#HSH has a very punchable face

[keisume160]

I'm so sorry Monsta X Fans. I'm so sorry Wonho.

So... The bitch who tried to end my baybee boi TOP is back at her shenanigans again. I swear Han So Hee is such a bitter trouble making thot. I thought I hated her because I was an insane TOP stan, but no. I find her utterly DEPLORABLE. I'll explain later why this chick has me so angry on a personal level. But as for now, it almost 4am my time, I can't sleep, I'm pissed off and I need to rant.

Some guys I don't know also stepped down from their groups, because they either smoked weed, (Drugs is this bitch's MO), had some shit from their pasts, or was connected to Seungri's Burning Sun scandal, very loosely. I think one of them a combination of all 3. I said guys because I remember when I watched Hallyou Back News l recall them talking about another guy stepping down from his group as well, not long ago. Since I'm a bit muddy on the details so I will only talk about TOP and Wonho's involvement with the bitch.

I don't know who Wonho is or Monsta X, but this shit is upsetting. I feel that like VIPs have been taking hit after from the moment of TOP's scandal, now other fans are being hurt by this chick's poison touch. I can't stand the idea of any other fandom hurting like we have hurt. I also feel like this toxic creature in a Korean woman's skin suit worming her way into TOP's inner circle was the catalyst for a lot of things. This chick is obsessed with taking down idols, ruining careers, and hurting people.

Watching videos of girls in their rooms or in their cars breaking down and crying put me back in the mindset of 2017 when TOP had his scandal and overdosed. I don't l know Wonho or his former group, Monsta X, but I know that feeling of loss his fans are going through. She's wounding another person and the fans that love him so much out of spite and bitterness. It angers me so much, because these men are essentially being punished for being successful.

Now it's time for me to get really weird and personal, because maybe someone can take away something positive for my story.

Trigger Warning: Mental health issues, talk of low self-esteem/body image, homelessness, domestic abuse, sexual abuse, self-harm and talk of suicide is going to be discussed. If these are sensitive topics for you then please DO NOT scroll down. The TL;DR version is I related to one girl who was in tears about Wonho leaving Monsta X, because like her K-pop helped me when life was really hard or just too much to deal with which makes me all the more angrier at Han So Hee. Another girl I related to talked about feeling judged for crying over a foreign celebrity she doesn't know. I had a seriously messed up life the past nearly 10 years and when I didn't think I could going K-Pop and close loved ones reminded me of my worth. We've had so many tragedies in the world of K-pop for the past couple years. Gone are the days were we have the luxury of fan bases fighting over which group or idol is better. We really need to support one another, because we never know who will have their career ruined over petty BS, criminal acts, or Dear God forbid 'worse'.

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Back in 2017, if TOP wouldn't have survived I would have immediately left the fandom. The reason is for the longest time I related to him the most. I completely relate to his love and passion for art. I relate to food being the most important thing in life. I relate to his love of wine. I can't drink it much because of my living situation, but I have a gift card for when I move. I relate to his strange but adorable quirks and habits. I plenty of my own. He loves chairs and finds them sexy. I love beds and find them sexy. I related to his mental health problems. I related to his body image issues. I related to how awkward he gets to touching others. I related to how lonely his feels. He hates being lonely, but he 'needs' to be lonely. For someone who's been hurt like him isolation is the easiest way to stay safe. I can understand this, because I'm hiding in my room most days. I tell myself I'm not good enough for love, I'm not nice enough for friends, and I'm not pretty enough for a boyfriend. Marriage and children isn't even a thought anymore because I gave up on it. I accepted being alone for the rest of my life. I hate it. The thought makes me cry, but people and what they are capable of scare me more than dying alone.

If anyone who reads this has gone through my blog you'll come across a couple real life pictures of myself. I'm a plus sized woman so learning someone who is so hot was once a fatty like me was a huge revelation. When I saw his pictures from when I saw Big Boi Tabi my first thought was "If I can get skinny will I be this hot?" Needless to say I completely missed the point back in my mind 20's. His weight loss was because of his determination to do what he loves. Looking back on it Plump Tabi was one of the things that made me like him. He was so cute and cuddly looking back then. He still had that intense anime glare which made me laugh. It was like if Snuggle the fabric softener Bear got married to Sasuke Uchiha, had a baby in Seoul, then raised the baby in the hood so he can be a an edgy anime teddy bear that grew up to be a rapper. Now I want to draw an rapping anime edgelord teddy bear.

I digress, one if the girls I saw crying about Wonho really broke my heart. She talked about how life hasn't been easy for her and how K-pop helped in the dark times. Another girl talked about crying over a K-pop boy you don't know and your loved ones who aren't fans are telling you to just get over it. I relate to all of this completely. Mother and I have been homeless for nearly a decade. We both are severely disabled, and can't work to supplement our income. It sucks because where I live housing is extremely expensive and our disability income isn't enough for market rent. We finally got a means of getting housing, but there's an issue with our credit. We want to be in our own place before Christmas, but life has been awful to us.

Beyond financial and housing issues, back in 2013, 2018 and just a few months ago I was in some very abusive relationships. During those times when I was being treated so badly K-pop and my loved ones being there for me, I would have attempted self-harm or suicide. The ex from 2018 was the worst of the worst. He was a groomer, manipulative, sociopath who verbally abused me, cheated on me, and forced himself on me in my own resistance. I can't even go into the basement where I live to get cleaning supplies or wash my clothes without having a panic attack. I still remember his face afterwards and I feel gross. It wasn't the first time he pushed me into having sex when I didn't want it. There are times I scrub myself in the shower to the point my skin breaks and bleeds, because I don't feel clean anymore. I even had to get the police involved because even after a year later he stalks me in real life and harasses me IRL. My self-worth has tanked because of him and I'm terrified of being touched in a sexual manner ever again because of him.

For some K-pop is a means of escapism, for others it saved their lives. Some just love the music. Others could care about the attractive idols. It's meaning can have as big or as little impact in your life as you want. For me I can say its mix of the first 2. I can be transported to a different world when I listen to it. I also can listen and be creatively impacted. K-pop helps me when I need to draw or write. Thanks to that evil girl another man and fan base is hurting. When what happened to TOP happened I was in such a deep depression no one got it, in fact I was judged for it. It sucks...

In the past couple years we lost idols due to petty drama, criminal acts, or suicide. We no longer can be in our own fan bases fighting each other over who's the best and who we love more. We really need to reach out and give others support, because we never know who's going to leave us next. Especially us as VIPs, because it seems like we're in the middle of a civil war Seungri Stans VS everyone else. To quote Filthy Frank, IT'S TIME TO STOP!!! We all know 2019 sucked ass for K-pop fans. Fighting each other only makes us lose focus of the outside forces attacking our baybees. I don't know what else to say. I've been feeling this way for a while and the more history repeats itself, the more I get upset. I really hate Han So Hee. I think she is a toxic disruptive force that dismantles careers, because she doesn't have one. She is the antithesis of a jealous scumbag.

I'm so sorry it took so long to post. I was typing this around a quarter to 4am, now it after 8am. I dozed off twice while typing. I know, I'mma boomer.