#I don't think ''things aren't that bad'' is an accurate summation

[lesbianchemicalplant]

even some anti-zionist jews do this thing of like, downplaying the influence of zionism on our communities, saying it’s “not that bad” (“it’s more popular with christians anyway” etc.) even while being very aware of concrete effects of that influence

like, saying it’s Not That Bad one day, but then a couple days later giving the [correct] advice to prospective conversion students “don’t let on that you oppose zionism, directly lie if you have to, assume the rabbi will not work with you if they find out”

I think that finding yourself giving that advice indicates that things are pretty fucking bad. if that’s “not that bad”, then what the fuck would Bad look like?

[snow-and-saltea]

About your personal post - people without depression can say weird and disheartening things about it because they don't understand, so when I was at my worst, I ended up talking instead to people I didn't know (like free helplines) because then if they said something unhelpful/upsetting, I didn't take it so personally and it didn't undermine a relationship. I could get the stuff off my chest, then when I felt a bit better, could then go back to communicating with people I actually knew. I don't know if this might be helpful but it definitely was to me, because people can accidentally be so awful without meaning to. That said, please do reach out for help in some form - things will improve even if it doesn't feel like it now. Sending you all the best <3

(i privated the personal vent post so this looks out of context but)

thank you for this really sincere and kind response anon :'))

mhmm. i think what helped ground me now, i guess, was the reminder that they're still trying to help me and their perspective is no more or less important than my own. and that they're not an evil or bad person (hence they aren't setting out to hurt me on purpose) and neither am i for disagreeing. if we have the same goal of helping me, the power to redirect or reroute advice is as much as in my hands as it with the other person. i think i made myself too passive of an object (something being done to me, as opposed to a subject, doing something in the world) and i was too caught up in the quagmire of my own mind about how i feel about being an object, the emotional politics of things and their role in this mental warfare ive somehow concocted, rather than if i had just switched gears to become a subject. is this explanation easy to follow? hopefully it does!! sjdhskdhskfjdkfk the way my mind works is not very easy to explain or understand because i am constantly very meta about my thoughts and it creates complications that i have to take time to unravel, so i decided to go for levity (kinda, i can never be quite as concise as normal people).

with that outta the way though, what you said did give me pause and i thought was really insightful, thank you! i think one of the reasons i found it difficult to disagree with them is because we have a history or connection of some kind that allows for misunderstanding to flower really easily, and because humans personalise everything, its not easy to be a detached, easy going person who is both balancing taking me seriously + being kind and understanding with no serious lines about where it should end bc of nebulosity (and that leads to feeling impatient and exhausted acting against your natural disposition or instinct. which is what i also felt i was the victim of, so to subject someone else to that situation would be hypocritical of me and so i know its not the right perspective i should latch to).

that kinda went into multiple strands of thoughts ajdhskdj but the bottom line is, yeah! i agree with your advice, its very helpful. i often feel fearful of going to talk to people who i know will agree and or understand my stance, because i am always very wary of behaviours that lead to false honesty for myself. false honesty as in... i can say whatever i want and it'll technically be the truth, but its not an accurate summation of reality or what actually happened, and so i always feel wary about confiding in people with just my side of the story because i worry about my influence on other people's biases that would lead them to agree with me, and i don't like being right on the sole fact that i was convincing enough (simply by virtue of being confident or emotionally charged and firm in my interpretation of reality / the situation). i think ill have to strike a balance between finding the appropriate and relevant amount of context to solicit advice, but also not too much perspective that i get muddled with ideas that are not my own and get confused on what are my feelings and what aren't. and also!! i guess!! i just need to have (temporary, but fruitful) trust in whoever im talking to that they are a person with their own life experiences that inform their judgement, and not everything hinges on me being completely unbiased (bc its an impossible bar to reach even at the best of times) and that they have their own reasonings that remain unaffected by how i speak. if there's a gap in information, they can ask it, and i can volunteer it, and there doesn't need to be me overexplaining everything at the same time with multiple parantheses and caveats jwhksjdkd its something im prone to doing.

now that im more clear-headed, i can see how both ways of asking advice can have pros and cons. asking advice from someone i don't know relies on the universality of "common sense" and social instincts/principles of what is appropriate and inappropriate and it can help to simplify the matter to the essential thing at the center most point, and it can help me figure out if i'm overcomplicating things by thinking too much about accommodating personality quirks and letting the wrong thing slide / personalising it too much w my own perspective. it risks oversimplifying a lot of things, but it also can be grounding with reminding me if a situation can / SHOULD be as straightforward as it looks, and all that.

whereas asking advice from someone i do know, its a lot more personal because that person probably knows things about me i don't or they know things about me that i overlook or disown / dismiss that they think are noteworthy. whether or not they're valid points of concern is another topic, but the point is, contextualising things and advice so that it is something that i will most likely follow / need to hear for me specifically is important because it gives more basis as to where they're coming from, bc they're not saying stuff blindly. although, yeah, they can be pretty hurtful when they come from or are delivered badly because i feel like. "why are you saying this to me knowingly!! why are you hurting my feelings on purpose!! don't you know i don't like that!!" and there's a higher standard i have for people i know / have a close connection to because its tangled in a lot of history. the same goes the other way around, i also find it difficult to disagree on a purely logical perspective of "i don't agree with what you're saying about this" and its hard for them to not feel like they're being dismissed or to not take it personally, especially if they were passionate about being helpful.

i guess it's just the balancing act we have to do, so there's no other way to do it than to do it, even if badly. its ... tiring and daunting realising the potential each individual has to cause hurt, but i just have to trust that the world will spin as it always does, and i have to spin along with it, albeit imperfectly and clumsily.

once again, thank you for going out of your way to send a kind message when i was in the Depths of it, i truly appreciate it. seeing your message in my inbox made me weepy when i saw it, i felt very touched. squeezes you, i hope you have a wonderful week ahead of you, friend 💛🐢