#HE SAID HE'D STOP THE GAME AND STOP CALLING HER THE GRIM REAPER

[plumbley-bee]

"I'm your friend, I'm supposed to be nice to you."

[nxnoire]

Desiderium

Depression

Fandom: Miraculous Ladybug

part 1 part 3

my second prompt for @badthingshappenbingo

———

Nathalie knocked on Adrien's door, wondering why the teen hadn't left his room yet. Adrien heard the knock, but it didn't register in his mind. It was a sound in the background of the noise in his mind. The tears in his eyes were a trillion times louder than the whisper of the knock.

Plagg nudged him, trying to gain any sort of reaction. "Adrien, you need to get up," he urged.

He looked his the black kwami with a blank expression. Blinking, he stood up and made his way over to the door.

Nathalie opened the door just as Adrien made his way to it. "It's time for school, Adrien."

"I'm staying home. I don't feel well," he said with a hoarse voice. He sniffled and rubbed his eyes, drying the ocean under his eyes.

Nathalie nodded and let him be, shutting the door without a sound. Adrien walked like a zombie back to his bed. He crawled under the warm covers, their calls irresistible in his state.

Plagg flew to his face. "What are you doing?"

"I'm staying home. There's no point in going, anyway."

"But–" Adrien turned over, cutting his kwami off. Plagg sighed, knowing Adrien was in no mood to argue. "Whatever helps you, Adrien."

At school, Marinette was getting overly worried. Adrien never missed school. His immune system was almost impenetrable, and on the off chance he did get sick, he always forced himself to go to school. Whatever he came down with must have been serious if it made him stay home that day.

Nino turned around to face the girls behind him. "Have you guys heard from Adrien?"

"No," both girls replied.

He hummed in thought. "He might be sick then."

"Or maybe he had an early photoshoot today," Alya suggested.

"No, he doesn't," Marinette chimed in. She knew every single photoshoot he would have for the next year, and his next one wasn't until tomorrow. Today was one of his only free days.

Alya couldn't help but smirk. "Oh, it's not on your calendar?"

Her pressing tone made Marinette stutter. "Ah, no-it's not-it's not like that!" Could she being herself to tell her best friends that she kept a calendar of everybody's events so she knew exactly where they were in case of an akuma attack? "I...uh-I never heard him say anything about-about a shrotopoot–I mean photoshoot!"

Nino shook his head with a smile. "I'm sure he just got a cold or something." He turned back around and prepared for class.

Alya smiled and listened as Miss Bustier began her lesson. Marinette followed suit, hoping Adrien was feeling okay.

———

"Adrien, it's time for lunch," Nathalie said, standing in front of the sleeping teen.

Adrien's eyes fluttered open, squinting at the bright sunlight filtering through his windows. He rubbed his eyes and looked at her, blinking to fix his blurry vision. He knew his father wouldn't be there, so what was the point of going? Hunger had abandoned his body, replaced by a comfortable emptiness. Eating was so much work. Why eat when he could just lay there and disappear?

"I'm not hungry," he muttered.

"If you're sick, food will only help you," Nathalie advised.

Arguing with the woman would only end with him losing. He gave in and got up, pausing as the world temporarily faded as blood rushes back to his head. Once the light-headedness stopped, he followed Nathalie to the lonely dining room.

He sat down in his chair in silence. His eyes fell to the meal waiting for him. It disgusted him. Whatever appetite he had left had run off somewhere to play games with the joy that had been exiled from his body. Hesitantly, he picked up his fork and looked at Nathalie, who was looking at her tablet.

She didn't look like his mother. Not one bit. Yet, he was supposed to believe she was mother figure in his life now. She loved him as if he were her son. He was supposed to love her like family as well but–

Tears brimmed at his eyes.

Why was he crying? What had he been crying all morning? He leaned to push through the dark and twisty depression. Was that not enough? Was being happier not enough?

A tear rolled down his cheek. He rubbed it away, trying to hide his sadness.

Why did he feel so horrible? Why couldn't he stop the urge to cry?

The dam he had been holding back for so long finally burst. He dry heaved, causing him to cover his mouth. Quickly, he stood up and ran out of the room, ignoring Nathalie's calls for him.

Tears rained down from his eyes. Without stopping, he ran into his bedroom and into the bathroom, slamming the door shut behind him. He fell back against the door and slid to the ground. Almost like instinct, he brought his knees to his chest and hugged them. In that moment he wished for the warmth his mother would always give him when she would hug him.

He was so touch-starved that it hurt. He missed her so much that it brought him physical pain. A thousand bricks sat upon his chest, but how could he possibly feel anything if there was a gap that replaced his heart?

Plagg stood on the other side of the door, deeply saddened by Adrien's depression. He knew that he couldn't do anything to help Adrien. Adrien needed professional help, but he didn't know how to bring it to him.

Nathalie walked into the empty room, hoping to help Adrien. Plagg noticed and flew into his camembert cabinet quickly. She blinked, thinking she had seen something fly by. Her eyes were just playing tricks on her, she figured. It didn't faze her. She walked over to the door and prepared to knock, but heard sobs erupting from the quiet room.

She stopped.

Adrien wasn't sick. He was in pain.

She knew it was due to his mother's absence. What other reason could it be for? There was now way he found out that Gabriel was Hawkmoth. It was impossible. With all of the precautions both parties took to hide any and all evidence, there was no way anybody should have been able to figure it out.

She knocked on the door. "Adrien..." What was she supposed to say? "I..."

"Go away."

"Adrien, I want to help–"

"I don't care."

Nathalie sighed. "Is it about your mother?" No answer. What else did she expect? "I'm going to talk to your father about this. I hope he will make time to talk to you." She turned and left, knowing very well Gabriel wouldn't be able to make time.

She hoped that Gabriel wouldn't change his mind and take advantage of Adrien's negative emotions. If he did, it would only harm the teen. The emotional effects of being akumatized were familiar to her. Even though she had wanted to be akumatized into Catalyst she felt negatively after she turned back to her regular self. It would be too much for Adrien to handle.

In the bathroom, Adrien leaned his head against the door, feeling worse than before. The tears had finally stopped flowing. Perhaps he had become numb to all of the pain again. For the time being, at least. The same thing would happen over again. He was stuck in an infinite loop of pain and suffering. There was no way to get out. He'd keep drowning in the cold waters, slowly inching towards death until the Grim Reaper finally arrived to take him to a safer place.

To a place with his mother.

Maybe that was the way out.

His thoughts came to a halt. He shook his head, wondering what had just come over him. Did he consider death? There was so much he had to do here. Even if he wanted to go, he couldn't.

But, it'd take all of the burden off his shoulders. Ladybug didn't even need her. She had proven time and time again that she could save Paris without him. Paris would be fine without him. Chat Noir didn't need to be here. Adrien Agreste would be better off disappearing. No more paparazzi. No more attention. No more stress.

His eyes widened. Was he seriously considering death?

No. He didn't want to die. He couldn't permanently leave this place. Even if it's be beneficial to him, he would want to come back to the life he built for himself.

He stood up and looked in the mirror at his disheveled self. For once, his image of perfect had dissolved with the tears. Thank god. He hated being perfect.

Was it possible to disappear for a while? He could run away as Chat Noir, but then he'd have to be on constant guard to maintain his hideout. Ladybug would need his help, and there was no way he could hold himself back from helping her.

There was another knock at the door.

"What do you want?" Adrien asked, his voice hoarse and quiet. He was tired of Nathalie bugging him. He was tired of people.

"Adrien," Gabriel said from behind the door.

Adrien's heart skipped a beat. His father had actually decided to come out his office to come talk to him! For once, his father cared enough to help him. Or did he? He paused, his hand hovering over the doorknob. "Are you here to lecture me again?" Adrien asked, trying not to get his hopes up.

"No. I'm here to talk."

He grabbed the doorknob and opened the door. In front of him was a sad face. Before Adrien could say anything, Gabriel embraced him a hug, something Adrien hadn't received from him in a long time.

Once they broke the hug, they walked over to his couch in silence and sat down. Adrien was hesitant to speak up, but he didn't have to.

"I know you miss her," Gabriel began, "We all do." He sighed sadly. "But we have to keep moving. Because one day, everything will go back to normal."

Adrien looked at him, confused. "How can anything go back to the way it was? She's dead, father."

"Yes, but–" he cut himself off, keeping his secret identity hidden. "Emotionally, we can return to normal."

"I did, and now I'm over here thinking about death!" He exclaimed angrily. His eyes widened. He wasn't one to raise his voice at others, and he hadn't meant to tell his father about that, either.

Gabriel looked at his son, ignoring the heavy statement. His eyes fluttered to the ring on his hand, which he had subconsciously began to toy with. Of course, he had ruled out the theory that Adrien was Chat Noir.

But thinking about it, maybe he was the young hero. The ring was the same. His depression could have been deepened by the weight of being Paris's hero.

Was it the right time to bring the question up? It was one of the only times he'd be able to. But was it really appropriate? His son was hurting and he was supposed to help him. However, if he was Chat Noir, he could get the Miraculous easily. He had to ask now. At least try.

"Adrien, I need to ask you something."

Adrien looked at his father, nodding.

"Are you Chat Noir?"

His stomach dropped to the floor. What was he supposed to say? If he said no, would his father believe him? If he said yes, what would the repercussions be? "I-i, uh...what makes you think that?"

Gabriel motioned to his ring. "The ring on your finger looks a lot like his. Not to mention you two look a bit similar."

Adrien didn't know how to counter that. The ring was the dead giveaway. How could he explain the sudden appearance of it? His father already showed suspicions toward it before. Could he easily shake them off again?

"Son, I wouldn't care if you were." He tried to make it seem as though he were the supportive father. "I would be proud to call myself the father of a superhero." He wouldn't be proud. He'd have been wanting to kill his son for close to two years. He would have been hurting his own son every single day, when the Miraculous was under his nose the entire time.

"Father..." Adrien looked at him and noticed something off about his expression. He inched away from him and hid his hands in his pockets, trying to hide the Miraculous. "Even if I were Chat Noir, I wouldn't be able to tell you. Superheroes have to keep their identities a secret or something like that."

"Wouldn't saying that be a way to hide your identity?"

"No matter what it is, I can't tell you whether I am him or not. Besides, I thought you were here to help me!" He stood up and threw his hands out of his pockets.

"If you aren't Chat Noir, take off your ring."

"No! I'm done talking about him!" He felt tears brimming at his eyes. "I just want to talk about Adrien for once," he muttered.

"Adrien...it's okay." Gabriel stood up and embraced his son in another hug. While holding his son, he looked at the ring, trying to hold himself back from snatching it.

"Why do you care so much about Chat Noir?"

"Because I'm curious, son. I'm worried for you, and need to know everything so I can help you."

Adrien pulled away and stepped back, trying to put distance between him and his father. If his father had evil intentions, he needed to be far away just in case he needed to escape. "I-I-" he stuttered. His eyes caught sight of Plagg, who looked terrified.

Something was wrong. He shouldn't be telling his father anything. For whatever reason, it wasn't safe. Gabriel noticed Adrien's shocked expression and turned to see what he was looking at. His eyes caught sight of a tail disappearing under the blanket of his bed.

A kwami.

He tried to act like he hadn't seen anything, but he knew his expression gave it away.

"I can explain–"

"No, I know what I saw, Adrien."

His heart pounded harder and harder. "How do you know...?"

Gabriel sighed. "I've become well-aquatinted with the Miraculous over my lifetime."

Adrien backed away. Plagg knew. Plagg could sense his father knew something. He should have kept the secret better. Adrien failed. His father wasn't safe, for whatever reason.

Something clicked inside of him. His father had possession of the Miraculous Spellbook. He never left his house. He seemed interested in the ring.

Could his father be– "Hawkmoth?" He muttered in shock, hoping he was wrong.

Gabriel moved closer to his son. "I hope you'll understand, Adrien. Once I get the Miraculous I can bring her back. We can finally live happily once again."

Adrien moved towards his window. "No! If you do that, it'll come with a sacrifice! It's not right! Terrorizing Paris, for what? Bringing a dead person back? She's dead, let her be dead like she should be! Who do you think you are, Frankenstein? You can't just bring people back and expect it to all be so perfect!" He was about to open the window but his father tried to take the ring.

"Give me the Miraculous and everything will be fine!"

"No!" Adrien ran to his bed and grabbed his phone, shoving it in his pocket. "I can't be here. Not with you, Hawkmoth." Tears rolled down his cheeks. "I can't. I have a city to save, and I cant leave them behind."

"Son, just do it."

"Plagg," Adrien muttered, causing the black kwami to fly out of the blanket. "Let's go." Adrien walked towards his door, but Nathalie opened it, shocked to see the scene unfolding in front of her eyes. Adrien backed up a bit, but stopped when he saw his father getting closer to him. "Nathalie, move." She didn't move.

"Plagg, claws out," he muttered, transforming in a bright flash of light.

As he walked away, his father managed to grab his wrist. "Adrien, don't go–"

"Sorry, Adrien isn't available now. You can leave a message for him, if you'd like."

Gabriel scoffed and tried grabbing the ring.

"Cataclysm," Chat muttered, causing Gabriel to stop. "You'll never get my Miraculous." He turned and walked past Nathalie, tears rolling down his cheeks as he left behind the last piece of home he had.