#Bonkers Blabs (asks)

[xstarkillerx]

*let me do this again my dumb ass couldnt find the ask lmao*

dude i saw you reblogged my brian o'conner crash fanart, i was about to plug my A03 (i can't really post my delirious fantasies here since this is supposed to be a blog for my art collective 👀) BUT THEN i saw you already posted my shit here BUNNIE IT WAS YOU ALL ALONG insert iasip meme ILY <3 <3 <3

BASSE-FOSSE YOU ARE SO FAMOUS TO ME HELLLOOOOOO!!!!! It is me, you found me! I definitely should've put two and two together that the person posting art of Brian as Gabrielle and the person writing wild crash-f&f crossovers was one and the same lol. Although, as I've come to learn through your awesome recommendation that led me down a bit of a podfic rabbit hole, there are some bonkers, fantastical fics for f&f with super out there concepts but are really really well realized, which was pleasant to discover. I'm gonna keep blabbing under the read-more, because I'm so happy to have found you on tumblr, but I'll end off by saying I can't believe you posted to ao3 twice in July and I didn't know, I'm literally about to feast rn.

Anyway so nice to see you!!!!!

For anyone curious about what we're taking about, here you go!

I should take this time to say crash blew my mind, you were so right about the final scene being extremely similar to the end of the first f&f, to the point where my friend and I's reactions when we did that double feature were pretty much identical, it was so funny! We watched Crash first, and there was something about seeing that Miata finally get knocked off the highway, that was soooooooo... Like, I may be reading too much into this and I definitely don't understand the movie entirely yet, but MX-5 Miatas are one of the most personified cars out there because of their eye-like headlights and mouth-like vents, they literally look like 😃 it's so cute. Miatas are almost always portrayed as innocent, Friendly, and childlike, so to see the destruction of one (which the movie was def building up to), AND TO WATCH JAMES FUCK CATHERINE IN WRECKAGE , like it's such a good image to end on… it really drives home the irreparable effect being introduced to Vaughn's "world" had on them, like they basically went through the a fucked up version of the hero's journey and were left on the other side of the threshold not knowing how to cope, my jaw was on the floor!!! The unattainable fantasy of ultimate orgasm because of the resiliency of both cars AND human bodies, it was so good. "Maybe the next one, maybe the next one," still gives me shivers.

So watching F&F afterward was hilarious because my friend basically had the same reaction to its ending, that truck impact hit her real hard (she too wanted them to ugly fuck on the busted charger lol). I had told her that this was essentially the most blood we would ever see in the rest of the franchise which is not a lot, and we ended up having a whole conversation about comparing the fantasy set in place by both movies. The fantasy of F&F is essentially 1) the characters' inability to die/stay dead or get injured and 2) the seemingly omnipotent ability of cars to take down larger and larger vehicles, starting with 18-wheelers and progressing to yachts, trains, Humvees, planes, it's endless!! Whereas the fantasy in the world of Crash IS to die, to be scarred, marred, for every dent and scratch on your car to be mirrored on your skin until you're one and the same. It's the next evolution of man, to be melded with machine in a way that's gorey and sexual. Both works involve little family institutions, people who get it, people who have your back, and a fearless leader running the show. Where Dom Toretto literally can't die, or even lose, because it's in vin diesel's contract, Vaughn was fated to! What kind of example would he be setting for the others if he couldn't achieve the nirvana of dying on the toronto freeway.

Ugh I totally did not mean to give you an entire book report but I've been sitting on all of this for so long and I figured you of all people would understand being immensely effected by these two movies being put together lol. Anyway thanks for reaching out! I'm around if you ever wanna talk f&f, I loveeeeee the way you view that universe. Much luvvvv 🫶🫶

[toon-in-blue-blog]

You're kinda like Bubsy... if Bubsy didn't suck

“Bubsy? I don’t see anything wrong with the guy!”

“Why do you all seem to hate him so much?…..Let alone compare us together all the time? Was it something I said?”

[anexplanationofunfortunateevents]

little birdies singing everywhere

Did you ever watch a buttoned-up costume drama like Downton Abbey and something happens which is objectively sedate but in context you’re like OH SHIT!!

“White-collar professionals trash-talk employer” and “congressional committees subpoena documents” are not generally the most exciting stories in the world. When those white collar professionals, say, happen to have just left the recently-disbanded Office of the Special Counsel, that’s a different story. 

“Sources close to/familiar with the thinking of” former investigators from special prosecutor Robert Mueller’s team have told major newspapers that Attorney General Barr’s not-a-summary letter to Congress about the case substantially misrepresented their report. They don’t even know why he wrote that not-a-summary, when they so helpfully typed up summaries of their work which he could have released right away. The obvious cover-up we always knew was a cover-up sure looks like a cover-up, this just in at the New York Times.

But think about everything these people knew for the past two years. Think about all the stress they were under and all the heat they were taking. They were hired in part because they can keep their traps shut. (Someone got fired from that office because of shit he said, privately, before the investigation even started.) Now they’re just flying off the handle venting to big-mouth friends who translate their tirades into legalese and then blab to the Washington Post? If that’s the case, whatever happened must be really bad, and this cover-up isn’t going to be successful for long with all those loose cannons rolling around. If it's what it actually looks like – that FBI agents or even prosecutors on the case, including some who are free to talk because they’ve left the Department of Justice but have kept piles of receipts, are not tacitly playing along with Barr’s cover-up by staying quiet and are not going to stand for bad-faith “redactions” turning their work into disinformation – well, also seems potentially dramatic.

Either way, I expect that they, like any other concerned citizen, have or will shortly set up an appointment with the relevant congressional authorities.

Look. You may or may not get a kick out of knowing Individual-1 and his goons are panicked and miserable right now. But don’t let that get in the way of understanding how serious this is. It’s understandably common to compare the Trump-Russia stuff to the Watergate scandal in the 1970s, but I’m not sure that goes far enough. When Nixon tried to hide the most damning evidence against him, he went to the Supreme Court like an adult, which meant people could anticipate some formal decision by an authority. Former and current Department of Justice officials, ten days into a cover-up, making what sure looks like a coordinated effort to get the goods to every reporter they can find feels like a new and extreme level of alarm.

That would be “enough,” if by “enough” you mean “COMPLETELY OFF THE WALL.” It’s not the only story like this. We’re also seeing at least one whistleblower come forward to say that the White House is giving out security clearances to people who are in fact security risks – specifically including Individual-1’s daughter Ivanka and her husband Jared Kushner. Most people don’t spend a lot of time thinking about a dry subject like security clearances, but if you do you probably already realized this was happening. But it is absolutely not normal that the people whose job it is to prevent leaks are scared enough to be leaking like this. 

In fact, “dozens” of White House employees have brought concerns to Congress. The top Marine general approved leaks from the Pentagon to show how Trump’s stupid wall would suck resources away from military families. An official at Department of Homeland Security - known primarily for its baby jails - sent out a memo threatening any potential whistleblowers what would happen if they leaked, which of course was promptly leaked.

Understandably, House Democrats have decided they’re done asking for documents and started sending out subpoenas. At the same time, the chair of the House Ways and Means committee has requested six years of tax returns from Individual-1 and several of his businesses. “Request” is a nice way of putting it, but legally, the IRS has to hand it over. (Trump thinks it’s up to him, but he doesn’t actually have the authority to order the IRS to break the law.)*

Along with the stories that are so dry-sounding it’s easy to miss how big a deal they are, there’s also a story which is so gonzo that it’s a little hard to take seriously. A couple of weeks ago, New England Patriots owner Robert Kraft got busted in a “massage parlor” in Florida near Mar-a-Lago, Individual-1’s resort club. Turns out the massage parlor’s owner is a) a Republican fundraiser and b) connected to Chinese intelligence. Then last weekend, a Chinese national was arrested for illegally entering Mar-a-Lago, where she appears to have been trying to smuggle in some infected hardware. The implication of the stories I’ve read seems to be that she was trying to get into the club’s completely insecure network. I’m not sure why all that is happening now. It could be that the first arrest got everyone’s attention, so law enforcement and the press started scrutinizing who was going in and out of Mar-a-Lago a little more closely. It could be that the feds were already investigating some intelligence threat in the area and Kraft got caught up in it. It could be something else entirely, or just a total coincidence. In any event, it’s a reminder that the national security risks Trump creates sometimes sound abstract and complicated, but they’re closely related to the sleazy corruption stories that are easier to get your head around.

While congressional Democrats are dealing with all this – which is, again, absolutely bonkers and deserves about 2000% of the time and energy they have – they are also prioritizing the problem of white nationalism and its spread online. None of this is a distraction. It all matters. It is all the same story. And while it sucks, it is not hopeless.

OH, and it might be a while before we know what the last straw was, but the dam seems to have broken at Fox News. (If you get bored of seeing obscenely wealthy fascists humiliated, you can skip to the Cliff’s Notes.)

*Depending on which Opinion-Havers filter into your circles, you might have seen some frustration that it’s taken three months for House Democrats to get to this point, so it’s worth knowing that for demands like this to hold up in court, there has to be a record showing that they legitimately need these documents and that they tried the easy way first.

[thorn-amidst-roses]

Going to do a little story time to get some thoughts down.

Specifically I’m going to be blabbing about being brought up in a Jesus Camp-like setting and that time I got hit in the head with a bible.

But it’s going to be long as fuck.

When I was around 7 my mom started going to church, and immediately went all-in, pulling me from public school and putting me in the church’s private school, sending me to their summer camp, etc.

This was one of those completely bonkers churches that was absolutely obsessed with the End Times to a fully masochistic degree. They were obsessed with historical martyrs, modern missionary martyrs, and the end of the world.

The school’s graduates often became missionaries to “dangerous” “third world” countries, and the younger students would all sigh dreamily wondering if they’d be gunned down by violent anti-christian gangs in the street.

In highschool we actually did plays about missionary martyrs in which we re-enacted their deaths complete with a benevolent angel narrator who detailed their reward in heaven.

(I still have the script to one we did, called To Bogotá With Love that was...oof, reading it back as an adult in 2021 it is a LOT of yikes)

At sunday school (for the unfamiliar, this is for little kids), our teacher taught us about the events of Revelations (according to present pop culture sources, mainly, the Left Behind novels), and told us about how everyone who converted during the Tribulation would be executed by the Beast, likely by beheading - and that was okay, because when you’re beheaded your spinal cord is severed and you don’t feel any pain.

(Which we all celebrated. I was obsessed with guillotines for a solid month after this lesson and told everyone who would listen to my weird 7-year-old self that getting your head chopped off is the best way to die)

Shit started going bad for me in middle school when the major focus was randomly on the Antichrist. I was starting to get into an age of Theological Questioning (bad!), and the school had, until now, always made sure to stress that humans have been given free will to choose what we do with our lives, and thereby where we spend our eternal lives. But suddenly, we were being taught about the Antichrist, who would be born human and become an agent of Satan, and that kind of...flipped something in my mind?

So I asked, tentatively, if we have free will to choose...but God knows the future...is it really free will, or predestination? And if there’s one person who’s going to be born to be the Antichrist...then isn’t there one person in human existence who is, no matter what, born unequivocally damned to hell?

They assumed I was being a little shit and told me to stop asking dumb questions.

Thing was, I was a really, really oversensitive child. When I learned about the Titanic in second grade, I stayed awake crying the whole night. I couldn’t tolerate the idea that people suffered and died for no reason. This whole “oh my god there’s a little baby who will be born literally just to go to hell” ATE at still-religious little me until in probably the most ill-advised moment of my life I announced to my teacher with as brave a face as I could manage that I’d do it myself.

(If the “oh no” meme had existed in those days it probably should have played in that moment)

Anyway...that’s the kind of shit that gets remembered and it’s a hell of a thing to follow a well-intentioned but socially-fucked kid throughout the rest of their religious school career. So fast forward to highschool summer camp.

At the end of the session it was a thing for each cabin to put on either a play or a “music skit”, and everyone was still very obsessed with the End Times so most of the performances centered around that.

(when everyone wasn’t busy crying and begging for forgiveness for various sins and “speaking in tongues”)

My cabin decided to do a piece about the good christians of the End Times rising up to defeat the Antichrist, which meant the role was vacant. I kept my mouth VERY self-consciously shut, because I didn’t want to take the chance of saying anything that might remind anyone. It came to drawing straws, and another girl got the short straw. Whew.

Then the day of the skit she freaking falls down some stairs and breaks her leg. The whole cabin is like “oh god oh jesus it’s because she was playing the Antichrist gOd SmOtE hEr oh looooord”

“anyway role’s vacant again”

And so this one bitch, this one horrendous bitch, points and goes, “(my name) is like, literally the Antichrist, (s)he’ll do it.”

And everyone’s like “oh yeahhhh true lmao” so I was just like OKAY FINE WHATEVER thinking we’d get the skit overwith and move on with our lives.

So we go up, we’re doing our little song and dance, I’m trying to look evil and the girls are dancing around with their bibles, and the skit is supposed to end with them all rushing me, holding up their bibles over my head, and then I basically do a Wicked Witch of the West and collapse to the floor, defeated.

Apparently Horrendous Bitch had arranged a script change between dress rehearsal and actual show - in reality, what happened was that they all rushed up, and started beating the living shit out of me with their bibles. I took a mighty swing with a hardcover bible straight to the head.

The counselors thought it was a brilliant performance and congratulated my cabin on it heartily. No one ever spoke to me or asked if I was okay - even the adults, when I’d very clearly received a freaking teenage beatdown right in front of everyone.

So yeah religious bullying is a special extra fun variant of normal bullying and I highly don’t recommend it. I’ve gotten past my “edgy atheist” phase that followed the incident, but I’m still pretty uncomfortable with subjects of christianity.

[toon-in-blue-blog]

You were mentioned as a possibility for the Duck Tales Reboot ! I tried to send the conversation between a fan and the one that came up with the idea for a Duck Tales Reboot but I had a hard time sending it ! Congrats !

“ME!? LIL’ OL’ ME!?~ I get to be on screen again~?” 

“You think Duckburg could handle me? Do you think Donald would remember me at all??~”