#I have been awake for hours and slept horribly so wouldn't it be funny if it was Jay that was gay but we been knew that

[rosielav]

Someone on here that I follow has recently gotten big into the Great Gatsby and I would love that person to know that the only critical thinking I did about that book was in 11th grade English Honors II. We finished the book, like I'm talking the back cover closed on the last page, and my teacher instantly said 'so you all got that we was gay and in love Gatsby, right? Nick is gay? And this whole story is kind of about that?'

And us, a group of 24-26 queer, all collectively said HUH???? bc this teacher has never once not one time used the word gay, ever, in class, and then just so confidently was like yall get it right this man is gay?

And I think about that and exclusively that anytime I see a post about TGG. Well, that, and the eyes of Dr TJ Eckleberg but that's not on me. That's author's intent.

[pbandjesse]

After I finished my post last night I ended up getting very upset about my dad. And cried on James for a little. And decided I should just. Go and see my parents today. And so that's exactly what I did.

The decision made me sleep a lot better. James got me a different blanket out and I slept pretty great. I did wake up before my alarm and felt pretty good. I always wake up easier when I have something to do. I got up and made the bed and went to get dressed.

Something scratched my eye and I couldn't get it to stop hurting for a half hour. Which was frustrating. But I used a bunch of eye drops and tried to wash my eye out. I couldn't really put mascara on because of it. But whatever.

James and me left here at 730. I drove us out to the museum to drop them off and went to great breakfast. I got out of the car to give them a big hug and kiss and then was off.

Except not really. Because when I got to McDonald's I realized I had James's coffee still. I texted them and they biked up to me to get it and I got one extra kiss. Very sweet. Love them so much.

I had a good drive out. It took about 2 hours and there was not traffic. I listened to lots of music. I did end up crying listening to some show tunes. Happens sometimes. I needed the catharsis I guess.

I was excited to be out of the car when I got there around 10. My legs kind of felt like jelly. But I was so happy to see my parents. And the doggies.

It was really great spending time together. We talked about my dad's leg. Which looked pretty scary and he looked pretty pale. But he was in good spirits. I did not like hearing him say 'if' around coming to my wedding. But I also just want him to be okay and whatever that takes is more important. I don't want to be selfish but I also. Have to have him there. It isn't acceptable that he wouldn't be there.

Around 11 my aunt Renee came over. She's not actually my aunt, she's my sister's mom. But she's always been my aunt and she's lovely. I really enjoyed all of us hanging out. I got to learn a lot more about my dad's younger life and there were lots of laughs. I don't think she's heard me talk so much before. I was kind of a standoffish kid. But man did she hear me today. I talk a lot and very fast. My grad school director used to say I talk through the trees. And it's absolutely true, I get there eventually but we are not on a path at all. I think she thought I was funny though and that is still positive.

We ordered lunch. And we compared jewelry. Talked about childhoods and memories. I told them all about art and stories from my life. Renee told us about the wild 21 day vacation she's going on. Which sounds amazing. And we talked about the wedding and how things are going to be. The decorations and the hotels and stuff.

We have to make some changes to the plan because of moving my dad around. But that is okay. So I may stay in the hotel on Thursday instead of James. But we will see.

Renee left and I spent another hour and a half with my parents. We talked about music and life and it was really nice. I wanted to stay more but I also wanted to get home before 9.

So I said goodbye. Mom sent me home with detergent and cat food. I let her know my dad's car windows were open? I got pictures with them and gave them hugs and then I was off.

The drive home was not as pleasant. It was directly into the sun the entire drive. And just horrible traffic. So it took almost 3 hours. Which was not ideal. I tried to keep myself awake and aware by having a full dance party. Which was a lot of fun and very silly.

I had the two pieces of pizza my mom gave me before I left. So at least I wasnt starving. I would take a break after 2 hours to stretch my legs. Mostly because my foot hurt really bad today. But I would just walk around the rest stop for a couple minutes before I was off and back on the road.

I got back here closer to 830 then I was happy about. But I got home in one piece.

I was really happy to see James. They were a little sad because they somehow lost their engagement ring. Again. I'm not upset but I feel bad that they are upset. It will be alright.

We both showered and that made me feel a lot better. Though I am pretty exhausted. I am also excited because I just got offered the grant position at the visionary museum! I hope it leads to more!!

But now is time for sleep. I hope you all sleep great. Take care of yourself! I have the garage sale with Anne, I hope it is fun! I hope you have a great night!! Sleep good!!

[pbandjesse]

Today was a pretty good day. There was a big stressful part of the beginning but the majority of the day was very good. There was even a special surprise. And yoga.

I slept super poorly last night. I couldn't fall asleep for forever because I felt sick and nauseous and bad. And then when I did fall asleep I woke up a few times again. Air conditioner turned off in the middle of the night and James rollover next to me and I woke up just horribly uncomfortable. He wouldn't turn the air conditioning back on that because he always takes care of me. And I was able to sleep until about 7.

James was awake and told me I could keep sleeping but I didn't really want to. I wanted to lay there so I just played on my phone for a while. And then I got up. I got cleaned up and dressed and I felt okay.

I hung in my hammock for a little bit and then James told me he made a waffle. And I was like okay. And I was confused because he had asked me what I wanted for breakfast last night and I said I was going to have the avocado scramble thing I made the other day. And then he remembered that after he made the waffle and felt very bad. But it was fine. He made the thing I wanted and he had the waffle for breakfast instead.

I got the best boyfriend.

We hung out for a while and then left to go to the bus. James walked me there. And then bus proceeded not to show up for almost a half an hour. I was very frustrated. Because it was supposed to be there at 9: 30 but it didn't come until almost 9:50. And we had been there since 920. So I was very stressed out and I hate being late!! I texted Tiffany and let her know and I was just very distressed.

I was about 15 minutes late in the end. Sucks. I'm going to try to get an earlier bus tomorrow. So even if it runs late I will hopefully have the same issue. Because seriously we were three blocks away from access art and our bus driver saw someone on the street that he knew and he park the bus and got off to go have a conversation with him. I was losing my mind.

But I got there and everyone was fine. We're just lesson planning so it wasn't like I was missing anything yet but I hate being late. We all kind of bullshitted and talked for a little bit and then the teacher from holistic Life Center came.

He was a really nice guy. He told really funny stories and he was young and covered in tattoos and wearing a Orioles yoga shirt. He mostly talked about mindfulness. A little bit of yoga. And we learned a lot about breathing exercises. I felt very Vindicated and validated about the types of breathing exercises I already do with the kids when they're upset or hurt. But I learned some really interesting ones today. Specifically that I breathe wrong and I'm trying to retrain myself but it's very hard. It was very enjoyable even though I hated sitting in the folding chairs for that long. My feet don't reach the ground and it's uncomfortable.

But we also played a couple mindfulness games at the end of that was cool. Stuff that we can use in the classroom and it's awesome. I'm really glad that we were able to do that.

We had a late lunch. Marcus went down the street and got me a spring roll. Was very good. And I worked on my lesson plan. Almost out. I think I'll probably end up finishing it tomorrow. And then I'll go back in and make sure it's all good. I also think I want to use a couple other visual things for the classroom. And maybe add some tutorial images of some kind. We have tomorrow and Friday to finish lesson plans. And even with my brain breaks where I sketched tattoo ideas I still got a lot done.

While I was taking a break on my lesson plan I was looking at eBay and I got a crazy good deal on a Furby buddy. Something that I've been trying to get for 2 months now there's a little plush versions of the Furbies. I don't absolutely love them but people use them to make the long Furbies. And I'd like to try my hand at that. And I got one for $5. Usually they go for $35 to $40. I am very excited. I think I'm going to use it slightly as part of my example for my quilt making lesson. I'm going to make its belly pattern based off of Victorian crazy quilts. I'm very excited.

At 3 we finished up. We all decided on which weeks we should be teaching our lessons and when. Was decided that my quilt project would go first which makes me slightly nervous but it's probably a good idea. Because it's community building project we're going to kind of have all the kids get out there art things right away before they jump into other projects and I think that will work out nicely.

And then me and fitsum went home. His driving kind of makes me nauseous. Lot of fast speed up and then stopping. But we had a nice conversation about capitalism and its downfalls. And talked about apartments because he's moving as well. We saw a couple meet cars that we pointed out and talked about. It was a good time.

He dropped me off and I made some food. Did a couple packing things. Made a pile of the furniture and getting rid of. And just kind of hung out. Me and James were going to have dinner together but I kind of just wanted to be by myself a little bit. My dad's going to come visit this weekend and he's going to take the bed. So really these are the last couple days I'm ever going to live alone if all goes according to plan. And it feels very strange. I've lived alone for a long time. But I am excited. Nervous but excited.

I was just kind of chilling. Even though it was too humid in here to call it chilling. Playing Animal Crossing and watching videos. And then I decided to go check the mail.

I was excited because I had a package. But then I saw that there was a letter in there as well from the Minneapolis Apartment project. Which means it's from the class action settlement. Which means it's a check. When we won the settlement last year they said that we would get all of our rent back. But of course it was going to go into appeals. So we would probably just get a portion of our rent back. And honestly getting any amount of money from living in those apartments would be fine. But I was so nervous about opening this check. So he opened my package first. And it was socks! very exciting. I was looking forward to those socks. They're black and they have little hearts on them.

But I couldn't put off opening the check any longer. And I did and if I did my math right I thought about nine months worth of rent back. And the checks that this might not be the only check. That I might get more? Like after all the lawyers and fees are paid if there's anything left over there going to send another check. That's wild. And like all of my money stress. The $40 me and James got scammed out of the other day. James his bike breaking. Moving. All of it. This kind of feels like a buffer. We don't have to worry about it now. Least for a while. And I'm making more money and if he gets this job he's going to be at making more money. And even if he doesn't get this job he's going to keep looking until he does get something good. Don't have to be so stressed out and nickel-and-diming ourselves all the time. it's exciting. It feels Like the universe is telling me everything's going to be okay. That means using my white privilege to help make the lives of my neighbors and Minneapolis better is being rewarded. And that sometimes being a good person and trying to help other people does pay off in the end. And sometimes in cash.

I kind of didn't know what to say when I open the check. So I called James and let him know. And then I called my dad. We talked about taxes and he's going to check with the tax lady to make sure that I have put enough aside next year. I don't want to have an issue. But yeah it's exciting. And it was good to hear dad. He sounds a lot better. And he's looking forward to coming on Sunday and I'm looking forward to having him here. We're going to patch holes but hopefully we'll also do something else. Maybe we'll eat some good food and maybe we'll go see something interesting. Unsure of what yet but I'll figure that out.

I called Jess next to let her know. And she was very excited for me. And then I went back to packing. I brought more stuff from the basement. I broke down all of my Furby boxes. I don't know why I'm keeping them but it feels weird to throw them away. So flat in the Middle East to put them in storage. And I use the box that I have been storing them in to put kitchen stuff in. Paper towels and Ziploc bags. That one bottle of alcohol I always have. And then I took a shower. I painted my toenails and I'm just watching videos and enjoying my night.

Back to lesson planning tomorrow. And then I think falafels with James. No matter what it's going to be a good day. I can feel it. Hope you all have a good night tonight. Be kind to each other. Go out of your way for someone else. Don't expect anything in return. Good night