#Fucking burned my hair blowing these birthday candles lol

[deeplyconcerned2]

[kiridarling]

𝐓𝐈𝐌𝐄 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐍𝐆𝐄𝐒.

katsuki bakugou | birthday gone wrong (aha), f!reader, baker!reader, pro hero!katsuki, blizzards, angst and smut, exhibitionism, cockwarming, begging, confessions. minors dni!

— 4.7k words

Wanna blow off some steam?

“Surprise!”

Katsuki jumps ten feet high, and the plastic grocery bags precariously balanced on each finger tear without a second thought. Apples hit the ground with a thud and the egg carton with a depressing slap; one that signifies the crack of at least half a dozen. Katsuki looks at the crowd, red-faced and livid, and Eijirou Kirishima intercepts the awkward silence with:

“Happy Birthday Bakubro! I know y—“

“Said that I didn’t want a fuckin’ party?” Katsuki growls, groceries forgotten on the forgotten. Eijirou looks guilty and chuckles, scratching the back of his head.

“W-Well, yeah, but—“

“Everybody out.”

People sigh, and you think you hear Denki whisper told you he’d kick us out. You hate to say that you foresaw a similar outcome. Katsuki’s never been one for people.

Especially you.

“Awe come on, Kacchan,” Izuku says with hands on his hips. “We came all this way! Just let us stay for a little bit.”

“Yeah!” Eijirou seems to cheer up once given a sliver of hope. “Plus, we got cake and stuff. And Just Dance.”

Katsuki narrows his eyes, but you know better—he’s always had a soft spot for the redhead. You all wait with baited breath, wondering if this entire evening was a bust, as Katsuki weighs his options in a pool of fallen groceries.

“One hour.”

Eijirou gasps so hard he chokes, and Katsuki’s generosity earns him applause from the audience. (Plus whoops and hollers from Denki and Mina.)

“And I mean it—y’all have sixty fuckin’ minutes before you’re gone without a goddamn trace. Kapeesh?”

“Kapeesh!”

Katsuki sighs, rubbing at his temples as he steps over the mess at the front door. You assume he’ll make Eijirou clean it up. “Whatever. Where’s the fuckin’ cake?”

Ah.

“In the kitchen, my good sir!” Denki says as he ushers the ash-blond into the said kitchen, the rest of the party hot on their heels. Eijirou grabs the cake from the fridge and you’re tense until the plate hits the marble of their island.

“Flavor?” Katsuki asks, raising an eyebrow.

“Uh, I dunno, [Y/N] made it,” Eijirou throws you under the bus, just like that, and you want to scoff at the way Katsuki freezes—if only for a moment. Eijirou’s oblivious as ever, “[Y/N]?”

“It’s red velvet,” you say, trying not to burn under Katsuki’s carmine eyes. You don’t know why he doesn’t look away.

“Frosting?”

“Buttercream.”

As if you’d give him anything else.

Eijirou tries his best to cram 26 candles into the cake before being forced to opt for 23 lest he ruin your decorations. Denki presses him to make a wish and Katsuki rolls his eyes as he blows out the candles. Eijirou wipes an invisible tear because ‘his boy is getting so old.’ Mina and Jiro cut the cake and people seem to enjoy it, and you think that maybe, reuniting with your high school friends after so long isn’t as bad as you thought it’d be.

Even if he said he never wanted to see you again.

“—due to the incoming blizzard, we highly suggest all those who reside in the red and orange zones stay inside until it passes; which should be around ten am tomorrow morning.”

You spoke too soon.

Katsuki turns to the crowd, and you know what he’s going to say before his lip curls.

“Out.”

“Kacchan, don’t be unreasonable!” Izuku says from his comfortable position on the couch. “We’d get caught in the storm if we leave now.”

“Not if you’re fuckin’ fast enough,” Katsuki growls, pulling the greenette’s to his feet by his hair. “Get out, I’m not bunking with you fuckers overnight.”

“Dude,” Denki points to the window, and if you hadn’t known any better, you would’ve thought the blizzard had already started. “If we leave now, we’ll literally die.”

“Die, then.”

Eijirou sighs, clapping his roommate on the back. “C’mon, man. You know we ca—“

There’s a whirr then a click, and the lights and tv die at once. You can’t see a thing but you definitely hear Katsuki shout:

“Motherfucker!”

Eijirou turns his phone flashlight on first; Katsuki’s busy angrily flicking at the light to no avail. You sigh, turning to the ash-blond (and ignoring those ugly fucking butterflies in your stomach.)

“It’s a blackout Katsuki. The lights aren’t going to work.”

“Don’t you think I fuckin’ know that, dumbass?” And your chest tightens because even though he’s not eighteen anymore, he sounds the same—but you aren’t sure why you expected him to sound so different either.

You lift an eyebrow (not that he can see it), “It doesn’t look like you do.”

Denki snorts at that, hollering about how you just owned the ash-blond as Katsuki yells at him to shut the fuck up. It’s...familiar and comfortable, like you’re all in high school again, before you had to worry about your friends dying in their line of work because you couldn’t be there with them.

Before you got injured.

“Well I mean, we have a few blankets,” Eijirou offers, and as your eyes slowly adjust to the dark, you’re convinced you see his figure cross the living room. “And like, sweatshirts if it gets too cold.”

“It’s already getting too cold,” Mina says, and you can’t help but agree. The quickly cooling room has the goosebumps raising on your shoulders, and you’re starting to regret forgetting your jacket at home.

“Okay! I don’t have that many, but,” Eijirou hollers from somewhere, before returning with a handful of cloth. He drops it onto the coffee table. “Plus Hanta and Denks left their hoodies here last time.”

“Oh shit, we did?” Hanta says, and you assume it’s his figure who starts digging through the clothes. “Totally thought I lost this, lol.”

“Did you just saw lol out loud?”

“I did.”

“Ooh Ei, do you still have that old Red Riot hoodie?” Mina asks, and all of a sudden, she’s all over the pile. She finds it before the redhead can answer and snatches it away with a gasp.

You watch the pile dissolve in the darkness, one by one, and by the time you reach for something, your palm hits the cool wood of the coffee table. Fuck.

“Oh [Y/N]! Do you need some of my blanket?” Mina offers, but the blanket is small, and wrapping it around both of your shoulders just renders it utterly useless. You shake your head after she tries for a while.

“It’s fine Mina, I’m not that cold,” you laugh, but she shakes her head vehemently.

“No! Girl c’mon, you look like you’re freezing!”

And, well. Freezing is a stretch. Sure, you’re a little cold, but you’ll live.

“Do you need my sweatshirt?” Eijirou asks, already pulling at the hem. You roll your eyes.

“I’m serious guys, it’s not that bad,” you say, waving your arms for emphasis. They all grumble but they give up, and you feel like you can finally relax.

Something soft and army green drops into your lap. You pick it up in confusion, before looking up to see who dropped it.

Katsuki looks down at you, face glowing white from the phone flashlights. His eyes pierce your soul nevertheless.

“I don’t ne—“

“Take it.”

Katsuki takes a seat next to you on the couch in his own hoodie. You don’t realize until you put it on that he gave you a sweatshirt themed after his own hero costume.

You can’t sleep.

You can’t sleep, and you’re sure it’s due to the temperature. The wind howls and it sounds like you’re in the eye of a tornado, loose branches knocking against the rattling glass, and upon looking through the window, you see nothing but stark white. You sigh, checking the time on your phone for the fiftieth time this hour. Yep. Still four am.

“Stop fuckin’ movin’, dumbass.”

You all decided to bunk in the living room for warmth. You’re surprised Katsuki stayed, though; you figured he would just head to his room and let you all fend for yourselves while he slept in a comfortable bed. But here he is, sleeping next to you on the cold fucking floor.

“Sorry,” you say, but it’s hard when your shivering and your jaw aches from stunting your chattering teeth. Katsuki and Eijirou only had a limited amount of sleeping bags, meaning you’ve got to share a blanket with the hulking ash-blond.

“You cold?” He grunts. You don’t know why he’s asking.

“No.”

Katsuki sighs, and you hear him adjust, the blanket sliding from your neck to your shoulder. “You’re a shit liar.”

You prop yourself up on your elbows to glare his way, and you look to notice Katsuki’s laying the same way.

“What’s your point?”

Katsuki doesn’t answer for a moment, but it doesn’t seem like he’s looking for an answer, either—his neon red eyes glow through the dark and straight into your soul, and the next time you shiver, it isn’t because of the temperature.

“You’re stubborn.”

You roll your eyes, scoffing, “Thought you figured that out senior year.”

Katsuki’s face flashes with an emotion you can’t quite pinpoint before it’s gone again. “Yeah. You’d think almost dying would fuckin’ fix that.”

You sigh. Looks like you’re having this conversation now, then.

“I didn’t almost die—“

“Yes, you fuckin’ did,” Katsuki snarls, and Denki almost stirs at his raised tone. “You took that bullet and you didn’t get up for months—“

“And then I woke up and everything was fine! Seriously Katsuki, what’s your problem? I lived.”

“My problem is that you shouldn’t have been there in the goddamn first place!” Katsuki says through grit teeth. You watch his temple roll underneath his hairline. “That was my fuckin’ fight. I don’t need some chick jumping in front of a bullet for me just ‘cause she thinks I can’t take it!”

You scoff, looking around to see if any of your other sleeping friends are listening because get a load of this guy. Naturally, they don’t respond.

“That’s what this is about? Oh, well I’m sorry I bruised your dignity because I didn’t want to see you get fucking shot!”

Katsuki chest inflates with disbelief before it deflates again, and he’s rolling his eyes before he says, “That’s not—you fuckin’ know that’s not what I meant.”

“Oh really?” You laugh, and goddammit Katsuki, you just had to bring it up, didn’t you? “Because waking up after two months to your best friend telling you to give up doesn’t preserve your dignity at all, huh?”

“I didn’t tell you to fu—“

“You said those exact words, Katsuki. You said give up, and you left the hospital.”

The ash-blond has nothing to say to that, because he knows that you know you’re right, and trying to jedi mind trick you into believing he isn’t an asshole won’t work.

“Well you fuckin’ listened,” he grumbles, more to himself than you, but enough emotion flares in your core to make you want to scream.

“I didn’t have a choice,” you say, huffing, before turning your back to him, deeming this conversation over. “Good night, Katsuki.”

There’s a lull and it has you convinced you’ve won, finally relaxing (as much as you can) onto the cold floor. At least arguing heated your blood up a bit.

“The fuck do you mean?”

You roll your eyes even though they’re closed before you hop back onto your forearms to give the ash-blond a nasty look. “What?”

“You...said you didn’t have a choice,” Katsuki says, and it’s the first time you think you’ve heard him sound weary. Unsure. “The fuck does that mean?”

“It means I had to give up on being a hero either way.”

Which sucked. Because you had spent the past four years of your life working your ass off to save others, and you wind up out of commission before you even got started. You...suppose you didn’t tell Katsuki the whole story. Well, you hadn’t had a chance to—today’s the first time speaking with him since you woke up in the hospital.

Katsuki eyes you out of his peripheral, but only for a second. “And that means...?”

“It means that if I land on my spine the wrong way, there’s a high chance I’ll be paralyzed from the waist down.” You growl, frustrated that it was easier to coax the truth out of you than you thought.

The bullet buried close to your spinal column. You had to do PT for months, relearning how to walk as you slowly regain your motor functions. That’s when you started to bake.

“Oh.”

The howling of the wind turns from somewhat soothing to aggravating as Katsuki’s unimpressive “oh” hangs heavy in the air, and you find yourself sighing, the puzzle pieces finally clicking in your head. “Stop it.”

“Stop what?” Katsuki asks—he’s still not looking at you.

“Blaming yourself,” you gesture to his figure, which is lax with depression, lacking its sturdiness and usual fire. “You didn’t shoot the gun.”

Katsuki snorts at that, running a hand through his hair, “I might as well.”

“Stop.”

“You got shot because of me,” Katsuki says as if it were a fact. “They were trying to kill me. Not you.”

“And they didn’t kill me. I’m here and you’re here. If I hadn’t been there, you’d be six feet under right now,” you reason. Katsuki shrugs because he’s just as stubborn as you are, and you figure he’s been carrying around this baggage for too many years.

“Does your back hurt often?”

“No,” you shake your head. “I mean sure, I get flare-ups sometimes, but it’s not too bad. Doesn’t really get in the way of baking as long as the table is high enough.”

Katsuki thinks for a moment, teeth worrying his bottom lip. “Is the table high enough? At your café.”

You shrug, failing to see where he’s going with this. “I have a platform thingy, so. It’s mostly for decorating cakes and things—“

“I’ll buy you a new one.”

“What?”

“I’ll buy you a new table,” Katsuki says, nodding to himself as if he was confirming the idea. “A higher one.”

It takes a second for his offer to process, but once it does, you’re fighting a smile. Still the same kid. “Kats, I don’t nee—“

“An—And if you need a new chair. I’ll pay for that shit too.”

You shake your head—mainly in disbelief, “I don’t need a chair, Katsuki.”

“Then what?” He asks, and it almost sounds desperate with the speed he rushed the sentence, “Y’need a car? That hunk of junk you drive could use some work.”

You ignore the jab, because your car works perfectly fine thank you very much, and snort at the suggestion of such an outrageous purchase.

“What? You tryna be my sugar daddy or something?” You joke. Katsuki gives you a look, and it's dead serious.

“D’ya need one?”

“I—no!” You laugh, and have to remind yourself to reel it in before you actually wake Denki up. “I’m fine financially I just—what’s gotten into you?”

“Nothin’.” Katsuki quickly grumbles, facing forwards again. “I just...”

You raise an eyebrow, “You just..?”

“I dunno. I dunno,” Katsuki shakes his head. You let him gather his thoughts in silence before he tries again. He doesn’t.

“Then fuck me.”

In your defense, your mouth moved before you thought it through.

Katsuki has an unreadable look on his face, but his voice is anything but steady when he says, “What?”

Fuck. Fuck.

“U-Uh, I mean,” you recoil. Stupid big mouth. “I—you—don’t worry about it.”

“You said you wanted to fuck me,” Katsuki deadpans. You choke.

“I—no, that’s not—“

“That’s exactly what you said.”

“No, I meant as in I’m pent up. Obviously,” you defend with a huff, crossing your arms on the pillow as you glare daggers his way. Katsuki matches your stare.

“Not as pent up as a Pro Hero,” he scoffs, lifting an eyebrow. You take it as a challenge.

You click your tongue in faux pity, “Awe, the number two hero Dynamight doesn’t get laid?”

“No fuckin’ time,” he grunts, though you don’t find much remorse in his voice.

“Well, you have time now,” you say, completely unsure of where this confidence is coming from. Either way, you’ll take it and run.

“I do,” Katsuki confirms, leaning in closer. He’s close enough that you can smell what’s leftover of his cologne, and see the hint of a grin that makes his upper cheek shine silver in the moonlight. You find yourself leaning in just as much as he does.

“Wanna blow off some steam?” You dare to question. Katsuki’s grin only grows wider.

“Thought you’d never ask.”

Katsuki’s kisses are surprisingly soft, you think, and so are his lips. But you don’t have much time to think about it as he pulls you in by the waist, quietly groaning into your mouth while he lays you down on your back.

“Always thought you were the prettiest fuckin’ thing,” he growls, trailing butterfly kisses down your neck. “‘M gonna make it up to you, yeah? Make you feel so fuckin’ good.”

A hand hikes his sweatshirt above your chest before Katsuki’s latching onto the skin under your collarbone and sucking, teeth digging into your skin hard enough to bruise.

“Y-Yeah, that’s fine,” you whimper, intoxicated by the way Katsuki’s lips flush pink as he pulls away, eyes locked on the fresh hickey on your chest. They flicker up to you; he grins.

“Good?”

“Mhm.”

Katsuki hums at that, licking his lips before diving back in. You hiss when he bites too hard, prompting him to bite harder, but he always soothes it over with his tongue, topping each bruise with a kiss. You flinch when his lips wrap around your nipple and he chuckles at your meek whimper; a hand removes its grip on the sweatshirt in favor of sliding it up your thigh.

“Fuckin’ perfect,” Katsuki says once he pulls away, enjoying the sight of you writhing in anticipation. “And it’s all for me, ain’t it?”

“Yeah, ‘m all yours just—“ you kick a leg in frustration at the thumb playing with the hem of your panties, “—do something already.”

Katsuki raises an eyebrow, “Do what?”

You frown, huffing, “You know what.”

Katsuki shrugs, adjusting so he’s caging you to the floor. Ghosting a thumb over your panties, he says, “‘Course I do. You gotta ask nicely first.”

You tighten your hands into fists. He would.

“I’m no—“

“Beg, Princess,” Katsuki growls, his stare unwavering. He presses an inquisitive finger to your clit through your panties either as a promise or a threat—which, you’re not quite sure.

You crumble.

“I—fine, just—finger me.”

Katsuki doesn’t move. Asshole.

“Please.”

The ash-blond grins, finally pushing your panties to the side.

“Good girl.”

When Katsuki slides his first finger in, it’s much too easy, and you blame it on the foreplay. You shudder, hands moving to brace themselves on his big shoulders, and the ash-blond muffles a moan as your nails dig into his shoulders.

“Another,” you moan, bucking your hips into his palm. Katsuki’s heated gaze flickers from your body to your face.

“Already?” He chuckles, the rasp in his throat giving his arousal away. You nod—he clicks his tongue.

“Fuckin’ dirty.”

Two fingers feel like so much more than just one, and they have your eyebrows folding in a poor attempt to muffle a whimper. Katsuki’s fingers still move tentatively but they’re getting comfortable, curling and searching for that place that’ll make you tremble. And then he finds it.

“F-Fuck,” your body jolts, and Katsuki’s shushing you against the pillows.

“Keep your mouth shut, Princess,” he purrs, head dipping down to nip at your neck. It adjusts the angle ever so slightly, but enough to make you hiss, and he chuckles. “Unless you wanna get caught.”

“Oh yeah, because that sounds fun right now,” you snort towards the ceiling. Katsuki pulls away with an unimpressed look as his thumb comes down over your clit.

“Can’t wait to fuck the brat outta ya. Maybe then you’ll actually shut up for once, huh?” Katsuki inserts a third finger without you asking him to, and you gasp, clawing at his back.

“Shh, shh, shh,” he laughs against your mouth lowly, as if the light kisses will do anything but make more noise, “Good God sweetheart, you’re really pent up, aren’t ya?”

“Shit—I doubt you’re much better,” you try, scoffing at what you can see of his painfully hard cock in his sweatpants. Katsuki looks down before sending a huff your way, with a cute little blush dusted on his cheeks.

“Shut the fuck up,” he grunts, pulling out his fingers. You whine at the loss. “How d’ya want me to fuck you?”

You need to take a step back from how crude the question is. Right, sex.

“Right um,” you look around, trying to find the least obvious position—and one that doesn’t make a shit ton of noise. Laying on your side, you tuck an arm under the pillow, before turning around to Katsuki to suggest, “Cuddle-fucking?”

“Cuddle-fucking.”

“Yep,” you say with finality, popping the p. Making big grabby hands his way, you say, “C’mere, big guy.”

Katsuki rolls his eyes but moves behind you anyways, warm arms easily finding themselves around your waist under the blanket. After a few adjustments and ensuring you're both fully covered, Katsuki’s hard cock presses against your entrance as he hooks his head over your chin with a huff.

“This is so not on fuckin’ brand.”

“I don’t think fucking in a living room with sleeping friends is on-brand for a pro hero or a baker,” you say casually. Katsuki breaks out into a snort, pressing his face deeper into your neck.

“God, I fuckin’ missed you, ya know that?” He chortles. Your chest blooms with something it hasn’t in years, and for the first time, you find that you don’t mind.

“Don’t be such a dick and maybe I’ll stick around this time,” you quip with a smile he can’t see. Though you feel his against the base of your neck.

“Noted.”

Katsuki’s last words hang in the air, unusually heavy, and your eyes catch the snow beating against the window with a less than angry howl. Katsuki’s chest shudders against your back but he doesn’t move, hands frozen at your waist.

“Hey, I thought you were gon—“

“I’m getting to it,” Katsuki snaps, and you gasp as he starts to push inside. “So fuckin’ impatient, goddamn.”

He pulls you down until he fills you completely, and you suppress the urge to shout at the speed he did it with. Katsuki moves a hand to slap over your mouth.

“Shut the fuck up.”

You reach around to pinch him in the side with a huff, he calls you a bitch. It’s a little hard to hear you behind his hand as you say, “Then don’t catch me off guard like that, asshole.”

Katsuki snaps his hips and does exactly what you tell him not to do—prompting another surprised whine out of you and a dark chuckle from the ash-blond. His cheek presses into your jaw as he finds leverage in hiking your lower half up until your puffy cunt is level with his cock, and fucking you until you drool all over the pillow.

“What a pretty fuckin’ thing,” Katsuki grunts, and you can tell he struggles to keep quiet in the way his chest sporadically shudders. You have to grip the pillow for some semblance of purchase and Katsuki chuckles at watching you struggle, before he’s hiking your leg up to fuck you that much deeper.

“I always—always knew you’d sound so good,” he pants, the grip around your mouth bordering on clammy. You want to tell him that if he keeps making so much noise he’ll wake up everyone in this fucking room, but there isn’t much time between moans to get more than a word in. “Fuck baby, keep tightening around me like that, and I might fuckin’ cum.”

You find it amusing how close he is so quickly, until two fingers land on your clit and start rubbing in slow, small circles. Your walls flutter around him and Katsuki digs his teeth into your neck with a curse, his grip around your raised thigh contracting as he tries to hold on for as long as he can.

And that’s when Denki starts to move.

First, he rolls to the left. Which would’ve been fine, seeing as it’s in the opposite direction until he bops Eijirou straight on the nose and promptly rouses the redhead from his slumber. Katsuki’s hips still.

“O-Ow, dick,” Eijirou curses under his breath, quickly scrambling to his forearms. It’s hard to tell through the darkness, mostly because you’re squinting your eyes to feign sleep, but it seems like Eijirou rubs under his nose, only to blink back at a bloody hand.

“...Shit.”

Katsuki’s hips shift, ever so slightly, but enough to nestle his cock deeper and force you to bite back a whine. And another. And then another.

You try your hardest to be discreet when you reach to pinch Katsuki in the side, and he breathes a laugh down your neck.

“What?” He whispers, though it's more than a rasp than anything else. Good to know you’re not the only one struggling to not cum, here.

“You know 'what,'” you quickly hiss. But Katsuki’s hips don’t stop as Eijirou weighs his options to cure his bloody nose in the dark. The fingers on your clit return their usual pressure and you inhale sharply, nails digging into Katsuki’s forearm as your orgasm begins creeping up on you.

Eijirou sniffles and gets up, stumbling through the darkness to turn down the hall that leads to the bedrooms. Katsuki sees that as fucking freedom and his hips really start to pick up so much speed that you struggle to breathe through it all.

“‘M gonna cum,” Katsuki whimpers into your neck, burying his face deeper in a poor attempt to stunt any sound. “Fuck, fuck ‘m gonna cum, you close baby?”

“Y-Yeah jus’ a little more,” you whimper, eyes rolling as Katsuki finds some inhumane energy in him to fuck faster. He nods at that and bites into your shoulder with a growl, “C’mon, fuckin’ cream all over my cock—atta girl, fuck, fuck—“

Katsuki fills you up the moment you clench around his cock with a sigh, the weight of your orgasm knocking you forehead-first into your pillow as you bite the urge to squeal. Katsuki doesn't growl as much as you expect, moans breathy and light as his hips finally stutter to a stop—but you suppose some things have to change over the years.

Katsuki collapses next to you in pure exhaustion and you’re sure that’s his cum leaking down your thigh, but for some reason, you don’t really mind.

“Hey you,” he speaks first, eyes blazing red in the darkness. You snort.

“Hey, you.”

Katsuki chuckles with a stupidly giddy smile on his face, "Y'know, you still fuck really well."

You drop your head on his chest to snort, and his hands find their rightful place around your waist.

"Better than high school?"

"Yeah..." Katsuki grumbles, before his eyes narrow. "Wait—hey, yo—"

"I haven't fucked anyone since," you snuff the fire before it even starts, and Katsuki relaxes, though his eyes stay slim. He pulls you closer and you sigh—it's comfortable.

"Good," he grunts. And then after a pregnant silence: "I haven't either."

That's...strangely reassuring.

Your arms wriggle until they fold over his shoulders to play with the small hairs on the back of his neck, and he hums, eyes fluttering shut with a final peck on the lips. As Katsuki's breathing evens and the white of the snow dyes the highest points of his face white, you smile. He looks older.

You think he's asleep until he nudges your waist.

"Be my girlfriend."

You don't even hesitate.

"Okay."

By the time Eijirou comes stumbling down the hall, both you and Katsuki are passed out—with his body encompassing yours in the most intimate way, face tucked into your hickey-ridden neck as your arms and legs lock around his being. The redhead gives you both a soft smile as he passes, snorting to himself.

“Took them long enough.”

HAPPY BIRTHDAY THOTSUKI

[silversatoru]

birthdays don’t have to suck

fushiguro megumi x f!reader (elli)

synopsis: you get really sick on your birthday, but megumi makes sure that you still have a good day :))

t/w: fluff, reader is sick, vomiting, medicine (tylenol lol), some details pertain specifically to elli

wc: 2.2k

a/n: a small birthday present for the love of my life @megumifushi who never sleeps enough and is always sick,, i love u and i hope ur days not too bad <3

you stared into your dimly lit laptop, red eyes squinting at the black text that sped across the screen as your fingers scrambled against the keys. you weren’t even sure that what you were writing was comprehensible at this point, but your essay that was due tomorrow morning wasn’t gonna write itself. at this point it just needed to get done, concerns of quality were thrown out the window hours ago.

aside from the burning and stinging in your eyes, your entire body ached, and you were ridden with chills and goosebumps. seemed like a fever was coming on, but you didn’t have the time or capacity to care about that right now. you’d pop a few tylenol and crawl into bed in a couple hours, and everything would be better tomorrow.

what time was it anyway? it couldn’t possibly be that late yet, right? 

you glanced to the corner of the screen, eyes falling on a bright 3:56am that made your heart sink and your eyes widen. you had a terrible habit of losing track of time and staying up into ungodly hours of the night — a habit that your wonderful boyfriend was trying so terribly hard to break. 

you glanced to your left and took in his sleeping form, his lips parted ever so slightly as he took small breaths of air. he’d be disappointed and upset with you if he knew how horrid your sleep schedule had been lately, and he’d probably blame your chills and headaches on your lack of sleep as well — which in all fairness was probably pretty accurate. 

“i’ll just finish this up real quick and then i promise i’ll sleep, ‘kay gumi?” you spoke softly, running your fingers through his soft, spiky hair. 

he was undisturbable, his mind off somewhere in a dreamland that was quite the distance from your small bedroom. and that was probably for the better, because him nagging at you to go to sleep would be too distracting for you to get your work done. 

your hands moved rapidly against the keyboard for about another hour, words spilling onto the screen until you finally hit the page requirement for your paper. it was probably terrible, most likely had a few words spelled wrong, and honestly you were pretty certain you’d repeated yourself several times, but fuck it — submit. you were typically an excellent student, so one bad paper wouldn’t kill you, and you were too tired and achy to care right now. 

you got up and placed your laptop onto your desk, plugging it in and letting a heavy sigh fall from your lips as you made your way back over to the bed. the soft blankets were therapeutically warm on your chilly skin as you crawled in against megumi’s back, effectively turning him into the little spoon and pressing your nose to the back of his neck. thankfully, sleep found you shortly after, your eyes fluttering shut as you drifted off into a much needed slumber. 

babe 

wake up 

babe

you woke up to small finger pokes to your cheek from megumi, his face laced with concern as your vision finally focused on his features. he bent over and pressed his lips to your forehead, pausing there for a fraction of a second and then standing back up. 

“i think you have a fever. i noticed when i woke up and you felt like a fucking space heater,” he frowned, confirming your initial suspicions from last night, “i’ll go get some medicine”.

you groggily nodded your head, shivers coursing through your body and dotting your extremities with goosebumps. your condition had definitely deteriorated overnight, your eyes stinging and a horrible nausea creeping up your throat. 

by the time he returned with the medicine you had yourself propped up against the pillows, thick blankets pulled up to your chin in an attempt to minimize the icy feeling in your body. he handed two small tylenol tablets to you with a disappointed look on his face — a look that said: i’m gonna kick your ass for not getting enough sleep again. 

“i’ll let everyone know you’re not feeling well enough to go out tonight,” he hummed as he handed you a glass of water, your brain filling with thick fog as you tried to decipher why he would need to let anyone know you were sick. 

the look of pure confusion signaled to him that you had no idea what he was talking about, megumi shaking his head before he spoke up again, “it’s your birthday, dumbass, we were supposed to get food and stuff with yuuji, inumaki, and nobara and maki”. 

birthday 

oh 

forgetting about that was another habit you continued to succumb to every year.

“mm, shit,” you sighed after drinking back the pills, “i forgot”. 

“figured you would,” megumi clicked his tongue, “but i didn’t, because i’m a good boyfriend. can you drag yourself out to the kitchen? you should eat”.

“don’t think so,” you mumbled, attempting to disappear back under the blankets before he could coerce you to follow him outside of the bedroom. 

but megumi is impossibly even more stubborn than you are, wrapping his arms under your body and lifting you to his chest, “guess i’ll just have to carry you then”. 

“fine,” you let out a long groan — was it a bit dramatic? maybe. but in your defense you felt like you’d been hit with a train.

he peppered your face with kisses as he carried you out of the bedroom, lovingly setting you down on one of the high bar stools around your kitchen table. he instructed you to stay in the chair, abruptly returning to the bedroom to bring out a couple blankets to wrap around your shoulders. you were grateful for the extra heat, you body still shaking and shivering as the medications worked to cure your fever. 

megumi was a man of few words, preferring to display his love for you through acts of service than grand confessions, and this was very eminent when he wordlessly grabbed a couple pots and began cooking for you. you let your face fall onto your arms, resting your chin as you watched him silently shuffle between the stove and the pantry. the silence was comfortable, and you weren't going to complain about watching your muscular boyfriend walk around the kitchen in nothing but a pair of loose, plaid pajama pants. 

a few minutes later he was placing a steaming bowl of soup and a couple slices of baked bread in front of you, a savory scent flooding your nostrils. 

“red lentil,” he spoke as he handed you a spoon, “it’s your favorite, so you better eat it”. 

“yes, sir,” you gave him a small smile, dipping the cool metal into the hot liquid and scooping a spoonful into your mouth. 

“all of it”

“yes, megumi, i will try”

to no surprise, the soup went down pretty fucking horribly, your head hanging low over the toilet while megumi held your hair out of the way. your throat was practically raw by the time you were done heaving and vomiting up the meal, your eyes brimming with hot tears. 

megumi tied your hair up in a neat bun so he could step away, filling up a glass with water and carefully helping you to take small sips and rinse out your mouth. he was tedious with the clean up, washing your face and helping you brush your teeth — ensuring that you felt the best you could given the situation. he then scooped you back into his arms, carrying you back to bed and profusely apologizing for making you eat the soup — but he was just trying to make you feel better, he really was doing his best.

you were ready to add today to your long list of terrible birthdays, chalking it up as another failed attempt, but megumi was not about to let that happen. he knew you had a rough history with birthdays, but now that he was here? you’d have a bad birthday over his dead body. 

he scoured the back of your fridge for ginger ale, gatorade, jello, and whatever else he could find to make you the perfect sick-person platter. and he made sure he was logged into every streaming service that the two of you collectively owned, preparing netflix, hulu, and crunchy roll so that he could easily access every single one of your favorite shows and movies. and so you spent the majority of your day tucked safely against megumi’s chest, forcing down small sips of ginger ale and watching an assortment of tv. 

your phone rang at some point — a facetime call from all of your friends who had gotten together so they could all wish you a collective happy birthday. megumi stuck a singular candle into a cup of blue-raspberry jello and ignited it with a small flame; and then they all sang the most terrible rendition of “happy birthday” that you’d ever heard, yuuji’s voice a little louder and little more out-of-tune than everyone else's.

you mustered enough energy to blow out the flame, everyone cheering while megumi shoveled a scoop of the blue jelly into your mouth. you swallowed it with a smile, praying it stayed down while everyone sent you off with an assortment of “feel better!”, “we love you!”, and “wish you were here!”

your night got pretty quiet after that, you and megumi climbing back under the covers to watch a few more episodes of your new favorite anime. it wasn’t until well into the night that he finally asked you if he could give you the presents he’d gotten for you. reluctantly, you said yes. you hated receiving gifts (it was just one of the many reasons you hated your birthday) but you knew that megumi wasn’t going to take no for answer. 

he was obviously nervous, palms sweaty as he handed you a couple neatly wrapped packages in plain, solid colored paper. they were very megumi, perfect folds with not a single crease, the paper simple yet elegant and adorned with a singular bow on top. 

you hesitantly peeled the paper off the smaller of the two, revealing a tiny box that contained a classic looking silver locket. you felt your heart pinch in your chest as you clicked the locket open and revealed two small pictures of each of the two of you. you weren’t particularly sentimental, but on top of your lack of sleep and not feeling very well, the simple gift caused few tears to well up in your eyes. but he was quick to wipe them away, insisting that you had to open the second gift first, and that birthdays weren’t meant for crying. 

you followed his instructions, ripping open the second package and revealing a larger box that contained a series of envelopes. each one was decorated with tiny doodles of you and megumi, his demon dogs, hearts, etc. they were sickeningly cute, and you immediately reached for the first one before megumi reached out and stopped you. 

“they’re not for now; they’re for when i’m gone, you know, on missions and stuff,” he could barely even maintain eye contact, his eyes dipping low as yours filled back up with tears. 

despite your lack of energy and the fever that was starting to return, you showered him in hugs and kisses after that, thanking him over and over for the most perfect gifts, and for making your day as wonderful as it could have been. 

all things aside, you were coming around to the idea that birthday’s don’t have to suck. 

bonus: the first letter: 

to y/n:

i know im not great at telling you what i have to say through words, actually, i’m kind of really bad at it. but i thought writing these might be a nice way to try and get better? i’m not sure. anyway, i guess i’ll start by saying that you mean a lot to me, and i probably miss you a lot right now (even though ill be too afraid to reach out and say it). not sure how long i’ll be gone for at the time but it’s probably a few days at least. gonna work hard so i can hurry back to see you. 

i hope you’re sleeping enough, but i know you’re not. you never do, especially when i’m not there to yell at you. i hope you’re eating enough too. but you’re probably also not doing that. you’re like taking care of a stubborn child, you know that? but this is supposed to be a love letter so i’ll try to refrain from scolding you too much. but do try to take care of yourself. ill see you soon. 

megumi

[evak-fic-rec-turtleanon]

Evak Fics - Coffee Shop

** Coffee shop comic ** Additional ice cream/cake fics ** Fics where there's no coffee shop but it involves coffee lol ** Coffee shop fics ** Bonus Nooreva fic

***** COMIC *****

KB au comic by @elli-skam 

P01,  P02,  P03,  P04,  P05,  P06 P07,  P08,  P09,  P10,  P11,  P12 extra art 

Instagram: elli_skam

***** ICE CREAM/CAKE ***** 

ice cream at 2am by hippopotamus (1.1k words) - isak goes to the shop for ice cream and ends up getting something else as well

Ice Cream Parlor by glbertblythes (1.5k words) - AU where Even works at an ice cream parlor as a summer job and Isak really likes the ice cream and he and Even play a game where Even tries to guess Isak's favorite flavor of ice cream but every time he gets it wrong, he gives Isak the ice cream for free.

You’ll never believe how ice cream helped this man to get a date by nofeartina (3.3k words) - 5 times Isak buys ice cream for Magnus and 1 time Even buys it for Isak.

blow out all the candles by shadesofcool (4.1k words) - It's Eskild's birthday, Even works at a cake shop and Isak doesn't know how to make tea.

***** INVOLVING COFFEE ***** 

Morning Person by dani (wormstash) (881 words) - Isak is not a morning person.

Right Now by YellowSpatula (1.1k words) - In another universe, they meet on the street and smell of coffee.

Morning Activities by glbertblythes (1.4k words) - Even wants his coffee - Isak is sorta in his way - but Isak makes an offer.

"Ah, Sorry, Sorry!" by bazsucks (1.5k words) - "So rude, because someone hasn’t gotten his grumpy boy coffee today." Even keeps speaking whenever Isak doesn’t. He loves that about him. He loves everything about him.

Med Student Syndrome by frenc (1.8k words) - In which slightly paranoid med student Isak tries not to diagnose his boyfriend with diseases he learned in the textbook. And Even fails to hide a coffee burn from him.

The Study Buddy by wordsarelifealways (2k words) - In this universe, Even meets Isak when he pours Red Bull into a black coffee at 7.15AM to cope with a morning class. Even's inner barista is horrified, but damn if the boy isn't cute.

***** COFFEE SHOP ***** 

Bees by spoopydumpling (562 words) - "Even come home" "Miss me?" "Hell no, there’s a BEE in our BEDROOM"

blood on the leaves by queerness (597 words) - In which Isak's hands are weapons, Even's nose bleeds too easy, and Green Tea Créme Fraps are present.

in every universe by queerness (632 words) - The first time your soulmate touches you, a handprint stays there for the rest of your life.

Feeling Weird, Feeling Happy by wesoftandfluffy (735 words) - A boy with blues eyes, blonde hair and a very nice smile makes Isak feel shy, weird and very very happy

Maybe I´m a little jealous by parttimehuman (743 words) - Just Isak not being jealous at all.

i think i recognise your face but i've never seen you before by monsterandmana (914 words) - Even works in a coffee shop. Isak is on the coffee run. It's Christmas.

sweet creature by Skamtrash (1k words) - Along the lines of "We’re both baristas and sometimes I have trouble reaching for things and I show up to work one day to find a personalized stool with hearts and my name on it i hATE YOU but also thanks"

remember what your old pal said by colazitron (1k words) - Mikael hangs out at KB during Even's shift. Not evak centric

seventeen days by hippopotamus (1.1k words) - Isak had come to know him, in his head, as coffee shop guy. Sometimes, when he was tired, and had no filter on the thoughts as they travelled from the back of his mind to the front - he would call him hot coffee shop guy. Sometimes even fucking beautiful.

Flat White and a Moment of Bravery by Bellakitse (1.1k words) - Isak is having a crap morning until he walks into his local cafe and sees his favorite barista.

I Like You A Latte by i_once_wrote_a_dream (1.2k words) - It’s not love. Not yet. But Even’s certain it will be.

Handsome Mystery Boy by waitineedaname (1.3k words) - Even thought working at a coffee shop would be the perfect way to meet his soulmate. They had to give him their name for the order, and his name was there for everyone to see on his nametag. It was a flawless plan. Or, it would be if the handsome boy in the snapback would actually give him his real name.

Good days start with coffee and you by starfishunicorntea (1.3k words) - Isak is tired, ill and cold but he has an exam he has to get to so he decides a cup of coffee can make his day more bearable.

Forget-me-not by FrkAnn (1.5k words) - Even is curious about the name Lea on Isak's parent's house door and Isak decides it's time to share.

I HEARD YOUR NAME by cromulent (1.6k words) - Break up fic. i thought i needed you, but then you left me and i realized i don't.

Woo Me With Your Words by obscurial (1.6k words) - It’s not very often that Isak finds the confidence within himself to approach a handsome guy in a café. (A coffee shop au in which Even is Isak's favourite author.)

I Think I'm Falling (I Think I'm Falling For You) by MacksDramaticShenanigans (1.7k words) - Isak isn’t sure if it’s this guy’s incredibly endearing face or the fact that he didn’t just order a fucking Pumpkin Spice Latte, but he suddenly really really wants to kiss him.

Defending My Honour by wordsarelifealways (1.7k words) - Isak's sure it's about a thousand degrees in Oslo, but it won't be as hot as the hellfire he's going to rain down upon the customer he sees yelling at Even.

I'm FALLing for you by Schedazzle (1.7k words) - It always crept up on Even, one moment everything was green and the next the whole world seemed yellow and cozy and just so nice. This feeling only grew when the little bell above the door went off and his favorite customer came in.

your hands next to mine by hippopotamus (1.8k words) - When he takes the drink, his fingers brush Even’s. He clears his throat and mumbles out a “oh, uh, sorry, thanks,” and escapes before Even can even process any of it.

The one where Even isn't a stalker... by Ye_Olde_Hedgehog (2k words) - There is a sad lack of coffee in this coffee shop au. Instead there is a bit of mutual pining and some very exasperated friends.

Ready For Those Flashing Lights by ultimatelawrence (2.1k words) - It was meant to be harmless: taking a sneak photo of a hot stranger to send to Eva. Expect it's not so harmless when the flash is on.

Lemon and Ginger: Coffee Shop AU by fictitious99 (2.1k words) - 4 times Even bought a pretentious herbal tea and one time he bought one for Isak.

Mitten found by Kollakolan (2.1k words) - It’s a mitten. And not just any mitten, this is clearly a hand made very personal mitten with a small flowery pattern knitted by some one who put a lot of love into the work. On top of the mitten “Emil” is embroidered. Shit.

Peppermint Mocha by Jules1398 (2.1k words) - Eva's new boyfriend comes in everyday and orders a peppermint mocha and, well, Isak is definitely NOT falling in love with him.

The Hot Muffin Thief by Bellakitse (2.2k words) - There is a magical muffin at the café where Isak's buddy Jonas works. It's Isak's lifeline, he has it every day and then one day some hot art hipster steals his muffin.

do you like or like, like me? by cosetties (2.2k words) - Isak is totally down for supporting Jonas through the whole liking boys thing, but it's a little hard when that boy is Even.

The Stars Align by VenezuelanWriter (2.4k words) - There's a bakery. Prince Isak and barista Even.

sickeningly sweet like honey by thekardemomme (2.4k words) - Even likes to write pickup lines on Isak's cup.

cups of coffee by slvtherxn (2.8k words) - Even has a giant crush on a boy he doesn’t know, and he’s waiting for the perfect movie-moment to finally meet him. The only problem is that life has a different plan.

A Look Across (a fraction of) the Multiverse by rhys_withoutaspoon (2.9k words) - a look across the multiverse. The coffee shop au is the second one.

I'm not the kind of fool who's gonna sit and sing to you about stars by Plantsandplanets (3k words) - Second year is rough. Isak buys expensive text books with the money his dad sends him and silently worries about Even paying for everything before Even soothes his concerns with soft words and softer touches. His eyes tell Isak to stop worrying, please. Isak nods because Even asked him to even if he didn’t say so.

A Spoon Full of Sugar by MacksDramaticShenanigans (3.3k words) - A spoon. Spoons. Spooning. God, a proper cuddle sounded absolutely heavenly right now. What Isak would give to crawl into bed, burrow into some cozy blankets, and curl into someone’s (Even’s) arms. They could just lay there, maybe Even would trace shapes into Isak’s back, or maybe he’d play with his hair— it didn't matter to Isak, either sounded lovely. It would be warm and comfortable and he’d finally be able to catch up on all the sleep he’d missed.

Five (5) times Isak and Even found each other, in different universes. by AnonymousPoet (3.3k words) - Parallel universe. The coffee shop one is the first one.

Cookies and Cream by GayaIsANerd (3.5k words) - Isak has a crush on the barista. He's too scared to do anything about it, but luckily there's a blizzard coming up.

Baby, You're a Knockout by wordsarelifealways (3.5k words) - Even has been crushing on the cute boy who comes into the university cafe for weeks, but he never expected a minor head injury to be how their relationship got started.

If You're Under Him [You Ain't Getting Over Him] - Part I by givemesumaurgravy (3.7k words) - First fic of a SERIES. Isak Valtersen is happy. He's finally starting his surgical rotation at the hospital where he hopes to work someday and he's happily married to his best friend. But then Isak meets Even, the intriguing new barista where he gets his daily coffee. And that's when shit really starts to hit the fan. Affair au

And I'll find myself in your eyes one day by Evak2121 (Marshmallows07) (3.8k words) - Isak and Even fall in love one day in the Sun

Five Stars by bri_ness (3.9k words) - Even works at a café and is infamous in Yelp reviews as a flirtatious, charming barista. But he’s never wanted to take anyone home—until he meets a man with thirty-eight expressions, an affinity for eye rolls, and a deep hatred of pumpkin spice.

I like my sugar with coffee and cream by imminentinertia (4k words) - 5 times Even buys a coffee +1 time Isak buys a shirt.

For next day will a stranger bring by lovelycarcass (4k words) - On Tuesdays, without fail, Isak's first customer orders a drink at the café, gives a name and leaves. He never uses the same name twice.

Coffee and Krylon by gayashecklmao (4.1k words) - Caught in a daydream filled with technicolor and floating spray paint cans, he doesn't hear the bell above the shops' door ring, indicating that someone has come in. Only when he hears Eva shout an unidentifiable order at him does he turn around. There before him, on the other side of the counter, is possibly one of the prettiest people he’s ever seen.

you keep robbing my heart like a bank by xhorans (4.2k words) - 'How are you, Even?' 'Better now my new favourite customer is here,' in which Isak has a crush on hot barista Even and it's nearly valentine's day

i can't get it right by noirophelia (4.3k words) - “You forgot your sketchbook,” Isak says a bit out of breath and he doesn’t even know why. He has a feeling it’s just what Even usually does to him. Leaving him breathless. “Thank you, Isak,” Then Even smiles and Isak is just. Gone. “You shouldn’t have left your work place for that. Could have just messaged me or something.”

My mind was somewhere else, I guess by rosecolored_girl (4.6k words) - How did Even end up working at Nissen cafeteria? Let's just put it this way: He graduated last year at Bakka, took a gap year to pursue his dreams of traveling the world, realized he didn't have any money to even buy a freaking plane ticket to start with, spent the entire summer feeling sorry for himself...and now, he got a job at high school. Serving people only two or three years younger than him. Great. kinda coffee shop au except it's a cafeteria

from my lips my sin is purged by slvtherxn (4.8k words) - After Even's last relationship with his coworker ended quite messily, his boss has forbidden him from dating any more of her employees. It takes him ten seconds alone with his new trainee before he decides to date him in secret.

he tasted like coffee and lemon drops. by glbertblythes (5.7k words) - Isak gets stood up at Kaffebrenneriet, Even brings him a hot chocolate, and they get to talking.

Don't worry, I've got you by everything_else (5.7k words) - Isak groaned. “Just because I’m new doesn’t mean you can give me the shit jobs” “I’m not. It’s either that or bleaching the toilet, you can choose if you want.” “Okay fine.” Even took another drink of his beer, and cast a teasing look at Isak. “I give you a week.”

(Baby) It's Cold Outside by himmelsky (6.1k words) - December is approaching, but Isak isn’t feeling the Christmas spirit. Barista guy, aka Even, wants it differently.

because your eyes said you were feeling it too by spoopydumpling (6.1k words) - Even and Isak meet when their friends send them on a blind date.

In Sickness and In Health by Flatfootmonster (6.2k words) - That one time he caught me looking through the window, I thought I had to do it then—or I never would. I was sick of being tongue tied—I still am. And so, when I’d finished my coffee, I wrote on the cup: ‘I like you’. That was it. I wasn’t even sure if he was going to read it, but I saw him watch me write it; peering over the counter in the curious way he does, like I’m doing something completely amusing that I’m also entirely unaware of. Then I picked up my things and scrambled for the door, almost sending someone’s drink flying over their laptop.

Large Americano, Extra Milk and Sugar by daigina (6.5k words) - It's almost Valentine's Day. Mikael has a new job. Even has a new crush and no courage. This makes for lots of pining Evens, frustrated Mikaels, and spilled coffee.

five times even watched from afar and one time he didn't have to by alotofphandoms (7k words) - Even sees Isak around so many times that he's sure it's destiny and he's determined to not let him get away. So he watches from afar before he doesn't have to anymore.

all I see is you by littlemovie (Lejla) (7.4k words) - “Aren’t you gonna ask me why I’m a bad person?” Isak somehow whined and demanded at the same time. Jonas blew out a breath in amusement, which made the dark curls on his forehead move with his breath. “I’m guessing it has something to do with that guy, Even, from the coffeeshop?” Isak nodded his head pathetically.

closer to free by Skamtrash (7.7k words) - Even works at a coffee shop that Isak always studies in and Even has been crushing on him from afar for way too long so Elias makes them happen

Make a spark, break the dark, find a light with me by LostInAdmiration (8k words) - Isak can't sleep, so spends his nights wandering around the street. Even works the night shift at the store around the corner, and they bond over their mutual insomnia.

Cuddle Monsters by sikily (8.2k words) - One spoke of true love and the other a critic, But Christmas would be the day to believe in magic, A wink of his eye and a tilt of his head, And Isak became a believer instead.

Crying Over Spilt Milk by MacksDramaticShenanigans (8.4k words) - The boys get their hands on Isak’s resume; Isak gets his hands on Even.

baby we've got new love by itjustkindahappened (9.5k words) - Isak is hella fucking gay and desperately single, and Eskild wants to change that. Even just has a thing about timing. Coffee shop AU with an ironic amount of tea enthusiasm and a whole lot of pining.  

Second helping's always better by diamondjacket (10k words) - A sequel. Coming into this last-minute coffee date, Even had honestly thought that once the sheen of the previous day had worn off, things would be different. That he could see Isak and keep a level head, that he wouldn’t be overcome with the urge to just...taste him everywhere. No such luck.

possibly (maybe) i’m falling for you by boxesofflowers, Eeyoreneedsahug, safficwriter (10k words) - Even tries to get Isak to smile with coffee. Every time he buys Isak coffee, he becomes more determined to find the perfect drink (and falls in love along the way).

The One Where Even Goes On a Blind Date by valtersheim (10k words) - Eskild forgets to find someone for Isak for their double blind date and he approaches the first attractive man he sees in Kaffebrenneriet.

Ground Me by Bellakitse (13k words) - In which despite his father helping with rent, Isak still needs money and therefore a job. Isak gets a job at a cafe and meets a barista who's beauty blows Isak away.

A Thin Line Between Hate and… Other Stuff by TheFilthWithin (Flatfootmonster) (14k words) - Isak is studying while working at a coffee shop. His life is Ok... ish. Filled with lies, mocchiato's, and hook ups, fate storms in and lends a hand in the shape of Mr Spielberg, AKA film director Even.

something in the language of trees by scarletbluebird (20k words) - This woman, Isak thinks, must really love her son. He keeps spinning the coffee cup for a good minute, mulling it over. He still feels weird about it, but it’s not like he’s signing a contract in blood or anything. And he’s already going to see Even at the party later in the week, so it could work. the one where Isak's job really is to Be Even's Friend

You're a different kind of new by LostInAdmiration (23k words) - Even has had a hopeless crush on Isak for months now, but has never been brave enough to talk to him. Luckily, Isak decides to make the first move by rescuing Even from unwanted attention at a party

take me as i am by argentae (24k words) - He isn’t crushing, and nevertheless this guy has become a Problem, because whenever he’s on shift he’s made it increasingly difficult for Isak to really spend his time productively. Sure, he could just find another place to study but he likes the access to coffee here even though he actually kind of hates the bitterness of it and he’s just not going to let himself get swept aside because of this guy.

don't you keep it all to yourself by colazitron (24k words) - Isak starts buying daily coffees before school at Kaffebrenneriet around the corner because it tastes better than the coffee in the cafeteria and keeps his hands warm. But mostly because the barista is heart-stoppingly cute. An AU in which Even didn't need to repeat his last year and instead started working at the coffeeshop Isak passes on his way to school every morning.

is it gravity, or are we falling in love? by mels (28k words) - Isak works at a coffee shop. There's two things he loves about the morning shift: 1, how beautiful the city is when it's sleeping and 2, avoiding the hot guy who he happens to have a crush on. Until one faithful day, he has no choice but to work with his crush.

Caught in the Middle by dvorahbee (30k words) - Even keeps seeing the cutest boy around campus and in his new favourite coffee shop. He'll slowly get to know Isak but he'll have to go on a journey of self-acceptance and love at the same time.

A Fucking Bet by Crazyheart (32k words) - Isak and Even are just friends. They make a bet and decide to fuck only five times and then go back to being friends again. Isak hopes that he might be able to fuck his crush out of his system, once and for all. Who knows what Even’s motives are.

Just your average ordinary everyday Superhero by vorfm95 (34k words) - Isak works for the governament fixing the chaos caused by the Yeti a young superhero who protects the streets of Oslo. It's just a superhero soulmate Au. (oof this fic tho)

Golden Boy by alotofphandoms (43k words) - Isak thinks his life is great until Even Bech Naesheim waltz in and starts taking him out on dates. (Mostly fluff and flirting but I live for angst so there's a little bit of that to keep it interesting)

Scrim by scritch (45k words) - Isak works as a lighting technician in a theatre. He's under strict instructions not to talk to the actors. This is all fine, until he meets Even.

such a beautiful mess by skambition (48k words) - Isak works at Kaffebrenneriet to save up some money for a trip with his friends. Normally, working there is chill. Until Isak starts to work together with Even, an arrogant hipster with horrible taste in music, that keeps using the phrase 'sex hair' and is not only judgemental and stupid, but also so hot that Isak sometimes can't breathe around him. Isak hates him. Until he doesn't.

What If? by MermaidsandMermen (SophiaSoames) (57k words) - What if Skam never happened? What if Even is just an awkward boy working in a coffee shop? What if Isak is just the loneliest boy in the world? What if Even is slightly obsessed with Isak? And what if Isak is spending every afternoon in a freaking coffee shop? Because he can OK? It’s not because he feels like at least he isn’t alone when he is there. Not that he actually talks to Even. Not that he thinks Even is the prettiest boy he has ever seen. It’s not like that. It’s not.

Lover Of My Impossible Soul by shoulderbone (lavenderforluck) (66k words) - Part 2 of Pointing at the Moon SERIES. Possible spoilers if you haven't read the first part: We don't often reveal ourselves, when we don't actually know what there is to reveal yet. Or, alternatively: Isak returns to Oslo, and most importantly, to Even.

with love, from anonymous by cosetties, iriswests (136k words) - Isak just wants to get his coffee in peace, Even has a crush, and there's a secret admirer on the loose.

***** BONUS NOOREVA 

untitled by princevaltersen (15k words) - Eva knew she had a crush on Noora and she couldn’t refuse it at all.

[beerecordings]

What if one of the boys got amnesia? -Bird anon

oh my gosh i’ve actually thought about amnesiac Marvin a lot lol i think i started a fic once about Jameson like getting into his dreams and trying to make him remember. but yes that’s a really interesting idea!! like imagine Jackie slams his head one night while he’s out on patrol and when he wakes up he’s just - no memory. nothing. doesn’t know his own name. and he’s standing in this abandoned warehouse wondering what the hell is going on, so concussed he can barely stand up straight, desperately trying to remember anything.

he’d probably get his phone out and call whoever he texted last, someone call JJ. they pick up but there’s nothing but silence on the other end and he just starts crying so hard JJ knows something is wrong and hurries off to find him and help. it would throw their family into complete disarray - Jackie is the leader, and in some ways the strongest of all of them, and now he just doesn’t remember?? any of them?? anything?? doesn’t even know who Anti is???? it’s stressful to Jackie. he knows they expect something from him, but doesn’t even remember the person they want him to be.

Marvin would be dangerous without his memory, freaked the hell out and seeing enemies on every side. someone must have done this to him, right? his emotions run wild and he’s forgotten how to control his magic - he’s screaming and casting without meaning to, and then a stranger in a red hood is grabbing him to pin him down, and a doctor in a mask shoves a needle into his neck, and then he’s drifting. it would take him days to come to trust them again and everyone, Marv included, would be distraught. he’s quite proud and he’d be so humiliated by having lost everything he used to know and having to rely on everyone around him to tell him everything. but he grows very fond of Chase and JJ very quickly, which helps.

Henrik I can imagine losing his memory to protect himself from trauma, and it just leaves him so fucking numb. maybe he’s even dissociated enough to lose track of what’s going on for a while before, but then one night he’s just out with Chase or something and gets triggered and his exhausted brain just goes “nope” and blocks everything out. Chase looks over and suddenly Henrik doesn’t know him anymore - he’s just sitting there staring at him, his face white, terrified but unable to even respond properly. Chase drags him home, trying to be very very gentle with him, reassuring him his memories will come back soon - they have to, don’t they? everything Henrik knows and loves can’t just be wiped away, right? - but  they just... don’t. he doesn’t know him.

Meanwhile Chase I think we just go missing for a few days and the others would be losing it with worry. did Anti kidnap him? or someone else, thinking he was Jack? or maybe he just couldn’t keep going anymore and he’s already gone? and then THANK GOD after days of patrolling for him Jackie finds him just wandering the streets, phone and wallet missing, beat to shit and exhausted and too terrified to go to the hospital. he bursts into tears as soon as he sees Jackie because he thinks he’s his twin and he lets him bring him home and wrap him up in a blanket and take care of him for a while. but Chase is just in hysterics and so low on dopamine he’s sleeping like fifteen hours a day. but Marvin’s got a good idea!! you know what’s most likely to make him remember in all the world? they call Stacy up and fifteen minutes later Chase is staring at these two little kids he doesn’t even recognize. And Izzy crawls up on his chest - he’s too exhausted to even sit up, but he reaches out to hold her steady - and she lies down to snuggle with him and whispers “I missed you, Daddy,” but he doesn’t even know who she is and he feels so much guilt he can’t even look at them and he locks himself in the bathroom for the rest of the day, throwing up and trying to find medicine to take too much of. he would not handle it well, but his brothers would all spoil him rotten, for what it’s worth.

Jamie, meanwhile, Jamie would switch between being absolutely ferocious and completely “please fucking protect me” terrified. he has spent his whole life being manipulated and he kind of wants to bite anyone who tries to touch him, but he can TELL that something is missing, that he should remember somebody, that there was somebody friendly and warm nearby and he wants them back but there is also someone dangerous and he knows it. so one day he threatens to melon-scoop Chase’s eyes off and goes sprinting off to hide with Marvin, but then the next day he’s sure Marvin’s going to kill him and he won’t let go of Jackie’s hand. I think he would respond really well to Jack himself - Jameson really likes his energy cause Jack isn’t as freaked out by this as the others (he’s walked all of them through waking up with no memory, he can do this too and he’s very calm even when Jameson’s angry) so maybe he goes to live with Jack for a while and the space really helps him. eventually Jackie starts taking him out to get in fights and it helps Jameson’s brain assign good guys and bad guys more easily, so he gets the chance to trust the others again.

Here, I found a snippet from that old wip about amnesiac Marvin! never going to finish it so you can check it out if you want

Blue dreams in halves and segments and slivers, looking at the sun through his fingers, scared to get burned.

He is magic more than mortal and he remembers it in his sleep, when joy surrounds him as an aurora the earth, and he sees the others before him, haloed in gold. He doesn't remember their names anymore, but still he knows them, knows their eyes, knows the joy in their faces. The word “family” is imprinted deep, deep on his heart, though it has been deeply scared over.

His master saw to that.

Still, in dreams in halves and segments and slivers, slivers, slivers of the man he used to be, he sees them.

There are four of them who are both familiar and unfamiliar, but only the three of them sit around him. Sometimes he cannot make out their faces, but there are flashes – the scarred smile of the head of the table, a hood drawn over his shadowed eyes, the worn, steady fingers of a man with icy blue eyes but warmth in the curve of his mouth, the dappling of freckles across the face and shoulders of the younger one, perhaps older than Silver, but not by much. He is the one who speaks, rapid and loud, a smile on his mouth most days, though sometimes the exhaustion that sits on his body is so heavy he seems to be an old man.

“One year older,” he says tonight. “Blow out the candles, dude!”

Blue blinks and adjusts in his seat, looking down to find a cake set in front of him, decorated with a single candle, flickering like a wave on its tiny wick.

He blows out the candles.

“What did you wish for?” asks the younger man.

“Oh,” says Blue. “I forgot to wish.”

Across from him, the other head of the table has slumped over onto the table. Tears run down onto the wood.

“I can't find him!” he cries. “I can't find him! Where has my brother gone?”

“Well, that was stupid,” laughs the younger man, still looking at Blue. He doesn't notice the weeping at his side. “Come on, you got to have some wish. It's your birthday – ”

He tries to say a name, but the word comes out distorted, as though it were spoken underwater, and Blue can't make it out.

Doctor blinks his cold blue eyes, adjusting his glasses and staring too intensely at Blue, who squirms under his gaze. He knows, somehow, that he's a healer, but there is very little else he remembers about him. Sometimes he catches a whiff of coffee off his clothes or looks over to see terror in his face or, at the sight of him, feels his chest flood with affection, but he does not know his name or what he means.

He just misses him.

You are not allowed to miss them, you are not allowed to think of them, look me in the eyes and listen, no one is looking for either of you!

“I hate these dreams,” he says, as the loud one continues to speak and the hooded one continues to cry and the doctor continues to look at him. “I always forget everything as soon as I wake up anyway.”

He gets to his feet and his vision flickers, revealing halves and segments and slivers: the flowers outside the house that he somehow knows are forget-me-nots, the bed upstairs that he somehow knows has constellation-patterned covers and sheets, a bracelet on the wrist of the boy in the hood that he somehow knows he gave him –

He isn't allowed to think about this. He isn't allowed to remember, no matter how much he wants to. He has to wake up. Steeling himself, he recognizes that the dream is a dream and he tries to wake himself up, distancing himself from the figures at the table around him as he always does, drifting back towards the darkness –

Silver grabs his shoulders. Blue screams.

Silver is the apparition that appears only at the very edges of awakeness, where the monster does not wander. Silver is always black and white, always clutching a clock in his hand, but the only thing Blue can ever see of his face are those two grey eyes, glowing with power, alive with determination.

Releasing his shoulders, Silver strikes three fingers against the palm of his other hand and touches his thumb and –

And Blue wakes up.

Panting.

Clutching at his heart with one hand.

At his hair, chopped short, with the other.

“Oh,” he whispers to himself, trying not to cry.

Banish the memories. Forget them. Stop trying to remember. There's no one looking for you anyway.

“Anti!” he calls, dragging himself to his feet. “I had another dream!”

His brother's voice drifts from the other room. “Of the strangers holding you captive?”

“Yes, please make it go away!”

The monster appears before him, mostly human today, though not quite. Its hands are wrong and it is losing a great deal of blood, enough that a mortal thing would be dead, or at least bothered.

“Don't worry,” says Anti, falling to its knees – knees, are those knees? Why are there so many joints? – beside him. “I'll make it all go away. Of course I will. I'll make sure the bad men never find you, little one.”

He kisses Blue gently on the mouth and drags him back under his spell, resisting the urge to murder the little nuisance before he gets out of hand.

No, he needs Marvin for a minute longer. Just a little while longer. Just a little while longer.

[bubble-tea-bunny]

wings of wax

[elliot alderson x reader]

author’s note: finally started watching s2 lol i’m so behind. haven’t written elliot in forever so this is just some characterization practice to get back into it. hope you enjoy

word count: 1,415

There’s so much life in your eyes.

It was jarring the first time Elliot had seen it. The world around you was bleak—it was an overcast morning in the middle of fall and rain was threatening to fall any moment. But your gaze was soft and your smile was like the fucking sun and being as close to you as he had been he felt like he was burning. And he found he liked that. He wanted to move closer, reach out with a shaky hand and run shaky fingers over the expanse of your skin, burning the pads of his fingers all the while but he wouldn’t have cared. Self-destruction is his specialty.

You don’t leave his mind, running circles along the edges of his brain over and over until he has a headache. He spends hours on his computer, retinas burning from the glare as he learns all about you and no matter how much his mind is crying out for sleep, he doesn’t move. Picture after picture of that damned smile is flashing across the screen and in every single one, it reaches your eyes and he wonders how anyone can be that genuinely happy. He doesn’t really understand it but maybe he doesn’t have to. All he knows is that being around you gets him as close to happy as he thinks he’ll ever get.

The first time you’re at his apartment, he asks if you like horror movies and you tell him you’re not a fan, but you’ll watch one if he really wants to. He gives you what he thinks is a smile, albeit a small one (hell, maybe he just imagined he’d smiled—that wouldn’t be surprising), and explains there’s this movie he and his sister used to always watch. Your grin widens when you hear this. You love hearing about his life, find yourself enamored with even the small details, because he doesn’t share anything from it very often.

“Let’s watch it then,” you say resolutely. “I’ll do my best not to get scared.” You laugh quietly and Elliot’s pretty sure he does smile this time. He grabs his laptop to pull up the film while you occupy yourself with petting Flipper where she’s laying down next to you. While you were on the sofa earlier, Flipper had lifted herself up on her back paws, front paws landing on the edge of the couch, beginning to be let up. You’d asked if she was allowed and Elliot said she was even though she really isn’t but he felt like he’d be disappointing you if he told you the truth. Now Flipper is practically glued to your thigh as you sit and you’re trying hard not to move so as not to cause her any discomfort while she naps.

Despite what you’d said, you do get scared. The Careful Massacre of the Bourgeoisie is probably the third horror movie you’ve seen in your whole life, and you’re rather jumpy when it comes to horror anything. At first, when you get scared, you hide behind your eyes, peaking between the cracks of your fingers, brows furrowed in uncertainty of what will happen next. Elliot finds himself watching you more than the movie. The movie he’s seen a million times. You’re a different story, and he wants to memorize everything.

When the scenes with their visuals and sounds get more gruesome as the film continues, you hide your face in Elliot’s chest and he’s caught off guard by the contact but he doesn’t push you away. He can smell your peach shampoo from this close and your hair looks so soft and his fingers twitch because he wants to run them through the smooth locks but his body is lead and he stays still instead.

You apologize during the end credits and he brushes it off, but you don’t look so convinced at first. For a few seconds you’re silent as you study him, wanting to be sure you hadn’t crossed any boundaries because you know how he is and you want to respect that. He doesn’t meet your eyes right away, but when he does, he musters up as much reassurance as he can. He hates seeing you so worried. When you’re finally convinced that he is fine, the smile is back on your face and you joke that you probably missed about half the movie from shielding your eyes so frequently. The corner of Elliot’s lips tilt up in a small smile because you’re something different and he can see Flipper looking up at you, adoration in her eyes, and he thinks to himself he might as well be looking in a mirror because he looks at you the same way.

———

Your birthday is spent at his apartment, a place you now practically consider a second home. Elliot had bought a small cake at the market on the corner and stuck some candles in it—there hadn’t been enough space for the number of candles that corresponded to your age, and the market didn’t sell any of the number candles. He asked you why you didn’t go out with your other friends and you told him you’d rather spend it with him and Flipper. He feels warmth bubbling in his chest when you say that.  

Before you blow out the candles, you close your eyes. And afterwards, when thin trails of smoke rise from the blackened wicks, he speaks up.

“What’d you wish for?”

You grin playfully. “I couldn’t tell you that, or else it wouldn’t come true.”

He smiles and supposes you’re right. Then the two of you take forks and dive right into the cake, no knife or extra plates needed.

———

Neither of you can recall the plot of tonight’s movie. You’d chosen it randomly, but it doesn’t matter since neither of you is paying much attention anyway. Elliot could tell you were tired from a long day at work, as you aren’t as talkative. That’s okay. He’s good at keeping quiet.

Apparently not good enough, because before he can stop himself he looks away from the laptop screen and over to you, next to him with your legs crossed and eyes half-lidded, desperately fighting off sleep and only barely successful. And he says you’re special, really special, the most special of all. You smile softly, turning to him and telling him you think you know of someone even more special than that. He doesn’t want to admit to himself what he’s seeing in your eyes even though he knows he isn’t imagining it, and he’s burning all over again. The ghost of Helios rests on the curve of your lips and he’s Icarus as he cautiously reaches up, runs his fingertips along your cheek. And he’s falling, he’s falling fast, not away from the sun but into it. Your lips meet and his wings of wax are melting and yet he still doesn’t feel close enough. He doesn’t know if he ever will.

Later, you’re laying in bed, resting your head on his chest, drawing patterns with your finger on his skin. He’s staring up at the ceiling, eyes only leaving it when you start talking.

“I wished I could live forever.”

The statement sounds random and one might wonder what you were referring to, but Elliot understands instantly, even if that event had happened months ago. He glances down at you, but you don’t move to meet his eyes.

“Why?”

You shrug as best you can in your position. “I wanted enough time to love everything.”

Elliot smiles but you don’t see it. Sometimes it doesn’t feel like you’re real. Sometimes it feels like you’ve stepped straight out of a book because novels are written about your gentle smile and caring mind and about the way he feels when he looks at you. Had he wished for you? Had there been some moment years and years ago when he’d tossed a penny into a fountain, wishing for something good to come and find him?

Maybe he had, and maybe he’d said it in a cynical fit, he wouldn’t doubt that, but the stars are always listening and he recognizes their work when he sees it, so that’s why he holds you closer, holds you tighter. He closes his eyes as you lay your hand over his heart, feeling the way it beats thunderously in the confines of his ribcage. He’s been set aflame, and he can feel his soul being saved.

[onsumocom]

114 Best Happy Birthday Funny Quotes, Messages & Greetings in 2020

Happy Birthday Funny – I believe sincere people around you can make you a better person or can polish your personality. We can judge ourselves on our birthdays that what we have gained in the last year, from which point we started walking and have come to which position.

In the end, I would suggest grabbing the rope of God so that we can grow our personality and relation with God faster before our life comes to an end.

Best Happy Birthday Memes – Share with people around you

Funny Birthday Wishes For Girlfriend

no amount of words can ever be enough to express my feelings for you. happy birthday to the love of my life. wish you all the happiness in this world.

your smile can outshine a thousand candles. your touch can melt even the coldest heart. i love you today & every day.

your smile is sweeter than the sweetest cake in the world. thanks for being into my life. happy birthday to my sweet girlfriend.

i don’t believe in birthdays because i know you came straight from heaven to make my life happier & beautiful. all the good wishes for my angel.

i can’t wait to hold you in my arms & tell you how much this special day of yours means to me. happy birthday, dear.

you can make as many wishes as you want today. i promise you, i’ll make all your wishes come true one by one.

you are the perfect creation of god & the best gift any man has received in life. today is your birthday & i want to make sure it’s a special one.

you were born sweet & born for me to make my life a piece of heaven. i love you for everything you are. happy birthday.

i don’t know what good i did to deserve you but i do know that you deserve all the happiness in this world. happy birthday to my sweetheart.

i could buy you a thousand flowers but they would still be too petty to express what i feel for you.

i will always be there by your side loving you unconditionally and protecting you fiercely.

just as you blow the candles on your birthday cake, remember that there’s one flame endlessly burning in my heart, for you.

you have so many people wishing you on your birthday, but none of them holds the crazy-love for you that i have. love you to the moon and back.

your love is the spark of my life, the thrill of my fantasy; your touch starts the fire in me. be mine forever.

what do you get when you mix hotness and beauty and combine them both with a sexy personality.

i searched online and went to all the shops, old and new. but i could not find anything that was as pretty as you.

happy birthday to my love, my best friend, my agony aunt, my complaint hotline, my emergency contact, and my soul mate.

i am in fear because it’s your birthday! is it mandatory to bring a birthday gift for you? lol! i am just joking, happy birthday to you dear! i wish it will be your coolest birthday.

hey birthday girl, it’s your birthday! so, it’s your duty to make a treat for me, as i am wishing all the best things for you. let’s hurry for the treat.

you know how much i worried about your birthday cake! the chocolate cake is huge in size and it can make you fattier.

it’s your birthday! so, make sure you are going to properly utilize the day with a lot of monkey business! let’s have a crazy party.

your birthday is making you sexier with every passing year.

have i told you that you become more kissable on certain days of the year? today is one of them.

i don’t want anything from you, except for you to want me.

Happy Birthday Funny Quotes

Birthdays are good for you. Statistics show that people who have the most live the longest! (But it has also been scientifically proven that too many will kill you.)

Don’t let ageing get you down… it’s too hard to get back up again!

Middle age… when “happy hour” is a nap!

If gray hair is a sign of wisdom, then you’re a genius!

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Best Happy Birthday Quotes – For Everyone

What goes up but never comes down? Your age.

The tragedy of getting old: So many candles… so little cake

Technically you’re not 50. You’re only $49.95, plus tax!

They say you lose your mind as you grow older… what they don’t tell you is that you won’t miss it much!

Age doesn’t make you forgetful: having too many stupid things to remember makes you forgetful!

Growing old is mandatory; growing up is optional. ~ Chili Davis

Age is strictly a case of mind over matter. If you don’t mind, it doesn’t matter. ~ Jack Benny

Youth is a gift of nature but age is a work of art. ~ Stanislaw Lec

Age is not important unless you’re a cheese. ~ Helen Hayes

I’ve reached an age where my train of thought often leaves the station without me.

Careful not to blow off that birthday candle too hard or your wig might come along with it too. Happy birthday! Stay Awesome!

A year closer to that hard earned pension. Congratulations! Wonderful Bday!

May you be as rich as Tony Stark, as handsome as Steve Rogers, as sexy as Thor, as sharp as Clint Barton and as green as the Hulk! Best Bday Superhero! Hope I won’t have to compare you to Nick Fury soon!

30 candles won’t fit the cake I bought for you. So I just got you 2. Happy 2nd birthday!

Growing up is a trap! Stay Play Station loving. Don’t stop building that Lego castle. But don’t forget to go to the office, buy groceries, pick your kids up after school and be home by dinner, Okay? Reality check. Welcome to the grown up life. Best bday!

I hope you do 100 other rotations around the Sun!

Being related to me is really the only gift you need. Just saying”

Forecast for your birthday: Alcohol, low standards, and poor decisions”

Happy Birthday Funny Wishes

Happy 29th birthday from your 110 lb. Friend.

Cheers to a hppy birthday

Happy baaaaaaa……Thday!

This card is late because… I forgot I’m very lazy I was helping batman fight crime

Let us never know what old age is. Let us know the happiness time brings, not count the years. – Ausonius

Total babe happy birthday

Party on wayne party on darth

I know you had lots of birthday wishes yesterday, but who is thinking of you today? Me, that’s who happy belated birthday

There were a lot of famous people born on your birthday. Too bad you aren’t one. May you grow wiser this year happy birthday!!!

Happy birthday to my favorite brother…Okay, so you’re my only brother, but if I had others you’d still be my favorite.

I bought you an awesome bottle of wine for your birthday! It tasted wonderful. I thought about you the entire time, though.

Every day you sparkle but today you rule! Happy birthday

Yay! Birthday time

Happy Birthday Messages – Simple and Unique [For Everyone]

I love you like I love cake at a birthday party. Don’t forget to invite me. Happy birthday.

Happy birthday. As you grow up, make sure you have more dreams than memories, more opportunities than chances, and more friends than acquaintances.

Happy birthday! A friend is someone who understands your past, believes in your future, and accepts you just the way you are – even if you are getting older. Thank you for being that friend, and happy birthday.

Happy birthday to a very special cougar.

But, I wanted a mouse.

Happy birthday… You little spoonful of sugar

Heres your fucking cake you little shit

Friends come and friends go, but sisters never seem to leave. This was supposed to come out sounding nice. Happy birthday

Happy birthday to an old friend I’ve had since we were both young and stupid.

Happy birthday I hope that you have the greatest birthday ever from the moment you open your eyes in the morning until they close late at night.

One birthday will not make you old. Even a dozen will not make you old. Maybe you should have stopped counting there though. Happy birthday, again.

Happy Birthday Wife Funny

You are the nutella to my toast and the ice cream to my apple pie. Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife.

Happy Birthday. I love you more than I love bacon… and that’s a heck of a lot.

Happy Birthday to the only woman I would ever want as my co-pilot

A wrinkled old hag you are not. Hair growing from your nostrils and ears you have not. Smelling of mothballs and musk you do not. Growing old is most becoming to you, my dear. May you have a birthday full of merriment & good cheer surrounded by your family and friends. Happy Birthday, my incredible wife.

Happy 5th Anniversary of your 29th Birthday, Sweetheart!

Happy Birthday, my lovely wife! Today is the one day out of the year where I thank God for my mother-in-law.

Happy Birthday to my household CEO. You are one-in-a-million and I am so thankful you are my wife.

Congratulations, my darling wife. You are now considered a classic!

Sweetheart, according to the credit card statements you really love that trendy vintage clothing store downtown. I thought I could save money by finding you something vintage from another place you frequent often. After I dusted off some cobwebs and washed it a couple times to get the smell of mothballs off–I think this sweater from the back of your closet looks pretty good! Happy Birthday, my beautiful trendsetting wife!

Happy Birthday, my beautiful wife. If we had been on the Titanic and only had 1 door between us, I would have made room for you and never let you go.

Happy Birthday, my wife! Today we celebrate and you are not allowed to lift a finger. Dinner, laundry and cleaning will be taken care of… put your feet up and enjoy your day!

Happy Birthday to the one that still makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach do somersaults when she enters a room. I am so proud and blessed to be able to call you my wife!

“What’s in a name? That which we call a wife by any other name would smell like bundt cake.” I may not be Shakespeare and I might not look like Magic Mike but I am your husband and that suits me just right. I love you! Happy Birthday, my sweet!

You are so lucky to have me as your husband…but not as lucky as I am to have you as my beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent wife! Happy Birthday, my love!

Happy Birthday Wishes – Simple and Unique [For Everyone]

Happy Birthday Wife Funny Quotes

You are the best boss a husband could ever want! Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! Do I have any vacation or sick days left? I love you!

Happy Birthday to you! You don’t look a day over…26…22..er…19..?? I love you and your eternal youth! You grow more beautiful with each passing year.

Happy Birthday to my hot & sexy wife!!! Love, Your very own Mr. Grey

I would volunteer as Tribute for you, my darling. May the odds forever be in your favor.

I wake up every morning and thank the good Lord for Him bringing you into my life. Jerry Maguire said it best ‘you complete me’. Happy Birthday, my beautiful wife. I love you always and forever.

Beautiful wife, you are. Happy Birthday, it is. This light sabre, I gift you. Love, Your Jedi.

Roses are red. Violets are blue. I think my wife is awesome and pretty great in bed too! Happy Birthday, beautiful!

Wife, for your birthday I have decided to give you something you have been wanting and pleading for years for. I hereby swear to no longer take my iPhone into the bathroom. See, my love for you knows no bounds!

Happy Birthday, my beautiful wife! How about tonight we go eat at that Chinese vegan restaurant you love, have a Downton Abbey marathon and then after that stroll down to that little coffee shop for the poetry reading—-said no man EVER!!

There are only 2 absolutes in this world: Chuck Norris is the biggest badass in Hollywood and my love for you is infinite.

I felt like I opened a Wonka bar and found my golden ticket when I met you. Happy Birthday to my beautiful wife. I look forward to the many wonderful, scrumdiddlyumptious years ahead.

If Doc Brown pulled up alongside me in his time machine and asked where & when I wanted to go… the day we 1st met so I could fall in love with you all over again (& then I’d probably ask to go back to the Wild West—who wouldn’t want to rob a bank with Wild Bill Hickok?!). Happy Birthday, wife.

Happy Birthday, my love! …and just so you know, I knew it was your birthday even before I saw it on Facebook.

I wrote on your Facebook wall to make it official. Happy Birthday, my beautiful wife.

You are another year older, wiser, and even more beautiful… I love everything about you and hope you have the best year yet. I love being able to call you my wife!!

Happy Birthday to the wife who has the best husband in the world! You are one marvelous woman!!

Happy birthday, dear wife! Will you have the goodness to take it easy on aging?

I’ve been around for a while to know that the more birthdays you celebrate, the more wrinkles God blesses you with. Happy birthday, honey!

Honey, as I pay my last respect to your youth, I have just realized that preventing you from aging will be a tough nut to crack! Happy birthday, though.

Happy birthday, my darling wife. Today is a testament that you are an expert at aging.

My dear, you keep piling up them years and you’ll soon start giving folks like Keith Richards and Methuselah a run for their money.

Happy birthday to my wrinkled yet gorgeously beautiful wife! Too many birthdays may have murdered your youth and wrinkled your skin, but I love you even more.

Honey, now you are really as old as your ancestors! More power to you!

Dear wife, you are more precious to me than all the gold reserves piled up in the United States Bullion Depository.

Happy Birthday to the one that still makes my heart skip a beat and my stomach do somersaults when she enters a room. I am so proud and blessed to be able to call you my wife!

Happy Birthday, my beautiful wife. If we had been on the Titanic and only had 1 door between us, I would have made room for you and never let you go.

Happy Birthday, my wife! Today we celebrate and you are not allowed to lift a finger. Dinner, laundry and cleaning will be taken care of…put your feet up and enjoy your day!

“What’s in a name? That which we call a wife by any other name would smell like bundt cake.” I may not be Shakespeare and I might not look like Magic Mike but I am your husband and that suits me just right. I love you! Happy Birthday, my sweet!

You are so lucky to have me as your husband…but not as lucky as I am to have you as my beautiful, thoughtful, intelligent wife! Happy Birthday, my love!

You are the best boss a husband could ever want! Happy Birthday, Sweetheart! Do I have any vacation or sick days left? I love you!

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