#DarrylJensen

[dwjensen]

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August 5, 2017

Facing the Dawn: 

5 am beckoned me to simply get out of bed and watch the sunrise from my patio. A night of strange dreams, a week of near overwhelming change that ended with radium therapy planning will do that to you. Mind you, my sense of humor has been having a ball with all of this new material. A Pharmacy assistant warned me against the “long term” use of a medication; I replied that it was all good and that my cancer didn’t grant me a “long term.” A friend didn’t want to intrude by phoning me, I replied to phone/visit when they wanted to…I didn’t have much time….just saying. 

Geeze I crack myself up…I’m not using black comedy as escapism but rather my mirth comes from my new sense of wonder.

Einstein once said, “My sense of God is my sense of wonder about the universe.” I hadn’t thought of this phrase until writing this but something seems to collide with my life now as it stands. Everyday is a sense of wonder, delight, joy and simple self -amusement. My balance is practical reality, “what can I do today?…how can I be productive? etc.,” (this extended time off work was unplanned). Yet I cant shake this inner confidence in something that I’m yet to define and yet to fulfill; but I do know with a surety that finds me fearless, my destiny awaits as a dusk or a dawn. Both hold the magic that is withheld for us all.

Some have said of late of the “unfairness” of a paramedic stricken with cancer. While the sentiment behind the words are so full of best wishes and kind thoughts that it makes my eyes leak, I have to say that from my perspective, my experience makes this easier. I’ve never met anyone ever deserving of this illness and the people whom I have had the pleasure of serving who have been suffering from cancer, have displayed such dignity and grace that I can only hope to emulate them. 

You see, it’s all about service…how we serve each other…how we best look after each other. As a Paramedic I had difficulty in later years trying to contain the sadness that I had witnessed. It finally came to me that it was the service that was the privilege…the blessing bestowed upon you so that you could go and face these horrible scenes and stories and be there as a servant to heal or to simply witness. And now as I look back, even if I never have the opportunity to serve again I would not change any aspect of my life well lived.

And we all serve others, as family members, as a community and as a country. People who sell food are in service, office workers are in service, shelf fillers are in service, whatever the occupation and whatever your social situation, you will be in service to others many times daily. There’s the privilege, there’s the blessing. 

Those whom I have served are with me now, assisting, advising and reminding me of their own journeys. I feel them looking over my shoulder right now…so many angels…how could I ever be sad on this beautiful dawn.