High Logs #1
I fucking ate a nug of weed so i could het my angel bites pierced and not di e and i was a lil high ajdni just got my secon d winf and i am sugfering i wanna start doing high logs. I want to relive how i think and feel and act and when im like this
Everyrhing feels differient and i tried drqwinf but i have no mticatuj and the idea i nerd
Im numb
Im cold
In lonely
I deed help
I need my frienda and erika osnt evnough
I have to have constant validation anf i cant let myself admit it to anyone without feeling like totally shit
I miss cass.
I want to believe we’ll get back together but i can’t believe that she onlu dumps me cause of their work and their friend dying It could be but self doubt always comes back and kills me. Its cause she doesnt like me She thinks im fat and loud and annoying and shes be right in saying so But im in no place o incalidate her feelins when it comes to this I cant make her stay with me But i think she’s great And i miss her My face hurts My heart hurts I dont want to leave erika but i have to leave They say i can stay if i need to but i know theu want me out. I can feel it and i count the days til i leave but erika only has me and chris and with me gone and chris not around t hsy often ill feep like shit Sshes trying ro het a job ans is willing to live with me hut id i live ’ th her ill feel even more out of the liop with my friends I already am feeling ifjored when ibdont get messages all day and i cling to whateber i cant when ’ do get a nessagw I Wish i didn’t exbust I wish i was deas I widh i could talk to someone about thusbthat wasnt a therapist I dont like therapists They dont like me I wish i could go to a locked unite and stoll have people waiting formme when i camemiut I want to die I want to disappear and knoe i cant withour regretting leaving my friends behind and i cant handle knowing they wont even miss me
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