#I LOVE GUYS WHO ARE BISEXUAL AND HAVE CAT EARS AND A LITTLE TUMMY!!!! <- IF THIS IS U DM ME

[undeadkyart]

<- guy who cried over the route of a love interest named nakedtoaster

[fandomsoverlife]

A lot to unpack (Vanya Hargreeves x reader)

I strayed a little from the original ask (Hey, could you write something for fem!reader x vanya? Reader meets the rest of the fam and she’s super nervous but ends up with having a lot of fun? Thank you!) by making Vanya the nervous one.

Anyway, word count: 1562. Summary, fem!reader (lesbian/bi/pan, it’s not precisely mentioned) meets the umbrella academy while her GF Vanya is out of the house. Theres mild fluff and the reader being a protective girlfriend. Warnings: mentions of the word homophobia, nervousness, and an excessive love of Hozier.

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It all started quite a few months ago with a weird man and a cute girl, and you of course.

You couldn’t exactly recall what had happened, but you ended up with a cute girlfriend and a happier existence.

Somehow though, you had managed to not meet most of her family. You had met Klaus and Diego, and the little one who acted much older than he looked had made himself comfortable in your shared home one time but quickly left when you arrived so you had no clue what his name even was (you had a thought perhaps it was Fred? Phil? Something that started with an F, you knew that much), and you had had conversations about Allison but you had yet to meet her. And you hadn’t met the other one (she didn’t like talking about him so you didn’t push it - you were not going to make her uncomfortable because you knew her childhood was fucked up).

Vanya was out, doing something regarding violins or sheet music, you couldn’t quite remember. You were busy spring cleaning and working your ass off to make your new apartment shine, which included unpacking everything you owned.

That is, until you heard a knock on your door.

And you weren’t expecting anyone, at least to your knowledge.

So when you opened your door to see several people standing in the hall waiting to be let in you could’ve passed out from shock.

“Hey Y/N, we’re here for house warming!” That was a voice you recognized, it was Klaus. You loved Klaus, and he loved you right back. “Sorry for coming without warning, none of them are patient enough to call you or Vanya.”

“I’m sorry, what’s going on?”

“Where’s Vanya?”

Now that, that right there was a voice you didn’t recognize and it made you uncomfortable. “Who are you?”

“Oh, that’s just Luther, sweets. Don’t sweat it.”

You stood to the side to let the horde of people through, only recognizing two of them (aside from Klaus and Diego). The little one and Allison. The giant man, on the other hand, was a complete and utter mystery to you. That must be the one who Vanya wasn’t comfortable talking about.

“So where is Vanya, I thought this was her apartment.” That was the little one, Frank? Was that his name?

“Five, be polite. Vanya and Y/N live together.” Diego said, giving you a side hug as he saw the look of mild panic and confusion on your face as everyone tried to get comfortable in your apartment. “Is that the Hozier guy?’

Diego was of course referring to the music playing from your record player in the kitchen. And it was Hozier, he was right.

“Oh yeah, lesbians love Hozier.” Klaus laughed as he found one of the cats (he had found Turtle, and was busy giving her tummy rubs).

“Lesbians?”

You turned to look at the three people you didn’t know, eyebrows raised - just waiting for some homophobic response or for a gross one, you weren’t sure what to expect. “What’s wrong with lesbians?”

“I love lesbians, or bisexuals, or pansexuals - especially the one who saved our sister from causing the apocalypse!” Klaus held Turtle in one arm and wrapped the other arm around your shoulder as you stood facing the mystery people in your living room. “Now, I thought our dear dead father taught you guys manners! Introduce yourselves! Or I’ll do it for you.”

Klaus raised his eyebrows expectantly. “And I’ll share embarrassing stories about you as I do it. For example, Luth-“

“Shut up Klaus.” It was the little one again, walking up to you and holding his hand out. “Five.”

“Y/N.” You shook his hand, thinking to yourself about how strange that name was.

“I’m Allison, sorry we barged in on your peaceful Saturday morning. That’s Luther, over there, sitting like he’s in shock.” The woman you recognized, walking up to you to shake hands with you.

“You’re fine, I just wasn’t expecting any of you. Obviously.” You motioned to the clothes you had on, which was one of Vanya’s many button up shirts and spandex shorts. “So, you’re all of her siblings, right? I know that she has six, but I just wanna know if there are more people that will be coming to our place.”

“Well you know Ben is here in spirit, as per usual. Where is our sister, though?” Klaus asked, looking out one of the windows in your living room.

“She went to uh, do something involving the orchestra. I don’t exactly remember what. Its been a long morning.” You grumbled, returning to trying to unpack books. “I think she was picking up sheet music for a concert or for a student, I have no clue anymore.”

“How do you not know where she is?” There’s that voice again, the one you didn’t recognize.

“She’s my girlfriend, not my prey. I don’t need to know where she is at all times, that’s kinda unhealthy.”

“She could be dangerous, you know?”

You turned to face him. “Okay, sweetie I am gonna stop you right there. She went through something, that I know. But I know that she would never hurt someone on purpose and actually mean to do it. And from what your brothers have told me, you could be dangerous too. So I don’t wanna hear it. Now, we are going to start over. Hi, I’m Y/N and I’m very happily in a relationship with your sweet, angel of a sister. What’s your name?”

He looked at you in shock, and so did the people around you (excluding Diego, he knew you could get like this - he’d seen you defend Klaus from assholes in a Waffle House one time). “Uh, I am, uh, my name is Luther. Nice to meet you.”

“Nice to meet you too! Now I’m very grateful to meet you all but let me just say this; if any of you say anything bad about Vanya ever, and I mean ever - if you even look at her wrong - you will not be permitted in this apartment!” You smiled brightly, looking at everyone. “Now that that’s out of the way, does anyone want any coffee?”

When Vanya got back she had brought your favorite coffee with her, ready for snuggles and kisses from her favorite girl. Needless to say, she was very caught off guard by the sight of her family helping you unpack the kitchen. Luther had a heavy duty mixer in on arm and a food processor in the other, kindly asking you where you wanted them. Allison was organizing books by author, scratching one of your cats behind the ears (that one was Bagel, and Klaus still had Turtle in his arms as danced around the apartment to Hozier’s smooth voice and beautiful acoustics) while Five and Diego put plates and silverware away.

“What’s going on?” She asked, walking up beside you and handing you the coffee she had brought for you.

“Well it seems like everyone heard you moved and wanted to see what the place looked like.” You looked over at her, smiling. “I roped them into unpacking things with me.”

“I’m guessing you met the rest of the family then?” She looked nervous, which confused you. “I wasn’t expecting this.”

You turned to face her, rubbing your thumbs along her cheeks and smiling. “Don’t worry, baby, I still like you the most.”

You winked at her, playfully, pressing a kiss to her cheek before taking her hand and leading her to a different room. “I didn’t know where you wanted your violin stuff so I have it sitting in the office, with your box of sheet music and a new bow.”

“A new bow?” She asked, an excitement lighting up her eyes. “Did you?”

“Luther did.” You whispered, rubbing her arm comfortingly. “He said he wants to make up for what happened before we got together.”

Vanya took a deep, shaky breath. “I don’t, y/n I don’t know how to react to any of this.”

“I know this is a lot. And it’s overwhelming. And I know I certainly wasn’t expecting it either. And you didn’t want me to meet them this way, but I think maybe this is better than it could’ve gone if it was planned.”

“Why do you say that?” She asked, intertwining her fingers with yours.

“I’m not sure, but it feels right. Besides, who doesn’t love surprises?” You smile, pulling her close.

“Neither of us like surprises, it’s one of the reasons we work so well together.”

“And because I love you.” You slide your arms around her waist and pout. “Kiss?”

She smiled, that sweet soft smile that could make flowers grow and make joint pain fade, before planting a careful kiss onto your mouth. “Kiss.”

“Do you wanna go back out there? Or should I kick them out?”

She pursed her lips, her fingers tightening around yours quickly before letting out a long breath. “I think we can let them stay. Besides, they’re helping us unpack.”

“It’s less work for us, so that’s gonna make it easy to settle in faster. And the cats love the extra attention.”

Vanya smiled, looking at you with a softness in her gaze that made your heart flutter. “I love you, ya know.”

“Don’t I know it.”

[hoodie-bboi]

in honor of school starting, here are some things i either heard or said last year as a high school freshman. enjoy.

(List compiled by @teawarlord and i)

Freshman Year (2018-2019)

I’m just gonna stick my hands down my shirt.

Kai you’ve got a big dick. (Kai does not have a dick.)

I’m crying from the dick.

Stop fingering everything

Don’t judge the lizard man!

YOURE A PEEN BOY!

Can I borrow your uterus?

Don’t fist the applesauce

No I’m not gonna fist it I’m just gonna punch it

I didn’t choose the gay life the gay life chose me

Is your crotch ok?

My brain is soup

If they have a c*ck like a toddlers forearm…

I’m pregnant with water

I’m not having kids and you can’t make me!

There’s cum on my apple

i’m tearing off the cum

Oh shit the apple cummed on me

Who wants to talk about animal sex?

Daddyyyyy UWU

*to the tune of duck tails* TOE HANDS UWU

eggs. eggs everywhere.

If I see her walk through the door I’m jumping down. (30 ft drop)

When I see (my gf) I’m slapping her ass because I’m mad at her.

Fuck you time, you’re just a concept.

I love communism~

Panda bears are resoundingly NOT in to sex! -Science teacher

If they were any more inbred, they’d be a sandwich.

I don’t want to be shanked by your pop tart!

What if everyone had dicks for fingers?

*walking in to a room* I’m not gay, but 20 bucks is 20 bucks.

Don’t ask questions you don’t know the answer to.

Do we do it in Español or Spanish?

“I wanna go to Maryland” “Why?” “Because fuck Maryland” “But why?” “It’s the land of merry” (or Mary, jesus’ mom, idk)

I don’t wanna eat my limp dick pop-tart :(

Don’t screw ghosts, that’s a sin ;)

Our phrase of the day is Multigenerational Butt Licking

“I didn’t eat today” “That’s bad…” “I know-“ “C O N S U M E”

“I don’t worship Satan because I am Satan” *whips poorly*

I finally found out what my cat has been staring at all these years…

No matter how sexy your music is, you can never lick it.

And not the egg??

You don’t stand when you suck dick, dumbass

I love squating when sucking dick. Just *squats* euaaah

Why are you fucking the sherbet with your spoon?

i stuck my finger in there and he starts doing that

I’d rather you stick your human-sized foot up my veen than my ass.

Soft vore your sandwich.

Can forks… mate?

*bursts into room* WHERES THE MEATLOAF??? *takes two pieces of wooden pretend-meatloaf and runs out*

Grunhilda’s in my pants :(

Where is my penis!?

*into headset* I’m gonna kill Gerald. He’s eating our beans. *Gerald runs out laughing like a little girl*

First he eats my beans, then he throws my table.

Oof. I got a big whiff of beans.

Take off those clout goggle bro, you got no clout.

Bruh :(

What do we call an animal that is active mostly act night?

Insecure (the correct answer is nocturnal)

A ball of fire flew out of her vagina

I got the beats, ya bitch

That damn bastard, peein on my carpet

Do you ever forget to breathe because you’re so tired? (Immediately) Yes.

(About Burt’s Bees) Who the fuck is Burt?

“12-8 is 4” (In a condescending tone) “12-8 is 5.”

Some people think ivory powder is viagra

Do you have any on you? I’m asking for a friend…

What’s a hussy?

Teacher: It’s a… very flirtatious female.

oH, so a hoe!

Teacher: I MEAN YOU’RE NOT WRONG

i don’t dislike students. but i dislike this student very much.…

“Are you depressed?” “Hella”

*carrying a shovel* Do you know of any graveyards nearby?

Bro what’s wrong with AIDS?

What if I slap my vagina?

I’m not gonna slap your vagina.

I am so close to becoming bisexual right now

I GOT CHEESE JUICE ON MY FINGERS

“I DONT LIKE THAT SOUND” “Let me suck the cheese juice off of it”

Did you steal my eyes?

PLEASE DONT STEAL MY KNEECAPS

Do humans eat sharks?

caMELS? Do camels eat sharks?

I’M GONNA DEEPTHROAT THIS KNIFE

nO

Have you guys ever felt how soft Kaia is?!

Bro I gotta find out if he’s gay or bi, because if he’s bi then I have a chance.

(from above the stairs) aw man don’t be slappin me like that

(from below the stairs) I’LL SLAP WHATEVER I WANT TO

(above) yo who the fuck said that

I don’t like turkey

i’ll eat it

It’s not turkey, it’s salami

!!???

you schlorped my cheese

twincest is NOT wincest apparently

STOP DRINKING YOUR RANCH WHAT THE FUCK

JACK FROST NIPPING AT YOUR NOSE? MORE LIKE HE’S SLITTING MY THROAT IN THIS COLD

(about kidney stones) Are those generic by the way? (instead of genetic)

Why are you eating your book?

LEAVE ME ALONE

So not to get political or anything but what the hell is oatmeal?

I love when I call daddy!

“I don’t want glass up my cooter!” “No, coffee.” “THATS EVEN WORSE”

I want to slap someone with my ovaries

Did you eat your last brain cell?

Don’t hurt my neck hole

I don’t care about your egg

Peanut fucker

The Ugly Fuckling

While you’re in this group, don’t get on the roof.

There’s a roof?

During this time, we stay under the building (referring to under the roof).

I will throw my skull at you

Don’t put your eggs in my stomach

the egg juiced

I don’t care what you do, just be quiet… don’t raise hell…

Don’t put your egg in my stomach

IT JUICED (about the egg)

YOU ATE YOUR APPLE SO PRETTY

I’m ten? (through laughter) I’m not legally allowed in my house

We are Dong

All is Dong, Dong is all

dong with a capital D

This monster Dong is a Dong and a half

They’re an abomination of the foot, Debra

I’ve fallen and I can’t giddy up

Why are you eating in the dark on my bed?

I’m sure anyone can fuck a belly button if they have a fetish and a small enough dick

stop molesting her ear

so her tummy was open?

yeah, it was

so now she doesn’t have any bones?

w h a t ?

you need to learn to keep your blood

blood is for drinking, not living

i am bsexudkal

i have no king, im an anarchist

The Council Knows, Kaia. You Will Be Tried For Your Sins.

wake up

I made someone scream with my stick

HOLA I JUST CAME BACK FROM HAWAII

We’re gonna be talking about diseases

Fantastic! i LOVE talking about myself!

i thought i could turn the tables…. but the tables turned me!

on?

i’m turned on by tables

bullets are just gun jizz

GUINNEA BUISSEAU IS JUST GUN JIZZ

i have the bladder of a god

i’m sick, as compensation buy me new shoelaces

if you have a canker sore does that mean you have herpes?

duncan blew a thing

can you get better tea?

(offended) better tEETH?

i get my gender validation from a pokemon game

i bet you my room smells like egg… ass

finals week (and the week before)

please don’t talk about furries -my science teacher

the smiley face is frowning upon us

if you want to tp a tree, you tp it so well the best way to clean it up is to cut it down -also my science teacher

i think i have kidney stones up my nose

when someone tells you to hold your horses they’re telling you to be stable (in the middle of the final)

airport quotes (2018)

it’s like a velociraptor with a gun that shoots… sadness

my vibrator fell out of my bag

here's to a new year of learning and/or doing jack shit. sophomore edition coming next year. :)

[very-secret-diary]

I was tagged by @girl-of-summer (thank you!)

the last …


1. drink: Water, always

2. phone call: Apparently my sister but I think that was an accident, so actually my mom as usual

3. text message: Amanda, pretty much this will be my answer whenever asked this question

4. song you listened to: I’m not sure, something on the radio?  I wasn’t paying attention tbh

5. time you cried: Um well I almost started crying earlier today?  My family was all outside doing fireworks and I finally decided maybe I could deal with it and I went out and they lit one and the sound stressed me out so bad I had to immediately go back inside and hold back tears?  But for real was yesterday because I’m a mess.

6. dated someone twice: Never even dated someone once

7. kissed someone and regretted it: #neverbeenkissed

8. been cheated on: Lol nope

9. lost someone special: A few years ago

10. been depressed: I am almost 100% sure that I have pdd so like, always

11. gotten drunk and thrown up: Never

favorite colors

12. Grey

13. Emerald green

14. Can I say grey again???

in the last year have you…

15. made new friends: Sure, ish

16. fallen out of love: Nope lol

17. laughed until you cried: Plenty, I do that

18. found out someone was talking about you: No

19. met someone who changed you: Nah

20. found out who your friends are: I always know who my friends are

21. kissed someone on your facebook list: Nope

general

22. how many of your facebook friends do you know in real life: The vast majority

23. do you have any pets: Yes, two dogs, two cats, and technically a pig but I don’t really count that

24. do you want to change your name: No, I will never change any bit of my name, the most I would even consider doing is hyphenating my last name if I got married, and even then that’s unlikely (both getting married and hyphenating if I did)

25. what did you do for your last birthday: I baked myself some cookies, say in my room away from all human contact, and reread the Foxhole Court while eating those cookies all by myself.  Also my cousin gave my a free ice cream cone.  It was nice, even though it was the first time I had a birthday away from my family. 26. what time did you wake up: 9:45ish because my mom woke me up so we could go to my aunts house, normally it would be later

27. what were you doing at midnight last night: Watching the Power Rangers movie with my family

28. name something you can’t wait for: To finally live in a place with AC again

29. when was the last time you saw your mom: I mean I’m lying on her bed rn, but she is in the front room, so the last time I actually saw her was like an hour or two ago lol

31. what are you listening to right now: The sound of the defective window unit the provides the only bit of cool air in my house

32. have you ever talked to a person named tom: I don’t think so?

33. something that is getting on your nerves: Trying to survive a Florida summer without AC, it’s making me irritable lol

34. most visited website: Tumblr and YouTube.  Technically on my laptop it says I go on YouTube more, but I use Tumblr mobile more than on my computer so yeah

35. hair colour: It’s definitely brown at this point, it used to be blonde and has darkened with age

36. long or short hair: What do I have?  It’s like medium length right now, but I want to cut it shorter, to above my shoulders (that bisexual haircut is really what I’m aiming for).  But I do sometimes miss my insanely long hair.  On other people anything is nice.

37. do you have a crush on someone: Real people?  No.  Fictional people? So many.

38. what do you like about yourself: ??? I’m smartish. Edit: also my hair is really soft when I actually shower.

39. piercings: I pierced my ears on my 5th birthday, but I have not worn earrings since 5th grade so yeah

40. blood type: I have no clue but I really wish I did 

41. nickname: Some people in my family call me Karebear?  And my little sister when she was a baby called me Ra-ra, and currently my family refers to me as that when talking to my 6 month old cousin, but that’s really it.  Kara is short enough as it is.  Oh, some people like calling me Car-uh instead of Kare-uh, either to annoy me (family and friends) or because they constantly forget how to actually pronounce it so I’ve stopped correcting them (some teachers and acquaintances), but idk if that really counts

42. relationship status: Single

43. zodiac: Sagittarius 

44. pronouns: She/her

45. favourite tv show: Avatar the Last Airbender, no question

46. tattoos: None currently, one day though

47. right or left handed: Right handed

48. surgery: Never had one thankfully

49. so called “flaws”: Lol I’m both majorly insecure and have a superiority complex (about some things), which is super fun.  I have a hard time admitting I’m wrong, and when I know I’m right I will argue past the point that I technically should.  I am a major major procrastinator who should be failing everything but I’m not, somehow.  I like to lie.  I’m actually kind of a really mean person.  Like god, I’m not a good person.

50. sports: Exy

51. vacation: I would love to travel everywhere and do something actually exciting and interesting

more general

53. eating: I don’t do it as much as I should

54. drinking: Water, forever and always.  I’m in like year 15 of literally only drinking water

55. i’m about to: Idk what I’m gonna do after this, maybe try to sleep, maybe read a little bit of the Raven King

56. waiting for: ? Nothing currently

57. want: So many things, but mostly air conditioning

58. get married: I’m not opposed, but it is not something I expect.  If I do it will almost definitely be to a girl though, just putting that out there.

59. career: I am going to be a social worker, preferably international child welfare but we’ll see, everything is good

60. hugs or kisses: Hugs, but only my family and little kids

61. lips or eyes: Eyes are so so pretty, always eyes

62. shorter or taller: I don’t care, most girls are shorter than me, most guys are my height or taller.  I like my height currently and others peoples height does not matter at all to me.

63. older or younger: Is this like about dating?  Cause I don’t care as long as the gap is not too big?

64. nice arms or nice stomach: Um?  I guess arms, because all tummies are good tummies unless they are mine, but my opinion on arms is more variable.  Can I choose hands though, because lol that’s a thing.

65. hook up or relationship: Relationship

66. troublemaker or hesitant: I’m hesitant in practice, but somewhere in the middle in theory

67. kissed a stranger: again #neverbeenkissed

68. drank hard liquor: When you’ve only had water since you were 5 it really limits the exposure to alcohol, so no

69. lost glasses/contact lenses: I am constantly misplacing my glasses, but I’ve never lost them for more than a day or two

70. turned someone down: Nope

71. sex on the first date: I don’t think I would, but I support anyone and everyone else who decides to do so

72. broken someone’s heart: Almost certainly not

73. had your heart broken: Not in terms of my own relationships, other, fictional ones, lol yes

74. been arrested: No

75. cried when someone died: Probably when my grandfathers died, but I was to little to really be sure

76. fallen for a friend: I mean, I’ve had small crushes on people that I talk too, but I have very few people that I consider true friends, and I’ve never actually “fallen” for anyone

do you believe in …

77. yourself: That’s complicated, but I guess, I have a solid, mostly realistic life plan that I think is very possible

78. miracles: Also complicated?  Divine miracles?  Not really.  But it depends on how you define miracles.  I like to call really wonderful things that happen against almost all odds miracles, so of course.

79. love at first sight: Romantically No.  You can have an almost immediate connection with someone (though you need more than sight for that, you need some sort of communication), but love grows.  But familial love, yes.  It is so so possible to fall in love with a new baby or other family member right away.  And maybe that even extends to other types of platonic love.

80. santa claus: Lol as long as I have children in my life, then of course

81. kiss on the first date: If both parties are up for it then sure

82. angels: Not really.  I’m a strong agnostic so I don’t believe, but I don’t disbelieve either.  And I do sometimes like to think about it, there is something nice about it

other

83. current best friend’s name: Amanda and Victoria

84. eye colour: I say green, other’s say blue (and they used to 100% be blue), but it really depends on what I’m wearing and the lighting, it changes how people perceive  them

85. favourite movie: Okay I’m going to list some of them: The Proposal (I seriously know almost every line to this movie I’ve watched it so many times), 10 Things I Hate About You (god I will never get over Kat and Patricks relationship), Big Hero 6 (that movie will always hold such a special place in my heart, especially Tadashi).  I feel like I’m forgetting some important ones but like, I guess they can’t be my true true favorites if I’m not immediately thinking of them. And again I’m tagging: @weighing-of-wands @trucha-sai @andyouwait and @pansexualize, but again no pressure friends, I just don’t want to not tag anyone