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#I also try to avoid some.... discourse over the concepts of passing and stealth
bloodofgrapes · 1 year
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May I ask what your top tips for appearing more masc are prior to hrt? No matter how basic, I want to hear them (im desperate) (esp voice-wise)
Well anon, as with all things, your mileage will vary. Are you looking to be fully stealth/cis passing? Do you want to simply feel more masculine? Think about what you really and truly want, not what your friends or society or anything else may tell you, but what YOU specifically would enjoy doing. There is no one way to be masculine, and what works for me may not work for someone else.
With all of that out of the way though, here are a few things that helped me specifically. I'm stealth in real life, and I prefer to be... more or less conventionally masculine. My partner put it aptly: "you look like a boring office worker."
Take fashion advice from cis men/cis oriented groups. No offense to my fellow trans masc/trans men, but taking fashion advice from them is often a case of the blind leading the blind, at least if your goal is to be cis passing. You can dress well and look presentable (I certainly do), but don't put male fashion on a pedestal, because even the best dressed cis men don't--this is just what they're familiar with and they're going about their day the same way you are.
Clothes can get you a good portion of the way there, because I was functionally stealth even prior to starting testosterone (though I will confess a large amount of genetic luck), but if you dress and act with confidence, most people won't put much more thought to you than what is immediately apparent.
Your hair will also massively help you: men tend to favor fairly plain and boring cuts. A traditional cut will help you look more masculine than anything that requires a blow dryer and copious amounts of gel. I'm a boring (and lazy) person, so this suits me just fine, but I know this can get dull really quick to a lot of people, but that's just the way it is. That said, always, ALWAYS get your sideburns and nape squared off rather than tapered, I swear it's like the only irl cheat code for masculinity. The little details are usually what count the most.
On voice, you're in luck. Far too much emphasis is put on having a deep baritone that would put James Earl Jones to shame. You don't need a deep voice to sound like a man, but you do need to consciously keep your speech patterns and the way you speak in mind. Pay attention to the cis men around you, not what you see in media--most of them really don't have voices that are particularly deep. But you'll notice that they don't pitch their voices and inflect the way that women are typically taught to. This has nothing to do with genes, these are purely social skills, and while it's a pain, they can very much be learned by anybody who works at it. Cis men tend to speak much more flatly and bluntly, and use fewer words to get their meaning across (which is a good skill to have no matter your gender, in my opinion). When I put on my Woman Voice™, it's not so much that I speak in a higher pitch (though I do), but that I draw out my words and speak a little more theatrically. A simple "hey, how are you doing?" becomes "Hiiii, it's SO good to see you again, how have you been!"
That's a pretty stark difference! And again, this is just what works for me. I have not cut out any parts of my personality or toned down who I am, not least of all because I'm a pretty flat and monotone person to begin with, but I do restrain certain aspects of how I present myself, particularly with people I'm not close to.
I'm sorry that this is a long winded way to say "dress appropriately, get a decent haircut, and flatten down the way you speak", but I do try to be cognizant of the fact that you can feel and present masculinely in more ways than there are grains of sand on earth. All of the above are things that help me feel better and more comfortable in my own skin, and are not necessarily what I would prescribe other people to do to feel right in theirs. Only you can know what works best for you, which is why I prefaced this with advising you to think long and hard about what would make you happy and comfortable.
That said, if any of the above appeals to you, do a little research. I enjoy browsing Reddit's Male Fashion Advice sub, not least of all because you see an enormous range of fashion that goes beyond t shirts and jeans. Look for men that have face shapes similar to yours to see what kind of haircuts flatter them, and study the way that the men in your life speak, gesticulate, and generally act. Study them like they are animals in a zoo and it's your life mission to document them, and you'll pick up a lot. I hope this helps!
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