#ChocoMeatbun

[morbidmeatbun]

BRO

Ok, so, quick update.

This early morning I was doing runs and my deadass eagle-like eyes found an SD card on the ground.

It looks new though, but I'm curious if there's any content inside it.

Stay tune for more info

[morbidmeatbun]

Lu pernah gak sih kyk capek banget padahal tidur udah banyak, dll.

Terus mual bukan karena sakit, tapi mual karena 'God, I have to do this all over again :('

Lately I've been feeling low and tired and honestly I felt I should've call in sick this morning.

I hope I can go through to this day.

[morbidmeatbun]

Bro ... I got burned out with crocheting but there's somebody who ordered from me 😞

I'm so sorry dearest customer I'll try to finish it this week 😭

[morbidmeatbun]

Tergoda untuk mengganti tema lagi ...

Btw Tumblr aneh kayak hidupku 👎

[morbidmeatbun]

Pls why do I always have the fate of 'missing important friend events'???

Whenever I JUST have someone I could talk to ... there's this invisible force that always try to tear me apart from them?

It's not even sudden, but planned.

Like everything that has happened eventually leading me to this.

And now they're gone.

I'm not even sad anymore, just disappointed in myself and life.

[morbidmeatbun]

Pls Sebek's an earnest guy don't do this to him Lilia 💀

Diasomnia is full of silly people and that's why I love them 😘😘😘

[morbidmeatbun]

AAAAA I GOT MY FIRST ORDER ON MY ONLINE SHOP!!!

HSHSHSH I'M SO HAPPY I'M TOUCHED I'M GONNA CRY 😭😭😭🥹🥹🥹

It's been months since I put out my shop but none had buy my crocheted things ... I thought nobody liked it (the prices are also fair though, even underpriced if I say so myself 😭) but then one day this angel of a buyer slide to the shop's dm and asked for a commissioned piece!!! LIKE?! FINALLY SOMEBODY NOTICED ME 😭😭😭😭😭

I've packed it up and tomorrow I'll be sending it to the delivery service 🙌

They're so nice 🥹 I was having major impostor syndrome (and insecurities) when crocheting the piece and thought it'll be ugly af ... but I say to myself 'go for it bestie' and showed them the piece before finishing so I can do alterations. Guess what? They liked it! Even praised it 😭💖 Even telling me they'd order again soon in the future 🥹

I always make my crocheted things with love and compassion for the practice itself ... I hope after the item is received by them they also feel that, too.

[morbidmeatbun]

Don't you hate it when a moment of 'existential crisis' come up the first thing in the morning???

Yeah, me too.

Jujur, di masa sunyi ini aku pingin rileks sebelum kuliah, tapi otakku pinter banget nyari masalah yang gak perlu aku pikirkan.

Kenapa, sih, prestige harus ada?

Entahlah, aku merasa resah ketika orang-orang di sekitarku masuk ke universitas yang terbilang 'famous/bagus/favorit'. Bukannya aku iri, lebih ke "apa tidak apa aku di sini saja?".

Untuk konteks, aku bakal tetap tinggal di hometown-ku dan masuk perguruan tinggi swasta yang ada di sini. Pribadi, aku tak masalah dengan itu, tetapi aku merasa orang-orang di sekitarku seperti mengharap lebih.

Sungguh, capek betul. Hari-hari yang seharusnya aku pakai buat healing dari trauma sekolah 12 tahun itu malah digunakan untuk overthinking.

Dan aku tak punya siapa-siapa yang bisa kujadikan sandaran. Aku tak tahu harus menjelaskan perasaanku ini seperti apa.

Oke, pertama: keluarga tidak termasuk (aku seperti tak boleh melewati suatu batas saat membahas inner-conflict-ku dengan mereka), saudara juga tidak (bro, kita hanya berbicara setahun sekali, itu pun pada saat lebaran), teman-temanku juga tentu tidak (aku punya beberapa teman dekat, tapi kurasa mereka sudah cukup mengurus masalah sendiri saja).

Aku punya satu teman online yang setia sejak setahun lalu, namun lebih baik kami berdua tetap menjadi 'gaming buddies'. Tak perlu urusan IRL ikut nimbrung.

Kalau dipikir-pikir, aku cuma punya buku jurnal, setumpuk novel, dan tokoh fiksi yang dijadikan kopingku selama ini.

Astaga, apa aku ini hikikomori in training?

Pusingnya menjadi bocah yang punya kelainan sosial /j.

Sejujurnya, aku senang berkoneksi dengan orang lain. Akan tetapi, bodohnya, aku kurang ahli dalam jaga-menjaga hubungan antarmanusia. So, yeah, kau tahu seperti apa akhirnya :D

Rasanya gagal menjadi manusia (yes, that is a reference).

Aku takut suatu hari nanti aku akan sendirian hingga saatnya aku kembali ke tanah.

Terkadang aku juga memikirkan ini:

Apakah aku sudah cukup?

Apakah aku sudah berjuang keras?

Apakah aku sudah menjadi anak yang berbakti?

Apakah aku bahagia?

Itu baru sekian beberapa pertanyaan yag sering kurenungkan tengah malam, sisanya masih banyak mengendap di pikiranku.

Aku tak mau mengeluh tentang hidupku, tetapi aku tak bisa tak membayangkan seperti apa jadinya jika seandainya aku dilahirkan di keluarga yang suportif dan punya sedikit bibit-bibit masalah.

Ini terdengar berlebihan, namun aku ingin sekali saja mendengar seseorang berkata padaku, “Kamu nggak apa-apa. Kamu udah berjuang, dan aku senang kamu masih ada di sini. Kalau kamu nggak jadi apa-apa, itu juga tak apa. Karena kamu lebih dari sekadar itu; kamu adalah manusia, dan manusia hidup bukan hanya mencari uang. Kalau kau ragu apakah kau masih disayang; iya, kau masih disayang. Sekarang dan selamanya.”

Namun, sepertinya aku juga harus cut myself some slack. Sebab setiap orang mempunyai circumstances berbeda dan aku tak lain juga sama.

Selama masa remajaku, aku mengalami turbulensi kesehatan mental yang luar biasa dan terpaan masalah keluarga. Jadi, sewajarnya fokusku kubagi sebagian besar untuk memikirkan 'bagaimana aku tetap bertahan hidup dari semua ini selagi pikiranku menghasutku untuk mati?'.

Waktu itu, aku tak punya kesempatan untuk menikmati hidup sebagai remaja normal. Dan merencanakan masa depan adalah hal terakhir dalam daftarku.

Oke, kalau dilihat begitu, kelihatan suram juga, ya. Sekarang setidaknya tak begitu menonjol lagi perasaan-perasaan tersebut.

Untuk sekarang, aku mencoba meredam stresku dengan membaca stok novel yang telah kusimpan sejak entah berapa lama.

[morbidmeatbun]

I JUST HAD THE MOST RANDOM AU IDEA EVER.

WHAT IF ... WHAT IF TWST IS IN A HARVEST MOON AU.

Omg, seriously, it will be called like:

Harvest Moon: Wonderland of Magic

(or maybe I should make it sound more on crack—)

SHIT, I already have loads of ideas about this.

So, the premise starts like this:

MC just received a letter from their uncle's hometown.

Dire Crowley is missing. (maybe dead—nah, he's just running from his problems again 😮‍💨)

The letter stated that MC should come and take care the doomed farm in Night Raven Village.

MC at first didn't want to, but they realize Crowley—no matter how crooked he is—had helped them in the past and felt greatly indebted to him.

So, as kind as MC gets they finally took off to the said village. Besides, their life isn't getting good in the city so this chance may as well a new starting point for them.

But little do they know ...

The problem is more complicated than it seems.

LMAOOO, at first I was considering Crowley to be the 'dead grandpas in farming games' but realized it's overused so I change things to spice it up 😉

Why it's not the other staff members? Don't worry, they have their own parts 👌

Because with Crowley gone, I have more ideas to expand on. You'll know it sooner or later.

The main quest is to pay back the painstaking debt that Crowley left to our poor MC.

Also helping the village residents from their problems because being magical isn't enough for them to solve it on their own 🙄

I plan to not make it too hectic. Cuz all this time I played HM games is for relaxing and healing. (and marrying people lolololol 🥴)

The story will be in slice of life, drama, and ... romance? 😳

If you know, you know.

(can't wait to write the heart events 🫢🫢🫢)

That's all for now.

It'll be a big project, so I have to get my shit together first before doing a writing spree 😏

[morbidmeatbun]

AAAA

So in short I bought merch again and HSHSHSH pake kurir inisial J lagi 😭

Plis plis don't let this one be nyasar again sudah lelah aku yg masalah kemaren 🙏🙏🙏

[morbidmeatbun]

Me if I don't know twisted wonderland exists:

[morbidmeatbun]

Bros I had a sudden urge to make a Lilia shrine wtf 👊😭

Currently I'm collecting his merch and all and omg it's hard to find that brat anywhere in my place ✋😩

Plushies are safe, cards still on progress, standee not yet, and the damn badges are somewhat rare???

Wish me luck (and pray my wallet won't be starving soon lmaooo)

[morbidmeatbun]

Anjing

[morbidmeatbun]

Ah yes my two favorite gremlins enjoying summer—

I think people know what I’m into lmaooo 😭

(Even my sis always know which character I’d like from other fandoms …)

[morbidmeatbun]

Bajingan bajingan—

I can't fricking wait to get out of school.

Great time in your life? Youth? Good friends? Happy memories? F-ing bullshit.

I'm not even fond of my younger days.

[morbidmeatbun]

My laptop finally had its update to windows 11

Not me feeling like I got a brand new laptop 😭

(It's 4 years-old now 💀)