#But the hardest part of the program hasn't come yet

[virtuouscycle]

Exam was fine. Like always, I’m just a big bozo clown who gets really anxious for no reason. :’)

[handheldheaven]

On Being 25

This post is long and has also been a long time coming.

I've been running this blog since August of 2017, in the midst of an eating disorder and an abusive relationship. I was a pop punk kid looking for community. Over the next few years I fell into pseudointellectualism; I cosplayed the prestigious scholar who lived for November days and moldy book pages. I loved ancient Greek and ancient Rome and dramatic, bloody imagery. I had a few hit posts (they reached 1k notes) and I thought I found a community.

In 2021, my life took a huge turn. I was about to graduate with my bachelor's degree, my professors wanted me to enroll in a creative writing program, and I should have been happy. But I wasn't—I was stuck at home with my conservative mother who drove me up the wall with her conspiracy theories. My friends both in real life and online were distant, and I was at my loneliest. I was burnout and insignificant, and I became very, very close to k-lling myself one day. The details don't matter. All that matters is that I didn't do it, and with what I became after, there were people who thought I should have done it. This was also around the time I came to terms with the fact that I'm autistic.

Over the next several months I would abandon this blog and become a born again Christian. I also adopted my mother's conservative beliefs because I needed something to grasp. Later I would learn I was most likely going through a spiritual psychosis/personality change because of my almost-attempt. I returned to tumblr and continued posting with an adjacent, modern aesthetic, but I also brought my newfound conservative ideas. This is something that I'm still very ashamed of, because it affected people in my life who I once cherished as being my closest friends. My isolation from others permanently destroyed my friendships and how people who trusted me saw me.

I fell down another rabbithole of t3rfism around this time. In hindsight, it was most likely because of the conservatism (which I was no longer part of), the fact that I had zero female friends, and my only "friend" was a douchebag guy who only wanted to sleep with me. I never identified as a t3rf, but I did join them in questioning certain aspects of society. It was so obvious that one of my previous friends called me out on it when I tried contacting them to reconnect at the end of 2022.

I'm not writing all of this to receive pity. I'm writing this because I feel the need to atone for my past actions. I've apologized to the people who needed apologies.

I lost a lot of my traction when I returned to tumblr. I wasn't posting consistently, so I became yet another up-and-coming tumblr user who was pushed to the shadows. I see some of my mutuals and wonder what would have happened if I kept up with the academic façade and posted shitty poetry. Could I have crowdfunded a grad degree, or had readers for my poetry book?

All this is to say that I wasn't the same when I came back to tumblr. Engagement on my original postings are now zero. This blog just doesn't feel like "me", and it hasn't since 2021.

I've outgrown this blog.

My degree hasn't gotten me far. I'm not in grad school studying art history like I wanted to when I was 21. I'm not a published writer like my English professors encouraged me to be. The aesthetics of this blog are a sham and in no way reflect reality. The reality behind this tumblr user is that I'm a 25 year old woman who works customer service and who still can't afford to move out. I dropped out of grad school after like 2 weeks because it sucked. I work full time, so I can't afford to study forgotten religions or 9th century theater or whatever the fuck the posters from the 'golden era' are doing off their parents' dime.

I've been developing my interests organically without people on the internet swaying my opinions. I'm not trying my hardest to live up to a certain aesthetic and making myself miserable in the process. I reached an age that the original creator of this blog in 2017 thought she'd never see. I feel better about picking up the pieces of my life now that I'm not using 25 as my deadline.

I'm not done with tumblr forever. I may remake my blog one day—a blog that isn't a time capsule of some of my worst developmental years. For now this is goodbye.

[the-fandom-fuckup]

1, 4, 11, 12 for the artist meme?

1. Art programs you have but don't use

I don't have them in front of me rn to double check, but ones I know I've downloaded n used maybe once are Sketchbook, Fire Alpaca, Sai Paint, and I'm pretty sure there's at least one animation program I found for free that I looked at once n got intimidated by lmaofndn (checked the name and the program is Synfig Studio)

4. Fav character/subject that's a bitch to draw

KATSUKI FUCKING BAKUGOU!!

I love him but drawing him??? Fucking impossible. Trying to get the right level of feral to cocky asshole, but also (and more importantly) his hair gives me the hardest time, which you wouldn't expect considering it's just a fucking fluff ball but my brain has to have it make sense and it just doesn't compute. I'm 100% aware most of the issue comes from me wanting him to turn out perfectly and not having the skill to do so, so I get frustrated with him easily

There are others, like Shinsou for similar reasons. His expressions are pretty easy (bc he's a sleepy shithead) but his hair is a mess and I've only liked the way I drew it once. Aizawa n Enji can also give me hard times, mostly bc I don't draw them often enough n need more practice

11. Do you listen to anything while drawing? If so, what

Depending on the mood I'm in I can range from putting my playlist on shuffle n zoning out, or I put on whatever youtuber I've found a longer video for (mostly lets plays, but there are some of people just talking thrown in there) and use the mini window to watch/listen while I draw. Not the most productive I'll admit, bc I get easily distracted by shit happening in the video, but it hasn't stopped me yet lmao

12. Easiest part of the body to draw

In the past when I was drawing more frequently I would've said I could bust of a pair of tiddies no sweat, but I stopped focusing on general anatomy so those skills are rusty these days

My default tho has always been doodling eyes in the margins of my school books if I can't focus, and it's carried over to digital if I can't think of what to draw so they've definitely got the most practice lmao

Thanks for the asks!

[bitchesgetriches]

Hey, BGR (sue me I acronymed it. Please don't.), What are your wise ways of making yourself financial secure before you hit 30? What's the best way to start financially at limited experienced 17-year-old who hasn't any have the knowledge of what to do on her own?

The fact that you’re even thinking about this at 17 means you win ALL THE AWARDS! Seriously, this is a great time to start prepping for your future, and you’re way ahead of the game by even reading finance blogs and trying to get your shit together.

Here’s our advice: 

Get a job. Right now. You can wait tables or work retail or do manual labor. Or you can start your own money-making venture: babysitting, yard work for your neighbors, tutoring, walking dogs, running errands for the elderly, selling crafts. Whatever. Just get an income stream that’s all your own and start adding to it aggressively. 

If you don’t yet have your own bank accounts, get them. You’ll want a checking account (where you can withdraw money regularly to pay for your expenses) and a high yield savings account (which will earn literally 1000% more interest than a standard savings account at your regional bank). We recommend Ally for a high yield savings account.

Start building credit. It’s harder than ever to get approved for a credit card, so at your age you might need to start with a secured credit card. That’s ok, as it’ll be a really safe way to build credit without living outside your means. Use it to buy gas or your bus ticket or another regular expense you have to pay for anyway. 

Create a budget. The easiest way to do this is to track your expenses and income for a few months. From there, you can see about how much you need to live on from month to month. Assuming you’re still living with your parents, your expenses should be very low. Put the rest of your income into your savings account. 

Think carefully on whether or not you’ll go to college immediately after graduating high school, or if you’ll take a year off to continue earning money and real world experience. There’s no right answer here--but I do think getting an education eventually will be incredibly valuable to you. And yes, I mean that literally, financially.

Determine the return on investment (ROI) of various college degrees and schools before you decide where you’re going to study. By which I mean: a degree in English might cost X, and the average job salary you can expect to earn by age 30 with that degree might be Y. Whereas a degree in Engineering might be Z, and the average salary $160,000 by age 30. If financial security by 30 is your goal, minimize your college expenses and maximize your potential earnings by choosing a field of study and school with a high ROI. I... didn’t do this. And I regret it.

Continue working after high school. Keep putting money away in your savings account even if you need to adjust your budget when you leave home. (I’m assuming you live with your parents now, and won’t after you graduate high school.) I worked as a nanny making $20 an hour all during college and graduated with enough of a nest egg to afford to move across the country and cover my expenses for a few months while I got my career going.

If you can avoid it, don’t buy a fucking car. They’re money pits. If you absolutely need one, buy used. Otherwise, public transit is your friend.

Embrace the roommate lifestyle. You’ll save more of your money and be able to afford a better lifestyle if you join forces with other young people after college. I lived with 6 people and 2 dogs in a 4-bedroom house my first two years after college and my rent and utilities were a fraction of what they would’ve been if I lived in a studio or one bedroom apartment by myself. 

Start a Roth IRA. This is basically the independent retirement account of choice for lower income people, and you can start one regardless of your employment status. You need $1,000 to start it, so save that up in your savings account, then transfer it over. You can’t touch this money until you retire, so factor that into your budget.

Join your grocery store’s loyalty program. It’ll give you access to sales and coupons non-members don’t have, and it costs you nothing. So without it you’re literally leaving free money on the table.

Live frugally. This means buying generic instead of name brand products, shopping at thrift stores, and being intentional about your entertainment costs. The hardest part here will be saying no to your friends when they want to spend a lot of money to hang out. Be strong. 

Stay healthy. Things like cancer, chronic disease, and accidents are beyond your control. But outside of these factors, if you treat your body well it will be much cheaper to maintain. So eat lots of vegetables, drink lots of water, and establish a reasonable exercise regime that doesn’t involve a gym membership. Barring the unavoidable, this will keep you healthy and out of the hospital... where they’ll bleed you dry of your savings.

Learn to cook. Sweet fucking crispy jibbers, you will save SO MUCH MONEY by making the majority of your food at home. Eating out is unnecessarily expensive.

Get a grown up job. Life isn’t fair, and the plain and simple truth of the matter is that some jobs pay more than others. If you made a wise choice on the ROI of your college education, you could be making a lot of money by the time you’re 30. Push yourself to apply for high paying jobs, even if you’re not 100% qualified. Get your foot in the door at companies in high-paying industries. You’ll start at an entry level job, but you shouldn’t stay there for longer than 2 years. And on that note...

Ask for a raise every 6 months. Studies show that people who ask for raises get them more often than people who don’t. So you have nothing to lose and so much to gain by asking, even if it’s terrifying and nerve-wracking. 

Keep applying for a better job. If you’re going to be financially flush by 30, you need to move up the ladder as quickly as possible. And this means job hopping your way to prosperity. Even if you’re employed, apply for at least one job a month that could increase your salary or put you on a direct path to a higher salary. Nothing will make your salary and career stagnant like staying in one place too long.

Use your company’s 401(k) and/or 403(b) program. If you don’t, you’re losing money in three ways. So just fucking sign up for it as soon as you’re hired. You won’t miss the little bit of money that’s not going to your paycheck. 

Don’t rush into marriage or children. If you want to get married or have kids, that’s totally fine. But there’s absolutely no need to rush, as both of these things come with all kinds of expenses. It will be monumentally harder to be financially secure by 30 if you have to do it with dependents or another person affecting your personal finances.

Stay out of credit card debt. Once you’re in your mid-twenties and you have a solid track record of paying bills, you’ll be in a much better position to apply for a regular credit card. I recommend you get a rewards card that offers you cash back or travel reimbursement (I have the Capital One Venture card and love it). BUT... you have to be responsible with it. Pay it off in full and on time every month and you’ll easily build credit without going into debt. 

That’s it for now. I’ve peppered this answer with links to longer articles on various topics for you to read. You’re going to be great, so...