#I have stills from the jack+rose and jack+doctor kisses because I'm. normal about it

[falderaletcetera]

come to think of it another reason I'm biased towards nine might be because we never reach such beautiful casual queer vibes as the doctor + rose + jack situation again, at least not as far as I've watched. like I'm honestly not that much of a shipper but that kiss scene DOES things to me. and part of that is how loosely defined the relationship seems to be, at least maybe from jack's perspective. I can't rightly say it was wholly romantic in canon, but it sure was something - yes, rose flirted with jack way more than the doctor did when they first met, but the doctor even just being chill about jack kissing him feels significant - and I do love a quasi-romantic loosely-defined Something.

[might-be-a-zygon]

"i'm not going anywhere, i promise." for Yaz/13

Sorry this took so long! I’m actually really awful at writing fluff so it tends to take me a while! Also sorry it’s so short, again, it’s something I struggle with. Hope you like how it turned out.

It Means Time

When you met someone like the Doctor- someone who was mysterious and terrifying and wonderful in equal parts- you quickly got used to the idea that you could love her with all your heart, but you’d never really know her.

Yaz was learning quickly that there were certain things she just had to get used to, loving a woman like that. Waking up in the middle of the night to find her gone, her awful dress sense, her frankly bizarre eating habits, and the days where she hardly understand a word the Doctor said were all things that were well worth dealing with.

Still, it was getting very hard not to see that odd, wistful look the Doctor got in her eyes sometimes when they were alone together in some brief moment of peace. They’d be cuddling on the sofa, and the Doctor would be watching her not the movie. They’d crawl into bed after a very long day, and the Doctor wouldn’t close her eyes until long after she thought Yaz was asleep. They’d kiss, and the Doctor would look right through her.

:readmore:

It was in one of those quiet moments- when they were sitting in one of the TARDIS kitchens trying their best to have a lazy morning- that Yaz finally plucked up the courage to ask about it.

She’d been standing there, buttering her toast her hair half-up, wearing a set of pyjama shorts and a battered jumper which had apparently belonged to the Doctor’s previous face; The Doctor had been sat at the table with a plate of custard creams (“Breakfast of champions, Yaz”), still wearing boxer shorts and an oversized t-shirt, with her hair sticking up at odd angles.

It was one of those brief, domestic moments that was so painfully ordinary it made her heart ache.

Yaz wouldn’t trade her life of adventure for the world, but there was certainly something beautiful in these moments of normality that made all the running feel just a little more worth it.

She put the butter knife down, beginning to dig through the cupboard for the jam that wasn’t blue, when she felt the Doctor’s eyes on the back of her head. She didn’t even have to turn around to know she was wearing that expression again.

“Why’d y’ keep lookin’ at me like that?” Yaz finally asked, turning to catch the Doctor’s eyes before she could look away.

“You look nice.” Her girlfriend rattled off almost automatically, shoving a custard cream into her mouth to avoid having to answer any more questions.

Yaz just shot her a look, her eyebrow raised. She didn’t need police training to know that the Doctor was hiding something- her guilty expression did that all on its own. Giving up on finding the jam, she brought her toast over to the little table, taking a seat opposite her.

“You’re lookin’ at me like you feel guilty about somethin’ or-“ She paused, tilting her head slightly to one side, “like- like you regret something?” Now that was an upsetting prospect. “Do you regret this, Doctor?”

“No.”

The reply came a little too quickly to be believable, and Yaz felt her stomach drop. She thought that what they’d had going on between them- well it wasn’t normal, but nothing ever was anymore. It wasn’t normal, or easy, but what they had was good- and for now Yaz was happy with good.

She’d thought the Doctor was too.

“Oh.” Was all she could actually manage- as though the Doctor wasn’t lying through her teeth. The lie didn’t seem to matter much when they both knew the truth that cowered behind it. “So, you do, then? Regret it. ‘Cause I know that face, Doctor.”

“No-“ The Doctor began again, her spoon clattering uncomfortably loudly against the side of her mug as she looked for something to do with her hands. “I didn’t mean-“

Yaz could see she was floundering for an explanation or excuse. In any other circumstance she might have tried to help, but not this time.

“Do you regret this?” She asked again, a little more firmly, “’Cause I thought things were goin’ well with us and-“

“No- No they are. I promise. It’s not that-“ She shook her head as though she was trying to physically clear it. “I said I wasn’t gonna do this anymore.”

“Do what anymore?”

“This!” The Doctor elaborated rather unhelpfully, gesturing wildly with both hands as though it was supposed to help. “You and all the- the domestics, and the fallin’ in love with humans.”

Yaz’s head snapped up to look at the Doctor. Had she really just said that? Neither of them had said that, yet. It wasn’t that she didn’t feel the same way just- there was always something vaguely intimidating about admitting any genuine emotion to the Doctor, especially when she got like this- already racing ahead on her train of thought while Yaz was still trying to process her slip of the tongue. With the speed at which she was talking, it seemed likely she hadn’t even noticed her own mistake.

“Wasn’t even meant to be bringin’ anyone else along, really. I always say that. After Rose I ran into Martha and I kept saying I was gonna take her back but she was brilliant and- and I treated her rubbish. Then she was alright and Donna kept cropping up and-“

“Doctor?” Yaz tried, her tone a little more gentle now, though it did nothing to prompt the Doctor out of her rant- she was already in full swing.

“And it wasn’t like I even got a choice with River- I married her before I met her! And with Amelia- the new face got all sentimental and started doing emotions. And Martha and Donna were married by then, and Rose was happy and Jack- I couldn’t do anything about him but I thought that time I was getting’ better.”

“Doctor!”

“Then Rory had to come along, and I said after the Pond’s I wouldn’t take anyone else but Clara was so clever and she kept turning up everywhere, and then Nardole wasn’t human so he didn’t count and Bill was getting’ attacked and I didn’t have much choice there, and then you lot- mmff“

Yaz had grabbed a fistful of the Doctor’s oversized shirt, pulling her across the table and planting a kiss square on her lips, desperate to jolt her out of the panicked ramblings long enough to get your attention. It was certainly enough to silence her, earning her a questioning look from the blonde, who looked baffled, if not displeased.

“Did I say something good?” She asked as she settled back into her seat.

“You said fallin’ in love.”

“Yeah?” The Doctor shot Yaz a maddeningly blank look, as though she didn’t even realise the weight of what she’d said.

“And was that about me? ‘Cause you haven’t said that before.”

Something seemed to fall into place for the Doctor, based on the shift in her expression, at least. “I thought you knew.” She admitted, “I thought- I mean, you’re brilliant. Course I love you. M’just not supposed to.”

“Why not? because we’re happy, right? You make me happy.”

The Doctor’s expression became resigned, and she lent back across the table, taking one of Yaz’s hands between both of hers.

“Being with me is dangerous Yaz, I-“

Yaz shot her an exasperated look, pulling her hand back. “Hey! Stop. We knew the risks when we came with you. I knew the risks when I decided to stay. You’re- You’re the Doctor! You don’t get scared. Stop being scareda me.”

“I get scared of losing you.” She admitted.

Yaz leant a little closer, taking the Doctor’s hand again, and squeezing her fingers gently, trying to bring her back from whatever dark place she’d strayed into. “I’m not going anywhere. I promise.”

“People always go, eventually.”

She thought back to Jack, and to what he’d said. Nothing lasted forever with the Doctor- she already knew that, but they had the now- and how many people got to be loved by someone like her? What they had was rare, and if it was fleeting, she wouldn’t waste what time they did have worrying about the time they didn’t.

“I’m here now.”

The Doctor’s face softened, and she squeezed Yaz’s hand back, before saying, “Happily ever after doesn’t mean forever. It just means time.”, in a quiet, knowing way- they were words she’d said before, clearly.

“Who said that?” She asked, half-curious, half just keen to keep the Doctor from starting down the ‘I’m too dangerous for you’ path again.

“Someone a lot cleverer than me.” A shadow of something unfathomably sad ghosted across the Doctor’s face for a moment, before her lips turned up into a softer, more genuine smile. “So. Yasmin Khan. All of time and space. Where to next?”

Loving a woman like the Doctor would never be easy. There’d be ups and downs and twists thrown in you could never see coming. Sometimes loving her meant soaring higher than you’d ever dreamed. Sometimes loving her meant hurting worse than you ever knew you could hurt. One thing, though, would never ever change. Loving the Doctor- it meant time. Time to fly and time to fall. Time to celebrate, and time to grieve. Time to run, and, sometimes, on those few days when things were just good, there was time to sit, and to relax, and to love.