#I Cut My Teeth on Secondhand Sentiments || Character info

[nostomannia]

Ive been letting sol be too cute so here's something about her!

Sols response to fear and pain is to lash out. There's been many occasions where maybe she talked to Deity or gotten a particularly painful injury, which has led to an object getting broken or dents in the wall. She's not afraid. She's not hurting! Look how she knocked that trashcan over, wym fear?

[nostomannia]

Sol is really just stuck in a hopeless cycle. At one point I'd say Sol could eventually snap and just completely shatter as a person, but the reality of it all is she already has. Multiple times.

She doesn't even get the ability to stop caring at some point and just go completely numb. Every death is just dragging new memories and new feelings into her head. A new conscience. She can't stop caring because someone else's love and heartache is in her head.

[nostomannia]

Sol does not like showing her negative side. If she can, she smiles it away. Nobody has to know about her troubles. She'll silently suffocate.

[nostomannia]

Sol having any intensely bad mood swings or just in general Feeling Bad, she just goes right into isolation mode and locks herself away from the world.

Trying to talk to her like that just gets a lot of hostility. Trying to push her, she pretty much becomes a petulant child, she will slam doors in people's faces and flat out ignore their existences

[nostomannia]

I may as well talk about Sol's familiars in the Fae Court verse because there is some changes

The first familiar, as gifted by Hriob, is a songbird known also as the "Butcher Bird," a southern white-crowned shrike. It's known for taking prey like bugs, lizards, snakes, and even other birds, and impaling ithem on thorns, barbs, and branches.

The specific bird that is gifted to Solita, that she ends up naming Briar, is a bit different than a normal shrike, though. He's descended from a phoenix, so he's somewhat magical in nature and even different in appearance from a normal shrike. Bigger, longer tailfeathers, and brighter in color. If he were to die, he would revive in the same manner a phoenix does.

Briar is a very chipper bird. Mischievous, curious, sociable, and maybe a touch sadistic. He likes to be affectionate and will often perch on people to preen their hair. And sometimes pluck hairs to help build a nest, depending on the time of year.

Since white-crowned shrikes are highly sociable, Solita often has to care for a small flock, usually only consisting of 3-6 birds, along with Briar. They may also help with tasks and delivering small items for Solita, helping with her job as the court stewardess.

The second is one that people are probably familiar with, it's the horse from her fantasy traveler verse, Sombra.

Seven feet in height, and incredibly heavy to boot. He's a bit too much for Sol to handle sometimes, with as much of a size difference as there is.

He's got a dark coat- not purely black but a deep dark shade of brown. Outside of scars from abuse by his previous owners, and scars made from getting into fights with other horses or animals, he's notably cared for. Well-groomed and glossy coat, and nicely kept mane and tail.

Sombra is big, mean, and stubborn to boot. Even if he trusts Sol and was essentially re-trained by her hand, there's times she struggles to get him to listen. But he's also unyieldingly loyal to Solita.

Rather territorial of his space, and of his person. Get too close and he will bite. Have Solita's attention, and he will make an attempt to bite. He will also bite Sol too if he's looking for attention or plainly just in a bad mood.

Very food-motivated. If you wish to make friends with him, offer him tasty goodies like fruits, sugar, or sweet veggies. He'll slowly start to warm up.

Sombra is Solita's choice of mount. No matter if he is sometimes troublesome to handle, Solita can't help her own sense of comradery with the horse. She would never abandon him or choose something easier for her own convenience over Sombra.

And I made a size chart roughly compared to Solita:

[nostomannia]

I'm thinking about Solita and Deity's relationship in a lot of ways.

I'm thinking about Deity in a lot of ways.

Deity is a force of nature forced into form. They are everything, used to seeing and feeling everything. In their true form, all living things are basically ants. The world, the multiverse, is an ant farm.

And then there's Solita.

Forced to be the errand girl for that force of nature. Shouldering responsibilities well beyond her means, and punished harshly for not meeting them. Deity can't do anything on their own. Solita has facilitated the means to have basically an infinite supply of manpower without the need to make deals.

And I have to reiterate this: Deity's end goal is not evil. Their treatment of Solita is.

Deity is a shattered god, a shattered force, that makes up reality itself. One of very few pillars that holds up the multiverse. Naturally, it has some instabilities, and naturally, Deity wants to return to their true self so that everything they, and the other pillars that hold up reality, worked to make isn't gone.

The situation isn't as simple as saving Solita. There's the consideration of something breaking down if Deity doesn't return to themselves soon enough.

The needs of one vs the needs of many.

And Solita is aware of this. Solita knows the circumstances that she's under with Deity. She knows exactly why her hands are covered in blood.

[nostomannia]

I just wanna talk about what's different between normal Sol and Abandoned!Sol

Normally Solita is well-groomed. While maybe a little wild and unruly, she's never unkempt. In some ways, she can be a bit obsessive over her own hygiene and looks. She takes a lot of steps to make sure her hair looks and stays healthy, and that her curls stay. Always smiling, always confident, always energetic. Literally does not shut up.

Abandoned? Basically, any form of self-care is thrown to the wayside. Her hair, which is burned from lots of uses with bleach and hair dye, has a dry and strawlike texture, and her curls become loose waves and her hair incredibly frizzy. No more makeup, her face is always rather puffy from crying, her face irritated from how often tears are coming down. Covered in dirt, probably hasn't changed her clothes in a hot minute, walked her shoes to death and never invested in any other foot covers. Utterly silent; she can't find herself able to speak even if she wanted to. Avoidant, paranoid, and diffident. Unsmiling and near expressionless. A pale waif of who Solita used to be.

[nostomannia]

Currently thinking about how Sol's theme can boil down to "You can't save someone who doesn't want to be saved."

I wouldn't say Solita doesn't understand how bad her relationship with Deity is. She fully knows how codependent it is. She understands there is an extreme power difference between them, and that Deity uses it over her.

But she also has the good memories. Deity is her parent- they've raised her since her pre-teen years. They show effort in helping her out of her fumbles or reminding her of simple life things. It seems so good to her, because of how godawful bad everything else is.

The point is- If you want to break Sol away from Deity, she has to want to be saved. Without that, Solita will never truly be free of Deity.

[nostomannia]

Headcanon Meme || @despairforme

[ ❤- What does your muse look forwards on their soulmate? ]

Solita doesn't really have a belief in soulmates. She's lived too long to believe too much in love at all.

If she were to look for something in a soulmate, it's probably being long-lived. Someone immortal, or someone who has an extremely long lifespan.

[nostomannia]

My brain has so intensely latched to Sols abandoned verse. I really need to finish the drabble for Solitas canon ending, then maybe I'll write an alternate version.

But Solitas abandoned verse is basically the bad end. The worst thing, her fears coming true. Solita gets abandoned, and Deity leaves without even giving Solita the dignity of keeping their one and only promise to her. To be by her side as long as she helps them.

Solita is so attached to them. To be left to live a life knowing that they turned their back on her, discarding her like a ragged doll? That's a fate worse than her canon ending. It's a fate worse than death by the one who she worships above all else.

Being abandoned, Solita just. Shuts down. Near unresponsive to everything. Barely expressive. Just numb. If someone shows her even a little kindness she may start following them like a lost duckling. Sol stops being able to function by herself, and has severe separation anxiety. She has a lot of nightmares on top of all of that.

Abandoned Sol is alive, but not living.

[nostomannia]

I made a rough idea of what Solita's living space looks like in the Fae Court. I'm pretty happy, especially with the walk-in closet/storage space.

I didn't know what to do with the second small room, so I just slapped down some plants and a "nectar" thing. Partially, a joke that Sol's secretly brewing alcohol for herself to get around being mostly-banned from Hriob's brews, and also a little bit of a garden and storage space for pigments for hand-made paints.

[nostomannia]

Genshin 4.2 spoilers

Okay but genuinely Fur.ina gives a lot of thought for Solita.

Just. Being a liar and a performer to the very end, someone stretched well beyond their means trying their hardest to keep up the show.

Just like Fur.ina, Solita still has a human mind. She's forced to play along in some sadistic play for Deity, and the responsibility of a good portion of the multiverse on her shoulders.

Having to be someone else in front of an audience, being exhausted with playing up a mask. Being so lonely because of having to continually lie, and hide what's really going on. Silently begging for a moment of release. A moment to not have to be what isn't herself.

But I can imagine Solita's inner mind being a stage too. As a theatre kid and someone who already likes performing, but also just. Feeling like her life's a stage and needing to cater to what people expect from her.

Heck, even these lines are pretty in-line with Solita and Deity's dynamic. Solita is flawed, emotional, and painfully human. And those flaws are exactly what make Sol perfect to Deity? Just like another series i take inspo from:

But even if Deity loves her, they still bound her to them. She's trapped to live as long as they have a need for her.

Even when someone tries to get past her guarded secrets and see what it's like when the spotlights aren't on her anymore, she still fights back.

A song without a voice.

Idk the vibes of Fu.rina and Foc.alors gives Sol and Deity in some ways. Not exactly the same, but it's certainly enough to make me think.

Deity and Solita's relationship is much more close. Like Fur.ina only knows Foc.alors as "mirror-me" vs Sol viewing Deity as a parent and all that.

But it certainly gives me thoughts.

[nostomannia]

Oh yeah sol and popularity. Sol does not want to be in the spotlight. Just because of her deal with Deity she doesn't want to be some kind of household name, where people know her face. For as much of a social butterfly as she is, the last thing she wants is to be a celebrity.

It's why I don't particularly talk about Sol with a music career? Typically, it's easier being a faceless artist, especially a painter. Even if she loves doing live performances and things, she just can't afford that attention.

[nostomannia]

Thinking about solita and her morality right now.

Sol is 100% a chaotic neutral, but generally, she tends to lean more on the "good" side of that? She'll be more likely to side with the underdog if she knows she can tip the scale. But she will also play both sides and watch how things play out before she really picks a side.

Generally speaking, she will side with "good" people because she knows she can more easily trust them and earn their trust. Big people who go after little guys have a habit of putting knives in people when they aren't looking, in her opinion.

Typically, those are the kinds of people she can rely on to vouch for her if she's under suspicion. On top of her usually being quite the social butterfly and an all-around friendly person on the outside, it works as a defense for herself. Solita? A bad person? It sounds like she was just in the wrong place. She's not capable of that!

Sol does have a little voice in her head that pushes her to give justice to people. It's something she's never quite been able to shake. Even after all the time she's spent with Deity. Maybe her time with Deity is why it hasn't faded. Alleviating some of the unfairness she sees, helping victims, helps her grapple with the unfairness in her own situation just a little.

Kids especially can influence her moral choices. People who go after kids instantly end up on her shitlist.

She will kill people if provoked or in self-defense. Nor is she against skewering someone if they push her buttons too much or otherwise end up on her shitlist. Sol doesn't like needless death, though that's more out of a case of its needless expenditure of time and energy.

Of course, there are people on Deitys list she has to hunt down, but that's a different can of worms. She disconnects herself from those people and does her best to convince herself that oh, they got involved with Deity they're terrible people. They're like her. Just terrible, manipulative people.

[nostomannia]

It's kinda funny.

I talk about how I don't want people to misunderstand Solita as a character. There's no easy answer to her. Where do the sins of an abuser end and the sins of the victim begin? There's no simple path forward. You can't just separate Solita from Deity, there's a long, convoluted path she has to walk to be able to walk away.

But Solita is also meant to be misunderstood. She's purposely misleading. She's a habitual liar, and not even honest to anyone, not even herself. She's confusing and unpredictable, and shapes herself to what others want her to be. A friend, an enemy, or anything in between. She's approachable and yet unreachable. An actress in life.

[nostomannia]

Solita's knowledge of plants is surprisingly robust, though it's not for medicinal reasons. She studied plants for making pigments, actually. Handmaking paints is something she enjoys doing, it's just a side effect of learning about plants, she learned a lot about the possible medicinal uses. Since drying out and grinding things into a fine powder may sometimes end up disastrous without it.