#I promise I will get to you! matchups aren’t closed and I won’t forget about you!

[hyugaruma]

It’s been like two weeks since I’ve written anything for this blog, and I just wanted to come on here and say that I probably won’t be posting any original works on here until school is out 🖤 (end of April)

I’ve got four 8-10 page papers due by the last week of April/first week of May, so that will probably preoccupy most of my time and effort until then

Not that anyone asked, but I’m (freaking finally) graduating college this upcoming December, so I just want to finish and finish to the best of my ability :-))

So, until then, I promise I’m not dead and won’t be abandoning this blog! Thanks everyone who continues to support my writing, it brings me lots of joy!

[boringsofia]

Matchup for DBH, Atla and Monster prom please! I’m a fairly tall, gremlin of a bisexual person. I have ADHD, cuss a lot, I’m terrified of phone calls, am a generally creative person and have a talent for comforting people. I’m a pretty wacky person but come off as intimidating when I’m alone. I draw, play ukulele and guitar, cosplay and I’m part of my schools MUN. I’m a bit punk but also just a big softie. I have lots of plushies and love my cat and dog with my whole heart. Thanks in advance!!

Thank you for the request! Honestly, i relate to the fear of phone calls way to much 😔

For D:BH I ship you with...

Simon!

You were his 'owner' before the whole Revolution. The person who showed him that humans aren't as bad as they seem. His home.

At first he was just the normal caretaker android he is. Making sure you always took care of yourself and so on. But as time passed and continued to treat him like a human instead of a slave, he started to go deviant. You immediately noticed, of course. Once the Revolution ended and they were finally free, he immediately returned to you. And was the happiest he had ever been when your welcome back was a kiss. His favorite thing about you is undoubtedly your Creativity. It was one of the first things you showed him when he first moved in and he loves it. Every drawing you make, he will make sure to take a picture and memorize in his software. Your ADHD often makes him anxious because he knows how much it can affect you and bring your mood down. It was the maun reason you got him afterall. If you insist on not taking medication, he won't force you. He will be there to calm you down. To remind you of things you might forget. To keep you focused on the task at hand. He will be your medicine.

Simon loves you and everything about you. When the deviants at Jericho spoke badly of humans, he often retaliated because you were always on his mind. And you were everything but bad. You are his angel.

"I'm free. We can really be together now. Just like we always wanted, angel.."

For ATLA I ship you with...

Suki!

Believe it or not, you two met because of your kindness. She had had a tough day, everything was going completely different than they had planned and then there you appeared, comforting her as if she weren't a stranger.

After that little encounter, you two became inseparable. She taught you how to fight, you taught her how to play the ukulele and guitar. It was honestly a very affectionate and close connection from the get-go. When Gaang came around, she immediately pulled you into the whole mess with her. At first, you really thought she and Sokka had a thing but then out of nowhere, she came at you with a very long and deliberate love confession and you were absolutely ecstatic. A little confused, but very happy nonetheless. Especially when you heard Sokka cheering like the amazing wingman he is. Sukiloves your intimidating and punk exterior, it kinda goes along with her confident but welcoming vibe. Makes the perfect duo, as she says. Suki doesn't understand much about cosplay, it's all very new to her but she loves to just sit and watch you work on your costumes and makeup. The whole transition from yourself to the character you like is like a magic show to her and it always makes her look like a child looking at all the different candy at a candy store. Just pure heart eyes from her.

Throughout the whole journey, she always makes sure to keep an eye on you and to protect you. You mean the world to her and Suki would never forgive herself if something happened to you. Or worse.. if she lost you.

"The two of us together? Oh, we're UNSTOPPABLE!"

For Monster Prom I ship you with...

Damien!

Well.. where do I start. You guys met because he decided to be a total Asshole to you. But you happened to be very, VERY angry that day and absolutely demolished him. Soon enough, y'all were dating.

To be more exact, he thought your little outburst was really attractive and so, he started being nicer to you (very poorly though) and you two became friends. Eventually, he grew a pair and asked you out. It came as a surprise to everyone in the group honestly, but they supported it 100%. Damien is surprisingly very affectionate and sweet to his partner. Well, the sweet is to an extent, he's still an asshole but he never does or says anything that might hurt you in any way. Not only would he beat himself up but so would the others if he hurt you. He doesn't really get along with your pets. He hates that you show them so much affectionate and attention. Who needs them when you have him?? Yes.. he is a very jealous lover. Anyways, he's not the most patient being but when it comes to you, he has that patience of a saint. Especially if you're feeling bad because of your ADHD. You're afraid of phone calls? Don't worry, he'll call for you. But he won't promise it to have a good outcome. Or that you get your phone back intact. One of his favorite things to do with you is just ... cussing. Just cussing back and forth to see who can come up with the most creative cusses and insults. It's honestly hilarious to anyone who isn't used to it. But also a little terrifying...

This Himbo is an absolute sucker for you and he spoils you rotten. It all might have started with him bullying you but now... he will have anyone's head that dares even breathe weirdly in your direction. No joke. Please, hold him back, he might hurt someone-

"Did you fall from heaven? Cuz there is no fucking way someone as hot as you could be from there. I'm serious, have you seen those ugly ass angels, I'm not kidding they're fucking hideous- Babe, hey, WHERE ARE YOU GOING-"

[combat-wombatus]

uHm if you do these and if you want to do it I’d love a bnha matchup <3?

• my name is Aubri, I’m bi but prefer MHA boys tbh. I go by she/her, too.

• I’m a very Gryffindor person. (Sorry if you don’t know Harry Potter - 😖)

• I’m a June cancer, and I have ADHD and anxiety. My anxiety can be literally crippling somedays, but it’s gotten better overtime.

• I’m a bit of a class clown and usually just a clown 🤡 but that’s irrelevant. My teachers all hate me but like school-wise I do well so we have a love and mostly hate relationship 🤧

• I’m usually the ‘entertaining’ friend, in elementary the popular kids would invite me to play games with them because, “you’re funny” and it was like the biggest achievement ever 😭👍🏻 then they’d ignore me but that’s another therapy session

• I’m usually made fun of by people for being ‘weird’ and ‘insane’. Like all through elementary everyone thought I’d be a criminal when I grew up JUST BECAUSE I HAD UNDIAGNOSED ADHD - I hate it here 😐🦶🏻

• I’ve always been super into crime stories/true crime (where my anxiety comes from, I’m always worried about a pesky serial killer just killing me. It’s usually being kidnapped tho lmao) so I knew and still know like all these murder facts and sometimes I’d just randomly be like;

“Hey did you know it takes 12 hours and 2 days to dissolve a body in acid?”

or

“If you bury a dead deer over a dead body you buried deep in the ground, when police dogs sniff it and people dig they’ll just think it was the deer and won’t dig any farther.”

• So maybe people had a reason to be scared of me and think I’ll be a criminal someday, i dunno.

• I love love love reading and writing, and also debating. The things I’ve wanted to be when I grow up are basically: Dog shelter worker, actress, FBI agent, politician, and a writer. But usually I just want to do something that makes a positive impact on people. Like i wanted to be an FBI agent to solve crimes for people. I wanted to be a politican so I could actually help a lot of people. The entertainment industry also seemed like a way to make people happy. Idk, but then I decided I couldn’t be a politican at 10 because they were all corrupt and to be one I would have to be too. 😫🤌🏻 we love some good childhood angst

• the only subjects I’ve ever excelled at are ELA and Social Studies aka History, and Math I can’t do to save my life. ELA comes easy for me and I usually don’t have to work that hard and/or get too stressed over it. But I always get the meanest teachers for some reason. For example, one time I did my final essay for like 30% of my grade in 30 minutes the day it was due and I got an A+ 🦟🦗🦟🦗

• Uhhh id describe myself as a pretty loyal friend, I’m a ride or die type of girl. A story from my childhood that summarizes it pretty well is when I was in 2nd grade my friend wet her pants and she didn’t want to go to the nurse for it alone so I peed my pants so I could go with her and she wouldn’t have to be alone. Like, you know, a professional problem solver

• and I have genuinely attacked people for fucking with my friends but don’t snitch pls 🕳🏃‍♀️💨

• But also just anyone, people at my school tend to come to me with their problems for me to either help solve them by reasoning, or just to confront the other person like the bad bleep I am 😈😈

• I also have a huge daydreaming problem, it’s literally maladaptive daydreaming. So paired with my ADHD I don’t get shit done like ever.

• I have really high empathy levels I guess, like I always say hi to everyone I see on the street, especially if they look sad 😔 I’ve done it ever since I was a little kiddo.

• My fashion sense is very much a preppy/alt style. I wear those ripped tights and fishnets, I also have the MOST BIZARRE JEWELRY- like who allowed me to buy the gummy worm glittery earrings, hmmm???????? and those Mary Janes???????

• But I love crew necks and pleated skirts so I always obide by the National “hoes dont get cold” policy 🇺🇸😫🦅

• I wanna move somewhere someday, I don’t want to stay in America for very long

• I can speak Latin, French, and my native language which is English.

• My music taste varies, but my all-time favorite artists who all of their music they’ve ever put out has been my favorites are, Billie Eilish, Melanie Martinez, and Conan Gray.

• I no-joke have a sign in my front yard that says;

In ✍️ this ✍️ house we ✍️ don’t ✍️ worship Jesus ✍️ but instead ✍️ Melanie ✍️ Martinez

• My favorite shows are MHA (duh), The Promised Neverland, and Malcolm in The Middle.

• and I’m not going to tell you what I prefer in a partner, because that ruins the fun 😤

• but I will say I cannot be friends with someone who doesn’t really make me laugh. Like I’m used to doing most of the talking in convos but if you’re just boring I’m sorry it’s nothing personal but no thanks 😐✌🏻

• About my physical appearance, I have fluffy n curly brown hair, but when it’s in the sunlight it looks sort of brown but golden yk?? It’s shoulder length :) I have bleach blonde streaks in the front. I like wearing eyeliner most days, too. I’m pretty average size/ on the skinnier side. Kinda high key inscure abt my body bc I got flat shamed in elementary EVEN THOUGH I HAVE TIDDIES NOW- whatever 😤🙄. I also have crystal type blue eyes, and I do have fairly big eyes. But, like, not weirdly big. A good big. My cheekbones are ALWAYS PRESENT so sometimes I get called a Tim Burton character but it’s cool ig ☠️☠️ oh and I’m kinda short. I’m 5’3, even though my doctor said I’d be 5’7. I feel like I was either tricked by the doctor or someone just stole my destined height while I was asleep. It’s probably cause I didn’t keep an eye out for Selener 👁 😔😔

• I’m a definite night owl, like all of my energy comes at night which really sucks cuz I can’t do much since everyone else is asleep.

• My love language is touch starved so I’ve never figured it out ✌🏻😗🔫

• but I am an attention whore so idk 😏

• I’m a huge introvert with social anxiety. It isn’t as bad as it used to be cuz I used to not be able to like go to restaurants but now I’m much better.

• I’m a huge history person, mostly like sad history LMFAO. Uh but a lot of my hyperfixations have been on history. Some examples are The Roman Empire, Julius Caesar himself, Anne Frank, The Titanic, the Black Plauge, Helen Keller, Marie Curie, Slavery in the US, Joan of Arc, and just a lot more. I always love talking about these things if someone would let me ramble to them but no one ever does 😖 it also got to a point where for all these subjects I’d go to the library and try to find a book on them but usually I’d either have already read it or I’d read it and know all the information.

• I’m super into Greek Mythology, I have 7 books filled with the stories, I’m going to Greece maybe this summer to see it’s history, and named my hamster Aphrodite but we call her Aphie. I also will talk about this forever and ever if you let me.

• My favorite color is yellow, my favorite food is literally nothing I never have an appetite, my favorite planet is Saturn, favorite song is Tag Your It by Melanie Martinez atm but it changes like everyday.

• Music is a huge safe-space for me if I’m feeling down or having a panic attack. It calms me down n is overall my coping mechanism 💃🏻💃🏻

• Biggest fear is spiders, even looking at one gives me a panic attack and I cannot sleep at all for that night, adding to my insomniac ass 🧎🏻‍♂️🏌️‍♀️

• I’m mature for my age, I don’t exactly like hanging around kids my age and I get along better with older crowds.

• i don’t like conventional dates, (I PROMISE IM NOT TRYING TO SOUND ‘QUIRKY’ AHAHA) I kind of like having a best-friend type partner more so dates that aren’t as romantic as like the movies or a fancy restaurant suite me better. My dream date is playing Monopoly on my bedroom floor 🦧

• Also I hate getting gifts. End of story. If someone gets me a gift like awe that’s nice but never again, I’d prefer to get you one. Especially in a romantic partner 😐 i keep a journal of my friends’ interests and hobbies so I can get them the perfect gifts for their bdays and Christmas’s. Been doing this ever since 4th grade.

• Though I don’t have much actual experience with relationships🧍🏻‍♀️

• I’m a huge believer in ‘family isn’t blood, it’s who you make it’ because I have a pretty shitty family life and my childhood has been trash. My friends are my family to me.

• Also if my friends don’t like my romantic partner ✨ GOODBYE ✨. Sorry girlie, bros before hoes 🦨💨

I was going to put more but I’m so so sorry for how LONG AND COMPLICATED THIS IS- idk if this is a autobiography or a matchup at this point 🤦‍♀️ don’t feel pressured to do this and if matchups aren’t open IM SO SO SORRY LMAO uh yeah ilysm 🦎🎂🧃

OMG ASLDFKJHASLKDJH

🥺 i’m so sorry bby but matchups are closed ;-; my 100 follower event was over while ago (i guess i should’ve specified that in the asks i answered LKSAJHFLKJAHDS SORRY IT’S MY BAD) but you sound so cool?? i had a lot of the same hyperfixations interests (heLLO helen keller was badass AF and the roman empire was messed up but still v cool, anne frank was awesome too) i also may or may not have wanted to be a politician when i was younger alskdjfhalkdhj but now i’m just 🧍🏻‍♀️ lost and anyways you’re amazing >.< love u lots and don’t forget to drink water and eat a lil something hehe :p 

[jlf23tumble]

1D Day, Hour One

God only knows what this hellscape will look like on December 18, so if I’m gonna recap each hour of 1D Day, I might as well do it now, eh?? 1D Day is a gift that none of us really deserved, and yeah, it has a ton of shitty moments, but much like X Factor itself, the true gem is Louis Tomlinson and how much he runs this entire show (and lbr, the band itself), Jesus, god, do I love him.

Anyway, 1D Day aired 7 hours of live content on November 23, 2013 to promote Midnight Memories, and yes, yes, we’ve all seen the gifsets, but like anything else with this band, it’s tremendously better in context. I watched this whole thing a couple of years ago, when I first got into this fandom, but I didn’t know all of the dynamics then, so it’s extra fascinating to me now. We’ve all binged worse shit than this that took way longer, and I promise you won’t regret an hour a night for a week--but if you’d rather read my hot take, here you go, under the cut! Note: these are really shitty screengrabs, and for that, I am truly sorry.

A horrible announcer introduces the D by saying they weigh in at a collective 792 pounds, and all I can wonder is does this mean they have daily weigh-ins, why is it that specific? This focus on their weight is just gross to me. C’mon, writers, you’re better than this (j/k, you aren’t).

The three-foot bubble between Louis and Harry is established pretty early on, with Harry doing the prettiest sitting in all the land before bolting to his feet immediately because Louis happened to walk by his couch. A very real question: Was this bubble a requirement that Ben Winston constantly whispers into their headpieces, or did sbb decide, hey, let’s make it obvious that we have to CONSTANTLY adjust where we stand, even if it’s two feet away because that’s not enough room for Jesus?

There are some truly hilarious guest “stars” to announce, the first being the giant video head of David Beckham, which pops up and immediately starts speaking, so we're already off to the races with a) fuckups and b) Louis’s annoyance at said fuckups.

Liam takes a good hard look at his future:

Harry isn’t allowed to gaze at Becks, he’s off by the listening booth, which is a giant red call box because they’re Briddish, pip pip, cheerio. Unrelated, but I low-key feel like Harry's coked up or else really taking the piss with all his “LIVE BANDDDDDDD,” JERRY! JERRY! JERRY!,” etc., not to mention how fast he’s speaking, the way he grinds on the guitarist’s lap while Louis fonds at the sky, and all the yelling with arms aloft.

The best part of the rundown of the guest “stars” (or breast stars, if you’re Niall) is that we’re only in the first 10 minutes, so everyone’s giving it a go, but then we get to Mr. Simon Cowell, and Niall claps five times to stony silence (me as Harry constantly staring at Louis from three feet away):

Piers Morgan comes out to describe the “grilling” he’s going to give them later, all angry—genuinely angry—that they’re trending on twitter because they keep saying that he smells. And they don’t stop, even here, they keep yelling, “What’s that smell? You stink, etc.,” and he’s such a dick that I want to bottle this moment and spritz it around my house daily.

This mild trash talking continues, with Piers promising “tears from Piers,” but Slytherin Niall pulls the fingernail out of his mouth, smiles that sneaky smile, and says, “Yeah, but this isn’t Piers Morgan Day, is it, this is 1D Day,” and I want a transcript because there’s so much talking, but all of it trashes Piers, and god, I love my sons.

Anyway, they keep winding Piers up (Piers: “I’m going to find out what you’re most embarrassed about,” Liam: “The way you smell,” Piers, genuinely in a rage: “Don’t say that”), and he keeps talking about how he’s interviewed heads of state, etc., the implication being that this is below him, but Niall counters that Oprah and Barbara Walters have, too, and they would have much preferred Oprah, to the point where Piers admits they couldn’t afford Oprah (lmaooooooo). 

We move on to Harry, spinning a twitter wheel that means they’ll follow whoever it lands on, which seems like a cute idea. I’m guessing it’s the official twitter handle?? I don’t know or actually care!

Louis can’t read the teleprompter, and he mutters later that it’s because it makes no sense rather than being too hard to actually see, but me as Niall, already yawning at the 25-minute mark (the bubble is preserved, though, whew):

I’m guessing Scott Mills is the “host” of this show because he comes out with a stick (??) and an agenda (Scott’s no Dermot…he has a face for radio, as they used to say back in the day). This whole section just features a lot of Harry and his pinned sleeves staring at Louis, and honestly relatable:

The next task is toilet paper roll stacking, with two judges from the Guinness Book of World Records on hand to see if this band of hyenas can beat the current world record and stack 28 (!!!!) rolls in 30 seconds. Two reasons to love Louis: he interrupts this idiocy to ask, “How did you two get into this, is this a full-time job you do every day?” (I was wondering the exact same thing), and this is his face for this challenge:

Sadly, they fail, and Harry’s the one who has to tell the judges, “Well, sorry for wasting your time!” with a cheery wave from the ladder. Uh oh, though, the bubble, we’re at two feet:

Much better!

This is still too close for Ben Winston’s comfort, so we split up the teams in what feels like a college course with a lot of money to run fake broadcasting drills. Zouis gets to report from the field, with some tweet rapping; the weather guy, sports guy, and lead broadcaster experience some technical difficulties, prompting Harry’s infamous, “SOMETHING’S GONE WRONG,” and we’re off to Poland:

For a production company that seems hell bent on “no homo,” there are lots of things that raise my brows, like this big “handsome” (Harry’s words) he-man who’s going to pull a “boohs” full of 1D fans over a line, so the boys have to guess how long it’s going to take him…by writing all over his mostly nude body (I’m the eye contact that Harry and Louis maintain during this):

Dude pulls the boohs successfully, so yay! Next up is Wrong Direction, the world’s worst lookalikes (HONESTLY, I’m embarrassed for everyone in this segment on Hollywood Blvd: the idiots who are “fooled” by this, the guys themselves and the low-key insult of it all, myself because this went on for way too long):

I’ll spare everyone the individual matchups because yike, but the real Wrong Direction comes to the studio, with all the guys dressed up like their matches, and the real D is polite, albeit mildly “wtf are we supposed to do about this” (me, too, Zayn). Points to Harry for at least trying to strike up some conversation: “Did you have foon, acting like us?” We’re supposed to vote for the best one on Google+ (lolololololol).

Scott takes two girls who look like they’re legit about to pass out into the red call box so they can be the first people to listen to the new album. While they listen to something none of us can hear, we get some VT (that’s “videotape,” god, I hate the whole lingo lesson we got earlier) of Spain and some fans, all of which feels like lengthy filler. I feel for the people Scott mentions as being asleep during this because there is a LOT of fill. Maybe make this shit shorter, just a suggestion!

Next up is Jamie Scott from his home somewhere in the middle of the night; he wrote most of Midnight Memories along with Louis and Liam, and he gives them an 8.5 in terms of how they did on a scale of 1-10 (and that’s AFTER Louis insults his pillows with the alphabet on them, “In case you forget”). There’s a lot of Lilo hand-shaking in celebration, and some enthusiastic clapping from Harry (a little too enthusiastic…I’m gonna imagine that someone tells him to tone it down in his earpiece because he looks around quite a bit):

A few things happen that don’t really interest me: the first listen of “Through the Dark” (this is skipped in the vid), a remote report from Radio Disney (Harry: “HOLLYWOODDDDDD!”) and a fan who wins the chance to come visit them later in the day, and then we’re back to Scott, who looks exhausted, and it’s only been 40 minutes.

All is not lost, because the next VT is the totally unnecessary yet extremely vital coverage of the D’s exercise regime. I’ve seen so many gifsets of hottttt and sweaty Lirry, but you haven’t lived until you’ve heard Niall’s American accent while he stretches: “Welcome to my workout dvd! I’ll be with you for the next 45 minutes to  give you the lowdown of how I stay in shape.” PLEASE @ NIALL, DO THIS.

I really WANT to be Harry and effortlessly pump out pushups, but in reality I’m Zouis, popping some robot dance moves and drinking Red Bull. The weird shorthand throughout this is that Liam is an animal (Ziam + a whip = fire), Harry’s into flirty sexercise, Niall wants an arse like Kim K’s, Zayn’s a slender boxer, and Louis…just fucks around? Missed opp for footie Louis.

The first performance is “Story of My Life,” and we’ve all seen it before, but godDAMN, Zayn sings like an angel. Lots of technical problems in the audio, prompting quite a few Louis/Harry hand gestures, but still, in spite of it all, they sound amazing individually and together.

Even local asshole Piers Morgan is impressed, as he comes out to tell them that they were surprisingly good, along with a bunch of other neg bullshit. This is another one of those segments that it pays to watch the whole clip of, and Jesus, do I want a transcript. They head over to the couches, and Piers points at Louis and says, “You have the most reason to be nervous,” but Louis’s like, “Yeah, but I’m not,” and wow, #goals.

Everyone gets a couch, and the upshot is that Piers is a terrible egoist who thinks he’s a fantastic interviewer, but he really isn’t…all the questions are shit, and these five eat him alive. Everything he asks falls flat, and it’s so masterfully, subversively handled, from Louis’s iconic “define girlfriends” (and the underappreciated attempt by Harry to define it for Piers later: “Like in primary school, if you hold hands with a girl and you're eight, is that a girlfriend?”) to the obsession with smells (Piers asking Niall, “Why do you always smell,” claiming it’s a fan’s question, and Niall answering that it’s because he had colic as a child, so can only fart; Piers asking Zayn, “Who stinks the worst,” and Zayn saying that they all smell quite good, actually) to Piers demanding to see Zayn’s tattoo and relentlessly attacking him for it being a gun (Louis keeps interjecting that it’s a watergun, but go off I guess, paraphrasing).

But the best is always Louis. “What’s the weirdest thing a girl has done to impress you?” “Tweeted Piers Morgan.” Later, he says pointblank to Piers, “You do stink.” But then…but THEN, it’s the Four interview 1.0, only instead of Ben trying to get Louis to deny gay rumors, it’s Piers, who does it twice: “What’s the one rumor you wouldn’t want to hear about yourself?” Louis’s answer: “That I’m not good at football.” “Are you good?” “No….I just wouldn’t want it confirmed.” Piers tries AGAIN: “What’s the worst thing you’ve had to read about yourself?” but Louis turns it around and says he hates reading about one of the other boys being dead (!).

Because he’s the worst, Piers takes it to the ladies and asks how many girlfriends they’ve had and how many times they’ve kissed a girl. Harry says he’s kissed 8 ladies (which prompts a good scoff out of Zayn), and everyone else says 5 or 6, 3 or 4, etc., with Louis declaring he’s only had one proper relationship (no genders mentioned), so maybe 2 (lmaooooo). Piers gets all excited that he’s kissed more girls than this hot boyband has, and I wanna say, you’re almost there, “friend”…keep working it through.

There’s more antics w/r/t Piers, like his poor 2YO daughter crying, and him trying to blame it on Harry Styles not answering her dad’s sex questions or stupid questions about embarrassing things they’ve caught the others doing, and yeah, I don’t think they’ll get into the big ot5 gang bang on live TV, but ask anyway, I guess?

The last person to suffer sitting next to Piers is Liam, and I love him always, but especially for saying, “How’s it going there, stinky?” when Piers takes a seat to ask him why he’s so sexy. Piers tries to “joke” that the sexy question is for him, but nobody says anything, and then he asks Liam AGAIN before admitting that it’s a shitty question, so then he asks about them all wearing tight jeans, and godddddd, why does anyone let him interview anyone?? 

The good news is that Piers can tell he lost, so as he tells them that he thinks they’re pretty okay, actually, but, “You’ve gotta stop calling me stinky,” and you know they never will.

Scott says it might feel like much longer, but it’s only been an hour, and Zayn’s lookalike won, so we can all rest easy. This hour closes with a review of the highlights, and it’s ham-fisted and awful. Shocking!!!!

I can’t do one of these every single day, but I’ll do hour two sometime soon! Hope you enjoyed this, @justlarried, lol!

[junker-town]

Mad about Bama-Clemson dominance? You have 3 options

The Tide and Tigers meet in the Playoff for the fourth year in a row, and we can choose to either enjoy one of the most promising title games ever or not.

1. Beat them at football.

“Over the last four seasons, Alabama and Clemson are 106-4 in games that aren’t against Alabama or Clemson,” Bill Connelly wrote.

Four teams did their part in keeping Alabama and Clemson out of title games, but never got help from the 106 others.

The last team to beat Clemson was Alabama.

The last team to beat Alabama was beaten by Clemson. (The last team to beat Alabama before that was Clemson.)

The simplest way for any team to miss the Playoff is to lose two games and/or not win a Power 5 conference. True, a non-champ Bama got a (2016 Ohio State-style) lucky bid to 2017’s Playoff field, thanks to circumstances (and then won the whole thing anyway). This means anyone suffering Alabama-Clemson fatigue can also blame 2017 Ohio State, which would’ve taken Bama’s spot if not for losing big to both Iowa and Oklahoma.

In 2018, only Texas A&M, Syracuse, and Georgia came close. Also, The Citadel gave Bama half a tie.

“Beat them” won’t get much easier, I’m sorry to say. Clemson’s perpetually improving roster will have two more years of Trevor Lawrence at QB, while Bama might be bringing in Nick Saban’s best recruiting class ever. So you should try really hard, have your coaches read some really good books or something, cheat smartly, or come up with some other innovation, idk.

2. Drop to FCS.

If you don’t like the fact that the same two teams keep playing for the FBS national title, keep in mind that you have another option in Division I. That level has a full, 24-team playoff with automatic bids available to every conference, meaning a fair path to Frisco for every team.

Even Michigan would have a chance, especially since Appalachian State left.

Just look at how much more variety a title game can have, once you let way more than four teams into the tournament:

Wikipedia

OK, forget FCS. Maybe drop to Division II?

The Pac-12 could reach the Division II title game sometimes, I bet.

3. Stop obsessing over the logos on the helmets and whether you saw different helmet logos in recent years or not. Become happier about life by celebrating and appreciating the country’s two best (by far) groups of players and coaches locking horns with everything on the line.

Spend 3.5 hours doing something besides blaming all your problems on conferences with great football teams getting more media attention than conferences without great football teams. Anyone professing “Bama-Clemson fatigue” should admit they don’t actually care about parity (FYI, anyone sincerely mad about seeing repeat matchups would’ve hated all of college football’s previous history) and just confess to being a hater.

Instead, enjoy undeniably the two best of America’s 1,000 or so college football teams playing what should be a tightly contested championship, with the winner becoming yet another option in the Best Team Ever argument. The first 14-0 vs. 14-0 game in major football history! 2006 Rose Bowl-type stakes! It’s ok to admit this fucking rules.

The first Bama-Clemson title game was awesome.

The second Bama-Clemson title game was awesome.

Their semifinal meeting in 2017 wasn’t. I’ll happily take 66 percent probability of an awesome game, thank you.

Set aside old notions of what Alabama looks like. This is not a team based around forcing punts and having Greg McElroy try not to fumble. Tua Tagovailoa leads football’s most thrilling offense outside of the team Alabama just beat and a few NFL teams.

Don’t rule out Clemson’s chances of winning. Vegas has it under a touchdown and falling, by far the most confident anyone has been all season in the Tide facing a real challenge. Over the last past three months, Clemson has quite arguably been as good as Bama.

(Do worry about whether the bizarre decision to put the game in Santa Clara will sully things, but not too much. We’re focusing on the field, not stuff around it like stadium locations and whether Ohio State should’ve competed against Purdue.)

Quinnen Williams vs. one of the country’s best run games. An NFL defensive line (even minus Dexter Lawrence) vs. the hero of last year’s title game. The first 15-0 FBS champ since the 1800s. Nick Saban vs. Bear Bryant. The obvious No. 1 team vs. the obvious No. 2 team. The most fitting final matchup possible for the 2018 season. LET’S GET IT.