#I got like 8 panels that I think depict this particular brand of loneliness Hinamori (and Aizen) carry

[writerswhy]

Self-care for the Soul: Hinamori's Edition

(Or, my 2am rambles on Hinamori that briefly touch on nonviolence while I lightly express some fandom guilt ft. one mention of Frankenstein and some Tobiume hc 🫠 Thank you @bleachbleachbleach for your encouraging words on this post! <33)

TL;DR: Much of Hinamori’s external life has been chosen for her. She thrives at exercising a form of internal non-violence of the spirit, where despite the lack of tools (as a Rukongai ghost) and later in spite of the master’s tools (the Seireitei), she asserts her power through choice - choosing to love, defend, create - through which she fights back against the institution that created and enabled the violence inflicted upon her. This is in her nature, always has been since she befriended Hitsugaya to rescuing Hisagi.

"Be like the bird that, passing on her flight awhile on boughs too slight, feels them give way beneath her, and yet sings, knowing that she hath wings." -Victor Hugo

Sometimes I feel like such a fake Hinamori fan because I worry that my interpretations discredit her character, which isn't what I want at all! With regards to Aizen and forgiveness, I get a sense that the popular belief is that it is in Hinamori's nature or best interest to come to reject everything about their relationship, that she would even hate him, want to enact some form of violence on him. And that's all fine! I mean, anything is believable if you come at characterization from the lens of “what would make a character do XYZ?"….but I just can't help but feel like this is us (or at least me) moving on without her - which is how Hinamori canonically felt post-Winter War (and I would go so far as to say she's been feeling like this for a long time, since before leaving for the academy).

Like, would it help Hinamori to hate everything about him? To reject all of him? What is she, someone who deeply values her relationships and what she gets from them as much as she gives, choosing to leave behind by doing so? So much of her (external) life happens to her: she has to enter the academy because her powers awakened, she was pre-selected to join the 5th division for a plan that started decades before her and would be put into motion a few decades later, and of course both stabbings.

Given this, I think Hinamori is someone who appreciates making a choice of what she's given, often internal, often against the status quo, and gains exactly what she needs. She chooses to befriend Hitsugaya despite the village's rejection of him (and finds herself a lifetime partner); she stays behind to give Hitsugaya a proper goodbye even though it'll make her late to the academy on her first day (to keep Rukongai close which feels especially important given Seireitei wants to neglect, forget what's outside their walls); she chooses to save Hisagi against his orders (and years later she can look back and know she's brave); she chooses to defend Renji despite Byakuya's authority and Kira's acquiescence (and realizes that to stand up for what she believes in she may be the only one in the room left). And if she chooses to hold close the fond memories she created with Aizen and the lessons she learned from him, she'll know that under all his power laid her power too.

These choices she made are all born from her internal character and I think that's something she tries to hold onto (even when it feels like everyone is moving on without her, that the narrative is moving on without her, that fandom sometimes moves on without her).

And it's not because of the naivety or delusion that's so often attributed to her. It's this instinct to create, to save, to love, despite the lack of tools (and then in spite of the tools). I don't think it's far-fetched to believe that she, an artist who spends her free time reading (about history and fantasy, about the past and the future) would try to create what she needs, imperfect as it is. Hinamori has always been a "be the change you want to see" type of person.

Unlike Hisagi who fears his power in his own hands, Hinamori fears her power in the hands of others. In a way, it's a rejection of the Seireitei. In a way, it's a rejection of the institution that created and enabled the violence inflicted upon her.

——

(Another reason why I feel like a fake Hinamori fan is because I don't think she needs bankai to tie up her arc or to prove/reclaim her power. Like I mentioned above, I think Hinamori does a pretty solid job of reclaiming her power outside of Seireitei's tools. Bankai feels almost like a resignation to me. It's hard to explain without needing 2000+ words and referencing Frankenstein, the internal/spiritual nature of nonviolence of a solider, and elaborating on Hisagi and Kaname because these two are very much part of the same conversation.

But anyways! My Tobiume hc plays into all of this. It's pretty much the same as the rest of the fandom's - some iteration of a phoenix + forest (I love the seagull cry when Tobiume releases and this imagery of being rooted deep in the earth with an expansive sky to soar above this middle space where the man-made sits), but I hc that she's never really been able to see Tobiume. That Tobiume always wants to keep just out of sight, perched high in the trees or a shadow over the sun to keep her wondering because Hinamori is an artist (who once had no brushes), a life-long learner (who once had no books), and I think it’d be neat if her inner world was something she created out of imagination and hunger for somewhere beyond her body and something beyond the constraints of their society. Another poem I associate with her is "Cherry Blossoms" by Toi Derricote:))