#CurlsCheckCrisisCheck

[not-glorfindel-stop-asking]

idk my lord, I think Eredin *absolutely* should have his own blog 👀 we’ll keep an eye on him for you don’t worry. how much chaos could his tags possibly cause? 😬

Ah—Erulassë,

Your confidence in my assistant is... admirable. Truly. I, however, remain unconvinced.

How much chaos could his tags possibly cause, you ask?

Let me tell you: immeasurable. Boundless. The sheer scope of potential disaster is beyond reckoning.

This is the same Eredin who once tagged a perfectly respectable scholarly post on Elven linguistics with:

#language is sexy #Elrond didn’t mean it but I do #Lindir’s gonna faint when he sees this lol

Sexy. Language. SEXY. I ask you—where is the dignity? Where is the reverence for the ancient tongues?

And the memes. Oh, the memes. In the assistants' group chat, he recently posted an image of himself on the balcony at dawn, cup of hot chocolate in hand (because he has entirely forsaken tea since its mention), with the caption:

“#OMW to judge mortals and ascend to the Valar #CurlsCheck #ServingDivineLooks #HotCocoaHotTakes”

He knows exactly how to use these platforms—he’s posted on my behalf before when I was unwell! But no, 'tis not the same thing! A personal blog? For him? Where he would run unchecked?

Imagine it:

#EredinThoughtsAt3AM #LordLindirDoesntKnowImPostingThis #CursedElvenMemes #RivendellGossip #HotCocoaAndHotTakes #CurlsSoTightTheyBendReality

My reputation would not survive. The secondhand embarrassment alone would strike me down swifter than any blade.

He’s already insufferably smug, claiming “the Valar demand flawless hair” after his two-hour curl routine. If given a blog, I fear he would declare himself ‘Rivendell’s Premier Influencer’ by dawn.

And while I appreciate your noble offer to keep an eye on him—do you truly comprehend the burden you volunteer for? This is a being who once threatened to livestream a “Get Ready With Me: Assistant to Lord Lindir” morning routine video, complete with product recommendations.

“SPF is vital, my Lord. The light of the Two Trees may be gone, but skin care is forever.”

… Skin care is forever.

Thus, I remain vigilant. Should Eredin ever gain a personal blog, Rivendell itself may never recover from the absolute chaos that would ensue.

With the heaviest of sighs and the deepest of dread, Lindir of Rivendell, Reluctant Curator of Dignity, Full-Time Protector of Reputations, and Long-Suffering Witness to Curls, Cocoa, and Chaos.