#HaShem Grant Me The Patience;

[better-latke-than-never]

Elul 19- Speak

After a wonderful Shabbat yesterday, I am feeling extremely motivated to speak to Hashem, and to be ready to listen.

Readjusting to long distance in my personal life has been difficult. It requires so much more communication, patience and love. And that has me thinking about my relationship with Hashem. If a thousand miles is a hard distance to overcome, how much harder is it to maintain a relationship with Hashem. Especially as I get busier, it is easy to take my interpersonal relationships for granted and focus on my own needs and wants. I often forget that a healthy relationship involves not only speaking, but also listening and waiting for a response.

And yet, every Shabbat, we get a chance to rest, to be truly still, and hear Hashem calling us. This semester, this New Year, I am going to try to make more time for my relationships. I am going to make more time for the people in my life that matter an for Hashem, who sustains us all.

In that vein, I hope to be more mindful of my speech. I hope to one day reach a point where all of my speech is kind, necessary and helpful. I am sick of speaking lashon hara about people, I am sick of swearing and allowing myself to get caught up in the moment. How can I see the good in someone when I am busy saying bad, when my soul is harboring angry rude things. I regret the vileness as soon as it is out of my mouth, but by then it is too late. I have definitely seen progress recently, but I can, should and must do better to support and encourage those around me in thought, speech and deed.

May I learn to guard my tongue from deceitful speech and may my soul be calm and kind to those around me.

[convertsjourney]

Something a little transformational happened in my history exam yesterday!

A week ago, during a language exam, I put a message of wanting and asking into the world - a "Please let me do well on this exam, please don't make it too difficult." Even in the moment that felt wrong, to ask for something so directly, to ask for something that I could have had control over by studying, assking for something so banal and unecessary, if that makes sense.

This time, I put my feet flat on the ground, took a deep breath, and thought: thank you. I tapped into a sense of gratitude for the fact that I'm taking this exam, that I'm receiving such a vibrant and interesting education. I felt thankful to be able to express my thoughts and knowledge in this paper, and grateful to have the luxury of being stressed over a college exam. It gave me a tremendous sense of calm and a feeling of capability in a way I don't often experience, and I think I have a shot at a good grade.

I just wanted to put this experience in words because I've been thinking about this for a while and trying to apply this mentality to my life and my thoughts. Instead of asking for patience, I am thankful for the patience HaShem has already granted me. Instead of asking for more, I want to be grateful for everything that I have. I've heard these words a thousand times but it's only recently that they've started to sink in.