#I cant even be petty and blame therapy for pointing it out

[sfucked]

trauma wouldn't be so bad if I didn't get to see what it could've been

[falling-heights]

Hello sorry for bothering but can i request dio brando who kidnapped their darling and they have an eating disorder or smth so they dont really eat, and just wanted to know what would he do to make their darling eat. Would he punish them, would he threaten them etcc. He just cant stand losing them Lol sorry if its weird. Im very new at requesting stuff😩

My, my, my. You’ve left the great Dio with quite a chore.

Being forcibly turned against your humanity without any ounce of consent or care would send anyone into a state of deep despair. 

Dio had expected you to fight the urges of bloodlust for a small period of time, but never for this long. 

Of course you could eat human food, but just by observing your continually atrophying body, he knew it wasn’t even close to sufficient. You were polluting yourself in unimaginable ways.

He cursed you stubborn nature. Why wouldn’t you just give in? Despite bringing you a fresh kill every day, you simply turned away in silent resentment. He knew the constant pain you felt would only worsen, so why continue your petty antics?

It wouldn’t be until you’re body mass had deteriorated to pitiful levels that he would take these matters into his own hands. 

Now, as we all know, Dio likes the feisty type. So it’s almost impossible that he would take offense from your hostility towards him for what he did. He’d simply view it as a playful form of defiance. A challenge, so to speak, over who would bow to the other first. He views it all as a challenge, one he intends to dominate.

With this in mind, how would Dio force this new “diet” on you?

Well... to say that Goldilocks will quite literally make any situation as sexual or pleasurable as possible is a sad and terrible understatement. If he’s going to force this on you, he wants the most amount of euphoria as possible. Both for you and himself. 

So, what better way than to feed it to you mouth-to-mouth? Essentially, it’s reverse CPR, but it acts as one hell of a passionate kiss. It’s simple, really, but it does wonders. (he’s the momma bird, and your the baby birrdd. im sorry for giving you that image.)

He’ll take in a hefty amount of the intoxicating drink in his mouth. And pinch your nose so you’d be forced to part your lips, he’d then graze his own against yours and kiss you as hard and smoothly as possible so as to ensure that as much blood goes down as he can get in one sitting. 

and this isn’t a one-and-done kind of affair. He’ll be slow and meticulous, dragging the task on for hours for his own selfish satisfaction. He wants you desperately gasping for air by the end of it; all to teach you a crucial lesson about your new life: a dependance on him for survival. 

He’ll tease you for letting him do such things to your body. And he’ll never forget to remind you just how powerless you are in his presence. 

You’ll be too weak to fight him when this first starts, but he’s confident you’ll be more than eager to let him continue long before you’ve recovered. 

Dio is an irresistible man with the soul of a devil. What isn’t there to love?

Now, of course he’s no man of patience. There will be rough days in the blend. Days that your scrutiny and spite will give him nasty and violent desires. Days where he’d question the point in continuing to care for your wellbeing. 

At the best, he’d likely tempt you into feeding by yourself, perhaps wanting you to finally respect the god-like gift he’d given you. If you still refused, he’d leave you to yourself for a few days, perhaps hoping you’ll regret your decisions and crawl back to his feet, begging for forgiveness. 

When he’s feeling bitter, but still merciful, he’ll simply resort to a more direct method, which would be to open an artery and inject it in with his teeth. His favorite spots are the wrist and neck, but of course, this being Dio, he’ll want to sample every part of you. 

No matter the mood, you must understand that he still cares for you. After each “session”, he’ll stay by you for hours, both to make sure you don’t force it out of your system once he’s left and to tend to your mental well-being. But, let’s get real, his sense of therapy is far more harmful than helpful. 

Manipulation is what he’s best at though, so you can’t exactly blame him for trying. 

In his silk-laced words, he’ll speak of terrors, things that Jonathan would do to you the minute he discovered you’d been turned. It’s far too late to seek help from the blue-haired angel. He could never love such a monster. 

Dio is the only one who fully accepts you now for yourself. Only he can provide the same sense of warmth and protection that Jonathan once gave. 

He can be everything Jonathan was too afraid to be and more. And he will be, in a sense, just not how you would have hoped.

He’s training you to become suited to his vulgar tastes. By training you in such an...  exploitive way, he’s teaching you to rely on him. Instead of pulling away, you’ll learn to accept and welcome his touch and presence. 

Though, of course, this would take ages to accomplish, but it’ll all be worth it in the end. 

You’ll be wound around his fingers like he’d so desperately wanted the first time his lustful eyes had made contacts with yours.  

Check out my other stuff!

[oh-for-fic-sake]

Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark has a surprise and you fuck up.

Masterlist

Warnings:swearing, injury, angst

A/n:so a little bit of fluff and angst 

Broken Bones And New Homes

Clark sat back in his chair as Diana took the young girl to get settled and was fixed with a look from the others he sighed.

"She was still doubting herself she needed to see it for herself" Bruce spoke up first unimpressed.

"Yes but it could have gone down hill fast! What if it had pierced you! She'd never have forgiven herself or trusted anyone again!" Clark sighed he knew that Bruce had a point.

"But there was also another reason I was testing her as well like she did to you earlier ...did you see? She was holding back, even when she was angry she found the power to hold it back she didn't want to hurt me not for a second she just wanted to scare me...shes used to scaring people off. I wanted to see if she was truly wants to harm or not anger reveals your true intentions shes good through and through..." Arthur nodded

"He is right Bruce she held back it wasn't nice to watch but the kid did good tho... it was unnerving to watch her have that much restraint ....aren't teens meant to you know? loose their shit she held it together." Bruce nodded it was horrible in a way seeing the control she needed for herself Clark was right she'd had to grow up fast just like them but unlike them she will have someone there for her question was who, tho he had a guess already.

"So whose gonna take her Legally?"

"I will she needs stability, normality but still someone who can keep her in line can you get the paperwork done?" Bruce nodded smirking at Clark, looks like he was taken with the girl in a way they all were Bruce would take her in in a heart beat but with the others it wouldn't be a good idea so this time he will settle for being an uncle, doesn’t mean he cant tease the big man tho? Does it

"Your sure your not even letting anyone else what if I want to-"

"No I'm taking her, she will fit right in at home with me and konner, he has always wanted a sister to look after we can give her a family that she can relax around no offence Bruce but if anything would happen at the manor, your boys are strong but...." Bruce waved him off laughing

"I was messing with you,I know what you mean I will get on it first thing" Clark rolled his eyes at him, Victor pulled up her file on the screen.

"Whoa, her file is .....large shes been through.... to much I don't know haw shes so....stable Clark your gonna have your work cut out for you... how she hasn't already gone mad is beyond me." Barry came closer frowning

"She has a police record?" Victor nodded sadly scanning through the data quickly Clark got up coming over to them

"You found her file? When?" Victor didn't bother looking up at him just pointing to Barry

"He took her bag to her room when you had your little heart to heart and got her name y/n l/n birthday April seventh, born in central city moved to Gotham with her parents at six months old... Clark shes been through a lot its..."

"Tell me I want to know what happened." Victor side and continued

"There’s nothing until she was five when her parents died...police report says parents were only identified by dna because....."

"Because what?" Victor looked down then to Arthur everyone was tense suddenly Diana came into the room hear most of it so far she can gather whats they are on about.

"Bodies crushed beyond recognition, no teeth remaining for a dental record to be found, official cause of death was crushed by ceiling, flats collapsed due to breech in building regulations, no one was charged for it. Child found in flat had resided by parents bodies for three days before being found, no one knows how she survived but she was unharmed and thought the police were there to arrest her, she was under the impression she did it."

"She must have tried to save them and failed...that why she was frightened of the police" Clark summarized  victor nodded

"That’s what she said in her report that she did it she couldn't stop the ceiling, after that there is nothing on the incident apart from information about the therapy she should under go and where they sent her. Children's home north Gotham on Presington street." Bruce swore

"Fucking hell that's a shit hole, been pouring money into it for years they were pocketing it as bonuses only went down for it three years ago two deaths to malnutrition" everyone winced things did not look good

"The next eight entries are from the weeks after, mental evaluations, says here she started hurting other kids in the home lashing out and became aggressive to staff, she claimed they were accidents that she couldn't help it that she had powers, they didn't listen until one kid ended up missing an eye... can understand it looks like a vicious attack"

"Probably bullying, it happens a lot to the new kids, if they attacked her then it'd protect her right?" Victor nodded to Bruce and sighed moving on

"They certified her had to drug her to get her out of the home, Jesus Christ they put her in a mental unit in Gotham general child's psych ward inpatient  where she stayed under various levels of sedation for a majority of her time there until being released at ten years old showing no signs of instability or any indication she was a danger to herself and others a successful case. By law she couldn't return to the group home so she was fostered between then and a year ago shes had foster homes all across Gotham. Then a year ago she was on a trip with school doing a big beach clean up, it was a campaign the school was behind to help clean up the oceans? they kids were going to protest at Washington....never made it tho...it was when the atlanteans threw out the trash, oil tanker landed on her class's camp sight, two survived her and her student teacher....he said she had held it for around two minuets but most of the others were to scared to move the ones that did couldn't get out of the way and she passed out and well you can guess the rest.... no one believed him when he told them what he'd seen....he killed himself four days later. Since then its been petty thievery and some assaults, shes beaten up a few known drug dealers and gang members.... The police reports are mostly about injuries from dragging her back to foster homes three in the past year, seventeen in the past six, it was more frequent when she was younger, she under goes psychological evaluations once a year to see if her 'schizophrenia' is coming back. But that it" Diana covered her eyes rubbing the bridge of her nose shaking her head at the humans stupidity.

"So they told her she's mad? For four nearly five years they locked her away? made her believe she was crazy? And drugged her" She leaned back feeling sorry for the girl she'd been put into a brutal system at the most devastating time in her life, shed had to deal with it alone. Bruce sighed he knew Gotham wasn't the best place for an orphan... but that seemed harsh even to his standards.

"She hid it to seem normal, so she could get out of the hospital no wonder she so guarded she had to outsmart Drs and psychiatrists when she was a child" everyone spoke apart from Arthur he sat there fists clenched seething."Arthur! what happened you couldn't have known" he growled he knew that, there wasn't anything he could so but still it irked him knowing that it had happened, that shed tried to save her class mates from his people-his brother and hadn't been able to.

"I know....I know that but that is what triggered all this again isn’t it? That’s what made it come back stronger and now she cant control it? The reason shes been on the streets...And I was here laughing and jokeing around with her? When she knew it was me-my people who did that? How she didn't fuck me up right away I don’t know cos if it was the other way around I would have" Barry sighed before speaking quietly.

"Well doesn't that show she doesn't blame you? I mean we all knew that something big happened so I don’t think she blames you... she had every chance to blow up at you about it when she explained a little herself but she didn't..I wouldn't worry." Clark nodded agreeing with Barry then continued.

"Be there for her now, if she wants to talk she will.." Arthur nodded letting out an angry breath that was all he could do now, be there for her.

"Clark could you go check she's in bed I gave her half an hour to have a shower and be in bed by" he nodded hearing the others all start making their way to their rooms deciding to call it a night. He slowed opening the door poking his head in he smiled seeing you curled up in the blankets not asleep yet but near enough he quickly shut the door. He was determined to become the father you needed he would talk to Konner tomorrow about it, he would be happy having a little sister but Clark would have to explain to his son what was going on with her before introducing them...And his mom he will need her help.

"AAHHH!" You screamed bloody murder when there was a excruciating crunch then you slammed into the floor, tho it was softer then it should have been your head struck it hard with a bone cracking force, you groaned laying there sobbing and gasping as your arm head and ribs were in agony, seeing blood, you cried harder heaving and  panicking when your vision went fuzzy then heard the door be all but ripped off its hinges and saw someone you didn’t recognize, he looked around a year or so older then you black hair, blue eyes. He kneeled beside you then looked up inspecting your arm wincing there was bone....

You woke up stretching and yawning it had been three weeks since you got here...and things were pretty sweet, you had a comfy bed free reign of the kitchen and a private bathroom. You hadn't really trained with the others yet just a few practice sessions that ended reasonably well most of the time you'd read, using various books to help you understand what was possible then sort of felt your way about the place and kept to yourself as much as you could which wasn't much as you found they all wanted you to feel welcome....It was hard not to become close but you kept saying to yourself it was temporary despite what Diana had said Clark hasn't been near you since the first night, only popping in briefly then off again for days on end it didn't give you much hope for the future.

But you assumed by now they all knew the story so you cant blame them, no one wants to be around a mad meta-human so its understandable...not that your mad at least you didn't think you were just gifted and confused. You quickly threw your hair up out of the way ignoring your thoughts, you’d rather not fall into that little debate again for now, wanting to just get your powers under control and get out of here before you get to attached. Taking your current architecture book, this you was using to find different types of structural systems which is the strongest and most reliable ect and made your way to the training room, today you were testing something out...A theory you'd been working on basically you wanted to make some stairs see how many things you could hold at once.

You opened the door to the room you’d been working in. It was tall and must be about ten meters across each way not the biggest in the watchtower but it was enough for you. You placed the book at the door open on a page depicting floating stairs. It should be easy just platforms from the walls big enough to step on you flared your power feeling your way around then took a deep breath to the side stretching out a hand to the wall, metal with concrete behind it, you started moving one foot up pulling a platform from the wall then another above this continued until you was a fair height you opened your eyes looking down you’d made it half way up the tall room you smiled it had worked!

You jumped for joy then moved faster paying less attention trying to force it on auto pilot climbing higher you faltered a little the next step was a little uneven, it looked tilted and .....iffy you gulped looking down only now realizing just how high your were you slumped back against the wall a little nervous, maybe you should have had someone in here with you but hindsight was 20/20 staying still for a few moments you took deep breaths collecting yourself, that was enough you thought you turned placing both hands on the wall completely freaked out as you made a slow descent making sure two feet were firmly placed on each step before you moved to the next as you went down the stairs you got maybe eight steps then all hell broke loose.

A few fell away as you panicked but tried to breath through it only for more to slip back into the wall in your addled mind you panicked watching the steps one by one collapse you made a snap decision and made a leap of faith crying out as you smacked your ribs on it making you try and scream you couldn't make a sound winded , you scrabbled on the step flailing legs trying to find purchase your eyes widened watching as the rest disappeared then the one you held crumbled away you screamed pulling at the ground to help but in the confusion you only smashed a few pillars into you one clipped your waving arm

"Shit shit hold on y/n, I'll get dad just stay here okay? Don’t-don’t go to sleep okay?" He dissapeared then returned seconds later with Clark Diana and Barry close behind. Clark swore seeing your crumpled form running to sit beside you, he didn't need his x-ray vision to see that you'd broken your arm as it had snapped and was sticking out crudely at an odd angle he sat by your head stroking your hair whispering softly to you trying to calm you down as you panicked crying and hyperventilating.

"Shh shh its okay, I've got you I've got you, Barry can you tell Bruce whats happened we need a car, ambulance or something, Diana can you help hold her still I've got to move her ,get her to the hospital, I can't fly her there could cause an infection or something." Diana crouched beside you shushing you trying to help calm you, moving your head to look at her you tried moving but screamed loud, Clark placed a hand on your tummy holding you still.

"Don’t move y/n don’t move Let me do it okay? Diana I need her on her back can you hold her shoulder I don’t want to move her arm to much Yet ready one... two.. three" everyone winced as you cried out loud your pain echoed in the room

"Shh shh its okay your doing really well I'm here its going to be okay...Konner can you get a cloth we are going to have to stop the bleeding" he looked nervous

"Can't you just laser-" Clark shook his head

"Shes human and will need a cast for it to heal kon we can't explain that in hospital, a clean cloth konner now!" Bruce came running in with a medium black box he swore loud seeing you on the floor.

"Bruce whats that?" He ignored Diana and quickly stopped by you opening the case pulling out a small needle and vial filling the needle with half a dose he would use himself.

"Tramadol, I always have some here incase...Clark I need a vein find one!" Clark moved from your sight making you whine trying to move your head to him. Clark pointed one out on the inside of your arm Bruce’s hand shook he was stopped by Barry.

"We can't just give her tramadol! If they give her morphine it could cause a reaction, We need to get her to the hospital...We can't explain how we gave her tramadol" you looked up as you felt someone else by your broken arm the blue eyed teen went to press the cloth hard over the wound on your arm Diana called out to him

"No head, head the arm will stop bleeding before the head!" He nodded shuffling forward holding it to your head you cried out.

"FFFUUUUCCKK! Fuckfuckfuck noNOOOONO PLEASE STOP!" You screamed at him Clark looked over to a distraught konner who hesitated.

"Keep it there, hold on y/n we get you to a hospital soon just hold on okay sweetheart"

"Yeah don’t go towards any white lights" that brought on a whole new flood of tears as everyone screamed

"BARRY!" you weept as Diana cradled your head in her lap holding you still for konner and making sure your arm was left alone.Bruce was already on the phone to the ambulance requesting one to come over immediately two blocks down where Clark could take you as Clark repeated what he saw.

"Snapped right through the radius and ulna, broken ribs and cracked head, heavy bleeding" Bruce recounted what Clark had said

"Five minuets away okay yes we already moved her to stem the bleeding, shes pale already we will be outside yes" he put the phone down.

"Five minuets we have to move her they think shes on third" Clark bit his lip you cried begging them not to touch you.

"Konner, Barry open the doors for me" you shook your head at him as he moved slowly.

"NO! Please don’t Clark-Clark please don't it hurts I don't want to move" he ignored you taking the cloth from konner pressing it firmly

"Hey hey its okay, just breath I promise I'll be so quick you might not even notice okay? But we need to get you to the hospital, now deep breath in and out that's it good girl breathe in and out" he used the the moment you breathed out to quickly move your arm as gently and fast as possible. Your breathing hitched then you screamed again feeling the boned move.

"YOU FUCK YOU FUCKING FUCK!" He closed his eyes trying to calm himself down he felt bad but it had to be done he couldn't move you anywhere with it dangling about, opening his eyes he crouched over you wiping at the tears hushing you.

"Good girl all done the worst is over now ,I'm so proud of you, now we can move you without touching it again , we don’t need to move it anymore" 

"Y-you promise?" He nodded moving tucking you up into his arms the stood up with you pulling you against his chest making sure to stem the blood from your head wound, the bleeding front your arm had slowed but he was worried you were drowsy, very weak you head lulled back eyes unfocused and you was very pale.

"I need something to cover her shes cold, shes gonna pass out" konner shrugged off his heavy coat placing it over her gently tucking it down between her and his dad making sure it was secure.

"The apartments on 3rd right?" Bruce nodded

"Y/n close your eyes honey" you closed them as tight as you could still moaning in pain, it was unbearable there was a rush of air then nothing you'd passed out.

When you come to you were in a white room with huge animal stickers across the walls you grunted then whined at the fluorescent lights you moved your arm to your face noticing a thick bandage. Looking around you saw you was in a private hospital room. Scanning the room you noticed Clark slumped in the chair beside you and the teen from before. The door opened and you saw a woman you didn't recognize she looked kind and chilled out holding a cardboard drinks holder with three cups in it, she stopped short and smiled looking relieved.

"You know you gave them quite a scare...I haven't seen Clark that frightened since...well I don't think I have ever seen him that frightened" you moved sitting up wincing she quickly placed the cups down

"Whoa slowly honey that's it slowly are you in any pain? They said the medication would last longer but you now how doctors are..."you shook your head no.

"Groggy, err what happened?" You trailed off as Clark stirred beside you then blinked his face lit up as he saw you awake and he quickly grabbed you tugging you in for a hug you yelped a little in surprise making the bed shake small pins forming on the surface as it tried to stop the offending body that launched itself at you, you caught it in time, he tucked your head under his chin running his fingers across your scalp holding you for a few seconds then pulled back holding your shoulders looking stern.

"Don’t you ever do that again, you hear me you almost gave me a heart attack! You nearly bled out! You don’t train alone ever! Not until I know you can handle it Do you understand me?!" You nodded slowly at him not quite with it then looked at the woman who stood at the bottom of the bed the blue eyed boy got up standing next to where Clark sat at the head of the bed.

"Clark? Where? Whats going on?" He looked down at you kissing your head he sighed tucking you under his arm.

"You lost focus and panicked you fell about twelve foot, you had a nasty break snapped your ulna and radius, broke three ribs and cracked your head open, you lost a lot of blood, they had to operate on your arm and you've had a few blood transfusions" you looked at your wrapped arm then followed the canula that tied you to a beeping machine with an iv bag that was half full of clear liquid you gulped.

"W-why is it beeping whats wrong?" The woman came over sitting on your right side straightening your arm making the beep stop

"Its when you cut off the tube, there see? Now it can carry on"  you looked from her then to Clark and blinked.

"Oh god don’t tell me Bruce had to pay for all that..." Clark shared a look with the other two in the room.

"Well he would have happily you know that but it just so happens Ma's insurance covers the whole family soo" you froze snapping your head up to him.

"I’m not family" He smiled at you then nodded to the woman sitting on your right.

"This is my mother Martha and my son Konner....as of yesterday they have been your brother and grandmother....Diana told you I was going to adopt you its only just been finalized, Konner and I came to get you yesterday we wanted to surprise you then he heard you screaming ...we've been working on your room at home and on the farm for the past few weeks, its why I haven't been around much I had a lot of paper work and court appearance's Bruce helped me through it all... but its all done....your officially  y/n Y/l/n Kent now." You bit your lip looking down shaking your head. No they couldn't have. You sniffed. Then felt the woman place her hand on your back rubbing it.

"Hey hey what the matter? Its okay" you shook your head using your good hand to wipe at your eyes trying desperately not to cry but failed miserably.she wrapped an arm around your shoulder pulling you in letting you cry on her you just kept shaking your head not willing to believe that someone had actually chose to keep,you, it had to be a mistake, or some sick joke. No one adopted teens, once you hit twelve you aged out.

"Hey whats with the tears? We don't look that bad do we?" You shook your head at the woman pulling back from her.

"No I-you cant" you couldn't even  get the words out around your sobs, you was confused and happy and terrified all in one. Clark interrupted

"Who says I cant? Your ours now and your coming to live with us" you hiccuped still trying to bite back your small shuddering sobs.

"I-I don't have to move again? And I get to stay?" He wrapped you up in his arms again .

"No your not going any where now, your stuck with us and when we leave here we are all going to the farm for a while to settle then you'll be moving back into metropolis with me and Konner...why don't you introduce yourself Konner?" He moved forward smiling shyly

"Im glad your okay now....don't do it again tho it wasn't...nice watching you bleed out like that" you smiled at him wiping your eyes trying to stop the tears.

"Thank you for finding me....if you hadn't I don't know what would have happened.. and I’m sorry for screaming at you..." he waved it off"Its okay you were hurt so of course you would scream at me, and I couldn’t let my little sister die before picking on her at least once wheres the fun in that." You fidgeted with the blanket.

"Y-you don’t mind having me around? Even near your grandma? I’m not exactly safe" he shook his head going to speak but was cut off by his grandma taking hold of your chin.

"No you are not dangerous," you held up your arm but she shook her head

"Yes so it was a stupid decision But you wont do it again, even with your powers your human just like me and need to be more careful, besides I'm pretty sure I can handle it, he got his laser vision when he was seven, try that for dangerous" you looked to Clark unsure but he shrugged nodding.

"Its true she raised me and came out fighting any way we've already established that you can acclimatize your powers to other people nothing happens with Diana Bruce or Barry anymore me and konner just need to hang around until you reach that point hence why we are going to the farm for a while first."

"How do you know that?" He sighed

"I may not have been around but Bruce kept me updated" you looked down again Martha sat back smiling you were lost, just as lost as konner had been but she knew you'd come around it will take time you haven't had anyone for a long time, Clark had let both her and konner know what had happened and about your power she was excited to have a granddaughter around the house for a while.

"Plus it will be good to get you away from the city for a while, whens the last time you got out of the city and had some fresh air?" You shook your head tilting it a bit

"Never left Gotham before" she smiled at you

"Well are you in for a shock, huge open spaces fresh air its really something"  Clark smiled as you relaxed konner piped up"It really is, there's lots of space to let loose and you can practice your power thing in the garden" you looked to Clark who smiled brightly at you

"Yes its just about time to start planting crops so you can help out on the fields and in the potting barn" you smiled eyes lighting up

"I've never grown nothing before, can I grow tomatoes And cucumber?" Martha nodded at you making you glow.

"After you catch up on your classes, your nearly a eight months behind in every subject" you frowned at him shaking his head

"What no I'm not-" he leaned back crossing his arms at you

"Yes you are, I was given your transcripts you have been slowly falling behind since switching to online so we have a strict schedule in place that your going to follow to catch up, konner will be there to he is doing online as well so your going to have a classmate" you looked at konner stumped.

"Is he serious?"

"Deadly I’m afraid, but I will help you so don’t sweat it" you nodded you didn’t mind really it will be nice having someone who really cared who wasn’t paid to do it you smiled leaning back a little Clark caught you moving in to quickly kiss your head

"I'm sure it wont be that bad" the door opened and a doctor came in with a smile crossing the room quickly standing at the bottom of the bed.

"So how is the patient today? Well your up which is good any pain at all?" You shook your head curling into Clark....You didn't like doctors one bit. He stood at the end of your bed reading the clipboard.

"Well that’s good" he smiled to you then began talking to Clark making you frown a little it was odd...being treated like a kid, when your an orphan people tend to treat you different older they know your more independent but now your doctor was bypassing you opting to speak about you not to you, Martha caught your confusion and patted your hand.

"Her blood is back to normal and the ob's are fine, I see no reason to keep,her in any longer there’s no fever or anything that could show an infection so you can probably leave today, just need to remove the iv and get a cast put on I will have someone come up to take you down for that in the next hour or so." Clark nodded then spoke

"Is it going to scar?" The doctor hesitated"It was a nasty break, clean cut but nasty it probably will leave a scar but I'm not sure how bad it will probably just be a small one where the bone came through the skin" you gasped

"It came through? Ew.... did someone get a picture?" konner laughed nodding moving to pull out his phone making the adults sigh

"Hell yeah look" you did immediately regretting it.

"OH FUCK I’m gonna be sick, we are white meat....looks like a chicken fillet" you bent over heaving Clark sighed rubbing your back you hissed as the movement pulled on your ribs.

"Kon put it away, what about her ribs will they heal? And her head?"

"Head will be fine the stitches will dissolve and her ribs will be if she takes it easy, the bandage she had on now will help but she has to go slow and come back for a check up" he flipped the chart

"Metropolis? I will arrange for you to go there for the check up" Clark corrected him

"Could you make it Smallville medical center? We are going to stay there for a while, I’m thinking if she wont listen to me she will listen to grandma" you flushed feeling a strange warmth in your chest as he said that....this was going to take a while to get used to. The doctor smiled chuckling

"Now that does sound like a good idea, cast will be on for a minimum of seven weeks...in her case probably longer."

"Will she get a color one?" The doctor nodded to konner

"Well we have a pretty bright pink-"

"Black....I want black" he stuttered looking for help from the others who all shrugged

"I don’t think we have black at the moment there’s pink,purple, lime green, orange and blue but you can ask when you get there. Now I’m going to go and cal a nurse to get that iv out." You blinked as he left the room.

"Well he was fucking rude barely spoke to me....just you I'm going on trust pilot what was his name again?" Martha laughed and Clark snorted

"Its called having a dad, I sort out the adult stuff now remember? You just be a kid" you faltered looking down it will take time, Clark cast a look over you to Martha who shook her head konner sensed the awkwardness and quickly interrupted.

"Can I draw on your cast....never drawn on one before." You regarded konner for a second"You gonna draw a dick on it?" He shook his head smirking

"Okay but if you do draw a dick on it I'm gonna draw one on your face in your sleep....just saying"

"No one is drawing dicks on any one" Clark rolled his eyes at the two teens, he'd admit he was a little worried about how you two would be but something tell's him your both going to be fine, you both had been crying out for someone who you couldn't accidentally hurt and that was going to be your starting point, no doubt there was going to be bumps along the way but for now he was happy, his family was growing happy and healthy he couldn't ask for more than that.

[nannyqueenbeastie89]

Nanny Singleness

I didn't think it was possible to write such a thing as my experience into my singleness. I remember reading similar stories and thinking “why would anyone want to write something so personal and share it for the whole world to know?” And then I had my own, and found that writing about it, was not only helpful to myself but maybe it will help someone else who has gone through or going through the mile stone of being single. There really are phases you go through, and its interesting to look back and think of all the emotions I felt and went through, with what now feels like such a short period. Time has flown by and seeing already all the new things I've done and the memories I have created along the way. The new friends I made, and friends that have stuck by my side through  it all. So here goes my insight of my own phases that I went through up to the point I am at now in my life.

Month One This is what I call the EVERY Emotion stage. I bounced back and forth the first month through so many feelings, doubts, fears, tears, anger, sadness, self hurt, low self esteem, and yes pettiness. And man was that an emotional month. I tried to do it all in one month. ‘Get over it” suuuuuuure!!! Who in the hell was I kidding. Even up till now I have my moments, they just aren't as intense or hard to get through.

Doubt: I doubted myself, and felt as though I hadn't done enough. Or I wasn't enough. I doubted being loved, or being lovable. I doubted everything, even God at one point. I thought if he allowed me to face such a toxic and heavy relationship why should I trust him? But I needed to take a step back and look back to where I went wrong… and man, that was not easy. Needless to say, it wasn't even about him (my ex). It turns out, I allowed so much to be ok, which then brought me to a point. I’ll be sure to touch on this a bit later.

Fear: I feared being alone, for once in my life I chose to walk away from someone, but was truly scared to do so. In part because I was told I couldn't do anything without them and they continuously reminded me of “all” they had done for me and saying I wouldn't be or have what I did had it not been for their “help” so naturally I was scared to step away thinking they were right. (And am I glad I didn't allow those thoughts to take over.

Tears: If you ever think of the amount of water that falls from your eyes, I can tell you I could have possibly filled buckets with the amount of tears I cried. During that first month, I cried so much. I felt like I had lost this battle of love. because when I love, I love hard. I see no one but that person and they could do no wrong in my eyes. I cried over the could of’s, would of’s, should of’s and possibilities. But none of that mattered anymore, I had to start fresh and rebuild myself.

Anger: I didn't know the power behind my own anger, but I sure did now. I didn't go about destroying anyones property, but I definitely decided to break some old things that no longer served me purpose. In some sense that was my therapy. Breaking things meant I could pour my energy into that. Break it and it would shatter. All those broken pieces were what symbolized what I felt at that particular moment and I could truly let it go. I didn't want to bottle up the anger so I destroyed things that I knew I could. And boy, when I say I let it out, I really let those things “have it” I yelled, I cried, I was angry. Angry mainly at myself for allowing any person at that matter to control me the way they did. As I sat back angry, it really had nothing to do with the person themselves. I had to realize it started with ME! Yes… ME. I had to see that I played a big part, although no one deserves to be in a bad relationship, what you put up with and allow will continue. It came into play, everything I thought was easy to blame on the other, in reality had nothing to do with them. I truly had to step out of my own box and realize that I was wrong in so many situations. Now mind you that doesn't take away what was done and contributed by  the other person. And you have to see that ITS OK TO BE WRONG. We have all been and done wrong in one point or another in our lives. Acknowledge it, learn from it, and move on! And that was a hard pill to swallow. Then came more tears, because I felt defeated. Sadness: This is where after all the emotions had set in, my sadness came. Sadness can turn ugly in itself, because your mind plays with you. Tells you that things can get better, and maybe they can, but then you have to know that who ever you were with at that moment was just not meant for you. Period. But that goes for Men and Women. That sadness brought me to a point where I looked up and practically begged God why. Although I always told myself  I wouldn't question God, I did. I just didn't understand how I loved someone so hard, and they just simply didn't love me the same. I was left heartbroken, and my heart torn to pieces because even with all the good memories I looked back on, it just wasn't what it was anymore. And there was nothing I could do to change that. It was no longer my place to try and “fix”. There was no more energy I could pour into it. I remember finally giving up and explaining how the “happiness” and “good” was just gone. I had mentally checked out a while ago. And all because of comfort and routine. Although I did get to meet some great people. It sucks to think that when you break up with someone you break up with practically everyone that came along. But in this case I couldn't “break up” with everyone. I show one face to everyone. So if they chose to still keep my friendship I was no one to let them go. I'm thankful that I do have some beautiful friendships that blossomed out of a difficult situation.

Self Hurt: This phase was bad… i grew up a certain way, where my parents taught me to avoid anything that could ruin who I am as a person. My parents taught me that drinking and partying wasn't a good look for a classy woman… BUT, it my moment of hurt… ALL of that literally went out the window, and I didn't care. This was the phase where I did make some not so smart and pretty stupid decisions. This slapped me hard in the face when I spoke to someone and they saw how bad I was starting to look. I didn't bring anything that was personal to work, but this day, I guess I looked a hot mess. This mom I will forever be grateful for. She spoke to me on a level that was loving and understanding, she really didn't judge me. And said this simply “before you lose your self, think of why you come to work” and that was all that needed to be said. The self destruct button was turned off and I decided to start acting right. Its crazy to look back and see the support I got from people who hadn't even known me long. But because I earned their trust and they saw the person I am, they knew that deep down I was hurting. Each person that gave me advice even without knowing the situation made me feel that I could get through anything.

Low Self Esteem: This was probably my hardest phase i felt towards the end of the first month.  I got very self conscience and compared myself to pretty much every woman around me. I thought I wasn't pretty enough. I wasn't skinny enough. I should have been a different race, from a different culture, had a different family, was smarter. I should have been more physically attractive. Everything you could think of… I thought it. i broke myself down. Tore my self apart, and thought no one will ever love me. I think growing up for anyone a family doesn't realize that what they pour into a Childs mind and what they “feed” them daily mentally, and emotionally. Plays a huge part on the patterns of their life. This opened up a huge window for me to realize that the biggest reason I didn't feel lovable was because my father never said the words “I Love You” Now thats a phrase that even in this moment is hard to write and read without it hitting me. Those are the most sacred and intimate words. Any one can say it, anyone can read it, anyone can write it. But how many say it with real feeling? Love isn't just something you throw around. But after all I have been through and felt, I know that I will be waiting for the right moment to allow myself to love and be loved. The Low Self Esteem will go away.

Pettiness: I can admit, woman can be petty. We will do anything in our power “to show you” when reality is. NOBODY CARES!!!! I tried to be as petty as possible. But that served no purpose, and all I was doing was being and acting dumb. Which aligned with the self hurt. It was a poor choice I made. But even in the grieving process of my heart break, I managed to take a step back and reevaluate myself. Which now brings me into my second month.

Month two: The road to healing. This was when I really decided enough was enough. And I decided to self care. That meant challenging myself on so many levels. I follow a group named Bold Without Apology. And shall I say, I have learned a lot from these guys. Ive followed this group of guys from before they even started. But even with meeting them, I knew something powerful was coming. Little did I know they would have such a powerful impact on my healing. Now, there were a lot of other factors that came into play. I decided to actually appreciate the faith side of me. Forgive myself of anything, and let go of everything I could no longer control. I allowed myself to be vulnerable to me. To really seek strength within myself. Cant tell you how many times i fell to my knees and cried and begged God to just take it all away. But even then I had to learn to be alone. Silence, to be surrounded by nothing and no one, just myself and my loneliness. Thats when I started to come to terms with my new move, all the changes being made. Even though it hit me at once. My weekends, my group of friends, my weeks, and routines I was use to was all about to change. And I was more scared than ever. Because that meant I was going to be fully dependent on me. No Papi, and mommy. No friends, now no boyfriend. But God and myself. Trusting that God had it all under control. Yes, that was a scary thought too. I knew that I trusted God, and always had, but getting to this point in my life I had to REALLY trust in God. Trust that even now I would probably fail, over and over again. There is nothing wrong with failing. When you fail, it gives you full room to grow. But you have to be willing to get up and change yourself for the benefit of you. It all starts with your own mind, your own feelings and how you are going to set your self apart. And really take your journey seriously.

Month Three: Opening New Doors I was always afraid of doing anything outside of my element. Which brings me to the point where I took this month to really reflect. This was the month where i fully took action into being single. I had to stop being afraid of doing things alone. I had to stop comparing my life to others. Each person has their own journey. NO ONES is better than the other. I will say again NO ONES is better than the other. Everyone has something that they are great at. And everyone figures that out in their own timing. Mine I knew what my calling was since I was a kid. The humor in it, that as a child I knew I wanted to do something with kids. Maybe it had something to do with my upbringing. My life had an “ok” start. But you would have to hear my story to understand what that part of me is. I just always knew I wanted to work with kids. I got fully involved with my church at a young age, and even though I was young and still learning I put my full heart and energy into serving. It was such a beautiful time for me. I felt I had all the world could give me. Also part of reflecting. This was where my journey began. My humble beginnings. I reflected on where I started and then realized how far I had actually come. Reflecting on that gave me the power to see that I had over come a lot in that time frame. Which then empowered me to keep moving forward and see that I can do this. And even if I fail at least I have the power to pick myself up and keep moving. I GOT ME NOW!!

Month Four: The fun month To know what that means, this is the month that I entered another year of life. This month really showed me, not only the people that still stuck by my side but helped me to enjoy whats become one of the best years of my life. This month passed and left so quickly. I was happy and sad all at once. I can honestly say that so many people treated me for my birthday that between work and outings, I was busy literally every day in the week, to every weekend. This month was a bit of a tiring one haha. Who knew that you actually need a break from having fun. I had the best time. There is always that joke of “birthday month” I now know what that means. I had a freaking blast. I met knew people, did things that I normally wouldn’t. I stepped out my own box and really enjoyed the world around me. I spent time with people that I hadn't in a very long time. And with people I met along the way. Even though it was a fun month I kept thinking to just enjoy the single journey. I did however have a moment of sadness, because I was use to enjoying birthdays with a significant other, I took in the moment, allowed the moment to come, I let my tears out. Cried all I could, took a deep breath and then simply let it go. That moment was hard, because it felt like a wall came down on me. I wanted that text, phone call, or even being woken up with the “happy birthday baby’ feeling. But this year it wasn't that. The moment and feeling was different. And at the end of the day it was all ok. I survived, and smiled because after all was said and done I still had amazing people by my side. That really made me feel special. I mean they don't call me BEASTIE for nothing haha!! Know that even in the happiest moments its ok to have a sad one too. But like Tony Robbins says “have your moment, but don't stay there” I have followed that all through my journey and saw that it has made my life sooooo much easier because I let a lot of things go. I don't need validation or the attention. I don't need to seek anything out. Now working on me, I have become dependent on me. And that has been the best feeling.

Month Five: Getting comfortable This month I really dedicated my time to my work. Reading on things and getting involved with the community of moms and other nannies. I decided to join groups, and start seeking other ways to build myself and my skill. Taking care of kids is no joke. Especially if they are not your own. I don't think people really see the hard work it takes to care for some else’s child. With being so focused, I then had a thought. I was so focused on work and doing my own thing that having a “partner” no longer seemed like a necessity. Would I like to be with someone? Sure… why not? But as I look farther and father into that thought, I'm really starting to see that being on my own, being alone, isn't so much a bad thing. Im too grown to think less than. I do know what I bring to the table and if it isn’t accepted then no need to worry. Move on with life as happy as ever. The world isn't going to end if I don't have someone in my life. Thats the part that makes me a little nervous because I like being single. Meeting practically someone new everyday. You really pay attention to those around you when you focus.

Month Six: Accomplished I had sat a goal, I gave myself six months to really take myself serious, and show myself that I didn't need to be seeking attention from others. I didn't need to move on to the next one so quick. I didn't need to rebound anyone. I didn't need to date anyone. (Except for my own damn self hahaha) I didn't need to rush into anything. I just didn’t!!!! Goodness hahaha I hit six months with a new outlook in life. I really saw the real sides of many people along the way. I saw what fake actually looks like, I saw what lying so much, that you believe your own lies looked like. I saw the deepest of love from others. I saw what support looks like. And I definitely saw who I should and shouldn't open up to looks like. I saw my strengths and weaknesses. I saw my dark and light. I saw my fail and now my rise. I saw that I no longer had to be the shadow, but the full leader of my own life. It didn't matter how I grew up, what they said, how they said it, what has happened in my life. Because I am alive today, for what ever reason God said I deserve to be here. And if I'm not dead yet, well then who am I to tear myself down and not live my life to the fullest. I felt more accomplished now than I ever have. Call it what ever, but I sure did learn the in’s and out’s of myself. I learned what I'm willing to put up with and what I'm not. I know one thing is for sure. If a grown man wants you he will do what ever it takes to get you, and do everything in his power to keep you, he will give you your place. If there is anything I learned from my own father was. The MAN always chases. He courts and does the necessary to show where his woman stands in his life. Regardless of things now. I have fuller and higher expectations of a mans place. I am truly in a happier place in my life. I wouldn't wish bad on anybody, but I will close with this. Karma is real, and what you do to others WILL come back to you and when it does remember when you thought you were slick and could play??? Well… sucks to be you lol. That goes for both men and woman. Adults don't play games, if you set yourself up to do something, then do so and follow your own word. Your word is everything, especially to yourself. In the end, take real time for yourself, and really learn. BE ALONE and GROW!!!! There is nothing more rewarding than that of a mature mind, and a mature person. In fact it is what attracts a more suitable companion. We shall see what these next six months have in store for me. Until then, this nanny will continue and listen to herself and love on her self, and be herself. I'm here for me and no one else.

Beastie Out! xoxo