#DID just realize that as a homosexual man i may be a little biased in this. but. well. i'm right is the issue

[homenum-revelio-hq]

Welcome (again) to the Order of the Phoenix, Sammy!

You have been accepted for the role of ARCHIBALD MACMILLAN with your requested faceclaim change to Luke Mitchell! ! We really enjoyed your application for Archie! The way you wrote his place in the Order as more of a lark than a cause was especially intriguing, and we can’t wait to see how his presence affects group dynamics! We are so excited to see even more of your writing in this roleplay!

Please take a look at the new member checklist and send in your account within 24 hours! Thank you for joining the fight against Voldemort!

OUT OF CHARACTER:

NAME: Sammy

AGE: 23

TIMEZONE: CST

ACTIVITY LEVEL: I should be on about 3 days a week, give or take given I work almost every day

ANYTHING ELSE: I’m highly triggered by imagery of needles or descriptions of their use, also I’ve been roleplaying in some form or another for 12 years

CHARACTER DETAILS:

NAME: Archibald Claude “Archie” Macmillan

AGE: 27

GENDER, PRONOUNS, and SEXUALITY: Cismale, He/Him, Homosexual. Archie’s never questioned who he fancied or didn’t. It’s always been clear to him that women weren’t his cup of tea and that the very handsome gentlemen in his year were much more breathtaking. He’s confident, though only out to Isla and any young men that he might’ve romped around with.

BLOOD STATUS: Pureblood

HOUSE ALUMNI: Slytherin

ANY CHANGES: Would I be able to change his FC to Luke Mitchell? Otherwise maybe Lucas Till? Also I’m very on the fence regarding whether or not he’s Ernie’s father given how perfectly Archie I feel Ernie is. I’m open to it but I’ll leave it up to Isla if they don’t want to.

CHARACTER BACKGROUND:

PERSONALITY:

Archibald’s been an eccentric since the beginning. Socializing came easily to Archie, he’d been taught from a young age what the right way to interact with others was. He was an eighth-generation pureblood after all, he had to have it all together. He enjoys the finer things in life, exquisite food, expensive clothes, and beautiful men in his bed. A frequent patron of the Ganymede Gentleman’s Club, he even has a favorite room to rent from Confidence for his visits.

In addition to his image physically, Archie cares a great deal about his social reputation. He’s not too concerned with the blood status necessarily, he’s well aware of muggle-borns that have more talent than himself, but he does want to be seen positively in society. He tries to associate himself publicly with figures that his parents and high society would approve of while privately associating himself with people in the Order and other patrons of Ganymede.

BRIEF OVERVIEW OF FAMILY:

What was being part of their family like? How did they grow up? What values did their parents/family instill in them?

Archie’s grandfather Orville made sure the young wizard had the tools to exhaust his grandson’s eccentricities, such as giving the young wizard the password to the Ganymede Gentleman’s Club and giving him a giant frog for Frog Choir. Archie had found himself growing into who he was and not being ashamed of the fact. He knew that others wouldn’t be nearly as kind and that there were certain expectations that were set upon him. He was just glad that someone seemed to understand him and, despite the fact that they didn’t discuss such matters beyond the occasional mention of Ganymede, he was grateful for his grandfather.

Archie’s parents weren’t nearly as understanding. They wanted grandchildren, a sign that their lineage would continue to hold strong. All throughout school they kept asking him why it was that there wasn’t a young witch hanging upon his arm. He tried to pass it off as playing the field but after leaving Hogwarts that excuse wasn’t going to suffice any longer. They had expectations and a reputation to uphold. They weren’t going to allow him to dawdle any longer. Thankfully when he proposed the idea of Isla they were more than thrilled. A Selwyn was beyond what they’d anticipated. For now they’ve backed off, having been given what they’d like.

Archie has an older brother named Barnabus whom he refers to exclusively as Barny. He admires his brother, watched him move forward and marry a Parkins. The two brothers have always confided in one another, there only ever being one secret Archie kept from the other. He knows his brother is a kind individual but the world at large wasn’t kind and he couldn’t possibly risk the rejection.

OCCUPATION: Archie works as the Junior Ministry Liaison to Gringotts Wizarding Bank, a position that he’s rather proud of. It pays well, people are impressed when they hear it, and he gets to wear a pretty suit to work every day. The goblins grate on the nerves, the two societies having very different expectations when it comes to treasure. He’s heard it all, he knows how they feel regarding goblin-made objects but according to the law there are certainly no expectations for those items to be returned.

ROLE WITHIN THE ORDER/THOUGHTS ABOUT THE ORDER:

Archie initially joined the Order because he thought they were more challenging societal expectations alongside his wife. He wanted to do something different, needing more outlets for his boisterous nature. Instead he finds himself just mourning their losses and feeling the pressure weighing down upon them. He didn’t entirely mean to be fighting a full-blown war, he hadn’t anticipated losing so much to the other side. It didn’t feel as if anything was changing in their favor. If anything with the recent Ministry fiasco it felt as if they were losing ground. The people around him didn’t seem to hear it, or at least seemed to plug their ears when he pointed this out, so he stopped saying it. Instead he was content enough to remain the middle man, a simple agent in the Ministry.

To say that he’s not curious about Dorcas and her crew would be a lie. They certainly have the right spirit even if their tactics weren’t ideal. He also wanted to see change enacted. The old fuddy-duddies in charge didn’t seem to even want to take risks. He wants to approach them, maybe show them a little bit of stealth and tact, but is afraid that he won’t be able to sway them in the right direction. Besides, they’re not his responsibility.

Archie doesn’t want to be a soldier. He wanted to be more like a rebel, a protester, but he’s in too deep now. He’ll just need to ride this one out.

SURVIVAL:

Archie didn’t feel as though he was in danger before joining. He’s an eighth generation pureblood, who was going to go after him so long as no one learned his secret? His life was posh growing up. Not nearly to the extent of the Blacks and Malfoys but the Macmillans weren’t wanting for much when it came to life. Archibald barely even knew danger existed outside of his childhood home despite the war brewing long before he even started at Hogwarts.

Starting school, he started to hear blips here and there about the war but not much seemed to faze him. He wasn’t frightened, though intrigue settled in when whispers of two sides fighting in the shadows began to emerge. He joined as a vigilante, as a protester, and as a child in all senses but physical.

Now that he’s in the wake of war, he lives in a posh home with good security and added layers of protective enchantments where people would notice if he went missing. He is safe from many pureblooded explanations due to the life he’s adopted. However, this is undermined by his involvement in the Order. He is helped by the fact that he’s not really a soldier but danger has become a part of his life.

RELATIONSHIPS:

Isla Selwyn-Macmillan: He loves his wife dearly and almost wishes that their situation was different where he could love her the way he was supposed to but their situation is what it is and he is so grateful for her. She’s the best friend he could have asked for but the Order business is a bit of a strain on their relationship due to her being the stronger driving force to be involved.

Hestia Jones: How one person has that much energy in the midst of such misery is anybody’s guess, especially considering how talented Hestia has proved to be. He jokes with Isla and anyone else that will listen that if she was any younger he’d fight her parents for legal custody of her. Watching her is actually able to instill some hope in Archie. He may not be physically old but boy does all of this loss make him feel it.

Dorcas Meadowes: Much like Hestia, Archie feels compelled to take her under his wing and tell her how to cool her jets and be more successful. He just thinks she needs guidance. She’s got the right idea and the fighting spirit but someone needs to be able to point her in the right direction for that energy to be successful.

Confidence Brown: Archie likes to flirt with Confidence when he goes to Ganymede’s Gentlemen Club but it’s innocent. In truth he finds Confidence endearing. He hopes the other gentleman feels the same.

In general, Archie tries to get along with everyone but most of the Inner Circle Order members get under his skin. He wants change, not more death. They seem to not realize they’re all sitting ducks.

OOC EXPLORATION:

SHIPS/ANTI-SHIPS: I don’t have any particular ships for Archie, chemistry is key, but I will say that Archie is never going to do anything to endanger his public reputation such as divorcing Isla.

WHAT PRIVILEGES AND BIASES DOES YOUR CHARACTER HAVE?

Archibald is rather proud of being an eighth generation pureblood, whatever that might mean. He was raised with house-elves doting upon him, his parents playing up how important it is that they continue moving on the path they have set out for him. He tries to open his eyes and recognize those around him coming from alternate upbringings being strong, intelligent, and powerful. It’s hard for him, sometimes, to recognize that his talents are not inherent.

When it comes to the Dissendium Task Force he thinks it’s foolish. He understands that there’s danger and that the world is unfair but he believes they should just join the fight rather than being smuggled out of the country like cowards. He’d even fight alongside a werewolf if that meant that they were actually helping out with what is currently a losing battle.

WHAT ARE YOU MOST LOOKING FORWARD TO? Everything about this group just has me so inspired, thank you for this you guys!!

PLOT DROP IDEAS: Archie finding more personal purpose in this fight would be lovely so anything that might cause him to feel something is great. So far I’m very intrigued.

ANYTHING ELSE? Nope!

[hina-akatsuki]

PINK for girls BLUE for boys

During our childhood, I am sure most of us had heard this statement," pink is for girls and blue is for boys". Obviously, it did not make sense in our young minds then, so most of us complied without giving it much thought. I was no exception. It was much later that I came to realize that this idea is one of the many stereotypes that segregates the sexes.

It is curious how something as impartial as color became a distinguishing factor between the sexes. But why only pink and blue from the vast color spectrum? Is there some biological theory behind it or is it a norm structured by culture and society?

Digging into history, this color-gender norm came into being only during the 20th century, probably becoming more prominent after World War 2. In fact, girls and boys were dressed in white and that too dresses till the previous century. With the emergence of pastels(pink and blue were widely used), children were adorned in colors other than white. The earliest reference to this color scheme appeared in a June 1918 edition of the Trade publication Earnshaw's Infant's Department:

" The generally accepted rule is pink for boys and blue for girls. The reason is that pink, being a more decided and stronger color, is more suitable for the boy while blue which is more delicate and dainty, is prettier for the girl."

The idea stuck around for a couple of years, with some contemporary publications also emphasizing that colors should not be decided based on the baby's gender, but based on eye and hair color.

Pretty smart!

However, over time the clothing manufacturers sought to reject this statement and promoted the idea "pink for girls, blue for boys". The practice escalated after World war 2, as corporate marketers promoted color-based distinction between boys' and girls' clothing. The motivation? It prevents parents from handing down clothes between siblings of different sexes, hence increasing the profits for designers and manufacturers. As an explanation of this divide, manufacturers simply stated that girls liked pink while boys liked blue.

A turning point in the history of gender-color norms came during the Women's liberation movement of the 1960s and 1970s which emphasized gender neutral clothing. In an upsurge of feminism, the fashion industry went through dramatic changes- from bloomers to bobbed hair to unisex wear to gender-neutral color.

But as we rolled into the 1980s, making money ruled over all existing perspectives at the time and marketing teams managed to flip the paradigm yet again.

Moving into the 21st Century, color preferences take an interesting turn. The youth of the present day provides us with a mixed opinion when asked about their favorite color. A recent study indicates vast majority prefer blue to pink and that pink is actually one of adult world's least favorite color.

So how did this shift in the spectrum occur? As it turns out, defining gender-specific colors has been a tug of war over the years with the end result being more or less a tie. Both colors( pink and blue) along with their hues are equally favored, regardless of gender.

However, we still tend to associate the color pink with femininity and blue with masculinity in some aspect or the other. Especially, while deciding clothing and types of toys for little ones.

The pink-blue color divide may seem like a trivial distinction between the sexes, but in reality, it paves way for other gender biases and forms the root of gender discrimination. Deciding on what a child should wear or what he or she should play with in order to conform to the so-called societal norms restricts it from exploring and having a mind of its own. Surveys show that children are not born into choosing a gender-specific color or toy, rather they are groomed into making such specific choices.

Be it wearing corsets in the Victorian era or being at home, women are groomed to look the part of what is considered as “feminine”. And it starts from a young, impressionable age when a child is getting to know its surroundings. The quote holds true," One is not born a woman. One becomes a woman".

But we shall not exclude the male party from this issue of gender discrimination for they are affected equally. The need to "be a man" as defined by our society puts pressure on the individual. Boys are told to be aggressive, that they cannot shed tears, that they need to indulge themselves into sports that involve physical strength. Basically don't do anything that is considered to be "girly"( for example- play with dolls, learn dance, etc). Any male indulging themselves in activities that are "girly" are often looked down upon or labeled as "gay".

Boys placing themselves on the pink side of the spectrum are assumed to be hinting at their homosexuality with the well-known logic of " boys who like boys are basically girls." Nazi concentration camp badges included a pink triangle for gay men, while lesbians were lumped into an ‘asocial elements’ group with a black triangle.

However, in the late 60s, with the rise of the LGBT movement, the balance shifted from the color of shame to that of pride. This brought in a new mindset-" Pink and Blue make purple". Purple covers everything between red (pink) and blue, and challenges fixed and extreme gender roles. Instead of just two labels-male and female, we have many, as portrayed by the LGBT rainbow flag.

In the end, we shouldn't associate our sexuality or behavior with the colors we choose. We are free to choose between pink and blue, unguided by society. And this openness comes from a young age, with good parenting. It is crucial for a parent to understand that a child can be whatever it chooses to be. We live in a time where traditional roles are questioned more often than before. A girl can like shades of blue and can love playing with cars and a boy can indulge in cooking and like hues of red or pink. Who knows, that girl grows up to be an F1 racer and that boy becomes a Michelin star chef in the future.

So, choose any color you like, irrespective of gender, society or culture. For, choice of color doesn’t define who we are, it’s our thoughts and actions that do.

Links for reference:

https://www.thelist.com/32342/real-reasons-behind-blue-boys-pink-girls/

https://munsell.com/color-blog/why-that-color-gender/

http://www.todayifoundout.com/index.php/2014/10/pink-used-common-color-boys-blue-girls/

NOTE- I wanted to write on this topic for a very long time and I realized that there is a lot to talk about.. so I decided to provide some links which I referred to for this piece. Opinions would be appreciated on this discussion! Thanks!

[thepropertylovers]

Feature Friday with Jeremy Scott

Happy Friday! In this week’s FF, we get to know Jeremy on a deeply personal and vulnerable level. He opens up about his fear of coming out because he was afraid of being judged - by the gay community. He discusses the importance of mental health, living your truth, and what made him finally decide to come out. We came away from this with our eyes opened wider than before and a fresh, new perspective. We believe you will have a lot of takeaways from Jeremy’s intelligent, inspiring words. Take a look below to see what we mean…

Where are you from? I’m from Baltimore County, Maryland.

Where do you live? I’m currently attending medical school in Knoxville, TN but will be moving back home to study for my Step 1 board exam. Then I will be traveling for my clinical rotations. I’m going to be a bit of a nomad for a little while.

Instagram handle: @jpscott09

Age: 31

On cute little mountain towns: Bariloche, Argentina is my favorite place of all time that I’ve travelled! It’s this beautiful mountain town, and whether you’re into skiing, hiking or just walking around shopping and eating, there are gorgeous mountains all around, with crystal clear water and green forests. In town there’s this incredible candy shop, named Mamushka, that is plucked right out of a scene from Charlie and the Chocolate Factory!

“But I am the sum of ALL of my parts, not the convenient choosing of a few. I can’t control what people see or choose to focus on when they look at me, discuss my accomplishments, etc. I can only live and shine in my truth; that will have to be enough. “

On an uneventful, but meaningful coming out: I’ve always known I was gay and that my family and friends knew as well. I had a gay uncle and have cousins that are gay and lesbian. After hearing an interview by a mom of one of the victims of the Orlando Nightclub shooting, I finally had a sit-down conversation with my mom. It was easy and uneventful and took place sitting in my Mom’s bathroom while she irrigated my clogged ear. I also sandwiched our conversation between reveals of my latest tattoos. She was more shocked about my tattoos than my coming out - my being gay was an unspoken fact, but the tattoos were brand new! And that’s how I said it, as if it were a statement, to my mom and any other family member or friend. I’m gay. It wasn’t an invitation for questioning or discussion, it was a statement of MY truth, that, understandably might take some time to comprehend and digest, but won’t change. I didn’t want anyone close to me to think I was ashamed of being gay just because I hadn’t said the words aloud. Silence allows for the creation of a false narrative, and I didn’t want there to be one surrounding something that makes me human, unique and worthy of love and belonging. 

On being comfortable within the gay community: It was fear of being accepted into the gay community that kept me from coming out sooner. I was overweight in my early 20s, and looking at images of the guys that frequented P Town or Fire Island, Barry’s Bootcamp or Soul Cycle made me hesitant to even believe that I’d be accepted - I was the ‘fat theater science nerd’ juxtaposed to the cool good-looking guys. It is worth mentioning that even though the gay community is a marginalized one, there exists a judging or shaming of its members. For example, placing character attributes or implicit biases and monikers such as “gold star, dairy queen, top, or bottom.” Individuals hide behind the term “preference,” to express their predilections when really, it’s a way to justify homogenizing social groupings or dating prospects. We can say it’s due to wanting to be around similar people, with a related background or potential shared experiences, but when did doing that help us grow or better ourselves? I’ve just now, over the past two/three years, gotten comfortable within the gay community, having accepted my flaws while championing my uniqueness; I’ve moved from a timid outsider to the curious and open wanderer.

On the importance on having an ally, and learning from life’s obstacles: Prior to having my “official” sit down with my family and close friends, I was outed by a classmate. We got into an argument one night, and, even though we agreed to keep everything quiet, he got into a taxi with some of our mutual friends and told them that we had been together and gave intimate details about us “hooking up.” I learned about what he had done because a friend just happened to be in the taxi that night. She will forever be someone I hold close to my heart, for many reasons, but because in that moment, she showed me the definition of true friendship- an ally against hurtful and potentially damaging hate speech and a source of support and understanding. I still think she was more bothered by the event than me. I, however, wasn’t even mad and still am not. That was a noteworthy moment that I draw strength from because at that time, I realized I was fully accepting of myself as gay and didn’t care who knew. As for moving forward from this situation and continuing on with my life, I viewed this as any other hurdle or obstacle and haven’t let it define me. I learned the lesson I was meant to learn- I dealt with forgiveness and am proud of the person I am because of it.

On the importance of “marble jar friends”: I am incredibly fortunate for the people I have in my life that I call friends and family. We are born into a family but as we grow and mature as adults, we have the ability to choose the individuals that make up our inner circle. My “marble jar friends,” as Brené Brown calls them, are as diverse in thought as they are in their cultural and ethnic backgrounds. These are the people that want for me what they want in themselves; to be seen, heard, and know I matter.

On living his truth, despite what others think: My family and friends have been nothing but supportive, and most conversations center around if I’m dating (yes, I’m single) and when I intend on getting married. The little backlash I have received has been mostly from members of the Black community. A few black professionals have messaged and said that, “I’ve disqualified any future accomplishments I will achieve as a part of the medical community because the only thing people will see me as is a gay black man.” I vehemently disagree with their statements, but understand that in the Black community there’s still a stigma about being gay. Some individuals would rather stay on “the down low,” as if openly being gay hurts the black male professional diaspora. But I am the sum of ALL of my parts, not the convenient choosing of a few. I can’t control what people see or choose to focus on when they look at me, discuss my accomplishments, etc. I can only live and shine in my truth; that will have to be enough.  

“Silence allows for the creation of a false narrative, and I didn’t want there to be one surrounding something that makes me human, unique and worthy of love and belonging.“

On the role of the medical community when it comes to LGBTQ healthcare: The medical community has a responsibility to educate, care for, and provide adequate healthcare to the LGBTQ community, which includes promoting PrEP. I think it starts with the family practitioner, the physician that sees a patient from childhood into adulthood, to not view heterosexuality as the default. Asking a patient, “Are you sexually active? With men, women, or both?” gives permission for an answer not constrained by judgment or preconceived notions but of openness and vulnerability. As a future healthcare provider, I have a duty to stay educated and advocate for my patients. I know that my experience is unique and has left me poised to reach a population of patients that may not feel like their needs are met or their voice heard by healthcare professionals. I will take my role seriously and do my best to make sure that every individual has access to healthcare that best addresses their needs and concerns.

On destigmatizing mental health: The best thing I ever did was decide to go to therapy. I’ve consistently seen Shannon, my therapist, over the past two years. There’s still a great deal of stigma surrounding mental health, as if you should be ashamed to take an introspective look at yourself, your relationships, and those around you. If anyone has looked at #foreignfriday on a Radiologist’s Instagram, trust me when I say there’s nothing you have to be embarrassed about sitting and talking to a therapist. Sometimes we need to develop strategies on how to handle our emotions or triage a situation with respect to what needs and deserves our attention first. And sometimes we just need to vent our frustrations in a safe objective space. Whatever the reason, stability and strength starts from within and you’ll be eternally grateful for taking the necessary steps to ensuring both when you prioritize your mental health.

On living in the south: Living down south has taught me the importance of communication and understanding. We can’t ask of others things we can’t or don’t ask of ourselves, and we need to be open to having tough conversations with people of differing views and opinions. Where I might not feel comfortable walking down the street holding my husband’s hand down here, I have really embraced the old saying “you can’t judge a book by its cover.” Even after living on a Caribbean island where it is STILL illegal to be homosexual, I’ve never been this aware of my blackness and being gay. But I’ve challenged myself to look past the differences that divide us and seek the aspects of our humanity that bring us closer together. I’ve fallen in love with a guy from Knoxville and had my heart broken as well. I’ve been able to foster and find community through service and the running community. I’ve grown and am a better person for having lived down here.

On his biggest inspirations: I’m a huge Brené Brown fan-she’s my spirit guide. Her work over the years has guided me through so many unexpected turns and over impossible hurdles. Her work, along with my friends and family, whose voices have been louder than my own in times of doubt, have kept me going. I don’t know where I’d be without them, and there aren’t enough words to explain what their love means to me.

[wearejapanese]

According to the 2010 census conducted by IBGE (Brazilian Institute of Geography and Statistics), there are approximately 190 million people living in Brazil. Of these, approximately 1.5 million are Japanese or descendants of Japanese, or less than 1% of the country’s population, according to data from Japan’s Ministry of Foreign Affairs and the Center for Japanese-Brazilian Studies. In quantitative terms, therefore, the Nikkei is part of a minority.

According to an evaluation by the Brazilian Association of Gay, Lesbian, Bisexual, Transvestite and Transgender (Abglt), approximately 20 million Brazilians are homosexuals, corresponding to 10% of the population. This is another minority group.

By “minority”, it is not just about statistics; there is also a factor of ignorance and prejudice that, in one way or another, begins to be discussed in Brazilian society. In the case of homosexual Nikkei, then, it is a group that constitutes a minority within a minority.

In Brazil, the Nikkei still suffer some kind of prejudice, manifested mainly in the form of stereotypes. Consequently, Nikkei homosexuals may also be a target of it. “I think we have been given an extra burden of prejudice. I’ve heard several times that ‘I’ve never seen a gay jap’, which shows a lot of our invisibility and how people suppose that I am this or that due to my race,” says Aryel Murasaki, 29, occupational therapist and a fourth generation Japanese Brazilian (Yonsei).

However, for Ricardo Nakase, 33, Sansei, there is no such extra charge. “Even though, in general, Asian homosexuals are very discreet. Many, fearful of society or even of the reaction of family members, do not assume it. This is not an exclusivity of the Asian homosexuals. In general, prejudice comes in a more or less standardized order. Observing society as a whole, we can see that prejudice comes according to the degree of divergence or detachment from the ‘normality’ that is believed to be right. So if the person is gay, the first thing people will point out is this feature. If someone is gay and fat, they will first point out that he is gay and, in the background, that he is fat. Understanding the degree of prejudice of the society is very complex,” he says.

Another form of prejudice is fetishization, a subject that targets Nikkei hetero and homosexuals in a similar way. Yet, this prejudice also comes from non-Eastern descendant homosexuals.

“Within our physical traits and customs, which people have a very shallow knowledge, there is a mysticism, fascination and consequent fetishism. I have never been in a situation in which I was not seen as an exotic fetish, whether for an Asian or non-Asian. I realize that the Asian man or woman is seen as a fetish rather than as an individual. There were friends who came to me and said ‘introduce me some jap friend of yours’; until then, I did not even have Asian friends in Sao Paulo. Do you understand how prejudice is subtle, but it does not cease to exist? When I ask ‘why do you have all that interest for Asians?’, The answer is usually ‘oh, I do not know, I like it because it’s different’. Then I noticed that I am rarely seen as an individual; I am a stereotype for everyone’s eyes. I had partners who said about Asians being better or comments like ‘you don’t look Japanese’, that I am too voluptuous to be Japanese. It’s really complicated,” says Kiyomi, 26, a makeup artist, Sansei.

“I’ve been to dates when I felt like an object; the person already made assumptions about me, including about sexual preferences, and when I did not meet certain expectations, I heard things like ‘but aren’t you a jap?’” says Aryel Murasaki. “I have been dismissed by several people for being a descendant, often with phrases like ‘don’t like Asians’. On the other hand, there were people who wanted to stay with me simply because I was an Oriental, because they had never been to or because they liked them. In many moments, I felt like an object. Today, I handle this in a better way, but before I got very upset.”

There are slang words that express some of these fetishes. In general, the term “yellow fever” is attributed to a non-oriental person who is attracted to Asians, both homo and heterosexual. “Rice Queen” refers to a gay man who prefers Asians. Both, depending on the situation, may have a pejorative meaning for the Asian side of the relationship.

Stereotypes against gay Nikkeis have an aggravating effect: an image of a man with delicate, effeminate features, soft skin, hairless and necessarily sexually passive is made, which does not always match reality.

“Ethnic issues cause a frisson. Always permeated by clichés and labels. I feel extremely objectified. [Non-Eastern homosexuals] think of us as ‘power bottoms’ and ill-endowed. Jokes are always a recurring motive of these stereotypes,” says Jan Kumagai, 23, student, Sansei.

Psychologist Flavio Murahara, 34, sansei, compares the prejudice among homosexuals to racism against Orientals in general. “It follows the same logical rules of the society, the ideal of male beauty to be white, tall etc. The Asian enters as a subclass in this classification. Although I had experienced innumerable situations of different severities, I remember an specific former date who told a mutual friend that he was not satisfied with the fact that I, the Asian, had ended the relationship, because he, the white person, that was supposed to decide the future of the relationship. At other situation, someone said to my partner at that time, with me present, that he should not be jealous because he was not attracted to Asian. It is very strange in the sense that these are not phrases usually listened by white or even black people in the same situation, as it would sound extremely racist. So, I think there is racism against Asian people that is totally accepted in Brazilian culture, it is a issue that goes beyond the prejudice suffered by homosexuals, something that must be discussed widerly”, Flavio states.

That question How did you find out you are homosexual? - is a question that frequently figures in lists of those that “homosexuals are tired of hearing”. With a little clarification, it’s easy to see why it is unnapropriated.

“If you ask me, I would not be able to define an answer immediately. I have always been,” says Ricardo. “Now, if you ask how I have assumed myself as gay for the society, the answer will be different and you will have a story about acceptance, family conflict and prejudice.”

“I think ‘tired of listening’ is related to how often we listen it. I do not consider this an annoying question, but I know many people who do. So we repeat it over and over again during our lives, but people do not ask ‘how did you find out you were straight?’,” points out Aryel.

“In the case of LGBT people, this question often refers to the suffering of the ‘discovery’ of sexual orientation, such as doubts, fears and anguish. It’s very intimate. If we look at these ‘lists of questions’, most are usually biased or offensive. But they are questions that also exist in other minority communities, for example, with the physically disabled, when someone treats them as if they were children,” adds Ricardo.

Family

Family relationship is still a delicate point, a very personal one indeed. The decision to tell family members is often the beginning of a process of transformation.

“I decided to tell my family that I was homosexual because it was causing me so much suffering. I felt that I could not be who I really was, I made a lot of effort to disguise all the little things, not only hide what I did outside the house, even tried to control my gestures to not look feminine, invented stories, lied. I had a feeling that I was cornered, trapped, and at any moment someone could discover the truth and expose me. I was very scared. Being in the closet is a very bad feeling,” says Aryel.

“At first, I did not understand what was happening. First came the stage of the self-blame: ‘Why am I different?’, ‘What will people think?’, among many other doubts. At 18, I had my first involvement, and at that time I told my family. It was chaos,” recalls Ricardo. “Today I understand the side of everyone, especially my mother, whom I’m very attached to. After this first episode, there were some family problems, unrelated to my situation, which made me give up my life for a few years. When I came back to life, I got involved with another person. I was already much more self-assured and had already passed the acceptance phase. I took on my new relationship and, unlike the first time, I was very well accepted by my family. I do not deny that there were new dramas, doubts and embarrassing situations, but all these is part of one’s process of evolution.”

“The fear of coming out to my family was accompanied by many insecurities, mainly because I was economically dependent on my father. I was afraid of being expelled from home or living in such an unpleasant situation that cohabitation would no longer be possible. It was at this point in my life that I understood the importance of assuming my sexual orientation to my family, which was the need to be truthful, to be whole. Having to omit part of my life was something that bothered me too much,” says Flavio. “What enabled me to make this revelation was to discover this inner certainty that, regardless of my father’s reaction [Flavio’s mother died when he was a child], I would have the courage to face whatever the consequences might be. After telling him that I was gay, I realized that this should not be a question experienced only by the young person who lives all these prejudices, but the family also has to face it. My brothers also had to deal with the prejudice of other people. Two of my closest brothers tell about the daily life of how it is to tell other people that they have a gay brother. As if homosexuality was a ‘problem’ only of that youngster and not a social responsibility of the family that can also take on the task of deconstructing prejudices.”

“The outing has led me to learn a lot from Facebook groups, academic texts, other people’s reports, and other information about various LGBTQ+ issues that have given me enough insight to find myself,” says Jan.

“Within the Nikkei community, there is some ‘veiled acceptance’. Because it is a very discrete culture when it comes to private life, I did not suffer any kind of prejudice from my relatives. It’s that ’everyone knows, but no one comments’. I know that in part this is due to my personal commitment. When you respect yourself and respect people, there is no way others won’t accept as you are. Within my family, both on the paternal and maternal side, I was the first grandchild to graduate from a college and the only one to get involved in the activities within the Nikkei community,” continues Ricardo, whose job is bank clerk; he is also a singer and performs at many events in the Nikkei community.

“I have not lived with them [family members] for seven years. I have not yet told them I am bisexual; I feel it is an issue that is in the air, but everyone ignores it. I understand that it is comfortable for them that way, so I leave it that way. Homosexuality is like a ‘slap’, and not talking about it explicitly would be a softer one,” says Kiyomi. Among his closest relatives is his grandfather. “I have never spoken explicitly to him, because he wishes from the bottom of his heart that I am happy, and bisexuality is not an easy path. In every story, there is the moment when the protagonist needs to choose the right path, and that path is never easy.”

[a-kid-named-sutton]

Final Reflection

One of the things I enjoyed about the class was bringing in the social media component of the common book posts by using Tumblr. I think this made assignments more relevant and creative and kept us engaged and interacting with one another. Online learning can be tough, and you never really get to know your classmates, but I thought the weekly posts (and the discussions with the essays) were great ways to bring us together as a class. It was cool being able to see and comment on classmates’ work (especially since we can’t see one another in the classroom) and seeing how we all had similar thoughts and reactions to the themes each week. The weekly posts pushed me to dig deeper and find images and links that fit with the weekly theme and really try to post a paragraph that might get my classmates thinking. 

        There were many themes that I considered for the Common Book project, but the one I decided to focus on was “The Unfair Cultural Expectations of Women” in society. I considered making it even more specific and discussing the unfair treatment in countries that were predominately Muslim, but I wanted to include a few early posts from the assignment and from Under the Udala Trees, where she was Christian or in a Christian culture. I think all the readings and videos share this common theme and really helped me see that all cultures have unfair expectations on women that have led to stereotypes and mistreatment and struggles for equality for women for hundreds or even thousands of years. 

        One of the common book posts that I wanted to include in this reflection was one of the initial posts, which was a Mr. Clean ad with a white mother and daughter that shows gender roles and gender stereotypes that exist in our society. This was inspired by the Burns reading “Introduction to Global Women’s Studies”. In part of the raising, she discusses assigned roles to women that include being the mom and taking care of the kids and doing household chores. These go hand in hand with my theme of the unfair expectations and specifically the roles/stereotypes that women enjoy cleaning and taking care of the kids. I noticed that the ad has a smiling little girl to show that the unfair and often cruel expectations for women can start at a very early age.

       One of the readings that I found interesting and wanted to do a common book post on was the short story “Treatment of Bibi Haldar”. In the story, Bibi faces unfair expectations as a woman where her family should get a dowry and she would become an obedient wife. Women in the Indian culture don’t have a say in the matter in terms of what man they want to marry. These are arranged by the parents and the girls must just go along with this. They lack the freedom to choose a husband or even pursue a future. Unfortunately, she is always sick and unattractive and a girl no man wants to marry because she has seizures and no father, so the husband may not get a valuable dowry. Even though the women in the story try to help her find a husband and to find a cure for her illness, nothing really works, and her culture and society treat her unfairly. She basically has no future in the culture because she cannot cook, clean, or take care of children. She eventually is raped and becomes pregnant, but no one is accused or gets in trouble, which shows how rape and abuse of women is an accepted practice. For this post, I chose an Indian woman protesting rape and abuse of women by men in Indian culture. This has been such an accepted practice for so long and it’s a part of the culture. But allowing women to get raped and not allowing them to find live or choose their own path is an ultimate example of the unfair cultural expectations placed on women. 

        The book Under the Udala Trees was interesting and one I admit I never heard of or wouldn’t have read if it wasn’t part of the class. But I’m grateful I read it. Things Fall Apart was one of my favorite books, and it helped me better understand and appreciate African culture and the mistreatment of Africans during colonization. Under the Udala helped me learn more about the struggles of young women in Africa and how the Ijeoma had to cope with war, death, the pressures of religion, and her sexuality. These young women had unfair cultural expectations placed upon them.  I tried to find Common Book posts that matched her struggles or the struggles of young women in Nigeria and the struggles of the LGBTQ community there. One post I used was an Instagram post of two women who got married and were celebrating their love online. Then a random, Nigerian man decided to post negative comments about their love and criticize homosexuality. He used Christianity to put down their celebration, and this reminded me of the way Ijeomas mom tried to “pray” the homosexuality out of her daughter. Unromantic saw how hypocritical this was since she realized Jesus loves all his children, and I hope the women in the post ignored the harsh criticism and went on with their lives like Ijeoma did in the book. I also found an image of a Nigerian individual that is holding a sign in support of the LGBTQ community. The individual is wearing a traditional African headdress but is wearing men’s clothes. They are likely treated unfairly in Nigerian society and have cultural biases and stereotypes against them, but I appreciate how they are standing up and fighting for equality and fair treatment.  

        I also was glad that we were required to read Three Sisters of Eve. This gave me a new perspective on Turkish culture and the unfair expectations that women face in that country, both as children and as adults. This was also an interesting look at the cultural and religious pressure placed on girls and women as Peri faced these expectations as a little girl. She then struggled with the expectations of being a mother and an upper-class woman in Istanbul. The image I chose to represent this in the common book project was the image of girls and women at a mosque. In the book. Peri struggled with religion and her understanding of Allah. Her mom put a lot of unfair pressure on her to always pray and live a life that strictly goes along with the Muslim religion. When she goes to pray at a mosque one day, men at the mosque told her she wasn’t welcome, and this showed that men looked down in girls and didn’t think they were worthy of entering the mosque to worship. The image for the project shows women and girls outside worshipping, so it made me wonder if this kind of discrimination and the unfair expectations that women are inferior still exist in Turkey and other Muslim countries. 

          One of the other aspects in the book that I wanted to discuss through the project was the stereotypes and unfair treatment that Muslim faced after the attacks on America during 9/11. In the book, Peri must deal with this when she is at Oxford when the attacks happen. She already s faces unfair treatment as a Muslim woman trying to get an education and pursue a life that goes against the expectations that the culture puts on women like her. These stereotypes were unfair to all Muslims of people of Arab descent after 9/11 because anyone that looked “Muslim” were treated like terrorists. One of the cultural traditions for Muslim women is that they sometimes have to cover their faces of wear a veil. This probably didn’t help with stereotypes so when people saw women wearing these, they automatically stereotyped these women as terrorists. This idea was also something that was discussed in the in the TedTalks video where Mogahed talks about how difficult it is to be a Muslim woman after 9/11. She uses humor in the presentation and shared things that all women have in common to show that just because she is Muslim that doesn’t mean she is not an American. And this doesn’t mean that because she is Muslim that she’s a terrorist. The image I chose was a Muslim woman wearing a American flag veil. This image represents a few things: American people discriminate against Muslim women for wearing and radical Muslims that think it’s an insult to wear an American flag. The Muslim woman in this image is bring bread by saying I am Muslim but I’m still an American. I love this country just as much as other Americans and just because I have a cultural expectation that requires a veil, this doesn’t mean I’m a terrorist. 

           In the end, I have learned much, and I am glad that I took the class. I was worried about all the reading and writing involved but I think I found my voice and was able to express my thoughts and feelings accurately as a man living in a male-dominated culture. I was always aware of the double-standards that exist in our society with men and women and know how women and minorities are unfairly treated in our society and culture. And knew of the stereotypes of women and other cultures and had some knowledge of how women are mistreated in Muslim countries, but the readings and TedTalks really opened my eyes to the problems that exist in the world. But most importantly I think I made the connection that this isn’t something that’s just in American or Muslim culture. The mistreatment and discrimination of women in minorities is really a human problem that needs to be addressed and fixed. It can’t happen overnight, but I think classes like this one help students like me come to this realization and consider ways that I can be better and different.

[otnesse]

Been banned by ****IrisHatersSay simply for disagreeing with her on May and Misty, but will still reply to her points anyways, merely out of obligation.

“Oh my God.  You really don’t know when to stop talking, do you?”

Well, gee, considering the entire point of a discussion is to continue talking, yeah, I don’t know WHEN to stop.

“Okay, I guess we’re back to equating skill development with character development.  And the Johto stretch just wasn’t good.”

The Johto stretch may have been excessive, but at least THAT had actual lasting results that carried over into the next saga, such as Ash beating Gary, not to mention advancing to top 8, which even if we don’t count his win at the Orange Islands is still a major improvement compared to in Kanto where he barely made Top 16 (and for circumstances beyond his control, namely Team Rocket abducting him). AG, on the other hand, literally had by its end May being replaced with a girl who shared the EXACT same goal as her, rendering her arc pointless in the end, had Ash winning Top 8 AGAIN, and even when Ash did end up gaining the one actual accomplishment for that saga, beating the Frontier Brains, not to mention beating Brandon’s Regice with Pikachu single-handedly, the whole accomplishment got treated as a joke by Gary (who beat Pikachu with Electivire despite Gary pretty much being retired from training by that point), not to mention Paul twice (and both times with explicitly rookie Pokemon).

“Nah, the kindergarten teacher argument is still dumb.  Pokémon trainers are more like parents to their Pokémon.  They raise Pokémon.  And May was still not an abuser.”

If a parent outright ends up HATING the profession of child-raising and child-rearing, they aren’t fit to be a parent, period. Doesn’t matter if they’re abusers or not. Though that being said, it does tend to outright lead into abuse if they hate the child. Just look at Lois Griffin, hated Meg her eldest daughter, and was very abusive towards her.

“Okay, so you didn’t watch AG.  Let me pull out my meme.”

Just because I didn’t watch AG doesn’t mean I didn’t look up various stuff like episode summaries/synopses and getting a gauge on the episodes via trivia sections and or other things. I usually use those as compensation for when I don’t watch a series myself. Second-hand knowledge, if you will. Besides, just because you’ve watched something directly doesn’t mean you’re actually right. Thomas Jefferson personally witnessed the events of what would become known later on as Bastille Day while acting as the American Ambassador to France, and he ended up being completely wrong in his assessment of the French Revolution, singing praises for the Jacobin murderers (ironically, John Adams, who never actually set foot in France at all during that time, had a far more accurate assessment of what that event would result in, being ahead of the curve compared to even his fellow Founding Fathers’ assessments, let alone Jefferson).

“Also, reacting differently to stressors in your environment is true.  Everyone does not have the same DNA code.  I’m pretty sure psychologists are aware of this, genius.”

Of course people don’t have the same DNA code (well, barring maybe identical siblings, but even there, there’s slight variances), but that doesn’t mean people can’t have similar reactions. As far as psychologists, considering psychologists literally convinced my cousin that she was gay just because she had slight trouble with men (something which my mom, who actually HAD psychologist training from trying to train for nursing, was aghast at), I have zero reason to trust them at their word regarding that bit. Besides, even if that were true, it doesn’t change the fact that she outright hated the Pokemon Training profession at the start, which is STILL inexcusable.

“Suffering is not a competition.  This is not the Suffering Olympics.  And for the record, May and Norman’s relationship did appear to have quite a bit of emotional distance and strain in it.  If you actually watched AG, you’d probably know that.”

At least Norman’s actually IN her life, and not as a deadbeat dad, and at least she HAS an actual loving family to go to, unlike Misty and Brock, who were abandoned by their parents and in the case of Brock pretty much was forced to act as the closest thing they had to a parent until Flint came home, and had to endure fairly abusive siblings in Misty’s case. No matter how much emotional strain there might have been between May and Norman, it’s still nothing compared to outright abandonment (and not even “abandonment to protect your child and/or not deal with bad memories of a rape” kind of abandonment, but more “screw you kid, I’m not dealing with you anymore” kind of abandonment due to Misty and Brock regarding the Gym’s difficulties), to say little about outright abuse, and you know it. Now, if Norman and Caroline treated her like Uncle Vernon and Aunt Petunia Dursley did to Harry Potter by barely feeding scraps from the table, forcing him to sleep in a cupboard under the stairs up until his first year in Hogwarts (and even THEN, only out of a failed attempt at preventing the Owls from delivering Harry’s acceptance letter), and even doing stuff like outright starving him or locking him up for various reasons, heck, even deeply considering feeding him to Dementors, THEN you might have a point regarding how May’s interactions with her parents were a lot worse than Misty and Brock’s were, not to mention actually warranted.

“Liking a certain type of female character does not mean you are not a misogynist.  A lot of sexist dude bros like certain female characters.  Doesn’t mean they’re not misogynists.”

The literal definition of misogyny is “hatred of women”. I’m pretty sure true misogynists would outright HATE a woman simply for BEING a woman at all, not caring about her personality or character. Want a real misogynist? Look at General Blue from Dragon Ball: https://youtu.be/_wyt1Aq6hm8 Also Chi Fu from Mulan. THAT’S what an actual misogynist acts like, where they can’t so much as even STOMACH being six feet from a girl, being revulsed by them (not fearful of them, just disgusted with them).

“And May did receive good development.  A narrative direction you don’t like ≠ bad writing.”

Actually, it is bad writing, and I would have said it was bad writing even if I DID like the narrative direction/character. I said the same thing about Disney’s Beauty and the Beast and Beast’s development earlier, and in case you’ve forgotten, unlike May, I actually LIKED Beast as a character. 

“Nope, the Bible was still written by men.  God was not sitting up in Heaven with a typewriter and poof it down to Earth.  And yeah, let’s glorify how Christians committed genocide in order to convert people.”

We didn’t commit genocide in order to convert people. As far as the Bible, it was written by God, and handed down to us. It was certainly not written by men. Use your head, if it were written by men, and had biases from fallable people like men, don’t you think Jesus Christ, the Son of God, would have made sure to, I don’t know, outright destroy any passages that tarnish God’s view on things, and do so in a very public manner I ought to add?

“Also, Sodom and Gomorrah is NOT about homosexuality.  It’s about hospitality.  If you weren’t an awful person, you’d know that.  And while we’re on this topic, homosexuality is not a sin.  Comparing references to homosexuality in the Bible and what we think of being LGBT in modern times is like comparing apples and oranges.  First of all, you are blatantly ignoring historical context.  The homosexuality referenced in the Bible is outlawed because of its connection to pagan rituals.  There is nothing to even suggest that two people of the same gender who happen to be in love is bad.  Being trans is also fine.   Trans men are men, and trans women are women.”

1. Regarding the first part, those mob of men who came over to Lot’s house to interact with the two men who arrived (actually angels of God) certainly were acting very “hospitable” to them, considering they were trying to make them sleep with them. Or maybe I should quote the specific passage for you just so you realize that hospitality was far from the reason for its destruction: “The two angels arrived at Sodom in the evening, and Lot was sitting in the gateway of the city. When he saw them, he got up to meet them and bowed down with his face to the ground. 2 “My lords,” he said, “please turn aside to your servant’s house. You can wash your feet and spend the night and then go on your way early in the morning.”“No,” they answered, “we will spend the night in the square.”3 But he insisted so strongly that they did go with him and entered his house. He prepared a meal for them, baking bread without yeast, and they ate. 4 Before they had gone to bed, all the men from every part of the city of Sodom—both young and old—surrounded the house. 5 They called to Lot, “Where are the men who came to you tonight? Bring them out to us so that we can have sex with them.”6 Lot went outside to meet them and shut the door behind him 7 and said, “No, my friends. Don’t do this wicked thing. 8 Look, I have two daughters who have never slept with a man. Let me bring them out to you, and you can do what you like with them. But don’t do anything to these men, for they have come under the protection of my roof.”9 “Get out of our way,” they replied. “This fellow came here as a foreigner, and now he wants to play the judge! We’ll treat you worse than them.” They kept bringing pressure on Lot and moved forward to break down the door.10 But the men inside reached out and pulled Lot back into the house and shut the door. 11 Then they struck the men who were at the door of the house, young and old, with blindness so that they could not find the door.12 The two men said to Lot, “Do you have anyone else here—sons-in-law, sons or daughters, or anyone else in the city who belongs to you? Get them out of here, 13 because we are going to destroy this place. The outcry to the Lord against its people is so great that he has sent us to destroy it.”14 So Lot went out and spoke to his sons-in-law, who were pledged to marry[a] his daughters. He said, “Hurry and get out of this place, because the Lord is about to destroy the city!” But his sons-in-law thought he was joking.” Genesis 19:1-14. Does that REALLY sound like they were inhospitable to you?

2. Homosexuality IS a sin, actually. Aside from Sodom and Gomorrah as listed above, not to mention Leviticus 18:22, even the likes of Jesus’ apostles, with Jesus’s own blessing mind you, outright said that homosexuals are among those who are barred from heaven. And what’s in the past affects the present, since God’s law does NOT change (well, save for maybe dietary restrictions and/or mixed fabrics).

3. Actually, being trans IS bad. In fact, Deuteronomy 22:5 even explicitly states it’s outlawed to a man to wear a woman’s outfit and a woman to wear a man’s outfit.

“Also, there’s plenty of misogyny in the Bible.  And the Bible condones slavery, too.  Do you think that’s alright, too?”

The Bible’s reference to slavery actually referred to indentured servants or, you know, people holding jobs. If anything, God also didn’t like the kind of slavery you alluded to since... well, the Book of Exodus made that much very clear.

“Homosexuality is not a choice.  This has been proven before, you’re just a bigot.”

Homosexuality IS a choice, and even if it wasn’t, it’s a mental disorder, which means it needs to be cured. And that “proof” was homosexuals outright intimidating the APA into removing it from the list of disorders. It’s like saying psychopathy is not a problem just because it got removed from the DSM book while disregarding that it only got removed because psychopaths actually intimidated the guys writing the book into removing it. There’s even a term for it, “zapping the shrinks”, and in fact, the guy most instrumental in getting it removed,  Frank Kameny, outright admitted they got it removed due to outright intimidating them, or to quote him, “ At that point they were afraid to say no to us. So they said yes. “.

“Also, people often later discover they’re not the gender or sexuality they thought they were, so jot that down.  That’s not “choosing”, that’s self-discovery.  And please, characters are hardly ever confirmed as straight.  You just think they are because it’s the norm.”

When previous seasons or comics or what have you depicted the characters as actually dating, heck, even marrying the opposite sex without any indication of NOT being attracted to them, it’s pretty obvious they were in fact straight. “Self-discovery” is a stupid excuse to force a character to change. And for the record, the only reason my cousin became a lesbian was because a psychologist outright said that she was that just because she had some trouble with dating men, and my own mom was upset at the whole thing when she learned of it. And just as an FYI, it’s actually pretty common for homosexuals to become homosexual due to being molested by a sexual predator. It happened with George Takei, and it happened with the guy who founded the so-called “LGBT rights”, Karl Ulrichs. They even admit it, though aren’t willing to confront that they were in fact molested.

“And “ex-homosexuals”??? Either a) they found out they weren’t gay, or b) were victim to conversion therapy.  For the record, conversion therapy is abhorrent and should be outlawed.”

I am of the opposite view, that homoseuxality needs to ultimately be cured. Besides, considering the lifestyle has several maladies associated with it, not just STDs, but even being more prone to infections, it’s pretty clear it’s ultimately for their sake to do conversion therapy on them. Besides, what makes you think that the gay person DOESN’T want conversion therapy? What if said gay person actually REQUESTS conversion therapy? Should you refuse him?

“As for that CDC bullshit, homophobic studies don’t count.  And it’s literally well-documented that the healthcare issues LGBTQ people face is because of homophobia and transphobia.  You can even google this.”

Considering Google has been busted for trying to manipulate search results recently, I don’t think that telling me to do so is really good enough proof. Besides, I’m going by actual medical statistics posted by the CDC.

“Also, you can’t use the d slur if you are not a lesbian yourself.  If you do, you’re a lesbophobe.”

N-word priviledges, eh? Well, I never bought that. My idea is, if it’s bad for one to use that word, it’s bad for ALL people to use it, yes, even lesbians. And quite frankly, God already made it clear that homosexuality is a sin, multiple times, including in the New Testament, so whether I am a lesbophobe (that’s a new one) or not is ultimately irrelevant.

“And for the record, I’m not left-wing, and I certainly don’t support communism.”

Really? Because you sure are sounding like you do. And for the record, most leftists DO support homosexuality. Just ask Sartre and Foucault.

"You realize there are other choices between communism and capitalism, right?”

No, actually, there are not. Even Socialism is the same as Communism.

“And I don’t support misogynists, even if they aren’t conservative.”

It’s pointless since you probably won’t read this anyways, but prove it. Walk the walk instead of just talk the talk, to borrow an old cliche. Actually condemn the examples I listed of leftists doing that.

“And Pro-Life does NOT mean you’re not a misogynist. You literally don’t think women can do what they want with their own bodies.  And you apparently think a women should have to carry her rapist’s baby, so yeah, you’re a misogynist.”

First of all, Pro-life means defending the baby’s life, which is the most defenseless individual out there. When you’re literally advocating for abortion, you’re advocating for child murder, and what does that make you? Besides, rapists also can demand an abortion just to get rid of any evidence to their rape, so it’s actually disingenous to claim that rapists would want to keep the baby alive. Besides, there’s a little thing called “adoption”. Just because the baby is carried to term doesn’t mean the mother must raise that baby if it was conceived by rape. If she doesn’t want to deal with the fact that she was raped, she can always place the baby into adoption. In fact, NCIS actually dealt with that bit with the character Jack Sloane (and despite the name, Jack’s a woman, a biological woman at that. Jack stands for Jacqueline in this case.). She was raped in college while drunk, yet she still carried the baby to term, and despite clearly loving her newborn daughter, nevertheless put her into adoption largely because she really couldn’t deal with the painful memories of the rape. Ayame from Dead or Alive was a similar case, genuinely loving her daughter Ayane, despite the fact that she existed because Raidou raped her one night. Didn’t have an abortion, but put her into adoption largely thanks to her husband Shiden. And what if the woman DOESN’T want the abortion at all? Besides, the Suffragettes such as Susan B. Anthony were also against abortions, and if anything, they specifically stated that men would use abortions to keep women dependent on men.

“And “let autism define you”…I’m autistic.  And upapologetically so.  So, apparently you just have some internalized ableism.”

Yeah, I have autism as well, and unapologetically as well. But I don’t use it as a crutch (in fact, rarely see the need to reference it specifically to avoid using it as an excuse), so no, I don’t have internalized ableism.

“That’s not what a Pokémon Stylist is.  Serena was a Pokémon Performer.   Pokémon Stylists got their own episode in DP.  See, this is why you shouldn’t try to complain about shows you don’t watch.”

Fine, I stand corrected there. However, after looking it up on Bulbapedia after you mentioned that it’s not the same as Pokemon Performers, it nevertheless made it VERY clear from various characters such as Paris and Hermione that they were similar to Pokemon Coordinators, and in fact, Paris even specifically stated it was a subset of Pokemon Coordinators, so my point about their similarities still stands right there.

“Lmfao, did you really just play the whole “you’re the real bigot” card??? I’m not a bigot for having no tolerance for intolerance.  There is NO REASON I should tolerate intolerance.  YOU are still the bigot.  A bigot is someone who holds prejudice against other groups, such as LGBTQ people, women, people of color, people with disabilities, etc.  YOU fit that bill, especially considering your hatred of LGBTQ people.”

Oh really? Because you seem to be intolerant towards straight people, christians, and all of those types of people, or any traditionally minded women as well. Like an SJW in other words. And for the record, it doesn’t matter what I myself think, what matters is what God thinks since He is in charge of everything. Besides, according to the dictionary, a Bigot is “obstinate and unreasoning attachment to one’s own beliefs and opinions, with intolerance of beliefs opposed to them; also acts or beliefs ensuing from such a condition”, which if anything describes you to a T. At least I make sure to take into account any mistakes I made and admit I’ve made some mistakes in my prior analysis when you point them out (case in point, the bit about Serena having a Stylist goal).

“And people can learn things from another person in ways that don’t involve giving pointers, genius.”

The entire POINT of learning involves being given pointers. That’s even why School exists, not to mention why parents tend to teach their kids life skills.

“I really hope you wake up someday and become a better person, but I doubt you will.”

What you’re acting like is not what God defines as a better person.

“Have fun being an awful and hate-filled person.”

Seriously? I’m the one who at least gave you a chance to talk, and even corrected bits of my analysis that were mistaken. You refused to correct yourself for anything like that. Not to mention you tended to rely on insults and SJW talking points. If anything, you’re the awful and hate-filled person. Nice projection, BTW. And fine, was getting tired of you anyway.

[crownedmidas]

❛ i need to get in the right mind and clear myself up. ❜

February 23rd.

I’ve always wondered, if I wrote a story about my own life, how it would begin. Would it begin where it all began, at birth, with the tragedy of my mother’s death? Would I, or whoever had the unpleasant task of retelling my singular and insignificant life, begin the story with men in colored scrubs, surrounding a bleeding woman and holding a crying newborn? Or would it begin when I was nine, when I was out on the playground and saw the first boy I found myself attracted to? Would it really be on that semi-windy day where we chased one another around the swing set until we tumbled down, him on top of me, the light in his hair, and with me, discovering how beautiful he was? This, of course, would follow him shouting, “you’re it,” and me being forced to chase around a dozen nine year olds to no avail. The teacher would call us in from recess and I would spend the rest of my lessons doing what I did best: fantasizing about the people around me, particularly him, with his golden blonde hair and molten brown eyes. Later, when I sat with my crayons and paper at home and drew the both of us holding hands, my father would come in and tear the paper from my fat little hands. I still remember the disgust that rolled onto his face; it never went away. Maybe it wouldn’t begin like that though. Maybe it would begin in the air, with my hands pressed against the window as I stared down at the million different lights below, the airplane descending down into the best and broadest home I’ve ever known. Maybe it would begin with the fairytale prince finding me, with his wide, but beautiful smile, broad shoulders and well defined jaw. Maybe it would begin in Paris, where I’ve never been happier, more sad too, but more alive than I’ve ever been.

Before I proceed, I must warn you in an explicit form, because it is me and not some stranger who heard from a guy who heard from a guy of my story, that I am an avid daydreamer. Everything that I tell you is subject to questioning. My heart and my imagination are my biggest downfall and best strength. They will distort the story, but nonetheless, it will be true. Let me begin, not with my past as I’ve always imagined, nor with a peak into my present, but with an explanation of who I am. My name is Giovanni Summers. I am many things. I am a writer, who struggles with broken pencils and a distaste with pens. I am a homosexual, something my father deemed inappropriate and an abomination. I am human, made of mistakes, emotions, triumphs, and failures. I am the blood and bones of my body. I am the skin that I wear, the hair on my head. I am my legs, my arms, my rear. I am many things, but you may call me Giovanni.

Now that you’ve gotten to know me, I am predisposed to introduce yourself into my narrative. You are a leather bound book in which I am writing for to, as he advised me to, “get in the right mind and clear my head.” He, being which, will be introduced at a later point. It was be very distinct as to who he is and quite possibly very soon as I don’t believe I will be able to tell the story without introducing him. But as we were, we were introducing you. You have three hundred pages exactly. While your pages aren’t numbered, the little strap of paper attached to you upon purchase was informative enough. You have white pages with blue lines, a brown cover, and a strap to close you with. At this time, I am unsure if I will be able to fill all three hundred pages, or alternatively, be able to cram my entire story into three hundred pages, particularly because, I am not dead. My story is not complete. But for now, this will have to suffice.

As for the reader, I do not know who you are. My active imagination makes me want to believe that you are fourteen, bored out of your mind in a house that you do not live in, and rummaging through things that are not yours. I imagine that you have found this old book and hope that the language it is written in is understandable to your teenage mind and the messages in it resonate with your teenage soul. Or perhaps you are reading it through your screen. Perhaps someone put my story on the web to share with hundreds or thousands, maybe even more, though probably very less. That being said, if you so choose to do, I give you permission to publish this story on the web, but only under one condition. I’d like to be dead before all of my secrets and internal thoughts are spread through the internet. I do not expect to be well known, as I am as already put, insignificant and singular, but I hope this won’t be too much to ask. Please, if you wish to share my story, check to make sure I’m dead first. At the very least, flip through the last page now to check if I have died by the end of this story. I promise, if I reach page 300 and have not died, I will make sure the last line will say as much. And if I don’t, well. Then you have your permission. For simplicities sake, I will continue on referencing you as ‘journal’ throughout the remainder of my story.

It is raining today. I am seated outside on a balcony of an apartment complex that is not mine. If I’m being honest, the clothes on my back aren’t even mine. They, both the apartment and the clothes, belong to him. He is 5’9” and I am 6’4”. He is also broader than I am, so as you can imagine, the fit isn’t perfect. Where are my clothes, you ask? My clothes are in the cycle, drying from the rain. To make matters clear, I do have a home of my own and clothes of my own. There was a point in my life where I did not have the former, and during that point, I lived here. It is why, despite how awkward I can be, I feel in complete ease here. That ease is also the reason that I am forced to clear my head through pencil and paper. The thing is, I feel complete ease in a house that belongs to a man who does not belong to me.

His name is Wesley Bourque. He has blue eyes and an uncanny ability to make anybody in the room fall completely and hopelessly in love with him with a single conversation. Now Journal, I imagine at this point you wish it was his story you were reading instead of mine, as he is vastly more intriguing, but fret not. He is deeply imbedded into mine and I doubt, even with 297 pages still blank, I will be able to finish this story without making mentions of him every two to five pages.

I did not intend to to show up in the pouring rain, just as I did not intend to fall in love with him. Before I continue, I want to mention that he is gay. This isn’t one of those kinds of stories. But he does have a boyfriend. They were in an open relationship, a concept I did not understand when he told me, and a concept I do not pretend to understand now. I don’t believe there’s anything wrong with it, but the idea of being deeply and utterly in love in Paris has always been ingrained in my subconscious, even before I knew where Paris really was. But they had their agreement. They kissed other men, slept with other people, often together if they cared for it, but they always came home to one another. Looking between the pair, I never thought they were ever in love.

I know my disposition leaves me biased and my judgment impaired, but I never saw it. I see it in a thousand people, strangers I’ve never met, images of their stories in my head, but I did not see it in them. It wasn’t for lack of trying either. I thought, perhaps it’s a good thing, to be so in love with one another and respect each other enough to know that there were other people who could provide them better pleasure, but it wasn’t that. They were very active in their private lives, especially with one another. To say they weren’t enough to satisfy one another was a lie. I believe what they lacked with one another was a connection between the heart and the soul. They enjoyed one another, but they did not love one another. I believe Wesley is beginning to realize that too, only, I don’t think he wants to.

As you might have noticed, I referred to Wesley’s open relationship all in the past tense, as it is, or I hope it will be soon, in the past. I am the reason to blame for that. While it wasn’t my intent, I did not arrive to Wesley’s door soaking wet on a whim. I could not ask him to make the choice between myself and his boyfriend, as I am sure which one he would have chosen. I am just one person after all, and Wesley was accustomed to more, much better than me. But I couldn’t stand it anyone. I couldn’t stand watching him with other people, my heart in my throat and my mind whirling with possibilities of all the people who might have been as equally in love with him as I am. I’d watch him, like a sad puppy, speaking to other men and wonder if he would go home with them tonight or with me. I could not live my life like that anymore, and as I have no claim on him, I made the decision to leave.

Now, to be clear, leaving him is not equivalent to leaving Paris, even when it felt as such. Every time I stepped out the door, I was reminded of him. I’d go to the park and remember him taking me here. I’d remember the dogs we played with or the kite he rescued for the little girl. Every time I looked up at another attractive man, I’d wonder if he knew him. I was in a rut and he was no better. I don’t know exactly what had happened between them, but I do know the aftermath that lead me here. Wesley had called, his voice frantic or angry, bits of French slipping between his English, indistinguishable words uttered in between. I came quick, perhaps too quick, but when I did, I found him alone. His boyfriend had left him and Wesley wanted to leave for good. More so, he wants me to come with him.

I cannot leave. As I have entered into my fourth page now, that has become abundantly clear. He wants to go to Florence, to start over with me there, but I’m afraid. I think all he’s really doing is as I’ve done: running. It makes sense. He found himself in Paris, he fell in love, and then he never left. Selfishly, I’d like to think he fell in love again and now he does not know how to process it. I told him I needed a moment, that I would consider it, but I can’t. I, too, have fell in love with Paris. I know it all reminds me of him, but he reminds me of happiness. I cannot leave, but I hope, dear journal, I can convince him to stay.

[alittlewitchyplace]

This got really long. I had a lot of feelings. Hopefully it’s articulate enough. 

Anyway, TL;DR is: If you’re not a part of a minority, you can never understand what they’re experiencing. White people need to step back and listen to what black people are telling us. We need to acknowledge that we’ve been influenced by a racist society and actively seek to change our way of thinking.

This is something I’ve wanted to talk about for awhile, and now seems like a perfect time. I’m going to preface this by saying; I am a cisgendered white woman, and so I have a lot of privilege that others aren’t afforded. I acknowledge this fully.

I also understand that, as a cisgendered white woman living in a society where white, cis privilege is the norm, I understand that I do not experience and can never understand the daily, constant fear and discrimination that people of color experience. I acknowledge and accept that I am inherently part of a racist and transphobic society, and therefore that no matter how much I try to relate, I have and maybe always will have some tendencies that may be offense to people of minority groups I am not a part of.

Therefore, if any of my followers ever notice me saying or doing things they consider offensive, racist, bigoted, anything like that, please know that it is not intended, and please tell me. I want to know, I want to learn, I want to improve.

I have recently found myself as a part of minority groups I previously did not consider myself a part of, or was not affected by. Namely, I have begun living as an openly gay individual with my partner Vivi. I hear and see the heteronormative stereotypes all around me now, and am distinctly aware of my own language and thoughts now, which occasionally are part of the same problem that makes me feel belittled, and sometimes afraid for being with another person of my same sex.

Constantly I’m being asked “Do you have a husband? Do you have children? Oh, your boyfriend must be a lucky man-” things that cause a brief surge of panic in me because of the abuse I suffered from my Christian upbringing for being homosexual. When I tell someone I’m engaged and their first response is “What’s HIS name?” Correcting someone and telling them that “HER name is...” is so terrifying.

And I realize that I have passing privilege. People don’t look at me and assume I’m gay. People look at me and see a pretty, cis white girl and assume that I must be straight. If I feel unsafe in my environment and don’t think it’s safe for me to out myself, I can easily divert the discussion, I don’t have to reveal that. I can’t imagine having that fear literally on my skin. Knowing that my appearance is an identifier of something people can and will be discriminatory about.

The second minority group that I’ve found myself suddenly relating with is as a disabled person. Several years ago, I was in a severe car accident, in which I shattered my hip. I was very lucky and did heal, and was able to go back to my life as usual after a little over a year. However, now, ten years later, complications have arisen because of my injury. I’m going to be needing a surgery soon, but I can’t currently afford it. I experience pain on a daily basis, at varying degrees. I have to use a cane to walk most days, on really bad pain days I might have to use a motorized chair at a grocery store to be able to get around. 

I realize because of all of this how Ableist I can and have been in my life. I’m one of those people who will see a partially mobile person getting up out of their wheel chair to reach something on a shelf and feel an eye roll, or thoughts that they must not be “that” disabled. This is a horrible mindset, and I hate it, and I am consciously trying to stop this mindset, especially since I am one of those people now. Some people might see me some days without even needing my cane, then needing it the next day, and needing a chair on other days. It might look like I’m faking or doing it for attention, but the fact is that my disability isn’t always consistent, that some days are better than others.

These things have caused me to start trying to rewire the way I think, to be more conscious of my thoughts, words and actions, and the inherently Heteronormative, Ableist, Racist, Homophobic and Transphobic and otherwise judgemental and negative thoughts. It’s a work in progress, it’s hard, and it’s not something that will change overnight.

The reason I wanted to share this experience now, is because I know there are white people out there right now who may be offended by some of the things said during this time, with the black lives matter movement. Maybe you’re someone with the “but all lives should matter” mentality, maybe you’re someone who believes you’re in no way racist and don’t ever have racist thoughts. Maybe you think people are overreacting. 

You’re wrong. You cannot understand what it is like to be a part of a minority, to see judgemental looks and be fearful of physical violence or death just for being who you are. None of us can understand that. And we live in a society that has taught us to b suspicious of people of color. To have racist thoughts. To turn a blind eye to the problems in the world. To believe what the media is telling us is true. To believe that cops have our best interests at heart.

If you consider yourself an ally in this movement, please, please take some time to reflect on yourself, on the way you think, the words you say, and the things you do. Think about it from a black person’s perspective. Try and put yourself in that place. Try and spin the narrative in a way that makes sense to you. And listen to what people of color are telling us right now. Listen when someone tells you that what you’re saying/doing is racist. Don’t get mad, don’t get defensive, just listen, and try and improve.

We all need to stick together through this, and if we’re going to change something that has been so ingrained in our culture for so long, then we need to start with ourselves. We need to start internally with changing our language, our beliefs, our biases. We need to be good allies. We need to step aside and let the black people speak. We can support them, and we should, but they need to lead this fight, and we need to listen to what they need from us and stand with them.

[abandoned-never-finished]

An Investi(gay)tion Into Existing as Queer

Societies operate off a culturally and historically entrenched set of norms, or rules and standards by which that particular society functions and organizes itself. These norms can be informal (e.g. walking on the right side of a sidewalk) or formal (e.g. laws). Individuals who comply with these norms are described as normative, whereas those who fail to follow norms in some respect are labeled as deviants. Deviating from social norms can result in sanctions, or consequences for not heeding an established rule. Again, these can range from informal (e.g. people giving you a dirty look for bumping into them) to formal (e.g. prison time for committing a crime). In order to function in a society, individuals learn these rules through a process called socialization. Family, peer groups, school, work, and larger institutions are all agents of socialization. They teach people the social norms and expectations, as well as how to comply with them. It is important to note that there are certain norms that individuals break simply by existing. This is most clearly seen among minority groups; disabled people, for example, deviate from the norm that prizes and acknowledges able-bodied people.

In this experiment, I breached the heteronormative norms surrounding romantic relationships by appearing with my partner in public. Essentially, I went about my normal life with my partner and recorded what it’s like to be publicly viewed as a queer couple. In American society, heterosexual relationships are assumed to be the norm. Couples that present as anything other than heterosexual (e.g. male-male, female-female, androgynous, etc.) are seen as deviant. This norm stems from homophobic (or perhaps more accurately, queerphobic) attitudes and beliefs that are historically rooted. Events including Hitler’s murder of homosexuals, the AIDS epidemic initially attributed as a “gay disease,” and the belief that homosexuality was a diagnosable psychological disorder have contributed to these attitudes. One may argue that as a society, the United States has come far since the days of brutal stories like those of Matthew Shepard and the Stonewall Riots. However, I hope to point out how many openly discriminatory behaviors have been replaced by microaggressions. Though these acts may seem inconsequential, the additive stress of experiencing them repeatedly has been demonstrated to be damaging across minority groups. I believe it’s important to note that I am speaking from limited experience: I only came to terms with my queerness and have been in a queer relationship for roughly a year and a half. I have never experienced acts of violence or explicit threats as a result of my sexuality, but I do know other queer people who have. Thus, I can only speak for what I have encountered, but I’m sure that other queer people can relate to some of these experiences.

When I am out in public with my partner, we make an effort to not read as a queer couple, largely for fear of repercussion or negative reactions. We rarely hold hands in public. We hardly ever display affection without first checking that nobody is watching or present. To members of their extended family, I am always introduced simply as a friend. These precautions seem minor, but when one considers how they permeate so many daily interactions, it becomes apparent just how draining they can be.

A small café in our hometown in Connecticut is one of the few places we generally feel safe. Still, we’re conscious of who’s in the room when we want to be affectionate. If there are people belonging to particular groups (e.g. older white people, people meeting for bible studies or other religious gatherings, etc.), we usually revert to acting as if we are just friends. One such instance occurred fairly early in our relationship. We were sitting next to each other in a booth-style table in the back corner of the empty café. While we were sitting close to each other, there was no other obvious affection being displayed. A white woman (maybe in her 30s) walked in with her young daughter who appeared to be about 6 years old. They ordered drinks and sat down at a table near us. About 10 minutes into their stay and after glancing over at us repeatedly, the mother physically moved her daughter to sit so that her back was towards us. They stayed seated that way until they left some time later. As someone who was just coming into my queerness, this incident stuck with me. I was hurt not only by how blatant the action had seemed, but also by the fact that it had involved this woman’s young daughter. Children learn from their parent(s)’ actions and beliefs, and this little girl was implicitly being taught intolerance. She may continue to perform small actions such as these without realizing how they affect the intended recipients. I remember pointing this out to my partner (who has been out for several years) and they shrugged, remarking that this was nothing new to them. Although I had known beforehand that queerphobia was alive and well, I didn’t exactly realize just how much it would impact my own reality.

Several weeks ago, my partner and I went out for an early dinner at an Olive Garden restaurant. Considering the time (around 4:30-5:00), the majority of the clientele were elderly.  We did receive a few sideways glances, but nothing too terribly out of the ordinary. Our waitress, a young woman in her 20s or 30s, seated us at a four-person table, placing our menus next to each other instead of across from each other. I didn’t think much of it; neither of us was exactly dressed in “date-like” attire, nor were we necessarily acting explicitly as a couple. After we had finished eating, the waitress brought us the (digital) check and slid the machine over to my partner, rather than placing it in front of me or at the center of the table, despite the fact that I was the one paying. I’m sure she meant no harm and likely didn’t realize she had done that, but it made me wonder how she might have perceived us. Could she have assumed my partner is the more dominant or “male” member in the relationship, considering they are older than I am and present as more masculine? Could this be a reflection of implicit biases? Or maybe it meant nothing at all, that there was no intent unconscious or otherwise behind the action. But therein lies the reality of existing as queer people (or as members of other minority groups): you learn to read into things and assume that there is always the potential for a threat to be present. You learn to censor your existence out of fear of people’s reactions.

Recently, my partner and I were again at the local café, seated at a table and working on our respective assignments. Two heterosexual couples came in, apparently stopping for coffee before traveling together to a show. All four individuals were white and 65+ years old, which is unsurprisingly a group neither my partner nor I expect much acceptance from. We continued doing our work, not touching and hardly talking to each other during the time they were there. At one point, my partner got up to use the restroom. One of the men (I’ll call him George for clarity’s sake) had to use the restroom while my partner was still inside. Realizing the door was locked, he sat back down with the group.  A few minutes later, the other man asked, “Are you sure there’s someone in there?” to which George responded, “Yeah, her partner went in there, I saw her.” Putting aside the misgendering, George’s use of the word “partner” caught me completely off guard as we hadn’t been affectionate (and frankly had interacted very little) since the group had arrived. I then wondered if we read as queer. The use of “partner” doesn’t bother me, because that word should be normalized, but the context and realization that we read as a couple when we make a conscious effort not to “act gay” in front of people left me uncomfortable and honestly a little freaked out. It reinforced the realization that there is always the potential for us to be unsafe if people perceive us as different.

As a result of this fear of being seen as different, deciding whether to present as queer or to pass as straight is something that I’ve struggled with thus far in my experience with queerness. It’s a large part of the reason it took me so long to cut my hair short again. It’s the reason that, while I’m very comfortable in “masculine” clothing (e.g. button downs, oxfords, bowties/ties), I worry that when wearing them I’ll be perceived as queer. This experience is a double-edged sword, however. While there is the concern surrounding presenting as queer, I don’t want to hide my identity and dislike being perceived as heterosexual because I’m not heterosexual.  This seems to be a balancing act a lot of queer people struggle with. They want to feel safe, but they don’t want to grapple with the invalidation of being assumed to be heterosexual and/or cisgender (especially if this has happened many times before).

This balancing act between presenting as queer or not is often met with an outside perspective that asks questions like, “Why does it matter if people think you’re straight?” On the one hand, it’s true that my sexuality is not all that there is to my identity, and in theory, being assumed straight seems a minor issue (especially when compared to the dangers faced by many queer people who cannot be out as a result of both legal and societal repercussions). But it does matter, because heteronormative perspectives are so pervasive, and hearing them constantly results in a never-ending string of (usually unintentional) microinvalidations. My doctor doesn’t ask me if I’m sexually active or having safe sex, she asks if I have a boyfriend. Relatives want to know if I’ve met any cute boys at school. My parents hint (sometimes not so subtly) at things that I should do, like wearing makeup, removing body hair, letting my hair grow out, dressing “femininely”, or using perfume, because men won’t find the alternative attractive. These small acts that imply that some part of my existence should serve to impress men simply because I am a woman are draining, nevermind incredibly invalidating. These are not “big” instances of discrimination. I have never been harmed or threatened for my queerness. But hearing those remarks and putting in the energy to always check my queerness at the door can get exhausting. Many minority groups experience something similar to this, and for those who cannot present as the majority group (e.g. people of color), it’s even more impactful.

Now of course, this is not all to say that I haven’t had positive experiences with being public in my queerness. Just this week, my partner and I went apple picking together and held hands and kissed throughout, regardless of who else might have been in the field or the orchard’s market. We received no staring, glares, or commentary. But there are also dozens of instances in other settings where we noticed people staring at us or glancing over far too many times to be accidental that I don’t remember in enough detail to recount here. There are the countless times I’ve struggled to find a label to describe my partner to friends on campus if I didn’t know their feelings towards queer people and nonbinary terms. I’ve used the term boyfriend instead of partner to avoid the dreaded “oh” that really means, “I didn’t know you were gay,” or to deter boys who wouldn’t take “girlfriend” to be an indicator that they should stop flirting. There are all the times where I’ve debated if outing myself to someone was worth the possibility of losing the friendship. Navigating queerness often feels like a very calculated existence of shifting between scripts depending on their recipients.

More positively though, there is something to be said for the type of people my partner and I are among and how that impacts feelings of difference. If we go out on a double date with another queer couple for example, or spend time with friends who are also queer, we are more likely to be comfortable acting publicly queer. Being around other queer people provides a sense of ingroup, a certainty that we aren’t the only “deviants” in the room, so to speak. It takes some of the pressure off of us to behave in a way that will make heterosexuals the least uncomfortable. This safety-net provided by being around other queer people is more obvious in settings like gay bars and pride parades. There is an understanding that you are occupying a space that is both safe and intended for you. Being out with a friend group that also identifies as queer offers some of this same feeling, just on a smaller scale.

So, what does all this mean for queer people who deviate simply by existing and going about their lives? How does one grapple with that concept? In truth, I’m not really sure. It seems the only available option is to become aware of this reality (not doing so isn’t exactly a choice available to queer people), exist in it, and whenever possible, fight against it. For those who are not queer, awareness is critical. It is all too easy to exist in a bubble without understanding how social norms affect people’s everyday lives. Even I did not realize how subtle and pervasive queerphobia was, and I would have considered myself a fairly aware and accepting person. People often say they would be afraid to travel back in time because any small action could cause a butterfly effect, rippling out and changing the course of history. Yet, they rarely seem to think that small actions now will have any larger impact in the future.  Taking the time to understand people’s experiences as members of “naturally” deviant groups and using that knowledge to guide small actions is the first step towards effecting change that cannot come soon enough.