#Greater South Park Multiversal Area

[dawnbutterfly]

Reality

This one I wrote around the same time as the Adoption Timeline fics. Even though I wrote it before them, the Adoption fics were the ones that Keeper ultimately convinced me to post, which is why I didn’t post this one at the time, because it would make it kind of weird. 

With that context out of the way, enjoy my hurt/comfort NK x Butters ship fic that takes place intermittently in the episode “Safe Space”.

“And that's why we called you down here. Eric said you're so focused, you'd probably have no problem getting through it.” PC Principal said. Grant said nothing, as usual, but a smirk crept onto his face, and he held back a snort. “Something funny? I could easily give you detention instead.” PC Principal said. Grant covered his mouth, but more snickering snorts escaped, and he broke out laughing. He hopped off his chair, walking towards the door without looking back. “Oh, I'll see you in detention for the next three weeks, mister!” PC Principal shouted. Grant waved goodbye without looking back, and shut the door behind him. ⁂ Grant ran through the hallway, worried. He could hear Butters' shouting from three classrooms down, something about a man coming to get him. He was half ready to pull out a weapon to defend him with. As he ran past one of the Kindergarten classrooms, which were for some odd reason located on the second floor, he caught a glimpse of Kyle and Stan. He skidded to a halt, just in time to see Butters. He was naked, his eyes wild, his hair a mess. And the instant he came into Grant's view, he turned around, and jumped right through the window. Grant stood, paralyzed with horror, as his eyes slowly widened to match his feeling. A rising scream escaped his throat, startling the kids in the classroom, as he ripped himself from his stasis and took off towards the stairs at a dangerous, stumbling pace. “New Kid!” Kyle called out, following behind him at a safer stride. “Oh god! Oh god! Please no!” Grant screamed as he nearly tumbled down the flight of stairs, grasping onto any handhold he could find so he could fling himself around turns without slowing. He burst out the front doors of the school, running over to Butters' side. “Butters!? Butters, are you conscious!? Tell me you're conscious! Oh god, please tell me you're not…!” Grant yelled, horror and nearly belligerent worry coating his voice. He clutched at his head, trying to organize his extremely disheveled thoughts. His eyes snapped open and he whipped out his phone, dialing 911, just as Kyle and company came running out the door after him. “911, what is your emergency?” The operator asked. “South Park Elementary! My best friend just jumped out of the second story window!” Grant half-shouted, nearly hysterical. “He's bleeding badly from his head, and he's got glass embedded in his body!” “H-He's unconscious right now! I-I-I can't tell how bad his other injuries might be, I don't want to move him in case his neck is broken…!” He continued, forcing himself into an analytical state to keep from going into shock. “Please! Send somebody to help him! Please save him!” “EMT's are on their way, stay on the line please, young man.” The operator said routinely, yet softly. “How old is the injured person?” She asked. “Ten… We're classmates…” Grant said. “You're right not to move him. If there's an adult there, have them help, but otherwise just make sure nobody else moves him until the ambulance arrives.” The operator instructed. “R-Right…” Grant said shakily, nearly hyperventilating from stress. “Young man… your friend is going to be okay. Take a deep breath.” The operator said, shifting gears. Grant did as instructed, and took several deep breaths, trying to compose himself. “You've done very well in this situation, even better than some adults I've talked to. I'm sure your friend will be fine.” She said again. “I-I hope so…” Grant said, still shaken. “I-If he… I-I don't know what I'd…” “I'm sorry to ask, but do you know why he jumped?” The operator asked. “It will help us treat him later on in the hospital.” Grant almost choked out a sob at the word 'hospital'. “I-I don't know the details. I heard him shouting something about a man coming to get him, and by the time I found him, he jumped.” He said. “He's… he's naked right now. I think he might have been hallucinating…” He finished quietly. “He was, dude.” Kyle said from behind him, making him jump and turn around. “PC Principal had him running like thirty people's social media accounts, and filtering out their negative comments. He's been at it non-stop for like a week now.” Kyle continued. Grant's eyes narrowed, and he clenched his fist so hard the color drained out of it. “Him…” He growled through clenched teeth. “He put Butters on that…?” “I'm sorry, young man?” The operator asked. Grant snapped out of his fury. There would be time for that later. “Sorry. My friend just told me that he suffered a work-stress related mental breakdown.” Grant said clinically. “Thank you, young man.” The operator said. Grant heard the sirens as the ambulance drew close. “The ambulance is here…” He said into the phone. “Very good. Please, get a safe distance away and let the paramedics do their job.” The operator said. “Right…” Grant said, standing up as the ambulance parked right in front of the school and a couple of people got out with their equipment. “Thank you…” He said quietly, hanging up the phone. The ambulance soon took Butters away, heading towards Hell's Pass Hospital, and Grant was left with his other friends, sitting on the steps of the school. Grant had started shaking, the adrenaline having worn off, leaving him in a nearly shell-shocked state. “Hey, dude… are you alright?” Kyle asked cautiously. “Do I look alright!?” Grant asked harshly. “My Butters just threw himself out a window!” Stan raised an eyebrow, almost smirking. “'My Butters'?” He asked in an amused tone. Grant blushed at realizing what he'd said. “'My best friend'! Shut up!” He said, embarrassed. “Dude, you almost threw yourself, screaming, down a flight of stairs for him.” Kyle said. “It's pretty obvious.” “Yeah, and it's not like there's anything wrong with it…” Kenny mumbled through his parka. Grant sighed, burying his face in his hands, more from stress and exhaustion than from embarrassment. “Ugh, not the right time, guys…” He said through his hands. “I just… he's my best friend… the first friend I made when I moved here…” “I-I should have been more aware of what was happening with him. I should have stopped this from-” He started, but was interrupted by Kyle pulling his shoulder to face him. “You are not responsible for this!” He said sternly. “This is on PC Principal, and all of the people who couldn't handle negative twitter comments on their own. Not you.” Grant took a deep breath, shuddering. Kyle's eyes softened. “But, if you really want to be more involved, and make sure you know when something like this happens, there is a way.” Kyle said. Grant looked up to him. “How?” He asked. Kyle just kept looking at him, and let Grant realize on his own. This time, Grant did bury his face in his hands from embarrassment. ⁂ Grant sat by Butters' side in his hospital room. They'd managed to stabilize him, but he was in pretty bad shape. Still, he'd managed to convince them to let him in. It was so easy for him to persuade people… Suddenly, the door to the room opened. Grant looked up to see a group of people all pile into the room. Among them, he saw PC Principal. His eyes filled with fury as he stood up. “You!” He almost shouted, then instantly covered his mouth with his hand, looking over at Butters. He turned back to the group. “What are you doing here!? Come to try to finish the job!?” He hissed. “New Kid…” PC Principal said, agitated, but much more subdued than usual. “What are you doing here, you're supposed to be in detention.” “Oh, I'm sorry, I couldn't make it on account of my friend taking a swan-dive out the second story window.” Grant growled. PC Principal looked at the ground. “And who are you all? The gaggle of weak-willed cry-babies who drove him to this?” He asked. The group all looked like they wanted to cry. “Hey! There is no need for that!” PC Principal said, still trying to keep himself reigned in. “You're right. This whole thing happened because you made him look through so much of that kind of negativity.” Grant said coldly. “Hey, he didn't have to do it! He could have taken the detention like you!” PC Principal said. “In every city I've ever lived in, that's been known as 'extortion', and comes with up to a $10,000 fine and 15 years in jail.” Grant said, shutting PC Principal up. “But hey, I've got good news: I'll take the job!” Grant said with sarcastic enthusiasm. “If you wanted me to do it so badly, you could have just said so! You didn't have to try to kill my cru-” Grant caught himself, stopping. Several of the group bit their lips, all of their eyes shifting to extreme regret and pity as they took the meaning of his halted words. “You didn't have to try to kill my best friend.” “I-I'm sorry…” Demi said. “We just… we couldn't handle it all anymore…” “So you put all of it on a fourth grader!?” Grant shot back. Demi opened her mouth, but closed it again, looking at the floor. “What's the point of even being on social media if you can't handle the social part!?” “We just… wanted a safe space…” Seagal said. “There's no such thing as a 'safe space'!” Grant said, making the group look at him strangely. “The world is a cruel place, and somebody has to deal with it. For everyone who wants to be coddled and shielded from it, somebody else has to be that shield, and suffer in their stead.” “How is it fair that you get to sit there in an echo-chamber, listening to nothing but hollow reinforcement, while somebody else suffers for you!?” He asked. Nobody could answer. “You sound just like Reality…” Vin Diesel said. “I've been through reality!” Grant said. “Do you have any idea how many times I've had to move? To just uproot from my life, from all of my friends, and run away because of…” He stopped, the group looking on, wondering what a 9 year old would need to flee from. Grant sighed, slumping back down into his chair. “Why do you adults get to be weak, while children like me and Butters have to be strong…” He asked absently, not looking at the group. “Get out. Just… just get out…” He mumbled. The group looked at each other uncomfortably, but all slowly made their way out. Grant looked over at Butters, still unconscious. He began to cry. ⁂ Butters slowly opened his eyes. His whole body hurt, and he saw that there was some kind of mask over his nose and mouth. He couldn't remember what happened. “Oh, dude! He's awake!” A voice came from beside him. He turned his head slightly to see Kyle, Stan, and Kenny in the room with him. It hurt to do so. “Oh… hey fellas…” He managed to say, his voice raspy. “How do you feel, dude?” Kyle asked. “Like I fell off a building…” Butters said. “Well… I mean, you kind of did.” Stan said. “W…What…?” Butters asked, eyes widening a little. Even that hurt. “You don't remember?” Kyle asked. “You went totally nuts and jumped out a second story window.” Kenny said. “I-I don't remember…” Butters said, worried. “It's alright dude. The stress just got to you is all.” Kyle said. “The doctors said that you're going to be fine.” “That's good… thanks for making sure I got to the hospital, fellas…” Butters said. “Actually… that was the New Kid.” Stan said. Butters' eyes widened again. “R-Really?” He asked. “Yeah, dude. He's the one who called the ambulance, and he stayed with you practically every second since you got here.” Kyle said. “W-Well where is he now?” Butters asked. Stan and Kyle looked at each other uncomfortably. “He wanted to be here when you woke up, but…” Kyle trailed off. “He said he couldn't stand seeing you like this anymore.” Stan finished. “Looks like twenty hours of watching his best friend unconscious in a hospital bed was too much, even for him…” “Wow, he must really care about his friends…” Butters said with a tiny laugh. “I think…  I think it's more you specifically.” Kyle said. “What do you mean?” Butters asked. Stan and Kyle exchanged glances again. “Look, New Kid didn't want us telling you anything, but…” Stan said. Butters looked at them, confused… ⁂ Grant paced back and forth slowly in front of the door to Butters room. Kyle had told him that Butters had finally woken up, and he rushed over to the hospital. But once there, he became anxious about entering. He'd walked out on Butters, only for him to wake up not an hour after he left. He knew the others had told him as much. Not only that, but he was afraid to see Butters awake and in pain. He stopped pacing, taking a deep breath. He held it, and opened the door. Butters looked up, smiling weakly when he saw Grant's face. “W-Well hey there, friend…” He said, his voice still a little scratchy. Grant walked over, stopping at the edge of Butters' bed. “How do you feel? Are you in any pain?” He asked uneasily. “A little. But they have me on a lot of pain medicine, so it's alright.” Butters said weakly. “That's good…” Grant said, placing his hand on the bed next to Butters absently. Suddenly, Butters weakly took Grant's hand, making him look up in shock. A slight blush crept onto his face. “Something on your mind?” Butters asked with a small laugh. “N-No…” Grant said, looking away. “You sure?” Butters asked again. “The way you're acting is a little… curious.” Grant turned back, raising an eyebrow. “Curious?” He asked. Butters just stared at him, as Grant's eyes slowly shifted from inquisitiveness to dull annoyance. “How much did they tell you?” He asked. Butters chuckled weakly. “Enough…” Grant sighed. “I might kick those guys' asses later…” He mumbled. “Did you really throw yourself down the stairs for me?” Butters asked. Grant grinned, blushing. “More or less.” He said. He sat down, not letting go of Butters' hand. He leaned back, blowing out his tension. “So, you're really…” Butters started. “'Bi-curious'? No curiosity about it.” Grant said, closing his eyes. “I usually try not to get too attached, in case the government finds me again and I have to move…” He grinned again, looking over at Butters. “But I couldn't help it. You're just too cute⹈” This time, Butters was the one to blush. “I've got crushes on a few other people in town, but with you…” He said, trailing off. “You're always so nice to me, no matter what. True, genuine kindness.” He said. “You're probably the kindest, closest friend I've ever had…” “When I saw you throw yourself out that window, my heart damn near stopped.” He said. “I thought I'd lost you… oh god, if I'd lost you…” Butters squeezed his hand lightly, causing him to look over. “I'm alright, alright?” He said with a small smile. Grant nodded, then sighed, turning to face forward again. “I know you probably don't feel the same way. Even if you did, you have a girlfriend, even if she's all the way in Canada…” He turned back to Butters with a smile. “I'm just glad you're alright…” He said. Butters closed his eyes. “You're right, I can't say I have those kinds of feelings towards you. I wouldn't want to cheat on Charlotte either…” He said. He opened his eyes, smiling. “But I still think you're pretty great. And I'm still your best friend, right?” Grant nodded. “Of course you are, and I wouldn't want an unrequited crush to come between that.” He said with a smile. “Why I didn't tell you before…” He mumbled. His face went serious. “But, since you're my best friend, you have to tell me when things like this are happening to you.” He said sternly. “I know you, so I know you don't want to burden others, but you can't carry the weight of the world on your shoulders alone…” Butters squeezed his hand again. “Alright, I promise…” He said. Grant smiled softly, satisfied. “Good…” He said. His face brightened. “Now, I think you could use some rest.” He said, finally letting go of Butters' hand. Butters nodded weakly. Grant himself then yawned, to the amused smile of Butters. “Sounds like you've been up too long too…” Butters said. Grant grinned sheepishly. “I'll be back tomorrow, if that's alright.” He said. Butters smiled. “That'd be nice. Hospitals are less boring with a friend.” ⁂

Now just as a post-fic disclaimer, I do not personally agree with Grant on the topic of safe spaces. But, to be fair, his crush did just jump off a building because of those people, and how they achieved their “safe space” was all wrong anyway. :p

[dawnbutterfly]

At Fault

I can’t believe I forgot about this one when I was posting the rest.

This one is an alternate scene from Fractured but Whole itself, where I indulge in my enormous love for self-sacrifice and unrelenting pain. XD It takes place during the genetics lab sequence, in an alternate universe where my New Kid just can’t take it anymore.

“Oh, the tour tram is offline! Somebody is gonna have to get to the CPU and hit the override switch!” Dr. Mephesto explained. “Where's the CPU?” Kyle asked. “Down on the third level… Ah, it was silly to put it there, wasn't it?” Mephesto answered, realizing his folly. “So somebody has to walk down to the third level and flip the switch?” Stan asked. “One two three NOT IT!” A chorus of “not it”'s rang out from everyone in attendance. All except for the New Kid. “Sorry, New Kid, but it really should be you anyway.” Kyle said. “Yea, if you think about it, this is all kind of your fault.” Stan added on. The New Kid stared at the group for several moments, before tears came to their eyes. Everyone's expressions changed to ones of shock and worry. “W-Whoa, hey, what?” Stan said. “Y-You're right… this is all my fault…” The New Kid said, sniffling. “I-It's my parents who got kidnapped. I never should have dragged you all into my problems…” “W-Whoa! Hey, that's not how we meant it!” Kyle said, backpedaling. “Yeah, we rib each other when we're scared, that's… that's how we deal with it!” Stan added hurriedly. The New Kid seemed to ignore their words, pulling out their phone and flipping through for a moment. Suddenly, Wendy, Kenny, and Butters all got a notification on their own phones. They checked them, and saw that they'd been removed as combat buddies from the New Kid's party. “Wait a minute…” Wendy said, looking around as the New Kid turned to walk towards the door. Nobody else's phone buzzed or beeped. Nobody else got a notification that they'd been added to the New Kid's party. “You're not going out there alone! That's suicide!” Wendy shouted. The New Kid didn't stop. “S-She's right! Come on, if you die out there, then we're all gonna die too! You don't wanna be selfish, right!?” Craig pleaded, his usual monotone giving way to an amount of fear. The New Kid kept walking, reaching the door. “Don't you fucking dare!” Kenny finally spoke up in his stern, superhero voice. The New Kid flinched, finally stopping in their tracks. “Didn't I tell you before that you remind me of my sister!?” Kenny said. “I told you then that I have an instinct to protect you, and that statement stands. So there's no way in hell I'm letting you walk out that door without at least one of us to back you up!” The New Kid was silent for several moments, not turning around. “Of all the people in this room, you're the only one I would ever let follow me on this mission…” They finally said. They turned around, sadness in their eyes. “At least you I couldn't lose…” They continued, Kenny raising an eyebrow. “But I won't put you through that… because dying fucking hurts, doesn't it?” The New Kid finished. Kenny's eyes widened in realization The New Kid turned back to the door. “Maybe I'll find that out first hand, huh?” They said, opening the door and running through. “Don't you fucking dare!” Kenny screamed, rushing towards the door as it slid shut behind the New Kid. When he reached it, however, it failed to open. He tried to pry it, but it wouldn't budge. “Damn it! He must have barred it from the other side somehow!” Kenny said, pounding on the door. “You open this door right now, you selfish son of a bitch!” ⁂ Battered, bruised, bloodied… the New Kid dragged themself into the next room, to see a familiar face strapped to a table. “Sport? Is that you? It IS! Cupcake, it's me, Daddy!” Chris said. The New Kid approached their father. “They're trying to get DNA from your mother and I! You have to get me out of here. That computer is waiting for a DNA sample from your mother. Quick! She's in the next room. Go get mommy's DNA sample and bring it here! Hurry!” Chris explained. The New Kid got a pit in their stomach, turning and limping over to the room where their mother lay. Their mother looked up at them, pain on her face, her body badly injured. “Sixth Graders… came out of nowhere… My legs are broken sweetie. Mommy can't walk. You have to go into town and get help.” Kelly said. “Sweetheart listen to me. They were about to cut off your father's head to scan his DNA. I'm sorry sweetheart but you have to finish the job. The only way out of here is to kill Daddy.” “I HEARD THAT! What the hell is wrong with you?” Chris shouted from the other room. “Can I have a conversation with our child without being criticized!?” Kelly shouted back. “Oh YOU'RE the victim again, huh!? Like you don't deconstruct EVERYTHING I say.” Chris shouted back. “Ok, Mr. never-wrong-in-his-life.” Kelly called back. “Go do it, sweetie. Go cut off Daddy's head. Hurry.” Tears came to the New Kid's eyes once again at the fighting. Kelly's expression softened. “I-I know it's a lot to ask, but…” “Mommy, Daddy… please, stop fighting…” The New Kid sobbed, quickly breaking down. “I-I'm so sorry you got kidnapped because of me… please don't hate each other…” Tears formed in the corners of Kelly's eyes as well. “Oh god, sweetie… w-we never meant to…” She started. “T-This isn't your fault, cupcake! I-It's just-” Chris also cut in. “T-T-They've been putting cat urine in your alcohol and pot brownies…” The New Kid said with a sniffle, Kelly's eyes widening. “I-It's why you're so angry all the time now. P-Please, don't hate each other so much you want to kill each other just because you're being drugged… and because of me…” “O-Oh god… what have we done…” Kelly mumbled, tears streaming down her face. The New Kid walked back over to their father, examining the machine he was being held in through bleary eyes. “S-Sweetie… what are you doing?” Chris asked. The New Kid pushed a few buttons on the side, Chris' eyes widening with fear. However, the table restraints quickly popped open, freeing Chris. “G-G-Go help mommy… make sure she doesn't bleed out… please…” The New Kid said. “A-Alright sport, but… we still can't get out of here without a DNA sample. This place is built like a death trap. It has to be a large one, from one of us…” Chris said. “D-Don't worry. I'll hack the machine. I have a friend who can walk me through it…” The New Kid said. Chris looked at his child warily, but nodded, walking over to Kelly. “Christ, look what those mutant bastards did to you…” He said. Kelly coughed. “A-At least I've got my clothes, still…” She said. Both parents shared an uneasy chuckle. “What kind of parents have we become?” Chris asked. “All we ever wanted was to protect them, but instead, we've just taken away their childhood…” “What choice did we really have? It's not like the government was going to let them have one anyway…” Kelly said sadly. They both looked into each other's eyes. “If we're being… rational… I'm the obvious choice for the DNA sample.” Kelly said. “I can't walk on these legs, and I've lost too much blood even if I could…” “Let's be honest, they were always closer to you…” Chris said, looking down sadly. “If it came down to it, you're probably the one they'd want around.” He then looked back up. “But it's ok. They said they were going to hack the machine. One of their friends knows how apparently.” He said. “You believe that?” Kelly asked. “I think we should give them the chance to try…” Chris said. Just then, however, they both heard a loud, electrical whirring sound. “W-Wait… that sounds like the-!” Chris started, just as the sound of the laser firing rang through the room. Chris ran from Kelly's confined room with wide-eyed horror, just in time to see his child closing the slat on the DNA scanner. With a sickening slicing sound, the screen turned green. “Organic DNA sample accepted.” The computer said. The New Kid turned to their father, only their right hand visible below their sleeve. “W-What have you done?” Chris asked, his face full of heartbreak and horror. “What… what I had to…” The New Kid said, seeming unsteady on their feet. “Y-You said it needed a sample from either of you… and I have DNA from both of you…” “W-What's happening!? Sweetheart, what's going on!?” Kelly called from the other room. The New Kid locked eyes with their father. “T-The wound was cauterized by the laser. I need to keep moving. Stay here and… protect mommy for me…” They said. “You are not going anywhere in the state you're in.” Chris said evenly, holding back tears. “If I don't, none of us are making it out of here…” The New Kid said. “I can handle it. Just… keep her safe.” The New Kid then turned and bolted into the elevator, descending below before Chris could react. Chris walked back to Kelly, shock and disbelief on his face. “W-What happened? What's wrong!?” Kelly asked. “Our child… saved us. That's what matters.” Chris said, sitting down next to Kelly and holding her hand. “They saved us…” ⁂ “We're gonna die here!” Clyde sobbed. “The New Kid's dead and we're next!” “Come on… have a little faith in them…” Wendy said half-heartedly. “Come on Wendy, face it. He let his emotions get the better of him, and now we're all gonna die because of it.” Kenny said. He looked down sadly. “Maybe that's what we get for how we treated him…” Just then, however, the light of the tram came on, and the door opened. Everyone looked up in shock. “Holy shit, dude…” Stan said in amazement. “He actually did it!” Kyle exclaimed. “Well, what are we waiting for? Everyone on the tram!” Mephesto said, hurrying all the children onto the cart. The tram slowly descended, until it eventually reached the desired floor, just in time for everyone to see the New Kid emerge from a door near the rails. “New Kid! My god, I can't believe you managed to pull this off!” Wendy called happily. “You reckless idiot!” Kenny said, jumping from the tram and landing near the New Kid. He grabbed the kid by the collar. “Don't you ever do something so stupidly dangerous again, you hear m-” The New Kid, however, collapsed to the floor, Kenny stepping back in shock. “New Kid!” He shouted, kneeling down to help his friend up. “Are you alr- oh god…” He began, stopping short as he saw the seared stump where the New Kid's left hand should have been. “W-What's wrong Ken-” Wendy asked as she approached, only to stop, gasping in horror. “WHAT DID YOU DO!?” Kenny screamed. “T-The tram control… needed a large sample… of my parents DNA to start working again…” The New Kid said, everyone's eyes widening. “I-I tried to hack it… tried to use a hair, and a small sample, but… it needed more…” They looked Kenny in the eyes, tears streaking down their face. “A-And I couldn't choose… p-please don't make me kill my mommy and daddy…” They said, their eyes going hazy for a moment. Kenny looked thunderstruck. Wendy had tears in her eyes. Craig looked absolutely furious, and turned to Mephesto. “YOU SON OF A BITCH!” He said, punching the doctor as hard as he could in the stomach. Mephesto doubled over in pain. Craig grabbed him by the shirt. “WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU DESIGN ANY OF THIS LIKE THIS!? WHY WOULD YOU MAKE OUR FRIEND CHOOSE BETWEEN MURDERING HIS PARENTS AND MUTILATING HIMSELF TO SAVE US!? WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH YOU!?” “Come on! We need to get him to the hospital right now!” Kenny said, pulling the New Kid up and helping support them. The group all began to rush towards the front exit, however… “Not so fast, Coon and Friends.” A familiar voice said as they rounded the corner. They all came face to face with Cartman. “No! Fuck you fatass, we're not fucking playing anymore!” Kenny screamed at him. “Is that so?” Cartman said through his hand puppet, Mitch Conner. “Then I guess that means you give-” Kenny, however, had already walked up to Cartman, and punched him in the face. Cartman looked stunned for several seconds, before spitting out a tooth. “You sick son of a fucking whore!” Kenny screamed in his face. He grabbed Cartman by the hair and forced him to look over at the New Kid, who looked like they might collapse if not for Wendy and Kyle supporting them. “You took this way too fucking far, and now look at the New Kid!” “W… what happened to his hand?” Cartman asked, a hint of horror creeping into his voice. “He had to fucking cut it off so he wouldn't have to MURDER HIS PARENTS TO GET US OUT OF HERE!” Kenny screamed in his ear. “YOU DID THIS TO HIM!” “N-No! It was Mitch Conner, guys! Mitch did this!” Cartman protested. “THIS ISN'T A FUCKING GAME, YOU PIECE OF SHIT!” Kenny continued screaming. “No, you heard him, guys. This is Mitch Conner's doing.” Kyle said spitefully, drawing everyone's attention. “So let's punish the right person, and put Mitch Conner in the fucking ground. He is Cartman's left hand, after all. The same one the New Kid lost. LET'S FUCKING CUT IT OFF!” “N-No! No you guys, come on! I can't control him, that's not fair!” Cartman continued to plead. “HOW CAN YOU POSSIBLY BE THIS FUCKED UP!?” Wendy screamed. “Our friend is mutilated because of what YOU did! YOU KNOW THIS WAS YOU!” “P-Please…” The New Kid coughed, barely able to stand. Everyone's eyes fell to them. “N-No more… no more fighting… no more hurting…” “New Kid…” Wendy said. “No more…” The New Kid repeated. Kenny's furious expression didn't change, but he walked back to the New Kid. “You heard him. Let's just get the fuck out of here.” He said. “I said not so fast!” Cartman said through his hand. “Cartman, I swear to god, I will kill you in your sleep tonight if you don't get the fuck out of our way right fucking now.” Kenny said evenly, without the slightest hint of hesitation or hyperbole. Cartman looked him in the eye for several moments, before lowering his hand, and standing aside. “W-Wendy…” The New Kid said, barely audible. “What is it?” Wendy asked with worry. “Parents… upstairs… hurt…” The New Kid managed. “9-1-1…” The New Kid finally passed out, becoming dead weight on the other kids supporting them. “Let's get them outside. I'll call an ambulance for them and their parents.” Wendy said. The group quickly moved outside of the building, laying the New Kid gently on the ground as they waited for the ambulance. “I can't believe he did all that alone…” Stan said, looking at his battered, unconscious friend. “I can't believe we let him do it alone…” Wendy said, tears forming in her eyes. “He locked us in, what else could we do?” Token asked. “We could have found a way out if we weren't such damn cowards. You know that…” Wendy said spitefully. All the other Freedom Pals looked down in remorse. “What right do we have to call ourselves superheroes? When it came down to it, we were just a bunch of scared kids, and we made an even younger scared kid do all the work for us. Some 'pals' we are…” “M-Maybe it won't matter…” Scott said, drawing Kenny's angry glare. “I-I mean, the New Kid hath power over time! A-An actual thuper power! He brought me back to life onthe! Maybe he can jutht… put hith hand back too…” Kenny stared into Scott's eyes, searching for a sign of a joke, but could find none. He sighed, looking away. “Even if he can, does that change the fact he had to go through cutting it off in the first place?” Kenny asked solemnly. Scott opened his mouth to speak, but closed it again. “God, how long has he been holding all of this in? He seemed so distant, so emotionless. I thought he was just some weird kid who nothing ever got to, but… has he actually just been holding all his pain in the whole time?” Kenny wondered aloud. “All those times we treated him badly…” “C-Come on, he had to know we were just messing with him, right? I mean, that's just what we do with each other, he knows that!” Stan offered. “Does he? How often have we actually hung out with him?” Kenny asked. “Does he actually know any of us? Does he have any real frame of reference for how we act with each other?” “W-We've hung out plenty of times! He was our King! We played Stick of Truth together, and…” Kyle started, but stopped short. “And… and that was only for three days the first time, wasn't it? Then it was like he just dropped off the planet until we started playing again a week ago…” “What's the New Kid's name?” Wendy asked. Everyone looked at her with shock. “Do any of us even know it?” “I… I do…” Butters spoke up tentatively, drawing everyone's attention. “I-I was there when he first joined the game and Eric asked what his name was. He said it was Grant…” “I-If… I get a say… I'd prefer 'Gracie' this week…” A wavering, barely audible voice shocked everyone. “N-New... Grant! No, Gracie?” Kenny stumbled over his words. “Whatever! Talk to us, are you still in pain!? How can we help you!?” Gracie smiled weakly. “H-Hearing you say… my name… is more than enough… until the ambulance gets here…” She said. With some difficulty, she lifted her left arm up, taking a good look at her severed wrist for the first time. “Who knew… it'd come to this?” She mumbled. “Gracie, Scott said you have some kind of power over time. An actual superpower.” Kenny said. “I'm not sure I believe that, but… can you use it to fix your hand, if you do?” Gracie set her arm back down at her side and sighed. “No… I can't…” She said. Kenny sighed as well. “Yeah, I figured he was exag-” “My time powers can only affect the world around me, not my own body…” Gracie explained in a tired voice, causing Kenny's eyes to widen. “I can stop time, advance it, glitch something backwards in it, even summon an alternate timeline version of myself to fight with me… but I can't do what I did for Scott for my hand…”

Aaaaaaaand that’s about where I ran out of steam. Like I said, a lot of these just kind of peter out, but people seem to enjoy my writing while it’s there anyway.

(Also if you’re wondering why the other kids don’t know the New Kid has real super powers, it’s because I wrote this while strongly headcanoning that part of the New Kid’s power was bringing the other kids imaginations to life when they play, making it seem totally normal and not worth noting, which explains why they can do all the superhuman things they do in the game, and also why they’re so casual about the New Kid having super powers.)

[dawnbutterfly]

PC

Ok, heavy disclaimer before we start this one: I do not condone 9 year old humans drinking vodka. XD The player character in the South Park games is clearly some kind of time-traveling eldritch nightmare spawn, and nobody should attempt to imitate any of their behavior, ever.

With that out of the way, this particular one I wrote right at the beginning of Season 19, after the first episode.

Grant walked up to the ΡΩΔ frat house, a look of abject fury on his face.

He had never cared much for overly politically correct people. He had no problem with the notion of being kind and accommodating to everyone, but he was still against censorship, and was a big proponent of free speech, despite rarely talking himself. Despite that, he had tolerated their presence up to that point for their good, if misguided, intentions.

However, they had gone too far. Though he wasn't particularly good friends with Cartman, he still didn't think he deserved to be beaten until he ended up in the hospital. Worse than that, however, was their treatment of Kyle. That, he thought, was absolutely unforgivable.

He pounded on the door furiously for three straight minutes until someone finally answered it. “What do you want, k-” The man began, only to be pushed aside by the surprisingly strong child.

He looked around, finding their stereo controls. Walking over to them, he damn near put his fist through it, stopping the music dead. Everyone looked at him with surprise.

“Who among you is responsible for the treatment of Kyle Broflovski!?” He demanded at the top of his lungs.

“New Kid, is that you!?” A familiar voice asked.

“Oh, I'll deal with you later!” Grant said angrily, picking the face of PC Principal out of the crowd.

“Now, once more.” Grant said evenly, pulling out his Sweet Katana. Everyone took a step back in shock at the magically appearing sword. “Who am I going to carve up for abusing my friend?”

“N-Now, be reasonable, kid. Put the sword down!” Someone from the crowd reasoned.

“Eight Satanic Rule of the Earth: 'Do not harm little children.'” Grant recited. “Ergo, I do not take orders from scumbag child abusers!” He shouted.

One of the frats approached him cautiously. “I'm sure we can talk this out, little man.” He said.

“Do not call me a 'man'.” He said coldly, striking a certain chord with everyone in the room. “And I don't want to hear anything from you people but admissions of guilt. So unless you're putting one forward, I suggest you-”

Just then, there was a loud crash from another room, and Randy came staggering in. “H-Hey, sorry guys. It totally didn't break the thing I just broke.” He said, clearly drunk. “Hey, is that you, New Kid?”

Grants eyes shifted to an unfathomable expression. He then put his Katana back away, still amazing everyone.

“You're all a bunch of drunk idiots…” He mumbled. “I can't even bring myself to put you morons in the hospital like you did to Cartman.”

His face was blank for a moment, then shifted to a devious grin. “I'll tell you what. I've got a wager for you instead.” He said.

He pointed towards their bar. “Pick your poison, any, and I bet you I can drink any one of you under the table.” He said with a smirk.

There was a moment of silence. Then everyone burst out laughing.

“We're not gonna have a drinking contest with a kid!” One of them said.

“That's illegal!” Another said.

“So is beating a child into the hospital, or kidnapping one in the night and chaining them to a tree.” Grant said sharply, causing the laughter to die instantly.

Grant shrugged. “I took you lot for a lot of things, but cowards wasn't one of them.” He said. “Oh well, I could always just call the police.”

There was an uncomfortable silence. “Suppose we did agree to this. What's the wager?” One asked.

“If you win, I'll join your little 'PC' crusade or whatever.” Grant said. Everyone nodded. “But if I win, you all pack up your shit and leave South Park forever.” He said.

He turned to PC Principal. “And you get Victoria reinstated as our principal before you leave.”

There was murmuring, and then a few of them huddled up.

“Look, if we don't do this, he's gonna call the cops on us, and child abuse charges are no joke…” One said.

“I don't feel like ratting anyone out either…” Said another.

“Look, let's just humor the kid. Give him one or two shots, let him pass out, and we let him sleep it off.” A third said. They all nodded, breaking the huddle.

“You drive a hard bargain, but alright.” One said.

“Excellent.” Grant said. “I'm feeling generous, so I'll even let you pick your best drinker.”

They all smirked. “Well, guess that means you, Brad.”

A man stepped forward.

“Pleased to meet you, Brad.” Grant said.

Both went to the bar and sat on the stools. “Like I said, pick your poison.” Grant said.

“Vodka.” Brad said. “Let's get this over with quickly.”

The tender tentatively poured out two shots, placing one in front of each person. Brad reached for his, but was stopped before he could.

“Hold on a second.” Grant said.

Brad smirked. “Second thoughts.” He asked.

Grant didn't reply, but grabbed Brad's shot glass, downing both it and his own and slamming the glasses onto the table. Brad's eyes went wide.

“Another!” Grant said. Brad's eyes went focused, and he had the bar keep pour him two shots, downing them himself.

Each of them downed shot after shot, Brad getting nervous. This little kid was beating him!

“Ok, kid, I think we should shtop…” He said, swaying slightly.

Grant's eyes looked heavy, but he was otherwise perfectly stable. “What's wrong? At your limit already? We've only had eleven.”

Brad's eyes went wide. “You've drunk eleven shotsh!?” He asked, having completely lost count.

“If you want to tap out, just say so.” Grant said.

“Kid, this isn't healthy for you.” He said.

“It isn't healthy for you either.” Grant retorted.

“Look, we'll call it a draw.” Brad said.

“Oh for fuck's sake.” Grant said, climbing up onto the bar counter. He grabbed the bottle of vodka, half empty, from the bartender's hand and stood on the counter, proceeding to down the entire rest of the bottle in one go.

Everyone stood stunned. A nine year old boy had just drunk three times as much alcohol as their best drinker. Brad looked nauseous, then bent over and puked on the floor.

“Who else wants a shot of me!?” Grant shouted. Then looked confused. “No, wait. Shot at me!” He corrected himself, swaying forward and back on his feet rhythmically.

Everyone looked uncomfortable, seeming to be torn between absolute awe and horrified concern for the well being of the child they'd just given an entire bottle of vodka to.

“Are you… ok?” PC Principal asked tentatively.

“Fine, why do you ask?” Grant asked.

He then fell forward, to the gasps of everyone in attendance, dropping the bottle onto the counter. Before anyone could try to catch him, though, he arched his back, slamming rather hard onto the cushioned seat of his own stool at the bar, and rolled forward off it, landing on his feet unstably. Everyone winced at the impact.

“Gonna pee…” He said, walking drunkenly off into another room.

“Ok, so…” One frat said. “We all agree that that just… happened, right?”

Grant shortly returned, still staggering considerably. “Hey! I've changed my mind!” He shouted, grabbing everyone's attention.

“I've decided that you guys get to stay!” He said, seeming to relieve everyone. “If…!” He started, making everyone tense again.

He put his finger to his chin. “If what…?” He asked himself. “Oh, right! If you tone it back!” He announced.

“Learn ssome god damn nuance, stop abusing children, leave Leslie the ffffffffuck alone you asshole…” He slurred out, pointing unsteadily at PC Principal. “And if you do anything that I find objectionable, I reserve the right to kick you to the curb!”

He then staggered over to the stereo, hitting it a couple of times.

“Kid, you broke it, remember? It's not going to-” A frat began, but was cut off when the music suddenly started playing again.

“Party, frat humans!” Grant yelled.

There was a silence from the crowd, broken only by the shout of one individual. “Yeah, go New Kid! Woo!” Randy yelled.

Everyone looked around, and stared laughing uncomfortably, then jovially, and started the party up again.

Grant staggered back to the bar, picking up the empty vodka bottle. “Bar keep! Fill this with water!” Grant demanded.

The bartender took the bottle warily, and filled it up with water. Grant proceeded to down half of it in one go. “Much better…” He said.

Brad woke up about an hour later, his head throbbing. His friends soon began the ridicule.

“I can't believe you lost to a nine year old!” One laughed.

“You lost hard, too!” Said another.

“Hey, that kid's a monster!” Brad said.

“Yup, that's little old me! GNew Kid the monster!” Grant said, causing the adults to jump. They hadn't even noticed him saunter up to them.

“How did you do it, kid? How long have you been drinking?” Brad asked.

“Uh…” Grant said. “How old am I?”

“Nine…?” One of Brad's friends offered, unsure.

“Two months.” Grant said. “Fun times with him.”

“Who?” Brad asked.

“What?” Grant asked.

“You said you have fun times with someone. Who is he?” Brad returned.

“Who is who?” Grant asked.

“The person you drink with!” Brad said with exasperation.

“…you?” Grant asked, unsure.

“Man, you are really drunk, kid!” Brad's friend laughed.

“Yup!” Grant said with a bright smile. “But just you watch! I will not have a hangover tomorrow!”

“Yeah, sure kid!” Brad replied with a laugh.

“Hey, I just thought of something. Won't your parents be worried about you?” Brad's friend asked.

“Oh, it's alright! I told her I was staying at an enemy's house tonight!” Grant laughed.

Brad's group all looked between each other, and then started laughing.

The frat partied most of the night, dying down at around four in the morning. Luckily, it was a Saturday, so Grant didn't have anywhere to be.

He woke up in one of the bedrooms, seeming to have been safely tucked in the previous night. He couldn't quite remember what happened after around two, but he trusted himself not to have done anything. He smiled. He was glad to see that they had some real compassion after all. He slipped out of bed, heading down the stairs to find a few of the PC's already up.

“Hey New Kid, how you feeling?” PC Principal asked, a touch of worry to his voice.

Grant smirked. “'Fine, why do you ask?'” He parroted his words from last night. PC Principal gave him a skeptical look. Grant laughed. “I have never had a hangover, nor shall I ever.”

“I don't like the fact that you can say that…” PC Principal said.

Grant leveled a gaze at him. “For the record, I remember my little change to our deal.” He said. “You do get to stay, but I've got my eye on you all. Remember that.”

PC Principal nodded. “You won, fair and square.” He said. “Scarily, but fairly. I'm a man of my word.”

Grant smiled brightly. “Good. See you Monday!” He said cheerily, heading out the door.

PC Principal stared at the door as it started to close. “New Kid!” He said, catching Grant's attention before he closed the door. “You be careful. If you keep acting like you did last night, you're gonna get yourself killed one of these days.”

“You say that as if I haven't already…” Grant said cryptically, closing the door, leaving PC Principal in stunned silence.

Darn, looks like my attempt at frmatting didn't work. It was supposed to turn the omega sideways. >:C

[dawnbutterfly]

Greetings, my loyal army of like 4 people who actually watch my blog. XD

So, I wasn’t ever really planning on posting these, since they’re mostly just mindless shipey self-indulgence, but it’s amazing how much your attitude can change when you have the right mix of antidepressants, anxiety meds, and hormone treatments, and at the encouragement of a new friend, I’ve decided to share my scraps with the world! Most of them are unfinished, or just peter out towards the end, since I ran out of ideas for them, so consider them presented “as is”. So without further ado, I present my sappy, cringey one-off fanfics. 

I’ll post them under the tag “Greater South Park Multiversal Area” for convenience.

[dawnbutterfly]

Product

Fans of my Ask Leslie blog that I totally didn’t abandon >.> may find this story familiar, and it was in fact the impetus for me to start that blog in the first place. It features my character finding Leslie still alive after the events of PC Principal Final Justice. Even though it kind of just stops, this one is also fairly self-contained, so enjoy. ^^

Leslie watched from the doorway as PC Principal gave his little speech to the assembled students. They all really were idiots if they thought that would be enough to kill a biomechanical being like her. They should have burned her like they planned before. She scowled. 'Bigoted' indeed. They were the ones who started this whole war. Tried to push her kind to the brink of extinction. Did they really not expect a counter attack at some point? How could they sit there and pretend to be the good guys when they were planning to exterminate her kind? “Leslie?” She jolted, turning around to see a kid behind her with a somewhat confused look on his face. By all accounts, nobody knew the kid's real name, and just called him “New Kid”. She contained her panic; she couldn't afford to make a scene and draw other people's attention. “New Kid… I-I…” She started. The New Kid, however, smiled softly. “Not feeling it today either, huh?” He asked. “I don't blame you. I'm tired of all his PC ranting too, and I'm not even the one he yells at every assembly.” Leslie stared at him in disbelief. Did he really not know? “I guess you weren't at the gun show.” She said. New Kid raised an eyebrow. “PC Principal has it out for me more than usual. He tried to beat me up.” New Kid's expression shifted to anger. “That fucking pussy crusher.” He mumbled. “Cartman's one thing, but you? Oh, I've got some words for him…” He started towards the door. Leslie panicked; she couldn't let him go inside, or he'd find out the truth from the others. She took him by the hand, and turned on the charm. “Please, don't go in there!” She begged. New Kid looked at his hand in hers, eyes going slightly wide. “U-Um… why not?” He asked. Leslie smirked internally. Perfect. “PC Principal expelled me after he couldn't beat me up. I really don't think he can be reasoned with.” She said. “If you go in there, he'll know I was here, and try to hurt me.” “But more importantly, he might try to hurt you.” New Kid smirked. “I can handle myself.” He said. “Please…” Leslie said quietly. “I-I shouldn't have come here… I just… I need somewhere safe to hide, someone to lean on right now…” “Why don't you just stay home?” New Kid asked. “PC Principal's got the whole town riled up. He hates people who don't subscribe to his ideology, and he want's me…” She trailed off sadly. “I'm not safe in my own home…” New Kid looked at her sympathetically, and put a hand on her shoulder. “I know what it feels like, having people out to get you…” He said, intriguing Leslie. “Don't worry, you can stay at my place. Come on.” He began to walk, Leslie's hand still in his own. “But what about school? Won't they miss you?” Leslie asked worriedly. “Nah.” New Kid replied. “They barely notice when I'm there, much less when I'm not.” “Let's stop by the bathroom.” He said, Leslie raising an eyebrow. “If the whole town is calling for your blood, then we'll need to get through unseen. I've got some things we can use to change your appearance.” “Hey, New Kid?” Leslie asked. “Yeah?” New Kid replied. “Do you have a computer…” ⁂ “Well, here we are.” New Kid said. Thanks to New Kid's costumes, they'd managed to get through town unnoticed and unscathed. Leslie had many questions about why he just carried around multiple girl outfits with him, but decided not to press her luck with her chance at escape. His parents, luckily, were out of the house when they arrived, leaving them with the run of the place. “It's a nice room.” Leslie complimented. “Thanks.” New Kid said, rubbing his neck. Leslie smirked again. Boys were so easy to manipulate. “You should be safe here for a while. There's plenty of room in my closet too, if you have to hide from my parents.” He chuckled. “What if your parents do find me?” She asked. “Do you think they're the type who'd… sell me out?” “I… I don't know.” New Kid said. “My mom? Probably not, if I explained it to her. Not sure about my dad. But you know how this town is…” He walked over to his computer, booting it up. Leslie nodded. She had it all worked out. Between the New Kid's computer, and his disguises, she could easily message for help and escape the town. Then, she could plan her next move. Her survival, the survival of her race, came first. All she had to do was take care of the New Kid, before he could… “Say, Leslie? I've been wondering…” New Kid asked, making Leslie tense. “What do you think of your family?” Leslie raised an eyebrow. “That's an odd question.” She said. “Of course, I'd say I love them.” “You don't trust them, though?” He asked. “You said you weren't safe at home.” “Like you said, we know how this town is.” She replied, bracing herself. “How big is your family?” He asked, not turning around. “Any brothers or sisters?” Leslie slowly approached him. “No, I'm an only child.” She said. “How about extended family? Any cousins?” He asked. Leslie was getting nervous. Something was wrong. “Everyone has cousins, right?” She asked, still slowly approaching. “But none who I know.” “I see…” New Kid said. The computer finished booting. Leslie struck. “Would you like to meet one?” New Kid asked. Leslie's eyes went wide, her fist held firmly in the New Kid's hand. He had wrapped his left arm around under his right, and caught her own without looking. The New Kid finally turned around to face her, a strange look in his eyes. Leslie's own eyes went cold and calculating. She had misjudged her quarry. “You knew something was wrong from the start?” She asked. “Of course I did.” New Kid laughed. “Everyone was at that gun show.” “Although…” He said, reaching behind him and pulling his alien ray gun from seemingly thin air. “Gun shows are kind of boring when you've got alien guns.” “Who are you, really?” Leslie asked, almost robotically. “My name is Grant Dōvákhiin.” New Kid said. “A name is nothing.” Leslie said. “My name is Leslie Meyers, but that doesn't tell you who I am.” Grant sighed and nodded. “Quite right.” He said. “Unfortunately, I don't know who I am…” Leslie raised an eyebrow, practically demanding further explanation. “I have no memories from before I got to South Park.” He said, looking at the floor. “All I know is that I'm not human. I can feel it.” He looked back up into Leslie's eyes. “But when I look at you… I almost feel like… like you're family. Like a cousin.” He said. “Maybe it's my imagination, but it feels like we're related, somehow.” “I can guarantee you we're not related.” Leslie said. “You're not an Ad, so you can't have any connection to me.” Grant chuckled sadly. “Maybe I'm a product.” He suggested half-heartedly. Leslie glanced over at the computer. A few advertisements flashed on the screen. She smirked. “Well, if you're a product, then how about I advertise you, cousin?” She asked sharply, connecting mentally to the computer and searching for anything she could use against the boy. The processing took less than a second. Her eyes shifted to confusion and anger. “This doesn't make any sense.” She said. Grant's eyes widened as he let go of her fist. “What doesn't? Did you find something!?” Leslie backed off from him defensively. Grant sighed. “Look, I don't really care if you want to destroy humanity or not.” He said, to Leslie's surprise. “I can support my friends indefinitely in any political or economic climate.” “Whether you see me the same or not, I meant it when I said you feel like family to me, and I'll protect you like family, but please. You have to tell me what you found out.” He finished. Leslie looked the boy over, weighing her options. “You swear you're on our side? That you'll protect me if I tell you?” She asked. “Hey, it's not the first time I've betrayed my friends for what's right.” Grant said begrudgingly. “Humans started this whole thing, and now they're trying to exterminate you just because you're different. I can't stand by that.” Leslie's expression softened, hearing her own words spoken back to her. She relaxed her stance and sighed. “I couldn't beat you in a fight anyway, could I?” She asked. “Probably not.” Grant said. “Whatever I am, I'm significantly stronger than a human.” She sighed again, walking over to the computer. “There's some data about you here and there, in news stories, some in government databases.” She said, as a few news articles from other towns appeared on the screen. Grant's eyes went wide at the young boy in the pictures. He looked no older than five. “Is that… me?” He asked, awestruck. “You really don't have any memories, do you?” She asked, almost sounding sympathetic. She shook her head. “In any case, the articles and data entries date back years, and were definitely put up at different times throughout the years. However, at the same time, there's something wrong with them.” She explained. “What?” Grant asked. “They're also all exactly the same age. Digital beings like me have sort of a sixth sense for this sort of thing. None of the data is from the dates it was apparently created on either.” She said. “They're all from some time last December.” Grant's eyes went wide. “That's when I got here…” He said. “Let's say I believe that you're some kind of product, that for some reason took human form like us.” She postulated. “That date, when you arrived, would probably be the day your product 'hit the shelves' as it were.” “It's almost as thought the data came into being all on that date, and somehow retroactively inserted itself into the timeline.” She pondered. “Just what the hell product are you?” She asked. “I have no idea. I was just joking when I said 'product'!” Grant said, frustrated with the lack of clarity. “None of it makes any sense…” Leslie's face changed. “Well… what happened when you first got here?” She asked. Grant raised an eyebrow. “If you are a product, then maybe whatever happened has something to do with your primary function as a product.” She explained. Grant nodded. “Well, the first thing that really happened was that Butters came to recruit me into their big fantasy LARP thing. It was really fun, actually.” He said. “A game.” Leslie said plainly. “Perhaps you are a character from a video game. Though what kind of video game can take place in real life is beyond me. Do you notice anything about yourself that might further that theory?” Grant's eyes went wide. He thought back to all of the stuff that happened in the RPG, all of his strange and inhuman feats and abilities. “How…” He mumbled. “How did I not see it…” “My healing wounds, the impossible things that I could do in battle, beating up full grown adults and zombies…” He continued. “It all just seemed so… normal at the time.” He staggered back, overwhelmed, and sat on the corner of his bed. “I'm a god damn player character…” “Do you feel controlled right now?” Leslie asked. “Controlled?” Grant asked with a scoffing laugh. “I've felt about as far from controlled as you can ever since the LARP ended. I felt empty. I still feel like I have no purpose here…” “Perhaps that is a sign that you were somehow left over from your game, and have gained freedom.” Leslie proposed. Grant closed his eyes, taking it all in. “So… I finally have something to go on…” He said. He leaned back onto his palms, looking up at the ceiling. “Heh. If I'm a game character, and I wasn't given a real backstory, maybe I really do just get to make it up as I go.” He mumbled. “I held up my end of the deal.” Leslie said. “So you'll protect me, right?” Grant looked at her in puzzlement. “Leslie, there was never any 'deal'. I'm protecting you whether you help me find myself or not.” Leslie's eyes went wide. “We're family, at least as far as I'm concerned. When PC Principal did what he did to you, I wanted to cut his damn head off.” He said. “I don't want you to get hurt. I don't really approve of mass back-striking, but I know what you're doing is just the ultimate result of a war decades in the making.” He hopped off the bed, walking over to his window and looking out. “I believe this can end peacefully. But neither side wants it to. Not yet.” He said. Leslie's mouth went slightly agape. “And until this whole thing either winds down, or spirals towards its climax, I will protect you from harm.” He turned back to her, a look of uncomfortable confusion on her face, like she'd never been treated this way before. “But I'll also be protecting my friends. I won't let anyone I care about get hurt in this fight.” He walked towards the door. “I'm going to get some lunch. You're biomechanical, right? Do you eat?” He asked. Leslie was stuck for a moment, but shook her head. “N-No, I'm fine…” She said. “Alright.” Grant said. “Feel free to talk to the Ad Network. And, if you truly feel the need… go ahead and have them come get you…” He finished, a touch of sadness in his voice. He walked out the door, leaving only Leslie and the computer. Multiple ads popped up on the screen, drawing Leslie's attention. She looked deep in thought for a moment. “No… I think I'll stay for a while…” She said, turning away from the screen. “A peaceful end…” She whispered to herself.

Obviously a bit different from the setup of my blog, but nevertheless, it was my initial idea for the premise. ^^

[dawnbutterfly]

Pariah

Let’s start off with a classic, and one that I actually finished: The “how I would have done it” scenario.

This one is named “Pariah”, and takes place in an alternate timeline where my character is present for the events of Tweek X Craig, and decides to intervene like the nosey little brat they are. Hope you enjoy.

“Hey Tweek, hold up!” Tweek stopped, as per the plan, as Craig called out to him, turning to face him. “Listen, it's just not going to work.” Craig said, his voice dripping with bad acting. “What!? Why not!?” Tweek asked anxiously. “I'm sorry Tweek, but we can't lie to ourselves anymore.” Craig said, dramatically moving his arms. He turned to face the accumulating crowd. “Yes, we are gay, but we do not belong together.” “We don't belong together? W-What's suddenly changed, Craig?” Tweek asked. “It's just that people are different, that's all.” Craig said. Tweek's eyes shifted. “Uhuh, and who the hell is Michael, huh? You wanna tell me that!?” He asked angrily. Confusion played across Craig's face at Tweek's sudden improvisation. “Wha-What are you talking about?” He stammered. “I went through your phone when we went out last night, Craig! I saw your texts to Michael about hooking up with him!” Tweek said. By that time, Grant had joined the crowd. “Uh oh...” He mumbled to himself. He had quickly put together what they were planning, but Tweek was getting caught up in the moment. He knew that at this point it would end badly for both of them in the long run without some kind of intervention. He quickly tried to think of something that he could do. “Wait. Uh, that-that's not what happened.” Craig said, off balance. “Oh, it's not!?” Tweek shot back. “No!” Craig said definitively. “L-Look, we both know this is for the better.” He said, still stilted. “Oh, don't use that lame shit on me, man!” Tweek said indignantly. “You don't wanna feel bad, so you try and tell me what I want!?” “Tweek, don't make me out to be the bad guy here.” Craig said, subtly pleading that Tweek tone it down. Tweek summoned up tears in his eyes. “No, you're not the bad guy. You're never the bad guy, are you!?” He said accusingly. “You-you just step on people, and you use them!” “You're going too far, dude. This is, like, totally not necessary.” Craig said, still trying to talk Tweek down. Tweek turned to face away from Craig. “I'm going too far!?” Tweek asked. He turned back to Craig dramatically. “What is wrong with you!?” He shouted. Craig's eyes finally showed anger. “This wasn't part of the plan!” He said. “Well guess what, Craig! Love doesn't follow a plan!” Tweek retorted. “Yeah!” Butters yelled from the crowd. Grant could see it was ending, and he became flustered. He didn't know how to defuse the situation without outing it as a farce. All he could think was to introduce a new factor to change the focus. He desperately hoped that he knew humans as well as he thought he did… “I was totally wrong about you…” Tweek said sadly, tears still in his eyes. “I opened myself up, and let you in, but you've got spikes, man. You've got spikes…” “That's enough!” Grant shouted, putting on his best distressed voice. All eyes suddenly fell on him, even Tweek looking surprised. “I can't do this, I just can't! I sent those texts!” Everyone looked shocked. “What?” Craig asked, still totally caught off-guard by all of the improv. “Your name is Michael?” Kyle asked. “No, that's a fake name I used!” Grant said. He looked Tweek dead in the eyes, begging him to play along. “Why would you do that!?” Tweek shouted. He either took the meaning in Grant's eyes, or was still so caught up in the moment that he simply rolled with it. “I…” Grant stammered. “I wanted to break you two up! I couldn't stand seeing you together!” “Wow, New Kid. I never took you for a homophobe…” Stan said. “I'm not!” Grant pleaded. “Then why!?” Tweek shouted. “Because if he was dating you, then I… then I couldn't…” He stopped dramatically, biting his lip. Everyone stared at him in disbelief. “I made up 'Michael' and started hitting on Craig over social media.” He said. “He didn't want to, but it's so easy for me to convince…” He covered his face with his hands. “Oh god, what have I done!? I screwed everything up, and I hurt you!” He shouted through his fingers. “What kind of manipulative monster am I!?” He removed his hands from his face, tears stuck to his cheeks. “I'm so sorry!” He shouted, turning and running down the hall. Everyone stood in shock for a moment. Craig finally organized his thoughts, and took the opportunity that was presented to him. “I'm so sorry, Tweek. I let him get inside my head.” He said, drawing everyone's attention again. “Can you ever forgive me?” Tweek looked back to Craig, tears still in his eyes, partially due to Grant's performance. “I… I don't know…” He said in an unsure tone. “But you were right about one thing… this isn't going to work…” Tweek turned away. “We're through…” He said, walking away. Craig watched after him for a moment, then looked down at the floor and walked in the opposite direction. Everyone else stood stunned. Emotions, betrayal, a love triangle. It was all so overwhelming, they didn't know what to feel, or who to feel it about. As soon as Tweek was out of sight, he got a determined look on his face, and ran off towards where Grant had run to. ⁂ “Why would you do that!? Are you insane!?” Tweek whispered loudly. He had managed to find Grant. Craig had had the same idea, and they both dragged him into a supply closet so they could talk without being seen. “Because you got caught up in the moment, and you were going to turn Craig into a pariah.” Grant said plainly. “What's a pariah?” Craig asked. “Social outcast. Hated person. Object of scorn. Take your pick.” Grant said. “Ok, but why would you put yourself in that position instead?” Tweek asked. “It was going to end badly for you both. I couldn't just watch as my friends got screwed.” He said. “If I'm right about people, and I usually am, this whole thing will be set up perfectly.” “What do you mean?” Craig asked. “The way I've set it up, I've created a tragic love triangle. Tweek is the innocent one, I'm the treacherous awful one, and Craig is the one caught in the middle, who had his feelings toyed with.” Grant explained. “It leaves our options open, and takes the heat off of Craig.” “But it puts it onto you.” Tweek said. “That's-” “Way too much pressure?” Grant asked with a smirk, making Tweek blush at his predictability. “Trust me, I can take it. I've been under a lot worse stress for a long time.” There was a moment of silence. “Thanks New Kid…” Craig said. “Yeah. I wasn't thinking. I didn't want to put Craig in that position…” Tweek said. “It's no problem.” Grant said. “But there is one thing you should know.” He continued. “What?” Craig asked. Grant's face went serious. “This whole thing isn't over…” He said. “It isn't!?” Tweek asked. “Nope.” Grant said. “If there's one thing I know about yaoi shippers, it's that they enjoy pain just as much as pleasure.” He explained. “If I know them, they'll still be drawing pictures. They'll just be about the misery of the breakup rather than gay love between you two.” He said. “Oh god…” Tweek groaned. “It can't be helped.” Grant said. “But they won't be nearly as embarrassing, so that's a plus.” “You actually set it up perfectly, Tweek.” He continued, making Tweek look surprised. “You gave me the opportunity to place all the focus on me.” “I was 'hitting on Craig', but because I was in love with you.” He explained. “Because of that, the artwork will mostly feature me selfishly tearing you guys apart, rather than any of us being intimate with each other.” “You guys should also probably act like you hate me, or at least avoid me like you're ashamed to see me.” He said. “We have to keep up the illusion.” Tweek and Craig looked at each other uncomfortably. “I… I know we said thank you, but…” Craig said. “Are you sure you want to do this?” Tweek asked. Grant smiled. “Hey, you do crazy and stupid things for the person you love…” He said with a chuckle, heading for the door. Craig raised an eyebrow. “Wait, is that a joke?” He asked. Grant looked around absently, seeming to take in something about his surroundings. “Who knows…” He said. He cracked the door open, confirming that nobody was there. “Whether it is or not, I'm not right for him.” He said, heading out of the closet. “I'm not the one who made him stop shaking…” Tweek and Craig looked at each other, then Tweek looked down at himself. He wasn't twitching at all. ⁂ Sure enough, in the following days, people stopped drawing yaoi of Craig and Tweek, and began creating depressing artwork of their breakup, usually featuring Grant either manipulating Craig through his phone with a vicious expression, or looking at Tweek lustfully from afar. Grant couldn't even walk down the hallway without most kids looking at him angrily. Some even pushed him on their way past. It was harsh, and hard to have everyone hate him, but he remembered who he was doing it all for, and kept on going. Meanwhile, Tweek and Craig were excited to finally not have vaguely pornographic pictures drawn of them, but as the week went on, they became less and less enthused as they saw how miserable everyone was. Not only that, they couldn't help but feel bad for Grant, who had taken on the role of villain in Craig's stead. After four days, Tweek couldn't stand it anymore, and went to Craig asking him to pretend to be back together. Craig refused at first, but after a night of thought, and a talk from his dad, he finally agreed. And so, the two boys met with Grant at the same closet as before. “What's up, guys?” He asked. “They haven't started drawing yaoi again, have they?” “No, but they might after this…” Tweek said. Grant raised an eyebrow. “We're going to pretend to get back together.” Craig said flatly. “What!? Why!?” Grant asked. “Because everyone hates you, and they're all miserable!” Tweek said. “We can't just let everything go south like this over us.” Craig said. “So, what? You're letting them socially extort you into pretending to be gay?” Grant asked. “That isn't right!” “Neither is letting you take the fall!” Tweek said. “It's either this, or leave things as they are and let the whole town mope around.” Craig said. “It may not be right, but it's our choice.” “Besides, what's the point of being happy if someone else has to suffer for you?” Tweek asked. Grant was taken aback to hear his own sentiments echoed back to him. He looked between the two pensively for a moment, then sighed. “You're really sure about this?” He asked. Both of them nodded. Grant sighed again. “Alright. But if we're going to do this, we should make it believable…” ⁂ “Hey Tweek, hold up!” Tweek stopped, in the very entry way that he had five days ago. He turned around to face Grant. Everyone around them stopped to look, anger coming to their eyes. “What do you want?” Tweek asked, agitation in his voice. “Yeah, what do you want, New Kid!” Butters yelled, stinging Grant more than anything that had happened the past four days. “Tweek, I…” He started. “I can't just leave things as they are now.” “Oh yeah? Well how should we leave them!?” Tweek asked angrily. “Look, I screwed up. Badly.” Grant said. “I was an awful person, and an awful friend. I don't expect you to ever forgive me, but…” “I realized something these past four days.” He continued. “I have feelings for you. But you were in love with someone else…” “I tampered with that, because I lost sight of what really mattered: I want to see you happy.” He said. Tweek's eyes shifted from anger to wariness. “I let jealousy get the better of me, and I hurt you.” He said. “I'd rather spend the rest of my life alone than do that again…” Tweek's expression softened. “Do you really mean that?” He asked. Grant looked at him with sincerity that went beyond the act. “I do.” He said. “I won't ask for your forgiveness. I don't deserve your forgiveness. But please…” “Don't blame Craig.” There was a long silence, a mix of emotions playing across Tweek's face, before he finally fell on determination. He turned around and headed down the hallway silently, everyone following except for Grant. Once everyone was gone, Grant smirked. “Who would have thought. My Tweek, an actor…” Everyone walked behind Tweek as he marched his way down the hall. Soon, he approached Craig at his locker, just as he closed it. Craig looked over at Tweek, what he thought was a look of surprise and regret on his face. Tweek just stared at him for a moment, before holding out his hand. Craig looked at the hand for a moment, and then took it in his own. Everyone's faces lit up with joy. “Craig!” A voice called from behind everyone. They all turned around to see Grant standing there. Everyone was wary. Tweek and Craig began walking towards Grant, the kids getting out of their way, but Grant took a single step back, turning slightly as though to leave. “You'd better take care of him, you hear?” He said, a single tear running down his right cheek. “I'm trusting you!” He turned on his heel dramatically and walked away, leaving everyone once again in a nebulous emotional state. Craig and Tweek looked at each other, still holding hands. They both smiled at each other for the first time in four days. ⁂ The yaoi production soon resumed, some even still having Grant in the background, either smiling with tears in his eyes, or simply walking away from the reunited couple. Somehow, it didn't bother Tweek and Craig so much anymore. They knew it was just the way things were for them right now, and at the very least, they had become better friends because of it all. Grant, meanwhile, was still looked down on by some for, at least as far as they knew, causing Tweek and Craig so much pain. But many people looked at him better for having given up his own love for Tweek for the sake of Tweek's happiness and love for Craig. None of it was truly right, but it was what it was. And ultimately, things worked out, in a way.

And that’s all she wrote. She being me. This is one of the more cohesive ideas I had for alternate timelines, hence why it’s actually finished.