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jj-knox-blog · 5 years

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A N O L D W O U N D

"You're not going to cry are you?" she asked, eyes darting nervously around the bustling diner. I choke back tears and smile wanly. The plastic menus between us remained unopened and sticky with syrup.

"Too late, Mom," I warn her "Just talking about it feels heavy."

"-Hello! What can I get you ladies to drink?" The waitress interrupts us then. Our heads turned up in unison, momentarily distracted by a young girl who's exhausted gaze does not match the cheerful Holiday quote on her bright red t-shirt. "Be Good For Pancake Sake!" The elf on her shirt exclaims.

"Coffee." We chorused, a reflex.

"And water for the food." I threw in with a grateful smile. She nodded and continued on her route, making a beeline for the kitchen.

"So you were saying," Mom pressed, "You want to get Regressed. Why? What's going on?" I swallowed and looked at her, the thought alone makes my hands cold with nerves.

"You know how you always say I was abandoned in another life?" She nodded and leaned forward, eyes alight with curiosity, "Well, I don't think I was abandoned. I think I'm the one who abandoned someone."

"Really?" She leaned back, thrown by the sudden change in our life-long theory, "And who did you abandon?"

"My son," I said, my voice thick with emotion. Before I could stop it, two tears fell past my eyelashes, quick and hot.

"How do you know?"

The girl returned then, two small mugs dangling between her fingertips, a pot of coffee balanced on her open palm. In her other hand was a small ceramic bowl, overflowing with creamer and sugar. I wipe my tears away hastily and help settle everything down.

"I'll give you two a minute," she mumbles, eyeing our unopened menus. Together, my mom and I set to work immediately- three sugars and one creamer for her the remaining mountain of condiments for me.

"I have this...memory of a young boy's shoulder blades. He's facing away from me and I am leaving him. I don't know why I'm leaving but I know that I have to. It was the right thing to do."

I'm crying again, the words falling from my mouth like therapy.

"The other day I was driving back from Crossfit and it hit me. I tried to block it but I guess I was so physically drained that I couldn't hold it back anymore. Next thing I know, I'm sobbing- the same picture in my head. I apologized then to the little boy, out loud in the car by myself. Over and over I said the words 'I'm so sorry but I had to.' It was crazy. I've never felt anything like that before..."

"Holy shit." Mom said, settling a hand over her mug to keep the warmth trapped in the confines of the porcelain. "And you think Past Life Regression can help you with that?"

"I know it will. I need to release this. I feel it there, a pressure always building. Like an old wound that I can't heal because-"

"Because you don't have the right tools. I understand." she finished.

I nodded and leaned forward on my elbows.

"Okay," she said, springing into action, "I'll do it with you. I get the same feeling every time I drive over one of those bridges on the expressway. In another life, I fell off that thing and died in a car crash for sure."

I watch my mom scroll through google in search of a Hypnotherapist near us and the knot in my chest loosens. Then I look down at the coffee mug in my hand and realize I'm starving.

"Now, where the fuck is this waitress? I already know what I want."

"Me too." She chimes in.

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