#GirlOnAJourney JourneyWithMo BrownGirlsWhoBlog PurposeLedPassionFilled

[journeywithmo]

Moving with Intent!

So, you know how you want to do something so bad and you like so scared, don’t know where to start, don’t know how to go about it, just don’t know shit? Well if you haven’t, I’ll be the one to tell you that I know all these things all too well. They are the things that have kept me stagnant in life. Let me tell ya’ll I am a dreamer and a hopeless romantic all in one okay? So that keeps my mind going, keeps me on a thousand. But when I get some elaborate idea, I start to think like girl you really getting above yourself! To the point of putting that whole idea to the back of my head. Even with this blog I told yall all my reservations and my fears. But I also had reservations about school. I put that thing off for so long. I doubted myself and my level of intelligence. I didn’t really have a passion for anything that involved school, so I said forget it altogether BUT today honey I put all those things to the side! I let every reservation go but before I get into the now, I’ll give you a little background on my story.

I attended Cody High School and for those who don’t know. It really ain’t the best of schools, you had a lot of gang rivalry going on and it was just plain ole hood!  Before that school and even up to my 10th grade year. I was smart and on my shit okay?! Then I got caught up in trying to be popular, trying to be seen or even going as far as being accepted in one way or another. I would skip class all day long. Stay in the gym or in another one of my teacher’s class trying to be in the know of things. I neglected all my other classes and when I would go, I would be so far behind that it wouldn’t make sense for me to go anymore. I would promise myself every semester that I would do better, but I still fell victim to my surroundings.  So being smart or being on my shit with school was no longer a priority of mine and really nobody close to me. I went thru a major transition from 10th grade to 11th grade. My mother and my stepfather separated. My brother moved away to Chicago with his godparents. My youngest brother and sister moved with their father. My mom didn’t have a job or nowhere to go so we moved in with my auntie whom already had a thousand people staying at her house. With my mom having no job and an absent father who was in jail and minimum support it became harder and harder for me to make it to school. In result of that I moved out from with my mother in the 11th grade to move in with my Godmother. Here I am in a whole new environment but still had the same thing going on and the reality of things was I really didn’t have anybody riding my back checking to see how I was doing what were my grades like. I had nobody holding me accountable for graduating so with that I fucked off the whole senior year to the point of having to graduate out of summer school. How embarrassing is that? And you know what I think that set the tone for me not feeling like I was good enough to go to college or be too much of anything successful. It was always taught to you to go to school, go to college and then become successful but who’s there to hold your hand show you the ropes and guide you. Yea, I know for some people they can just do things with little to no motivation. But for me during that time I needed that push that I needed that person to hold me accountable.

 So, for years after that I would get jobs that didn’t mean nothing to me even the one, I have now is like “what the hell am I doing?”  I was satisfied with making $10 an hour because I thought that was all I was worth. I remember when I thought I wanted to be a nurse but with me going to school for PCT I quickly found out that it was not for yours truly! After all of that I didn’t dream anymore I didn’t believe in me I just went with the flow of life grateful for whatever looked like a gleam of hope. Now that is a 20-year-old Mo maybe and it wasn’t until maybe two months ago at the valuable age of 28 that I decided what I really wanted to do with my life which was become a social worker. I’m drawn to kids especially girls! I have a tender place in my heart for girls that have been neglected in one way or another, girls who just don’t seem to have a fair shot at life, girls who just don’t know any better and don’t have anybody to look up to. I want to be somebody that comes in their life and makes a difference in one way or another. I just want to be the hope that I didn’t necessarily have.  I got the revelation for my career path and to go back to school while I was at work, so I ran home and applied to school. I was so anxious that I was prepared to start school the summer semester. God had a different timing for me though.  Now today here I am a student at Oakland County Community College. It may not mean much to some folks, but to me, it means everything to me!  It wasn’t long ago when I didn’t have a vision for myself, when I couldn’t dream, when I was satisfied with working at Chrysler because what more could I be?

Those thoughts are no longer mine. Today I took my life back! I literally had to talk to my feet and say” we have to move; we can’t stay in this place no more God has called us to something bigger and something better. It’s okay for us to be scared, its okay for us to not know and it’s perfectly normal for us to be doubtful but what we can’t be any longer is STILL!  This time and this season doesn’t call for that. This season for me is about doing all the things God has been gave me the go ahead for. I tell you I was watching an episode of Sunday’s best and Kelly Price told a contestant “ God been said yes he was just waiting on you” that very statement that I’ve heard many of times before in my life meant so much more to me in that moment. That was my motivation and drive to get to moving. So slowly I’m saying goodbye to procrastination. I’m starting to look fear in the eyes and tell him who I am. I’m starting to take back my mind and my thoughts. Let me tell you it’s a whole process but when I start walking in the fruits of God labor the prize is so rewarding to know that God is pleased with what I’m doing and is saying” well done my daughter it’s about time I’ve been waiting on you” brings me tear ( literally as I’m typing) of excitement joy and just pure bliss! So, my girl, my sister, my bestfriend don’t stop dreaming don’t stop believing don’t give up on yourself. It’s okay to not know right now. It’s okay to be fearful and doubtful but it’s not okay to stay still. Just Move! Don’t matter where just move and he’ll start to make everything make sense he’ll start to direct your path and give order to your walk. Believe in you like I do. My prayer is after you read this everything will start to make sense to you. You will begin to walk in purpose with passion. You will begin to see things and yourself thru different eyes. You will begin to be who you are intended to be! It’s never too late to believe in yourself and start over. It’s never to late to start dreaming again. Count yourself in because you already have enough people counting you out!

 As always sister I’ll leave you with this scripture

Proverbs 16:9 In their hearts humans plan their course, but the Lord establishes their steps.

Remember sister I believe in you!! I love you and most of all I support you!

[journeywithmo]

Obedience

For me I’m a little bit of a private person. I don’t like a lot of people in my business. I tell what I want to tell to who I want to know it. For one I don’t like being judged so my business is mine. Secondly, I don’t want anybody feeling like they have one up. Thirdly, I don’t want anybody using my words against me or have any ammunition to hurt me. But with saying yes to God I must become open; I must put my reservations to the side. So here I am letting yall in on my life. Being as open and forthcoming with yall that I can be. I knew it would get to a point where we would get deep and I would have to tell some of my secrets, but I didn’t think it would be this soon. Shoot we just met each other a week ago. I was thinking we would take baby steps first, but the thing about God is everything is on his time. The only thing we can do is prepare ourselves for that time and most importantly Obey his word when the time does come. Look at me, ready and willing to share my story with ya’ll so that you can obey when he calls and not be like me and learn the hard way. Now before we get into me telling my story I want yall to know the meaning of obedience.  

 Obedience- Compliance with an order; request, or law or SUBMISSION to another’s authority.

 So now you have a clear understanding of what that word means let’s get into me telling yall all my business. So, we all know that this blogging thang was given to me by God. I also told yall that before he gave me this vision, he gave me another one. We’ll call that one SCS for now. He gave me this idea mid-February. I began doing my research on it for the next week or so just ready to dive into this thing God had called me to do. Slowly but surely, I started to get distracted. I started hanging more, partying my life away and drinking like a fish! In result the idea altogether got neglected.  One day at work I started drinking with one of my homeboys, which was nothing out of the ordinary. One pint turned into two pints and two pints turned into a fifth. After the second pint I knew I was drunk, but I couldn’t stop I wasn’t done “having fun” right. So, on lunch I went to the store and got a fifth of Hennessy.  I went back to work and drank the bottle with my homeboys in what I’m told less than 10 minutes. You’d think I had enough right? Wrong! We got off work early on this day and went over to the bar across the street and drank some more.  Fast forward to a couple hours later, because I was blacked out and couldn’t remember anything. I’m standing outside of my car talking to a police officer and doing a sobriety test, which I failed miserably. After failing that I was put in the back of a police car and taken to jail where I had to sleep it off for 8 hours. Now while all of this is happening to me. Both of my sisters are calling my phone, which is dead, now they are at house waiting for me to walk in at any moment but of course I never make it. Six o’clock in the morning rolls around and my brother comes to my house to drop off my niece before he goes to work and there is still no sign of me. At this point everybody is worried, concerned and just scared because imagine not hearing from you loved one for 12 plus hours.  Not knowing if they are okay, not knowing where to look, not knowing if they are dead or alive. Just the feeling of being helpless.  I believe I was released from jail at 10:00am and that’s when I finally called my sisters to come get me. Some would ask the question “Why didn’t you call anybody?” I was pilt okay. Talking about through. I blew a .19 which in legal terms is super drunk. After being released from jail I had to go get my car out of the impound. My brand-new car that I prayed for and worked hard to get out of an impound. I get my car and I barely recognize it, the  front bumper is hanging off on one side and completely missing on the other side. My trunk was smashed in and the inside of my car was full of throw up. I literally broke down right then and there. I was filled with embarrassment, hurt, disappointment and shame. I was like how the heck did I get here how did I do this? Remember I told you I was blacked out so I couldn’t remember much? Well after going to court and reading the police report.  I was driving and a car saw me weaving in and out of traffic hitting different things. The car followed me from Bloomfield to Novi never leaving me until I decided to pull into an empty CVS parking lot and sleep. She then called the police on me and that’s how they found me. Now just to let you all know. I work in Warren, MI I live in Southfield, MI and on a normal day that ride is about 15-20 minutes.  Bloomfield and Novi are about another 15-20 minutes away from my home. Therefore, I was drunk driving for about a good 30-40 minutes before realizing I couldn’t do it anymore. I was sentenced to a year of probation, I must randomly do drug and alcohol testing once a week, I have an intermission interlock on my car. For those who don’t know that’s the device in which you have to blow into before starting your car so it can detect if any alcohol is present. I must complete 6 weeks of substance abuse counseling (which I finished), go to 20 AA meetings, do 25 hours of community service and some weekend program, in which I can’t remember the name of. I cried when I got sentenced, I was embarrassed and just feeling like why me? People do it all the time I see It on Instagram every day! So why me?  It wasn’t until the other day that it dawned on me why. God gave me a vision, he told me to do something and I disregarded everything that he said and started doing my own thing, so he had to get me in alignment one way or another. The words “obedience is better than sacrifice” played in my head and it all made sense. When God tells you to do something you have to do it there’s no other way around it. You can either do it his way or your way, but it has to be done. Had he not sat me down I would not have been doing this, I would have not started school, I would not be getting baptized tomorrow. I feel like in this last quarter of the year God is having his way he is doing everything he wants to do. Rather you like it or not it’s going to be done. Take it from me sister it’s so much better if you go ahead and do it his way.  In this month the word Gratitude is the only thing I can use to describe how I feel. I’m grateful that God shook me up just enough and still spared my life. I’m grateful that even when I threw in the towel, he never stopped fighting, I’m grateful that his will over my life is greater than any force in this world. I’m grateful that he loves me enough to discipline me, I’m grateful that when I gave up on myself, he still believed in me, I’m grateful that he handcrafted me in my mother’s belly and handpicked me to carry out his works. I’m grateful that he is who he says he is and that he never switched up on me.  

 Luke 11:28 But he said, Yea rather, Blessed are they that hear the word of God, and keep it.  

Now that I have been walking in obedience and according to the word of the Lord my life is at peace, I’m lighter, free, and less fearful. Sister do what God has called you to do because if he called you, he has equipped you. No matter what distractions come your way stay focus on the promise stay focus on the vision. If he called, you to it he can get you through it. Stay obedient, stay inspired and stay focus.

 I believe in you; I support you and I love you!