#I cannot believe they pulled a 'celebs singing John Lennon's Imagine' like

[charmre]

WHY AM I JUST FUCKING HEARING THAT RIGHT AFTER THEY ANNOUNCED THAT THEY WERE TAKING AWAY ABORTION RIGHTS, A BUNCH OF DEMOCRATS GATHERED IN FRONT OF THE SCOTUS AND SANG A FUCKING ACAPELLA OF "GOD BLESS AMERICA"

AND THEN NANCY PELOSI SENT OUT AN EMAIL ASKING PEOPLE FOR MONEY LIKE 😭😭😭

AND THEY ALSO APPARENTLY HAD FUCKING SNIPERS ON THE FUCKING ROOFS AIMED AT THE PROTESTERS TOO LIKE

I CANNOT BELIEVE THIS ISN'T MADE UP

[hanzi83]

Mix Bagged Thoughts of the Last Couple of Months

This part was written March 4th, 2020 before the Coronavirus quarantine began but instead of deleting it, I am continuing the thought because if I have to be scattered brain, then you will have to as well, as I list off my concerns the past couple of months with the incorporation of what this virus means to the world, in my interpretation.

March 5th, 2020

I haven’t done one of these blogs in the last several months, or at least it feels like it. And yes to answer your questions, to the select few who are able to read my extremely scattered brained thoughts in a really unorganized manner due to the fact that I have not organized my thoughts in a (not so) private journal on my laptop, since I can’t write physically in a notebook since I can’t read back my thoughts, and it was never like I would read them back when I wrote down irrational opinions, and testing the waters to see who was really monitoring this due to the moving of my cursor, that the trolls that have familiarized themselves with me for the last decade plus, have continuously denied, so I have been doing more periscopes, and writing more random threads of tweets just to see how my theories hold up. Let’s face it, for the most part I am a dumbed down guy, who decided to go with whatever the the majority would say because I did not have the facilities to think for myself for years, whether it was going along with a narrative rooted in neoliberalism, while thinking I was being nice and considerate, to wanting to be a contrarian, to being a conspiracy theorist, almost getting himself in the alt right mind set, because you don’t believe MSM, but then you find out that the contrarian conspiracy theorists have been hijacked by the right wing so going by the limited narrative wokeness that exists in the neoliberal, to finally realizing what the difference between a leftist, and a neoliberal is. 

I find that with the limited platform I have, I try to talk to people, who don’t really have the power that the ones in charge do, to maybe deprogram them from the propaganda, because even when this Trump shit went down, I really did not want to give anyone who was leaning conservative a chance, because they want to be with the ignorant, and that is not to say the so called progressives, who only are as progressive as the neoliberal think tanks allow them, are just as much a problem. It is funny because it feels like leftists rightfully compare the neoliberals to the neoconservatives, while the neoliberals point at the leftists as the same as the far right, and it has been done by design. That is what my basic conspiracy theory brain has conjured up, that they place truth tellers in with the racists, misogynists, homophobes etc which is why you can compare Bernie Sanders’ movement to Trump because they have become populists in this era of political theatre. Now the way you can compare them, and this is probably where leftists will hate me, because they insist on their movement to be completely organic and nothing can be compromised, and my point is, that every clique had some type of funding, but it does not mean the leftist is some evil shit, so sure you can compare different cliques being the same as in they are probably funded by big people. But you cannot compare what each one stands for because the far right has been funded by people who are on the evil side. By the way anything that I put out, that has not been confirmed yet, is just a theory in my fucked up brain. 

It feels like when I don’t organize my thoughts, and I need to write something down to express and vent my feelings, I don’t know where to start and how to transition smoothly with my segues, so I feel good about setting it up and then as I continue, my brain continues to get exhausted with all of the stuff I have read and absorbed from a television show or movie, in fact I have not been caught up on movies, television shows. It is like I don’t care but then immediately I go to regret because I don’t understand the latest references going on, on social media. It fucks with me, then I convince myself that maybe my experience in life has been so interesting, maybe I need to focus on that rather than trying to watch a new television show or movie just so I can pretend to tell the difference between a show with good politics and bad politics, and then questioning if I am even comprehending what I am watching, listening to, or reading, and when I have debates, I can barely retain, so I have to examine the world in my fucked up way since I never paid attention to details, and I never expected to live this long, and each year that passes, and as each hair on my face begins to turn even grayer than the prior time I had facial hair, I just try to simplify it in my head. I still hold out for the death card, because I think i want to transfer my consciousness to another entity, or maybe if I cross over to the other side it will be a lot better than the mental hell I have dealt with. I have to believe we are far more advanced and things are far more organized. I have tried shutting that part of my thoughts down ever since I fully became entrenched with the conspiracies, but the fact that so much of my family and friends have been kind of secretive, and now putting the pieces together from the past, it makes me wonder what kind of world have I been pulled into and all it took for me to realize this was being an (at times voluntarily) being exploited by the show, so others can gain from it and profit off it, and the fact that these things are not to be focused on, on the surface, me bringing it up was not good for anyone, because the perceived people in charge behind the scenes, did not like that I was being transparent. And all of these years, I am not content I have all the factors right, or not but I do realize, in my opinion, that I am not going to believe anyone of any clique is giving you the truth 100 percent, and that doesn’t mean it is all meant for evil, I have stated multiple times before if you can spread propaganda for evil, you can have a clique that serves the power of good to spread propaganda for the sake of good. It just difficult to figure out all of this because the roles are kind of hitting a grey area, we don’t know what is the good guy or the bad guy, because depending on which circles you follow, they can convince you people who are evil are the ones who are being victimized, or that good ones are being made to seem evil, it basically how wrestling fans are debating if someone is a good guy because they did something kind of unethical. 

March 25,2020 

So I wrote that last part prior to this forced quarantine shit, and now it even rings true in some regard to me at least, especially with how pretentious some of these celebrities are acting by doing a sing a long of John Lennon’s “Imagine” and keep repeating the Sarah Silverman part to debate if she is really obnoxious, or if she is self awarely being a cornball, either way too much thought has been put on that, then you have the “clone” billionaires deteriorating right in front of you and making asinine statements, where they are justifying many deaths to save the economy, and to save my head from even thinking of the horrible death that is heading our way because I believe people are being sacrificed in masses by unethical people having control and hoarding knowledge and tools to keep them safe while the rest of us probably have to die, so in order for me not to break down at that thought because it has weighed on my head, that the reason I did not sell my soul was because I don’t know if I could have been quiet with some of the fucked up things happening behind, so now I just put weird ass conspiracies together because I think we are given hidden truth in our fiction, and I wonder if people dying, are we so advanced, that our consciousness can be transferred or have we given our governments enough DNA over the time we have lived where they can secretly clone us again? It makes life more exciting thinking it like that, but as much as I want to express these theories, I want to make it clear you should never listen to me about these things, I am just someone who has no one to talk to and since they fuck with my journal entries, I am almost a year behind and I need to write long winded blogs, that no one will pay attention to, I just need to get this out and think out loud because over the last year so many thoughts have been building up, one minute I want to vent about this, but then a few days pass and my mind is onto something else and I still have these notes jotted. Now the list I am looking at does not seem as important when this stuff is going on. 

I am scared about what is happening because I don’t know if we are being given the right information or if that there is bits of truth but the hucksters who have taken over the conspiracy movement are also giving us false information, because apparently everything is a fucking hustle. Is this something we already have but other factors play into if the virus will be extracted or is it as organic as they say it was, it feels the more the oppressed groups are starting to rise and gain traction, the neoliberals and neoconservatives are discrediting anything other than the establishment view. Part of me feels like it is wrestling where they neoliberal types are passing the torch but a lot of shit is going to have be sacrificed because this is some elaborate game/reality show that we witness, and the public figures are playing roles that seem relatable to the rest of us but their plight is more symbolism than what is actually going on. I wonder if this world is so organized that it is already pre planned who is going to die and are the celebs getting it, a ploy or is it symbolism that they are escaping this planet because they know where the world is heading. I still believe a lot of the elite type and their associates have clones and some of the ones we see are not the real ones, but that is another story. 

I don’t know if anything happens to my elderly parents, how I will survive. I never wanted to be alive during something like this because I don’t feel I am useful to this planet anymore and I feel I am meant to just be a target for people to bug because they know if I snap then it will always reflect badly on me, because I can’t fight back and if I do then they can play that I am mentall unstable part. It really fucks with my head. I know I will never get back all the years I missed with my family and friends, and I know that the longer I will be alive, I will question if people who are supposed to be close with me are setting me up for something or do they really love me. This fame shit has fucked my head up. I have to deal with trolls who constantly threaten me and I never know at what level they are keeping this, they have showcased they can misplace my documented thread on twitter of the evidence of people threatening me and hinting something bad will happen to me, I don’t know if something will or are they continuously instilling fear into me, since my last blog I went into the specifics of that extra terrestrial lady who thinks I owe her a platform because she is allegedly going through the same harassment, while catering to the trolls who hate me, but she claims she is training them, and while one of them has been more peaceful, I don’t know if that is a ploy to have a front row seat to be allowed to troll, he will bring up every irrational thing I have said, and not provide context in hopes to embarrass me in front of new people I meet on periscope, and if that does not work, they will have to endear themselves to those people so it makes me uncomfortable, this specific troll tried to convince me that him getting me banned on twitter and facebook for a week and month was his doing and that is why he is the reason for me meeting new interesting characters on the periscope app. It feels like this Gorilla Bacon dude thinks he is entitled to being into my life, he claims he is joking. I hope him nothing but luck if he is truly changing but it does not feel like it, and I notice since I have made peace with the guy who was hanging out with that “alien chick” it has caused madness, I am unsure what their friendship is like, but the private conversations regarding my podcast has made people lose their mind. Even people who thought they gained my trust and now that their ways are kind of becoming transparent, I am being ganged up on from this woman at times. Before I continue, even though all this is documented within the videos I have on facebook from my periscope, whenever I bring up the inconsistencies in their argument, I am somehow considered to be lying and slandering her name, when people have been witness to it. I personally think, and I emphasize “personally think” since there is a group of patriots always bugging her, the ones she gives me shit for not blocking, even though I am worried if I do so then some of them will fuck with me. They already don’t like that I am not a Trump guy and that I lean more leftist and some of them get upset that I explain the difference between an establishment democrat and an actual leftist, because they always bank on that the democratic side has the full representative of what is leftism. So I feel like maybe she was tied in with them, maybe did not like what they were into but now instead of just moving on she feels threatened that they could be around to get any kind of word out. I tell her not to come in countless times, but then she will come in and just start taking over and bringing up stuff I said while we were in arguments together, and since this is playing out in front of an audience, I do kind of try to be entertaining, because my brain has been trained that way, and then somehow the trolls she aligned with will just fuck with me by playing my old manic calls, even trying to get me in trouble, because recently on a periscope session, I was being fucked with by this new dude I met on there, who has latched on to me, and he normally just talks shit and tries to start arguments and says the most ignorant shit to people when he argues, and it kind of reminds me of how I would think it would be acceptable to have these barbs because I gravitated towards the most ignorant while trying to be somehwhat woke, and because I have been programmed by that kind of entertainment, especially since it gets applauded by Stern Show because being this way makes for more interesting radio, it feels people have to constantly be on. So i try to tell him it’s not the way because my trolls will encourage that because it is someone who they can align with because these people hate watch me and need someone to represent their disdain so this character will fuck with me more and more. So I was in an argument with him, another caller joined in, who happens to be black, he had no idea about what is going on, and when he was busting my balls I lost it on everyone in the panel, and when i said “You said i was virgin and I was a snitch, I went off” he replies “I asked u if you were, if I wanted to be mean i could I have said it” and I stutter my words where I don’t even speak I make sounds, and I said “Nah Nah go ahead again” and it sounded like I said the n word with an a but I didn’t know how my speech comes across, so when they bring up I said it, I even talked to several black people I respect and showed them the clip, some were like I did not say it, but others said they could see how they thought that” this diarreagun account is fucking with the audio and showing that it did sound like it, so I have tried to distance myself from periscope a little more, because if it isn’t people threatening to kill me, or encouraging me to kill myself, they will find news way to just fuck with my head. And because this lady knows I don’t want trouble and I am being extra careful how to address her, she just lashes out at me all the time, and this woman is like 15 years older than me and I just want her to get help and maybe get some medication because I can relate to some of these mood lashes but I am not the enemy. The guy I was at odds with has become helpful with me and even some of my private conversations with him, I even tell him I have my guard up with everyone and any conversation that is happening privately I figure I am always being spied on because when i do a private periscope, there shows one more person into the room to showcase they can bypass the privacy and listen to us. 

I also tried to distance myself from some people because I don’t know who these people truly are. I don’t have resources to use to background check people, so sometimes i think the system is sending problematic people toward me and hide who they are and endear themselves to me and then if it does not work out they show shades of what they are, and I have to watch out for who it is because I am not trying to have a Jimmernam shit happen to me again, and that situation has gotten crazier because the woman that was being harassed by him has decided to forgive him because she was at odds with the original people who were helping her out because they have crude like humor, and at one point I was at odds with him, but we made peace and even though I have outgrown that type of humor on some level, I recognize that they are not worse than what Jimmernam is, and maybe the problem was becoming so friendly with common enemies of that person, that you had to always be with them and then you get sick of them because being this communicative that often in a discord link is probably going to speed up getting fed up with people. That's why I keep my distance because I know its just people wilding out for the shits and giggles because they were brought up on Howard Stern and Opie & Anthony like humor and not that it can’t be funny but I just don’t find it edgy but I am not going to grandstand because at one time I was partaking on that level of humor because I thought the more inappropriate you were with your “comedy” the edgier you were considered. So it is kind of disheartening that Limon went back to Jimmer, she is still cool with me and I have not attacked her for doing so, but maybe she thinks she has to go back because she needs some backup, but if this Jimmernam guy is really a groomer of kids, and I have gone through the history of him, why would you want to be associated with that. It was fucked up that I was associated with him but I had no idea who this person was, and I assumed anyone who is allowed to be out and about is probably not completely evil. It just so happened that after I had reservations in being part of his Stern like show, and then his show imploded, then the rumors of what he was came out and the fact that he tried to save face by modeling his “struggle” with what I really deal with, he figured a common struggle would make me want to partner up with him again. I asked him when he resurfaced and his reddit shit flopped after starting drama in that community, if these rumors are true then how can i do a show with him, and he has said “Well there are rumors about you and I know they aren’t true” and these rumors are most likely started by him. He has hinted many times that my computer is hacked and probably has that, much like WWE shills did a while back, and because I am not tech savvy, where would I go to look if my computer had these? It is fucked up. The fact that I have to forgive trolls who have tried to get my house swatted is really fucked up and because it did not happen they think “Well it didn’t happen so you are not justified to be angry” is such a stupid fucking take. 

Even when I am just flirting on periscope with women, and most of you know I am not really into having a relationship but I use it to just have some fun and maybe start some friendships, it's mainly to practice if I ever become social again, but it feels kind of cool to connect with people and instead of catching up on movies and television etc, I try to meet new people, whether it's interesting characters and create interesting and entertaining dialogue, but I have to be careful because periscope is just a twitter write off and people don’t care what goes on, and if you go on the app and look at random thumbnails of broadcasts, I had to report so many because by the thumbnail it looks like kids are being exploited, so when i do talk to any women on my panel specifically or go into another periscope, I always make sure the people are all 18 and over. Not that I am saying anything super inappropriate I don’t feel comfortable being in a conversation with someone who is under 18 because if they are impressionable I don’t want to be the reason they get a fucked up thought in their head because of my lack of filter but apparently that is even a problem because I am not supposed to be responsible with my platform according to these people, it is kind of like they want me to get caught up in some traps. It feels like they try their hardest, and that is why I am unsure what kind of people I interact with because it is one thing to be a little ignorant and politically incorrect, I can disarm that, but when it comes to someone being part of a hate group and is planning on doing doxxing and ruining people’s lives, I don’t want any part of that, even if that kind of drama gets a bunch of fake views, so people are constantly encouraged to keep doing it because when you have peaceful conversations then they punish you by taking away views because it shows no one cares about your wrestling talk anymore. I don’t know what these people will do to me to fuck me up. I am very scared and maybe that is the intention because I am a piece of shit and people hate me for still having some kind of audience but since Stern Show is not backing me anymore, it seems people can cross the line with their scare tactics, whether its hacking my shit and not doing anything overly dangerous but enough to show they are in control, and now that I have started a podcast, which at this moment I have not publicized, but believe you me, the trolls are spying on me and know where it is, even one of my trolls has sent me a voicemail on the app to condescendly give me the “I am proud of you speech” after me and the dude helping me out have been talking about it in private. Then my fucked up mind goes “Are me and this guy having private conversations, is he trustworthy?” or did the trolls intentionally do that because now I will suspect him for still setting me up with some of these private talks. I don’t fucking know. I did want to record a couple of podcasts, which I am scared to do because I don’t know if I will have thoughts organized, should I do what is happening day to day and because I think in layers, it is hard to articulate, which is why I am writing this blog with a mixed bag of shit to talk about so I can easier articulate it. I wanted to do this podcast and then after a couple of them being recorded I would then publicize it. I just wanted to feel like a winner for once in my life by accomplishing something, even though the podcast setup is kind of primitive but of course the trolls who I believe are paid will try to ruin it and some of these problematic people who want drama with me will not take kindly I am doing this on my own because they feel entitled to be part of it even though I believe they have been instructed to derail me and my thoughts and constantly keep me in a frenzy. My trolls who hate watch me and who tend to have ignorant views are applauded and encouraged, so they chastise me for not wanting to put up with that because me and other mentally ill people might not be best to mesh on a daily basis, especially ones that don’t want to acknowledge they have mental illness and think to cope with it they better just start drama with every other person and lash out because they think by being on my platform that they have an audience watching that they did not have before, and even though they shit on me, they still love me and need to be attached to me because they can’t admit that I serve more importance than the system has lead on since leaving Stern and becoming an irrelevant asshole who still is hanging on to the remaining milliseconds of the 15 minutes that have for the better part been over.

By the way whenever I mention the reddit they use the harassment they always end up closing it, especially when it has to do with some mission happening on certain days where they plan on kidnapping me or some shit. /R/systemichanzi83 but there are rumors more is happening on systematichanzi or systematichanzi83 or something but those are apparently are private.