#I make fun of YA cliches too but at a certain point it’s just ‘teenage girls are so cringe’

[aspiringwarriorlibrarian]

Fun little game whenever you come across a shallow parody of YA female protagonists: take a tally of the traits she has and see how many apply to Luke Skywalker.

[some-flyleaves]

when I pick up a book called What the #@&% is That? I know I’m in for a ride, for better or for worse

conclusion: inconclusive, but you can get quite a variety outta the prompt “a character has to say or think the phrase ‘what the [fuck] is that’”

So this book came in the library a few months ago; checked it out, read one or two stories, drowned in schoolwork, returned it, and have since read it on and off when things are slow and I got nothing better to do. (Yeah, I get paid to sit around and read sometimes. It’s a good gig.) Finally finished it tonight and, well. It’s a thing!

Aside from the titular phrase, none of the stories are connected - different authors, different writing styles, hell even different genres. Have some bullet-point thoughts.

“Mobility” by Laird Barron is... weird. I vaguely remember reading that the guy is a master of cosmic horror, and if this is how the genre usually works then I’m in no rush to read Lovecraft. Surreal imagery turns into pretentious metaphors turns into torture porn turns into surreal pretentious metaphors. Not a fan.

“Fossil Heart” by Amanda Walker is, uh, gay? I think?? I’d need to reread this one to get a better grasp on it but I’m in no rush. From what I remember, it’s about a woman who’s literally haunted by her past (got her girlfriend killed or drowned or something?) and then... changes that. somehow? I guess??? The prose is dreamlike, present tense, and while I’m all for not spoonfeeding the audience, I feel like I don’t remember this one as well because I didn’t really understand what was going on. It was one of the earlier stories I read, to be fair, but I also recall other early stories much more vividly.

“Those Goddamn Cookies” by Scott Sigler is clever as hell, and while the progression is a tad predictable post-twist reveal, I was definitely not expecting a little space scifi out of this book. There are some nice characterization touches throughout, the intersection of thoughts and narrative gets intense when needed, and honestly? Would not have called the ending when the intro has the protagonist smelling fresh-baked cookies.

“The Sound of Her Laughter” by Simon R. Green is apparently forgettable enough I needed to skim it again just now to remember what the hell it was about. There’s a couple. Unreal stuff happens, I guess. Characterization was alright...? Uh. Yeah. No dislike but not impressed.

“Down and Deep in the Dark” by Desirina Boskovich is at least memorable, albeit for mixed reasons. Narrated by a snarky teenager(/young woman? I forget the age) whose brother is getting married, the story finds narrator whatshername in charge of babysitting her near-future nephew. It doesn’t seem particularly horrific until ~things go wrong~, something with animals turning up dead by the hotel the family’s staying at and rooms in the hallway that shouldn’t be there.... The first-person and initially casual tone were a nice change of pace, but once the buildup started, it kinda just seemed like creepy stuff for the sake of Creepy Stuff. And of course the aforementioned nephew gets to be a creepy child, because of course he is. I have a habit of reading spoilers before actually getting into a piece of media, which in the case of short stories means skipping to the end before reading from the start. Sometimes the buildup and resolution is very clever, and at least one story later still caught me off-guard once I knew the context of the twist! But sometimes, as with this story... Stuff Just Happens.

“Only Unclench Your Hand” by Isabel Yap is mildly haunting with an ending that, while not exactly thought-provoking, sports just the kind of... not bittersweet, but it’s got a hesitant, uncertain vibe that I can’t quite put into words but always appreciate. Also narrated in first-person by a youngish gal whose name and exact age I forget, the story finds her studying abroad in a small village where everyone knows everyone, for better or for worse. The family she’s staying with has a couple daughters, one around the narrator’s age and the other younger but thankfully not in the “obligatory annoying sibling” way. And then Shit Goes Wrong(TM), but in a less random way than the previous story, and from what I remember it’s not even that heavy on the supernatural stuff until later! Overall a good read with an interesting twist. Also canon gay, I think. There’s a pleasantly surprising amount of Gal Pals(TM) in this anthology.

“Little Widows” by Maria Dahvana Headley also has gals who are friends (not romantic though), cults, and... dinosaurs, I guess? Its premise is interesting enough - “sisters” raised in a cult encounter their “Preacher” and Comeuppance Ensues - in a way that begs to be taken seriously but... can’t, really, imo. Weird Religious Cult(TM) is already asking or some suspension of disbelief from me, since while of course they exist they’re a lot less common than their prominence media would suggest, but fuckign. dinosaurs? when the story up until then has been grounded enough?? Yeah, nah, ya lost me.

“The Bad Hour” by Christopher Golden is BRILLIANT. That thing I mentioned about skipping to the end first? applies here, and this is the story that still floored me once I finished it. An army veteran visits a closed-in town for reasons that aren’t revealed upfront but make for some great fridge logic, and I can’t say much else without spoiling but it’s very much worth a read. Great atmosphere, interesting characters, holy shit.

“What is Lost, What is Given Away” by John Langan is another story I had to skim just now to remember and even then Iiiiii got nothin. The narrator attends a high school reunion and eldritchy stuff happens to a guy or something. I vaguely remember thinking some moments were clever when I was reading but apparently not too clever. V: Also, it’s long. Next.

“Now and Forever” by D. Thomas Minton is about a father protecting his family from a mysterious Fiend in a vaguely post-apocalyptic setting. Until he isn’t. Can’t say much else without giving it away but while it does its job, I wasn’t a huge fan. Spoiler alert: unreliable narrators aren’t my favorite trope, though I appreciate that we didn’t learn right off the bat the guy wasn’t actually doing his job as well as he thought he was. Or was he. For obvious reasons, the circumstances are left vague; presumably you can pick up a few more worldbuilding details on a reread, but I think I’ll pass.

“#ConnollyHouse #WeShouldntBeHere” by Seanan McGuire is creative as all hell, and even if the scares given are kinda flat, I gotta give it points for format alone. As the title might suggest, the entire story is told in a series of tweets from @boo_peep, including timestamp, hashtags, and retweets from @friends as they, as part of a regular haunted house exploration gig, delve into the titular Connolly House. The format makes for a breezy read, and a certain twist will probably have you rereading just to catch some fun little details. Which is impressive, considering character limit is (presumably? I ain’t counting) obeyed throughout. And when Boo Peep isn’t SCREAMING about the hell she’s seeing, there’s an awful lot left to the imagination. #FunTimes

“The House that Love Built” by Grady Hendrix is also forgettable. There’s a guy. He dates women. People die. Wheee. Actually, it was this or the other one with the couple where I at least liked a couple characterization tidbits. Maybe both? But yeah, not my favorite. Movin’ on.

“We All Make Sacrifices: A Sam Hunter Adventure” by Jonathan Maberry is, on one hand, a cookie cutter story about a cynical vigilante-ex-cop, and honestly I kinda regret looking up the author’s other work after reading because it pointed me towards reviews calling out his writing for being so tropey. Because while reading? Might be that I’m not too familiar with the mystery genre, but it was a heckin fun ride. Great characterization, both on behalf of the titular protagonist and the various side characters, even if the antagonist being described as (paraphrasing) “pretty much your typical entitled rich boy” gets a little grating. The story is cliche but shamelessly so, and eh, I usually don’t care for that but it got me anyway. Also, Hunter is a werewolf. That’s fun and it spoke to my old flame of werecanine appreciation but shhh.

“Ghost Pressure” by Gemma Files is... kinda all over the place? a bit? Horror, now at a senior home. I wasn’t entirely clear on who the narrative was following, and while the means of Supernatural Horror is interesting, it leaves a lot to be desired. Ah well, shout out for being about the older among us, I guess? Come to think of it, it could’ve done something thematically with the whole “no one wants you anymore/the people who take care of you are dead” idea, but it... didn’t. discernibly. to me.

“The Daughter out of Darkness” by Nancy Holder features a misogynist unreliable narrator, presented as a sort of case file. Does its job I guess, but lost me at the “letter from an asylum” setup.

“Framing Mortensen” by Adam-Troy Castro is one of if not the favorite story of mine in here, because holy SHIT, is it vivid in all the wrong ways. The narrator has a hellish grudge against Mortensen, for reasons I don’t quite remember and that aren’t terribly important anyway. The real horror (and call for suspension of disbelief) is in what he does with the guy, both in terms of “murder” because of course he does and subsequent, er, treatment. It’s dawning on me this makes it sound like a necrophilia nightmare but it’s not torture porn I swear. Also, if the opening story failed at eldritch abomination-type horror, this one more than compensates by the end. Another good read, would definitely recommend.

“The Catch” by Terence Taylor also features a rather despicable narrator, and while I’m tired as anyone of ~ooh no serial killer who has no feelings what a [insert outdated psychology buzzwords here]~, I gotta say this surprised me. It’s... weird. Not really pornographic but because of Reasons it may raise some eyebrows. Can’t say more than that without giving away the big twist, but I’ll admit the ending threw me for a loop and not for unforeshadowed reasons. Bonus points for fridge brilliance in the title!

“Hunters in the Wood” by Tim Pratt is gay, now with dudes, and also trying really hard to be a hunger games spinoff while lampooning the very premise of the hunger games and dystopias like it. (Side note: I have not actually read or watched The Hunger Games. Writing style didn’t catch me, not too interested in the movies.) Take the self-aware commentary from the Sam Hunter story, boost it way up in some expository worldbuilding, throw in some vague eldritchy stuff, and you get this. Mind, it doesn’t last, but it was just annoying enough to me while it did that I wasn’t too invested in the rest of the story. Ah well. I just wish it was bigger on the eldritch and smaller on the totally-not-social-commentary.

“Whose Drowned Face Sleeps” by An Owomoyela and Rachel Swirsky is, for lack of a better word, haunting. Like “Fossil Heart,” it’s got an almost dreamlike narrative style while the actual events are... sorta down to earth? more or less? Except not really, but once the weird stuff starts happening, you’re in the appropriate mood. I found the execution much better here though, between most events being much less vague & more grounded characters. And while exactly what happens and why is unclear, it blurs that line between psychological “haunting” and real life disaster in a way that reminds me of Paranoia Agent. Mind, I read this one tonight and the earlier on months ago; to really compare/contrast I’d have to reread both in one sitting. (Also, could have done without the allusions to sex scenes but At Least It’s Lesbians(TM).)

“Castleweep” by Alan Dean Foster is the closing story of this anthology and boy is it a “love, hate, or love to hate” narrative. A rich tourist and his girlfriend are taking a trip through the ~jungles of Africa~ and he’s about as entitled as you might expect. The narrative doesn’t bend over backwards to condemn the guy because it pulls no punches letting his thought process speak for itself, whether he’s talking his guide into a side trip to a forbidden castle or sticking to his pride when the detour soon proves less than worthwhile. By the time the horror kicks in, you may or may not want the fucker dead anyway - the story seems aware of this and lavishes on the grotesque details. Which... I found unnecessary, and the reasons for the castle being haunted as it was were decently foreshadowed but heavy-handed as hell. Decent enough read if you wanna see a snobby dude and his girlfriend (the latter of whom deserves better, tbfh) get brutally mauled...!

Overall, for a cover and title that promise top notch eldritch horror, the actual stories range from generic spooky shit to really clever but not necessarily scary plot twists and story developments to... what the fuck did I just read. Seriously, a good amount of the phrase drops weren’t even at some big moment of Monsterening - there weren’t even monsters (in the nonhuman creature sense, blablabla ~humanity is the real monster~) in like... half of these? So if that’s what you expect, back out. Also, none of these are gonna keep me awake at night, and I wouldn’t say I have a particularly high tolerance to horror (good ol’ fashioned creepypastas and jumpscares can and have given me all-nighters), but YMMV on that.

However!! Despite my middling reviews on most of these, there are a few that really stand out, and I’d say the anthology is worth checking out just for those. Not a read I regret, overall. And everyone didn’t even die at the end!

(Oh, and did I mention it’s pretty gay? I counted like... at least three Gal Pal duos and one #YesHomo couple, and while I’m definitely not about to get into a story just because it has ~representation~ and the m/f couples probably outnumber 'em by a long shot, it was still a nice surprise. Just sayin’.)

[sayonaralullaby-a]

Okay, here’s a list of my reactions to the Woods because I love it so much and I Gotta™, plus an Anon was wondering about my thoughts on it, so it’s there at the end. Warning for spoilers, of course. 

MY REACTIONS TO THE WOODS:

Someone be hurt ( killed? ) already in the film, what a great start

Though can I just say that the very first severals shots of the sceneries were absolutely stunning?? W o w

AND THAT INTRO MUSIC, FUCK YEAH, I’M LOVING IT

AND MY THREE BOIS LOOKING NICE AF, ESPECIALLY JAMES

Dammit Cib, smh, ya gonna kill everyone with your smoking shenanigans 

Cib’s soft “sorry” though after Steven told him not to smoke in his dad’s car, awe

The shots in the grocery stories and the boys entering and going across???? My Aesthetic™

Cib’s????? laugh??????? What was that??????? lmfao

Who dat cashier man??????????

James’ enthusiasm for marshmallows and throwing the bag of it at Steven is honestly Me As Fuck. Plus I can honestly imagine I’d be like that to Casey if we ever go shopping together. Just fucking throw food at him that I want to buy.

wAit wasn’t that janitor the guy from the beginning of the film???????

Also rip bottles

DEVIN MY BOI, AND DAMN, WHAT AN AESTHETIC LOOK™

To be honest, this whole film is an Aesthetic™

Mhm, poor Devin

As I hope Mimi and Elliott’s relationship would be fixed soon,,,,,, I’m so gay for Mimi,,, by e,,,,

Man, the cabin looks really coolio, lemme comment on that

Steven standing and looking out at the porch?? Good stuff

W E L P THAT’S GROSS

BUT ANYWAY,,,, THE COLOURING OF THE NEXT SCENE IS SO NICE???????

GET SLAMMED DEVIN

Cib giving a surprise peak kiss to Mimi and being a dumb dork asdfasdfasdf

Where ya going, James?

,,, OOF,,,, STEVEN BBY 

I don’t care how cheesy scenarios like that is, but I absolutely fucking love when there would be a scene when Character A would be distant with everyone else who were having fun and such, and Character B notices A wasn’t around and decided to hang out with them before they just have this moment together that is a mixture of silliness and seriousness, but even if the characters laughs and pokes on each other, there is still something behind that particular part that just makes your chest get that feeling of butterflies fluttering regardless.

“Love you, man.” Awe

Cops…. Uh oh.

Oh God, I hate when a music that’s like funky switches over with a scary and mystery vibe to it, I don’t trust it

I also don’t trust when there are shots taken behind the cop’s back when he approaches by the cabin’s door, n o p e

“Steve Steven” Was that meant to be a dad joke @ Officer

And we’re back to the funky music with nothing too bad happening during that scene, good ( I mean, shits gotta strike soon, so… )

AND DEAR POOR CAE WAS WRONG

BIT C H WHAT THEFUCK THIS SOON ALREADY???

Smh teenagers

O sh I t what the fuck was that and Steven be spooked 

Steven pouring alcohol on Cib’s head??? That would be Casey at me, tbh

“Steven waterboarded me” asdfasdfasdfasdf

Someone should really need to help Mimi and Eliot with their mess of a relationship, oof

Aa a a a. Aa. Aa a a a a a a aaaaaaa I’m so shook the cop be d e a d

OH MY GOD IT’S THE D E M O N

ELLIOTTTT N O

THE SHOT WITH MIMI AND STEVEN TOGETHER ASDFDASDGAGS 

CHRIST, EVERYONE’S EXPRESSIONS DURING THAT SCENE WERE DONE AT SUCH PERFECT POINT THAT CAN MY HEART AC H E

OH NO,,,,, DEVIN,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,,

OH MY GOD CIB FUCK NO NOT YOU TOO

IMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMM

YES DEVIN SHOOT THE BITCH

AWE CHRI S T DE VI NNNNNNNNNNNNNNNN

NECK TRAUMAS ARE ALWAYS THE WORSE FUCKING THING TO GO THROUGH AND I HATE NECK TRAUMAS SO DAMN MUCH ASDFSASDFDAASD FUC KKKKK CIB NO MY BOI

MIMI’S ACTING IN THIS PART THOUGH I WANT TO CR YYYYY ASDFASDFASDF

ALSO WHEN JAMES LOOKED AT HIS HANDS AND SEE THERE WERE BLOOD ( CIB’S BLOOD ) BEFORE HE YELLED, “FUCK NO” AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

STEVEN’S EXPRESSION, I WANNA HUG HIM,,,,,,

I WANNA HUG THE THREE OF THEM SO MUCH, NOOOOO………..

James’ small speech about Cib with what he thought on the stars, fUC k me U P

Mimi asking if they’re going out asdfgsgagshd m e

Go d I’m so scared, I’m clinging on to my Eevee plushie so hard pffffffttttttttttttt

When Steven turned on the car engine and the music blasted out, that’s honestly Iconic

W H O M S T

HEY, IT’S THE CASHIER MAN WITH THE JANITOR

Steven’s expression when Mimi asked him if he knew the cashier man omggg I love him so much

Holy shit

HOLY SHIT

J A M E S  F U C K I N  D E A N G E L I S

OH MY GOD, WHAT A FUCKING BADASS, JAMES I LOV YOU SO MUCH

THE MUSIC ASDFASDFASDF HELLLLL YEAHHHHHHH HHH H 

MY OVERALL THOUGHTS ON THE WOODS:

It’s indeed a good short film, I’ll tell ya that! Though because the film was done in 23 minutes, I assume due to time constraints with the budgets and such, I won’t touch too much upon the main and sub plots and characters, as making connections with the characters or not. I personally feel like with the Woods being filmed for only 23 minutes, one shouldn’t be too harsh on how the plotline wouldn’t make a lot of sense as it was needed to be fleshed out more or how the characters are bland, something along the line.

The acting was wonderful, though kudos to Mimi and James for making the certain scenes more emotional than it should’ve asdasdfasf ( which isn’t much of a surprise because James’ known to do acting, though I’m not too familiar with Mimi so I don’t know about her, but despite the shoutouts, everyone did awesome regardless ).

Makeups are mmmm 👌👌👌 — also that demon though, omg, I’m just grateful its’ appearance design didn’t give me any nightmares when I went back to sleep after watching the film, but I really like the design to it.

They did a pretty good job on making the scenes not being too short or long.

Good music choices. Definitely fits along with where the scenes goes.

I don’t really hold a lot of expectations from plotlines of the films ( an hour/two hour or less ) that holds horror elements to it since it’s pretty predictable what would happen ( also the Woods sort of gives me that Until Dawn vibe, oooo ), BUT when Steven, James and Mimi were escaping from the woods, it still got me tensed anyway as bOI where the Hell was that fucking demon and I don’t want Steven, James and/or Mimi to die as well, y’know???? Also the ending????????? I seriously didn’t expect that. At all.

Do I even need to comment on the visuals/choreography? God, does it deserve an award for having an amazing choreography.

I’ll most likely add more into this post as I probably forget a bunch, but final thoughts??? I’m extremely proud of the Pine Crew. Really, I personally don’t care that much of how good the film was done as in the plotlines, characters, pacing, etc, and all of that professional stuff. I just love how they’re experiencing something different and new than what they usually do in their channel, and the fact they filmed all of this with such passion and love into it for three days only and it’s their first film is phenomenal. I extremely hope they’ll be able to do a next film, maybe even for Christmas, but!!! Despite the cliche plots and bland characters, the Woods is a good film that was created with a lovely amount of enthusiasm and effort into it nevertheless, and I love it so much. It definitely made this year’s October more meaningful to me.