#I really leaned on the whole worship thing Amanda has with John

[an-sceal]

So bearing in mind that I'm only on episode 5, and I think I'm stopping for the evening (maybe), I have some thoughts about the opponents each character will face at the All Valley.

Sam vs. Performative Heterosexuality - not saying she's not really into Miguel (HOW COULD YOU NOT BE??? Miguel is a golden angel baby of a boy and also the only adult involved with any kind of actual karate.) But man, they really leaned into the whole "eyefucking Tory then pointedly making out with Miguel like he's a prize" thing, didn't they.

Amanda vs. Are We Bad Parents? - Yes. That your children (one of them anyway) are generally good-natured is really down to them being generally good natured, and the shit you and Daniel have taught them about class, money, and how to use those things as weapons are on you guys. You saw your daughter go Full Karen and torment an employee, then act as though she'd been victimized by a harmless prank in a way that cost someone their job. And you didn't say shit to her about it- instead you, yes, tried to protect your kid, but in a way that once again flaunted your class, money, and privilege in the face of someone who has NONE of those things. And you acted like the idea she didn't have your resources was new and shocking information. (Side note: this is part of why I find Amanda's total lack of backstory so maddening at times, but also a somewhat consistent characterization that kind of screams to me she grew up with money.) Also, I repeat- WTF, ANTHONY?? But it's exactly the same thing we saw with Sam at the beginning of the series; he decided he didn't want to be true to his old friends, actual interests, and personality, and instead he hooked up with bullies/popular kids who he KNEW were doing something wrong because you and Daniel taught him that popularity was more important than people. You wrote it off with Sam with a wave of your wineglass. Are you going to do the same thing with your son? (Lower-Side note: I still worship you, call me, Queen.)

Robby vs. Everyone, Everything, All the Time - JFC, would someone please give this child a goddamn hug and some therapy that doesn't involve hitting anyone? Actually, no, I want him and Miguel to tell everyone to fuck off and head out on a road trip to nowhere and hash out a meaningful friendship because they deserve that. Also, I am a #1 Top Tier Johnny Lawrence fan, but Robby gets to be angry at him, and it's Johnny's job to fucking take it and sit on it because Robby. Is. A. Neglected. Child. And. Johnny. Is. A. Goddamn. (Technical.) Adult.

John Kreese vs. Any Kid Ever Being as Scared as He Was in Vietnam - I think the way they handle Kreese's backstory is poorly written and handled, but the kernel of actual emotional connection I get to it is that while he may have been a volunteer not a draftee, he was still a terrified kid just like most everyone else who came back from Vietnam. And in his thoroughly testosterone-pickled brain, that translated to burying it below pure aggression and rigid masculinity, then training a bunch of kids who (in his mind) might one day face the kinds of situations he found himself in. I mean, he's a terrible person and I hate him with a passion, but I won't deny his trauma, or that you can draw direct lines from the death of his mother and his experiences in Vietnam to how he treats the people in his life, especially his students. I just think since those lines are visible from goddamn space, maybe he really shouldn't be allowed around children anymore.

Johnny Lawrence vs. the Dad He Built in a Box - I... It was like a starter kit. For everything, including the alcohol abuse and child abandonment. I was amazed there wasn't some expired lunchmeat in there. (Also, damn, he was way young when Laura married Sid. That's a long time to live with an adult who hates you.) I have no idea how his post-high school life went, though from his talk with Sam (!!!!!!) I think it sounds like he probably started working pretty young, maybe skipped college altogether? But I now picture those mysterious five months between the end of the tournament and graduation as Johnny entering his cocoon, shedding his preppy shell, breaking down to a cellular ooze, and reforming, one flannel shirt, one work boot, one can of shitty beer at a time, until he emerged in his final form as a pre-alcoholic, blue collar butterfly.

Carmen vs. Is This a Good Idea? - No, sweetie. No it's not. Get you a man who isn't so distracted thinking about his "rival" that he can actually give you the D. Though we are all aware (thank you, tight pants and Jesus) that it's a D worth waiting for. So I dunno, maybe I'm wrong. Just, you know, they make toys now that can give you head, so maybe consider your options. (To be fair, she actually seemed pretty amused by the whole thing. I think she ships it.)