#I envy the dolls and the puppy girls and the girlthings
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#I think I'm getting worse#I've always been anxious but it seems like lately I'm just a nervous wreck around people#like can't look people in the face most of the time let alone the eye#and some part of me is certain with razor sharp clarity that I'm so ugly and unpleasant that me merely looking at a stranger would be#objectionable? desecrating? threatening?#that I do my best to remain casual but never ever look at someone useless they're talking to me and maybe not even then#I'm afraid that people are mad at me all the time#and I'm ravenously desperate to be liked and accepted and wanted#or even just tolerated#so I assume that reaching out would be outre#that nobody *really* likes me or wants me around and I'd just be imposing myself where I'm not wanted#just like always#so I cut myself off and pack myself into as tiny of a space as I can and do nothing but cower and apologize#because I can never be pardoned of the sin that is myself#and the least I could do is dispose of myself#behold the scrupulous corpse! see how she apologized for her corrupted flesh! how she seals herself within the tomb!#I envy the dolls and the puppy girls and the girlthings#for I am the dead and all I can do is r o t#trapped inside of this putrid bloated flesh that I have no hope of redeeming#my tomb shall have no mirrors#and no mourners#and without them#and without me#I will finally be able to just sleep forever#corpseposting#perhaps the most cadaverous one yet
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