#David Millar’s obsession with the Tour de France led to the wheels falling off his life"

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David Millar’s obsession with the Tour de France led to the wheels falling off his life

It was never enough. Until it became too much.

& # 39; The only thing I wanted to do was take a ride from France & # 39 ;, says David Millar. & # 39; That's all. That was the extent of my ambition. But it was a pretty big one, given that I was a child in Hong Kong and there was no tradition to race there or in my family. & # 39;

Millar continued to ride in 12 Tours de France and won five stages. De Schot was the first Briton to wear the leader's jersey in the three major tours of France, Italy and Spain . He won national championships and Commonwealth gold.

His career was broken by the events of June 23, 2004, when the police found bottles of EPO and syringes at home. The dusty, rising young star was a baptist.

Fourteen years later, sitting in the back of a Maserati who accelerated him from a screening of the extraordinary movie Time Trial (timetrialfilm.com) in Edinburgh to run again in Glasgow, Millar talks with a frank, cheeky honesty, preservation of those who crashed at high speed but still survived

The details of the drug failure – the science, the moral, the legal process – have since been examined, not least by Millar himself.

Yet his most fascinating aspect, his teaching to ordinary mortals living in the slipstream of elite sport, has not been fully investigated. Can salvation be achieved? How? And at what price?

There was life after 2004. There is life thereafter, not in the last place to continue racing career for a decade and now, at 41, the future in which Millar has to use all his gifts to illuminate away from the saddle to push itself into other areas. He does not reject the pain of 2004.

There were questions that needed to be answered.

& # 39; Are we now just wallowing in self-pity and suffering? Or am I going to take this over and say: "Yes, this hurts, but I can beat this, I can change this and overcome it". It is really very important to make that conscious decision. & # 39;

His work, his obsession, his passion gave him the means to do this. It is in extremes that the true self emerges. Racing takes you to the edge, & # 39; he says. & # 39; I have always taken myself to the breaking point and further. I found the truth in dark places. I actually noticed that it was not so dark, but you have to go there to realize that too. & # 39;

Time Trial is a stark, cheeky, funny and compelling glimpse of Millar's last year as a cyclist in 2014. He spent eighteen years as a pro, the majority of his childhood dreamed and his first years of retirement as a writer, commenting on others and now the subject of a film.

This process is liberating. It started in a moment caught in the movie. "In an anonymous platoon in an undisciplined race, Millar suddenly says to no one except the world:" I have to change. "It turned out to be his resignation letter

& # 39; I had an awakening. I do not have to do this anymore. I am not going to sacrifice my family in the purest sense as father and husband to finish a line. & # 39; So who said goodbye?

& # 39; First, I assume, the competitor. I spent a lot of time on a bike, but I always enjoyed it, "he says. Well, I loved racing, not so much from the training side of things. It was an unadulterated love for racing. & # 39; Beyond genetics, training, even the customized bike, he is aware of the element of his personality that made him, broke and eventually recovered.

& # 39; It was my ability not to give up, "Millar says. & # 39; People talk about enduring, succeeding. But it is even more primitive.

& # 39; When people told me something was impossible, I said: & # 39; I do not believe you. & # 39; I continued and did not give up. It was about the inherent desire to challenge myself, to prove that I could do things that people thought impossible or that you would break. That was fun. & # 39;

& # 39; Athletes do not feel guilty about this. The whole behavioral pattern is: "What will help me achieve this?" Everyone around it can be collateral.

& # 39; The nice man or nice woman as a top athlete is extremely rare. They are normally not caring, thoughtful, attentive people. These are not attributes that help you to be successful. & # 39; Given the effects on his emotional life, the physical pain, the dullness that is broken by controversy, why did he continue to do it?

& # 39; It's essentially about competing against yourself & # 39 ;, he says. "Cycling has a lot in common with boxing. You are going to take hits, but it is up to you not to stand up, not to look away. There is something very interesting about the psyche of the cyclist. What do we do ourselves?

& # 39; The rewards are deeper than money or fame. You go to places in the psyche that you otherwise never go to. You can enter a state of grace. I always called them magical days. It is an example of flow, you go to the meta level where there is clarity and clarity. It is almost out of the body.

In Time Trial there is a moment when fellow remarks that Millar is too much & # 39; a thinker & # 39; is.

He pleads guilty and adds: & # 39; The creative side of me was something that acted against the thinking that you need to be successful. I had an intellectual curiosity, enjoy learning things, meet interesting people, but that is difficult as a professional athlete. You are almost conditioned against the opposite. Do not think too much, do not look outside, do not pierce your own bubble. & # 39;

& # 39; The hardest thing is to change, but it came to me through a process of reflection that I can not do this anymore, "he says, I can not lie to myself. must be outside and be someone else, be the other part of me. "A father of two boys and a girl, all younger than six, he writes, comments and is involved in the sponsor and marketing deals reserved for the retired top athlete, but he looks at more.

& # 39; I hope that I will be very successful in something else in the coming years. ", says Millar." This is much more difficult than The Tour de France Building my life is the biggest challenge I've ever experienced. "Six hours later, his company ends with a question from a punter in Glasgow's movie theater.

Asked if he parvenu & # 39; s race that might challenge him for his daily bike spider, he answers: & # 39; competitive chip is mine. I think it's great when we are busy with the bicycle as a family and are floating around with the kids. There is joy in that. & # 39; The racer has become the father. This is more than enough.

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