#I love Samu so much that I am mad at my brain for even conceiving this

[peachysamu]

Bed For One

Summary: a collection of diary entries where you realize the bed is too warm and hindsight is 20/20

Character: Miya Osamu x gn!Reader

Word Count: 1.2k

Genre: Angst

A/n: I am fascinated by the timeline of a failed relationship. That though some changes feel minuscule, they are the stepping stones to even bigger things.

August 14

Hey you, it’s me. Your old self. I hope that when you come back to these, you find clarity because things feel so uncertain right now. You went to bed angry last night. Samu slept on the couch. He said it was because he got hot. You know the real reason. It was because you were still fighting. You’re not affected because you’re still mad. He can go sleep on the couch for all you care. You went to work. Was a little quiet since you know, life at home doesn’t feel so happy. When you got home, Samu surprised you with flowers on the counter and your favorite snack next to it. It reminded you that you love him. That whatever you guys were fighting about isn’t even worth it. Which it wasn’t. You just got mad last night because Samu forgot to buy toothpaste on the way home like you asked for. And then it turned into a whole thing. But the flowers reminded you that everything is okay.

August 30

Life with Samu has been good as of late. He kisses you when he gets home. He always calls you when he’s off and asks if there’s anything we need. Things feel like they’re back in sync again. Like how it felt when you first started dating. You guys went on a date the other day. First time in a while. He held your hand the whole time. Went to the park. Not as extravagant as it used to be, but that’s fine. He doesn’t have to try as hard anymore. He has your heart already. And it was nice. On the way home, you shared an onigiri together.

September 14

Samu is taking you out on a date! An actual date to a fancy restaurant! He called you while you were at work and told you he made reservations to that one fancy restaurant. The one that he’s been talking about lately with that guy that has his own cooking show. Told you he was going to close up shop early so that you guys could have a nice night out. That we deserve it. Can’t wait!

September 16

Hey you, sorry for missing a day. You’re probably wondering how the date went. Awful. You’ll probably remember too but just in case you’ve forgotten, that day was the first day you had ever seen Samu look at you with so much disdain. You cowered before him for the first time. Hunched yourself against the doorframe of your bathroom door with tears in your eyes. He didn’t hurt you. He was just so angry. I truly hope you never forget the way your heart clenched and the way you couldn’t breathe for hours after. That strong and wide build of his that has always cuddled you and made you feel safe, for the first time, made you scared. Over what? A misunderstanding? Because you thought he said “Be ready at 6:30” instead of “Be there at 6:30”? You said some hurtful things yourself. Threw the toothpaste incident at him. That was a mistake because then the whole thing blew up again. But you’re not perfect and neither is he. So why couldn’t he have been more understanding?

You’re laying in bed right now and Samu’s in the living room. The house has been silent for hours. The two of you have been silent for days. Sometimes you cry but you’ve expended a lot of energy on that already. So now you’re just tired. And you want Samu to comfort you. But you’re too prideful because you don’t think his reaction was warranted. And you wonder if Samu’s pride is holding him back too.

September 20

You and Samu still haven’t talked, well not at least about the fight. Just ‘good mornings’ and ‘how are yous’ here and there. You went out with your friends and while you were out, you brought home milk tea for him. You remembered he was craving it before the whole incident. You didn’t get the reaction you were hoping for. Just a nod and a thanks. Tension was thick in the air. But then he asked if you ate and brought you a bowl of miso soup and fish. It gave you enough confidence to ask him to sleep in bed with you. He did. But it felt forced and uncomfortable. You tried to be soft and cuddle against his back. Tried to find comfort in intimacy. He neither eased into your touch nor moved from your grasp. Just lied there. Instead of finding comfort, you found hurt.

October 17

That big fight that you guys had with date night is over and done with. You’ve talked it over with him properly and you guys are okay now. Things are back to normal. For the most part at least. You eat dinner together and shower together. He washes the dishes on days when you’ve had a rough day. He sleeps next to you. But every morning you wake up, you find him on the couch. He still uses the excuse that he gets hot in the middle of the night. Sometimes he changes it up and says that you were moving around too much and bothering him. You get it. He’s a busy man and deserves comfortable rest. But it hurts. Because he used to tell you he loved sleeping with you, that he’d have it no other way.

October 29

You told Samu that you don’t want to become comfortable waking up without him. The surprise and fear he held warmed you. You could see that he still cared about your feelings and for the past couple of days, he’s met your request and has slept with you for the whole week. It has you overjoyed. You told him that you could turn the a/c down so he won’t get hot in the middle of the night. He insisted the he’s fine. Your insecurities were shoved down your throat when Osamu turned around and cuddled you to sleep. You woke up this morning still in his arms.

November 3

You and Samu fought again. And he’s back on the couch.

November 29

You woke up today with the bed all to yourself. Sprawled in a diagonal formation and legs tangled in the sheets. You’ve grown comfortable in your own bed where it is neither cold nor too hot. You realized this bed fits one and you wondered how it ever fit two. Or if it will ever need to.

December 25

Hey you. It’s me again. Your old self remember? It’s been a while, hasn’t it? You’ve been very busy and as much as you tried to update yourself and remind yourself of this process, you just never had the time. You did read the old journal entries though. They helped a lot. They helped you understand things you couldn’t see while you were living it. You’re going out with some friends for a Christmas dinner. Don’t forget to tell them thank you. They’ve been good to you. You’re on the train right now, and in your free time, your mind wandered to Samu. And now you’re here. You hope he’s okay. You hope he enjoys your Christmas gift. You hope he can finally sleep comfortably in his own bed.