#I kept procrastinating and when I actually was working on it I just kept nitpicking the tiniest of things

[yeolkisses]

All the evens

Wkbpwbjpe Maddy you’re trying to kill me I swear (but thank you this kept me busy lol and it was fun to do)

2 - do you like the feeling of cold air on your cheeks on a wintery day?

Yessss I love it. Cold air is a blessing.

4 - how do you take your coffee/tea?

For coffee, I put a ton of creamer in. Tea is just a no for me.

6- do you keep plants?

Yes! A bonsai, a couple cacti, and an aloe vera.

8 - what artistic medium do you use to express your feelings?

Does writing count??? I’m not very artistic 😅 but I consider myself a decent writer and poet. I feel like words are the easiest way to explain yourself so others can understand you better. It’s specific. Painting and drawing, etc. are also good too of course, I’m just not any good at them 😂 and I feel like they’re a bit more questionable. They have different meanings to people. But that’s what allows people to connect over them; seeing different viewpoints of the same thing. It kind of shows what type of person you are.

10 - do you sleep on your back, side, or stomach?

My side or my back. I can’t do stomach 😂 it’s just too uncomfortable for me.

12 - what’s your favorite planet?

Hm. I don’t really know. I guess Neptune or Uranus??? They’re pretty.

14 - if you were to live with your best friend in an old flat in a big city, what would it look like?

TBH I don’t even know who my best friend is anymore lately Well it would probably be a bit of a mess 😂 but messy in an organized way??? We’re pretty tidy people, at least when it comes to our rooms, but we (or I, at least) am still a little bit cluttery. I think it would look nice. Not necessarily modern, but just kind of homely.

16 - what’s your favorite pasta dish?

Spaghetti & meatballs OR chicken alfredo. Probably spaghetti and meatballs though.

18 - tell us about something dumb/funny you did that has since gone down in history between you and your friends and is always brought up.

God they just brought it up today. I swear I’m not as stupid as they make me seem though!!!!! So one time at lunch (like YEARS ago) they were talking about sports and I wasn’t really paying attention (because I’m not a sports person) and they asked me something and I think I said, “I’m not into baseball.” And of course with my luck they were talking about football. So :)))) There are always exaggerations about how I must think a homerun is in basketball, etc.

20 - what’s your favorite eye color?

I mean…it doesn’t really matter to me?? I don’t like thinking about eyes which you already know, so I’ve never really considered a favorite eye color. But I hateeeee the colored contacts people wear, especially when they wear two different colors (one of my friend’s ex-boyfriends used to wear one silver and one bright green one and it was hideous). Anyway, if I had to choose a color, I guess I’d say brown. It’s under-appreciated sometimes 🙂

22 - are you a morning person?

It fluctuates. Sometimes I am, sometimes I’m not. Especially if the reason I’m waking up is to go to something I don’t want to do, then I am NOT a morning person at all.

24 - is there someone out there you would trust with every single one of your secrets?

Honestly, probably not. I just really don’t trust people to keep their lips zipped or to not judge me.

26 - what are the shoes you’ve had for forever and wear with every single outfit?

My oldest pair of shoes rn are probably the ones I’m wearing (or at least they look the oldest since I wear them pretty much daily). They’re black and white cheetah print converse, with cheetah eyes on the side. They’re super comfortable.

28 - sunrise or sunset?

Both are nice, but I like sunsets better. It’s the end of the day, time to rest, and it just looks cooler imo. More fiery.

30 - think of it: have you ever been truly scared?

In all honesty, I don’t think so. I get scared easily, but I wouldn’t say I’ve been truly terrified.

32 - tell us a story of something that happened to you after 3AM when you were with friends.

Already done~

34 - tell us about the stuffed animal you kept as a kid. what is it called? what does it look like? do you still keep it?

Done~

36 - which band’s sound would fit your mood right now?

Oof I don’t know. American Authors maybe? I feel really happy and free rn.

38 - tell us about your pet peeves!

Oh boy. I could go on and on. One: the sound of people chewing. It’s awful but you can’t tell them it’s annoying because that’s rude but it makes me. Want. To. Hit. Someone. It is SO irritating. Another thing: my brother doesn’t flush the toilet :)))) and that drives me insane. Another one: people who spit on you when they talk. People in band who, rather than not playing on the parts they don’t know and working on them later, just play whatever they want and mess everyone up. People who don’t put things back where they found them. People who nitpick every little thing about something that someone else did. I could just keep going on.

40 - think of a piece of jewelry you own: what’s it’s story? does it have any meaning to you?

I’m just gonna choose the ring I wear all the time. I got it at the fair, it was only $12 😂 it doesn’t really hold much meaning, I just like having it so I can fidget with it when I’m nervous or something.

42 - do you have a favorite coffee shop? describe it!

I actually haven’t gotten to experience any coffee shops :/ just Starbucks lol. But once I’m on my own I think I’ll check more places out.

44 - when was the last time you remember feeling completely serene and at peace with everything?

I honestly don’t know. It’s been some time.

46 - tell us the worst pun you can think of.

I’m not good with punssss! I don’t know. I can’t think of anything.

48 - what was your biggest fear as a kid? is it the same today?

Hm I was afraid of a lot of things and I still am. I’d say pretty much the same things, more or less. Things that aren’t even closely real, things that my mind just comes up with. And now I’m actually scared of more things, I think. Realistic situations and whatnot.

50 - what’s an odd thing you collect?

I collect rocks, but I think that’s pretty normal, right?? I also collect piggy banks and hedgehog knick knacks.

52 - what are your favorite memes of the year so far?

God I don’t even know. I guess maybe the spongebob ones, the Patrick ones.

54 - who’s the last person you saw with a true look of sadness on their face?

Oh wow. Hm. I really don’t know. I really, truly, do not know.

56 - what are some things you find endearing in people?

Hmm…it differs from person to person I suppose. But I guess, like…the way people smile, the different ways people laugh when they’re truly laughing (even if they find it obnoxious it’s a part of them and it’s just kinda cute and funny), when a person who doesn’t usually dress up dresses up all fancy and gets all shy about it. I don’t know. Just little things I guess.

58 - who’s the wine mom and who’s the vodka aunt in your group of friends? why?

Oof I don’t really know. I think Morgan would be the vodka aunt. But wine mom…I don’t know.

60 - do you like poetry? what are some of your faves?

Yessss I do. Hm, favorites…it depends on the mood I’m in, I suppose. When I was little though I really liked Shel Silverstein’s poems.

62 - do you drink juice in the morning? which kind?

Nopeeee I don’t really like juice 😕

64 - what color is the sky where you are right now?

Kind of a soft baby blue? Idk but it’s quite nice.

66 - what would your ideal flower crown look like?

Baby blue eyes and daisies, I think. Just blue flowers in general would be good enough for me 👍

68 - what’s winter like where you live?

Not cold enough!!!!!!!! Although this year it snowed more than I expected it to. Still, it’s not very cold and we don’t get much rain 😕

70 - have you ever used a ouija board?

No, and despite my belief that it’s absolute bull crap, I would never use one because I’m a wuss.

72 - are you a person who needs to note everything down or else you’ll forget it?

It depends, some things I remember and some things I don’t.

74 - describe a good friend of yours without using their name or gendered pronouns.

Oof well I’ve pretty much mentioned all my IRL friends and they’re kinda predictable 😂 so I’ll choose an Internet friend. They’re extremely sweet, and do so, so much for other people, even when they’re already so busy with their own life. They’re always caring and genuine, and put others before themselves (even though I wish they wouldn’t sometimes). They’re super patient, which is good because sometimes I can be a bit slow 😂 and just so, so amazing and beautiful and talented and hardworking and they deserve to go far. I hope they’ll keep holding on strong and keep on fighting. And I hope they truly know how much I admire them. (Damn I kinda described all of my internet friends there?????? I had a specific one in mind though I swear)

76 - is there anything you should be doing right now but aren’t?

Yes 😂 homework

78 - are you in the minion hateclub or fanclub?

I’m on the fence actually 😕 it’s not like I hate them with a burning passion or anything but I think they’re kinda milking it for all it’s worth at this point, which usually happens with movies.

80 - what color are your bedroom walls? did you choose that color? if so, why?

3 white walls and a light bluish tealish wall (with a border of music notes in silver paint on the teal wall). I got to redecorate my room a couple years ago for my birthday and I love the color blue but I didn’t want something that would darken the room (although I keep my curtains mostly closed lol). The music notes were from a piece I played that year in the school band, it was my favorite.

82 - are/were you good in school?

I’m a procrastinator but I do get good grades 😁 I’ve never had an -A or lower. And I’m kind of a teacher’s pet 😂

84 - are you planning on getting tattoos? which ones?

Definitely not. I don’t see the point in basically paying someone to stab you with a needle over and over again. If I did get one, I think it would be a clef heart or 아리엘.

86 - do you like concept albums? which ones?

I can’t really think of any specific ones (???? maybe I’m just being dumb ????) but I do like the idea of them.

88 - are there any artistic movements you particularly enjoy?

Ehhh, I’m not exactly an art buff, so idk what to say. I think that as long as it carries emotion and makes the viewer feel something or think of something, then it must be pretty good. The style doesn’t define what story it tells, it just helps set the mood.

90 - talk about your one of you favorite cities.

I haven’t really traveled so I’m gonna have to skip this 😶

92 - are you a person who drowns their pasta in cheese or a person who barely sprinkles a pinch?

Honestly I prefer just butter on my pasta but if I’m putting on cheese then I’m going all the way.

94 - who was the last person you know to have a birthday?

Well I mean idk if it counts since I know her online so I’ll go with the closest one that I know irl. My aunt just had her birthday, it was a couple days ago.

96 - do you install your computer updates really quickly or do you procrastinate on them a lot?

I usually procrastinate them 😅 because it always asks me when I’m in the middle of doing something and I don’t wanna stop what I’m doing.

98 - when’s the last time you went hiking? did you enjoy it?

I don’t remember…but probably not 😂

100 - if you were presented with two buttons, one that allows you to go 5 years into the past, the other 5 years into the future, which one would you press? why?

The past. I’d like to do some things differently. Be a better person. Make myself become a better person and have better habits. The future can still be changed but my past is set in stone. Although, if I go 5 years back, I might not end up on this site, so overall I’d rather just stay in the present 😂

[simblog420]

Quitting as an internet artist.

Most people except those who have been following me on art platforms probably won’t understand this. So feel free to skip this post.

I keep saying that I'm going to try to keep in touch better and post more, but I know it won't happen. I just can't seem to find the drive to draw whenever I want. Truth is, my mind is always filling with ideas and projects that I want to do. But actually sitting down and accomplishing it is another story. I don't know what's happened to me in the past few years, but I have to force myself to draw to remind myself that I can still do it.

Hell, when I was a teenager, I literally had a new drawing every single day, sometimes more. I used to be a drawing machine. But I think I burnt myself out. I take forever to do art now, and its driving me crazy. Not because of procrastination, but It literally takes hours upon hours to do a single drawing. I don't know how it happened. But I've become a perfectionist too (Which Is a huge issue considering that I’m not an overly fantastic artist in the first place) If I see a single issue I end up fixing it 1000x too (If I don't scrap it completely) Im constantly worried of people pointing out issues or not liking stuff because I messed up an arm or whatever.

I know where my strengths are, but my weaknesses outweigh them too much. I’m one of those static pose 3/4 view kind of people. I have been experimenting with different poses lately. But the fact that I can’t fucking color or shade to save my soul is destroying my motivation to finish them. Im lately only getting lineart done. If I even make it that far that is.

I can honestly say, becoming an internet artist was the worst Idea I’ve ever had. I met some amazing people but also a few people who’ve obliterated my confidence in my art to the point that they would give me unwanted critique or nitpick everything I said and did. I am very sensitive and have the worst confidence. Yet art used to be the exception. I was one of those people back in my teen years that were admired for my ability to draw. So you can imagine the difference from when I joined the soon-to-be overflooded internet artist community and realized I was sitting at the bottom along with many.

 I was a stay at home mom at the time hoping to be able to improve enough that I could at least pay the bills from my art, but the standards are way too high for most people to get anywhere without some amount of talent or pre-existing following. I went from producing stuff I loved every day to struggling to produce the odd thing that I was actually proud of. In the 3 years I was a stay at home mom (2011-2014) I made some amazing progress in my art. Especially since I also had to learn to draw digitally. But I eventually couldn’t afford to keep it going and had to get a job. The beginning of 2012 I found out what depression was and have been dealing with it since.

Have you been following me for years? you probably seen how I almost never post unless its commissions. Why is that? Because commissions are what kept me drawing. After I lost all motivation to work on my own projects, ocs, Raxis Saga, etc... The only thing that could keep me drawing is knowing that someone had paid for a piece of work and it had to get done.

Basically I have failed myself and my few amazing followers that have been there over the years. I kept saying I would post more stuff, and It never happens. I post so sporadically and now, I just don’t know anymore. Ive lost track of alot of cool people I was friends with. Ive lost track of time.

I will continue private commissions for those whom I’m familiar with, but I will no longer be posting my art online. I’m done. I need to learn to love my art again and its not going to happen unless I can be away from these places. I will keep all accounts open to support others and keep in contact.

I have made literally one exception for a fandom on an alternate account as that fandom is literally the only thing keeping my very little bit of art going.

Thankyou for your amazing support and encouragement over the years. I wish everyone the best in their own projects and goals! I know you can do it!!