#But yes he hasn't had a wife in several decades

[tyranasauruslex]

Give me modern AU Thranduil who, after a decade of mourning his wife and some serious grief counselling, has decided to start dating again except he has zero clue what he's doing. He's only dated and been intimate with his late wife so he's not really sure what he's supposed to be doing or how to do it.

His friends suggest dating apps but that feels too overwhelming and dangerous seeing as he still has his son living at home. It would be just his luck to get murdered by a potential suitor on the first date. Next is people he's not spoken to in decades throwing themselves at him or friends trying to set him up with people they know which gives Thranduil such severe anxiety that he always backs out last minute. Nobody seems to believe him when he admits he's actually quite shy.

Everyone keeps telling him that he's so pretty he won't be on the shelf for long which might be true from the neck upwards, but below that his body is a patchwork of burn scars, skin graft scars and holes and dents from various medical procedures he's had to endure. The thought of someone seeing him without his clothes on makes him feel riddled with insecurity. Having sex with someone else whilst on paper sounds great, but the realty is Thranduil hasn't even kissed anyone for a years and would no doubt be an awful bedroom partner.

He's often ill either with a migraine or the damage done to his eye which is a lot for someone else to take on and he has a kid, who comes first no matter what. There's not many people who'd be willing to take on someone with so much baggage as himself.

He tells all this Bard over the soy latte's his friend makes him at the restaurant he owns. Bard has always been nice to him and is also a widower so he understands Thranduil's trepidations about dating. He's also very nice to look at and Thranduil would much rather sit and watch him make coffee all day then go out with one of the suitors Elrond has dug up for him.

It take him three months and a not-so-gentle talking to from Elrond for Thranduil to realise that Bard has been flirting with him the entire time he's been moaning about his awful dating life. It takes him another month to actually do something about it and is genuinely surprised when Bard immediately says yes and spends the evening of their first date riddled with anxiety and speed dialing his therapist.

[armoricaroyalty]

How does a marriage end? Is it severed, head from body, limb from limb? Extinguished, snuffed out like a candle? Unraveled, warp and weft, its threads wound back into spools? In physics, there is no creation or destruction, only transformation. Love operates on similar principles. Pour out a bucket of water, and the water doesn't go anywhere. It pools, flows, evaporates, but it isn't ever gone, just transformed into something else. Heartbreak becomes wisdom; love becomes grief. Elise, sixty years old and facing the prospect of long and lonely decades as an ex-something—ex-wife, ex-queen—was both sad and wise. She would have preferred to be happy and foolish.

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Author's note: Another one that has been in the drafts so long I forgot whether or not I had anything insightlful to say. Thank you to @housekonig for loaning me Cordelia and for your infinite patience!

Transcript under the cut.

Blackwell Palace // February 2018

[ clock ticking ] ELISE | [ offscreen ] ...and I called him three times today. Three times! ELISE | ...and he can't even be bothered to pick up the phone and return my call. CORDELIA | I'm so sorry, Elise. CORDELIA | I wish I knew what to say... ELISE | [ offscreen ] There's nothing to say. ELISE | We're going to tell the children this weekend. We've asked them all up to Morley. CORDELIA | [ offscreen ] Oh no... ELISE | [ sighs ] This year was going to be our 29th anniversary. CORDELIA | Twenty-nine years...he's treated you terribly, hasn't he? ELISE | [ sighs ] No. He hasn't. Or at least...he didn't used to. ELISE | That's the hardest part of all of this, we were never unhappy. There were bumps in the road, sure, but that's all they ever were. Bumps. CORDELIA | Yes, but how many bumps does a road have to have before it's...well, bumpy? Thirty years is a long time, but how many of those years were good years? How many were just unexceptional. How many were bad? ELISE | [ sighs ] We had a good marriage, Cord. After everything that's happened, everyone wants to rewrite history, but...it wasn't like that with the two of us. There were no warning signs, we ere happy together. For years and years, we were happy. CORDELIA | ...is that why you're still wearing your ring? ELISE | [ sighs ] I just want to go back to how things were. We used to need each other. It used to be just the two of us and our little family against the world. CORDELIA | And that homewrecker was out in the cold, where she belongs? ELISE | [ offscreen ] Cordelia-- ELISE | You know I don't like talking about...all of that. CORDELIA | [ sighs ] CORDELIA | Just once, I wish you'd get mad. Elise, you've been treated terribly, used up and thrown out, and you deserve to scream and shout and be angry with him! ELISE | Cordelia, please. CORDELIA | It's true! It's not the 19th century, you don't have to look the other way. Any other woman would be furious with him, with both of them! They both betrayed you, but you still won't stand up for yourself! CORDELIA | even now, you're still defending him! ELISE | Enough. CORDELIA | I'm sorry, Elise. It had to be said. ELISE | I said enough. ELISE | [ offscreen ] Cordelia, you know me better than almost anyone. All those summers we spent together when the kids were little...you're one of my oldest friends. You're one of my only friends. And I would prefer to stay friends. Just...let this drop. Please. CORDELIA | ... ELISE | ... CORDELIA | Well, how are the wedding plans coming along? ELISE | ...good. Emily chose her tiara today. CORDELIA | Oh, that's wonderful! You know, I'm so happy for the two of them! They're so photogenic, they're even getting coverage in Vernick. ELISE | [ offscreen [ Where does the time do? I can't believe Freddy's getting married. I swear, it's like I blinked and he was all grown up. I thought he'd be little forever... CORDELIA | [ laughs gently ] It goes by so fast, doesn't it?