’m bored I keep updating Insta?”

“Yeah, we all know that you’re a massive narcissist, go on.”

“Well I was doing that because I couldn’t sleep and Ty liked one of my posts with Mari. You know, the one where we’re doing that Tik Tok dance.”

“No I don’t know. You guys do like a million Tik Tok dances.” There was a rustling noise on Astrid’s end. It sounded like she was picking up the stuff that clattered to the floor.

“The one where she calls me an ‘uncultured slut’. Which I blame you for.”

“Oh, yeah. I did say that. Haha.” A small grin made its way into Kit’s face, despite the dire situation.

“But when I refreshed it again, it was gone. So now I’m wondering if he deleted it or I imagined it.”

“Hmmm. If Mitski’s ex-girlfriend, with equally big boobies, liked her post with the girl she was seeing now, what would she do?”

“Ast, what does Mitski have anything to do with my struggles?” Kit could practically hear his friend rolling her eyes.

“My parents always used to say,” she cleared her throat and imitated her dad’s gruff voice. “’If in trouble, ask yourself, what would our lord and savior Jesus Christ do?’ But Mitski is my lord and saviour. Besides, Mitski is always relevant in some way.”

“First of all, agreed. Second of all, I told you, Ty isn’t my ex-boyfriend. He’s my ex-crush.”

Astrid was the only one out of the Merry Hoes who knew about Ty. It wasn’t that he was purposely trying to exclude everyone else. Astrid had just happened to be the one who was nearest the day of the anniversary he left Los Angeles.

“Wait, for real? Why not? You’re a total babe!”

“Thanks. But we didn’t really get the chance to go on a date as I may have confused my love for him than ran away to a different country. Lol!”

“Kit, my dude. This is way too juicy, I mean serious, a topic to discuss over the phone. Wanna come over? I have crisps and a Stranger Things binge calling your name.”

Kit was fully aware that he went to her house, they weren’t going to talk more about the insistent. They were going to laugh so hard water would come out of their noses. And see how many candies could fit on their tongues. And Kit appreciated that.

“That would be great. I- hold on. My dad’s calling me. See ya soon.” Kit switched lines. “Hey, I’m really sorry for-”

“Greeting whore,” Jem said in the most monotone voice possible. There was silence for moments before Kit’s parents started laughing.

Kit has never been more confused in his life. Okay, that is a total lie. But this is definitely up there.

“We looked it up on this website called Urban Dictionary,” Tessa reported gleefully. “It’s a compliment now!”

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

@the-wckd-powers This fic is like an aftermath to your fic ‘Your Doing Great Out There Without Me, Baby’. I love your writing and it made my cry :) (I know there is a eight hour time difference from LA to England but shhhhh)

@adoravel-fenomeno @im-not-ruined-im-ruination @thechangeling @thomas-gaypanic-lightwood @sofiatheskeleton @cncnbr @its-taff @ithurielkeepsgettingkidnapped @noah-herondale-lightwood @maxboythedog @arangiajoan @shelvesofgold @jo-herondale

Tèłł mè if you want to bè addèd or rèmovèd from thè tag łist!

[wagner-fell]

“I mean hypothetically I get it,” said Maria, in between her fourth and fifth Mars bar, “but come on, she’s a cartoon character!”

Kit didn’t have a clear view of her face from his spot on the floor but he could only assume it was absolutely covered in chocolate. She may have had enough control over her limbs to land her a spot as team captain of their high-school lacrosse team but that particular ability disappeared the second it came to putting food in her mouth.

“But,” exclaimed Astrid, “she’s freakin’ Catra! How can you not be attracted to her?” She brandished the remote control like a weapon in Maria’s general direction. Though her grip was all wrong if that was her intention.

“Okay fair paint. However, she's still a war criminal.”

Astrid nearly broke a bone attempting to furiously remove herself from her sleeping bag. She pointed a menacing finger at Maria. Her unicorn onesie made her look very intimidating. “It is called a redemption arc, you uncultured slut,” she roared.

“Hey, can you quiet down,” Kit asked, cringing at himself.

It was usually Blessica’s solemn duty as Official Mom Friend ™ to say that sort of thing but she was busy checking Instagram and it was one o’clock so Mina really shouldn’t be awake. God, he sounded like Jem. Or worse Julian.

Julian.

Nope. Nope nopity nope. Not today Satan. He snatched Kevin’s fresh beer bottle straight from his hand and drained it in one gulp, ignoring his cries of protest.

Kit was in his bedroom in Devon with three amazing friends who loved him and an incredible girlfriend who supported him through all his shit. His adorable little sister was, hopefully, sound asleep in the next room over. His parents, who he wasn’t quite ready to call ‘Mom’ and ‘Dad’ to their faces yet, were downstairs watching Pride and Prejudice. Again.

Tonight was definitely not the night to have a mental breakdown about the Blackthorns. And if Kit had to enlist the help of alcohol to ensure that, so be it.

Astrid nodded. “It is called a redemption arc, you uncultured slut,” she whisper-yelled. Maria cackled and threw one of Kit’s pillows at her head.

The moment she’d arrived earlier that day, Maria Santana-Reeves had sprawled her muscular body across her boyfriend’s bed and hadn’t moved since. Unless you counted The Merry Hoes raid to the nearest convenience store a few hours ago.

That’s what they called themselves. The Merry Hoes. It started as a joke after Tessa made a vague comment about their dynamic being similar to a group titled The Merry Thieves. But Kevin and Astrid had taken to the name so much it just kinda stuck.

Especially after Blessica embroidered them all jackets with The Merry Hoes in bold, purple lettering. There was no going back once Blessica whipped out her needle and thread.

Astrid stood on a stood Kit kept in his room for the express purpose of putting things Mina could potentially choke on onto a higher shelf. She continued her rant about the unexplainable hotness of Catra from She-Ra and the Princess of Power. Soberly, he may add.

Blessica and Kevin sat closer than necessary for platonic mates next to Kit on the floor. They were both on their phones and did a truly horrendous job of sneaking glances at each other. As entertaining as this was, the glittering white stripe on the trans flag covering most of Blessica’s case kept distracting him from the real show. The real show being Astrid talk about Catra, obviously.

Kit got up, numb limbs screaming in protest, and joined Maria on the bed. She groaned in protest before rolling over to give him more room. She did something with her hands as she went but Kit didn’t realize what it was until his cheek was pressed against sticky wrappers.

“I hate you,” reported KIt, with no real heat to his voice.

“You are literally wearing my jersey.”

“It was freezing cold in calc!”

“It’s always freezing in calc. Aren’t Shadowhunter’s supposed to have thick skin?”

“Aren’t werewolves supposed to be monstrous?”

“Ha,” said Kevin. “No monstrous my arse.”

“And what’s that mean?,” Maria asked, propping herself up with her elbow.

“It means,” he said, turning around to face her, “have you ever seen yourself eat a chicken leg?” Maria took off her sock, bawled it up and threw it at him. Kevin collapsed onto the floor as if he’d been fatally shot. Only then did Astrid stop talking and climb down, grinning widely like an idiot. Not that Kit had much say. He probably wore the same expression.

“Blessica,” he called out, waving his arm blindly.

Giggling madly, she knelt at his fallen side. “Yes?”

“Tell the headmistress,” he gasped out, “she’s a bitch. And get a middle finger fountain dedicated in my memory.”

“It’s what he would have wanted,” said Astrid, wiping a fake tear from her face. Kevin flipped her off. “He would have loved it,” she repeated, voice cracking with fake sorrow.

“No,” said Blessica, still laughing. “You can’t die on me!”

“I’m afraid I don’t have much of a choice, my love.” They both realized what he said at the same moment. Kevin sat abruptly and Blessica scooted back away from him. “I mean, er.” He scratched his head. “Acting, am I right?”

Astrid, Maria and Kit burst into hysterics at the same time. They were blushing furiously but the cries of joy emitting from their friends made even Blessica, who’s brown skin was as dark as the wood of his floor, red in the face.

Maria nudged him. “I’m glad we were never that hopeless.”

Kit snorted. “Trust me when I say I was only confident in my ability to date a girl way out of my league on the outside. If you could read minds, all you would’ve heard was internal screaming.”

Maria smiled and took his hand in hers. She laced her dark fingers in with his pale ones.

Kit Herondale was happy.

It was so hard to not include angst but I just wanted this to be a fic where I introduced my headcanons for Kit’s friends. Feel free to use my characters if you want. I’m going to be writing a lot more with them so lmk if you want to be added or removed to the tag list

@littlx-songbxrd @foxglove-airmid @ti-bae-rius