#I could’ve had a slice of pizza for less cals | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

cassieminus-blog · 7 years

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I think one of the most toxic mental games I used to play was the one that involved the ridiculous justification of how much I was eating. “the donuts + eggs + coffee were breakfast and the cake was a snack and then the grilled cheese and chips were lunch and then the...” and boom. it’s 4pm and I’ve already eaten a few thousand calories. I found comfort in food, and I didn’t want to face the fact that I was eating way more of it than I needed. As long as I could classify something I pigged out on as a meal or a snack, then I could justify having eaten it, right? School’s hard. My family stresses me out. I’m in a fight with a friend. I’m not in a good mood. I need to focus on myself first. All excuses that I used time and time again to postpone taking weight loss seriously. I never got too out of control, probably because weight loss was always on my mind (and something I actively worked towards in little spurts) and because I was generally a reasonably active person. But still; my relationship with food has always been pretty bad and I didn’t know what a healthy portion looked like for the longest time.

And now I feel free. I’m not perfect and I’d be lying if I said I never craved an entire pie. But I know that I can eat a healthy amount of food and then be full from it for several hours if not the bulk of the day. I’m understanding how my thin friends have stayed thin their whole lives and I’m somewhat emulating them and their healthy eating habits. I only wish I’d learned sooner how to eat well.

Learning that I can have all my favorite foods has been so freeing! I can drink alcohol, I can eat donuts and ice cream and pizza...it just has to be in moderation. And sometimes it’s easier not to eat them at all so I have enough calories for fresh, healthy meals, or I know I won’t be able to have very much within my calorie framework for the day so I elect to save more calories up for another day. When you think the way CICO makes you think, you become wiser about how you ‘spend’ your calories and you don’t want to just throw them around. Consequently, you make better food choices that revolve around the quality of the food, how much you care for it, and how it meshes with that big salad you have planned for dinner. You think more logically, and more thriftily, about food.

And it’s been freeing. This morning I had a big slice of oat nut bread toasted with two eggs, a piece of turkey sausage and a coffee for breakfast. The calorie count? 335, which means I have plenty of calories for lunch, dinner and at least one snack. and I’m full, and satisfied, and will be for several hours. I don’t need sugary donuts. I could’ve had one and been fine, but this filled me up and provided more nutritious value. and now I have energy and feel satisfied. that’s the power of CICO; you don’t have to make good food choices, but half the time you do anyways.

Eating has always been a source of comfort for me. and it still is something I enjoy, obviously. Food is good. But I’ve controlled my use of food as a source of comfort so that now, I let my planned meals and snacks make me happy (ie. I don’t fight the happy, sleepy feeling brought on by a bowl of pasta) but I don’t actively seek out comfort by eating. Besides, you know what’s comfortable? Wearing new, smaller clothes that fit like a glove. Feeling comfortable in the heat rather than sweating buckets. Feeling good in my own damn skin. And these are things that losing weight will help me achieve. so fuck eating for comfort; I’m finding comfort from new energy sources now. whether it’s a workout, an episode of Friends, a conversation with a friend or a cup of coffee with 20 cal of creamer, there are ways I can find comfort that are a lot less damaging to my health and weight. Besides, I can fit 240 calorie ice cream pints into my daily routine and use those as a source of comfort without gaining a ton of weight. It’s probably not the healthiest thing in the world, but if I’m gonna emotionally eat I may as well create a caloric deficit while I do it.

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