#I AM SO SELF CONSCIOUS ABOUT MY WRITING. and in particular this bc its incredibly stylized and different than my usual work

[godfreygwilym]

ITS UUUUUUUUUUP OH MY FUCKING GOD ITS UP

[steponmepinkjun]

Sara I hope you dont mind me dropping this kind of ask, I just dont have anyone to talk abt this topic in particular and i have seen you open up about being neurodivergent multiple times.

All this time I believe that im neurotypical and always have to progress through life the way neurotypical people do, but from like 2 years ago i'm starting to question if i really am one bcs when I read about neurodivergency I slowly began to see myself in the description. How does one get um.. Diagnosed? I feel like theres sth abt myself that i havent figured out yet and I just want to know and love myself better.

Also forgive me for not being articulate enough, this is something im working out on.

Okay so I am obviously not a doctor or expert on neurodivergency, but I've gleaned a bit of knowledge from the nearly three decades I've spent being ND. So heres my advise.

First, I would begin with identifying why you'd like to seek an official diagnosis. Depending on what it is you're trying to diagnose, there are advantages and disadvantages.

Officially being diagnosed with ADHD gave me a sense of understanding I never had, gave a name to the symptoms that had been, quite honestly, ruining my life, and most importantly gave me access to the medication that completely turned my life around and made me a functioning human being. Even though I was diagnosed late in life (ie after school/developing years), I was still very lucky—my psychiatrist saw what the six previous ones I'd seen didn't. Before that, I was in treatment for depression and anxiety since age 11, had seen 13 therapists, and been on over 15 medications, to no avail. I'm lucky because a lot of obtaining a diagnosis for ADHD relies on self-reporting and reports from your parents—which is fucking stupid considering adhd is genetic, so my adhd parent probably isn't going to see my behavior as abnormal, IF they can even remember my behavior or payed attention to it. Despite those things, I was able to finally get diagnosed at age 22, and it changed my life. However, despite the fact that I suspected since I was a teenager that I might be on the autism spectrum (my brother, father, and several members of his family are), I made the conscious decision not to seek an official diagnosis. The medical community at large is incredibly ignorant and biased in regards to diagnosing autism in women, getting a diagnosis is ridiculously expensive, and unfortunately where I live an autism diagnosis can put you at significant disadvantage in the court system (it's often used as proof that an individual isn't mentally competent enough to do things like stand trial or be given sole custody of their own children, among other things). Plus, autism itself isn't treatable, so in my eyes I saw no benefit to getting a piece of paper telling me what I already knew. That's a personal choice that no one can judge another for—your reasons for seeking diagnosis are entirely valid whatever they are, and you owe an explanation to no one. I only wish to point out that not all diagnosis carry the same cost/benefit.

Getting a diagnosis can be a huge uphill battle, and it usually takes stamina and mental fortitude to get there. But everyone needs and deserves to have a community, a sense of understanding, and a support network, and wanting that alone is a more than valid reason to pursue a diagnosis.

So here's what I'd do. Get yourself in to see a psychiatrist (a therapist will do IF they have the training to diagnose, not all do), and do some research beforehand. Things as simple as googling "I think I might have/be (insert neurodivergent term here, for me this would be ADHD or autistic)" can give you some good starting points for what traits/symptoms are common. And as you're doing your research, take notes! If you see something jump out at you that you super relate to or that puts a feeling you've always had into words, write it down, copy the phrase, include things like how often you feel that way and what age you were when you began experiencing that. If there are ND behaviors that your immediate family share, that is very relevant, and actually gives a lot of context as to if something is a ND trait, trauma response, or shared personality quirk. Bring those notes with you to your appointment, reference them, and take notes of your own with the Dr's feedback. If you feel like you're being dismissed, tell them that, if you feel dissatisfied with their assessment, say so, and ask what your options are going forward. You probably won't walk away with a solid answer in just one day, but it's a good place to start.

It usually doesn't hurt to seek out community online, either, provided you take it all with a grain of salt—I've found that doctors tend to minimize symptoms, while peers online tend to maximize them. Ie, the way ND tiktok has become a slew of "do you breathe oxygen? Here's why that might be a sign you have adhd" type vids. Get second and third and fourth opinions before you take something to heart, you know?

And (even though this may go without saying), while I am no doctor, I have amassed more knowledge of my own disorders (as well as cptsd, ho lawdy its a fuckin doozy) than perhaps any one person should, so if you're at all in my vein or neurodivergency then please feel free to reach out to me directly, I'm always open to offering advise or a friendly ear or a sounding board for thoughts and ideas.

[capseycartwright]

i kind of hesitated to post this, bc i am striving to make my blog just a happy ol’ aaron and rob place for my own sanity at the moment, but its something thats been playing on my mind a lot, and i feel it would be valuable to have a conversation about it - i would find it valuable anyway, because it’s a topic i am constantly re-educating myself on, and have learned a lot about even in the past week alone. 

i have like, a lot of thoughts(tm) about wording when it comes to online fandom as a whole, and i’ve been wanting to write a post about it for a long time, but i always struggle to put it together in a manner that feels cohesive, and coherent. i’ve been in fandom, in one way or anything, for the best part of eight years now (good god) and both in fandom, and in real life, i feel like it’s always important to be conscious of words, and how you word things, because oftentimes its easy to accidentally feed into negative, or harmful stereotypes. it’s something i do myself, and something i have to constantly check myself on, and reassess, and i think it’s a really important thing to do. one of my very favourite sayings is that words matter, how you express things does really matter, especially on a platform where you are essentially posting for other people to read. it’s impossible to be conscious of every possible negative stereotype you could ever feed into, because we all approach life from a different perspective, and with different values, but it’s for sure important to be open to conversation on why particular things may feed into harmful stereotypes.

i bring this up because of a lot of the posts around why referring to alex as creepy is feeding in a harmful stereotype around gay men (which i wasn’t aware of, so i am grateful for those who have brought it up and educated me on this issue) have brought all these thoughts to the forefront of my mind again. as a fandom, i think we do incredible things regarding reflections of social justice in the show we watch - as a bisexual person, i have never felt more accepted, or supported in a fandom before, and it’s because everyone is so incredibly passionate about bisexuality and i’ve learned so much from so many people in fandom in the past year regarding the rep of bi people on tv. i’ve made no secret of the fact i’ve not been out for very long (#babygay) and so i am always grateful for opportunities for those with more knowledge and experience to help me grow as a consumer of media whereby the focus is on a bisexual character. i have also learned literal buckets from @lesfemmesdangereuses on lesphobia (thank u kate i love you) and @littleatticboy who’ve both always been so open to conversation with my unaware self (sorry for tagging u guys but i love you accept it.) anyways, the point of that big old rant is i really do hope we can continue to be open to these kinds of conversations around stereotypes, and so on (and i hope you don’t mind me tagging you, @robertjacobsugdens) but alex always makes wonderfully concise posts about various issues that crop up in fandom and i appreciate you a lot for that alex, because in a year in this fandom, i feel like i have a far better understanding of so many issues regarding lgbt characters, characters of colour (@wycombewanderer you are a queen thank you), and so on.

tumblr culture can be weird. i think sometimes good intentions are lost because of mis-wording, or vague posting, which i am really not a fan of (and i know back in march/april i certainly fed into that weird atmosphere of vague posting, rather than open conversation, and for that i can only say i am sorry, and i have grown and become more aware of more positive ways to approach issues within fandom) and i guess i just hope that legitimate conversation on possibly harmful stereotypes perpetuated by both fandom, and emmerdale itself can always continue. i know it’s not an essential part of fandom for everyone, and it doesn’t have to be, i know this is a form of escapism for all of us in different ways, and in so many ways i am a product of what i study (politics nut right here, love me a bit of discourse and a cup of tea) but like i said, i like that we can talk about these things if we want to, because its only ever helped to shape my view of social justice in a more positive way. compared to other fandoms i have been apart of, there has always been room for open conversation with so many incredible people within this fandom, and i appreciate that more than i think i can describe.

anyways none of this makes sense but i wanted to post this nonetheless because like i said, it’s been playing on my mind recently, and i have never been one to censor myself, and i don’t want to begin doing that now. okay cool please tell me your thoughts on this if you’re interested friends!