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#I made the choice somewhere that I reblogged solely visual art and then started reblogging other things and felt the need to categorize them
neverendingford
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8 months
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#why the fuck did I ever start tagging text posts
#I made the choice somewhere that I reblogged solely visual art and then started reblogging other things and felt the need to categorize them
#just in case someone was as weird about it as I was. but none of you are. at least not the I can tell.
#I've been curating in hopes of finding someone similar to me. a stupid wish and a hopeless cause
#I went to sleep at 1am and woke up at 4am and I want to get run over by a steamroller everything hurts and I hate it
#why the fuck did I start tagging tag rambles either. deal with it
#idk. I've been a lot more annoyed and straight up mad. I've been blocking old mutuals who try and talk to me too much
#we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends we aren't friends I am just some fucked up creature you watch at the zoo
#if we were friends we would talk if we were friends I would know who you were if we were friends I would block you at 2am in a fit of anger
#this isn't implying I'm friends with any mutuals on here. I'm friends with some followers but tumblr is not the place I make friends
#tumblr is the place I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through their head.
#tumblr is the place where I watch people and wish I could put a metal spike through my own head
#I get bored too quickly. I don't allow myself to get bored quickly enough. I am too angry but I don't allow myself to be angry enough
#I had a million dreams but none of them were good. a million dreams and all of them cold and shivering
#I slept on the floor last night because the bed is too painful. I almost slept outside on the property's stone wall
#brick under my head and stars over my eyes.
#I think I've talked about how sleeping fucking sucks when going to bed is just intense fear time.
#hands under the covers. eyes over the railing. soft footsteps on the carpet. raged breaths through my nostrils.
#I should clear out a space under my bed again for curling up and sleeping there when things get like this
#remember kids. you're never too old to hide under your bed in fear from the brain monsters
#I say that as if 25 is old. idk. for people like us it is old. anything past high school is old. anything past college is ancient.
#and anything past thirty is just overstaying the welcome inside your own mind. get your plans together already.
#idkkkkk. it's just moving stress is just moving stress is just moving stress it's just
#I keep reminding myself but knowing why I feel this way doesn't stop me from feeling this way.
#it just makes me frustrated that I can't fix it already. I made a phone call but they never called me back so I have to call AGAIN now
#ughhhh everything is hard and I know I'm not a failure but growing up being taught that people like me are failures.... guess how that ended
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