#Had to spend time with my partner's fatphobic family

[featheredadora]

[sexycraisinthanos]

We need to stop making “good movies” with billion dollar budgets and end up being remakes or just shitty cash grabs or just plain boring to watch and go back to bad movies with the budget of $7, but are fun to watch and you can tell that everyone involved had a great time making them

Like, the most popular example, Endgame. Budget of $350 million. Mediocre at best. (I personally enjoyed the 2012 segment but the rest of it was a letdown) It was the finale of one of the most popular franchises in modern media. And it ended with: Killing off Iron Man in the WORST POSSIBLE WAY (AFTER he had already had a family and settled down), retiring Captain America, entirely out of character, killed off the only female Avenger in the same way that they killed off the only female Guardian in the previous movie, before her movie could even get made. The ending was so hyped that the Russos were worried that people would share the ending, which if the entire movie can be ruined by spoiling the ending, then it’s a shitty ending. They don’t care about the characters they were given. It’s just hot trash. Sure, the effects were nice and I’m in love with Big Lebowski Thor (WHICH they refused to advertise in ANY of the promos. Either because they were afraid of spoilers or because they’re fatphobic and even after the movie was released, we still don’t have SHIT for him besides three Funko Pops and I’m going to die on this hill mad about it), and we got to see some nice banter between the characters. But if you asked me, who saw it THREE TIMES, anything that happened in it, I wouldn’t be able to tell you off the top of my head. Nothing was memorable about it. Maybe Steve holding Mjolnir. And everything Thor did in the movie. But plotwise? Nothing. It’s just a fart in the wind. 

On the other hand, I recently watched the Chromeskull movies (called Laid to Rest, but the second one is called Chromeskull: Laid to Rest 2) They were obviously low budget and the movie had such a limited run that I can’t even find out what the budget was. But the movie was FUN. You cared about every character. They weren’t really realistic characters, but they were fun. They were GOOD characters. They were competent. The villain (Chromeskull) wasn’t some supernatural killer like Jason. He wasn’t a behemoth like Michael. (Even though he’s 6′7″). He went down easily. He got hurt. A lot. It was nice to see a slasher villain get hurt and STILL end up being scary. Even in the sequel you find out that he’s got everyone wrapped around his fingers. He has his own private cult of people. And the practical effects were SO GOOD. Like it was brutal. But it wasn’t over the top, which is rare for a slasher. The cherry on top of it all? The movie is fucking INSANE. The basis is this guy in a skull mask is trying to hunt this girl down who woke up in a funeral home with amnesia. He spends all the movie chasing her down and killing all the people she was with. Just to get to her. AND THEN THE MOVIE ENDS WITH HER BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF HIM. The movie had its flaws, as all movies do. I can’t think of a movie that didn’t have any flaws. Like the weapons he had for killing didn’t exactly match up to the kind of damage he actually DID. Also the reveal of the girl’s true identity was kind of a letdown. I was hoping she was like his partner in crime or something and he was just trying to get her back. And that’s just the FIRST movie. The second one is EVEN MORE BATSHIT. 

just give us more movies that are fun

[wannabanauthor]

Seven Shades of Shit Book Review with Caitlyn Lynch: Chapter 6 Part 1

Hello everybody, and once again I’m reviewing Cassandra Dee’s Seven Brothers of Sin.  It’s a horrible book so far, and I expect Chapter 6 to answer the question “Can this get any worse?”

Don’t forget to check out the lovely @caitlynlynch review as well!  She is my partner in suffering at the moment.  Her review will be linked here!

Here is the link to the masterpost.

Now onto the horror show…wait, I need some chocolate pie before I attempt to read this garbage.

This chapter is from Macy’s POV, and apparently she needs to recap everything.

I’m going to caption this as “Last Time on Seven Brothers of Sin…”

They’re probably drugging you, Macy.  You should stay away from them.  They’re weird as fuck.

This is a classic example of Plot Convenience, and it’s asking the readers for an unusually high Suspension of Disbelief threshold.

I’ve read taboo/pseudo-incest erotica that didn’t sound this creepy.  You think I might be exaggerating, but I’m not.  This author’s writing really is that bad.

I’d like to remind you of Caitlyn’s first chapter review where she mentions the possible child molestation that took place when the Morgan’s brothers played doctor with Macy 10 years ago when she was 8 years old.

I’d like to also reiterate that the taboo erotica I’ve read never ever mentions a sexual or romantic relationship/interest between the man and the woman before she was of legal age. Think about that for a moment. Erotica centering on step-family members fucking each other has better morals then a non-taboo erotic book.  How’s that for a comparison?

Unless you’re actually a diagnosed sex-addict, you are not addicted to your vibrator.  A lot of teenage girls masturbate, look at porn, and read romance novels.  However, that should not be mentioned or referred to in this book since she was underage at the time it happened.  If anything, the author could have focused on her playing with herself and everything when she was at college.

Bitch, Smith just touched you down there.  You have six guys panting over you, and I guarantee you that men do not care about “how much flesh” is down there.  They just want to fuck you.  If that means they got to spread their fingers apart a little wider to pave the way, they don’t give a fuck.  Pussy is pussy.

When did Macy make out with them?  I don’t remember any kissing.  You can’t be a slut without having sex.  If you’re using a vibrator internally, then your hymen is not intact.  One time I wrote a virgin character, and in order for her have a hymen, I made sure to mention that she didn’t finger herself or use tampons.  But I’m just extra like that.

And when was Matt’s tongue on you?  Continuity errors or I was just that drunk?

People have hang ups over food?  No shit, Sherlock.  Have you seen how the media pushes fatphobia to the point where parents will starve their growing kids just so they can be thin?  Vegans care about animal rights and the negative effects of eating meat on the environment.  Noble goal when they aren’t being classist, racist, fatphobic, and a whole bunch of other shit.  Other people have dietary restrictions.  Some just want to live a healthy lifestyle, and others have eating disorders.  Fuck you for shitting on anyone’s diet and being dismissive about the real reasons behind it.

I’m sitting here trying to collect my thoughts to respond to this false rhetoric calmly, but fuck that. I give zero fucks anymore.

Macy, you’re not dumb or insignificant for taking pleasure in small things.  You are dumb for a whole other list of reasons that I don’t care to get into right now.  Feminists want equality, especially for women who like to do traditional “feminine” things. They want it to be a choice, not a requirement.

Macy, I’m going to stop you right there at “big careers”.  Even my sorority sisters who are working for TV channels, our alma mater, famous companies, and or in government don’t have big and glamourous careers yet.  Only the older ones who graduated a decade ago come close to that.  If it makes you feel better, I don’t you being a tax expert, lawyer, or grad student. Your stupidity would cause someone to be audited, thrown in jail, pay a huge fine, or take up a valuable spot in a graduate program.

White privilege is calling your parents by their first name and not getting knocked the fuck out.

While I could go on a rant about her white privilege, I could also use this time to point out how utterly stupid she is.  Does she think that everyone working a cubicle job wants to be there?  No, a lot of them have bills to pay, so they do it anyway.  A lot of them are also smart and work on their passion in their free time so that they can build up enough experience to eventually transition into doing their passion as a full-time job.

But then again, white privilege plays into this.  It doesn’t even occur to her that she can do both.  Every person of color is taught from birth that they need to have a side hustle for extra money or as a backup plan.  I am one of the rare fortunate ones that has a day job that I love, and I get to be an independent author in my spare time.  I am living proof that you can do both.  My black coworkers at my current and former job all have businesses or side hustles.  One of my former coworkers has a full-time job and ten companies that she runs.

Of course, Macy is too stupid to figure this out because she thinks she deserves to have everything fall into her lap at her convenience while the rest of us work our asses off so that we can survive and do what we love.

You’re going to be a fucking awful chef and cookbook author if that’s the case.  Creating recipes requires equations, problem solving, presentations, and effective communication.  And the kitchens in America are notorious for the verbal abuse that the cooking staff face.  Even when I took a cooking class, the professor was blunt but honest.  You don’t have the buoys to work in a kitchen.  It’s not all fairy dust and daydreams.

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! She wants to self-publish, but she can’t problem solve or make presentations?  Oh man, that is a disaster waiting to happen. Self-publishing is not easy. Anyone can write a book and publish it, but in order to be successful you have to research and study your ass off to actually sell your books.  If they don’t sell, you have to analyze the situation and problem solve for a solution.

Keep this dumb bitch away from the kitchen.  The following information took me five seconds to find:

Don’t use runny cheese on pizza, you fuckwit!

Is the virgin slut slut-shaming other women?  Who would want the perfect resume?  Who would want to drink and sleep around?  She must be new here because that’s exactly what people tend to do to relieve stress.

You just made soggy pizza, you dipshit, so your comparison is correct.  You’re not going to know what you’re doing, and you’re going to fuck it all up.

While her mom is right about the education and job part, she is also a humongous snobby privileged white bitch who just insulted every single cook and chef in existence.  Well, if the bitch hates people who cook so much, she should just stop eating and save them the time.

Head, meet desk, please.  Repeatedly.

Oh honey, you think you’ll start out at a high-class restaurant?  You can’t do math, problem solve, or take criticism.  All it takes is for one uppity rich white woman to complain about your food, and you’ll be fired for your incompetency.  Well, after you finish crying your eyes out in front of everyone.

Macy, everyone knows what rushing is.  I’ve been on the sorority side of it, and trust me, it’s a learning experience. You learn how to conduct two-way interviews, evaluate candidates, sell people an experience, and you end up networking with some of the women.  If your dream is to be a celebrity chef, joining a sorority is the way to go. Once you pay your dues, you get instant access to thousands of women in every industry imaginable.  You get an entire network of women willing to help you just because you joined an organization.  Make fun all you want, but rushing is essentially convincing hundreds of young women to spend thousands of dollars per semester on an experience that has lifelong benefits.  Sounds like the thing you need to do what you want to do.

I’m with Martha on this one.

You are as dumb as people think.  You can go to culinary school after you graduate from college and get a job.  Trade schools usually have a few class you can take during outside of 9-5.

You really are fucking clueless if you want a baby at eighteen even though you have no desire to go get a degree or get a monotonous job that pays the bills.

And where did this desire for a baby come from?  You know what’s even harder than a college education and a boring job?  A baby!

Sorry to burst your bubble, but breastfeeding can be very painful and frustrating.  It’s one of those things they don’t usually tell women until after they’ve given birth.  Or at least that’s what they do in the States.  If you don’t believe me, go look at Chrissy Tiegen’s tweet after she gave birth when she said “they didn’t tell me that I’d be going home in a diaper too”.

Breastfeeding can be so difficult that lactation consultants exist.  Sometimes the babies just don’t latch or just don’t want a nipple. My friend had trouble breastfeeding her first kid, but her second kid was a natural with breastfeeding.  Then there’s the leaking milk, pumping milk, not producing enough milk.  You need to study all this stuff before you have a kid.

Don’t kid yourself. You’re not smart enough to become a CEO.

This is exactly why you shouldn’t have a fucking baby!  Even Domo Wilson waited until she was financially stable to get inseminated, and she had been wanting a child since she was a kid herself.  She talked herself out of intentionally becoming a teen mom because she wanted to wait until she could actually provide for the child. She’s a lesbian too, so she had to pay some serious money for the entire insemination process.

You don’t know jack shit about any of those things, so you’re already off to a bad start.

(Tumblr is refusing to post all the photos, so this is a two-parter)